Burnt Sienna

Jeremy Piven isn’t the only one who can blow off a production and piss off some very powerful entertainment types. For instance Sienna Miller was up till recently involved in yet another retelling of the Robin Hood tale. She was working with Russell Crowe and director Ridley Scott. What could anyone say about Robin Hood that hasn’t already been said 5000 times? Well Scott has found a new spin on the old tale. He’s cast Crowe as both Robin Hood and the Sheriff of Nottingham! Also he’s made Robin Hood the villain in the piece, and the Sheriff the hero. Since both characters are in love with Miller as Maid Marion, this project was a very biog deal for her!

So naturally everyone was surprised when it was announced that Sienna had left the project. After a year or so of bad press, and graffiti, she really needed this! There was an explanation – an unnamed source claimed that the reason Miller had left was because Crowe hadn’t taken off the Body of Lies weight. So any loves scenes between him and Sienna would’ve been laughable. He just wasn’t beautiful enough to work with a girl like that!

No one believed that for a second. For one thing the explanation put Miller in such a positive light that people assumed the source was one of her friends. Two – she’s been seen with worse! So what went wrong. Well sure enough, after a story that slammed the production as ‘troubled’, and Crowe as a fat ass who was secretly trying to get his pal Ridley Scott replaced as director (in addition to insisting on half the script being rewritten), the other show dropped. Another story got leaked to the media that Sienna was fired for being an unreliable drunken slut who who was either too hung over or soused to get her work done. Now that was much more believable!

Still suspicious types – bloggers mostly – thought that there might be even more to the story. More, like Sienna – who always tries to sleep with her co stars, might’ve put the move son Russy. Now Russell is shit terrified of his wife. He once tossed a phone at a NYC hotel desk clerk when his bedroom phone wouldn’t work and his ‘curfew’ was running out. So had Ms Miller come on to him, he might’ve been motivated to cut her loose from the production. Sienna has a long track record of ruining careers and marriages (she even did a number on Jude Law’s hairline!); and Russ doesn’t need that kind of bad news going back to New Zealand by way of the tabs. So Sienna got pissy and said some stuff by way of a third party. Drawing Crowe’s appearance into it seems like the response of a spurned woman. Claiming that Crowe was trying to get Scott fired sounds like a clumsy attempt to drive a wedge between to good friends with an excellent working relationship. Was she really so stupid as to drag Scott into it and suggest that the project was troubled, then her career might not last much longer. You just don’t screw around with directors, they’re one or two steps up on the Hollywood food chain!

The Waitresses I Know What Boys Like
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Jeremy Piven Has a Fishy Explanation – Blames Heavy Metal!

Jeremy Piven recently got himself into a jam when he bailed out on “greatest America play write” David Mamet’s new Broadway show. According to Piven he had mercury poisoning. Piven explains that he has eaten sushi at least twice a day for many years, and the stuff finally caught up with him. In his own words he ‘got spatially disoriented, light sensitive, and had trouble remembering things”, If that’s the case then I’ve had mercury poisoning regularly, every Saturday morning  for years.

David Mamet wasn’t buying it. Especially since the grape vine was reporting that Piven was out in the night clubs, living it up and having a grand time on the weekend he bailed. So you see the grounds for Mamet’s suspicions – Piven prodigious alcohol consumption should’ve flushed any toxins clean out of his system. Plus Piven was over heard telling people that he found Broadway boring, and wanted an excuse to bail (he didn’t mean it – that was the mercury talking!!).

Well Mamet took it about like you’d expect him to take it. He made a sardonic remark about Piven leaving show business for a career as a thermometer (now do you suppose that would be anal or oral??). Mamet had good reason to be peeved with Piven too – after the news broke that Piven was out tickets sales plummeted and ticket holders showed up demanding refunds. That left Mamet to shake his fist and make threatening noises.

Now when some one like Mamet makes threatening noises it could mean the end of your career as an entertainer. Perhaps that’s why Piven, in an attempt to avoid returning to waiting tables as a livelihood, went on TV with Diane Sawyer. While Sawyer points out that millions of people eat sushi regularly, and the safe limits for heavy metal poisoning usually have wide safety margins built in, Piven insists that his counts were beyond the high normal range (I’m sure that Pivey is high normal in everything he does), and his doctor claims he was so off the chart hat there was no reference for his case. If you knew sushi like I knew sushi, eh? Here’s a clip: 

I like the way he calls Mamet one of America’s greatest play writes when he wants to avoid a question. Rhetoricians would call that a non sequitur. Well he’s right to be nervous. If Mamet has an ax to grind, then that could be a career ender. Mamet is a big deal too. His name is on computer spell check – but Piven’s isn’t. I guess that Piven should’ve thought a bit about his career before he went all Lohan. It would’ve saved everyone having to listen to his tedious and desperate explanations for one thing. Still it’s possible that his explanation could be true. There was same talk about him also being on Chinese herbal remedies. Those things are unregulated and often plugged full of lead and mercury! Still if his Saturday morning mercury poisoning is any thing like mine have been, then he might also want to invest in a home pregnancy test too! That kind of mercury poisoning can have extreme side effects!!

PS It must be especially irksome to Mamet that the public and media seem to have lost track of the name of his play during this Piven related brouhaha. Now that ain’t gonna help Piven’s cause any.

Amy Winehouse Got 4 on the Floor

If you thought that that Amy Winehouse’s problems were behind her with her separation from Blake Civil Fielder – then you’ve under estimated her ablity for trouble! Amy did seem to be on the upswing with a trip to the Caribbean and the addition of a few extra pounds. How ever hold habits have come back with a vengeance. Amy was recently witnessed falling down drunk at her hotel resort; crawling around on all fours and stealing other patrons drinks. How bad was it?? Well take a look at the following shocking picture of Amy during her National Lampoon style vacation:

Now before we go jumping to any conclusions there’s probably a perfectly rational explanation for why Amy is on her hands and knees, and apparently very slowly making her way to ward the bar. An explanation other that the obvious that is. For instance perhaps she lost a contact lens (or her crack pipe)? Maybe she is in prayer. More likely she has temporarily lost rack of the earth beneath her feet. Any way you look at it this chick got some serious problems. Hopefully she’ll get he help that she needs.

Courtney Love Goes Mel Gibson

Courtney Love has shocked the world yet again, Her latest outrage was during an interview to Heeb magazine. Love told Heeb that she really wants Nirvana fans to know that every time they plunk down cash for an album, a goodly portion is not going to her or Frances Bean, but to an international cabal of Jewish bankers lawyers and Illuminati power brokers. Here’s a quote from the article in question:

COURTNEY LOVE RANTS ABOUT JEWS, GIRL BANDS, AND MOTHERHOOD IN HEEB MAGAZINE- New York Post

January 16, 2009 — 

COURTNEY Love claims she’s not taking drugs anymore, but you wouldn’t know it from comments she made in the Jewish magazine Heeb. Love, whose mother is Jewish but who describes herself as Buddhist, says of ex-husband Kurt Cobain’s legacy: “Every time you buy a Nirvana record, part of that money is not going to Kurt’s child, or to me, it’s going to a handful of Jew loan officers, Jew private banks, it’s going to lawyers who are also bankers . . .” The former Hole singer also mused on why she’s given up playing in an all-girl band: “Like, there are [bleep]ing riot grrls sitting there banging on pots and pans and talking about their vaginas, and that’s all really lovely, but the music blows.” On why she won’t date actors: “They’re [bleep]. They’re women.” And on being a parent: “I’m more like, ‘You’re not going to do that, so [bleep] off, or I’m taking your computer, and your [bleep]ing, you know, BlackBerry.’ “

You can now cross Courtney of off that baby name list of girls; along with Britney and Katrina. So are you disturbed to know that Grunge rock might be financing the Gaza bombings?? Look forward for more tactless drugged out ramblings from Love sometime soon – that is unless she smartens up and learns to shut her hole already!