Nadya Octomom Suleman’s Stripper Past!

The Nadya Suleman story continues to unfold with bizarre new twists and turns – so to speak. After a former acquaintance claimed that she and Octomom performed a stripper act together for two years, the controversial mother of 14 felt she had to some forward and set the record straight.
Nadya comes clean – ‘I can explain’
By her own admission Nadya was a stripper, or as she prefers to call it ‘a topless exotic dancer’. However she wants the public to know that it’s not as bad as jealous former colleagues are making it out. Nadya reveals, with plenty of mitigating spin, that she was only 19. It was an impressionable and experimental time in her life. It started innocently enough with a lingerie contest!
It was very sweet and innocent, in a dirty sort of way
Now everyone can understand the need to feel some pride in our appearance. Most of us accomplish this through exercise, grooming, diet, personal hygiene, and a thoughtfully selected wardrobe. Nadya attempted to boost her self esteem by parading around in her undies. If you’ve been paying attention to the story so far you know that Nadya has her own way of doing things.
performance enhancing nudity
Nadya quite proudly reveals that she came in second. The girl who won, Nadya states, only beat her by performing “some disgusting lesbian act” that Nadya “could never do“. I guess that’s Nadya’s way of denying the girl on girl act allegations, though it may not make any friends in the gay community. Never mind, she can handle that later. 
Hey doc, what’s up?
2nd place was good enough to get Octomom a job offer to perform in what she describes as a ‘gentleman’s club‘. Nadya makes it sound very up scale. Just to be clear these are the kind of gentlemen who like to stuff bills down ladies g stings, and may have a ‘rabbit fetish‘. Though flattered by the offer, and seriously considering it, she backed out after she realized the whole deal might not be so genteel. Nadya claims that when she noticed other topless exotic dancers giving clients lap dances, she was back out through the door like a shot! Just because they were gentlemen didn’t mean that Nadya was going to think of herself as anything less than a lady.
A consummate, mad loony
So where are we after hearing Nadya’s side off the story? Well she only admits to this after a former colleagues claims that they did a racy act together for 2 years (and performed at bachelor parties!). She makes a point of denying the worst of the allegations repeatedly through out her story – “I was merely an innocent girl who enjoyed taking her close of for nice men. Nothing kinky whatsoever!” She does however admit to being afraid that some photos from her experimental days might come to light. Perhaps this is why she’s owning up now. We’ve also learned that Octomom has some talent as an amateur spin doctor: “I was crazy; but crazy interesting, not crazy scary!” She has been following Angelina Jolie’s playbook! Oh yeah, and we know that Octomom sure like attention, and she’ll take it however she can get it!
Speaking of rabbit fetishes, singer Andrea Corr first came to public attention playing a character called Sharon Rabbite (who thinks these names up?), in the film The Commitments. That was back in the early 90’s. By 2000 she was voted the world’s most beautiful woman, until ousted by Aishwarya Rai. In fairness to Ms Corr, Rai didn’t get the title by vote, but was proclaimed such by Julia Roberts. Andrea also toured with her brother and sisters in the popular singing group The Corrs. The Corrs split up and Andrea went onto a solo singing career, releasing an album called Ten Feet Tall. At 5’1″ we might assume that Ms Corr has some height issues.
The album wasn’t really a chart buster. Andrea had deglammed her image, Perhaps she was tired of being seen as a pretty girl, and wanted to see if she could be taken seriously on her music alone. Questionable choice since the music industry is full of talented people who never become household names. Packaging counts!
So what has Ms Corr been doing with herself lately? Well Corr fans will be happy to know that Ms Corr has scored big time. Her boyfriend Brett Desmond proposed to her on Christmas of last year. He layed a $100 000+ diamond ring on her while they were vacationing in the Bahamas. Now Bret can well afford lavish gifts and Caribbean vacations because his dad is billionaire Dermot Desmond. So it looks like little Andrea has bagged big game. This guy should be able to keep her in tin whistles for life! 

Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

Isaiah Washington Moves Out of House

Former Grey’s Anatomy actor Isaiah Washington gets the boot!

Just because you’re rich and famous one day doesn’t mean that you can be down on the seat of your pants the next. Just ask Bernie Madoff. Or you could ask Isaiah Washginton – if you had the nerve the paparazzi in the video does. Only short months ago Isaiah was flying high as a cast member on TV’s No 1 show – Young Doctors In Love. Actually it’s called Grey’s Anatomy, but all these medical shows follow the same basic soap opera format. They follow the same format because it’s a successful format, & successful Grey’s was. So what went wrong for Washington?

Well there was friction the set. The usual playground politics. Factions started to form, and that lead to friction. Friction leads to occasional flare ups. The flare up that cost Isaiah his job was when he got into a snit with Patrick Dempsey – Dr McSteamy, on the set. Words were exchanged. Particularly Washington told McSteamy that “I’m not your little faggot, like him” pointing to cast mate TR Knight

Now in these politically correct times that’s enough to get you in hot water over your head.The fact that a reporter from the National Enquirer was visiting the set that day didn’t help. Washington felt it would be better to come clean and make a public statement, for the sake of his image and credibility. Better the adoring fans heard to from him, rather than read about it in the tabs. Trouble was that the reporter says he had no intention of printing the story. So much for credibility – back to “never admit anything, especially when you’re caught“!

Well with hardened show business veterans like Ellen DeGeneres bursting into to tears on national TV – not to mention the impact such statements might have had on Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson’s strained relationship – the situation was getting critical. It didn’t help that Katherine Heigl was opening up her yap to that tabs on Knight behalf, and at every available opportunity. Something had to be done. Something turned out to be an indefinite leave of absence for the disgraced actor. Assurances were given that he might be brought back once things cooled off.

Perhaps with that in mind Washington got sent off to hate camp. Actually it was some sort of sensitivity training – you know, the kind where tolerance and the right ideas are bullied into people. Though  Isaiah passed his anger management with flying colours, America wasn’t finished being angry with him. So he found himself unemployable. With a $20 000 a month pad and a real estate market that was circling the drain, you don’t need a chartered accountant to see that things were adding up to trouble.

Isaiah is still waiting for things to cool off. They still seem pretty hot by the way that reporter is tailing him. It takes a lot of nerve to ask questions like “How does it feel to be broke big shot?” To give Isaiah credit he held his cool marvellously. They anger management courses must work. Too bad they don’t pay off. As for his old cast mates on Grey’s, well that show is still racked with internal intrigue beyond a series of Survivor. In fact it look’s like Heigl is gonna be the next one voted off, by way of an inoperable brain tumour! Shonda Rhimes can play rough when she wants too!

Rap Crap

Joaquin Phoenix – now officially Hollywood’s Most Interesting Celebrity!

There’s more trouble for rogue hip hopper Joaquin Phoenix. Director of Phoenix’s last film Two Lovers, James Gray, is hip hopping mad! Two Lovers, which co stared Gwyneth Paltrow, has only made $1.63 million after 5 weeks of limited release. The movie has gotten critical acclaim, and picked a Gold Palm nomination at Cannes, but you can’t eat prestige. Considering that the film had an A List cast, the returns are an extreme failure.
So some one’s got to be to blame. Gray has a pretty clear idea of who’s fault it is too. he blames original gangsta Joaquin. The director wasn’t impressed with Phoenix’s David Letterman appearance, for one thing. JP showed up to hype the film on  Latenight looking like he’d spent the past few hours panhandling for loose change. While Letterman took repeated pot shots, Phoenix sat there looking bewildered and getting agitated. When Phoenix was asked what the film was about he replied “I dunno, I haven’t seen it“. He was unable to introduce a promotional clip that Latenight had set up.
Gray has some ideas about Pheonix’s recent personality change too. Rumours are that this is some kind of elaborate Andy Kaufman style hoax. The fact that Phoenix’s brother in law Casey Affleck is following him around with a camera seems to confirm this. Gray doesn’t know what the whole Affleck angle is, but has called him to say that it’s in very poor taste (After the returns on 2 Lover’s, Gray should consider himself lucky that Casey took the call). Gray also reveals that Phoenix has a full recording studio in his house. “If it’s a hoax then it’s an elaborate one,” Gray says, and then goes on to state “but even if it’s not he still needs help“.
Now Gray might be a little harsh in his judgements. Phoenix’s colourful late night antics may have actually peaked interest in an other wise bland film. I can imagine some people going just to  see if they can spot the exact moment when Phoenix started to crack. As for lack luster returns, no one has been interested in paying money to see Paltrow in some time. Even Gray’s assessments of Phoenix’s sanity might be out. Phoenix has probably had that recording studio for some time. Though rap is a recent development, his interest in music goes way back. So is Phoenix crazy, or crazy like a fox? The jury’s still out on that, but I won’t believe he’s nuts until I hear complaints about his hygiene and body odor!

Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

Ashley Biden Caught Cokin It Up?

Ashley Biden Caught on Tape Using Cocaine?
In the age of video, YouTube, and the Internet, celebrities are, from time to time, caught doing something foolish and are exposed for the entire world to see. The latest to fall prey to this is the adult daughter of the Vice President, Ashley Biden.

Hail to the Mischief!

Tomorrow’s National Enquirer is one you’ll want to get. They’re breaking a big story about Joe Biden’s daughter Ashley. According to the NE some one is shopping around a 40 min video of Biden’s daughter coking it up!
Livin la Vida Lohan?
The video shows what appears to be a drug transaction between Ms Biden and a male. In the video Ms Biden is shown sorting at least 4 lines through a dollar bill (or a red straw, accounts vary). At one point she jokes with the man that the lines aren’t big enough. 
It’s not what you know, or who you know; it’s what you know about who you know!
The video is being shopped around to the usual source – National Enquirer, RadarOnLine, NY Post, and an unnamed Brit tabloid (if it’s legit they’ll pay top dollar!). The seller is asking a modest $250 000 (the original asking price was $2 mill). A source at Radar claims to have seen the tape, and claims the women looks identical to Vice Pres Biden’s daughter. The seller is being represented by a lawyer – Tom Dunlap of of Dunlap, Grubb, & Weaver, since the video was (obviously) taken without Ashley Biden’s consent. Selling it could prove tricky!
Easily lead, or under the influence?
According to some unsubstantiated Internet gossip Ashley has had a coke problem for years. If the tape is legit that’s a safe bet. You don’t just wake up at 27 and decide to go drugging. Ashley is also said to be a some what naive girl, one with poor judgement and easily lead. She also lacks trustworthy close friends to keep her out of mischief.
If this is true then the neocons are gonna have a field day, or even a feeding frenzy. They’ll be looking for payback over Bristol Palin.  Every neocon that is but the possible exception of Rush Limbaugh. He’ll be too busy down at the drug store getting multiple forged prescriptions filled. The pill poppin’ did bring his weight under control. The Pill Popper Rush was the best Limbaugh’s looked in years!
“It is impossible to be defrauded in the financial markets because there are so many safeguards, so many checks and balances, and such rigorous oversight by the SEC.”
~Bernie Madoff
Daily Dharma: Chinese Buddhists urge international cooperation in scripture researches
Update: Tom Dunlap, the lawyer representing the Ashely Biden cocaine tape seller has reportedly dropped his client, citing negative publicity. Source RadarOnLine. The seller is believed to be a former boyfriend of Ms Biden’s and claims to have some illegal drugs with her on other occasions. Ms Biden’s friend claims the he knows even more incriminating stuff about the VP’s daughter. If the price is right, he’ll spill his guts.
The mystery man claims that Ms Biden was fully aware that she was being recorded. At one point during the tape she even waved at the camera.
As for Ashley, this isn’t her first run in. In 2002 she was arrested for obstruction of justice when she yelled, and spit at, a cop who was arresting a friend of hers for disorderly conduct. The charges were eventually dropped. 

Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

Those 70’s Clothes!

Now you too can dress like a test pattern!
Gwyneth Paltrow has set out on a bold new venture. The woman who named her child Apple and set up a web site called GOOP is now determined to revive the 70’s. She is launching a new 70’s based clothing line with French firm Zoetee. The line is too be called Zoetee Loves Gwyneth. Well at least some one does because frankly Paltrow is starting to get on everyone else’s nerves! So the $ 64 000 dollar question is ‘What’s gotten into her’? Disco Fever maybe?

Wrongly wet path
Now if this were anyone else you’d think that this was a sick joke. Since it’s Gwynnie we can assume she is in earnest. Gwynnie takes herself far too seriously to have anything like a sense of humour! What’s more she’s even announced that Brit charity London Kid’s Company is going to be the beneficiary of her dubious new enterprise. London Kid’s specializes in helping high risk children. I hope they’re not banking on Gwynnie to come through for them, because this idea sounds like a lead balloon looking for a place to crash!
has Gwyneth gone haywire?
I assume Gwyneth has heard about the economic situation. Then again maybe not. Common sense would tell you that people might not want to spend their money on tan polyester unisex leisure suits in times like these. Accessories like mood rings and pet rocks would be impossible to move! 
Yeah Baby!
Then again this might be underestimating the market. There might actually be a market for this junk, apart from people who’ve ‘lost a bet’. For one thing this gear would make nifty Halloween costumes. Also the stuff would come in handy at Austin Powers film festivals. If you want o get out of military service you might want to try prancing around in some of Gwynie’s innovative new designs. You’ll be section 8’d faster than you can say Klinger! Wearing the stuff will certainly get you talked about. People will probably ask you if you’re with the circus!
Duds for disco dudes!
The dude duds might even be an excellent exit tactic from difficult relationships. Just buy that certain some one a plaid poncho and platform shoes. They’ll be gone out of your life quick enough. If they miss the point just ask them why they’re not wearing the threads you got them the next time you see them. Try to look hurt. You won’t have to pull that stunt more than twice!
It would be harsh to blame Gwyneth for this. Brad Pitt’s exs tend to wind up worse off in the end. Look at Jennifer Aniston. I can only imagine what the boy does to them, but I shudder to think what Angelina Jolie will be like when he’s done with her. I can still remember when she was sexy and dangerous! Now she’s nervous and insecure. Still you can understand why she might’ve flipped a bit over Pitt. He’s as handsome as David Soul on Starsky & Hutch! If some of the rumours are true that would make George Clooney Hutch!
Coming soon to Mocksure – latest Lisa Rinna plastic surgery shocker!
Then again, maybe that’s Octomom!

Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

Target: Mocksure

I have been tagged, and not for re release into the wild either!  Dr Zaius @ Zaiusnation – of whom I am a regular & enthusiastic follower – has slapped me with a 6 random things meme. Here are the rules of the game.

The Rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

With that out of the way we can move onto to disclosure:
1. I believe that a person can do anything they set their mind too. Fortunately this tendency was detected in childhood when my parents caught me halfway out of the window wearing a home made parachute. Mom was livid – “What made you try such a crazy thing? A normal kid would’ve tried it out on the cat first!”  Then again it was her good table cloth! Booze & pills currently keep the delusions under control!
2. Significant portions of this blog have been dictated by ‘hidden voices’! I won’t tell you which parts, but here’s a hint – the voices have atrocious spelling and grammar. Sorry about that Zyblor, and give my regards to Gazoo.
3. Though I write about celebrities I have never had a personal brush with celebrity. That is except for my tendency to keep crossing paths with former MASH cast members. Last MASH spotting, Mike Farrell @ Yonge & Bloor Starbucks! That was about 1 year ago so I’m about due. Next up on rotation –  Gary Burghoff. I’m on the look out for you, Radar!
4. I sometimes think that I am being watched, but only when I am being followed.
5. I have never read either A Course in Miracles or The Secret, but feel I know enough about them to antagonize unbelievers (incidentally this also works with vegetarianism)! Their damned negativity is holding the rest of us back!
6. I sometimes wear cheap sun glasses, T’s with trendy slogans, and ripped jeans in hopes of being mistaken for somebody famous. “Hey, don’t I know you? You’re that somebody right, who does the thing on TV?” In fact I once tricked Milla Jovovich into thinking I was a casual acquaintance, via the Internet. “I don’t want to be rude, but where did I meet you?” “Oh you know, at the gallery! You were with your boyfriend. You probably don’t remember ’cause you were seriously stoned. Loud and rowdy, too! I don’t think the staff appreciated it when you described a featured exhibit as ‘Fucking Awesome!’ Poor Paul, I was so embarrassed for him!” The jig was up in a couple of days.
Sorry to be meme spirited about this
Confession is good for the soul, so now to pass the love along to Diana Prince, Distortrait
Apathetic Bliss, Jermey Barker, Diana Muse, & Prunella Jones. Do not break the chain or in 7 days you will be taken hostage by the love of you life in an embarrassing police stand off! Have fun folks!
Coming soon to Mocksure – startling pics of Angelina Jolie without lip surgery! It’s kind of an open secret that Jolie has been getting her lips fixed since she was a teenager (her family was ambitious for her and wanted her to break into entertainment early. Jon Voight has a case of Billy Ray Cyrus syndrome. Now I don’t mean that he touched her or anything like that. Merely that he encouraged his daughter as a way of making up for his own failed dreams of glory).  Occasionally however Jolie has to give the fillers a rest and let her lips return to normal. This often happens during her overseas charitable excursions, far from the prying eyes of the western  paparazzi. However occasionally the shutterbugs have scored a direct hit, like this!
Pre op Jolie?
Jolie was fairly young in that shot; either late teens or early twenties. In fact I believe that it might have been taken before she had her nose done! However her trade mark forehead and jawline are unmistakable!
Daily Disclaimer: The above shot is not of Ms Jolie, but of fashion model Suzanne Diaz.  As far as I know Ms Jolie’s lips are 100% natural, except for maybe the top one. That’s still being debated. However the rumours about Jolie’s possible lip enhancement and nasal surgery does lend it’s self to some good natured hoaxing! Lips aside, Ms Diaz does share some resemblance to Angelina – note the fore head and jawline. Well at least she looks more like Angelina Jolie then Joaquin Phoenix looks like Joaquin Phoenix!
Mocksure Political Content: Things might be challenging for Pres Obama right now, but he shouldn’t be too worried. He’s got Wonder Woman on his side!

Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

Padma Lakshmi is a burger whore

Freaky Food Fetish is finger lickin’ good!

Watch as pretty Padma Lakshmi does things with a hamburger that are still illegal between consenting adults in some US states, even between man and wife (Though not between man and burger. No law can regulate that!). As you can see her mouth gets maximum clearance, as if her jaws had hinges instead of joints! If Bill Clinton ever sees this – and he’s got a lot of time on his hands now that Hilary is out of the house – he’s gonna have the twitches for weeks! Just look for the former president with a limp (not Gerald Ford)!

Ha! Sap mad milk

selling sizzle – It’s slobberin’ time!
Geez lady, wear a bib! Somewhere out their Heather Mills is choking on her George Clooney flavoured PETA approved tofu (Now you know why the content warning is on the blog -that and the pic of Nicolette Sheridan’smud flaps several posts back!). Not exactly Ronald McDonald and the Hamburglar, but like they say ‘sex sells’. Still the voice over could’ve used more sibilant sounds like ‘succulent’ and ‘sinful’, just in case anyone misses the point.  So is Paddy just not getting enough since she parted ways with fatwahed ex husband Salman Rushdie? More to the point if that’s what she does to a burger, how would she smoke a cigar? I will say this, if she ever wins an Oscar they’re gonna have to censor the broadcast!
Bogus Zen: 
Sex is the mysticism of materialism and the only possible religion in a materialistic society.
 ~Malcolm Muggeridge
Speaking of late British journalist Malcolm Muggeridge, any one think that British actor Malcolm McDowell now looks enough like him to play him??

Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists