Perez Hilton – Don’t Get Physical

Sarah Jessica Parker baby picture

Madoff Sentenced – Overkill?

It was hard to find anything that wasn’t about Michael Jackson or Transformers 2, but here it is.

At 150 years, he’ll have to be reincarnated several times to complete his sentence (unless a couple of life sentences get knocked off for good behavior)! He’d be easier to sympathize with if he’d just cheated on his taxes.

Happy Summer Everyone

Johnny Depp as John Dillinger

What You Missed

Some one still finds Cameron Diaz attractive so that’s news.

Bernie Madoff – Time For Money?

In the business world time is money. So what do you give the guy who had everything? 150 years federal time. It could be worse. A careless typo and he might have had 150 years feral time! Phil Spector didn’t get that much for killing some one. So let it be a lesson to you, don’t mess with the money!

Bad Reporter

Parenthetically speaking – writing between the lines

“Hey Homer, some guy paid me $50 to sign some organ donor card!”

Do celebrities get special treatment when it comes to organ transplants? Whether or not they come first I’m sure that they do get the really premium organs – the prime cuts. If Steve Jobs wants a liver, no doubt some healthy strapping 18 year old is specifically sacrificed for him, under a full moon by Wiccan priests chanting hymns to Gaia. If you or I needed a liver, we’d probably get some shitty used liver out of a 50 year old drug addicted homeless person (“Will sell liver for booze!”). They’d have probably been drinking straight Lysol for the past 5 years! You know how the world works (a friend of mine swears that his liver transplant came from a police tazer victim, and that the residual static charge caused him to develop epilepsy. He’s currently looking into a lawsuit)!

Tazed & confused

Personally I think that Jobs just got tired of the old one, and wanted an upgrade. Perhaps he was looking for some thing with lots of smart user applications (I just hope that he didn’t get one of those PC livers!). I guess that it’s just lucky for the 18 years olds of America that Jobs wasn’t impotent, or no high school quarter back would’ve been safe (“Hey Gates, I just bought Tom Brady’s hard on! Let’s see you top that!” “Pull up your pants Jobs. I don’t want to see your penis graft!”)! As for the 18 year old cheerleaders of America, they might want to look out. I hear that Julia Roberts is looking into a face transplant! She’s said to be expressing a keen interest in Alison Stokke!

“Dude, where’s my liver?”

Soylent Green – It’s just not fair!

Bogus Zen: To object to the fact that the rich are getting first dibs on the good transplant material, rather than that victims might be selected to supply it, is the basis of socialism! For the unclear, that’s a basic difference between socialism & Christianity. Social justice means that you have the same right to cannibalize your fellow men as a billionaire! The lefties just failed to realize that life isn’t fair. Right wingers never confuse religion & politics; they count on everyone else doing that. To think that someone said you can’t buy health!

Biographic

Gov Sanford’s ‘sex friend’ issues statement

Gov Sanford ain’t the only politician with women problems, not if the John Edwards sex tape rumours are true!