Love & Other Accidents

“Love” is never having to say “You hit an artery”

I’m told that most accidents happen in the kitchen and in the bathroom. It’s that dangerous combination of a man, a woman, and so many potentially lethal objects close at hand. In fact we will never know how many of them were really ‘accidents’, or playful lovers games that got out of hand. A woman does something to get a rise out of her lover – like use his razor on her legs for instance. The man responds in the usual manner – “What happened to my Triple Mach multi blade titanium razor? It worked great yesterday and now some one has turned it int a cheese grater!”

At this point the girl’s pride is a little hurt. “You can’t tell me that my soft downy leg hair can wreck a razor faster than pubic Brillo pad he’s got growing out of his face!” she thinks Then she usually says something she shouldn’t – just to vent. “What are you getting so upset about?” is a standard response. Now men are stupid, & fools, but they do possess some minimal degree of sentience (like those cars that seem to know precisely the most inconvenient time to stall, & then do so). The man realizes that this is an attempt to turn things around on him. So he starts to become enraged.

Now we usually progress to the point where the man will grab the most expensive beauty product that the woman has been careless enough to leave within reach. He will then probably either drain it down the toilet or start rubbing it up between the crack of his ass (depending on what sort of a ‘winner’ you’ve picked out for yourself). As everything turns to a blank white in front of your eyes, and the blood rushes either to or from your head, you’ll usually hear something like “Now what are you getting upset about?”

Many ‘accidents’ have occurred from something like this, and winds up with a guilty looking house wife explaining to the investigating officer that she begged her husband not to bring the toaster into the bath with him, but he just wouldn’t listen. “I knew one day something bad would happen but he just kept calling me a silly woman, and reminding me that I didn’t understand machinery.” Even more accidents happen in the kitchen. That can be attributed to having a man and a woman together in the same room with so many sharp objects near by. Less frequently the driveway becomes the scene of a domestic outburst/accident.

Visit for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

The triangle is geometry’s most dangerous form

Tiger Woods apparently racked the car up while leaving his home at 2AM, not while returning home.This lends credence to the theory that this accident was of a domstic nature. Wife Elin may have found out about the cocktail waitress Rachel Uchitel (who is adamantly denying being the third point in the triangle). So that leaves a plethora of questions about the accident, not the least of which what was Elin doing with that golf club? Was she trying too free her husband from the wreck, or finish him of before authorities arrived? Remember that the woman has viking blood, so when she found out about the other woman she might have flipped out into berserker mode.

andy capp

BTW more on the lovable, drunken, unemployed wife beater Andy Capp can be found @ the British Cartoon Archive. Be warned because many of these panels are highly politically incorrect; even when long suffering wife Flo gets the better of her husband with the use of her dreaded rolling pin!

BTW One of the most unvarnished depictions of married life is not Married With Children, but Tony Curtis and Sidney Poitier in The Defiant Ones. So for any of the young and naive out there contemplating taking the plunge just imagine being handcuffed to the same person for years – until death do you part. You might instead prefer to take a plunge out of an aeroplane without a parachute!

Romance can bring out the animal in you!

Now for your Sunday afternoon viewing enjoyment here’s a little offering about square triangles, the geometry of romance, and aliens bent on world domination (I’ve never understood the whole world domination thing. This seems more like the kind of place you’d want to get away from. If there’s any truth to the Roswell story then Earth is certainly a bad place for you flying saucer to run out of gas. The locals are armed, dangerous, and shoot first then ask questions later.)!


“It’s just lucky for her that an alien walked through that door instead of her husband!”