America Loves a Comeback

America hates a loser, but they love a comeback!

Starting back when Tom Cruise first jumped off of Oprah Winfrey’s couch, it seems like a small army of celebs have ruined their image and careers by doing or saying something stupid. Michael Richards showed that he was an old fashioned kind of guy when he had hismeltdown at the Laugh Factory. He’ll probably never be heard from again. Mel Gibson shocked his fans by going religious, & then by getting DUI’d. What’s worse on the trip to the station he expressed all sorts of controversial views of the kind espoused by his father Hutton – such as the Pope is a Jewish Freemason out to enslave humanity on behalf of a race of aliens from Alpha Centauri. Maybe the aliens are really from Sirius.

Mel wasn’t finished; after that he left his wife and impregnated his mistress as an encore. Oksana Gregorieva is a Russian ‘pianist’ who supports herself by having actors children (she also got knocked up by Timothy Dalton), and who has had so much plastic surgery that her face might as well be 20% silly putty! By the time Mel got around to co starring with a beaver sock puppet for Jodie Foster his farce factor had been completely expended!

The show must go on, but it’s running out of players fast!

The list goes on: Kanye West, Chris Brown, etc all had their individual scandals. David Letterman compromised his career as a smart ass by getting himself black mailed. Meanwhile the regulars like Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton (back in her prime she’d have found a way to get herself right in the middle of the Tiger Woods scandal)kept contributing the occasional outrage. Even amateurs like the Gosselins, Octomom, and the Heene’s were trying to get in on the act by making public spectacles of themselves. Tiger Woods was the one no one expected. With images and careers dropping like flies the $64 000 question was “how soon are we gonna run out of celebrities?”

Well the good news is that redemption is possible. Paul Pee Wee Herman Reubens had a successful kids’ show back in the late 80’s. He played a kind of early version of Steve Urkel – an irritating yet endearing nerd. To his credit it must be said that he was much less grating than Barney the Dinosaur. His career as a children’s entertainer got derailed when he was got caught masturbating in a porn theater. Once his mugshot made the press, his career was finished.

However it appears some 20 years after disgracing himself Pee Wee is planning a comeback. He has a new show in the works, and he’s even managed to find someone brave enough to air it. So to the Tigers, Mels, Lettermen and other keep your chin up. It is possible to make a come back! If you can’t take a short vacation then at least a long commercial break.

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Pee Wee is starting to sound like Krusty the Clown! Better cut back on those cigarettes! Oh yeah, and no more public masturbation! Also I hope you appreciate that I got through that whole post without mentioning Britney Spears!


Tiger Beat

America’s most compelling soap opera takes on new twist

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Taking a break is probably a good idea: the scandal is increasing exponentially (about the only ones not claiming to have had sex with Tiger yet are ET’s during a UFO abduction) and besides time off golf will give Tiger more time to get laid! The only real question is “what’s he goping to do with himself?” Getting one in the hole is what he does best! Meanwhile I’ll be waiting for the inevitable Tiger Woods Sex Tape. Until that little gem emerges (& believe me it will) here’s a special music video dedication for golf’s No 1 stud. Maybe we could start calling him Woody?? At least the Heene’s can leave the house again.