Sex, Drugs, Celebrity, & the View

The ladies of The View have broken some startling new Tiger Woods information via The Daily Beast, from a story soon to be broken by the National Enquirer, without any acknowledged help from The Huffington Post! According to this version, which is attributed to the usual unnamed sources and ‘friends’, on the night that the shit hit the fan Tiger and his wife were talking seriously about their future together. Tiger tried to assuage Elin’s fears by calling Rachel Uchitel and getting her to talk to Elin. It’s the old “Will you believe that I’m not cheating if you hear it from my mistress” ploy. The guilty lovers had cooked up this dubious scheme in advance, and Uchitel spent quite some time trying to convince Elin that the relationship was strictly Platonic (strictly “Platonic would have meant that Uchitel was a guy, and that would be a whole other kettle of fish!). Not giving Elin much credit for intelligence, Tiger then popped an Ambien and went off to bed.

Tiger carelessly left his texting device behind, and while he peaceful slumbered in his drugged out sleep, Elin re contacted Uchitel. Displaying more intelligence than her husband, Elin pretended to be Tiger. Uchitel responded, “I thought that you were going to go to bed?” and there by gave the whole scheme away. She might as well have texted “I can’t believe that she fell for it” or “Your wife is so stupid” because next thing Tiger was rudely awakened by his irate wife. Not to worry because he would be asleep & snoring again before long! One thing lead to another, that lead to swing a golf club with intent, and one of the shortest getaways on record. The rest is, if not history, then at least tabloid headlines!

http://widgets.abc.go.com/o/4b22d45005a0bc7f/4b5f14a6dc428870/4b22d45005a0bc7f/586231e0/-cpid/70b7961abeab9dfc

http://widgets.abc.go.com/o/4b22d45005a0bc7f/4b5f8c815d88ea4f/4b22d45005a0bc7f/e3a0ff1b/-cpid/deae8c2f439c558

So if we’ve learned nothing else it’s that taking an abstinence vow increases your chances of getting lucky by 88%!

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More Drama

Andy Dick is in more trouble. When under the influence, Dick has been known to pull down teen aged girls’ blouses, and greab men in the crotch. This time he facing sexual assault charges in West Virginia!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640

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Balloon Boy Dad Richard Heene might be having some second thoughts about cooperating with authorities – allegedly to keep his wife from being deported!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640

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Nancy Kerrigan Update

So as you’ve probably heard, as as Wondertrash has previously posted, there’s more trouble for Olympic silver medalist Nancy Kerrigan. Her 70 year old father is dead, and her brother Mark Kerrigan is charged with assault. Her brother, a ‘troubled’, unemployed plumber with a history of assault, has admitted to arguing with his father over use of the phone, and admitted to putting his hands around his father’s throat. The 70 year old Kerrigan then fell to the found unconscious. When the police arrive they found the elder Kerrigan dead, and the younger Kerrigan ‘drunk and belligerent’. He was subdued with pepper spray. The charges against him could be upgraded pending autopsy results.

Several years ago Mark was sued by his father for 100 000, which was supposedly a loan.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

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Kerrigan’s Dad Dies; Brother Accused of Assault

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