Oh Baby

orlando bloom apologizes for pregnant wife Miranda Kerr's bitchinessLooks like the world is finding out why Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr have suddenly finally decided to tie the knot. The pair took entertainment media by surprise when they announced their nuptials recently. Now it’s not like they weren’t already settled into a comfortable long term relationship. They pair had been in no particular hurry for years.

US Weekly is reporting that Bloom & Kerr are in the family way. That means that Kerr is knocked up! Plus Bloom has been doing some explaining on behalf of his new bride lately. The pair are vacationing/honeymooning in Anguilla. While there Kerr has had an uncharacteristic attack of bitchiness. Bloom kept apologizing on her behalf and explaining that she was preggers.

Make room for daddy, but mother knows best

Speaking of babies and sudden weddings the Palin-Johnston nuptials might be off. Bristol Palin had announced her reunion with and engagement to her baby daddy Levi Johnston. She made that announcement through the media since if her mom found out first she’d have a fit. Understandable, since Sister Sarah seems to have the idea that Levi Johnston, or Ricky Hollywood as she calls him, is shiftless irresponsible scum.

Levitol – jagged little pill

Presenting mom with a done deal would give her less to complain about, although a lot more to accept. Besides, it also gives Bristol & Levi (I tried making one of those cute couple combination names for them but it kept coming out Levitol – which sounds like an anti depressant. Maybe it’s okay to go on calling them Jethro & Juliet.) a chance to prove Sarah wrong about the shiftless stuff by parlaying their marriage into a reality TV deal.

Romeo is bleeding

AS it turns out Bristol the Pistol might’ve been better off listening to her mother. Seems that Ricky Hollywood is about to become a daddy again. Now if the announcement were about Bristol it would make sense of the engagement. However it seems that the lucky lady recipient of a shot of Levi’s love is a former girlfriend (So Sarah’s heart can start beating again!). According to Pulitzer Prize Nominated the National Enquirer (they nominated themselves for their work on the John Edwards story, but the committee accepted the nomination – so get over it) Levi got back in the sack with another old girlfriend – Lanesia Garcia – while he and Bristol were on hiatus.

If Levi ever changes, it’ll be into Homer Simpson

Naturally Bristol is upset. Reports have he ‘freaking out’ and considering calling off the wedding, maybe even the reality TV series! It has to be a slap in the face after her public build up of Levi. In interviews she described him as a changed man who occasionally changes a diaper without being asked (he wants that TV deal bad!), and who is even studying for his GED’s!

deal’s off – pending DNA results!

However there may be some hope for Romeo & Juliet. The woman now at the center of America’s latest teen scandal, Ms. Garcia, claims that she’s not exactly sure who the father might be. It’s probably Levi, but she’s gonna have a paternity test to be sure.

Ironic? Maybe, but also predictable.

Meanwhile that has a despondent Bristol sitting around clutching a Kleenex box and listing to Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill over and over on continuous replay, while Todd runs his chain saw to drown out the noise. Sarah merely struts around looking smug!

BTW the drama in this situation is heightened by the fact that Ms Garcia and Bristol were child hood best friends. They came to a falling out over – who else? – Levi. Lanesia was originally dating Levi when Bristol began sneaking around with him behind her friend’s back. Lanesia is reported as saying “there’s no way I believed Bristol would do this to me. When I confronted her she admitted it and said she thought that Levi was the one“. The girls haven’t spoken since. Lanesia also described Sarah as being like a second mom to her, but goes on to say that the former Alaskan Governor hasn’t spoken to her since, and that maybe those pit bull in lip stick depictions of Sarah Barracuda might be right!

the best of the rest

Incidentally word has it that Bristol is already lining up reality TV replacements for Levi. She’s assembled a short list of douche bags & scum buckets, but one name jumps out from the rest! The best part is that he’s already highly experienced as a father and a reality TV veteran!

 as brsitol palin contemplates dumping levi johsnton again, the way is now open for jon gosslein to make his move!

Hang in there, Sarah!

wondertrash

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