Ring out those solstice bells – Hollywood style!

Happy Equinox Mother Earth! – PETA now officially as irrelevant as The Celebrity Roast!

There has been another occurrence of PETA. The controversial organization, which seems more interested in PR stunts and fund raising than offering genuine assistance to animals or the environment, showed that it was still relevant despite Lady Gaga’s meaty pro gay statements. BTW Lady Gaga also recently wore a meat dress, though some of the more timid members of Gaga’s entourage are now insisting that the dress was tofu – of the mock chicken variety. Gaga has stuck to her guns on this, insisting that she hasn’t tasted like chicken, mock or otherwise, in years.

it’s a jungle out here!

Anyway the usual array of Hollywood activists and agitators were out en masse and in force to rally round the cause by showing their commitment to making the world a better place. Pamela Anderson was there, of course. Anderson looks in dire need of artificial preservatives, or something to off set he effects of 20 years of drinking, drugging, partying, taking rides from strangers, and general Jerri Blanking around. She also spouted a bunch of platitudes which were a mish mash of other platitudes she has aired in public from time to time “Cruelty is bad, unless it’s show business related“, “Eating animals is bad, stick to eating people cause people are animals too“, and “Kid Rock had a really small dick!” While she may not have been sincere, or even coherent, she did sound as enthusiastic as a cheerleader midway through a pep rally – which is as much as you can expect from any pro celeb. Why do I get the impression that if some scientist found out how to turn baby seal blubber into facial filler no seal pup would be safe from her?

cruel to be kind? Take that, Dexter!

Dave Navarro was there and gave his 2 cents worth. “People who wear fur should be skinned and eaten!” That’s the trouble with the Hollywood folk, they’ll grab at any excuse for cannibalism, and shitty shitty scat play! Giving Dave the benefit of the doubt, perhaps he assumes that cannibalism would be some kind of fur deterrent, like the death penalty is for murder, which he’s no doubt against, the death penalty I mean. He already sounds pretty pro murder, as long as it’s in a worthwhile, ecologically conscious, and politically correct cause. Just like Alec Balwin when he appeared on Latenight and asked the American Public to rise up and slaughter the pro impeachment factions of the House & Senate back in the Bull Clinton era. Then again maybe Dave just got confused about the concept of a dude ranch! Navarro’s strictly a free range celebrity!

more or less

Speaking of sound and fury Baldwin was there to voice his support for the cause. Baldwin doesn’t look like he missed too many meals, and I’m sure he hasn’t been bulking up on tofu. Incidentally Alec was the one recorded calling his daughter Ireland an ignorant little pig during a now infamous telephone message. So basically his PETA support puts that in perspective. He wasn’t insulting his daughter, but expressing his love buy comparing her to one of Mother Nature’s blessed little creatures. In fact during that call it sounded like he loved her so much that she was becoming an endangered species. Anyway Alec got off the hook for that when it became clear that his wife Kim Bassigner, leaked the tape to get at him – there by proving that she loved her daughter even more, or less, than he does!

celebs have a beef with fur


where’s the beef?

I love how most of these characters look too doped up and jaded to even muster the wide eyed sincerity of some one to whom the idea had just occurred. “Well animals you know, that’s bad. We’ve gotta do something about that, the situation I mean, not the animals. It’s gotta be stopped.” In other words this was an opportunity to be seen and heard while gaining cred in connection with a worthwhile cause. “Celebrities like to look like they care about stuff,” as Sting said on an episode of the Simpsons (on an interesting aside and Internet acquaintance of mine told me about how Sting had lectured at their high school on the rain forest. Sting seemed sincere to the point that my friend was genuinely moved. About a week later friend goes to a Police concert. Friend gets back stage, meets Sting again and asks “Hows the rain forest doing?” Sting replies “How the fuck should I know?“). They delivered the message with the thoughtfulness and clarity of a Sarah Palin, too (no wonder Palin is the first ‘celebrity politician’ and hated by celebrities harboring political ambitions. We hate most in others what in them is most like ourselves. So a politician harboring celebrity aspirations is just too much to take!). Fortunately no mischievous types were there, to ask them whether or not they were concerned that their pro PETA stance might be interpreted as anti gay in light of Lady Gaga’s recent commentary. Then again there wasn’t much chance of that, since no one really relevant goes to PETA anymore, not even PINK!

“Save the Image” & Hollywood Humane Society, otherwise known as the retirement fund for aging pop cultural icons

Now I’m not criticizing celebs for being phony, superficial, narcissistic, and insincere in there political support – no wait that’s exactly what I’m doing. That kind of involvement cheapens even a worthwhile cause, to say nothing of bull shit organizations like PETA (PETA reputedly euthanizes a greater percentage of animals turned over to it’s care than the curiously named Humane Society. It’s something like 98%. In fact PETA workers have stood trial incidents involving the disposal of bags of euthanized dogs & cats in garbage dumpsters. PETA’s response was something to the effect of “We’re not about saving individual dogs and cats but about raising awareness of the issue“. Then they went on to announce the release of George Clooney flavoured tofu. They didn’t actually release the tofu. It seemed more like an excuse for a news conference. Perhaps there just wasn’t enough demand for Clooney flavoured food.). So it raises the question “Couldn’t their energy be better directed towards worthy goals?“, like keeping gays off of the streets by getting them into the military.


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