National Enquirer giving Michael Douglas 3 months

Remember when the National Enquirer gave Michael Jackson 6 months to live? That was back around 6 months before he died. They almost got as much creditability out of that as they do from their Pulitzer prize nomination. Naturally the encouragement sent them on a deathwatch spree, and they were predicting the immanent demise of everyone in Hollywood, up to and including Oprah & Kirstie Alley – some of Hollywood’s biggest stars in other words. That lead to a blow up on Twitter. Kirstie tool some kind of personal exception to the Enquirers little death prediction – celebrities can be so sensitive – and declared all out war on the mag. She even published the home address of the reporter who had given her for years (so unappreciative for the gift of time), and encouraged whatever fans that she might still have (There are still a few of us Cheers watchers out here!) to harass the hapless journalist! After that the Enquirer went back to their preoccupation with John Edwards’ active love life.

The Enquirer has got their nerve back and re entered the celebrity death business. This time they’re giving beleaguered Michael Douglas 3 months to live. Even casual celebrity gossip followers know that Douglas – one of America’s most talented film makers – is doing battle with a serious case of cancer. However most people decided that he would overcome this, and so went on to other concerns.

Douglas’ many friends, colleagues, acquaintances, and well wishers were sounding optimistic. Shia Labouef – his Wall Street 2 co star – claimed that Douglas would beat this cause he’s “a wolf“. Then again Labouef has every reason to pull for a Douglas recovery. Shia pulled a Megan Fox and publicly criticized his former Hollywood sponsor Steven Spielberg, claiming the director had dropped the ball on the latest Indiana Jones – man are those movies getting old. Ordinarily that would be career suicide since directors have been known to take such comments as personally as Kirstie Alley might take a tabloid death prediction (anyone heard from world’s sexiest woman Megan Fox lately?). However Shia probably felt that he’d made a powerful new friend with Douglas and so his working relationship with Spielberg was now expendable. Nobody plans on death – unless they’re suicidal.

As Douglas conditioned worsened everyone got less optimistic – and Labouef got more nervous about his future (it must be nice to know that at least one person is really pulling for your recovery). Some serious talk about when MD might pass from the mortal coil began. Some gossip had the actor down to 145 pounds. Still more talk had him refusing the more difficult forms of cancer treatment. Tabs were even printing stories about Douglas requesting Catherine Zeta Jones have one more child by him, as a going away present.

Now the Enquirer has come right out and announced that Douglas is about to pass on. They’re featuring it on next weeks cover, along with their official prediction of 3 months left. Further more they’ve down graded his weight to 139. They’re also referring to a mysterious secret that Catherine Zeta is hiding from him. So if you’re following the tragic Michael Douglas story this might be worth checking out. That is unless it would feel too vulturish or something. Not tht it should feel especially vulturish. It’s been noticed more than once that the fame business is something like offering your flesh up for sale in a for of professional cannibalism.

If that’s too morbid then you can check out Elin’s ultimate revenge on Tiger Woods!


Momma Mia

a little tittle tattle Gawker has caught everyone’s attention with a salacious bit of tittle tattle posted earlier today. According to their blind gossip item a major celebrity – barely an A Lister in their words – is a very sick customer. When they say sick they mean well beyond the usual Hollywood standards. This guy isn’t just content with anal sex, or to crap in chicks’ mouths, like the rest of those Walk of Fame perverts. This guy’s into a whole other ball of wax!

Don’t take my word for it. The exact piece posted went like this:

He calls his mates “mom” and sucks his thumb after sex. This famous ladies’ man’s girlfriend got knocked up to snag him and this pregnant celeb is having a test tube baby. Everyone has mommy issues!

1. “According to an ex-girlfriend of this A list movie actor (barely A list by the way), our actor likes to call the person he is having sex with, “mom” and also sucks his thumb after sex. Can you say disturbing?” [CDaN]

Man that’s some awful stuff! Though we might have expected this kind of stuff from Ronald & Nancy Reagan, we expect something more dangerous and exotic from our professional actors! Strangely not many people are asking who it could be. It’s as if folks already have some pretty strong ideas about who the Hollywood Mama’s Boy might be. Now Hollywood is spoiled for choice when it comes to selecting among deviants, however there’s just one name that shoots ahead of the rest when it comes to these sort of shenanigans.

The name of course is David Arquette and he was vocal on Howard Stern’s Sirius Radio about the mommy angle in his Courtney Cox relationship. He told Howie that Courts dumped him because she was tired of being his “Mommy“. Now we all took that to be figurative. You know the sort of thing; Dave was an immature and irresponsible oaf – like Homer Simpson – and Courts got tired of playing Marge. However as the following CNN video confirms, he did cry after sex.

No wonder Courtney dumped his sissy ass! That must’ve just gotten way too creepy after awhile. That’s so far beyond creepy that waking up post coitus on Dexter’s dissection table would be a relief in comparison to the crying and thumb sucking. Many people cry after sex, and even during and before. Also sucking is not an unknown occurrence. However what if this points to some kind of deeper issue. There’s a very short step from crying to thumb sucking. So could Mr. Arquette by the Gawker Mystery Weenie? Like we say here @ Wondertrashcelebrities are fucked up people!“. I wonder if Dave made Courtney spank him during sex, and if this sis something he picked up off of Brit Celebs? I hear that they’re all into that shit over there! Why couldn’t he be into normal kinky stuff, like every other pervert not on a sex offenders’ registry?


Mariah Carey Confirms Pregnancy

So it looks like there’s a Mini Mimi on the way.

Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

Charlie Sheen’s Incident at The Plaza


Charlie Sheen has more drama

the silly season begins with a vengeance!

Charlie Sheen has had his ups and downs, most of which have been well publicized. He had a nasty bust up with ex Denise Richards, and quickly rebounded with coked out skank Brooke Mueller. That lead to his infamous Christmas Day Knife Fight. That was when he got drunk and allegedly held a knife to Brooke’s throat. Now, with only 8 days left on his probation from that incident, the troubled comedian has flipped out again!

Seems that Charles was having a family day in NYC with Denise and their kids when things took an odd, but increasingly characteristic turn. At some point during the visit Charles checked himself into a hotel (the Plaza) and got into the booze and coke. That lead to some 911 calls being sent in. Other hotel occupants got alarmed when they heard the sound of breaking furniture coming from Sheen’s room. Police arrived to find Sheen unconscious and naked in the ruins of what had once been a pricey New York hotel room ($7000 worth of damage). Naturally Sheen got hauled off.

Sheen was found to be under the influence of unnamed intoxicants, and taken off to hospital on a 5150 type hold for some psychiatric assessment. Meanwhile his PR reps went into overdrive. Almost as soon as the news broke an unconvincing cover story got concocted. The official story is that Sheen had an allergic reaction to some medication he was on. That should come as a relief to Charlie’s many fans, since for awhile it was feared that the actor might be suffering from drug induced flip out Hollywood exhaustion!

Currently it is being reported that Sheen has been released and is once again one the loose. He is planning on returning to work on his popular TV series 2 1/2 Men. His ex wife Denise was at his side throughout this trying incident, and has made some supportive but non committal statements on the actor’s behalf. So it’s business as usual again, though we can’t say that things are back to normal. It seems like things are seldom normal for Charlie. However Sheen might want to get it together soon, since right now he’s a prime candidate for political asylum in Vancouver!

Speaking of freaked out celebrities there has been another occurrence of Andy Dick. The comedian was recently seen baring his genitals in public. The actor was also seen harassing a passing celebrity tour bus, screaming at the passing fans “I’m right here!” Unfortunately there aren’t any “starwhackers“around when you need them! We can only assume that these incidents are unrelated, unless some real bad drugs have found their way to Hollywood.

Speaking of outrageous celebrities Mel Gibson got canned from his planned cameo in the Hangover sequel.At first it seemed like a good way to reintroduce Gibson to the public. However his costars on the flick got upset and petitioned to have him removed. Faced with a cast revolt, the producers relented and cut Gibson loose. They claimed that Gibson would have hurt the film. The good news is that Charlie Sheen is probably available to fill in for him – if the project can be squeezed in between court dates and shrink appointments.

Does any one remember the old days when movie stars were worshiped as gods? Of course that was before we found out how crazy they are, as a profession. Personally I blame the internet for undermining their images, that and crystal meth. Anything made from paint stripper and Lysol will rot your brains!


Charlie Sheen Found Naked and Drunk in Hotel Room

The last occurrence of Charlie Sheen was at Christmas,and now there’s a naked drunken freak out in time for Holloween. A Holiday Madness theme is developing!


Escape from the Starwhackers – More on the Quaids

asylum from Hollywood

This story just gets stranger. After the Quaids recent arrest in Vancouver stories are coming out that Quaid, and his wife, believe that their are potential victims of Hollywood “star whackers“. Starwhackers is a reference to Edie Quaid’s believe that Hollywood ius murdering it’s stars for some unclear and nefarious purpose. Heath Ledger, David Carradine, and others are all victims, according to Mrs Quaid, of this Hollywood conspiracy! She also fears that herself and her husband have made the Hollywood hit list. To that end they fled America and have sought “asylum from Hollywood” in Vancouver.

Not it should also be said that the Quaids are rumored to have some substance abuse issues. Also Edie is said to be mentally ill. Sources close to Randy claim that the actor has known for years but hasn’t had the heart to commit her.