Gloria Allred catches another ambulance

Fame is like an ambulance with the siren on – the Boycott’s of America

Gloria Allred started her career as the lawyer with a cause. One of her most famous causes was a case against the Boycott’s of America for sexual discrimination! Somewhere along the line it must of dawned on her that she wasn’t forwarding the Great Liberal Cause by filing nuisance law suits, so she slid down the food chain a little way and started handling celebrity work.

would you hire a lawyer who has Jon Gosselin on speed dial?

Celebrity work might consist of repping Balloon Boy’s Dad in a law suit against any of his numerous persecutors. It might as easily mean suing Balloon Boy’s Dad in a class action case, on behalf of all those people traumatized by the story – “I can’t put Jiffy Pop Corn into the microwave now without feeling like a great big fool your honor! The very site of tin foil brings back terrible memories!

She did represent one of Tiger Woods’ many many many many side pieces – Rachel Uchitel. I’m not sure what actual award she got Ms. Uchitel but she did manage to get Tiger Woods to apologize. Then again that was a rough week for Woods and he wound up apologizing to almost everyone: the PGA, his sponsors, his lovely wife Elin, her family, IKEA, his mother, the spirit of his father (Just like Hamlet, or Superman!), golf fans in particular and sports fans in general, to Pres Barack Obama for image damage done to “Blasians” – The Pres is not a “Blasian” but in fact Blirish-American however Tiger couldn’t stop himself at this point, to the fans of Jersey Shore for having nothing better to do; he also apologized over a couple of product recalls that had nothing to do with him – or did they, and to me personally when I harassed him a few times on the street. Oh yeah, he also apologized several times for Kanye West but no one was paying attentio by then – to the apologizing and to anything regarding Kayne, Taylor Swift, and the MTV Video Awards. On second thought Uchitel may have been one of the few people that Tiger Woods didn’t make an official apology to, but the point is clear – Allred got that whole apology thing started! So she’s sort of a cross between Erin Brockovich and a used car dealer.

Oh yeah, Tiger Woods is also sorry that Jon Stewart isn’t as funny as Stephen Colbert but says that there’s nothing he can do about it. Poor man’s spirit is utterly broken!

image trouble is her specialty, in more ways than one, too!

Now Allred is throwing herself into another high profile legal conflict. Seems that a Republican contender for Governor of California has a habit of getting her house hold help cheap. How Cheap? Let’s just say that she expects American service for Tijuana prices! Now that sort of thing is illegal – even though illegal immigrants only do the work Americans wouldn’t touch in a recession (“I’ll walk away from my mortgage before I pick avocado one!“). So it’s an image problem. While it’s not as bad as opposing, using racist language, opposing gay service in the military, or being caught propositioning an undercover officer for gay sex in a public washroom; it’s easily worse than using marijuana responsibly during college and possibly still, having some old DUI arrests on your record – no one’s responsible for what they did before their political awareness was raised, or supporting a disgraced politician before everyone found out how bad they were. On the scandal scale it seems to rate around announcing the end of your marriage, driving with expired insurance, your old mugshot being released, or Tea Party Membership. So recognizing her particular niche market, Allred has swung into action and hurlt herself into the breach! Maybe she’ll make something more out of this than publicity, this time.


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