Liv Tyler playing with GM Magnus Carlsen @ The Village Chess Shop NYC

Liv has an advantage; it’s just so hard for her opponent to concentrate on the game. Looks like it was hard for the other players to concentrate on their games too.

Lisa and her lips

Now from big talk about loose lips to loose talk about big lips Lisa Rinna is pretty well known. Some credit belongs to her costars – those outsized lips that have become her trade mark. Lisa had them packed full of silicone back in 1986, a good 10 years before chicks started routinely getting their smackers blown up with collagen. The surgery served her well for years as she became more and more famous; and her lips became her trade mark.

Me and my big mouth

Lisa was to find out that there can be too much of a good thing. In the case of her lips it was nearly impossible for her to deny having surgery, since human lips generally only get that big if your a carrier of the Voight – Bertrand gene. Her lips were now so big that they virtually spoke for themselves without saying a word! So she had to live down everyone knowing about her big fake lips. Also since they were packed with silicone, certain medical concerns came up over time.

plastic angels

The major difference between silicone and collagen is that silicone is permanent, whereas collagen is temporary, and eventually gets reabsorbed by the body. So with collagen you have to make repeated trips to the doctor to get your lips topped up or they start deflating like party balloons or inflatable couch cushions. If you want to avoid those down in the mouth periods then you can go for silicone. Trouble with silicone is that it can react with the body over time, just like those breast implant horror stories everyone’s heard about for 15 years now.

saving face & down in the mouth – there’s no people like show people

Medical issues are exactly what Rinna faced during her “Harry Loves Lisa” reality TV series.Since Lisa’s lips had been a topic of conversation for some time it might be a smart idea to confront the subject in her show. She’d been coy about answering lip related questions before, so maybe now would be a good time to focus some of that curiosity into her new show. Lisa did a quick fess up on some of the more popular morning chat type shows, and then booked a doctor’s appointment. It was a near perfect scheme since it gave Lisa a semblance of creditability by admitting to something that everyone already knows, it attracts some attention to her show, plus she gets that lip problem fixed. It would have been a no lose scenario except for the undoing of so many near perfect schemes – the unforeseen.

watch your mouth

When Lisa visited her doctor for the delipping consultation she ran into the unforeseen. The doctor told her that her lips were in worse shape than she thought. For one thing the silicone had hardened, just like in breast implants. So getting all of the stuff out could be problematic. Since the show must go on, Lisa went ahead with the lip reduction and hoped for an uneventful recovery. Her recuperation period has not only been eventful, it’s born out some of her doctor’s concerns.

tissue issues

For one thing her lip reduction wasn’t straight forward. 20 years of carrying that around in her mouth left her with some tissue damage. Now her lips aren’t healing as fast as she expected. In fact her surgeon has told her that it could take as much as 6 months to recover. He told her more to, like be careful when you smile cause your lips might burst. So the upshot is that after 25 years in the business Lisa’s lips are getting a well earned vacation, pending possible retirement!

if the wind changes you’ll stay that way

Now lip might sound a bit far fetched but lip explosions really can happen. Stephanie Seymour’s lips are rumoured to have burst during a transatlantic flight. Her mouth was packed with enough gel to get her on a no fly list under today’s restrictions. When the jet hit high altitude and the cabin pressure dropped the pressure got too much and one of her lips ruptured.

Lisa lips – the scariest thing in her life!

So Lisa is taking no chances. She says that she’s taking it easy on her lips until she gets the green light from her doctor. Until then there’s no smiling, no laughing, and she’s avoiding talking as much as possible. Just to be on the safe side. In fact both Lisa and her husband Harry Hamlin are quit concerned about it. Says Lisa “This is turning into the scariest hing in my life. I just hope it doesn’t look deformed.” A friend goes on to comment that concerns over her lips are driving her crazy. So that’s proof for all of you who think that celebs are vain, insensitive, and shallow folk with egos instead of human feelings. It may have taken awhile but Lisa’s lips are having the same effect on her now that they have on many others for years!

One thing remains the same; whether she’s getting them pumped up or deflated, her lips continue to be a big deal. In fact they’re still one of Lisa’s most talked about characteristics! You could say that Lisa’s relationship with her lips is a little like the case of the tail wagging the dog except it might be even more like those old horror films about the ventriloquist who gets taken over by his dummy! Now – like Pamela Anderson and her breast – it’s tough to tell who’s really running the show and who’s just along for the ride. Congratulations to Rinna for finally putting her mouth in it’s place before it ate her career & life. Hope everything works out for an otherwise good natured lady! Besides, maybe Bill Clinton will finally stop stalking her now.

best face forward – just don’t get off on the wrong foot

You can’t blame Lisa. Woman are judged more on appearance than on performance. The result is that even very accomplished women can fall into the insecurity trap of image tweaking. By taking matters into her own hands perhaps Rinna can send out the right message. Just in time too, before Contessa Brewer’s new lips became permanent!

Contessa Brewer looks swell, and maybe swollen!

contessa brewer big lips
PS. Lisa, if you’re reading vitamin E oil – like you get by breaking the capsules, greatly speeds the healing process. As usual check with your physician before trying. As for Contessa, try putting an ice pack on that till the swelling goes down!


Bubbles out of rehab – Trailer Park Boy beats meth addiction!

pot luck

Life hasn’t been a bowl of cherries for Trailer Park Boy Bubbles since his popular mockumentary reality TV type show went off the air. Fans will remember the show as running for seven years and covering the comings and goings of Sunnyvale Trailer Park residents. Think of it as Coronation Street on drugs. Anyway the show became a cult hit here in Canada, and around the world after being picked up by BBC North America. The American’s really took to it. That lead to fan convention appearance across the continent and an eventual spot on Jimmy Kimmel; with his partners in crime; Ricky & Julian!

Bubbles survived and even thrived in the difficult trailer park environment. He remained relatively unaffected by the crime & drug use around him. He seldom drank and only did pot occasionally. He liked to stay sharpe for his beloved Kitty’s. However Bubbles was to find life in the big time to be far more treacherous. In fact fame was to take the beloved personality down and apart, as it has to so many others.

After participating in the boys get rich quick schemes since high school Bubbles found that he finally had it made. Money was rolling in, girls were calling him night and day, plus Ricky & Julian were co hosting a constant non stop party with him. Close friends started getting concerned when Bubbles began neglecting his cats. Most weren’t to worried since they felt that Bubbles was over do for some fun. Let him enjoy his moment seemed to be the consensus. Enjoy it he did – eventually drifting into harder drugs like cocaine, crack, and eventually crystal methamphetamine!

After Bubbles broke up with his partner – Ricky’s former girlfriend from the series, things went down hill. Bubbles began regularly using, and lost weight rapidly. He also started blowing through his money. When he began selling his beloved cats on Ebay the problem was obvious. By then though Bubbles was far down the wrong path.

To make matters worse, with the series now off the air, Bubbles was defenseless against his nemeses Randy & Mr. Leahy. Now free from the prying eyes of TV fans, the pair schemed until they managed to get Bubbles evicted. Now homeless on the streets of Halifax and facing winter, he was at his lowest.

Having hit his personal rock bottom Bubbles was now ready to face his demons and take some responsibility for his actions. So he checked into rehab. Besides he was broke, it was winter, and the food was pretty good. It also gave him time and opportunity for soul searching as he participated in the numerous daily group sessions and meetings. Bubbles has stated in interviews that he began to realize during that period that his major problem was his tendency to follow along. He even went so far as to suggest that alter ego Conky (and to answer the question everyone keeps asking “Yes Conky was played by veteran marionette actor Brains from the Thunderbirds”! Brains struggled with his own substance abuse issues starting back in the 70’s – an unfortunate wood varnish addiction, but finally made a come back!)may have been an attempt by suppress parts of himself to break through into consciousness. “My fuck bye, if Ricky and Julian hadn’t been there to knock me back unconscious with the booze and dope I don’t know what I would’ve have done!”

Bubbles is still clean and still fucked up in new series!

Fans will be happy to hear that Bubbles has completed his rehab and has been living drug free for some months now. Resident in a residential treatment facility in down town Halifax, Bubbles credits his new outlook on life for helping him to stay clean during the difficult readjustment phase. “Once I might have just gone out an used right. But now I know that’s part of my problem, that I’m reacting instead of doing stuff. So instead I’m working on my new series. It’s like a sequel to the Trailer Park Boys that follows me after the Trailer Park. We go through the rehab, and me trying to get jobs.” Be sure to watch and look for cameo from Bubbles many rehab celebrity acquaintances! Sounds like a great attitude that just might make a great series. Stick with it Bubbles, and see ya soon!

Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

Dog Days – Chewed out like a motherfucker!

DOG's WIFE BETH PROFANE TIRADE CAUGHT ON TAPEDuane Dog Chapman is the host of a popular reality TV show. It’s the one where cameras follow him and his team of fellow bounty hunters as the go in pursuit of fugitives. The show has been kind of successful so D Dog has gotten kind of well known. That can be a good thing and a bad thing. One of the bad things is that people pay attention to everything you say. Especially when you say stuff that you’d rather they hadn’t heard. Like the time Doggy Duane C went Tourette’s during a tape recorded conversation and used the N word about as many times in the course of 5 minutes as Christian Batman Bale uses the F word!

A premedicated plot!

To refresh your memories one of DDC’s sons was seeing a black chic. This caused some friction between Duane Dog and his kid. Since Doggy D occasionally uses racially charged language around the office, he didn’t want the chick around lest she get the wrong idea and go blabbin’. As the Dogman pointed out later – after the shit had hit the fan – though he was cool enough to get away with using the word others in the office might not have as much street cred. His exact words, as recorded by his son, are “It’s not that she’s black it’s that we use the word n***r sometimes here. I’m not going to take a chance ever in this life of losing everything I worked for, for thirty years, for some f****** n***r who heard us say n***rand turned us in to the Enquirer Magazine.” We know this because his son taped him as partof a premeditated plot to fix the old man good. He admitted to it.

That statement is highly ironic considering how the story broke – in the National Enquirer. It wouldn’t be the last time. Not that Duane would go Imus again. He was careful about preserving his 30 years work, by preserving what was left of his image. He went on talk shows, wept like Jimmy Swaggart, gave half assed explanations for himself, and said that he wanted to be buried at Mt Vernon Cemetery as a way of standing up and being counted amongst the down trodden – long after it can do him any harm or them any good. He made all the required mea culpa’s with such ferocious desperation that the public let him off with it just to end his disgraceful display of self abasement. So Dog had the bases covered. There was still that big mouthed ignorant wife of his.

the big bad bunny

For those unfamiliar with the Dogs Duane’s wife is a lady named Beth. I say she’s a lady because she has as much to be called that as any other female celeb these days. It’s still pushing it though. She’s a stocky blond woman who looks like Pamela Anderson after a dose of steroids and training with the Russian Ladies Shot Put Team. She’s also got a mouth like a drunken sailor having a fit of swearing sickness. A few years back there was some incident wear a plane got grounded because Beth’s mouth went off like a weapon of mass destruction. Duane and Beth were traveling by air to or from something – probably a little of both. Duane is juiced so settle’s comfortable into his seat for the trip. The stewardess described him as a perfect gentleman – a perfect little drunken gentleman in a mullet.

Beth was less lady like. When something happened abroad plane that she didn’t like she began screaming ans shouting and hollering like she’d just recognized one of America’s most wanted. Dog wakes up from his drunken stupor and asks what the fuck is going on before he realizes his better half has malfunction in public again. So he tells her to shut the fuck up and stop embarrassing him in front of people. Meanwhile a freaked out cabin crew has grounded the plane!

So when you got a big mouthed belligerent wife and an office of people who talk like their in a Klu Klux Klan, the race talk language is bound to reoccur again. It’s pretty much like keeping a loaded gun with a faulty trigger around the house. Sure enough there’s trouble again, as the Blunderbuss has fired!

The whole thing started innocently enough with Duane and Beth getting some renovations done on their bail bonds office. So they hire a gentleman named Bob Talmadge. Talmadge is a pro carpenter so he specializes in these home improvement deals. So he set to work on the Dogs’ Edgewater Colo building. At first everything was good. Duane dropped by and thanked the guy for making what D Dog described as a “hole in the wall” into a “nice” office. Then Big Mouth Beth got into the act.

The cure for big mouths – say it with *st*r*sks

Beth dropped by after the job was completed. Beth really didn’t feel like paying the dude for services rendered, and since the work was already done she decided that maybe the renovations weren’t so great after all. In fact she said that they sucked! She also decided that he’d been stealing stuff while on the job. So she fired him instead of issuing him a check for his work. She also called him a bunch of bad names like “m*th*rf*ck*r!” Here’s a little tape of Beth’s little tirade.
don’t be an obscene fucker!

So you can tell right away that Beth is no one you want to get on the wrong side of. What you can’t tell on the tape is that Beth goes on to describe Mr. Talmadge with a word in some dispute Beth called him a “bean sucker“. Beans are one of the stables of Latinos. So some, including some Latin American community leaders, want her called on it and the Dogs finally put off of the air. Marcos Gutierrez – head of the Bay Area Hispanic/Latino Anti Defamation League commented that “for some one who sells themselves on TV as a protector of the people this is outrageous.” Meanwhile Alex Nogales – president of the National Hispanic Media Coalition – speculated that Beth’s big mouth could case trouble for, and even spark hate crimes against, Latinos & Hispanics. He’s even petitioning to get the Dogs taken off of the air.

Beth has something to say in her own defense. While she admits to calling the poor man a “bean sucker” she meant in a good really cool way. She claims it had to do with the man’s prioson record, and nothing to do with Latinos. She also insists that she really has lost stuff around the apartment: gloves, brushes, etc.” So what she wants to know why people are making a big deal out of her actions.

Man Faces Prison for Reading Wife’s Email

Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

Natalie Portman engaged and pregnant


This Kiss

Is that my husband, Baby?

Is Gwyneth Paltrow getting carried away with her recent role as a country music queen? The role has given her a notable acting job outside the Ironman franchise. It has also gotten her beyond the world of GOOP and intro performing her own onscreen vocals. It also got her playing Tim McGraw’s wife onscreen!

Now Tim has a wife that you might have heard of. She’s called Faith Hill. The second last time you heard of her was when she dropped the F Bomb at the CMA’s just after Carrie Underwood got the prize in stead of her. The last time you heard about her was when she defended her man’s manhood against an excited fan who jumped up on stage to give McGraw’s goodies a grope – air port pat down style! Faith entered into the fray and began chiding the woman by telling her the stuff her mom should’ve taught her; like gropin’ up married men’s goodies is really low class and unlady like!

Now the bag grab was probably just good fun on the part of a random fan that Tim will never see again. So you have to forgive Faith for over reacting. Those country music diva’s can be high strung. Besides, we live and learn (as Alanis Morissette reminds us). Faith has calmed down alot since the events of 2 or 3 years ago too. In fact she’s racked up an impressive maturity level in a short time since she isn’t bothered by Tim’s close working proximity to Ms. Country Strong.

Not that Faith would have any cause to worry. Gwynnie’s got a man. He’s Coldplay frontman Chris Martin. Although the two haven’t seen much of each other in some time. That’s technically not true. In fact the couple haven’t been seen together in public for some time. It was so bad five years back that Paltrow felt the need to explain in a statement that got picked up by the National Enquirer. When asked point blank why she and her man were never seen together in the same place at the same time she said that it was for the children. The pair are frequent flyer jet setters and this way if anything happen to one of them in transit, the kids would still have another celebrity parent to fall back.

It’s a sensible precaution who’s only real flaw is that in the event of something happening the kids will be raised either a rock star or a movie star. Now it might be hoped that the two cancel out, as when picking the kids’ religion in a mixed marriage – and the kids’ might have a real shot of ending up halfway normal instead of winding up in rehab! It was also a relief to those fearing Gwynnie would come up with some kind of Victor/Victoria type explanation! Anyway it’s safe to say that the Paltrow Martin marriage is strained under the pressure of Chris not being Brad Pitt.

That leaves Gwynnie as an attention seeking actress at loose ends and with a history of doing musicians. That would drive most women nuts. Which is what makes Faith’s conspicuous maturity so impressive. I say that Hill’s maturity is conspicous because Paltrow and McGraw have been kind of conspicuous. That’s to be expected since they have their flick coming out, and being conspicuous goes with that territory. McGraw and Paltrow have been at a whole slew of events and promotionals for the movie. How can you possibly not be conspicuous in a situation like that? It would be so futile that Paltrow and McGraw have even given up the attempt.

Maybe that’s why the cozy co stars got caught nuzzling up. That happened when Gwyn got her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. It was a great opportunity to promote the film. So inconspicuous was out of the question anyway. That being the case GP & TMcG seemed to say to them selves “What the hey” and went for it – puckering up and kissing each other full on the lips! Some eyewitnesses even say that “They hugged and kissed right on the mouth and were very touchy feely. At one point they were kneeling down in front of Paltrow’s star and Tim grabbed her around the waist!

Now that might sound like a scene from some cornball romance novel, but it had to be an emotional moment in the life of a celebrity and McGraw might’ve been over come with emotion. Maybe Paltrow was overcome – excitement and an eating disorder can be a hard combo – and Tim was steadying her. Then again maybe they were rehearsing for a play. Besides there’s more!

Eyewitnesses go on to report that “They also had their arms around each other while posing for pictures. It’s obvious that they care deeply for one another.” Now while the facts may bear that interpretation, this also supports the ‘overcome with emotion’ theory. Gwynnie was clearly in a swoon again and Tim had to hold her up. Paltrow merely held on for support! If some of the recipes she posted in GOOP are any indication the poor gal must be near faint from hunger most of the time, and need as much holding up and support as she can get!

You must know right off that these kind of stories are the sort of rumors carried by supermarket tabloids, internet blogs, and other unreliable sources! If there was anything to it Faith would’ve gone bonkers, cause this happened right in front of her (Hill was attending the event). You know what a diva she can be when she doesn’t know she’s on camera and let’s the down to earth country gal act slip. However Hill was as cool as a cucumber when the lippy lippy went down.

The general consensus of eyewitness – that is those of the attendees who were looking at Faith at the back of the room instead of front at Paltrow and McGraw – describe her as “not looking happy“. In fact one says that She looked “kind of glum when Tim kissed Gwyneth on the lips.” Glumness is an understandable reaction since the same bystander says that “The kiss didn’t last long – but it sure looked like more than a friends. It wasn’t what you call a little friendly peck on the cheek.

So you can tell right there that there’s nothing to it. If there was that kind of provocation would’ve sent Hill into a frenzy the tape of which might have crashed Youtube! As it was she just looked sour and unpleasant, which might be Hill’s emotional set point. Just like a screen saver on a dormant computer! So you can get any ideas of some kind of John Mayer Jennifer Aniston style musician hooks up with movie star thing out of your heads right now. At least I won’t believe it until I hear the environmental reports warning of recent volcanic eruptions from Mount Faith!