The Lost Kennedys

Katie Holmes started life as America’s Sweetheart back on beloved teen opera Dawson’s Creek. Back then everyone knew she had a lot of potential but we had no idea where that would take. Let’s face it, the potential most had in mind is what they potentially might do with her if America’s favorite hot girl next door potentially moved in next door to them!

Dawson’s ended, and Katie kind of faded out. That was after a short lived stab at a motion picture break through. She did something called First Daughter where she played the President’s headstrong yougin’ and made herself busy rebelling against curfews and lower skirt hems. Katie might have been too sweet & fresh faced to make a plausible Amy Carter – so the flick never went anywhere. You occasionally see it in the Wal-Mart DVD’sfor 1$ clearance bins, but hat’s about the only place. Meanwhile the America’s Sweetheart role was filled by the wilder crazier Mischa Barton!

Now usually when some one goes down the route to obscurity there’s no coming back. Not until they fuck up, rob a liquor store, and wind up in rehab. So it seemed like the next time we herd about Fair Katie would be in some heart breaking but compelling absurd “Where Are they Now” spot on some entertainment TV magazine; in which she’s gotten busted as a drug mule coming up from Mexico, or had fallen on hard times and started making ends meet in the adult film industry. However Katie landed on her feet, instead of on hard times. She also landed on Tom Cruise.

Now there’s no need to exhaustively go over the rumors about their hook up and allegedly love live; except to say on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Kate swore that Tom was the love of her life, and admitted that she couldn’t remember exactly how she met Tom. That may have been the same episode where she revealed that she’s been molested by a friendly dolphin while adventure tripping with Top Gun down under. If I were her sig other I’d hate to think that some dolphin was more memorable than the day we met face to face!

The reason she couldn’t recall when put on the spot might have something to do with the rumors about how they actually met. According to some inside sources, Tom went trolling around for a new missus after things hit the fan with Nicole Kidman. He tried Penelope Cruz for a while, but that didn’t work out. Penny was too Catholic – and he’d been down that road with Nix before. So he held a cattle call.

Word was put out that there was a big audition for some part in the next Cruise movie and every one who wanted to be any one, again or for the very first time. lined up like Cinderella’s sticking out their hooves for the Golden Slipper. Scarlett Johansson claims she’d showed up thinking it was a legit casting call. When she got to the hotel suite she found Scientology pamphlets strewn around everywhere and the room temp up to approaching 100! She got creeped and left. Lucky she didn’t hear those subliminal tapes playing just below the threshold of conscious hearing or she might really have freaked!

So Tom missed out on Scarlet. He missed out on Jessica Alba, and at least one other in his top three. When he got to # 4 he found she was just right, like Goldie Locks. Her name was Katie Holmes. The rest is history, and youtube videos. The good news was that America’s Cutiepie was back in the public etye, and we could go on enjoying her charms.

Since her husband was an A Lister of Mel Gibson caliber (yeah I’m being ironic) it looked like we’d have an opportunity to ogle Katie as much as we liked and in a variety of positions. She’d be doing a whole slew of films, right? Her high powered hubby would see to that. Except that Tom wasn’t seeing to much, outside of image spin and damage control. Seems that the public didn’t buy the whole “I like girls” routine. Note to Tom – it’s more convincing if you cheat on your wife, rather than picking out her clothes; which are truly fabulous since you’ve taken the reigns might I say!

Tom did his best – you can’t disappoint a young wife with stars in her eyes and high expectations. So something got arranged. She did something called Dirty Easy Money with Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah. Now that covered the angles; since Diane Keaton made the project respectable, and Latifah made it relevant. The thing tanked out: Diane was never heard from again, Latifah hosted the Emmy’s, and Katie wound up somewhere in between – still married to Tom. After that the only truly interesting project to come out of their partnership was Starchild Suri Cruise.

Sometimes, when things look their darkest, something comes along. For Katie this came int he form of the History Channels The Kennedys. Though it was a cable TV project it offered Katie the Golden opportunity to play American Icon Jackie Kennedy. Jackie was one of the most stylish Americans ever, and well beloved by the country. So any actress who gets to play her has some of that gold dust rub off. Now you gotta know what Katie was thinking and that would have been something like “If any one can save my ass now it’s Jackie Kennedy!”. So, as Holmes has admitted, she poured her heart and soul in tot he role by “working really hard” at it. After all, the only other icon she’d had a shot at playing was Wonder Woman, and no one was having that. Wonder Woman’s more of a Liv Tyler role for one thing!

Well Katie worked hard with high hopes for the future,a dn eventually the thing got completed. All that was left then was too sit back and wait for a bewildered nation of TV viewers to see her as Jackie Kennedy. If she could get the hair, clothes, hats, and accent down, with out screwing things up too badly, then no one would expect Shakespeare level acting from her. Evey one would be so impressed by seeing her as Jackie that her public image would be reinvented and her career reignited. Or so you would think.

As Katie should have come to expect ever since hitching her wagon to Tom’s star – things are never that straight forward. In fact there was a hitch this time too. This time the hitch was that the whole project got canned. They had the whole thing completed and done – just waiting for someone to line up the feed and send it out on TV, and they still canceled it. So the world would never see Katie as Jackie, except in still from People Magazine. That’s just not the same as seeing her sashay about with a nifty hat and the best Boston accent she can muster – “Jack, I just wanted to want you to stay away from Cliff & Normie, they’re bad influences. No wait, damn it! I knew I shouldn’t have prepared for this by watching old Cheers reruns!

Never that is until now. It seems some of the clips are getting out. So for regular wondertrash readers here’s Katie in the life of Jackie Kennedy!

http://cache.reelzchannel.com/assets/flash/syndicatedPlayer.swf

The Kennedys | Barry Pepper | Greg Kinnear | Katie Holmes | Tom Wilkinson | Movie Trailer | Review

So there it is, and the world finally got a chance to see it. Look on the bright side Katie. maybe this thing could see the light of day, by being released directly to DVD. Just like Lindsay Lohan’s last several projects. Don’t knock it because the industry really does pay attention to those sales figures! So it might not be glamorous, but the money’s honest!

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Top 10: Least Desirable Women 2011 – Askmen.com

It’s a good idea – let’s face it, Facebook was built on stunts like that (plus relationship status updates. 80% of FB;’s appeal is people checking up on the ex, or the kids, or the employees, or the boss. So if you want to design the next hot web site remember that powerful combo of sex and snooping!). In order to really take off though, it needs a catchy name, something like “The Fug List”! You’d read the Fug List wouldn’t you?

BTW You probably noticed that Cenk is still participating with TYT, but now more in spirit than in person. He was in on that broadcast, but not in his usual spot. He was off somwewhere and being beamed in, as if by live satellite link. Life’s been busy for political punditry’s #1 wise guy; what with being called retarded by Ann Coulter in retaliation for calling Sarah Palin retarded. So naturally the guy can’t spread himself to thin!

Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

Charlie Sheen is sorry

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

Tila Tequila sex tape

Tila Tequila shows us her disturbing little snippet

Tila Tequila is a very ambitious personality in the entertainment related field. She also lives a very activie *ahem* social life. So it was only natural that we’d be seeing more of her. See more we do in the following disturbing little snippet. It show Miss Tila and an acquaintance gettin’ it on. So if you want to have a gander at her goosy, put the kids to bed and lock the livestock in the shed, then proceed at your own risk.

http://www.youtube.com/get_player

I think that was more ‘entertainment related’ then actually ‘entertaining’.

Oh yeah and the unofficial story about this is that TT staged it her self and is now faking some official outrage through the usual channels – lawyers – but only to promote her home made porno project; which she hopes will hype her career by getting her back into the public eye. It worked for Kum Kim Kardashian didn’t it?

BTW this is the first sex vid posted to Wondertrash and I’m so pleased that Miss Tila Tequila is my first! Although I think that thing may have given my computer a virus!!

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