Good Luck, Chuck

There’s an up side to everything. Take marriage for instance. By definition it might be a life sentence to an institution, but there’s always the possibility of parole, called divorce. Yesterday Wondertrash covered the story of how Kelsey Grammer got time off for bad behavior. That’s kind of like no good deed going unpunished in reverse. Well when it comes to bad behavior no one tops the Warlock Charlie Sheen. Now, in addition to enriching the language with his numerous catch phrases, the Sheeenius has given hope to the hopeless by finding light at the end of the tunnel.

It started about 3 years ago, as the Warlock was coming off of another brutal divorce from ex wife and high priced slut Denise Richards. That was a nasty piece of business that startled spectators with it’s allegations of internet porn, prescription pill abuse, and conspiracy theories! Since Denise has a dirty mouth – in more ways than one – no one took her seriously. When she denied breaking up BFF Heather Locklear’s marriage to Richie Sambora, everyone decided that she was completely full of shit. Though she said that she did what she didn’t do out of love, and because of her mother’s terminal illness, people weren’t buying it. Perhaps that’s because the strain of the whole ordeal drove Heather nuts and into an alcoholic relapse.

After that nasty business Charlie was ready to start over. A change is as good as a rest and as luck would have it Charlie got neither in the form of coke head Brooke Mueller. Though they made a big show of togetherness by posing on magazine covers together with their new twins – basically to rub Richards’ snout in it, their turned out to be far more to Brooke that met the eye. Like a drug addiction that drove her into rehab while pregnant (and they think she’s a better parent than him?).

Now when you get drugs, ho bags, and Charlie Sheen all together in the same place fireworks happen. Happen they did during a family Christmas get together. Charlie was getting lubricated and Brooke was getting bitchy. So about the time the dinner was served Charlie got so addled, what with the booze and the harpy shrieking at him, that he got a little confused. He temporarily lost track of the turkey. He mistook his lovely wife Brooke for the center piece and aimed a sharp object in her general vicinity, allegedly. Now mistaking Brooke for a turkey is a mistake that anyone might, allegedly, make; drunk or sober. It still got blow all out of porportion and made the usual Charlie Sheen type headline “Christmas knife fight at Sheen’s residence leads to actor’s arrest!

Calling cops into the picture is just uncool, and bound to put a strain on an otherwise fragile relationship. When things reach that point you have to either remove the cause from the patient or the patient from the cause, as my daddy used to say. So the principals in the drama went off to their respective lawyers to get everything ironed out in a mature and civilized fashion, like successful Hollywood types do. Then they each went off to TMZ to tell the world how bad the other was. Charlie had an insatiable lust for coke and hookers, apparently; and Brooke was whore of such epic proportions that she made Denise Richards look good in comparison. I think that the Sheenius won that battle of the insults!

While the lawyers were making busy and Brooke was running her mouth to gossip[ sites Charlie lost him self in work. He had his successful 2 1/2 Men show. Now what with pouring himself into the job, he needed occasional releases – to blow of steam. That lead to some more headlines, and about 5000 in damage to a New York hotel room. Charlie’s wild over the top antics also lead to some friction with his 2 1/2 Mern boss. That also lead to his colorful. Before it was over CNN was knee deep in goddesses and outlandish rhetoric!

So it’s been quite a 3 years for Mr Sheen. The good news is that thhis sad period has officially come to an end. Though they divorced a while ago, their was still the outstanding issue of the kids’ custody. When Charlie went warlock before a live national audience, Mueller took the opportunity to pounce. She seemed to think that the kids would be better off with a drugged out loser than in a house full of hookers. So she brought poor Charles back into court to dredge up their unhappy marital issues. That has now been resolved. US Weekly has reported that the pair have worked out some kind of a deal. There are no details about where Bob & Max are gonna wind up; with the coke head or living with hookers, but US W states that Brooke and Charlie are happy with the arrangement. They must be mad optimists if they can find anything to be happy about in that mess. Anyway this will hopefully give Charlie more free time to work on his stand up routine. Maybe he can even bring Sheen’s Korner back!


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