Rachel Uchitel Preggers

Rachel Uchitel: Natural beauty or world’s largest cubic zirconia?

Life is full of tests. Some might seem a little “challenged” at first glance; like Rachel Uchitel. However when it comes to tests, some make up for it on their orals! Now for those asking “Who the fuck is Rachel Uchitel?”, then might I answer “It’s clear that you’ve got better things to do”. I can add that this was the one that blew – maybe literally but let’s say only figuratively – Tiger Woods out of the water. That was back in the days when Tiger Woods was almost perfect or something. Like Achilles he had his heel, and if there’s anything Uchitel knows about it’s heels! Before you knew it Tiger’s Swedish Sweetie was hopping mad and folks were reading about it on the gossip sights. Tiger took a little while to get his nerve back and has only recently started winning golf games again.

Uchitel has had a busy time since then. In fact her dance card’s been booked tighter than Alexandre Dupree – remember her (she’s the one who brought down Elliot Spitzer, who nowadays can’t even find regular employment on cable news though once upon a time he was Gov of NY)? She’s made some attempted forays into the heady world of reality TV. She also got involved with celebrity shyster Gloria Allred (& she’d sue me for that if she knew who the fuck I am!). By got involved I mean she hired Allred to get her some money and wound up trying to get some money out of Allred when she thought that Gloria had sold her out by convincing her to take a deal. See what we mean here when we talk about “back stabbing- infighting” etc. Just another day on the school yard – only Shakespeare with his alleged “angelic wit” and his confirmed weakish spelling ever envisioned the world as a stage!

That bag’s life had had more ups and downs than a B movie ingenue -and it’s had it’s ins and outs too. Those ins and outs bring us to the very latest Uchitel story. Seems that her hole works both ways! By that I mean she’s got herself all knocked up (belief it or not it’s more than some of her kind are capable of!). Some of you might be doing double takes over that kind of news. 1st the ironically named “Christopher” Hitchens gives up the ghost in time for Christmas – now this slut goes and shoots the shit out of the Evolution Theory! So it’s a bad time for ats all over. Lest you doubt me, here’s a picture of Ms. Uchitel that proves her reproductive organs actually do extend above the cervix – so see then for yourselves!

Yet another Daily FAIL

Wasn’t that heartwarming, what with her decked out like a candy cane in time for Christmas? The bitch looks totally busted, but seems not too know it; which makes her look even more totally busted! BTW her hubby is Matt Hahn – that’s the guy there in the shot who doesn’t know how far up his own ass he stuck his head by marrying Ms Uchitel! Now here comes the really good part. Ms Uchitel only found out that she was in the family way when she auditioned for The Amazing Race. As part of the auditioning process she had to take a drug test. No fucking kidding – reality TV ain’t anything you can memorize lines for so high school was right for teachin’ you to cheat! Anyhow the test come back positive for pregnancy!

BTW I can not confirm that Rachel Uchitel shares a plastic surgeon with German actress Xenia Seeberg, only that there is a strong “family resemblance”.


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Just because bloggers want to go on mad drunken tears for months at a time doesn’t mean that the exciting world of celebrity gossip comes to a stand still. In fact it goes remorselessly on. There are the new and developing stories like Kim Kardashian’s alleged marriage and very real divorce, after on 72 days to whomever it was that she was married to. While Kim hummed and hawed about giving the wedding gifts back – “why should I? People wanted me to have them and they help me feel better after my divorce” the mercenary TV personality might say -others wanted to know if it was true that she got a big 20 million pay out for the marriage, in the way of deals from cable TV nets works. For the amount of time that she was married those massive too big to fail pay outs almost amount to what Mike Tyson used to get fore his seconds in the ring, back in his glory days. Of course a marriage can be far nastier than any boxing match.

Truly love is a many splendored thing. Kim isn’t the only one to show it either. One of the big on going stories was the Passion of Saint Mel. Mel got into some heavy duty trouble when he started two timing Jesus with some Russian slut on the make. That wasn’t the best public relations follow up for his hi profile DUI and subsequent separation from his wife Robyn. When Mel got his new Russian sweetie Oksana Griegorieva preggers the shit hit the fan. That ultimately lead up to a whole mess of tape recorded phone calls get made public on celebrity gossip sites like Radaronline – you know how those commies are for wiretaps! It also lead to some domestic abuse charges in which Oksy claimed that she had been sacred and abused by a man who would not allow her the space for her love and gratitude to flow freely, and express it’s dubious existence in that way; as opposed to expressing it’s dubious existence through tape recorded phone calls and criminal charges.

Anyway that thing has come to a head now, for now. Mel has had his big court case on his crime against womanhood, and the judge has handed down the sentence. Basically it’s the usual celebrity deal consisting of community service, with some kind of rehab stint to get tacked on later if Mel ain’t enthusiastic about the comserve. Some celebs, like Lindsay Lohan, seem to have a real problem with that stuff. Any way here’s a short clip of our hero in his big meet up with the judge and she laid down the law – Hollywood style. Go on and grab a closer look cause you know that you want to!

no good deeds go unpunished even in Hollywood

BTW tings are getting nasty for the Kardashians with lots of rumors about her mom falling out with her BFF Kathy Lee Gifford. The National Enquirer is also reporting on some kind of Kardashian Oprah Winfrey rift. It’s apparently a falling out over charity in Haiti. While both women went there to be seen in the presence of the world’s unfortunates; Oprah roughed it with Sean Penn – and you can’t get much rougher than that except maybe Mickey Rourke 15 years ago, while Kim seemed more interested in snagging 5 star accommodations and getting pedicures! BTW Kim says the whole thing was way exaggerated. As if this wasn’t bad enough the Kardashains are having some problems with the help – no revolutions from down in the bowels of the Bastille or anything, as in the following short video:

I just hate it when people are exploitative, or exploited! Speaking of which Rick Perry has aimed some new gimmick at teens. That shows he has vision, meaning that since kids are too youg to vote he must be aware that he’s already blown it this time around. As for the gimmick – I think he’s floating a rumor that he’s related to singer Katy Perry or something.

Just what the youth of America crave – more Jesus! Anyway Jerky Dicky ain’t the only hi profile Repub making waves. Ron Paul is doing it without Jesus. He merely made recourse to a pop culture short cut by way of American Idol contestant Kelly Clarkson, and a Twitter outrage! Here’s somwething from that from our good friends over at the Young Turks (not that I know them personally or anything, I mean beyond trying to borrow money!)

That brings us to our final story of the day, and back to the themes of sex and crime with none other than Paris Hilton. Apparently the snow’s been falling out of season for her down in sunny California!


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