Pistol Packin’ Pippa

Riding the carousel of hope

Celebrities are people who like to pretend that they’ve done something. That’s a compromise between the desire to be important and whatever is holding them back, like fear & insecurity, laziness, complacency, or a deep vein of laize faire. Many of them recognize this – perhaps through a deep process of introspection or just the usual therapy, and that can draw them into various kinds of activism. This is an election year so you’ll see that soon.

enough to stop you in your tricks

Incidentally the difference between politicians and celebrities is that celebs like to pretend that they’ve done something and politicians like to pretend that they haven’t. Remember the time when Richard M Nixon swore up and down that he wasn’t a crook? Nixon’s problem was that he just wasn’t a very good actor. So one thing that you can say about actors is that at least pretending to do stuff is less dangerous than actually doing stuff, most of the time.

The Circus comes to Paris – more unforgettable royal moments

Sometimes pretending to do something can backfire. That’s what happened to Pippa Middleton recently on a trip to Paris. For the half dozen or so people who don’t know Pippa Middleton is the younger sister of the Duchess of MiddletonPrince William’s new bride Mrs. Kate Windsor. She’s a cute girl who became even more attractive through her sister’s new found cache. So she’s kind of a British Bristol Palin. She was rumored to be involved with William’s younger brother Prince Harry for awhile but whenever he’s asked about it he laughs and shakes his head. Harry’s known to be a bit impulsive and trouble prone but no one really wants to be involved with Pips cause she brings the circus to town. No one that is except the few brave souls who went out in public with her during her recent Parisian excursion. That turned out badly.

Pippa the pistol

Pippa was out and about seeing and being seen while riding around town in an Audi and accompanied by some hoity-toity friends like fashion mogul Arthur de Soultrait. You can imagine how many friends you make when your parents are millionaires and your sister is married to the Prince of Wales! It was Soultrait’s birthday recently so no doubt everyone was still feeling on top of the world. So when they noticed some pesky paparazzi tailing them it was understandable that some youth high spiritless ensued. By high spiritedness I mean that there was an ‘incident’. The police weren’t so understanding because the incident involved a gun.

Pippa & co. vs the scuttlebutt shutterbugs

Seems that when Pippa & co. noticed that shutterbugs were on their tail they responded like Capt. Kirk when there are Klingon’s off the starboard bow! One of Pips’ companions whipped out a gun and then took aim straight at one of the cameramen. From the pics that are now circulating around the world the guy drew a bead right on the paparazzo! That’s a kind of unfair duel since the paps is shooting pictures. In an information age that left Pips friend outgunned.

especially scandalous

Now the reason this is especially scandalous is that France has some very strict gun laws. It goes back to the whole war on terrorism thing. France was one of the ‘coalition of the willing’ if you’ll recall. It’s only natural that they would’ve been supportive since then American President George W Bush is a descendant of French nobleman and founding member of the Knights Templar Godfrey de Bouillon (The Templars have been threatening a reunion for years, just like one of those classic 70’s rock bands). Supportive is fine but it can have side effects like restrictive laws and TSA groin grabs!

who would’ve guessed that the war on terror would eventually catch a celebrity?

In this case one of the results were some restrictive fire arms laws. For instance it is absolutely forbidden to use a gun to warn people off. If you have a license of a gun you must keep is covered at all time and out of sight of the public. If you break the law you could wind up spending 7 years behind bars. Now the guy is claiming that the gun was a fake and everyone – not surprisingly – is agreeing with him. Though the only thing you can tell from the pictures is that the gun appears to be a semi automatic & pointed at a photographer, even the paparazzo is swearing up and down that it was a toy. If the gun is a fake they could still send the guy away for 2.

Worst Case Ontario

What this means is that the police will be investigating. Pippa’s world famous body could even be hauled in for questioning. That’s bad enough but in a worst case scenario:

“If the evidence points to [Pippa Middleton’s] involvement, she will be prosecuted,” a judicial source told Us Weekly. “Anybody involved in the illegal use of a handgun in public is liable to arrest and interrogation.”

spinning it old school

Not that it’s likely to happen. Pippa wasn’t holding the gun. The guy sittin’ beside her is probably in a world of trouble right now though. The Royal Family is kind of in a state too. They’ve been contacted for a comment. That’s just the kind of a call they sit around eagerly waiting for. They responded with real enthusiasm too. A Royal Spokesperson said that since Pippa is not a member of the Royal Family then it’s not the Royal Family’s responsibility. That’s how you say “No comment now fuck off” in upper class britspeak.

the way I see it – like a live grenade with the Pip pulled out

So where does this leave us? There’s a young man in Paris looking at criminal charges cause he had the misfortune to be sitting next to Pippa Middleton (& sitting next to her is like sitting next to a grenade with the pin pulled out – you never know when it’s gonna go off!). Plus the Royal Family are sitting around wondering how much trouble Pippa is gonna make for them. The Middletons have no doubt got an earful from their other daughter – the good one – who no doubt got it from her husband who got it from his father Prince Charles who got it direct from the Queen or by way of Prince Phillip, depending on the seriousness of the situation. That’s called a chain reaction.

dodging bullets like Wonder Woman




So the Middletons, who are an ambitious family that just got the biggest break they could ever get are probably sitting around wondering how to make Pippa tow the line. That probably has Pippa reflecting that having a Duchess as your big sister is no fun sometimes. So when Prince Harry laughs and shakes his head about her then maybe he’s a wiser young man than everyone has taken him for. In other worlds Pippa’s a bad girl to be standing next to in a lightening storm! Then again many celebrities are dangers to themselves and others.

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Charlie Sheen’s Video Message to President Obama

Sure Brad & Angelina have gotten engaged, but here are a few words from Charlie Sheen!

As for Brad & Angelina there are some unanswered questions about that too. So far Hollywood ‘jeweler to the stars’ Robert Procop – or that’s what I call him because it’s the sort of phrase you’d expect to turn up in a gossip blog – confirms that he had been commissioned to design an engagement ring for Angelina Jolie and that he is designing it with Brad Pitt. Jolie wore the ring (estimated value $250 000) in public just the other night at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art where she was attending a private viewing.

Brad’s spokeswoman Cynthia Pett-Dante later confirmed the news, saying: ‘It is a promise for the future and their kids are very happy. There’s no date set at this time.

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Mel Gibson calls holocast horseshit

Once upon a time it all went wrong

screen writer joe esterhas claims actor mel gibson called the holocast horseshit and threatened to have oksana grigoreiva killedOnce upon a time Mel Gibson was Hollywood’s No 1 man. These days he’s better known for his controversial opinions and volatile relationship with his ex Oksana Grigoreiva. Now that started innocently enough with an impaired driving arrest down in Malibu. Mel was stopped on his way home from a bar by a couple of law enforcement types who found the Braveheart actor to be under the influence. So they took him in. That lead to some colorful and controversial comments about the Jews, Mel’s long battle with the bottle becoming public, and the phrase Sugartits getting coined. Anything that enriches the English language can’t be a total loss.

phone freaking

Mel’s wife left him after that. So Mel made friends with a plastic Russian on the make. That was Oksana. She had a face full of silly putty and a womb full of Gibson Triple A! That was good for her since her son Alex by Timothy James Bond Dalton was 14 at the time and at 18 the child support runs out. So this will keep her in the style to which she’s become accustomed for awhile. Oksie had one more thing going for her – a bunch of taped phone calls in which The Melster was ranting like a banshee at a full moon! Mel went on and on about blow jobs and rose gardens in between fits of hyperventilation. Now many people were gonna cut Mel some slack on Oksie cause she seemed like no prize (& by ‘no prize’ read ‘mistake waiting to be laid made‘).

back to the drawing board

One person who isn’t inclined to cut Gibson any slack is screen writer Joe Esterhas. Esterhas was retained by Gibson to write a screenplay for a project based on the Book of Maccabees. The Maccabees is an apocryphal Biblical book about a clan of warrior Jews who set about to drive the invaders from the promised land. So this would’ve been another religious themed and probably violent work from Gibson.

you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry

Gibson was not pleased with Mr. Esterhas work on the project. Gibson claims that over the course of 15 months Joe failed to produce a script or even an outline. So Mel got mad. When Mel gets mad he can freak like the Hulk after a dose of gamma rays. Mel himself admits in his official public apology to the screen writer that:

“I was very frustrated that when you arrived at my home at the expense of both Warner Brothers and myself you hadn’t written a single word of a script or even an outline after 15 months of research, meetings, discussions and the outpouring of my heartfelt vision for this story. I did react more strongly than I should have. I promptly sent you a written apology, the colorful words of which you apparently now find offensive. Let me now clearly apologize to you and your family in the simplest of terms.”

Gibson then goes onto point out thatI will acknowledge like most creative people I am passionate and intense.

Screenwriter claims that Gibson “hates Jews,” & called the Holocaust “horses**t”

Joe Esterhas has had some things to say about Mel Gibson too. It’s the usual stuff but embellished with details. Some concern antisemitism, and involve comments like:

“You continually called Jews ‘Hebes’ and ‘oven-dodgers’ and ‘Jewboys.’ It seemed that most times when we discussed someone, you asked ‘He’s a Hebe, isn’t he?’ You said most ‘gatekeepers’ of American companies were ‘Hebes’ who ‘controlled their bosses.'”

“You said the Holocaust was ‘mostly a lot of horses**t.’ You said the Torah made reference to the sacrifice of Christian babies and infants. When I told you that you were confusing the Torah with The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, … you insisted ‘it’s in the Torah — it’s in there!’ (It isn’t).”

tough cookie is a bitter pill

Other details are about the ex. Granted Grigorieva is a tough broad to like (she’s right down there with Courtney Love on the personal magnetism scale), but Gibson seems to be making no effort. According to Esterhas:

“You were raving at Oksana even after you’d reached a custody agreement over Luci,” he writes in the letter.

“And then you were even more explicit about your threat: “I’m going to kill her! I’m going to have her killed!” You said you’d become friends with two FBI agents (or former FBI agents) and they were going to help you to kill her.”

So that’s lead Esterhas to form some harsh conclusions about Mr Gibson. Says Esterhas:

I’ve come to the conclusion that the reason you won’t make ‘The Maccabees’ is the ugliest possible one. You hate Jews.” Ezterhas wrote in the letter obtained by The Wrap.

coming soon – the Twitter account

So where does that leave Mel now? It’s probably safe to say that his goose is cooked. In the Twitter era the public has come to realize that their favorite movie idols are more than facelifts and big white teeth. Along with the passion and drive that makes them superstars can go some pretty flaky personality traits combined extreme & erratic behavior. However Gibson goes off of the celebrity personality disorder scale. He’s perceived as hateful & angry. That makes it hard for the public to support him. So his public image may be shot beyond redemption. It’s a shame that Mr Gibson entertains such feelings because he is also a talented and charismatic actor who had a very promising career as a film maker ahead of him at one point. Nowadays the most you can say for him is that at least he doesn’t have a Twitter account! It’s also a reminder that showbiz is a dicey game. Even after you’ve arrived a & got it made it’s still snakes & ladders.

aiming for trouble, missing at Hollywood

Speaking of which it’s been a rough time for one of Hollywood’s royal families. Clark Gable was one of the original screen icons. If playing Rhett Butler in Gone With the Wind ain’t iconic than nothing in Hollywood is. His son – Clark Gable Jr – who bears his name was born 4 months after his famous father’s death. Until recently he was seeing make up artist Christiane Lange. Lange was found dead at the couple’s shared residence in Malibu only just recently. No one is still sure how she died but there is some talk about prescription drugs. The last time a Gable got in the news was last summer when Clark Gable III got himself arrested for pointing a laser at a LAPD helicopter. He claimed that he was aiming for the Hollywood sign and missed. He still got held on $60 000 bail since the LAPD doesn’t take pointing lasers at police choppers kindly. Before that Gable 3 made headlines when he was stabbed in the rib cage while attending a party.

spooning with Hayo

A while ago Wondertrash reported that Heidi Klum was seeing her Top Model co host Thomas Hayo. Now there’s some confirmation on that. The following photo shows the pair involved in some intimate behavior. So either they’re seeing each other or Heidi was having some difficulty figuring out how plastic spoons work & Tommy was demonstrating the right technique for her. While the helping hand must’ve been appreciated for clarity & simplicity’s sake plastic spoons work pretty much the same as regular spoons. So perhaps there was some personal motivation for the hands on approach.

playing trashy & sitting pretty

If you’ll recall Heidi Klum used to be one half of a super couple with Seal. They were the celebrated as having it made and making it work – as their periodic recommitted ceremonies seemed to show – until it came apart. Immediately after the separation was announced Seal continued to wear his wedding ring and claimed that he would always love Klum. Now divorce proceedings are rolling along with Seal filing for joint custody of the couple’s 4 children. Which once again goes to show that you can’t count on much in a lifestyle that promises everything. Even the top of the Hollywood food chain don’t get to rest on their laurels. However keep checking with Wondertrash cause it’s the blog that leaves you sitting pretty!

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Courtney Love goes off on Twitter again

a rock n roll wife that makes Yoko Ono look like Mother Theresa!

Courtney Love is a dangerous woman and with a Twitter account she’s like a child with a live grenade (BTW I stole that line from George Bernard Shaw, who describing TE Lawrence writing skills said “I’d no more trust you with a pen than I would a child with a torpedo!” It seemed okay since Shaw ain’t using the line anymore.)! Part of what makes her so dangerous is that she’s a ‘criminal genius’. At least that’s what her father, a former shrink, has called her in interviews. Then again according to Courts he’s the guy who gave her acid hit #1 at the tender age of 4, and #2 at the age of 6. Courts has had an alleged drug problem for years, which makes her even more dangerous (Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt and say alleged because the only thing we can say factually is that she displays erratic public behavior). What really makes her dangerous is that she doesn’t care what she says, or who she aims the shit stream at. In her most recent outrage it was former Nirvana drummer David Grohl, by way of her daughter Frances Bean Cobain!

Courts latest twitter account is under the name @Cbabymichelle, and is protected. Locking down the feed is a good idea since Love has said some outrageous shit in the past. During her last hi profile twitter outburst she accused the dead of rising from the grave to vote Republican or something. Actually she claimed that she was being rooked out of Nirvana royalties by crooked ‘suits’ who’d set up bogus mortgages under her late husband’s social insurance number. So maybe she should get some credit for anticipating the whole savings & loans fiasco circa 2008.

This time Courtney is accusing Grohl of getting it on with his late friend’s daughter. She claims that she heard from someone or another that Frances Bean was getting a lift from Grohl & his driver and that Grohl was all over her in the back of the car. Now those are some strong words but here’s a copy of the Twitter feed that some how got unlocked by the good folk over @ Gawker (To be clear I’m not accusing the Gawk of hacking Love’s feed News of the World fashion. More likely one of Love’s followers was disgusted and forwarded some screen caps to interested parties. Pissing off people is an occupational hazard of shooting off your mouth in public.). A copy of the twit feed is posted below so that you can view for yourselves.


It gets better. Love started sending some twit posts Grohl’s way. However the David Grohl she posted to was some German student, and not the Foo Fighter. She also tweeted regarding Grohl – “him i am about to shoot, dead.” Some people took that as poor taste and perhaps being right up there with O.J. Simpson threatening to give a gal a tracheotomy. So that’s saying a mouthful. There have been some disliked rock star wives in the past, who got blamed for spoiling their husband’s careers – like such as Yoko Ono, but to put it in perspective John Lennon would have had to have married Charles Manson to be in Courtney Love territory!

The whole thing reminds me of a colorful little fable I heard in youth. One winter there was a small starving sparrow looking around for something to eat. Just as things looked bleak along comes a horse and drops a load right near by. The little bird is saved – she drops down and makes a hot meal out of it. Then filled with joy and predigested din dins, she flies up into the top branches of the nearest tree and sings her little heart out. Along comes a hawk attracted by the birds voice, swoops down, and eats her. The moral of the story is “When you’re full of shit keep your mouth shut!” Though that never deterred anyone from blogging, it’s a good story to keep in mind of you’re a celebrity with a Twitter account! That goes double when the side effects of your addiction issues include verbal diarrhea!

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Watch Lindsay Lohan Age Before Your Eyes (VIDEO)

it seems like yesterday since she’s been around forever

It seems like Lindsay Lohan has been around forever. That’s because she started young. At an early age she was sold into celebrity bondage while still a child. Some blame her parents for this. Now that’s kind of harsh. They didn’t send her up in a balloon or anything, while negotiating with CNN for rights to exclusive child in distress video footage. Nor was she one of a multi embryo celebrood spawned specifically for the purposes of reality TV! Still her parents probably didn’t do much to help. That’s why she’s had to rely on the kindness of strangers over the years, like such as Dr. Drew. Perhaps those high minded meddlers were more strange than kind as Lindsay hasn’t fared too well.

life is a moving violation

Now Lindz has had her problems, like repeated run ins with the law. It seems like Lohan has spent more time in front of a judge than a camera over the past several years. Now to give the poor young lady the benefit of the doubt much of that stemmed from probation violations from previous probation violations from the original charges for things as innocuous as drinking and driving, or blowing off community service and court mandated rehab. It’s like a small nucleus of petty criminal infractions has pyramided out into a life of crime. Then again that Lindsay does have an attitude – like the time she got into that snit with a staff member at Betty Ford. Gosspistas will recall that Lohan got caught coming or going over the wall – like Steve McQueen in the Great Escape, & by a staff member who wasn’t a fan of the film. Next thing you know TMZ is in on the act and the staff member is wearing a neck brace (maybe she had her arm in a sling) and law suits are getting talked about. That poor woman eventually lost her job. You can’t work at Betty Ford if celebrity clients are afraid that there gonna get sued. The case may have been eventually settled or dropped – moral of the story is it don’t pay to play with firecrotch.

sleazy going

So Lindsay has done a lot of troubled living in her 25 years. When you burn the candle at both ends it tends to show. Lohan hasn’t just burned it but set it off like a fire cracker. That’s left her in the worse for wear club. Everyone knows that stress takes it out of you. Just look at Presidents serving especially trying terms of office. They go from youthful America’s Quaterback types with athletic good looks and sleazy easy going charm to grey haired dessicated old geezers recovering from their triple by passes. As for Lohan she’s in worse shape these days than Ronald Reagan was after his run in with David Hinkley! It’s so bad that the last time she really made the news it was the days after hosting Saturday Night Live (her idea). That morning former 80’s rocker Debbie Harry walked out on the street and got swarmed by paparazzi who mistook her for Lohan!

So how bad is it? You can survey the damage that the ravages of fame & see for yourself by viewing the following video. Brace yourself and if there are children present then you might want to get them out of the room before you run this thing.

a little clockwork orange with her vodka?

So what happened to the woman who used to be the promising girl with a spark? Most people blame the usual suspects like drugs and alcohol. If only there were some way to force her to get help, they think, perhaps through amputation or mind control, then she could be restored to some well behaved zombie version of her former self. She might no longer be the girl with the spark they reason but at least you could let her out ion public. So she’d wind up like Alex in a Clockwork Orange – that is unless she rejected her programming and went on one massive relapse bender. Fans of Clockwork Orange will recall that brain washing has side effects – though maybe a light mental flossing might be in order.

you’ve got to reach the top before rock bottom is a worth while trip

Others think that lousy parenting combined with the absence of any real friends in her life as left her at a lose. They closest thing she’s ever had to a nurturing relationship was they time she shared with Samantha Ronson. People who were normally supportive of gay relationships seemed very disapproving of that one. Officially it was because they assumed she was faking it in some kind of an attempt to get attention – not that she’s ever had to attempt to get attention. Unofficially it was probably because they thought Ronson was ‘enabling’ her and it was gonna be a lot more difficult to get to her if she was hiding behind her lover. People have to be isolated and broken down if you’re gonna get them to rock bottom and the pint at which they’re ready to receive help on your terms – oh those rehab power struggles! Charlie Sheen could tell you a thing or two about that believe me!

Baphomet strikes again! – another victim of the New World Order

The conspiracy minded, whom I include myself among, believe that it’s because Hollywood is infested with Illuminati demon worshipers who seek out the brightest and best from America’s youth, lure them into the candy shop like some infernal flame drawing unwary moths, and then proceeds to corrupt them. In practice corrupting them means chewing them up and spitting them out through the usual process of flunkies, drugs, bad deals, plastic surgery, nude photo spreads, tattoos, alternative celebrity spirituality cults, rehab, law suits, and failed comebacks. It’s happened to Britney Spears and Megan Fox is current somewhere in the midst of that cycle. In the end what’s left is unrecognizable.

the down side of child sacrifice

However what happened is only speculation. Only Lindsay may know for sure and no one would believe her if she told them. For one thing no one’s gonna listen to that lying little druggie! So she’s better off keeping quiet, except for whatever she’s obliged to say under oath in a courtroom. What we do know is that celebrity has worked out about as well for her as it has for most of the other child stars out there – except for the ones who died. Saying that fame and fortune ain’t everything it’s cracked up to be, no matter what they – tell you might sound like a bit of a cliche, but in this case it’s more of a truism. So if you have children of your own and are thinking about cashing in on their youth and potential then think twice. You know how that’s gonna work out. Further more no one will believe that you didn’t. That means your excuses won’t wash in the merciless court of public opinion (where they can’t hang you but they’ll get you one way or another cause there’s more than one way to skin a cat!). After all you were warned, and should’ve been smart enough to know different anyway! You’ve seen that show before for one thing!

There are no refunds for a misspent youth so give your heart a facelift!

Part of the trouble with the entertainment business is that it’s a little like selling your soul, or at least like cashing in on youth and beauty. Trouble with that is there are no refunds, no matter how good your plastic surgeon is. The best you can do is roll back the odometer a little for a while. Eventually the mileage catches up with you and brings along the interest charges. Sadly there are no facelifts for the soul, except for perhaps Qaballah.

Saving face or taking heart – gossip that’s like a personal trainer for your soul

However you don’t have to get involved in the celebrity rat race to enjoy show biz. You can do it vicariously and from a safe distance through Wondertrash – the blog that doesn’t look a day over 30!

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Kanye West in Love With Kim Kardashian?

More sad sexy stories

Beep, beep!

Yesterday Wondertrash brought you the sad story for Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux. It seems that when ever Jen starts seeing some one it turns into a sad story but this time it was worse. Jen apparently got hen pecky and controlling ot the point that she’s slowly and painfully eating Theroux alive. The rumours are so bad that you can look for Jen to start shopping for special orthopedic shoes she can force Theroux to wear, thereby hobbling him and thwarting any possibility of escape! After that it’ll just be a matter of adding braces and some extra thick goggle glasses and he’ll be the funniest looking kid in class. You know the kind of a mess over possessive mothers can make. However if Theroux can develop some appropriately nerdy new interests, like documentary film making – then this bad turn might pay of in geek credibility! Or he could just run like hell assuming that his radio tracking transmitter hasn’t yet been installed & he still can!

the moral of the story is better safe than sorry

The moral of the story is that when it comes to romance men never learn. That’s because testosterone causes brain damage! It impairs the cognitive functions so that no matter how many close calls a man has he still thinks that he can keep getting away with it, instead of realizing that his luck’s about to run out!

Gettin’ lucky or just fucky fucky?

Speaking of luck running out the subject of today’s post kind of proves the men never learn with sex idea. He’s Kanye West. Now KWest has one strike against him from the word go and that’s a fondness for booze. You’ll probably remember way back when Taylor Swift was just some chick with an overbite that Kayne made a spectacle of himself over her at the MTV Awards. After an evening of knocking back the Hennessy’s Kayne hopped up on stage during Swift’s award acceptance and cried “foul“. That incident prompted the President to refer to him as a “jackass“. The little buck toothed country singer got a lot of sympathy out of that and it paid off in career dividends too!

low profiles in high places

Kayne had to keep a low profile for awhile after first performing the necessary public mea culpa’s. The situation was bad but not critical. He didn’t go off like Mel Gibson or anything. He didn’t do anything mugshot worthy. So his image was theoretically salvageable. Rehab might even be bypassed. All he had to do was straighten up and fly right, and keep his nose clean from there on in.

when the ice berg met the love boat

Well Kayne might be in immanent jeopardy of screwing up his last chance. See the thing is that West’s nose has allegedly found one of the dirtiest places it could possibly get into, and that’s Kim Kardashian. Rumours are that they’re seeing each other and that Kayne’s serious enough to use a four letter word about it – starting with “L”. Now Kardashian is like an ice berg in search of a cruise liner so the best advice Kayne might get is “Jump back, Jack!

short, informative, & flirting with disaster

Here’s a short informative video on Kayne’s decision to flirt with disaster.

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Jennifer Aniston is slowly hen pecking Justin Theroux to death!

a little tittle tattle

There are new disturbing reports about Jennifer Aniston‘s love life. Now she’s had a long string of misery ever since Brad Pitt ran away with the homewrecker. However if the tittle tattle about her Justin Theroux affair can be believed, then Angelina Jolie was involved in more of an intervention than a Pittnapping. Now Jenny’s been through a long dry spell so a little over compensation can be expected, but what you’re about to her could make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up on end – especially if you’ve been in one of those relationships.

short pants romance

According to a variety of sources like such as In Touch among others and quoted by celeb gossip site Gossip Cop – they bust bad dish – the Theroux Affair is starting out like Seymour & Agnes Skinner and in danger of blossoming into some kind of Norman Bates arrangement! Quoting heavily from InTouch though disavowing any sympathy with the mag’s editorial line, CG’s post refers to Aniston ‘mothering‘ Theroux. Mothering means “calling all the shots” & “wearing the pants“. Specifically this means that Aniston is interfering with Theroux in such ways as deciding which of his little friends he’s allowed to go out to play with. Specifically there’s some East Coast crowd that she considers to be some kind of bad influence. She keeps them at bay by preventing Theroux from wandering away. So when they have a play date Aniston books the restaurant. Choice gives control! That might not be so bad except unnamed sources also claim that she picks the entrees, cuts his meat, and wipes his chin!

Life is such a mess that he’s going bald from stress!

Then there’s the hair issue. Seems that Theroux is starting to lose it. So Aniston has whipped up some special shampoo in a touchingly GOOPy move to help stem the receding tide. She’s also enlisted celebrity stylist Chris MacMillian to come up with some kind of camouflage makeover to disguise the ravages of romance on the poor man’s scalp. The comb over is a ‘reaction’, & has only ever made a bad situation worse. In many cases it is only treating the symptom instead of the underlying cause of male pattern baldness – estrogen allergy!

Hope the blood on that signature ain’t dried yet!

All this got stirred up a couple of months ago when it was reported, and then denied, that Theroux had joined up with Aniston’s agents – CAA. Now that story has been allegedly discredited, but it would fit the whole Mama Carlson pattern emerging. Booking Theroux up with her agents would give her major influence over his burgeoning career, by determining what world he gets and who he gets to work with, and thereby what professional contacts he builds up. It’s taking charge of the whole professional networking issue by putting herself in a position to direct the traffic. So if he doesn’t want to cooperate, then he’s decided that he doesn’t want a career either! Of course and as stated, Theroux hasn’t officially sold his soul.

missing links

It would be easy to be judgmental about Jen, especially if you’ve seen that Misery movie with Kathy Bates & James Caan. For one thing these are only rumours. Rumours practically beg you to jump to a conclusion (That’s because they leave out so many steps that they require a leap of faith to follow the story. If you don’t watch your step you can even get stuck in a suspension of disbelief!).

Kathy Bates & Norman Bates & Little Lambsy Ivy

Besides it’s been a rough few years for Jen. She hasn’t been a happily married woman since, well grunge was a popular alternative musical style! There have been a number of close calls and near misses with guys like Gerry Butler. However the countdowns got scrubbed before things got off the launching pad! No trip around the moon and no happily ever after splash down. So maybe after finally finding some one she really likes Jen has decided that this one won’t get away ever. That wouldn’t make it the first time in human history that a guy’s *wings* got clipped by an insecure & overbearing woman. On the bright side now they get to be *friends* forever – unless Justy can invest in an effective pair of sneakers. Then the show can be transformed from Mama Knows Best into a Roadrunner episode!

Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux

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