Cher in the Family

Family Matters

These are rough days for Cher. That’s because she’s having family trouble. 1st she had some public differences with her son Chaz over his gender reassignment surgery. Now she’s on the outs with her second son Elijah Blue – by Greg Allman. Her differences with Elijah Blue could be serious – because they’re over love!

golden apron strings

Elijah is 36 and has never really worked a day in his life. Not that he needs to because his mom supports him. That gives him more free time to travel, spend money, and run up bills for his mom to pay. He has a business manager to help him keep track of those bills and make sure that they get paid. Business manager is paid by mom too. Not that the guy is completely aimless. He tried heroin addiction for a while. Cher dropped a ton on rehab helping him to get clean. It’s like his life is crying out for some kind of focus and direction.

King’s ‘the queen’

Nature abhors a vacuum. Now it seems that focus and direction has come along to fill the void in Elijah’s life, and in the form of a fetching young woman with a Brit accent. The lady is 25 year old Marieangela King, but her friends call her Angie. She and Elijah are getting on famously too. They met in Cologne Germany about 11 months ago. That’s Angie’s home base – she plays in a band there featuring not only herself but her 4 siblings. Elijah is a struggling musician & artist himself – so they pair have something in common.

money for honey

Elijah likes to be supportive of his new gal too. He’s decided to show her the world for one thing. So he’s taken her to Venice, Italy. There’s also been a  trip to St. Bart’s. He’s also showered the girl with expensive presents! Money’s no problem cause Cher’s good for it – so Elijah just whips out his mom’s black Amex card when he needs to keep the wheels of love greased. Nothing’s too good or too much for the young lady EB calls “my queen“. Now the pair are living together down in Malibu in one of Cher’s homes. So it looks like the young man has finally found something that he can fully commit to. You’d think that his mom would be pleased. Nothing doing. Cher is miffed and not only over all those credit card bills she’s getting in the mail.  For one thing every woman has a past and Angie is no exception.

a woman with a past

You see there’s a fly in the ointment. Marieangela was raised in a ‘sex cult‘. In this case the cult was the notorious “Children of God” . AS for the sex let’s just say that if Jimmy Savile was gonna join a cult Children of God would’ve been top of the list. The cult had lots of controversial practices like “flirty fishing” where female cult members were supposed to act like ‘temple prostitutes‘, and screw prospective converts until they came around and saw things the right way. Within the cult everybody was screwing everyone and especially the cult’s Big Daddy David Berg – alias David Moses. Trouble was that everyone also included the kids so the whole thing became a huge mess. Many young people raised in the Children of God – now called Family International – wound up mental cases. Some have even committed suicide.

How involved was Angie in the Children of God? Her father Michael Jaffery King has admitted that he spend 25 years in the notorious cult.  A friend of Angie’s, quoted in this week’s National Enquirer, says that Angie admits that “she was involved in underage sex, but it was all she knew. While they called it love – forcing young children into having sex with adults is abuse. Thew way some kids were manipulated was also brainwashing and torture. It was hell on earth fort many of the children.

 Black Amex meal ticket is a gold plated green card?

Cher her has other concerns too. She’s afraid that Angie is only using her son. In particular she’s afraid that King sees Elijah as a gold plated green card into the promised land! So she’s been making her suspicions known to her son. That’s gone over about how you’d expect since Elijah merely has to remind Cher about her won colourful past. Like her one week marriage to Elijah’s dad Greg Allman. Then there are her two divorcees and numerous toy boy type relationships l;like her fling with the Bagel Boy. So mom loses the moral high ground fast. Meanwhile Elijah is talking marriage.

All in the Family & Three’s Company

Upshot is that the situation is going down hill. Elijah has never really been sober but he’s been drinking more lately. Cher’s not doing much better. She’s gearing up for a big farewell tour in February. However the stress of the while “Angie” situation is causing Cher to develop stomach trouble. Meanwhile Elijah and Angie are living in Cher’s home, but son and mother are barely on speaking terms – & Cher hates Angie! Who would’ve guessed that money and sex could make such an explosive, & miserable, combination? Having future daughter and mother in law under the same roof doesn’t help either. Just ask Erin Moran! Upside is that at least Elijah & Angie ain’t staying at the motel 6 – like Joanie Cunngham – however this story is still developing so who knows where it will go.

All in the Family original unaired pilot!

Family life can be rough no matter who you or or how much you have. Especially when you have  grown children and their partners living under the same roof as aging parents. No show showed us that better than TV classic All in the Family. So let’s have a blast from the past now with a look and the original and unaired pilot featuring Carroll O Connor and Jean Stapleton that eventually made the show we remember possible! Some of the names and faces are different but the routine is basically the same – so have fun!

Wondertrash Family Values

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Coming Soon to the National Enquirer – Cher Sex Cult Shocker

Cher, a sex cult, & brainwashing!

It’s been awhile since we heard from Cher – however never fear because she’s back again in this week’s National Enquirer with a story that should put Diana Napolis into overdrive! According to their titillating headline the Oscar winning actress singer is involved in some kind of sex cult (is there any other kind?). This sex cult is heady stuff too. It’s not your good old fashioned friendly 60’s orgy where kids freaked out squares by experimenting with drugs and oral sex. The headline is promising the full MK Ultra trip with torture and abuse, not to mention brainwashing! Now you can’t have sex and torture without brainwashing because apparently the most direct way into any one’s head is between their legs. The NE also mentions “shocking secrets” but no word if the shock involves the usual electric cattle prods that sometimes get used in these ritual sex brainwashing cults. So this one is a “must read”!

Good Wholesome Fun & Other Figures of Speech

Now if you can’t read the Enquirer to find out about Cher’s pervy secret sex life, then at least pick it up to find out about Joe Simpson’s startling gay confession! He’s got a toyboy half his age & the former pastor’s wife has sued for divorce. So I guess he was telling the truth when he said those erotic pix he took of daughter Jessica and posted on line were just good wholesome fun! At the time people figured he was way too interested in photography & especially when his own scantily clad daughter was the subject. Now we know that Papa Joe just don’t swing that way. Plus when he referred to his daughter’s “assets” as “those suckers” it was just a colorful figure of speech! People must be so ashamed of themselves for having misjudged that situation, & jumping to the wrong conclusions! BTW Jessica might be devastated, but will probably soon get over it if she can figure out how to parlay this into a ‘gay following’ & possibly even ‘icon status’.

9 out of 10 people think OJ was guilty – they just couldn’t find those 10 for the jury

Then there’s also OJ Simpson‘s secret hit list. Now just because it’s a secret doesn’t mean that you can’t read about it in the Enquirer – cause that’s Pulitzer Prize nominated journalism for you! OJ was once one of America’s most beloved sports hero’s, but since the mysterious demise of his ex wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ron Goldman he’s become the biggest creep since Richard M Nixon!

Isn’t it possible that our client couldn’t possibly be guilty?

Now OJ was found “not guilty” in a court of law, just like Casey Anthony. That didn’t convince anyone of his innocence. Most seemed to think that the verdict was confirmation that the American Justice system was just as bad as the media said (& they say it’s almost as bad as the American Public Education System that keeps the justice system in business and the jails full – which is not the fault of the teachers, the government, or the students – so someone’s not being straight!), and that jury duty was for people too stupid to get out of it, or who had nothing better to do – 12 suckers good and true! So naturally when they ran up against OJ’s legal dream team they didn’t know what hit them. Reasonable doubt struck them between the eyes so hard that if you asked them what city they were in they probably couldn’t swear to it. “Can you be sure that you’re not asleep somewhere else and only dreaming you’re here? Then our client couldn’t have possibly done it!” Or this is how many seemed to see it.

American Gothic

By the time the trail was over everyone saw OJ as the man who got away with murder. That is until he eventually got busted for some kind of kidnapping armed hold up beef. People thought that had been a long time coming. They also saw him as some kind of mad dog throbbing with homicidal rage and waiting to go off like a ticking time bomb. Allegedly fathering a Kardashian didn’t help his public image any either. It did manage to dredge up a 90’s story into something resembling relevance. So OJ’s long awaited hit list is finally making it’s tabloid appearance. So if you’re feeling nostalgic for the days of grunge and “edgy” FOX TV comedies then you might want to check that out! The Enquirer doesn’t answer the question of  “what pool did they select that OJ jury from” – but Wondertrash might shed some light on that! Just take a look at the picture below!

after oj simpson's aquittal people were wonder from what pool of duds and rogues the jury was drawn from

they helped lionel hutz save Homer simpson from eternal damnation, even though he was as guilty as sin; but would they have been guilable enough to aquit OJ?

So read the Enquirer but remember that what you can’t find in the Enquirer you can get right here where the whole Celebrity Rogue’s Gallery is the specialty!

Coming Soon To Wondertrash – Super Hero Work Outs!

Superheroes, like celebrities, are usually unusually good looking. It’s a kind of job requirement – people look up to them so they can’t afford to look ridiculous while wearing their underwear on the outside. So that means in addition to the gifts God, or their animator, gave them like straight white teeth, chiseled features, and strong jaw lines, they’ve also got to boast buffed bods for their latex fetish wear.

As celebs can tell you fitness doesn’t come with out a price. Many times that price is a check payable to their friendly neighborhood plastic surgeon. Other times the price has a more personal cost, like effort and sacrifice. So that means diet & exercise can be essential if you wanna stay so good looking it’s criminal.

Red Kryptonite Ain’t Bull

Not surprisingly superheroes have their little beauty and fitness secrets. Batman does a particularly grueling version of Pilates down in the bat cave, when he’s not chasing the Joker of flirting with Catwoman. Spiderman has his own bizarre version of calisthenics that involves rigidly holding the same position for hours while hanging from a web. Superman’s body doesn’t respond well to exercise, which is a kind of side effect of his invulnerability. His body is a kind of immoveable force that can’t be harmed by bullets or helped by push ups (let’s face it when you’re that powerful you’ve got a hard time finding the right resistance level to work with). He has found a chemical method to keep in shape though, and has been secretly addicted to Red Kryptonite for years (It’s the real reason his marriage to Lois Lane broke up – though DC Comics will never reveal that. They’re totally invested in protecting his good guy image and afraid of him turning into another Hulk Hogan!).

wriggling around with Wonder Woman!

Many superhero health secrets are stuff ordinary people can’t use, unless you have access to Batcave, can spin you’re own webs, or have access to a reliable supply of Red Kryptonite (& be careful buying that stuff on the street because about half the time it’s mixed with meth!). The good news is that most superheroes have health and fitness regimes that are remarkably down to earth and practical. It’s stuff that anyone can do, even if they don’t have special powers and only aspire to looking good in skin tight clothes! So Wondertrash is working on a special interest article which will reveal which superheroes do what – who lifts weight, practices tai chi & yoga (hint – flexibility helps a super heroine in distress slip out of bondage situations!), who’s a vegan, and who’s full tilt Atkin’s Diet! So be prepared for some surprises!

super heros ahve many beauty and fitness secrets, like Superman's red kryptonite addiction
Amazon Yoga with Wonder Woman: a gentle yet surprisingly challenging way to stay flexible and strong plus “It helps me to stay loose in a tight spot!”

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Adriana Lima is a knockout

Supermodel and professional angel Adriana Lima has been battling to lose excess weight since giving birth to her second child. One of her favorite exercises is boxing. Lima says that it helps her stay tuned mentally and physically! So here’s a pic of a real knockout in action!

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Girls with chemistry

Tweeting for democracy – Lindsay Lohan is actively apolitical

lindsay lohan has as much trouble as any American young woman like parents drugs arrests rehab and choosing which presidential candidate to vote for

If being Lindsay Lohan were easy then anybody could do it. Let’s face it the gig comes with some problems. Like the usual mother daughter situation. Lindz and Dina got into a spat recently over $40 000 Lindz loaned mom to keep a roof over her head. That lead to a tense Long Island limo ride and a visit from the cops. Lindz papa Michael got involved, because Lindz phoned him. He’s the one that called the cops. He also taped the called and sold it to TMZ. It also prompted Michael to take more interest in his daughter’s life: he surprised her with an intervention – that’s for the kind of life events Hallmark doesn’t make cards for, and is rumored to be seeking a conservator ship. Lindz has reportedly said that her father is now dead to her.

drawing fire

Things have kinda been hectic for the girl. So it’s not surprising that she’s backing off of her Mitt Romney endorsement. The actress came out in support of him recently saying that it was because the economy & employment was an issue. That drew some fire – since politics is a hot button issue. Since Lindz is in more hot water than she can handle right now she’s toned down the partisnaship.

twittering debate

The recent Presidential debate was the perfect opportunity to moderate her position. Lindz took to Twitter with a series of non  committal tweets in favour of both candidates, like “RT if you’re #ProudOfObama as our commander in chief.” & “We should be focusing on @BarackObama and @mittromney’s policies rather than their personal cliff-hangers w/women.” – which was in response to Vanity Fair. She topped the evening of politics & tweeting off with “Nice work to both @BarackObama and @mittromney. I’m so relieved that [the debate is] over. Maybe more than both of you…severe anxiety- God bless xo L” Now you have to give Lindsay credit for at least one thing, in choosing between father figures she’s learned how to hedge her bets!

Lindsay Lohan tweets the debate and learns an important lesson - when choosing between father figures remember to hedge your bets

artificial nudity – Megan Fox is blatantly satirical

Lindsay Lohan started out with Megan Fox, back when they were in Mean Girls together. Megan was the Mean Girl. Behind the scenes Megan says that Lindz used to get her to go to the corner store during shooting breaks to buy her cigarettes. The idea being that Meggers looked old enough to buy ciggies without raising suspicion. That was probably the last time Meggers looks didn’t raise suspicion!

Foxy big mouth

Since then it’s been a wild ride for both of them. Lindz has had her public battles with addiction, her parents, & the law, while Megan became a star in Transformers & the most ogled gal on Google, before falling out with her studio masters and slumping back into career low gear. The official story behind that was that when she called Transformers director Michael Bay “Hitler” in an interview Bay’s boss Steven Spielberg got miffed. Spielberg – who did Schindler’s List and who is active in Jewish charities, called up Bay and told him to get rid of the girl with the big mouth. After that Megan married long time partner Brian Austin Green and had a son Noah Shannon, born about 1 month ago.

and nod and a wink with your tongue in your cheek

Not that things have slowed down for Meggers & BAG. Green had to fork out $200 000 in a law suit to a former girlfriend.  Now Meggers is in legal shit of her own. Seems some naughty pix of Foxy have found there way onto a website called Celebrity Jihad. – if you’re an ent blogger then you wish that you’d thought of that name. CJ is a celebrity parody site –  if you’re an ent blogger then you’d wish you’d thought of that idea *wink* –  that likes to post “satirical” pix. In this case satire meant pasting Meggers head onto another woman’s nude body. You didn’t need to be a ent blogger to think of that (unless you’ve got the same idea of satire as a 14 yr old boy)! Foxy was not impressed.

appreciated but hard to believe

The Fox got in touch with her lawyers and they sent out some cease & desist orders – those things seem to be getting popular, hopefully Kate Gosselin hasn’t started a trend. Foxy wants the pix taken down as soon as possible, & may seek damages. Says Celeb Jihad to TMZ – “While we appreciate Megan Fox’s concern for her image, we find it hard to believe that a woman who spent two Transformers movies bent over with her breasts pressed together could have her reputation damaged by a blatantly satirical website.” While that may – allegedly – be true, Meggers has also just given birth, and you ain’t gonna calm down a hormonal woman with language like that. They should’a known!

Is Mandy Caruso the new Megan Fox?

BTW on the whole Megan Fox Nude Scandal – Foxy’s people claim that Celeb Jihad took Megan’s head and pasted onto an anonymous woman’s body in much the way Miley Cyrus and her boyfriend have recently had their heads placed on each others’ bodies. Miley’s rational is that even though it doesn’t really allow them to spend more time together at least it prevents them from spending more time apart. Codependent relationships can be a pain coupled with a burden!

As for Foxy’s recent head swap – my usual fictitious sources tell me that Celeb Jihad took an anonymous woman’s body and pasted Comic Con’s Mandy Caruso’s head on it. Now you can see how Mandy might be mistaken for Megan.

is Mandy Caruso the new Megan Fox?

Shit – Caruso might look more like Megan than Megan does!

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