Damsels in Distress

“Lindsay is absolutely stunned that this is happening to her,” 

WENN
Lindsay & her new attorney Mark Heller

Lindsay Lohan hates her new lawyer Mark Heller, according to Radaronline. Hate is a strong word so let’s say that she is desperate to replace him. So she’s been on the phone to everyone. She’s gone all the way up the food chain to former OJ Simpson dream teamer Robert Shapiro. He repped her a little while back, but isn’t eager to take her on again. Or at least that’s what might be inferred from his secretary’s response of “unavailable“.

Radar claims that Lohan is all day on the phone, when not in court, trying to find a new attorney. No one wants her. For one thing she’s broke. Lawyers can be kinda funny about that.  For another there’s the general impression that she’s too much trouble. No 3 is that she owes her former attorney Shawn Holley about $300 000 in unpaid legal fees. Holley’s kind of well respected in the legal community. So no one wants to take Lindz on knowing that she’s left a colleague with an unpaid 6 digit debt. So that leaves Lindz with Heller, who was once suspended for 5 years for unprofessional conduct. Now remember that Lindz is facing 2 legal battles this time – the Porsche thing where she said her assistant was driving, and the violation on the probation from the alleged jewelry theft. At times like these having a reliable lawyer takes a weight off of your mind. Is the lawyer who got Patty Hearst pardoned still available??


Back to the Beginning- Lara Croft is on the Job!

dangerous damsel Lara Croft returning to comics

If only Lindz could get it together, & land a job, she might turn the corner on her troubles. A lucrative franchise might be just the ticket. Comics are very big at the movies right now, & which comic book heroine has as many thrills, chills, & spills  – not to mention narrow escapes – as Ms. Lohan but Tomb Radar Lara Croft? After all “Lara Croft is an icon across all forms of media, including comic books,” said Karl Stewart, global brand director for TOMB RAIDER and Crystal Dynamics. Maybe that’s why Crystal Dynamics and Dark Horse Comics are bringing her back!

Dark Horse plans to release Tomb Raider: The Beginning which is a Lara Croft origin story, and written by Rhianna Pratchett. This will be the first issue in a new Lara Croft series from DH. It’s a 48 page hard cover that follows Croft’s 1st adventure. “Whilst penning Lara’s origins story for the game I had lots of ideas about the world she and the other characters inhabited, and the story behind their voyage: as great to be able to flesh out the world of TOMB RAIDER and work with the talented team at Dark Horse to bring Lara Croft back to comics,” said Rhianna Pratchett, lead game writer for TOMB RAIDER.
 

Erin Esurance – “How can I still be unemployed? I could rep any company that starts with an ‘E’!”

Now if they could only do something for poor Erin Esurance. You’ll remember that Erin was a popular cartoon pitch woman for an up and coming online car insurance company about 10 – 15 years back. She was a pink haired “special agent” for an insurance company who’s job included more cat suits and gadgets than filing and paper work. Her main job was to fight high insurance premiums, and red tape! So she was a tomb raider for your auto policy. She also inspired some fetishy devotion among her fans. So a lot of Erin amateur art started showing up around the net. It was nothing bad mind you – just your standard bunny ears, ball gags, and but plugs kind of stuff. Rumor is that’s why the whole Erin angle got canned. Insurance porn was just too embarrassing when Allstate took Esurance over.

Full to bursting, like Wonder Woman!

So that left Erin as a cartoon character at loose ends but full to bursting with potential. Wonder Woman can tell yo how that is! Sow hat to do with her? Maybe she could be renamed Erin Endurance and featured in some animated spy girl series? She’d get to wear a cat suit, have plenty of fashionable gadgets, and drive a sporty, tricked out spy-mobile! Then every week she could wriggle out of some trap in time to catch cartoon baddies. It may sound campy but done a little tongue in cheek she could be half Catwoman and half Austin Powers!  Ever since Allstate imprisoned her in that museum of advertising (although according to some reports Allstate has her working at a call center for minimum wage, after stripping her of her spy girl super powers and taking back her gadgets) she’s had worse career luck than Wonder Woman! Let’s face it – those two broads need a break worse than Lindsay!

Vaginal rejuvenation is the best revenge – Cause baby, I’m worth it!

Brandi bent out of shape over Eddie?

Now we come to a celebrity who had another sort of job done. When you’re a femme fatale who lives it to the limit sometimes you need a slight tune up. Other times you need a total retread. That’s what Brandi Glanville claims in Page6.  When her ex Eddie Cibrian left her for his current wife Leann Rimes, Brandi says she felt like her private parts had been ruined. So she treated her self to some ‘vaginal rejuvenation therapy‘ and had Eddie pick up the tab.

A 1 woman pussy riot

Seems that after the bust up Brandi wanted her vagina to be a Cibrian free zone. So she looked up on Dr. Matlock and had him make all the necessary readjustments. Then she handed over one of the ex’s credit cards to pay the bill. Since he’d befouled her previous equipment it seemed only fair he pay for the renovations. It’s just like when a bad tenant moves out and they lose their deposit. Anyway when Eddie got hit with the bill, he hit the roof, cause pussy resuscitation ain’t cheap. Brandi’s walkin’ around town with a $12 000 crack pot now! Eddie can’t complain cause he should know by now that men always pay for the vagie.

Everything you always wanted to know about Brandi but were afraid to ask

BTW you can read about Brandi’s ‘revenge vaginal rejuvenation’ in her upcoming book “Drinking Tweeting & Other Brandi Blunders“. This is the book that not only kisses and tells, it tells ya where!

Hey, good girls only stuff their bras! Bad girls hope it rides up with wear.

Let Wondertrash scratch your dirty gossip itch and you’ll never need rejuvenation!

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Chris & Rihanna – it’s offical

The cat’s out of the bag

Fairy tales do in fact come true

Looks like Chris Brown and Rihanna are officially back on. They’ve been seen around a lot together lately and there’s been some mutual tweeting but in today’s issue of Rolling Stone Rihanna confirms that she and Brown are once again a couple. The singer explains her decision to the magazine as follows “I decided it was more important for me to be happy,” Rihanna told Rolling Stone magazine. “I wasn’t going to let anybody’s opinion get in the way of that. Even if it’s a mistake, it’s my mistake. After being tormented for so many years, being angry and dark, I’d rather just live my truth and take the backlash. I can handle it.”

that was then…

Chris and Rihanna famous split back in 2009 on the very day they were scheduled to perform together at the Academy Awards. That was when Chris got arrested for viciously assaulting his then, and now current, girlfriend. That left pictures of Rihanna’s battered face making the rounds and Chris facing 5 years probation, 1 year community service, and 6 months anger management. He was also subject to a restraining order preventing him from coming within 50 feet of Rihanna. The order got modified back in February into a promise no to  “annoy, molest, or conduct surveillance of the person on the order.

… & this is now?

So what exactly possessed the singer to reunite with her abusive ex? Rihanna explains it thusly  “It’s different now,” she said. “We don’t have those types of arguments anymore. We talk about shit. We value each other. We know exactly what we have now, and we don’t want to lose that.” & furthermore “I can’t say that nothing else will ever go wrong,” she acknowledges, “but I’m pretty solid in the knowing that he’s disgusted by that. And I wouldn’t have gone this far if I ever thought that was a possibility.” Hopefully it works out for them, this time.


Charisma by the numbers

Rihanna says that if this is a mistake then it’s her mistake. Perhaps she needed to take the ‘social temperature. Movie studios are increasingly doing this via mediums like Twitter and Facebook. It’s even got a catchy new name – social casting. The  idea is that studios can get the casting algebra right by monitoring social networks and finding out what people are saying about the stars. This can break down into number of mentions, and whether mentions are positive or negative. The last one has the ominous sounding name of sentiment analytics.

like computer dating for your movie

There are even a bunch of new firms in the buzz biz. Firms like Crimson Hexagon, the social data department at the Cimarron Group, specialize in distilling an actor’s it factor from mentions on social networks. Fizzology has even developed some new software specifically for monitoring entertainment related social network posting. Their CastTyper is “a full-service social sentiment engine that gathers and analyzes data from several platforms, then turns it into custom insight and recommendations for studios“.

In search of a beautiful bikini warrior?

 Is Phoebe Tonkin the Internet’s 1st choice for CW’s Amazon?

A hypothetical example of how this might work out would be as follows. CW announces that they’re gonna do a new series based on Wonder Woman called Amazon. Then they start monitoring all relevant social media like comic message boards, animation blogs, and fan boy forums (do they know about tumblr yet?). They get the list of top mentions for Wonder Woman broken down into positives and negatives. Then they have a pool of ‘most likely’ actresses to choose from. Once the narrow it down they make an announcement regarding a current favorite for the role. Then the sit back and let sentiment analytics sift through the relevant social network responses. If the buzz is good then they have a green light. If not they have to go back to the drawing board. With Wonder Woman casting is absolutely essential. The project rises or falls on the actress playing the lead. You’ve gotta get a warrior dream girl.

Talkin’ Tonkin

 In the case of Amazon Pheobe Tonkin seemed to be getting a lot better buzz than announced Wonder Woman candidate Amy Manson (from my own personal unscientific internet viewing). She was a rumored first choice for the role, and got some positive internet response, but became involved in another project that put her out of the running. Manson’s internet buzz seemed a lot more lukewarm. Now lo and behold the CW Amazon series has got pushed back a year.Of course the lukewarm response might also be due to some of the announcements about Amazon, like the character is gonna be called Iris instead of Diana, and that she’s a guerrilla freedom fighter who comes to America to eat ice cream and get laid. The comic book purists will have a fit. So no nerd cred. Other viewers might find the idea too gimmicky. In other words the CW delays might have as much to do with script as casting.

playing with the percentages

So the upshot is that the trash you talk about celebs on internet message boards, the comment sections of more popular celebrity blogs, and over Twitter and Facebook may actually make a difference in casting.  Especially so when a project in development hasn’t been cast yet. Inquiring minds will still be trying to figure out how good a bet they’re making. That’s when you’re message board posting, tweets, and online polls may actually help influence who plays what.

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Is Megan Fox Giving Up Acting?

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Shaken, Stirred, & on the Rocks

Martini morning after

An update on Jason London.When we last left him he’d been punched out and booked down in Scottsdale Arizona after a misunderstanding at the Martini Bar. It was something about sneezing and another guy’s girl. Official story is that Jason got belligerent and the security staff had to rescue him from a bar room beat down by throwing him out. Jason also allegedly got mouthy with Scottsdale law enforcements officers, whom he thinks are gay. Jason Tweeted “no way” right after. Since then he’s had some time to get his thoughts in order, so he has a little more to say on the matter.

The main point that Jason wants to get through is that he’s the victim. He was the one who got the beat down – or as he puts it “I’m the REAL Victim
THEY BROKE MY FACE!
“. Jace also goes on to admit he doesn’t recall exactly what happened except that some jerk came up and accused him of looking at the guy’s girlfriend. Next thing he’s receiving a brutal medieval pounding from the bar’s bouncers. After that he’s hustled away in handcuffs. He was arrested for disorderly conduct/fighting and assault.

Now according to London and his reps thing might not be exactly as they seem. For instance there are the extent of London’s injuries. Jace wound up with a right orbital fracture in the attack … as well as a sinus fracture, multiple contusions, hematomas, abrasions and a concussion. London’s rep tells TMZ that “Jason’s injuries are consistent with a brutal attack with deliberately and expertly aimed landed shots to the head which, according to eyewitnesses, continued even after he was unconscious.” What he goes on to say next would lead you to believe that some sort of legal mess is brewing, if you hadn’t guessed that much already – “We feel confident that when the time comes between witnesses, police reports and our surveillance footage, that the truth will come out and show that the comments by Mr. London and his people are clearly inaccurate.”

As for the Martini Bar they are standing behind their security staff. It’s good that they’re standing behind them cause you can get seriously messed up standing in front of them.

Soho a go go to LA for court day

Lindsay in Soho with a case of shop till you drop

Speaking of troubled entertainers there’s more bumps in the road for Lindsay Lohan. TMZ is claiming credit for scaring her into her court appearance, if not actually scaring her straight. The story goes that her new attorney Mark Heller told the court Lindsay wouldn’t be able to make her court appearance in LA because she had an upper respiratory infection. The same day lawyer gives the doctor’s note, from Lindsay’s own Park Avenue physician, to the court, Lindsay is spotted out shopping in SOHO, New York. Whether or not it was ‘shop therapy‘ TMZ posted pics and that freaked Lindz out. So she showed.

She showed after a rush back to LA that was not without it’s own misadventures. Lindz and her ever present mother Dina made a bee line back to LA, to do there civic duty of appearing in court, and perhaps to avoid an arrest warrant. Why question motive when it’s a clear win-win? They arrived in Los Angeles about 1 AM. That’s when they hit their snag.

shut out at Shutters

Lindz & Dina showed up at the swanky Shutters on the Beach hotel looking for a room. Trouble is that Lindz had stayed there back in 2007. She got in some trouble over accusations of trashing a room. Shutters must have long memories, or they’ve got a good computer system, because when Dina went to register she found that Lindsay was blackballed from the establishment! They then went up the hill to Loews only to get turned away too! All the while the 8:30 AM court date is getting closer.

Illuminati symbolism?

You’ll be relieved to know that Lindz did make it to court. There’s no point in going into detail since TMZ live-streamed it or something. The highlights are that Lindsay showed up in front of a new judge with a new lawyer – the aforementioned Mr. Heller, and with a new tattoo. The tat is a roughly  looking red triangle with “what dreams may come” written underneath.

faltering flattery

Mr Heller hit it right off with Judge Stephanie Sautner. He made some small talk ab out her days as an NYC detective and told her what a big fan he is. Judge Stepahnie told him to stop flattering her. ‘That was in another life,’ Sautner fired back. ‘Flattery does not get your anywhere in this court.’

She then reminded him that she would not be the judge presiding over Lindsay’s case, since she retires in March. She then went on to tell Lindsay that she was glad to see she’s feeling better. So that went well. It also left Lindsay with a March 18th date for her trial – St Pat’s is her lucky day!

Now just to get you up to speed this recent trial is in regards to her car accident back in June last year on the Pacific Coast Highway. After hitting a truck she claimed that her assistant Gavin Doyle had been driving. The assistant later claimed that Lindz was really behind the wheel. even though she wasn’t supposed to be. Not driving was one of the terms of her employment (she was doing Liz & Dick at the time). So Lindz got charged for lyin’ top the cops. She also has another ongoing case stemming from jewelry theft charges in 2011. Her probation was tossed out on that. So even if she’s found not guilty of theft she could still get caught for probation violation.

Also she’s parted ways with Shawn Holley. Holley’s the one who’s seen Lindsay through so many of her legal troubles. Word has it that she’s desperate to get him back and keeps calling him begging him to reconsider. So far Holley is adamant that he’s not representing her.

So remember to keep checking Wondertrash for more dirty laundry aired almost daily.

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Jeff Zucker shakes up CNN – Leaves Soledad O Brien out on a limb

Big changes at CNN

Jeff Zucker took over NBC’s Entertainment a few years back. When he took over he & colleague Bill Silverman shook things up a bit. He moved Jay Leno up to 10 PM. That didn’t work out too well. Jay was replaced with Conan O Brien. A little while later they had to bring Jay back to the Tonight Show. That left Conan pissed off and tat loose ends  Conan filled up his free time by making liberal use of his new Twitter account. We also saw the last of Must See TV. That was the Thursday nite comedy line up that kept NBC on top since the days of Bill Cosby and on through Cheers, Seinfeld, Friends, etc. Now his time at NBC did coincide with the growth of their cable networks. How ever it also coincided with a ratings slip. So when Comcast took over Zucker had to go, & not by his own choice.

As the former producer of NBC’s Today (from ‘06-’09) Zucker does know something about news. Maybe that’s why CNN has hired him to take over. Sure enough the shake ups are happening already. About 6 people have been fired already. Erick Erickson got the boot. So did Mary Matalin and James Carville. CNN’s managing editor Mark Whitaker has left. James Earl Jones is back as the voice of CNN. The voice of Darth Vader always provided the necessary gravitas so why not bring him back. He’d be too ominous sounding for “you’ve got mail“.

The big new is Soledad O Brien. Apparently rating weren’t so hot while O Brien was anchoring. So she’s being replaced with Chris Cuomo of “Good Morning America” ‘06-’09, and also ABC News’s “20/20. Those were the same years that Zucker was producer at Today. Chris is being set up in a brand new morning show to replace O Brien.s. Plus he’s going to be doing some kind of evening news anchoring spot with Erin Burnett. So Starting Point has hit the finish line.

They’re very enthusiastic about Chris at CNN. “Chris is an accomplished anchor who is already an established name in morning television, as well as a widely respected investigative journalist,” said CNN worldwide prez Zucker. “What I love about Chris is that he is passionate about every story he tells, never forgets about the viewer, and represents the type of journalism that makes CNN great.” It never hurts to have the boss on your side when you’re starting a new gig.

So where does that leave O Brien. Rumour has it that she’s got two options. She can stay on as a special assignments reporter. That way CNN can get some use out of her while waiting for the clock to run out on her contract without allowing her much of a foot hold at the network. Or they can just pay her the remaining $4 million and buy her out. Either option could crap her style as a broadcast journalist. Option 2 leaves her with 4 mill cool cash in pocket and the time to look for new opportunities. In other words she’ll probably take the hint and leave. What’s worse for O Brien is that this comes after her display of public enthusiasm for her new boss. When previously asked how she felt about Zuckers hiring, Brien had said she was glad he’d been brought on broad.

Other CNN personnel changes: Jack Tapper has left his post as ABC’s senior White House correspondent to join CNN. He debuted in the Situation Room only last week. Also joining will be ESPN reporter Rachel Nichols. She’ll be hosting a weekend sports show for them. Zucker said Nichols is “an important step in expanding the range of programming and storytelling on CNN.” AS for O Brien, who knows, maybe there’s a spot at NBC available for her.

Showdown at the Martini Ranch

The thing about bad news is some one always has it worse than you. Take Jason London for instance. He’s on Dead And Confused. Now he didn’t get fired or anything. He did get punched in a bar fight. Jason was allegedly down at the Martini Ranch in Scottsdale Arizona when push came to shove. Some guy apparently walked up to London and sneezed on him. Bouncer asked the guy to apologize. Then London punched the guy in the mouth. A scuffle ensued, and that reuslt ed in London get beatned up and ejected from the bar kicking and screaming. Then the cops got called. So it was one wild nite!

They showed up in the wee hours of the morning, or about 1:42 AM to be exact. They found London in the parking lot punched out and bleeding. Whatever actually happened the cops arrested London for disorderly conduct. That gave London the opportunity to make some homophobic comments. On his way to the police station … Jason uttered a homophobic slur to the cops … saying, “Guess what fa**ot? I f***ing love this. I f***ing own you guys so hard. I’m rich and I’m a motherf***ing famous actor! F***ing look me up, bitch.” Jason continued … “It smells like s**t in your car and your breath smells like diarrhea.” According to the police report, Jason then leaned to the left and crapped in his pants. Jason then said, “I told you I’m happy as s**t.” When you a fuckjng famous actor on fire then why not reach for the gasoline can and douse yourself? It’s been reported that when the cops talked to London’s wife Sophia the following day she said “I know he’s an asshole when he drinks.”.

Naturally London has he side of the story. The actor claims on Twitter that the whole story is a “total f*cking lie.” Might have been more convincing if he’d left the “fucking” out. He might wanna stay of Twitter too – at least until he sobers up. However London goes on “I got jumped by three 250 pound bouncers. They knocked me out and beat me for several minutes.” “I would never say or do the crap they are reporting. Have faith in me. The truth will come out and you will see.” He continues, “Some guy thought I was hitting on his girl and had me jumped. My wife was in the next room, had no idea what even happened. I hate Arizona.” So he’s already got everyone in Arizona on his side. He’s also got the following mugshot to add to the growing celebrity collection – & there are some fucking famous actors in that club!

Jeff London mugshot following Arizona bar brawl

Incidentally Jason is the brother of Jeremy London who has also had issues, legal and otherwise:

Jeremy London kidnapped & forced to get high

Rachel Uchitel having affair with Jeremy London, wife claims

2nd restraining order against ‘7th Heaven’ star Jeremy London

So you’ve got everything in that mix up to and including Rachel Uchitel! Uchitel is the woman Tiger Woods was seeing, along with several others, at about the time his marriage to Elin Nordgren exploded. However it’s important to keep things in proportion – anyone can have a bad day.

PS Sometimes people ask me “How can I get started in the exciting world of entertainment blogging?” Well actually it never comes up but if it did then I’d probably recommend you find some good sources of ingratiation. The following site BallerAlert.com (probably some kind of double entendre) if for women seeking pro athlete boyfriends. They have alerts on where the the players are gonna be. Plus they share the tricks of the trade like how to meet ’em and get them to buy you stuff. There’s also the occasional tidbit of juicy gossip! TheDirty.com is also another interesting little site. They don’t care what they print, and I believe even got sued for printing some thing about that Bengals cheerleader/schoolteacher, Sarah Jones, who got in shit for having sex with one of her students.

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Celebrity Big Bother – Heidi & Spencer are back with a vengeance

What do you do with unwanted celebrities? In the case of Spencer Pratt & Heidi Montag you ship them out of the country, & overseas if possible. The pair recently went over to the UK to do Celebrity Big Brother. That didn’t go over well since the fans found the Montag Pratts to be obnoxious. The pair even began getting death threats on Twitter.

The feeling wasn’t mutual, since the Pratts say the love the UK – except for those boring tiresome Brits they were on the show with –  and just might stay. Oh yeah and they are now being escorted around by armed Marines. The Montag Pratts, like the Simpson on vacation, always provoke a strong reaction where ever they go. Now how would you like to be the marine that pulled the Heidi & Spencer detail? Not exactly what you took your Semper Fi oath for.

So far there has been no Alex Jones type petition to have the Montag Pratts deported from Great Britain. Maybe some sort of ‘hostage exchange’ with Piers Morgan can be worked out. America has a few Kardashians that they might be willing to unload cheap too!  Can we keep Kate Beckinsale though?? We need every super heroine we can get!

Speaking of the Kardashians.

Kim & Kanye aren’t the only ones with an impending happy event. Penelope Cruz’s sister Monica is preggers. Monica is 40 so she recently took matters into her own hands – so to speak, by way of artificial insemination.
 

Jodie Arrias goes up for retrial. Jodie is the girl who is accused of brutally murdering her Mormon boyfriend Travis Alexander in what began a very hi proifle case covered on 48 Hours. After a long and frustrating relationship Arrias drove several hundred miles to have sex with and then kill her former boyfriend. She then drove right back to have a date with her then current boyfriend. She wove and incredible story of a home invasion that she barely escaped with her life.However she could never explain why she did go for help instead of hoping in her car and driving away, to a date. Apparently she was confused or something. When her camera full of incriminating time stamped photos turned up at the crime scene the jig was up.

Now Jodie has a new explanation. She was a battered woman acting in self defense.  Here’s an update on that.


Now here’s that 48 Hours segment.

Would this post be complete with out celebrity wardrobe malfunctions? This one comes from the SAG Awards and involves Jennifer Lawernce.

Now so far Jennifer’s people are denying that this is an official wardrobe malfunction. The story is that the dress ripped so she’s not to blame. I just hope that they finally clear the air on that issue.

BTW CW’s Wonder Woman project Amazon has been pushed back to next year. Amazon was going to be the Smallville version of Wonder Woman. With the success of Arrow it looked like a green light. They even had some actresses picked out too. Phoebe Tonkin was considered by got wrapped up in another project. After that Amy Manson was rumored to have the role. Now it looks like the project has hit a few snags. Surely Adrienne Palicki and Megan Gale can tell you how that is.

Wonder Woman is the most iconic female comic book character, yet so far she hasn’t even been able to score her own animated series (although the 2009 animated movie was widely enjoyed). At this rate it looks like the Weekly World News’ Batboy may get his own series before Wonder Woman, & especially if he can rope Moth-man into working as his sidekick! I hear that her publicist manager has even asked her if she’d be willing to take some supporting roles until she breaking through.You’ve come along way baby!

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The Visual Effetcs Of Iron Man [Full Documentary]


Now here are some links to more videos you might like: