Coming Soon

6 degrees of Brendan Fraser!

Remember Brendan Fraser? He was in George of the Jungle and a bunch of mummy movies with Rachel Wiesz or some one. She’s the broad who married James Bond. As you’ll recall that little pair up made some waves – especially for Craig’s ex girlfriend. She was blindsided or something. Her name is Satsuki Mitchell (Satsuki & Craig were engaged from 2007) and she was not at all pleased by the Craig news. Her father told one Brit tab that family were forbidden to mention Craig name around the house. So I guess James Bond movie nights are out. Not that any of that is Brendan’s fault or anything. Nor can he really be blamed for helping to make the Rock a star by setting him up for the Scorpion King. It’s just that without him none of this might have happened. Speaking of Brendan – here’s a recent pic courtesy of the good people at Fansshare.

He got a lot of things started – what else is up his sleeve?

 Superbowl Superbroad

Peter’s only sayin’ what everyone’s thinkin’ ’cause that’s his job!

Now there’s some kind of big sports game going on today – the Superbowl or something. Sports all look like really. It’s just a bunch of grown men running around chasing a ball, or running from it, or what ever. They go up the field, they go back down the field, then they jump up and down while everyone cheers. Then we get to watch slo-mo replays of a 35 sec segment for the next 5 mins, while commentators pore over it like witchdoctors looking at chicken guts. At least Gisele Bundchen won’t be there to make any little comments this year. This year the ball is in Beyonce’s court!

Beyonce’s way of saying “Hello Tumblr!

This has been Beyonce’s year. She sang at the inaugural, sort of. Then the news broke that she really didn’t sing. The vocals were on a pre recorded track. So it was Beyonce lip-synching her own music. That was some kind of minor scandal for awhile. Were used to singers lip synching by now. However she’s got another shot at things today. Hopefully her routine will be fresh, instead of just out of the can. That’s because this time things are different. The her last performance was only politics, this time it’s the Superbowl! Lip synching the Superbowl would be so disrespectful.

 BTW if you’re one of those conspiracy people who thinks that the Superbowl half time show is full of embedded satanic symbolism, intended to subliminally brainwash an unsuspecting American public into accepting an Illuminati agenda – then you’ll want to head straight over to the Viligant Citizen for their Jay Z articles. Jay Z is Beyonce’s husband, manager, and according to VC, also some kind of a warlock!

Bluff your way in entertainment gossip!

Gossip 101 – Imagine for a moment you’re the CEO of a large company. Your marketing team is about to go ahead with a new product. So you just don’t have time to keep up with your demanding blogging schedule. What do you do?

another stupid idea?

Here’s a helpful hint – if you wanna write some blinds but don’t know anything, or are too damned lazy to look stuff up,  then take a story that’s already breaking or broke a while back, remove the names, change some details, and then use some cryptic descriptions. Stuff like “Which A List singer is drifting away from his young B List singer/actress girlfriend. She used to have her own thing, but these days is known mainly through him. Anyway he’s spending more time away from her, so she’s about to drop him!“You can blend in some shit and speculation to make it good. It’s only a blind item – which means that it could be anything and might be nothing.

the fudge factor

How often does this go on? Why do you think people keep saying “I don’t get the descriptions. What does the writer mean by A List name recognition but B List career?” Those vague descriptions are just a fudge factor (which incidentally would be a great name for a gossip blog – The Fudge Factor! Feel free to use it.). You can get away with this cause like they say in Hollywood there are only about 8 stories & they only get rewritten. With gossip the patterns repeat too!

Remember that unless a gossip blog is written by someone from LA or NYC, working in the service industry, and trying to get even with famous clients for shitty treatment, then it’s not worth reading (unless it’s wondertrash)!

 Halle Berry’s latest debacle

Has Halle decided that men are dispensable?

What’s the saddest & most pathetic film of 2013? Well according to the Daily Mail it’s Movie 43. That’s the title of a flick starring Halle Berry. Berry was a fan favorite at one timer. Then the public seemed to turn on her around the Gabriel Aubry split. The ugly custody battle didn’t help her image much either. You’ll recall that they took to quarreling over daughter Nahla. Soon there were many court visits – more in a month than Lindsay Lohan might make in a year! There were also even more numerous TMZ posts about it. Then there was that vicious smack down where Halle’s current guy Oliver Martinez pounced on Aubry in self defense, and pummeled the 6 ft 2 in fashion model into a bloody disfigured pulp! When the pictures of Aubry’s battered, swollen face made the internet it shocked many. Some felt Martinez must be a violent thug. When Halle started going out accompanied by a full armed escort to protect her from a man who had just had the snot beat out of him, it might have come off as a little melodramatic. Hey she is an actress so what do you expect?

A dream team strike out?

But back to Movie 43. The opinion on this thing is unanimous because no one likes it. It features a series of comedy sketches involving some big names who’ll be eager to live this one down. In addition to Halle the roster also boasts Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Emma Stone, Uma Thurman, Liev Schreiber, Naomi Watts, Gerard Butler, Johnny Knoxville and Josh Duhamel. Spoiler alert Gerry Butler plays a leprechaun with a terrible accent and Hugh Jackman has testicles on his ears or something. Whether or not it’s a reference to Frankenstein with his nuts on his neck, it must make it tough for him to pick up Kate Winslet.

Not good enough to be bad-tastic?

Unfortunately the movie isn’t very funny. According to reviews it’s a bunch of off colour sex jokes that would make high school students role their eyes. It’s the kind of thing that Siskel & Ebert would’ve had a field day with back in the 80’s. Or as one reviewer put it  – “It’s the Citizen Kane of awful“. The Mail class it a clumsily assembled collection of the world’s least funny sketches, & based on the most tasteless ideas that anyone could dream up! Don’t take my word for it though – head over to the Mail & see for yourself.

Coming Soon

Looks like funnyman Adam Sandler is considering the advantages of a really good sequel. Rumor is that Sandler is thinking about bringing back his popular Big Daddy character. Big Daddy was the flick where Sandler has tyo raise a child. He teaches him important things like how to swear and piss up against a wall. He also drank plenty of beer.

There are only 8 stories, but sequels make it 9!

The new film reunites Sandler’s Big Daddy with his former foster son who is now returning from Harvard. The kid comes back with a brand new Hilary Clinton type girlfriend – liberal, opinionated, etc. So naturally she finds Sandler completely offensive. He doesn’t care too much for her either. So he once again takes Julian under his wing and shows him a thing or two – this time how to find a really good girlfriend: down to earth, fun, low maintenance, and with ‘attitude’ instead of ‘an attitude’. Word has it that Sandler is already reviewing a script, although it maybe that old draft of Saving Silverman he keeps beside the toilet for difficult days. Also a working title of “Help My Son Is  Nerd” is being tossed around. I’m laughing already!

BTW prequels make it 9 1/2.

Remember to keep checking the Trash, your low maintenance gossip blog with nothing but attitude!

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