Brit writer slams Middleton

Kate Middleton is young, pretty, personable, fashionable, a duchess, practically a princess, and will one day be queen presumably. Whether or not that’s a winning combination it is a dainty dish to set before a king. However not everyone is impressed. People like Hilary Mantel.

Hilary Mantel is a writer & two time winner of the Man Booker Prize. She won those (the 1st woman to do so)  for her fictionalized portrayals of Henry 8th’s court. So that makes her if not an expert than at least some kind of authority on royalty, history, royal women,  writing books, and or making memorable press statements. She’s recently demonstrated her acumen in the last with some remarks about the aforementioned Kate Middleton.

Do the clothes make the woman?

According to Hilary Kate is a glorified coat hanger. Well that might be a bit harsh but Mantel has compared Middleton to a department store mannequin. What that means is that Kate is defined by her hair styles and clothes rather than by who she is and what she does. Personality is either secondary or a liability whose free expression must be repressed. At least that’s the gist of an answer she gave in response to the question “pick and famous person and then choose a book you’d like to give them“. Mantel picked out Duchess Kate, and then picked “Queen of Fashion: What Marie Antoinette Wore to the Revolution.” Now apart from the fact that the book sounds as big and exciting as a phone book, it’s also a kind of back handed commentary. Marie Antoinette was the “let them eat cake” Queen whose extravagances helped bring down the french monarchy! For instance when Antoinette & her husband were fleeing the French capitol the queen had several trunks of fashionable clothes sent along ahead of her, and took her hairdresser along for the ride. Kitchens sinks as we know them had not yet been invented.

Not that Mantel is a big critic of Antoinette. Antoinette is one of histories notorious strong women. So female historians are gonna be shy about put downs, even if the object of them ain’t Queen Boudicca. According to Mantel Marie Antoinette just couldn’t win. If she wore nice clothes then she was an extravagant bitch, but if she dressed simply then she was ruining the French fabric industry. So like most larger than life women who were too big for their day, she was in a damned if you do damned if you don’t double bind!

Mantel doesn’t let Kate Middleton off as easy though. For instance she says

“It’s not that I think we’re heading for a revolution. It’s rather that I saw Kate becoming a jointed doll on which certain rags are hung. In those days she was a shop-window mannequin, with no personality of her own, entirely defined by what she wore. These days she is a mother-to-be, and draped in another set of threadbare attributions. Once she gets over being sick, the press will find that she is radiant. They will find that this young woman’s life until now was nothing, her only point and purpose being to give birth.” 

So and in other words Kate is what everyone previously accuse Tom Cruise’s ex Katie Holmes of being –  a brainwashed bride bot trained to play a hi profile but insignificant public role. Her life is defined by pretty dresses & expensive jewelry in a hair spray fairy tale. However maybe it’s the whole institution of monarchy that’s to blame. It’s out of date so it’s role are stereotypical and irrelevant. It’s obsolete &  a limiting box to live in. Or as Mantel says

“Is monarchy a suitable institution for a grown-up nation? I don’t know. I have described how my own sympathies were activated and my simple ideas altered. The debate is not high on our agenda. We are happy to allow monarchy to be an entertainment, in the same way that we license strip joints and lap-dancing clubs…cheerful curiosity can easily become cruelty. It can easily become fatal. We don’t cut off the heads of royal ladies these days, but we do sacrifice them, and we did memorably drive one to destruction a scant generation ago. History makes fools of us, makes puppets of us, often enough.”

We are happy to allow the monarchy” sounds positively regal! So that’s a great joke if her tongue is in her cheek. Not everyone appreciates her comments.  They have attracted the attention of no less a personage than UK PM David Cameron. Cameron has called the comments extremely cuntycompletely misguided“, and went on to say that “What I’ve seen of Princess Kate at public events, at the Olympics and elsewhere is this is someone who’s bright, who’s engaging, who’s a fantastic ambassador for Britain.The Daily Mail backed Cameron up by calling the comments extremely cunty  “an astonishing and venomous attack on the Duchess of Cambridge.

So what are we to make of Mantel’s strong language? Slamming the Royals is more than one of the few ways to mildly shock contemporary Brits (“If my grandmother had heard anyone talk like that about the Royal Family! Makes me thankful she didn’t survive the 1970’s!”). It’s also a short cut to making a political point. That’s what made them a popular target since the days of Malcolm Muggeridge on the BBC. That’s why commentators like Mantel express their indifference int he strong possible terms, and pointedly compatriot them to entertainment diversion like lap dancing and strip teasing.

Now Mantel might have some kind of point when she says that Monarchy is an out dated patriarchal  institution. However why pick on Kate? Those criticism could be made about almost may successful young woman in today’s society – from Katy Perry to say Rihanna, not to mention Megan Fox. If you’re gonna get upset about women being reduced to eye candy, or having their social status determined by the men they’re connected to then you’d have to get upset with everyone up to and possibly including Hilary Clinton! Believe it or not even the most empowered of women can be judged on hair, make up, and even clothes. Poor Wonder Woman hasn’t gotten a break on her hot pants and bustiere for 70 years. So if she can’t please everyone, how can Duchess Kate?

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Wonder Woman not the only one quitting movies

40 year old Gwyneth Paltrow has lost her passion

Now don’t panic because it’s not as bad as it sounds. Gwyneth Paltrow has become bored with acting. She won’t be giving up acting. She will just be pursuing her career with a decided lack of enthusiasm from now on. Gwyn recently announced through USMagazine that she was toning down he whole Hollywood actress routine. From now on she plans to do no more than one or maybe two movies a year, and those will be supporting roles. That was the same interview where she said she’d become bored by acting. So what’s she gonna do for an encore?

“Domestic” terrorism – Gwyneth Paltrow quits films to make a killing!

Well Gwyneth has plans, goals, and role models. For one thing Paltrow says that she admires people like Jessica Simpson, and the business empire that Simpson has created. “She admires Jessica’s empire,” the source says of the Academy Award winner, 40. “She wants to make a killing.” She’s already got a platform to work with too in the form of GOOP. GOOP is the lifestyle and marketing website that Paltrow runs in association with fitness trainer Tracy Anderson.

Giving guidance to the guides

 I believe that Anderson is the woman who used to work with Madonna several years ago. When they started their working relationship people wondered how that was gonna work out. Both have strong personalities. Then Trace gave an interview in which she described Madonna as very cooperative, and like a lamb. Trace was gone shortly after that. Now she has resurfaced and is working with Gwyneth Paltrow.  Perhaps Paltrow is less demanding?

Gwyneth finishing in 33 Dias, next month

Anyway after Paltrow finishes up 33 Dias next month, she plans to move into the next phase of her life. She’ll wind down the movie roles. Then she’ll throw her energy into GOOP full time. So you can look for as much lifestyle guidance as you can handle, and that includes everything you didn’t wanna ask about because you were afraid to know!

Southpark keeps it fresh

BTW in addition to the news about full time GOOP there’s more news from the entertainment world. Southpark fans will be glad to hear that the show’s creators haven’t gotten bored with the series, and in fact are holed up and hard at work on the subsequent season. Sources say that the shows team of crack writers are currently brainstorming in the writers’ pit. They’ve got a gram of weed, TV to pull in the best of the rest of the daytime schedule, & internet connection to pick up the highlights of Jon Stewart & Stephen  Colbert on youtube; although the restroom situation hasn’t been resolved yet (that was caused by a previous team of writers!). So the ingredients for the magic recipe are ready! The team are already cracking out bang up material like such as

School Bully: What’s the matter with you Cartman? Maybe you need to be on new anti depressants?

Cartman: My pills are fine, OK?

Now if that sounds good then just imagine what they’ll be churning out after the pizzas arrive. It’s ordered on the boss’s credit card, and there’s still something misunderstanding with the local pizza deliveries over the account. Of course that concerns a previous team of writers!

Wondertrash only uses previous writers, and our material is 100 per cent recycled. So Wondertrash is the source that won’t quit on you, probably. Wondertrash has been passionless for awhile now!

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