Lindsay Lohan is due in ‘lock down therapy’ on May 2nd. The rehab is part of her court mandated sentence, along with community service. That unhappy period is set to last about 90 days. So how is Lindz spending her last days of freedom? She’s hangin’ out with Kristen Stewart.

“They met through one of Lindsay’s friends who also knows Kristen,” the Post quotes a source as saying. “Lindsay was invited up to Kristen’s house last week, and they hung out with Robert Pattinson who was back from filming in Australia. Lindsay and Kristen discussed their careers, creative ideas and how they deal with living under the focus of the media and the paparazzi.”

No one is quit sure what brought Lindsay and Kristen together. Apart from some mutual friends the girls also share some negative publicity experiences. So they have that to bond over. However Lindsay has acquired a few high profile supporters over the years. In addition to Kristen Stewart and Charlie Sheen, Lindz has made the acquaintance of Lady Gaga, James Franco and The Wanted’s Max George.

Troubled young women stick together. Unless you’re Amanda Bynes, in which case people start keeping a safe distance. That’s because Bynes can get a little kooky. She got kicked out of her fitness club for acting like she was having a mental breakdown, there have been some legal issues, and she’s started making annoying tweets. So the signs are there.

Like recently Bynes tweeted that she wanted Drake to “murder my vagina“. Now no one can blame a young woman for having interest in sex. It’s just that in her case Amanda took it a little over the top. Now she’s added to her growing list of notable tweets with the following words of sage advice. Never mind that old “be true to your self” stuff that they tell kids. Amanda’s gives it to you straight – feel good guidance for the self esteem challenged.

Now that’s the kind of practical advice you can really use, and the kind guidance counselors don’t give you!

Justin Bieber’s mom claims that he’s completely out of control. Justin has had some high profiles problems of late like being accused of being a pot head –  and not to mention his “altercations“; once with a paparazzi in Brit, and another recently with a  neighbor whom the Bieb allegedly spat on. So what does mom think about this. Bieber’s mom admits that she doesn’t have any control over her son anymore. For one thing he’s 19 so the apron strings have no legal hold, unless she can get a conservator ship or something.

So what can she do? Well she admits that she prays a lot. She also tries to impart some guidance. Beyond that there’s nothing she can do. Interventions seemed to go out of style. Like reality TV they’re a bit too last decade.

BTW an update on the Justin Bieber spitting incident. The alleged incident occurred in Bieber’s very exclusive gated community. Gated communities are where the rich hole up in high end bunkers, while security guards keep the rabble at bay and out beyond the electrified walls (It’s reverse prison). So this ain’t Sunnyvale Trailer Park, or the kind of place where you can casually stroll up to a resident and tell them to fuck off while you’re suckin’ on a blunt. This is an exclusive area and some of the Bieb’s neighbors are pretty high up the food chain. Folks like Jeff Schwartz for instance.

Schwartz has been described as an automobile mogul. At least that’s how TMZ describes him. He’s also a resident of Bieb’s gated compound community. More to the point he’s also the guy accusing Bieber of spitting on him and threatening him. Needless to say Schwartz ain’t too pleased with Biber’s youthful hi jinx. The battery charges speak to that. Schwartz’s wife Suzie is pissed off too, and she’s speaking for herself.

Suzie says that Bieber ain’t nothin’ but a punk. In fact he’s the worst kind of little punk – one with a feeling of invincibility! Invincibility is even worse than a sense of entitlement. Invincibility is the same thing that got into Adolph Hitler before he invaded Poland and set off World War 2. Current consensus is that it’s also what got into Oscar Pistorious when got tired of being an inspiration to millions & shot his lovely girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp. When being booked into a Pretoria, South Africa police station Pistorius was told that he was going away for a long time, and allegedly replied “I’ll survive. I always win.” Pistorius’ family denies that he ever said that. The point being that feelings of invincibility are a huge character flaw and need attention when ever they’re found, even if they’re found in members of the Justice League of America!

Lest this get blown out of proportion this invincibility stuff is merely Suzie Schwartz’s opinion. Or to put it in her own words – “He’s a punk.  He thinks he’s invincible.  He can’t continue to have a bunch of enablers around him.”  FYI, there are reports Jeff said this, but it was Suzie. Suzie also tells TMZ, “Spitting on someone is unacceptable.  He can’t do this to people.

Now Suzie may not be holding a small loud dog while shaking a fist and chasing neighbor hood children off of her lawn. Then again she might be. Who can say whether or not she’s a stick in the mud who can’t cope with youthful high spirits?  If you stop and imagine your won husband or wife being spat upon by a celebrity, you can see how the shame and humiliation involved might get you to blow things out of proportion. One group who are taking the ongoing Justin Bieber Meltdown Crisis seriously are the good people over at TMZ. Keep checking in with them and follow the latest developments in the Bieber saga, like such as

Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger exclusive retirement photo

Annoying neighbors, swearing at the dog, and making crank complaints to TV networks – ex pontiff likes to keep busy!

It’s been a world wind couple of months for Joseph Ratzinger. Just a short time ago he was Pope Benedict the 16th – the most powerful Roman Catholic next to God Himself. Now he’s been stripped of his super powers, much like Superman in his krypton chamber – in which he had to get depowered before marrying Lois Lane and getting deflowered – you remember the old Chris Reeve flick.

Now Joseph Ratzinger is a mere retired cardinal and resident of Vatican City. So how is the ex pope settling into the quite life? Well if the pic below is any indication he’s as happy as a clam. Just have a peep at the ex pope yourself!

Cardinal Ratzinger keeps company with current best friend Fido. The corgi was a gift from Queen Elizabeth 2.

He tosses the Frisbee with the same little hand flourish that he used to bless the crowd at St. Peter’s with, but he also swears at the dog in German. The Italians are already complaining about the sound of his dog barking and loud German swearing. However what can they do?

On a more disturbing note the ex pontiff is also said to be watching a frightening amount of daytime TV. Insiders say that The View is one of Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger’s favorites. The rumor is that Elizabeth Hasselbeck, who was finally slated to get the ax, was renewed through Cardinal Ratzinger’s  personal intercession. It’s not that he really has that level of influence anymore, but Babs Walters is angling for an exclusive interview, so she humored him by keeping Liz on (for one more year anyway).

So between the swearing, throwing stuff,  and meddling in daytime TV, there’s bound to be a little adjustment period. It’s worked out good for Hasselbeck though ’cause I hear that Angie Harmon as good as had her ass in that seat.

Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

Justin Bieber Spits on Neighbor – Battery Charges Filed!

whipper snapper allegedly runs amok

Justin Bieber is developing one hell of an attitude these days, or a case of Tourette’s Syndrome, and it’s lead to battery charges getting filed against it. It all happened innocently enough when the Biebs was tearing around his neighborhood in one of his souped up vehicles. The neighbor, who has small children, got a little nervous with all the extra vehicular activity. So told Bieber to cool it. That’s when he got into a ‘spat’.

It’s slobberin’ time

Remember to add “allegedly” after every third word in the following and we can begin. Bieb then went barking mad and  let loose with a stream of fucks, and then told the man he would kill him, or words to that effect. Then, to emphasize the point, Denis the Menace let Mr. Wilson have it right in the face with a big wad of spit. We’re not sure exactly what the man took offense to, whether the spitting, the swearing or the spitting – but the guy wound up pressing assault and battery charges against Justy.

Sometimes life is like a long walk on a short pier, but at the rate this kid is burning his bridges he’ll soon run out of runway. Now you know what comes of raising young-ins with out liberal doses of corporal punishment!


Hollywood Who Done Its

There are many mysteries in the Land of Dreams. Here now are some theories about a few of the more famous ones.

Marylin Monroe was a Hollywood Powergirl

Late President John  F Kennedy was a man that became a myth. For years people looked on him like Arthur reigning over Camelot. The myth was so powerful that his detractors could do little against it. Oddly it was the rumor and gossip around him that did more to tarnish the Kennedy mystique more than anything else. For one thing Kennedy liked beautiful young women, and spent much of his time pursuing them. One of his most famous conquests was Marilyin Monroe. When Monroe sang happy birthday to the President at his gala celebration no one suspected that there was more to the story than a song and a dance. The story of their love affair would have to wait a whole to come out, and when it did it brought some conspiracy theories with it. Those conspiracy theories would cast the actress’s tragic death in a new light.

Monroe died of an overdose in an apparent suicide. According to the rumor mill Kennedy family operatives like Peter Lawford were quick to arrive on the scene and take charge. Some even say that Bobby Kennedy himself showed up to scour the place for any incriminating connections to either his brother or himself (they were both sleeping with Marylin).

Details of Marilyn’s autopsy further raised suspicions. Some said there weren’t enough drugs found in her stomach. Some said there were signs that she’d received the drugs by enema and so must’ve already been unconscious when she was given them. That suggested foul play (to anyone except a resident of Hollywood where drugs and enemas might be part of an evenings entertainment).

When the autopsy irregularities were put together with the Presidential connection everyone assumed that the Kennedy’s had her bumped off. The theory goes that Jack blabbed important state secrets to Marilyn. Seymour Hircsh in his excellent The Dark Side of Camelot writes that Jack did from time to time hide girls in the closet whole meeting with Bobby and other government officials. It was a fun came plus left the girls conveniently located when hew as ready to get back to them. You don’t get to be a Kennedy without learning how to cover the angles.

Marilyn was well known to be mentally unstable. Her mother was a schizophrenic who died in a mental hospital. Marilyn had ongoing professional relationships with shrinks and analysts through her adult life. She also took a lot of pills. So the theory goes that when Marylin started getting demanding, and possibly making threats, Jack started to worry about all that stuff he might have told her and then did what Kennedy’s do – play for keeps. However there is another more reasonable theory.

Marilyn was a prescription pills frequent flyer. She was dependent on sleeping pills for one thing. Sleeping pills came in handy for other reasons too. People who knew marlin claims that she had this “game” that she’d play in relationships. When ever things weren’t working out she’d down about 12 sleeping pills. Marylin had a tolerance so they weren’t enough to kill her but just enough to make her seriously drowsy. Then she’d phone her current boyfriend and tell him she was committing suicide, perhaps over him. He would of course rush to the rescue in time to call the ambulance. Since Munroe was a canny girl she knew what she was doing, and was in no danger; but she would have emotional blackmail leverage of the guy for awhile.

About 2 weeks or so before her death her sleeping pill prescription was changed. Now the thing about pills is that you can develop a tolerance to them fast, but only to the specific pills that you’ve been taking. Switch prescriptions to something with a different chemical make up and you have no immunity. So some speculate that Marilyn played the same trick at the time of her death. She took her usual dozen pills and prepared to swing into action. Only problem was that she’d miscalculated. Since this was a new prescription and she hadn’t developed drug resistance, they hit her hard and fast. Instead of getting good and groggy she died of an overdose. The fact that she was found with the telephone in her hand seems to confirm this theory.

Something similar was believed to have happened to Heath Ledger. Ledger seemed to be suffering from an anxiety disorder. He complained about his “racing mind”. He had terrible trouble sleeping. He was often awake early in the morning and seen jogging through his NYC neighborhood. On his way home he’d stop off at the park for several games of chess. Though he was a good player he might not have been a devotee of the game. Rather it may have been an attempt to keep his restless mind occupied.

By his own admission he could take an Ambien, sleep for 2 1/2 hours, and then wake up as restless as ever. Rumours were that he was ‘double doctoring’, that is getting multiple prescriptions from different doctors. As in the case of Marylin Munroe, Ledger’s prescription was changed shortly before his death. So according to some conjecture on the day of his death he’d gone for a massage to unwind. Then popped some pills. Assume he was resistant he may have swallowed them like Ambien. Since these were new pills they may have hit him harder than he expected.

Not all Hollywood mysteries involve drugs. In the case of George Superman Reeve it involves a gun. George was a big personable and attractive man. So he had no trouble making friends. When he was found dead in his bedroom of a gun shot wound to the head some started wondering which one of his friends might have wanted him dead. George had a lot of girlfriends. At the time of his death he’d just broken off a relationship with a studio exce’s wife. So the theory goes that some one had snuck in and killed him.

Part of that stems from the fact that the bullet casing were found in odd places. George would’ve had to have held the gun in some weird unhand position of have fired it. So inquiring minds speculate, might not some one else have been holding the gun, perhaps standing behind Reeve, and killed him? There is another theory.

Reeve was shot with a  German WW2 Luger that he kept. Friends say that from time to time he would like to shock his friends by pulling it out, pointing it to his head, and exclaiming “I can’t take it anymore“. Then he’d pull the trigger. Since the gun wasn’t loaded nothing would happen except for the loud click the firing pin would make in the empty chamber. George would then laugh uproariously at his shocked spectators.

So some people think that George may have pulled this same stunt at his death. Only this time the gun went off. There was no foul play but only a stunt gone wrong. However there is a variation on this theory. According tot his some one who wanted to get rid of George, and who’d seen him play this prank found out where he kept the gun. Gaining access to his bedroom they then loaded the gun with one live round in the chamber. Eventually George would pull the stunt again only this time with fatal results. Since there was no way to tie the person responsible to Reeve’s death they’d get away with murder. However no one really knows (that we know of).

Hollywood movie stars seem larger than life. Their high flying careers defy gravity and other laws of nature. Like Icarus in the myth this sometimes leads to tragedy. It also creates the stories that get woven into the fabric of Hollywood mythology. Like any mythology it has it’s share of cautionary tales. In this case the moral of the story might be “don’t play dead unless you mean it



Ashton Kutcher’s beautiful mind

Ashton Kutcher is ‘pretty smart’ & looks on the ‘bright’ side

Ashton Kutcher is more than just a pretty face. To hear him tell it he never ever gets credit for his mind.Part of the reason is because he played a cute but dim witted hunk on That 70’s Show. At least that’s the Kutch’s explanation. Or as he told the good people over @ Elle magazine, where he recently was interviewed – “People fill in the blanks really fast. They go, ‘Oh my God, he’s on a show and [plays] stupid, so he must be stupid,'” he says about his image. “I can’t control that, nor do I try to, nor do I want to.

Indeed why should he when there are so many advantages to playing dumb.First and foremost perhaps is the advantage of having people think that you really are dumb. Let the Kutch explain – “There’s something advantageous about having people underestimate your intellect, insomuch as a lot of things are revealed to you,” he explains. “They assume you don’t know what you’re talking about, then all of a sudden, you do. And the next thing you know, you have information you wouldn’t normally have.

Now let me put the above in layman’s terms. You remember that old show Colombo, where the detective acted addled and confused? Then after he’d got on the suspect’s last nerve and was pretending to leave he’d suddenly turn around – insofar as they weren’t expecting that! – and ask them a sharp question that they weren’t prepared for? It was usually one of those “One more thing” type questions. Then Colombo’s advantageously underestimated intellect got information that normally would’ve stayed withheld. Well that’s just the way the Kutch – is be warned if you’re inviting him over for any dinner parties, unless you have a mystery that you want solved. BTW the Kutch is currently playing Steve Jobs, hence the Elle interview.

Now that might have come off as disillusioning for some of you but look on the bright side – at least he didn’t also admit to not being Batman, and Donna consequently not being Wonder Woman! So until anyone tells me otherwise I’ll continue to believe it, no matter how many blanks I have to fill in.

Sneak peek at new Justice League cast picture finally revealed

For the record Kutcher is no dumb punk. He was a biochemical engineering major at university of Iowa before dropping out to pursue modelling. After winning a Fresh Faces of Iowa (& does Iowa have any other kind of faces?), he moved on to New York. In NYC he competed in the International Modelling and Talent Association competition, where he placed second to Josh Duhamel (back in 1998).

John Mayer announces Born and Raised tour dates

John Mayer is gearing up for another tour. That had originally been planned for 2012 but health issues got in the way. In this case the health issue was a granuloma. Now before you jump to any conclusions and think John  got on one of those high fiber diets – maybe picked up from Gwyneth Paltrow or somebody, let me set you straight. Granola is a natural fiber food that used to be popular among health nuts before they went on to discover newer, trendier fibers. Personal growth is an on going journey of discovery. Granuloma is a small growth that develops on the vocals chords. The 1st is good news if you’re constipated, but the second is bad news of you’re a singer.

In this case the granuloma lead to a brief hiatus, as Ashton Kutcher might call it. The rest of us would say that he took a break. John says – “granuloma forms and continues to snowball because it’s in a spot where the vocal cords hit together and there’s no way to really give it a chance to heal without a good stretch of time and some pretty intensive treatment. I spent so long being terrorized, I had all but shut down the fantasy of playing music again — just so I could, you know, survive.

The good news is that John bounced back and is now once again confident enough to continue with his career. Not only is the tour officially a go but the tour dates have been announced. 

John Mayer Born and Raised tour

April 25 — Tuscaloosa, AL (Tuscaloosa Amphitheater)
April 26 — New Orleans, LA (JazzFest)
July 6 — Milwaukee, WI (Summerfest- Marcus Amphitheater)
July 7 — Maryland Heights/St. Louis, MO (Verizon Wireless Amphitheater)
July 9 — Cincinnati, OH (Riverbend Music Center)
July 10 — Bonner Springs, KS (Cricket Wireless Amphitheater)
July 12 — Woodlands, TX (The Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion)
July 13 — Dallas, TX (Gexa Energy Pavilion)
July 16 — Morrison, CO (Red Rocks Amphitheatre)
July 19 — Ridgefield, WA (Sleep Country Amphitheater)
July 20 — George, WA (The Gorge)
July 22 — Paso Robles, CA (California Mid State Fair)
July 24 — Wheatland, CA (Sleep Train Amphitheatre at Sacramento)
July 26 — Mountain View, CA (Shoreline Amphitheatre)
July 27 — Irvine, CA (Verizon Wireless Amphitheater Irvine)
Aug. 6 — Cuyahoga Falls, OH (Blossom Music Center)
Aug. 7 — Clarkston, MI (DTE Energy Music Theatre)
Aug. 9 — Tinley Park, IL (First Midwest Bank Amphitheatre)
Aug. 10 — Noblesville, IN (Klipsch Music Center)
Aug. 11 — Springfield, IL (Illinois State Fair)
Aug. 13 — Darien, NY (Darien Lake Performing Arts Center)
Aug. 14 — Toronto, ON (Molson Canadian Amphitheatre)
Aug. 16 — Hartford, CT (Comcast Theatre)
Aug. 17 — Mansfield, MA (Comcast Center)
Aug. 20 — Bethel, NY (Bethel Woods Center for the Arts)
Aug. 21 — Holmdel, NJ (PNC Bank Arts Center)
Aug. 23 — Camden, NJ (Susquehanna Bank Center)
Aug. 24 — Virginia Beach, VA (Farm Bureau Live at Virginia Beach)
Aug. 25 — Burgettstown, PA (First Niagara Pavilion)
Aug. 27 — Allentown, PA (The Great Allentown Fair)
Aug. 28 — Wantagh, NY (Nikon at Jones Beach Theater)
Aug. 30 — Saratoga Springs, NY (Saratoga Performing Arts Center)
Aug. 31 — Bristow, VA (Jiffy Lube Live)
Sept. 1 — Atlantic City, NJ (Borgata Resort Spa and Casino Event Center)
Sept. 4 — Charlotte, NC (Verizon Wireless Amphitheater Charlotte)
Sept. 5 — Raleigh, NC (Time Warner Cable Music Pavilion at Walnut Creek)
Sept. 7 — Tampa, FL (Live Nation Amphitheater at the Florida State Fairgrounds)
Sept. 8 — West Palm Beach, FL (Cruzan Amphitheatre)
Sept. 17 — Buenos Aires, Argentina (Luna Park)
Sept. 21 — Rio De Janeiro, Brazil (Rock in Rio)
Sept. 27 — Atlanta, GA (Aaron’s Amphitheatre at Lakewood)
Oct. 1 — Albuquerque, NM (Isleta Amphitheater)
Oct. 2 — Phoenix, AZ (Desert Sky Pavilion)
Oct. 4 — San Diego, CA (Sleep Train Amphitheatre)
Oct. 5 — Los Angeles, CA (Hollywood Bowl)

Amanda Bynes is the scene of the crime

Now for our wondertrash celebrity tweet of the day. No for those of you who follow celeb gossip you know that celebs love twitter. For those of you who follow twitter you know that sometimes stuff gets posted that really shouldn’t have been. Now when you put together celebrities and twitter things can get outrageous. Outrageous is where Amanda Bynes comes in. Amanda took to the tweet lately to reveal that she’s got murder in her heart. Well maybe it’s a little lower below the belt. Here’s Amanda’s tweet so you can judge for yourselves.

So our moral for today might be that discretion is the better part of candor!


Entertainment Letdowns

private dancers

There’s more to the Bolshoi Ballet then pirouette’s tutus. and grim competitions to establish excellence. The ballet, like every other form of entertainment, has it’s dark side. Ballet’s dark side is high end prostitution. At least according to former Bolshoi ballerina Anastasia Volochkova is does.

backing the Bolshoi to the hilt

According to Voolchkova part of the problem comes from he fact that the Ballet has individual sponsors. Some of them are rich Russian types who expect a little extra with their donations in support of the arts. So good looking young ballerinas like Anastasia are encouraged to get friendly with some of the more enthusiastic sponsors. Now get friendly can including anything by running the gamut from hanging out and having drinks at parties, to drop you tutu and bend over for a ream job. When you get that frenziedly friendly then you can have some problems flitting delicately across the stage for a few nights!

membership has it privileges, but it’s gonna cost you

Everyone goes along with the arrangement because there is an unwritten rule about patrons getting special privileges with the dancers. If you don’t go along with the program then you can get demoted and even fired from the world famous ballet company. Membership in the Boshoi is something many of those dancers have trained and prepared for over most of their young lives. However Anastasia was brave enough to buck the system. When she stopped sleeping with a billionaire who was also a major Bolshoi backer, Volochkova says she was canned.

professional entertainment disillusionment

Ballet can join the world of pro sports in entertainment disillusionment. Once upon a time pro athletes were looked upon as minor gods who could do no wrong. That’s because people took inspiration from their achievements. Few were as inspiring as Lance Armstrong. Lance became the 1st American ever to win the Tour De France. Then he overcame the personal tragedy of cancer to win the Tour several more times. Before he hung up the bike he’d bagged about 7 TdF yellow championship jerseys.

When Lance was likable

With that level of achievement comes criticism. Some folks said that Lance’s performance was too good to be true. They believed – often loudly – that Armstrong was winning with more than training and determination. They speculated that Armstrong was juicin’, or taking steroids. Lance always flatly denied the accusation, then went off and did something more important like support cancer survivors through his Livestrong organization. That showed a lot of class, so people wanted to believe him. He had credibility.

catching up on the bromance

Some of the people who wanted to believe in Lance were famous themselves, like actor Matthew McConaughey.  Matt & Lance used to hang out quite a bit together, back in the days of their bromance. They were often seen out jogging together around the Austin, Texas area, when Lance wasn’t antagonizing fellow Texan Alex Jones (Lance has described Jones as a kook, or something, which Alex hasn’t not forgotten and refers to on air when the subject of Armstrong comes up). So the two were pretty good buddies for awhile.

That son of a bitch is no liar – he just tells lies

Matt says that he was blindsided when Armstrong made his cheating admission. However he’s put it in perspective. “He told a lie, he’s not a liarWhen it came out, I took it personally, but then I realized it ain’t personal to him,” he told Details magazine. “I was going, ‘That son of a bitch!’ but then I thought, ‘Well, what was he supposed to do? Call me to the side and go, Hey, I did this?‘” Matt goes on  “…I’m happy for him now, because despite all this outside conflict, he doesn’t have this inner conflict anymore.”

So remember to keep reading Wondertrash. When professional celebrities disappoint you, it’s the blog that helps by putting things in a humorous context.


Journey’s Neal Schonn sues ex mother in law over blog comments

feuding over funding

When former Journey guitarist Neal Schonn decided to get serious with reality TV star Michaele Salahi it made his former mother in law Judy Kozan angry. So she took to her blog and accused him of being a dead beat who left his ex wife Amber penniless, and their two starving daughters sleeping in the family car. All this just so he could slap a million dollar engagement ring on the finger of his little reality TV tramp. Naturally that got picked up by the tabs because it was such a good story. It had all the right elements – a rock star, a reality TV performer, an angry mother in law & blogs! It was only short a Kardashian sister.  If only she’d done a YouTube video rant then it might have gone viral – better luck next time Judy. As it is she had to settle for getting picked up by the Daily Mail. They liked it well enough to repost it with all kinds of commentary about how she was feuding with Neal over his new girl friend. Only trouble is that Judy says it never happened – or not like that anyway.

she says she said that it’s only hypothetical – except for the money

Judy now says that she never ever mentioned Neal Schonn & her daughter Amber in her now infamous blog rant. She was talking about an anonymous woman with a perhaps hypothetical ex and possibly some make believe children. She didn’t say that Neal was driving her daughter out of her home and into the family car. In fact she admits that Neal Schonn pays his alimony and child support “religiously” – her word.

 just sayin’

She was just saying that if the hypothetical ex husband in her scenario didn’t pay his anonymous ex wife then she she might wind up living out of her car. I assume that the car is hypothetical too, and might possibly even be some kind of mini van. That would be much more comfortable than a standard car. Plus you’ve got more room and some electrical outlets to work with. Of course a standard car is once again much more of a comfortable sleeping arrangement than say a compact, or a foreign sports coup with bucket seats. It couldn’t be a mobile home because though a RV is a vehicle, you can’t really call it a car – unless you’re really stretching it (and if you stretch a car that far then it might as well be one of Neal’s old Journey limo’s with the bar, jacuzzi, and small recording studio built in)!. The experience of living in a nice RV with a little kitchen and a bathroom is just so much different from sleeping doubled up on a back seat of an old car while huddled under a sleeping bag, that calling an RV a car is creating the wrong impression. Context creates a lot! For instance had Amber been sleeping in a Dodge Journey it would’ve been ironic. So perhaps that’s why her ex son in law is taking her into Minneapolis court under a law suit he’s filed. He wants to clear the air.

coincidental persons

Schonn filed suit on Monday. He claims that his mother in law’s internet rants were far from hypothetical but aimed straight at him. He maintains further that she knew her rant might get picked up in the tabs and construed to mean him, even if Judy didn’t file in all the details. She, as a former Waseca mayor, should’ve known how people would construe that, & that makes her liable for libel! She might have at least added one of those “Any resemblance to actual persons is coincidence and not the responsibility of the author” disclaimers.

granny goes to court

So why drag granny into court? Well for one thing there’s some misinformation that needs clearing up. For instance Neal Schonn didn’t leave his ex wife destitute. He was order by the court to pay her $1.3 million and court records show that he has in fact exceeded those payments over the past 5 years! So an even better question might be why was Amber dragging him back into court claiming he reneged on spousal support payments?

 mama goes to school

Part of that stems from Amber’s attempts to continue her education. After the divorce Amber wanted to go back to college and eventually get her teaching ticket. That way she could have a career and eventually even become a self supporting person. That’s a noble aspiration. Amber eventually got her BA and ran up only 5 to 8 courses short of her teaching ticket. Amber claims that she ran out of money and if only ex Neal could throw more her way then she could finish up.

Is vaginal rejuvenation a dubious expense?

Neal claims that not his problem. Amber had more than enough of his money to complete her education and live well. Her problem is that she spent too much on flaky bullshit. The flaky bullshit got documented during one of their hearings and some items from the list include monthly living expenses of $11,622. The court noted that the expenses include $4,094 to maintain the home and $5,617 in personal expenses. The latter includes annual expenses of $9,600 for eyeglasses, $9,600 for birthday parties, $7,200 for clothing, $6,000 for a car, $5,760 for a storage locker and $2,400 for postage. Postage is where she lost her creditability. She spend almost half as much on it as her car and almost 1/3 as much as her eyeglasses. Who sends letters anymore? On the up side at least there’s no listing for vaginal rejuvenation (the going rate for that is $25 000 or something, if Brandi Glamville is to be believed, & she likes to keep her chappies happy with something snappy!). Point is Neal says it’s not his fault if the ex cant’ handle money responsibly. Judge Mary Vasaly agreed and on Jan 23 denied Amber Kozan’s petition. It’s good she did too – by failing to value and complete an education, Amber is setting a terrible example for her daughters.

seeking damages

So naturally Schonn wants this whole ugly mess cleared up. That’s why he’s taken his former mother in law into court. Schonn’s claim is that she maligned his could name, and didn’t help Malahi’s reputation much either. When she wrote on her blog about an anonymous man who has taken actions that will leave his two daughters homeless and “has put his ex in a situation where she literally has no money for food, gas for the car, bills, nothing.” he believes that she meant him and intended other people to believe that. He also believes that she acted with the malicious intention that her blog postings would be picked up and distributed by the tabloids.So he’s accused her libel, and also of invading his privacy. He would like the court to ban Kazon from making disparaging and derogatory comments about himself and Michaele Salahi, and is seeking over $75 000 in damages.

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Latest Lohan Lowdown

Things haven’t been going peachy keen for Lindsay Lohan lately. Lindsay has been in court recently over a series of probation violations or something stemming from her last car crash. That’s the one where she hit a truck on the Pacific Coast Highway (back on June 8, 2012) while she was working on Dick & Liz. At first Lindsay told police that she hadn’t been driving, her assistant had. Assistant later denied driving and said that hew as covering for Lindsay. Lindsay gfot charged with lying to the police, or soothing. So the court wasn’t very pleased.

So Lindsay had to go up before Judge James Dabney in Los Angeles Superior Court no less. Her attorney Mark Heller pleaded no contest over the lying. For the record “no contest” is not the same as guilty – but an admission that you don’t have a strong enough case to defend yourself.

That’s not as bad as it sounds because the plea was part of a plea bargain which sees Lohan with a  180 day jail term to be suspended upon her completion of the court’s conditions. Those conditions are 18 months of psychotherapy. She also has to spent 90 days in a locked rehabilitation facility, and following that another 30 days of community service. 

The judge also issued a stern warning for Ms. Lohan to stay out of cars, bars, and trouble generally. Said Judge Dabney –  “A suggestion: don’t drive. You’re in New York, you don’t need a car. This is it. If you violate your probation we’re not going to be having these discussions.” 

More trouble about Chris Brown. Last year he and Drake got into it at WiP nite club over probably Rihanna. There was an altercation and some twit picks of Chris with a cut on his chin. So punch came to shove. Some bottles were also thrown around.  Now it seems that the story is bogger than Chris, Rihanna, and Drake.

Basketball star and Eva Longoria ex Tony Parker was also at the scene of the crime. He’s claiming that hew as injured in the melee. So he’s launched a lawsuit against Entertainment Enterprises Ltd – owners of WiP. His asking price is $20 million. Parker’s people claim that EE Ltd should’ve known that there was bad blood between Brown and Drake, and not let them both in at the same time.

Olympic skier Lindsay Vonn is dating Tiger Woods & that’s confirmed. Vonn confirmed it herself. Vonn said “I guess it wasn’t a well kept secret but yes I am dating Tiger Woods. Our relationship evolved from a friendship into something more over these past few months and it has made me very happy.”Vonn wrote on facebook.

Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

Bauhaus’ Peter Murphy Arrested

Murphy’s Law

Peter Murphy of Brit Goth Rock Band Bauhaus has been arrested for suspicion of causing injuries while driving under the influence of drugs, for felony hit and run, and for possession of methamphetamine. His tale starts down in Glendale, California. Murphy was driving his Subaru Forrester on the intersection of Central & Goode when he nailed as Mercedes at about 11:48 AM. Murphy then managed to make his way around the Mercedes onto Ventura Freeway.

Unfortunately for Murphy he did not make a perfect getaway. For one thing the driver of the Mercedes managed to get his license number, which she passed on toe fire personnel before being hauled away on a gurney. A near by window washer got pictures of Murphy’s vehicle leaving the scene and showing some significant front end damage.Plus eye witnessed followed him from the scene because they were afraid his driving would kill some one. Eye witnesses like the driver of a pick up who followed Murhy from Glendale and eventually managed to cut him off once they reached LA. LA police then detained Murphy until Glendale police arrivced

Murphy had an explanation for his poor driving. He informed Police that he had not been drinking, but was jet lagged from having recently taken a long plane flight. That combined with the effects of his anti depression medication had left him feeling a little under the weather. Police could tell that much already because Murphy seemed unsure of where he was and of the time of day. The police were more interested in the bag of what they suspect is meth amphetamine that he was carrying around with him. So the poor man got hauled in,. booked, and is currently being held on $500 000 bail.

Michelle Shocked recently


Michelle Shocked is a singer who lives up to her name. She might not be living up to her billing because a bunch of her shows have just got cancelled. The reason is because  Michelle Shocked recently went Westboro Baptist Church on her fans while performing in San Francisco. Michelle is a born again Christian and decided to share some of her beliefs with fans during a concert. Michelle was especially concerned about gay marriage. So Michelle told her audience that “You can go on Twitter and say, ‘Michelle Shocked says God hates (anti-gay slur).’”

The result of this outburst is that Michelle Shocked has lost some work. Evanston’s SPACE has cancelled Michelle Shocked’s May 5th performance. SPACE general manager/talent buyer Jake Samuels said he confirmed with the San Francisco promoter that Shocked’s comments were “ugly in nature and not meant to be artistic or satirical in any way … It wasn’t a very hard decision for us.” SPACE’s website goes on to say that “After speaking with the promoter of that show about the nature of the remarks, it’s clear that this is no longer a show we’re willing to put our name on.” SPACE will is offering refunds to ticket holders.

Michelle Shocked may be out of work but Tom Cruise has a full dance card. There’s another Mission Impossible set to go with Christopher McQuarrie directing. Cruise is also set to reprise his Jack Reacher role. The last Jack Reacher cleared about $215  million world wide for Paramount & Skydance. He’s got Oblivion with director Joseph Kosinski coming out soon. Now he can add The Man From Uncle to the list.

The Man From Uncle was a popular 60’s spy TV show. Robert Vaughn and David Ireland played secret agents Napoleon Solo and Illya Kuryakin, who worked for United Nations Command for Law Enforcement. Warner Bros wants to bring the idea back for a possible franchise. They even had Steven Soderbergh lined up to direct and George Clooney set to star. Clooney dropped out because of neck and back issues. So now the studio is pushing the project with Guy Ritchie directing and Tom Cruise as the lead.

Now this is great news for Mr. Cruise but I can’t help feeling a little discouraged about it. With The Man From Uncle getting big screen treatment is means that almost every successful TV show from the past 40 years as been pillaged for possible script material. Yet there hasn’t been a live action full length Wonder Woman movie! Fans did get an idea of what a Wonder Woman motion picture might look like recently when a ‘fan made’ teaser by Jesse V Jackson hit the net. It feature’s Nina Bergman as Wonder Woman, and she shows her action chops while taking on  a group of Nazi’s. Let’s have a look at Wonder Nina as she Dances With Nazis.


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Stirring Up Trouble – Cookbook Controversy Continues

Who would’ve thought that a cook book could be controversial, let alone bring together uptight white chicks in a bonding moment. Well that’s exactly what Gwyneth Paltrow‘s It’s All Good has done. Paltrow penned the book to share her low carb gluten free lifestyle with the world. She also wanted to share the insights and experience that she gained along the way. Stuff like her family experiencing ‘specific hunger’ when they swear off of the pizza crust and potato chips. Specific hunger is a term for “cravings”. It would’ve saved a lot of misunderstanding if Paltrow had just said “cravings”, because now the idea that she’s starving out her family on some kooky lifestyle kick has raised hackles. Now this is the part where uptight white chick bonding comes in because it’s Elizebeth Hasselbeck to the rescue.

uptight white chicks stick together, just like gluten

Hasselbeck has been getting some press lately too. That’s because no one knows whether she’s in or out over at the View. Official word is that she’s in. The grapevine is still saying she’s out. Either way she recently made her opinions known when the Gwyneth gluten cook book got mentioned over at the View. Liz took the opportunity to come charging to Paltrow’s defense. Hasselbeck says that she completely gets the whole anti gluten thing. In fact to hear Hasselbeck talk you’d think that gluten is one of the great scourges of our society. In fairness I believe that gluten intolerance has been linked to many mental conditions like depression, bi polar, and even more series stuff, such as an irritant in schizophrenia. It’s also been linked to auto immune conditions like arthritis. The link to gluten hasn’t been conclusive proven though.

Elizabeth says – “I do believe that there is a growing number of people with gluten intolerance, not just celiac disease, like myself,” said Hasslebeck, who’s authored two bestselling gluten-free cookbooks. “I do think it causes inflammation in the body, whether you are celiac or gluten intolerant or not.”

People with celiac disease cannot tolerate gluten, a protein found most often in wheat, rye and barley. Gluten is a like a kind of glue, or binding agent, that holds the grains together after they’ve been ground up and baked. Most people don’t have a problem with it. However it throws some people for a loop. Celiac Disease is the recognized form of gluten intolerance, but it’s believed to effect people in milder, or unrecognized forms. There’s a lot of anecdotal evidence of people who claim that chronic health conditions improved once they got rid of carbs in their diet. Hasselbeck’s own experiences seems to bear this out – “I’ve been on the diet for 10 years,” she explained. “I’ve never felt better.”

Not that Liz is fanatically anti carb or anything. She’s willing to keep an open mind. For instance –  Hasselbeck continued, “I do believe that there are quality carbs that can replace gluten, like a quinoa, amaranth, buckwheat, rice, corn, all those things . . . They’re alternative grains that provide a great amount of nutrition. You need quality carbs. Kids need quality carbohydrates to run.”

Besides Hasselbeck has another reason for backing Paltrow. They’re both moms so they’ve got each others’ back. Well Hasselbeck has Paltrow’s back anyway. Says Liz –  “She could do whatever the heck she wants“, says Hasselbeck, and continues,  “She’s a mom, those are her kids, do what you want.” Naturally ‘do what you want’ means ‘with in reason’. For instance that wouldn’t include subjecting your kids to radical scientific experimentation. It usually means things like curfews and dress codes. Radical lifestyle choices like fad diets, home schooling, or choosing to raise em religious is a grey area. No one likes those things but they’re not sure what to do about it. However let’s please try to keep this in perspective. It’s not like Paltrow has banned vaccines for her kids or anything. She’s not a regular Alex Jones caller, yet. When the kids are restricted to Tangy Tangerine food supplements then you can call CPS.

BTW this whole gluten free thing seems to be catching on. Aspiring actress and short list candidate for CW‘s Amazon Alexandra Daddario took a bite out of a gluten free pancake recently, and her face says it all.

potential CW Amazon pick Alexandra Daddario tries to keep her composure after tasting a gluten free pancake
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