Dynamic tension

Bradd Pitt and Angelina Jolie annoy neighbours in Santa Barbara

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are in trouble with their neighbors down in Santa Barbara, California. That’s where Brangelina are headquartered in their multimillion dollar coastal ranch with the 6 children. It’s a kind of hi-security compound, or celebrity bunker, where the family can enjoy their together time in the great outdoors. The Pitt Jolie’s have a crack security team to make sure that paparazzi, and the other weirdos celebs attract, don’t go tresspassin’ where they don’t belong. Trouble is that the guards sometimes hassle people when they’re where they do belong!

According to Mike Lunsford, president of the Gaviota Coast Conservancy, Brangelina’s guards come off heavy handed. In a statement to Radaronline, Lumsford says  

“I’ve heard of neighbors complaining about being bullied off the state beaches,”

“I think they have some over-zealous security people who have legitimate concerns about their safety and paparazzi invading their privacy… but there have been incidents where people have been just going for hike and one friend was rudely accosted.” 

The PJ’s ranch is right next to Gaviota State Park. So sometimes the border patrol misses the mark and oversteps the boundary. Not only do they keep the wayward off of Brad and Angie’s acreage, but they also have been chasing hikers & locals off of the near by park trails. It could be that the guards mistakenly think that they are still on ranch property.

Tensions got even higher this past Easter Sunday. Brad was out with the boys tearing around the beach in their dirt bikes. Now that is what has some neighbors’ noses out of joint. The Gaviota coastline is a natural national treasure. The beaches in Gaviota State park are some of the most perfectly preserved in the world. So the residents who own property on the Gaviota coastline are expected to behave accordingly.

For instance vehicles , except for life guard and emergency vehicles, are banned on the beaches. So near by home owners are forbidden to use vehicles by the Santa Barbara County Beaches and Parks Code. It’s seen as too damaging to the local eco system. So Brad’s dirt bike excursion didn’t go over too well.

This is where the a fore mentioned Mike Lumsford comes into it. As the president of the Gaviota Conservancy, he’s the voice of preservation. Said Lunsford:

 “It’s a rare gem, the Gaviota coastline — and there’s not many places left in the world like it.”

“On state beaches, only lifeguard or rescue vehicles can drive on them,” he added. “I saw the pictures, I wasn’t surprised, he probably didn’t know it was against the law. But he shouldn’t be doing it.” 

Conservation is the issue that the neighbors conflict has gotten caught in. Many locals, speaking anonymously, claimed that Brad Pitt’s dirt biking on the beach only proved that he was some rich jerk out of Hollywood.

“This is another example of some rich ***** who thinks he’s cool,” one said.

“Maybe he just doesn’t realize what harm he could be doing and what a bad example it sets. However, it is probably not legal and is definitely not cool.”

Another furious resident went even further, charging: “Neighbors have all complained because Brad started trying to keep them off the beach below his house there. This is a beach that is everyone’s and they’ve enjoyed it for years.”

He added, “Brad Pitt treats neighbors as if it is his beach now and he’s been bullying everyone. He’s pi**ed them all off. Maybe it’s time that Mr. Pitt gets a visit from the county.” 

So this could wind up with county council regulators getting in on the act. Just as long as no one kicks sand in anyone’s face, this should be resolved with resorting to body building courses!

highly effective comics!

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Marijuana on Bieber’s Tour Bus?

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez have recently gotten back together. The were a big item for what seemed like too long. Then they went their desperate separate ways. Rumours were that Justy was seeing other women, like possibly Rihanna. Selena made some comments that she was looking ofr a man and not a boy. She was also photographed talking to a tree, which made it’s way into her Twitter feed via the usual celebrity offender Instagram.

The Green Girl?

Now it’s seems that Justy & Sally have patched it up and are back on. SG has even penned a new song about Bieber, which is gonna be included on her new album! The only trouble is that the Bieber is still seeing some other chick. In fact the girl in question was recently found on board his tour bus! Details are still kinda sketchy but the gal’s name is Mary Jane, and she’s very popular!


Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

/>Gwyneth Paltrow Talks Iron Man 3 Wardrobe Malfunction

Gwyneth Paltrow does Iron Man 3 in a tin can – that is her very own super powered exo skeleton. So that raises the whole issue of celebrity wardrobe malfunctions. Gwyneth bravely faces the issue with Ellen DeGeneres.

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Amanda Bynes Shaves Half Her Head

So what happened to Amanda Bynes? Is this MK Ultra Mind Control programming gone berserk? Or is it the worst case of refer madness recorded? Either way, now that Bynes has shaved half her head, the crazy bar has just been raised!

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David Spade Trashes Reese Witherspoon!

Backtalk backlash

A little while back Reese Witherspoon got picked up by the cops. She was out drunk with her husband, Jim Toth, who was driving, and the cops wanted to know what’s what. So they pulled the Hollywood Lovebirds over (The Hollywood Lovebirds would have been a great name for either a mid to late 70’s power rock love ballad anthem band, or for a wrestling tag team featuring two guys with peroxide hair and attitudes – but those days have passed). What made the encounter interesting, besides most people not having pegged movie good girl Witherspoon as getting into a DUI beef, is that she got huffy with the cops. Basically she drunkenly cussed em out, and then asked if they knew who she was. A clue to that question might be – ‘you’re not one of the little people she thanks when she grabs those awards‘.

what’s what & who’s who

Reese is getting a bit of a backlash over her high and mighty bit. It’s not just some regular Joe Plumber or Sarah Palin either. Some of that backlash is coming from people you know of, or know who they are. They’re actually celebrities. One of the glitterati, David Spade, has taken particular umbrage with Ms. Witherspoon. He didn’t sneak anything off on Twitter either. Dave had the guts to go right out there on video and speak his mind. So lets have a look see at that.

Amanda Bynes heard hearing voices

Amanda Bynes has taken a turn for the worse. She’s the ex Nickelodeon starlet who started making Lindsay Lohan look like a together chic.Basically Bynes started abusing drugs or something – though no one has ever accused her of doing anything harder than pot – and acting crazy. She’d go to gym class and walk aimlessly around until the instructor asked her to leave. Or she’d go shopping and hole up in a change room for hours. When she would finally get forced out she might take off without paying for something. Or she’d go out in public repeatedly wearing a bird’s nest of hair extensions and purple wigs. Or she’d sit and start blankly into space for hours while playing with her lips. Then again, who hasn’t done that last one? There were also some legal problems, quarrels with her parents, and a stream of bizarre tweets (she asked Drake to murder her vagina) that you might expect from a woman in her condition. If this girl is only doing pot then she’s using Courtney Love’s urine as bong water!.

Gladys Gravity and the neighborhood watch downers

Now things have taken and unhappy turn. Neighbors in Bynes’ NYC apartment complex say that the actress is becoming a handful. Now you might write them off as nosy & disgruntled Gladys Kravitz types with nothing better to do then peer at their peers as they come and go, while writing down what time they came and went, but these people seem to have some concrete concerns. For one thing they say that Bynes wanders the halls all hours of the day and night. She talks to herself in gibberish while she roams. They say she hears voices.

it’s a long trip down and a longer one back, so be good to yourself

In addition Bynes is becoming paranoid. She thinks that smoke detectors have tracking devices inside them. So I assume that she’s developing some kind of an issue with smoke alarms. The mental strain is showing in her appearance too. She’s described as looking extremely disheveled. All this combines to worry her neighbors, especially those of them with children. It’s kind of worrying for those of us reading about it too. I don’t know Ms. Bynes, nor am I familiar with her work; but if even half of these rumours are true then I hope she gets herself sorted out and on track soon.

Voluptuous Brazilian lips!

In happier news Rihanna has found some one else to kiss her beside Chris Brown. This particular person would make many people’s Most Kissable list too. The Kisser In Question  is none other than Adriana Lima, with her big voluptuous Brazilian lips. Now before the thought of that gets you hot and bothered, distract yourself by quickly looking at the picture below!

The above photo was probably something that you’d never thought you’d see, but are glad that you did. The following one is something you probably didn’t expect either. As you may or may not have learned Aussie Billionaire Rupert Murdoch as taken up Transcendental Meditation. He joins a wave of celebrities that are rediscovering TM. They include the likes of Dr Oz, Oprah Winfrey, Ellen DeGeneres, Katie Perry, and her ex Russell Brand, among others. They join people like Jerry Seinfeld and Clint Eastwood, who’ve been TM practitioners for years.

Now that’s fine and well. It’s just that most people had Murdoch pegged as a hard driving mega billionaire. So they probably never pictured him sitting cross legged on some bean bagged zenning away. Well fortunately no one has to picture it because it’s already been pictured in an actual photographic picture – not an imaginary one! Well everything except for the bean bag. Take away the bean bag and you’ve got it, and here it is!

Media mogul Rupert Murdoch has learned Transcendental Meditation. http://ow.ly/kldZA

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Crime time & a hell of a joy ride

fast lane follies

Yesterday I posted the story about Reese Witherspoon’s drunken run in with the police.Now you don’t have to be a celebrity to get drunk and mouthy. Take the case of the man in the following video. He’s not a celebrity – although he’s well on his way. He’s merely a formerly anonymous person who got caught on close circuit TV.  Of course there’s more to it than that. He was also blasted completely out of his brain on drugs, and he stole a cop car, and he crashed it, and then he got run over at the scene. So while there may have been no room for an encore, it’s also a very tough act to follow, even for Reese Witherspoon. Let’s have a quick look at the startling video courtesy of the good folks at Liveleak.

Reese Witherspoon is not winning

Speaking of Reese Witherspoon here’s a brief recap of the poor woman’s woes. Reese was down in Atlanta, Georgia with her husband Jim Toth.  Both were drunk and Jim was behind the wheel. When they got pulled over Reese got mouthy, and even delivered the ole “Do you know who I am?” line. So Reese gets a swelled head to go with her big mouth while she’s drinkin’. Now when you get into a fight with a cop you can get in trouble, and the rogue lovebirds were hauled in to the station and caged for a little while. That left Reese what most celebs are – except for Charlie Sheen, who is one of the very few celebrities with the guts to be who he is! – professionally sorry. Reese says:

Out of respect for the ongoing legal situation I can not comment on everything that is being reported right now.But I do want to say that I clearly had one drink too many and I am deeply embarrassed about things that I said. It was definitely a scary situation and I was frightened for my husband, but that’s no excuse. I was disrespectful to an officer who was only doing his job. I have nothing but respect for the police and I’m very sorry for my behaviour.

cool with the heat

One southern belle who does know how to get along with the cops is Texan Sandra Bullock (Some lovely ladies come from the Lone Star State , from Farrah Fawcett & Jaclyn Smith right up to Angie Harmon & Eva Longoria – though Texas can’t take all of the credit for Ms. Bullock since her mother is German.). Sandra, like Reese Witherspoon, has a new movie coming out.It’s called Heat and is a cop flick set in Boston.

Now Boston has had a recent misfortune in which law enforcement and emergency response were heavily involved. They were so involved that they have been widely described as heroes. So Sandra decided to reward their good deeds by hosting a special private advance screening of her film for the Boston police.

Tara Reid gives All Saints more than they can handle, gets more than she bargained for

Tara Reid also had a brush with authority types. Now you’ll remember Tara as the chick from American Pie, and as a hard partying gal who gets in the tabloids from time tot time, usually when she goes a little too far in pursuit of a good time. Tara was recently down in LA when she wound up in an incicdent. To be fair it wasn’t in pursuit of a good time. It was in pursuit of a bargain.

Tara was patronizing All Saints. Now Tara has some kind of a deal worked out with All Saints in Paris and the UK. She allegedly gets huge deals. So she expected the same treatment in LA. The sales clerk, however, charged her full price. Since Tara was allegedly drunk at the time that didn’t go over well. Tara had some kind of tantrum that included yelling at employees. Then security escorted her away.

DMX loses count of his demons while looking for a life fix

Celebs are no strangers to legal woes, but sometimes they manage to keep it out of criminal court. In the case of DMX he’s managed to keep it in civil court. However he’s taken on big game in the form of talk sh0ow titan Oprah Winfrey.

DMX was on OWN with his ‘spiritual guruIyanla Vanzant. So DMX took the opportunity to talk about his dark side, like you would if you were spending an afternoon on the couch with Oprah. You’d sit and chat over coffee and cake about the worst experiences of your life, some of which will be made up or greatly exaggerated for effect. Then you’d both cry and hug. It’d be great – like chocolate and tears greedily devoured! It’s the sweet & salty combo folks love!

Apparently DMX didn’t like the way things went down. For one thing DMX says hew only wanted to talk about his addiction to women. Some how he wound up talking about his addictions to everything else. For instance DMX says that his drug addictions turned him paranoid and drove him to the brink of suicide (hang tough and roll with the punches big guy!). Now that ain’t what he intended to talk about when he showed up for his taping of Iylanla Fix My Life. So DMX feels that Iyanla tricked him, or at the very least duped him into opening up and talking about his demons. So he’s threatening legal action.

A View From Spice

Wonder Spice

Even seemingly harmless celebs can get dangerously close to the line. Celebs like the Spice Girls. Now you can’t imagine the like of Mel B and Emma Bunton going on a crime spree. Gerri Halliwell possibly. Now Posh might go bat shit is anyone looked at David Beckham. Then all bets are off.  Victoria Beckham in rumored to have gone without solid food for a long time, possibly years, and maybe even since the days of her Spice Girl glory – so she’s clearly capable of anything and no one to be crossed.Now to be clear Emma Bunton was not involved in this shameful incident. Neither was the malnourished Posh. Gerri Halliwell & Melanie Chisholm were in the thick of it, as instigators and bad influences on their good friend Melanie Brown.

It was down in LA and Mel was bothered by the heat. So she took to tweet to complain. That’s when her bosom buddies got in on the act. Mel C swung into action by daring Mel B to do something about it – like strip off and then parade around on her balcony. Duly dared Mel B took her up on it and after peeling off headed to the balcony. She then headed to twitter – because no one now can have a bowel movement without using Twitter to share the experience – and posted “I just mooned the whole of Los Angeles hahaha“. So if we’ve taken anything from this it’s that the difference between an afternoon with Oprah and with the Spice Girls is the difference between candy & Kleenex, on one hand, and wine & weed on the other! Spice Girls just wanna have fun!

BTW Halliwell and Chisholm have been counter dared and must sing Say You Be There in a pub, and video it for proof. That’s unlikely to happen, because for one thing everyone’s probably sobered up by now. Still you never know. So if you’re in the vicinity of Mel C or Geri then keep your eyes peeled.

Postalgia

Now the good news about bad news is that fame low points are often it’s most forgettable moments. That principle holds true even for household names like Ted Knight and Bernie Koppel! To illustrate let’s take a look at the following video of intro’s from 18 short lived sitcoms. This is back from the day when the Bad News Bears were a generations Mighty Ducks. It was way before Cagney met Lacey. In fact back then Sharon Gless was still with John SchuckPainless from MASH. It must be said however that Schuck’s greatest role still remains that of the police department’s crime fighting robot in Holmes & Yoyo. In fact the 1st intro features no less a personage than America’s professor of laughs Carl Reiner! Though the featured show is forgotten Carl is remembered fopr his classic comedy routines, the Dick Van Dyke show, and fathering Rob Meathead Reiner (All In The Family wouldn’t have been the same without him).

So if you’re a distressed celeb who happens to be reading this blog because yes you have sunk that low, or you’re a regular person struggling on your way, then take about 15 mins to chill, watch the video, and put things in perspective. Just because things are bad doesn’t mean that they won’t pass, even if you’re famous.

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Reese Witherspoon Arrested

If you had a movie theater in this shit hole then you’d know who I am!

Reese Witherspoon is in Mud. That’s a new film with Matthew McConaughey. She’s also in shit. Now that ain’t a film. It’s more of a legal predicament. It has something to do with Reese, her husband, her manager, a few too many drinks – at least 1 by Witherspoon’s own admission, and some police officers. Basically Reese was out havin’ a blast and then wound up getting pulled over. She was less than cordial to the officers. So things got more complicated by going from bad to worse. In this case from bad to worse means from getting pulled over to getting hauled in. Watch he video below for the story!

If you can’t find love in Norway then you’re looking in the wrong place, or something.

In other news it seems like Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are back together or something, in some kind of sneaking around kiss and won’t tell Chris & Rihanna type of way. Ordinarily I’d be as skeptical of this rumour has I would of any other unsubstantiated gossip that I can’t wait to post here. However in this case there might be something to it. For one thing the reunion took place in Norway – one of the world’s most romantic locations!

nice ice and in your face porn

Wonder Voth

Now before everyone gets huffy and says that I’m raggin’ on Norway or Norwegians or anything let me remind everyone that Julia Voth is of Norwegian ancestry. So they must have an extra share of sexy genes or something.! They do share some real estate with the Swedes. You know what the Swedes are like. They practically made porn respectable back in the 60’s, while Hugh Hefner was still trying to hide it behind very good articles on politics, cars, and other thin veneers of literary respectability. If you’re gonna do porno then you gotta be totally in your face. Go big or go home!

Ikea action

It’s just that Scandinavia doesn’t come off as the most romantic local in the world. Maybe it’s the 6 months of total darkness. Maybe it’s the social liberal welfare state that has sapped everyone’s will to live. Maybe it’s a milieu of gloomy movies, dreary music, depressing plays, & existentialist philosophy, etc. Maybe it’s even all that damned Ikea furniture. Nothing will take the wind out of your sails faster than having to put the bed together before you can jump on it; not to mention having to figure out what to do with those spare bits you’ve got left over after misinterpreting the instructions. Fortunately Ikea doesn’t make contraceptives – or they’ d be up to their asses in class actions!

hanky panky panic

So despite their liberal attitudes on hanky panky and their porno cottage industry, you just don’t think of countries like for instance Finland they same way that you think of the Caribbean. So I took the opportunity to good naturally kid our Scandinavian reader (You know who you are, Olaf!). BTW & for the record I do know that Denmark is also a Scandinavian country, depending on whom you ask, even though I hadn’t worked it in with the other mentions. That doesn’t help the case, since Hamlet was a Dane and look at how depressed he was. Hamlet and Ophelia were no Romeo & Juliet you know.

an easy million

Back to Justin and Selena. There is more incriminating evidence besides exotic international locales. Most compelling is the picture of him and Gomez that he Instagramed to his Twitter feed. BTW you wanna make yourself an easy million bucks or so? Then just come up with some iPhone app that celebrities can use by way of their Twitter accounts. It has to be something with strong sales appeal. Maybe an app that catches them in the act (of doing something embarrassing, illegal, or career ending) and then automatically uploads it to the Twit. Or it could be an app that tracks popular political opinion and then auto tweets comments to the contrary. Or maybe it just sends out pictures of your private parts to random Twitter followers. There’s no need for bells & whistles when good public relations is  like good porno – no creditability and totally in your face! The point is that celebrities seem to enjoy embarrassing themselves on Twitter and will take to heart any new application that lets them log more Twit time. You too can cash in!

off again on again

As for Justin and Selena – Bieber tweeted some picture of them together in Norway or something. Then a little while later he takes the pic down. No one is exactly sure what went on except that Instagram was used. You can bloody well bet on that! So everyone is speculating that they’re back together or something. Now I would like to write this off as rumour. Bieber and Carley Rae Jepsen are the match that gotta happen. It’ll rip pop music apart! However there is some compelling evidence that Bibs and Gomez are back on – like the following short and informative video!

Justin Bieber breaks Carley Rae Jepsen’s heart- – video proof!

Had enough? Hang in there.

Even Kris & Rob have had enough of the constant twilight coverage

So there you have it, and I’m as shocked as you are! I don’t know what to say about it except “Hang in there Carley“. This Gomez reunion can’t last. They’ll be over faster than you can say Pattinstew, or merely Twilight. Then that’s your chance to nab him on the rebound! With your combined career momentum you could double or triple each others’ career lives! Not that Bieber deserves it after standing Jepsen up at the Juno’s last nite! That would’ve been their perfect opportunity!

Tangentially thinking and parenthetically speaking

I really shouldn’t have digressed so much during that post. It’s just so much gets written about Justin Bieber – Just had a fender bender, Justin shouted at a neighbor, Justin drinks bear and spits on the side walk; you just start to glaze over. However you have to write about him because there’s some interest and a lot of material circulating around. The problem is that now when ever I hear the name “Justin Bieber” my mind start to wander, and then drift. Then pretty soon I’m in Norway with Julia Voth – who may or may not be wearing a Wonder Woman costume! Now I’m not sure what I was talking about but let’s leave you with more of what you like – Julia Voth!!!

There is something to be said for Scandinavians, or Norwegians at least.

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