ShowBiz Minute: Harper, Fergie, Bullock

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6 Degrees of Michael Douglas

a man among men in Hollywood

Michael Douglas has lead a very interesting life. In addition to his career as an A List movie star, writer, & director he’s had his personal misadventures with alcohol, drugs, sex, & marriage. Marriage is the regret he’s spoken of recently, in relation to ex wife Diandra. While he says he regards her warmly as a friend, he also says that the marriage counselors did him no good service by prolonging the agony.

picking the bones

Diandra has had a bone to pick with him too. For one thing she recently took him back to court to request more money. People figured that he must’ve let her well off cause he’s loaded. She could’ve reasonably expected half the Douglas fortune, or at least the $40 mill or so that Heather Mills picked up off of Sir Paul McCartney after their marriage went bust. Was Diandra coming off like a greedy Hollywood ex?

bringin’ home the bacon

Well Diandra has her expenses. For one thing she’s got a slew of kids. Their are a set of twins produced via surrogacy – Hudson & Hawke. She was with a hedge fund manager or something back then, named Zach Hampton Bacon III. It’s a shame that she wasn’t getting some advice from him cause she got burned in the Bernie Madoff Ponzi scheme (as well as through her feeder fund the Fairfield Greenwich Group). Many wound up back at square one after that. Kevin Bacon, who may or may not be related to Zachery Bacon 3, lost most of his earnings after Madoff’s crash and had to do some commercials playing off of his 6 degrees notoriety to helps make ends meet.

“You probably can’t afford me” – reverse sales & too big to fail

As for Madoff no one is sure what the secret of his success was except that as his fund got bigger he became more reluctant to take on new clients. He was concerned about the scandal getting out of the fund got too big so he’d try and talk people out of signing on. He was trying to keep things under control by preventing them from getting to big to manage.

That seemed to work like a reverse sales pitch. The less he tried to talk on board new business, the more he got a rep as an investor with an exclusive clientele so the world beat a path to his door. Normally savvy people up to and including Hollywood celebrities clamored to be let on board based on the idea that if he doesn’t want your business then he must be good. By the time the gamey miscalculation was realized a ton of cash had disappeared like water under the bridge, leaving a horde of pissed off investors behind.

the Kazakhstan Connection

Ruslana Korshunova

Back to Diandra. She also has some other kids. She has an adopted daughter Imara, from Kazakhstan. That’s the home of fictitious world traveler and probing reporter, Sasha Baron Cohen’s Borat. Also of tragic model Ruslana Korshunova. She’s the girl who jumped out her apartment window several years ago and just as she was about to break big as a fashion model. No one was quite sure what drove her to jump, except that she may have had some issues with a former boyfriend. There were also wild conspiracy theories about that. Russian message board forum claimed she was the victim of a Zionist organized ‘white slave trade’. Others claimed that she had been approached by the Russian Mafia to transport currency back behind the former Iron Curtain. Models are frequent flyers. According to some professional conspiracy theorists like Fritz Artz Springmeier that makes them natural choices as MK Ultra mind controlled spy couriers. In Ruslana’s case she made frequent trips back to Kazakhstan to help support her family.

Success is a dog’s dog’s life


As for Diandra, you can add a couple of dogs to her woes. There’s Blanca, and Blanca’s own ‘companion animal’ named Namaste. Now Namaste may be her dog’s dog, but Diandra is still financial responsible. Then there’s a boyfriend Paulo Oliveira who drops by frequently. That makes for a full house even without the presence of environmental activist Michael Klein. She married him and then quickly divorced him in 2005 – marriage, like Winston Churchill’s definition of success – and these days also like hedge fund management, is often lurching from one failure to the next with undiminished enthusiasm. As long as you’re too big to fail you’ve got nothing to worry about, & how will you know if you’re too big to fail unless you try? Klein knows a thing or two about success himself because according to his bio he’s also an entrepreneur – though I’m guessing that Diandra didn’t make anything on that divorce.

putting shit on ice cream don’t make it a hit fudge sunday


So put that all together and Diandra has a big household that takes money to run. There were other misfortunes. Her god daughter Casey Johnson died suddenly and unexpectedly. Casey was the woman who started seeing Tila Tequila shortly after Miss Tila disgraced herself by accusing Sean Merriman of assault after he tried to stop her from driving away form one of his parties drunk. He claimed to have placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her from going. She flipped the fuck out and said she’d been beaten down. For awhile people didn’t know who to believe. That’s based on the PC principle that when a woman says “shit”, everyone else has to call it “ice cream”.








love on the rocks

After a little while common sense started to click in and people wondered that if a 6’4″ 245 pound line backer viciously pounded a 5’1″ 100 pound girl then how come she didn’t have a mark on her. That would be like a Volkswagen Beetle hitting a bus and not getting a scratch! She showed up in public a week later with some dubious looking bruise that some said looked more like mascara and foundation. Her story also didn’t add up. She claimed that she never drinks because she’s Asian and has an alcohol allergy – but played a bar tender on her reality TV series Shot of Love. Yet neighbors of Merriman’s had seen her knocking back vodka only days before the alleged incident. So things weren’t adding up.

crossing the line with Miss Tila


So along about the time everyone thought it would be good for Miss Tila to go away for awhile, she hooked into Casey Johnson. They were gonna get married or something. Miss Tila was often photo’d with Johnson wearing a smug expression that seemed to say “now you’ll never get rid of me”. Then Johnson mysteriously died. Johnson had some health issues, so that prob caught up with her. Still people began thinking that Miss Tila would be a bad person to stand next to in an electrical storm. She had crossed the line from annoyingly entertaining to possibly dangerous, and hasn’t gotten back even in spite of her impressive work in the conspiracy theory field.

down & out in Beverly Hills


As for Diandra she also had a deal on her home fall through. She was trying to unload her Santa Barbara mansion Montecito for $29 mill. That might have been enough to scrape by on but the deal fell through. She has worked out an arrangement where she leases the use of the mansion for special events. Hilary Duff & Mike Comrie got married at Montecito. Now word on how much that cost them. Diandra does say, of her financial plight & her decision to sue her ex Michael Douglas for more financial support – “Because of the type of human being I aspire to be, if Starr & Company hadn’t happened and Madoff hadn’t happened, and if a lot of other things hadn’t happened, to tell you the honest truth, I really believe I would have walked away.” .


Happily Ever Wonder?

So if we’ve learned anything from this long and meandering tale of misfortune it’s that everyone has their problems – & no matter how successful they are, they might be lurching from one failure to the next like everyone else. If, as Sir Winston Churchill allegedly said, that the only difference is attitude, then there are no people like show people! The thing is that anyone can have a bad day, or even a long series of bad days, no matter how super they are.


Wonder Woman shows us that you can even have fun in a tight spot, if you’re into that sport of thing!




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Burgers are fun, so is sex – but marriage not so much

Britney Spears is a very wealthy young woman. The 31 year old singer is reputedly worth almost $70 million dollars that she made from her last tour, in addition to the $15 million she got off of X Factor. Of that about $14 million is locked up in the conservatorship managed by her father, former chef Jamie Spears. So what does Britney do with her cash? She spends it, and TMZ has ablow by blow account of what they infer are Britney’s squandering.

So what does Brit blow her wad on? Well Britney like the dollar stores. So $63.74 got spent on those. Then there’s her love for fast foods and Starbucks‘ coffee. She racked up $3400 on Christmas lights. Then there was about $30 000 on personal grooming, which included a $500 manicure. She also threw about $1500 to her former brother in law Casey Aldridge. All the odds and ends taken together mounted up to about 7 million – or half her yearly allotment from the conservatorship.

Another wealthy celebrity is Michael Douglas. He made his fortune through years of successful film work. During that time he was married to ex wife Diandra. Now Michael says that he is quite fond of his ex and regards her as a friend. However he does have one regret about their time together – and that is that they didn’t end their marriage ten years sooner. Now Michael is quick to point out that’s not his ex’s fault, or even his. He blames the marriage counselor for screwing up the divorce.

According to Michael marriage counselors have a vested interest in keeping troubled relationships limping along. It’s because they lose clients to lawyers if the marriage ends in divorce. So they like to keep the patient alive for as long as possible, even is that means being more or less permanently hooked up to a respirator. There are just those times when you have to dismiss the doctors and send in the priest to administer last rites. Or as Michael himself puts it:

 “I know I’m going to get into trouble here. I have nothing against her and in fact I’m very fond of my first wife. But we should have ended that marriage eight or 10 years earlier.

“It took me too long to realize that if you go to a marriage counselor to resolve problems, it’s in his interest to keep the marriage going.

“Because if I end the marriage he’s got no business. I think Diandra would probably say the same thing. That’s the only clear regret that I have.”

Maybe it’s better to look at a marriage as more like a thoroughbred race horse than a terminal ill patient. It can be a thing of great beauty and value. It can take you places, give you a thrill, and provide much enjoyment. However when the creature breaks a leg it becomes a handicap & liability. Then it’s more humane to put it down quickly, than to prolong the misery as much as possible; and beyond the limits that good sense will condone, or human folly endure.

Michael & Diandra separated in 1995, but didn’t finally pull the plug until 2000 – which was 10 years too late. Michael then moved on to his current missus – glamorous Welsh beauty Catherine Zeta Jones. Incidentally CZJ was the one everyone wanted to play Wonder Woman in a movie before they got stuck on Megan Fox.

Catherine Zeta Jones is a Welsh Wonder Woman!

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The Gwyneth Paltrow Effect

What do Gwyneth Paltrow & Chernobyl have in common?

Gwyneth Paltrow usually appears in public impeccably made up. Why is that? – you might ask, apart from the fact that she’s one of the world’s most beautiful women, and naturally likes to highlight her assets. Well there is another reason. It appears that when seen without make up on Gwyneth Paltrow “glows”.

Shining time!

Now I’m not sure how literally to take the word “glows”, but when in doubt it’s safest to go as close to the facts as possibly. So I’m gonna have to think that she gives off some kind of radiant wave or something. That way when ever Gwyneth Paltrow enters a room, maybe unexpectedly or maybe even unannounced, she gives off little waves of light that alert everyone to her presence. That way no one gets taken unawares, or even by surprise. It’s really very fair minded of her, and just one of her many little condescensions to the rest of us!

Don’t mistake me for the awesome impression I make!

Anyway we were talking about Gwyneth herself, and not her aura of fame (those things can sometimes take on a life of their own). Nobody can be quite sure what this “Gweneth Paltrow Effect” is, or even when it was first discovered. Some give credit to sharp eyed late nite viewers, who noticed Paltrow’s legs shining away distractingly on the David Letterman Show, and there after christened her “Fish-sticks”. Others say it’s just the way she turns the world on with her smile (BTW no word yet on Paltrow’s rumored Mary Richards Movie project – but I’m sure that she’s gonna be great in it, especially and now more that ever that the studios need her to keep playing Pepper Potts. So who says there’s no work in Hollywood for gals over 40?). Either way those in the know know that unless Gwyneth is properly battered & breaded, then she can be a bit too much for the human eye to behold – just like that gaseous being in Star Trek who drove Spock mad after he looked without goggles!

No need for public concern just yet!

So what’s the latest on the Gwyneth Paltrow Effect? Is she drawing down satellite attention by being mistaken for a rogue solar flare? Is she showing up on UN thermographic surveys? Is she planning a Shallow Hal remake? Whatever it is you won’t have to wonder because if you view the following short, informative, and entertaining video you should be up to speed on Gwyneth Paltrow and her hard to manage glow!

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Oprah Gets PIssed

Ignorance isn’t stupidity. It just means that you haven’t learned the wrong things. These little things take some effort because they’re the commonalities that bind us together. They’re ordinary things like cutting some one off for a parking spot, or complaining loudly about service when everything is not just so. It shows that you know how to conduct yourself in society – so people better not mess with you. That is unless you’re Oprah Winfrey, with whom people might not messy ordinarily. Then, if for example, some one tells you can’t afford something you just quietly walk out, and maybe issue some kind of press release.

Oprah Winfrey has had some kind of a scene and it’s not in her new movie Lee Daniels’ The Butler either. This scene happened in Switzerland in a s tore called Trois Pomme. Oprah had in arrived in plain clothes. That means no eyelashes, a Donna Karan skirt, and sandals. So apparently the sales clerk didn’t recognize her when she asked the price on a very up scale Tom Ford handbag. The price was 35 000, which is a lot of up. The clerk, not realizing that Oprah is made of money – which she grows on trees over on her mountain in Maui,  Oprah has had rare Chinese money trees imported to her mountain retreat in a spare no expensive move to insure her future prosperity – tried to guide her towards a more reasonable purchase. Oprah quietly insisted a couple of times, & when she didn’t get satisfaction, let it go walked out. Then she made some kind of a statement about the whole unhappy incident. Here’s what Lady O had to say about it:

“I had my little Donna Karan skirt and my little sandals and all that on, but obviously The Oprah Winfrey Show is not shown in Zurich. This doesn’t happen to me unless somebody obviously doesn’t know it was me.”

During her solo shopping trip, Winfrey asked the clerk to show her a luxury crocodile bag. “She says to me, ‘No. It’s too expensive.'” Winfrey asked to see it again, but the clerk once again denied her request, saying, “‘No, no, no. You don’t want to see that one. You want to see this one because that one will cost too much and you will not be able to afford that.'” Winfrey then said, “‘No, I really did want to see that one.’ And she refused to get it!”
The clerk proceeded to show Winfrey “these other little bags,” but the star was unimpressed with the other options. “One more time, I tried. I said, ‘But I really do just want to see that one.’ And she said, ‘Oh, I don’t want to hurt your feelings.’ I said, ‘Okay, thank you so much. You’re probably right. I can’t afford it.’ And I walked out of the store.”

 The clerk proceeded to show Winfrey “these other little bags,” but the star was unimpressed with the other options. “One more time, I tried. I said, ‘But I really do just want to see that one.’ And she said, ‘Oh, I don’t want to hurt your feelings.’ I said, ‘Okay, thank you so much. You’re probably right. I can’t afford it.’ And I walked out of the store.”

So that’s how you handle things when you’re Oprah. Now not everyone is so laid back about such things. Take Oprah’s best friend and confidant Gayle King. She thinks that Oprah should’ve flung the shit into the fan. By flinging shit Gayle seems to have had something like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman in mind. However that’s just not Oprah’s style, or as she said in reference to the incident – “I could have had the big blowup thing and thrown down the black card and all that stuff,” Winfrey said, “but why do that?”

Naturally with all this commentary the Trois Pomme spokespersons felt the need to add to it by getting their own side of the story out. For instance there are some questions as to why they would assume that a well dressed middle aged lady  couldn’t afford some of their merch and would have to be redirected to something more affordable. Now that is an old sales floor technique. The idea is that the more you tell some one they can’t afford something then the more determined they are to prove you wrong and pay for the privileged. Since salespersons are more interested in their commissions they usually let the customer have the point. So maybe the sales person was trying to close the Tommy Fong handbag deal with some extra motivation? Anyway and just to be clear they’ve made their “we didn’t mean anything by that & we were only trying to help” statement. In this case the statement is made by the very Swiss sounding Trudie Goetz, and it sounds something like this,  

“This is an absolute misunderstanding,” she tells Us Weekly in a statement. “Any sales person would love to sell a crocodile bag. She simply explained [to Oprah] that the bag she wanted to look at was beautiful but in a very high price range and suggested lower priced models in leather, ostrich and so forth.”

 
Goetz adds, “It was a misunderstanding. The staff member who welcomed Oprah is one of the hardest working and regularly deals with VIP clients. There was no discrimination.”


So it should be settled except that it’s gone even higher up the food chain. The Swiss Tourism Association is in on it. They’ve released their own statement to further clear the air. Says the STA, through their own spokesperson Daniela  Baer – 

“We are very sorry for what happened to her, of course, because we think all of our guests and clients should be treated respectfully, in a professional way,”

So that was a lot of press release. Good enough on a slow news day, & almost an international incident!  So the moral of the story is that when you see Oprah coming then you’d better make with the nice stuff. It’ll save many tiresome explanations somewhere down the road. BTW kudos to Oprah for taking things philosophically. Getting bent out of shape might show the common touch. Then we could’ve gotten some interesting youtube footage from numerous nearby iPhones. When you’re Oprah there’ll be other, better Tommy Fong’s. So you have to keep things in perspective, if not proportion!

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Kim Kardashian is still fat, & other news

 

Will Kim Kardashian reinvent herself as a Hollywood Mommy Blogger?

When ambitious reality TV tar Kim Kardashian started her career with her sex tape who ever would’ve guessed that she’d mature into a slightly overweight Hollywood mom. America watched maturity catch up with Kim during her pregnancy, as the tabloids featured and increasingly matronly looking Kardsahian in the increasing coverage. Increase was the key word since Kim blew up & even more out of proportion. If only the economy expanded like that!

Anyway Kim has delivered baby North West. However things haven’t gotten back to normal. Kim is still packing some of that excess baby weight. The problem is so bad that Kim s reluctant to show herself in public. She just doesn’t want you to see her that way, & perhaps hopes that you’ll always remember her as she was – the naked sex tape player with the big bum. So if this has kept Kim at home and out of trouble then we already have something to be grateful to baby North West for.To think many of you doubted the outcome when Kardashian announced she was pregnant. Maybe Kardashian will even reinvent herself and discover a new career as a Hollywood mommy blogger!

Will Justin Bieber & Selena Gomez ever reinvent themselves?

Now Kim’s weighty problems aren’t the only pressing entertainment issue. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are having some kind of a twitter tiff. Now the pair are officially broken up or something. However they can’t leave each other alone. Selena makes references to him in songs and interviews, or to her new best friend Taylor Swift. Bieber gets asked about her repeatedly. These days they’re best known for each other – so the ongoing entanglement is a kind of celebrity pit fall.

That’s leads up to their latest slightly annoying incident. Justy tweeted a picture of himself with some singer. Several hours later Selena tweeted, or perhaps Instagramed, and picture of her kissing some one else. Now they are both unattached young adults, so they are entitled to kiss anyone who’ll let them. Since they are both successful entertainers it’s actually kind of expected. Neither of them has taken vows of renunciation or entered Buddhist monasteries. Yet people are acting like this is yet one more chapter in their annoying teen drama. Basically they think that Selena is trying to make some point. Personally I won’t believe that until I hear her cover of “You’re So Vain”.

Now it’s easy to see this as another over hyped celebrity young romance. Like the Kristen Stewart Robert Pattinson pair up from a little while back. The speculation about Rob & Kris seemed to go on even longer than their Twilight franchise – if that were possibly. BTW be on the lookout for Twilight 7 – High School Reunion, already rumored to be int he works. Rob & Kris are already on broad for that, having eagerly signed on after reviewing other career options.

Like Rob & Kris this ongoing awkward break up maybe be symptomatic of deep issues. It may reflect the difficulty child stars face when transitioning to more adult images. They wander about in a kind of public relations limbo the way lost souls in Tibetan Buddhism wander through the bardo if they fail to reincarnate. The lost souls hurl through the either getting bigger, lighter, and faster, until they finally dissipate.

In this case the stars in question get locked into a decaying orbit. They spin round and round in the same pattern until they finally drop below the event horizon. There they wait, like departed spirits in purgatory, so some long shot chance at celebrity redemption. It might be a snowball’s chance in hell but as media expands to fill available attention (like Parkinson’s Law of Communications) more and more experienced performers are needed. So even the formerly famous can get called back into the game if there’s a project that really needs a player.

So where does that leave Justy & Selena? Well with no where left to go for one thing. So they keep performing the encore. If they follow the Rob & Kristy pattern then they will fade into obscurity through a series of low profile entertainment projects. That probably isn’t far away now. There is the possibly  that one or each of them may fluke into something good. Then they can ride out the credibility for a few years. Barring that unlikelihood you should only have to wait another few months, maybe three, to hear less of them. That is about the half life of fading celebrity.

Hollywood Chemistry

The soul’s wanderings through the after life may have strange parallels to the celebrity experiencing fame. It was Robert Pirsig who said that if you get too famous you go straight to hell. He said that after Robert Redford wanted to play him in a screen adaption of Zen & the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Only problem was that Rob didn’t want to use the book. He wanted a basically different script. He was afraid audiences wouldn’t be able to follow the complicate inner meanderings of a university chem prof as he cycles across America with a friend & young son who are basically taken along for the ride.

The movie might be more compelling if the chem prof was standing up against a corrupt government bureaucracy, perhaps in opposition to some environmental hazard. Oh yeah & there’d be some big multi national companies in it too! It would be one of those pieces where Redford  tries to come of idealistic by acting naive and well intentioned by stirring up trouble. The whole thing finally fell apart when Redford learned that the studio had really wanted Paul Newman to play the lead. So Pirsig said ‘fuck Hollywood’ in so many words. But by then he’d already written Lila as an anticipated sequel script. So think of the whole thing as Breaking Bad without the cancer & meth.

However you don’t have to take Bob Pirsig’s word for it – even if he is a rogue chem prof & that’s chic right now.You can’t take the time to aquatint yourself with some of the leading theories on the after life by watching the following video. It’s a special on Egypt’s Book Of The Dead – which is the original. It’s the usual book of the dead motif where souls wake up in a strange new world. They’re disorientated, like Dorthy after enter Oz through the world wind. Danger lurks around in the form of spectral beast waiting to pounce upon and devour he unwary. They are confronted by the mysterious rulers of the phantasmagoria who demand that they explain themselves or prove themselves worthy via trial and ordeal. Or maybe they bluff their way past with passwords and secret handshakes. Anyway the best part is that it only takes 90 mins to watch. Plus if you happen to be a celebrity there should be much for you to relate to with Egypt’s grateful dead.

If ego were god then fame would be living forever


One of the most signifiacnt differences between today’s celebrities and the ancient Egyptian dead is that Hollywood is perfecting the process of pre-mortem mummification in the form of plastic surgery. It’s a preservative method with surprisingly similar results.

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Blue Blood Saves Octopus From Freezing to Death

>>INSERT HEADLINE HERE<<

Cock n Bull Stories

People who are in to tabloids know what they like in a headline. It’s got to grab your attention by shocking you with a combination of words that don’t belong together inthe same sentence. It’s stuff like “Tom Cruise Is Real Life Hero for Stranded Motorist”, or “Bruce Springsteen’s rock n roll tips to a lasting marriage” – personally I’d rather get that from Ozzy Osborne,  and even “Shocking Weight Loss Sex Trick!”. That last one is so confusing that a reader can’t be sure whether the weight loss sex trick is something that involves electricity, like something with a cattle prod!

More electric sex tricks

Sometimes they get even farther out. That’s along the lines of the weirdo human interest stories. That could include stuff like “Ohio Mother Gets Shock of Her Life, Gives Birth to Her Own Twin!” (tabloid readers will know that it could be true based on some long shot freak technicality), “Recluse Leaves Room For 1st Time In 32 Years, to Claim Old Age Pension!”, and “Ukrainian Boy Born With Antlers!”.

Headlines, tail lights, tall tales and sorry sights!

Wonder Woman gets complicated!

So amateur tabloidists just dream of writing these screwed up “Organ Donor Receives His Own Liver In Transplant Mix Up!” headlines (At least it’s better than the one about the NFL player who’s admitted to surgery and woke up trans gendered!). There are just 2 problems. 1. How can you make this shit up unless your head gets some how twisted out of joint, say by either drugs, severe mind fucking, or perhaps blunt force head trauma? 2. The headlines have to be some how factual or at least technically true. You can’t report a story about a teen aged girl who compulsively eats her own face unless there is actually a girl out there with some condition that makes her gnaw away on her own face. Or the woman who gives birth to her own twin was one of those rare cases of parthenogenesis – like Hippolyta and her daughter Diana in Wonder Woman (& Diana & her daughter & so called ‘sister’ Donna Troy. There was a quirky genetic strain in that family so some wild stories got made up to cover it. Basically it’s Chinatown.)!

Hard to swallow, unless it’s a hot dog!

So the search is one for the elusive ‘man bites dog!’ (In the old days there was a newsroom saying that when a dog bites a man it’s not news, but when a man bites a dog it is. Nowadays they might well ask where the man bit the dog, and if the dog was some how famous!) headline. It’s kind of like being on American Picker and trying to find the Holy Grail in dumpsters, abandoned garages, and discarded cardboard boxes. Oh yeah and \when you find the Holy Grail it’s a vintage dime operated gumball machine filled with out of date Crackerjack prizes. It’s absurd enough even if you never get anywhere near the end of the rainbow.

If you knew sushi like I know sushi then something would smell fishy!

Freezing octopus ninja intervention? Calling Erin Esurance!

So when I read the following headline “Blue Blood Saves Octopus From Freezing to Death” I thought that I’d hit tabloid pay dirt. What could it mean? Had some eccentric English nobleman now developed a Troy McClure type of fiendish fish fetish, but with octopods? How exactly had he saved the octopus from freezing anyway. Was it something dramatic like retrieving the poor creature half dead from the freezer of a Japanese sushi bar after staging an intervention involving ninjas and martial arts? Everybody was kung fu fighting! Or maybe it was something more mundane, like he noticed the temp in the university aquarium was low after the fish became unusual lethargic. “So I was watching all these fish turn belly up and float to the surface when I said ‘Something’s wrong!’. Sure enough the thermostat was turned off. We got it fixed just in time to save the university’s prize exhibit, a rare species of south pacific octopi!” If there are noblemen in fish stories then it’s got to be good.

Help Stop the Scourge of Celebrity Breeding! It’s Worse Than You think!

Alas it turned out to be something completely different. The blue blood in question was not some slightly daffy aristocrat who, like Prince Charles, has taken up weirdo activism like saving the snail, celery breeding (not ‘celebrity breeding’ where rock stars and fashion models are held harnessed and bridled in special hidden Illuminati celebrity sex farms!. There hot actresses can be lead around like a thoroughbred and mounted by a specially selected male singers or athletes, whose combined traits will according to our best understanding of genetic theory, lead to the ultimate celebrity of tomorrow! For one thing such establishments do not exist outside the Oil Kingdoms of the mid east.), and in this case an interest in octopi! The blue blood was that which belonged to the octopus’ own veins. It seems that like Mr. Spock & Star Trek Vulcans, and octopus blood is not the colour it’s supposed to be. It has a different chemical composition that makes it blue instead of red. That somehow acts like anti freeze making the octopus cold resistant! So now that I tricked you into a “the least you need to know” since lesson – here’s the video on the story with a bit more detail filled in – enjoy!

Now here’s the official story!

Antarctic octopods are able to survive freezing weather, as low as -1 celsius, thanks to a blue pigment in its blood. But why? Researcher from the Alfred Wegener Institute for Polar and Marine Research in Germany studied how the pigment, hemocyanin, can keep octopods’ oxygen moving, despite the sub-zero temperatures.

How are the octopods (Pareledone charcoti) genetically different? And why? Kim Horcher and Cara Santa Maria discuss the blue blood.

Read more from Scientific American: http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/o…

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TAGS: Blue Blood, Octopus Blue Blood, Octopod Blue blood, Octopus, Hemocyanin, Octopus Hemocyanin, Science, Antarctic Science, Antarctic survival, sub-zero, subzero octopus, Sub-zero blood, Sub-zero survival, Evolution, Antarctic Evolution, Octopus evolution

PS. Now what makes the story relevant? Think cryogenics! That’s where a human being on the brink of death is rapidly frozen down to below zero – so they won’t spoil. They can then be kept preserved, like a Popsicle in the freezer, until science discovers a cure for the human condition! Religion let us down on that so science is our last chance!

Though cryogenics might seems like a good idea at the time there’s one hang up – once they get you cooled down they can’t heat you back up. That’s because the cell fluid crystallizes on freezing, and the crystal’s sharp angles puncture the cell wall. It causes ‘freezer burn’, and is a little like a rubber dingy springing a leak! Now they’ve tried a number of solutions like replacing body fluid with antifreeze, but no one is very optimistic about the outcome.  Skeptics even fear that such techniques might do more harm than good!

Now this is where the blue octopi pigment comes in. If you can find away to pump it into humans then you can freeze them and everything stays fluid! Just like the octopi in it’s sub zero habitat! You could theoretically freeze some one and thaw them out without killing them, provided you can come up with a way to use the blue pigment in people, and then work out the many technical problems involved. Still that’s what science is about! In other words it’s the Holy Grail of cryogenics! That’s relevant because in addition to offering the possibility of surviving death, cryogenics is part of the whole transhumansism movement that is very hot right now.

If you’d like to learn more about transhmuansism, as well as other weirdo freak topics, then  please head over to Your Occult Education & continue reading. After wading through the UFO’s & time travel you, should get to Aubrey de Grey about half way down the post and he’s the transhumanism guy.

As for tabloid headlining – from now on I’ll probably stick to stuff more in the spirit of modern tabloid writing like “What Ashton Kutcher did to become Steve Jobs, & how you can too!”

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