Robert Pattinson Spending Christmas with Kristen Stewart

Are Rob & Kristen back on? Well Rob is gonna be spending Christmas with Stewart in LA. Kristen has one other thing going of her – Rob’s family hates her (They blame her for cheating). You know how it adds to a gal’s appeal when mom doesn’t like her. Now & if only she can get Rob’s friends to turn on her they’ll be married up in no time flat! Hang in there Twilighters and keep the faith lol.

Perhaps they should’ve taken a leaf from the Book of Sandy before they go rushin’ into anything. Sandra Bullock used to be married to a guy called Jesse James. He not only had the name of an outlaw but was a bad boy biker with his own reality TV show. So what good girl could resist? Anyway thing blew apart horribly shortly after Bullock won her Oscar for blindsided.

Nowadays Sandra says she doesn’t think that she’s missing very much by being single. Besides she’s mom to a very young child – 3 going on 4, so she has lots to keep her busy. She’s still keeping an open  mind thought, with a noncommittal “we’ll see” response when asked about possible future romances.

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Nigela Lawson Drug User?

art & public relations

Charles Sattchi accuses estranged wife Tv chef Nigela LAwson of being a cocaine suer and prescription pill abuser after employees rip her off in credit card scam
dishy chef is alleged coke user

The other show has dropped int he Nigela Lawson divorce case. Nigela is the multimillionaire TV cook who as public choked out by her ex multimillionaire PR man Charles Saatchi. Charles made his money in public relations but is described as an art collector – that’s PR for you I guess.

sometimes when we touch…

Charles 70 was photographed grabbing his lovely wife, 53, by the throat while they were out at a restaurant together. That resulted in a lot of negative attention because you just can’t be choking women, or at least not in public anyway. After some scandal – both Lawson and Saatchi are connected so the whole thing even got mentioned in the House of Lords – a a little hesitation the pair split up.

the ganja gourmet?

Looks like the split might be starting to get ugly. Saatchi has now alleged that Lawson is a heavy duty coke users, in addition to marijuana and abusing prescription pills. He even has implied that might have been what the ‘playful public tiff’, to use his words, was about when he grabbed Lawson by the throat. According to Saatchi, Lawson and her daughter were ‘off their heads’ on coke and other substances most of the time. Problem was that they had these employees – the Grillo sisters, who allegedly took advantage of the situation. There’s a lot of ‘allegedly’ in this story.

what do King Kong & Kung Fu have in common?

Now what Saatchi maintains is that the Grillo’s went to town with Lawson’s money. They wrote a lot of big checks and ran some heavy credit card bills, but Lawson was stoned off of her gourd and couldn’t keep on top of things. Since this stemmed from her own illegal drug use she might not have been in a position to push the case legally. So she got taken for a ride. Now it’s becoming a drug abuse credit card fraud issue. The moral of the story? Don’t pick a fight with a PR man! That’s like taking on a black belt King Kong!

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Gwyneth Paltrow’s Wardrobe Oops

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Joan Rivers Defends Alec Baldwin

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Alessandra Ambrosio Candid

picture courtesy of celebslam

 CS also has some daily linkage, including to a Kanye story!

 + Tito Ortiz releases Jenna Jameson spy cam footage [Drunken Stepfather]

+ Angelina Jolie pokies [TaxiDriverMovie]
+ Nymphomaniac trailer features blowjobs and spittakes [The Blemish]
+ Guy Fieri dubbed over is . . . disturbing [Guyism]
+ The 5 best performances from the UK Twerking Championships [Brobible]

+ Zappos > Kanye West [Socialite Life]
+ What a hot piece of ass [Evil Beet]
+ LeAnn Rimes/Brandi Glanville feud just got real [Cele|bitchy]
+ Jon Hamm doesn’t get Miley Cyrus [I’m Not Obsessed]


Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

Sean Penn Explodes!

in a bad mad world be eerily cheery!

Interpersonal relation seminars are popular.  This is partly because they offer useful tips on how to manage conflict, among other things. One technique I heard of involves using popular music to shift the emotional balance in a conflict – often as a ‘surprise attack’ tactic.

For instance say your boss is chewing you out good. Usually you have two options: 1. stand there and take it while saying “yes sir” or, 2. stand your ground and stick up for yourself. Now anyone who has ever been in this situation knows that picking between these sad options is like trying to choose the lesser of two evils. NLP type interpersonal relations strategy says that there is a third option. In this case just start whistling the theme from Friends. It’s a popular and familiar, so it works on an almost subconscious level. Plus it sets up for the punch line. When enraged boss asks what the fuck you’re doing standing there whistling cheerily while he’s having a major conniption just for you, you quietly say in a sing songy way – “So no one told you life was gonna be this way”. Now that will either get you credit for finessing a tough situation, or get you fired and possibly punched out on the spot! If boss then asks you to repeat “I’m not a pheasant plucker I’m a pheasant plucker’s mate” five times fast then you know he’s been to the same seminar!

better uselessly helpful than helplessly useful?

Now such techniques may sound more useless than helpful but they might have come in handy recently when actor Sean Penn exploded, as has been reported on TMZ’s website! Now I should be clear about what exploded means in this case. Sean didn’t actually literally burst into flames in some unexplained case of spontaneous human combustion. That would’ve meant the loss of a world class actor!

conspiracy theory disclaimer

It’s important to make that clear. For one thing many actors are rumored to be MK Ultra mind control victims. That means that they’ve had hi level “programming” done to them. It’s their price of initiation – according to conspiracy theorists – into the Illuminati controlled entertainment business! MK Ultra was originally CIA sponsored, & with military applications. Since many of the more volatile actors are rumoured to have it, I didn’t want any one thinking that Sean’s programming had gone haywire and he literally blew up after a few wires got crossed – like in the Charles Bronson movie Telephon. This explosion was much more figurative though no less fiery.

the scene of the crime

Sean was at the swanky Saint Regis Hotel Bar in San Francisco. Sean was out enjoying himself when some fan comes up and with a cell phone and asks for a picture or something. Sean tells the fan to kindly fuck off. Then he threatens to make the fan eat the phone. After that he became completely enraged and asked to see the manager!

Madonna used to bring out the Rambo in Penn

Now you have to cut Sean some slack. He’s had bad experiences with paparazzi ever since his Madonna days. Back then they used to swarm around the sexy power couple like moths around a flame. Sean was very possessive of his glamorous wife and didn’t like prying shutter bugs flitting around trying to get pix. So he would occasionally go Rambo on them. So maybe he has developed some Pavlovian conditioned response to being photoed?

Doth music have charms?

The thing is that this whole situation might have been avoided had the poor fan simply started whistling the theme from Friends. When Sean finally becomes perplexed enough to ask “What the fuck are you whistling?” the fan could then start softly and quietly singing “So no one told you life was gonna be this way – do do do do do!” Sean then would’ve either gotten the joke and laughed along like a good sport, or completely beaten the fuck out of the poor unfortunate. Either way it would’ve made a way more interesting video! Now here’s the clip from TMZ!

PS. I can say that there is absolutely no truth to the story that Sean was set off after the fan asked “Hey Penn, how’s Teller?”, as far as I know. You can see how that might get a little irritating though.

Coming Soon to Wondertrash! Angelina Jolie tapped to play Hot Lips in MASH remake. No not really – that was complete bullshit. Angelina ain’t playing Hot Lips. But what if she did? Think about it. Now here’s some legit linkage via EvilBeet

Adam Levine’s fiancée thinks this whole “Sexiest Man” thing is hilarious [ICYDK]
Andrew Garfield wants to have a baby with Emma Stone, apparently [Amy Grindhouse]
Oh dear, Sean Penn is going all Alec Baldwin on us [Lainey Gossip]
Even walking to the car is a spectacle for Kim Kardashian [The Superficial]
Joanna Krupa says Brandi Glanville is jealous of her [Celebitchy]

Will there ever be another couple like Brangelina? Probably not [theBERRY]

Not sure about that dress, Miranda Kerr [Moe Jackson]
Kate Middleton wore the same outfit twice – she’s just like us! [Celebslam]
Oprah Winfrey got a special honour from the president [The Frisky]
So… Harry Styles and Kendall Jenner are sleeping together [Fishwrapper]
What do we think of Fergie’s “fashion choices”? [I’m Not Obsessed]

Amy Markham is having bikini issues [IDYLITW]
Ian Somerhalder is getting his own comic book made [Socialite Life]
Surprise! Kim and Kanye’s wedding will be televised! [Amy Grindhouse]
I think I’m coming around to Jennifer Lawrence’s haircut [Bohomoth]
Can we seriously not get Britney Spears a better weave? [Lainey Gossip]

Channing Tatum tried to do Jean Claude Van Damme’s epic split [The Superficial]
Would you watch a Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson buddy comedy? [Celebitchy]

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Bogus Psychic

For a year when Megan Fox was about 8 she thought that she was Dorthy from The Wizard of Oz. She wore red shoes, and became totally possessed by the film – watching it over and over again. Then her family sent her to Bible Camp and she snapped out of it. Eventually she went on to become a famous actress. Now Wizard of Oz and bible Camp might not have been the route that would send you and I into shoe business. It might’ve been more likely to send us into the loony bin. Then again you and I aren’t celebrities. They’re not like us. They’re a little different.

Famous TV Psychos – You asked for it

Take TV psychic Sylvia Brown. She died recently. She predicted that she would live to be 88. She was 77. So we know that in addition to being a famous TV psycho psychic she was also an optimist! Now that the poor woman has passed on among the dearly departed with whom she communicates, allegedly, for so many years one of the things that people look back on was her habit of antagonizing  questioners. By antagonizing I mean that she would occasionally tell people that their missing relatives were dead. When the missing relatives later turned up alive it looked so bad for her. On other occasions she would tell giving relatives to hang in there, only to have bad news follow shortly. So she just couldn’t win. Now being wrong doesn’t make you a bad person, but it doesn’t make you much of a psychic either.

know your role?

Sylvia might have been better off introducing late night cable spook shows like Elvira Mistress of the Dark, instead of trying to help people find out where mom or dad hid the loot before they died. Perhaps that’s what made her a daytime TV staple for a while. Now daytime TV ain’t what it used to be. For one thing Oprah Winfrey has retired. The void has been filled by estrogen fueled caffeine enriched bitchfests like The View and The Talk. Back in the day thought they were as common place as Kardashians with reality TV shows.

let Phil show you the world

A brief history of chat shows: It started with Phil Donahue. He made daytime TV respectable by introducing American housewives to Noam Chomsky, and never losing faith in Teddy Kennedy’s ability to be president. Desperate housewives may not have been sure what to make of Prof Chomsky. Perhaps few do. Phil did even out the deck with actors, authors, and topical interest stuff. He was kinda good looking too so he did well with female audiences. Well enough to get 18 daytime Emmy’s!

TV Talk Titans!

So everyone thought that Phil owned daytime. He was unassailable. Until Oprah came along. She started in the same Chicago market and went into direct competition. People back then gave her maybe 6 months. When she beat out Phil to become the reigning titan of talk people figured it was an open market with money to be made. So the rush was on. That lead to Sally Jesse Raphael, Morton Downey jr, Gerarldo Rivera – who was attacked by skinheads live on his show! – & Montel Williams.

“Lay it on me, sister!”

Now Sylvia Brown was a semi regular on Montel’s show. That’s where she had some of her most memorable moments. Like this scene where she tells a female audience member she’s illegitimate. The woman reveals that when her mother passed she had been trying to say something but was too sick to speak properly. It seemed important so now her daughter wanted to know what her mother had been trying to tell her. That’s where Sylvia comes into the picture!

at the risk of being facetious

At the risk of being facetious, Sylvia didn’t mince words! Now who knows why she would occasionally pull these stunts. Maybe she was prone to periodic fits of bitchiness? Who hasn’t felt an surge of malice while some one is staring doe eyed and slack jawed while waiting for an answer to a question that they should’ve known better than to ask? You get impatient. Besides I’m told that we all like to fuck with others’ heads. It’s part of the fun of life, and you can’t spell “fun” without “F U”. Just like “fuck”. Approaching life with an attitude of playful strategy and lively cunning is what helps keep us young and vicious at heart, in addition to making us unbearably obnoxious. However judging by the poor woman’s reaction it seems that fun is a relative thing – “was it as good for you as it was for me?” Still keep it in perspective, since we’ve outlawed animal cruelty we have to take it out somewhere. While we’re in perspective lets keep it in proportion too – if you must fuck, then make it in fun.

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