Avril Lavigne is Spreading Earwoms With Hello Kitty

Ka ka ka kawaii!

 Avril Lavigne has a new video out and as you may have heard it’s Hello Kitty themed. It’s a bright colourful video full of Hello Kitty imagery with light pinks & blues. The only question is whether the tune is catchy enough. Now be warned – it’s highly contagious. Some paranoids types are even spreading rumours that the song was written by MK Ultra agents for the Rand corp, & is intended to be used soon in interrogation, to break down unusually resistant subjects. You know, the way Homeland Security plays Metallica to terror suspects in order to break their will. That is unless they use Red Hot Chili Peppers to annoy suspects into submission. Anyway let’s have a look ‘n’ listen to Avril in her new video posted blow.

3 1/2 minutes with Avril Lavigne and you’ll never be the same again!

 It’s so catchy it’s practically contagious! In fact you could be digging the earworms out of your head for days after listening to it just once! In fact it can even cause some side effects. Now nothing like the time some woman started having seizures while listening to Mary Hart’s voice on Entertainment Tonight. That was a tragic cause. Once word got out, rowdy neighborhood teenagers began driving back in forth inf front of her house with Mary Hart’s voice on a boom box. trying to trigger an epileptic fit on the poor woman. People really can be that bad. This is much milder, but it’s an effect that can be very annoying in it’s own right! Just let the following tumblr meme illustrate!

Avril Lavigne is spreading earworms faster than you can say ka ka ka kawaii with her catchy new Hello Kitty video
Avril Lavigne is spreading earworms faster than you can say ka ka ka kawaii with her catchy new Hello Kitty video
Avril Lavigne is spreading earworms faster than you can say ka ka ka kawaii with her catchy new Hello Kitty video
Avril Lavigne is spreading earworms faster than you can say ka ka ka kawaii with her catchy new Hello Kitty video
Avril Lavigne is spreading earworms faster than you can say ka ka ka kawaii with her catchy new Hello Kitty video
Don’t let this happen to you! Of course with a VCR, 80’s touch tone phone, and other primitive 20th century tech, the poor woman was prob beyond help anyway! Perhaps she recently awoke from a coma, and it was only a matter of time until some kind of culture shock got to her.

I just heard this, & it sounds crazy… Ka ka ka kawaii!

 Ka ka ka-kawaii! You can say that again! In fact you might not have any choice, but wind up blurting it out unintentionally over the next few days. Just like the poor woman in the video. She’s turns on her TV, all unawares – which is the usual way TV gets turned on. Suddenly there’s Avril Lavigne singing her uber catchy new tune. The woman stares blankly at the TV screen, as though subjected to some Clockwork Orange style MK Ultra mental reprogramming. Then n the phone rings. The woman picks up the phone and unsuspectingly starts spouting gibberish. 
 Actually it’s not gibberish. Kawaii is Japanese for “cute”. Cute it is too. However it might not seem so cute when you unintentional blurt to some casual acquaintance “Hello Kitty, you’re so silly”, and then they look at you like you’re having a stroke! You’ll blush and try to explain yourself. Of course that never works, not even in the movies. Desperate awkward explanations only make a person seem even more at fault! People will go around behind your back and accuse you of being into Hello Kitty. If you’re a 30 year old office worker, or even in hi school, this could create serious blow back. People will greet you in the morning with “Hello Kitty”. They’ll ask if you’re into pokemon or digimon, and ask what life’s like in your mom’s basement. 
 In other words your friends and co workers will take the opportunity to humiliate the shit out of you! Your only chance at redemption will come when they start spouting Hello Kitty type phrases too! That they almost certainly will do, since once you go through your painful explanation of why you’re babbling about Hello Kitty and greeting people with Ka ka ka kawaii – “oh it’s that damned Avril Lavigne and her new video! I only watched it once and now I’m infected! Like a Resident Evil zombie full of T cells.  If you see Milla Jovovich in a catsuit lurking near by then she’s stalking me!” – they’re bound to pay more attention when they see the video for themselves. Then they’ll start spouting gibberish, and you can say “I told you so!”

 So if you’re gonna watch this video or listen to this song more than once go ahead, but be warned. Also take some precautions. Fill your head with other catch phrases to water down the effect. Try singing “I’m like a bird…” at random, or tell folks “Hasta La Vista, baby” when saying goodbye. Enlist the help of a friend. Your can back & forth in catch phrase to each other, like “Where’s the beef?”, “I dunno, but don’t have a cow, man!” This way you’ll reinforce the effect of competing catch phrase, and so lessen the Lavigne effect! In an extreme emergency you can start singing Carly Rae Jepsen’s Call Me Maybe. Only do that as a last resort! Call Me Maybe will blast anything out, but will it’s self get stuck up there for awhile, until some annoying commercial jingle nudges it loose!

 By pitting competing earworms against each other you’ll gain some time. Then and eventually everyone will start spouting Hello Kitty phrases. They’ll have no choice but to “own it”. That’s the point where office sales execs great each other at the elevator with Hi 5’s and boisterous shouts of “Ka ka ka kawaii!”. “Hello Kitty you’re so silly” will wind up on T Shirts. These phrase may even become popular phrase, like “Smell ya later”, which has yet to replace good bye. Then your disgrace is hid by being blended in with the crowd. Eventually the whole horrible thing will burn it’s self o0ut – as everything catchy eventually does. Then we only have to worry about the next unbearably cute catchy song or phrase to come along.

 Speaking of annoying catchy fads here are a list of some, and put to music.  Whether the song is as catchy as Avril or Carly Rae is for you to decide, but it is sung by our old friends Homer & Marge Simpson!


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