Let’s give them something to talk about

Bullock adopts baby

When scandal strikes a celebrity the resulting media frenzy is usually unavoidable. When stars spin into damage control mode it’s often like swallowing the spider to catch the fly. Like when Tom Cruise tried to prove that he wasn’t gay by jumping off of Oprah Winfrey’s couch in front of a live studio audience. “There you see! Would a gay guy do that?” He moved from an object of speculation to a joke before his feet touched the carpet. Mel Gibson didn’t improve his image as a drunken, temperamental bigot by knocking up a Russian pianist. He did mess up his 29 year marriage.

When bombshells explode

So when Sandra Bullock’s marriage exploded in a maelstrom of hookers, tattoos, and Hitler memorabilia shortly (8 days – there’s a movie script int here. You call the film 8 Days and it follows an actress/actor from her Oscar win to the end of her life as she knew it) after her Oscar win, she had limited options. She could make a brief statement and move on, like David Letterman. She could go into hiding until this whole thing blows over like Chris Bale did after his rant hit youtube, or as Russell Crowe frequently does when his temper acts up. Or she could take a leaf from the Book of Law!

Hey Jude

Jude Law got into a minor skirmish with a pap gal while coming out of a London club at 3 AM a while back. The media thought that they smelled blood because smacking a bitch just ain’t kosher. Chris Brown and Rihanna were still on folks minds. The chick claimed that she was gonna sue and the story kept growing. Jude probably thought that he was gonna be the next Hugh Grant. Then a chick he casually knew back in the states claimed he knocked her up and that’s all anyone could talk about – case closed.

Where’s Sandy?

Sandra tried keeping a low profile, She even ordered Jesse into a special hi security rehab facility, to make sure that he didn’t make matters worse. However the story was developing a life of it’s own. More women were coming out of the wood work by the week, and they were too dang interesting to leave alone. Only Tiger Woods entry into the Masters provided Sandy with a brief respite. So it was time for plan 2 & 3.

Unto you a son is given – It’s a wonderful life

Sandy has unveiled plan 2 & 3 on the cover of People. She has adopted a baby from New Orleans. So she gets props for doing something about that dreadful post flood situation (it’s the thought that counts – whatever she might have been thinking). The child is called Louis Bardo Bullock. Sandy explains that when she first clapped eyes on the tot Louis Armstrong’s It’s A Wonderful World was playing. Now this sort of thing worked for Eric Dane after his ‘sex’ tape, though he didn’t throw in the musical reference.

What a coincidence, parenthetically speaking

She also gave some explanations. She said that she began the adoption process 3 months before the Academy Awards, but didn’t want to tell anyone. She wanted me time with the tyke. Understandable because with all of her pre Oscar preparations her time would’ve been severely limited. Besides if she’d announced it pre Oscar it would’ve been seen as a cynical attempt to sway the Academy through publicity, rather than a cynical attempt to salvage her image. She also announced that she’s filed for divorce and will be raising her beautiful new baby as a single mom.

The woman who has everything is finding it a bit too much

Now people love babies. So this should give everyone something else to talk about. It will even give them something positive to say about Sandy! So the bases have been covered. However dragging a baby into the middle of this mess is questionable. Maybe she should’ve opted for something less extreme, like a fabulous new Summer hairstyle! Then again if Sandy was capable of being less extreme then she wouldn’t be a celebrity, and Sandy is so much of a celebrity that she’s gotten awards for it! BTW Sandy the Razzie people still want that statue back.

Sandra Bullock adopts

Louis, Louis

Thought Sandy is wearing her broadest smile the child looks a bit doubtful. Oh yeah and the Sandra Bullock sex tape is still not happening.

wondertrash

Elton John considering adoption

wondertrash
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