Andy still a dick

Even Gloria Allred wouldn’t touch this!

I’d say that Andy Dick is still fighting his demons except that these days his demons are probably ashamed to be seen with him. That doesn’t mean that Andy is ashamed to show his face out in public, and his his usual condition too; drunk and disorderly! Seems that Andy was out and about down in Temecula, CA. That’s ’cause fashionable LA establishments won’t let him on their premises. Anyway Andy was enjoying himself in a local restaurant when he got a little too high spirited. That’s a polite euphemism for got drunk out of his mind and made a fool of himself.

everyday is a reality TV episode

Now there’s no word yet on what sort of tomfoolery Andy was involved in (I’m assuming that it was more than a nipple slip), but it did result in the usual visit from the cops. Andy got charged with a misdemeanor charge of disorderly conduct with alcohol. Then he was escorted off the premises and to the nearest drunk tank. It must be reassuring to know that there are some establishments that still welcome him; even if it’s only into the Lindsay Lohan suite. Anyway Andy got some time to sober up and enjoy some complimentary jail house hamburgers before paying his $500 fine and being released. So he is once again free to pursue his new career as a public nuisance! Oh yeah, and he also got this nifty mugshot as a little memento!

https://i2.wp.com/dlisted.com/files/andydickmugshot.jpg

Uploaded with ImageShack.us

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Gary Collins goes rogue

Gary Collins is in a whole heap of trouble. For those who don’t know who Collins is he’s a former morning show host and a celebrity drunk. These days he’s much better known as a celebrity drunk. Every so often Mr. Collins likes to get liquored up and get behind the wheel. Mr. Collin’s publicists might debate that. The court’s wouldn’t. Gary has had a few vehicohol related arrests, including a recent one.

Collins was supposed to show up in court on Nov 4rth regarding his most recent infraction. However for some unknown reason Collins was a no show. So the judge got mad and issued a $100 000 warrant for the rogue celebrity’s arrest. The judge is taking this so seriously not only because Collins is showing a Lindsay Lohan style disregard for the law, but also because he is a two time offender. In his most recent vehicular mishap, down in Mississippi, one of the passengers in the car he hit swears that GC was boozed up behind the wheel. Of course Collins got off on a hit and run charge for that.

The sad part is that Collins was due in court for a probation hearing. Had he shown up the judge probably would have terminated the probation. Now Gary is looking at tons of trouble and possibly jail time.

In other news a heavily pregnant Miranda Kerr was seen out and about showing off her baby bump. The bump is getting obvious however most of Miranda’s weight gain seems to be in and around her valuable face, which has swollen up like a volleyball. Just take a look at these shocking pictures!


Whether or not Miranda might be described as “radiant“, she has surely looked happier.

If you’re like most celebrities then you can be a little flighty. That might incline you to misplace things; like your cell phone full of incriminating text messages, your lap top with that home made sex tape in it, or that drug stash that you didn’t think was still in your purse when the cops pulled you over. Khloe Karadashian has lost stuff to. In her case it was her virginity, and she spoke about that at length on the View recently. Here’s what she had to say:

‘He was only I think, 18, but from 14 to 18 now looking back, I think that’s not a normal thing. I feel like I was almost conned; well, not conned, but persuaded. He was older and I felt I wouldn’t be accepted or cool or whatever. Then I do remember when I was done, I felt, after two months of secretly dating this guy, I felt so disgusted with myself.’ Adding, ‘I stopped talking to him and actually didn’t have sex for three years after that because I knew I was young and I knew I wasn’t ready.’

Bristol Palin couldn’t have put it as well.

Finally we end where we began, with celebrity drunks. If you’re a regular gossip follow then you heard about David Cassidy’s run in with the law. He got caught down on the Florida turnpike weaving all over the road. When some friendly officers stopped him and asked if anything was wrong, he replied that he was tired, was coming from a funeral, had taken a glass of wine and a pain killer for his back, etc. Law enforcement officers saw right through his numerous excuses to the half empty bottle of bourbon rolling around the back seat and placed yesteryear’s version of Justin Bieber under arrest for impaired driving.

Even though the cops had him on dash cam, the actor maintained that he was not drunk. He made a public statement saying that he would never endanger the lives of his fans, and the some what indifferent greater public, by driving around the turnpike juiced up like a rogue torpedo shot from a loose cannon. His spokes persons then made some official statements standing by the funeral-back-wine-pill-missed yoga story.

Well Keith Partridge has made it official. His attorney has just recently submitted his not guilty plea to a Florida court, and in writing no less. Dave was not present at the hearing. If he gets busted on this he’s looking at a $1000 fine and as much as 6 months in prison – though some kind of rehab is far more likely. Rehab is the new community service. Also he really should seek some psycho therapy to get closure on his Susan Dey hang up. If Dexter Morgan can marry Deb you’re in the clear Keith.

BTW I cannot confirm the rumor that Gary Collins is currently in Canada and seeking refugee status – but don’t be surprised if it’s true.

wondertrash

Lindsay Lohan: On the Bubble, Again

repeat offender

What in the fuck is wrong with Lindsay Lohan?” That’s what the celebrity gossip world is asking after the young actress flunked yet another court mandated drug test. Since last night’s wondertrash post, the exact substance of concern has been made known and it is none other than cocaine. Lindsay herself admitted this via Twitter. She made a brief 140 character statement owning up to her latest misdeed. In addition to admitting that she was on coke, she also owned up to having a problem. Now that’s not saying much; and admitting the obvious may merely be an attempt to preserve some credibility after all other options have been exhausted.

A little Michael Lohan goes a long way

That brings us back to the question of Lindsay’s problem. Her father Michael, as usual, has an opinion. He claims that if he’d been in her life after her release from jail/rehab, none of this ever would have happened. That raises another good question; ‘where the hell was he?‘ not only post release, but in the half dozen or so years previous. The short answer to that is in and out of jail on various charges from fraud to assault. On second thought less of Michael Lohan might be better than more.

go to your room!

There’s also the opinion that since the courts have been notoriously easy on Lindsay, she’s got no motivation to straighten out. These DUI related charges have been getting recycled through the legal system for years now – ever since Lindsay first started going off the rails circa 2007. Back then she smashed up several luxury sedans and pricey cars – 3 in a matter of months – before finally getting nailed. That got dismissed pending her completion of some court ordered self help work. Lindsay either did the minimum required, or skipped completely, so that she was required to appear before court again and again, for more stern talking to’s. No matter how many times she was told to go and think about what she’d done, she never got around to changing her ways.

a bad case of celebrity personality disorder?

Finally there’s the expert opinion, from celebrity observer Will Lee. In discussion with ABC News he hits on something that wondertrash regulars will have known all along. Let’s call it the obvious. According to Mr. Lee, Lindsay problem is that she’s an actress, and they’re a fucked up breed. Worse for Lohan she’s been an actress since childhood (which is better at least than being born one like poor Drew Barrymore). That’s a serious condition, similar to Cameron Douglas style pre adolescent drug addiction. In other words she became conditioned to a life of play acting and make believe.

blame Hollywood

Added to the general lose of touch with reality is the Follywood milieu which not only supports but encourages a high degree of immaturity. As Mr Lee calls it ” A perpetual summer camp without adult supervision”. Follywood denizens are encouraged to live the dreams and take it to the limit, as far as their hearts desire. So the town ain’t in the business of telling people “no”. Here’s Mr Lee to describe the situation in his own words:

http://www.youtube.com/get_player
next role – Jerri Blank!

Mr. Lee seems to be a very articulate and insightful gentleman (he must be a wondertrash reader!). He covers the essential points too: errant father, enabling mother, lax legal system, Follywood lifestyle. So the simple answer is that there’s no simple answer to Ms Lohan’s woes. Or at least no one answer. It is safe to say that we will be hearing more from her, at least on Twitter if not in a professional capacity!

Starbucks once again safe for the beautiful people!

Speaking of outrages against justice, remember that chick who got doused with acid outside a Vancouver Washington Starbucks? To refresh your memory she was the one who said that a black woman did it. That incident provoked an outpouring of sympathy, and no shortage of racists comments on youtube. It turns out that the whole thing was a hoax. No the woman’s face really was damaged with acid, however there was no black woman involved. It turns out that she did it to herself! What could have been her motivation? Here now are some of the usual professional commentators to speculate on the motive to her madness.

http://www.viddler.com/player/957dc5f7/

A black person did it!” White folks always fall for that line. BTW regarding the many spelling, grammatical, and syntactical errors on this blog – black computer hackers. A whole gang of them! It’s a pack of Steve Urkels abusing their computer skills to mess up my blog and undermine my credibility!

wondertrash

stuck in gear

More woman trouble with Larry King, though it should be said that this isn’t really his woman, or even his troubles. One of Larry’s numerous ex’s, Julia Alexander King (hanging onto the ex’s moniker can really be helpful in LA – especially when the ex’s retain a piece of the action and consequently a place on the pecking order) was out, about, and in very hi spirits on the past 4rth of July. Her spirits were so high that as she made her way back home to New York from and event in New Jersey her car had trouble maintaining contact with the road. As one witness said – ‘her car was swerving all over the place’. Eventually things took a turn for the worse.

Julia managed to make it all the way over to the center lane, and eventually head on into an on coming car carrying a family of 4. Everyone was injured. 2 people in the oncoming car were seriously injured. The jaws of life had to be used to extract them. Also no arrests were made at the scene – but investigators are looking into it. Why jump to conclusions? Julia wasn’t necessarily drunk or stoned. Maybe she just graduated from the Lindsay Lohan Driving Academy. If she was driving a Toyota or Honda she might even have grounds for a sudden acceleration suit. No word on whether corny lady driver jokes are making a come back.

Speaking of sudden acceleration, that’s what happened to actress Emma Thompson’s mouth recently. Thompson has had a hot week what with getting her new star on the walk of fame. She posed for that in front of the Pig & Whistle pub while holding a piglet. There’s really no life like show business. Anyway Thompson has been busy hyping up her new My Fair Lady pic. It was supposed to star Kiera Knightly based on her being the most Audrey Hepburnish of modern actresses. Except that Kiera has bailed. Must be another Pirates of the Caribbean in the works, ’cause I know that she ain’t making a sequel to Domino.

Well that left Thompson scrambling around for a plausible leading lady before her project started to come apart (That can happen fast in the glamorous world of movie making. Even established A list directors can have a pet project either stalled for years, or suddenly get canceled while it’s in preproduction!). She’s talking with Carey Mulligan – who something might just be Hepburnish enough – but it ain’t a done deal. That leaves Thompson asking “Who needs Audrey Hepburn to remake MFL?” At least that’s what she asked right out loud in a couple of interviews with The Hollywood Reporter and Variety.

When asked about the project and about Hepburn. Thompson replied that she thought that Hepburn was over rated. In fact she went on to describe her as window dressing. She went o to say that she thought Hepburn was sweet in a dumb, childlike way, but almost irritatingly so. She even used the Brit term ‘twee’ to describe the late Oscar winning actress. The closest American equivalent to twee might be ‘simp’, or ‘simpering’.

Now maybe Thompson thought that she was doing herself some kind of favor. Down playing Audrey Hepburn might be a way of increasing the credibility of her Audreyless project. However there was one flaw. Hepburn is a beloved Hollywood icon. She has the kind of legendary status that today’s performers only dreaming of getting. She’s also still got enough fans to get outraged. So now some blow back is slowly building in Ms Thompson’s direction. No word as yet on whether her reps are saying that she was taken out of context, but I’m sure we’ll hear something as her new Nanny McPhee movie is about to be released.

Emma Thompson shoots off mouth and calls Audrey Hepburn a simpleton

wondertrash

Celebrity Fuckery

It’s been a busy time for celebs. For one thing Chelsea Clinton has gotten , or is getting, married or something. That’s the event President Barack Obama wasn’t invited to – according to the President on the View.

Now it never hurts to suck up to the boss, even if you’re a Hilary Clinton caliber bitch. Besides it couldn’t hurt to have another Nobel Prize winner at the festivities – assuming that disgraced environmentalist Al Gore was invited. Maybe the Prez’ RSVP got lost in the mail or something. Anyhow the main thing is that l’il Chelsea has the guts to go through with this, and not let her parents loveless arrangement, or her father’s sleazy shenanigans (I hear that Big Bill is desperate for an introduction to Oksana Grigorieva. He might have heard that she’s a manipulative gold digging whore, but when Bill hears blow job everything else gets blocked out!) sour her on the institution of marriage. You have to admire that kind of crazy optimism!

The full Monty

Speaking of crazy sex shenanigans, that brings us to CSI star Lawrence Fishburne. Now it’s not Larry that’s gotten into sex related scandal, though working along side the latex clad Carrie Ann Moss in 3 Matrix films would pout a strain on any man. His daughter Montana has decided to break into show business by way of pornography. Now that might sound like the back door into the business, and in more ways than one, but young Montana (Larry was originally gonna call the girl Karma Amethyst Fishburne but wasn’t famous enough for an outlandish celebrity offspring name at the time.) claims she knows what she’s doing. Monty says that she’s been a close observer of Kim Kardashian and couldn’t help noticing that KK’s sex tape was a career breakthrough! Look for Monty’s sex video to be released this very month!

Celebrity Zombies & Hollywood Undead

janice dickinson loves her body enough to want it to be the best looking corpse on the planet - no kidding, unless she's kiddingFrom the ridiculous to the obscene: former supermodel and current rehabbing bitch Janice Dickinson claims that she loves her body. Now that sounds like a tall tale (or a creepy adult film) since most people would be hard pressed to find anything lovable about Dickinson’s weather beaten, booze pickled, plasticized body these days. In fact it would be hard to find much even vaguely human about it.

Dickinson says, however, that she’s put in too much work and invested too much money to be indifferent to it. She’s had enough botox injected into her to blight proof crops in the entire 3 world. Plus she’s had a lot of drastic plastic surgery. Her mouth keeps varying in size and shape each time she’s photographed. In fact when you look at her photographs together they come off a little like one of those police Identikits where the features can be randomly changed.

However Dix attachment to her bod goes deeper then time and money wasted. She confesses that there’s an obsessive compulsive element to it to. For instance she’s going beyond plastic surgery and into flaky New Age techniques like yoga and meditation. Says Ms Dickie: ‘I have to make sure I exercise and that the ingredients that go into my body are completely organic.
‘I relax, meditate and do 80 minutes of yoga every day. I hike and make sure everything I eat is organic. I eat steamed fish, chicken and turkey, plus salads, carrot juice and supplements.’

Besides, Dickie has a goal in mind. As to what possesses her to go through the grim ordeal of age defying, Dickie replies: “I’m going to be the best looking corpse on the planet!’ If that’s the plan then she can relax. Some of us think that she already is. Well she’s got the corpse thing down anyway!

wondertrash

Mel Gibson Hate Tape Released

The Mel Gibson hate tape where he flips out on gal pal Oksana Grigorieva has finally been released, & here it is:

Lethal Weapon’s mouth is fully loaded!

mel gibson hate tape releasedNow that was quite a mouthful! Mel goes on at length about foreign bodies, fake titties, Vegas style sluttishness, some green thing she wore, etc. If he was embarrassed before then I can’t imagine how he feels now. In fact it’s gotten so bad that his long time management William Morris has dropped him. At least he did say that he would take care of his child, but that’s about the only thing you can say in his defense. Basically Mel is disgraced, his image is riuned, and his career is now officially over!

 mel gibson mistress polish porn star Violet Kowol claims that gibson likes chain smoking during sex but hates condomsThis comes as no surprise to another Mel Gibson mistress, Polish porn star Violet Kowal. She say Mel during the final days of his marriage to ex wife Robyn, and then again a couple of years later while Oksana was pregnant. She claims she was always uneasy around Gibson. For one thing his threats scared her. For another he was vehemently anti condom. I guess no one is gonna put a silencer on Mel’s lethal weapon without some strong objections. Kowal claims to have done the deed at Mel’s Malibu compound, where he chained smoked before and after the fact. She found that and his general behavior a bit creepy.

Back story on the William Morris thing: Mel was repped by legendary agent Ed Limato for years. Limato died last week – no word on whether the stress from this Mel incident hastened the poor man along or not. Now with Limato out Ari Emmanuel is the top guy @ Morris. Ari is the inspiration for Ari Gold on Entourage, and the brother of Rahm EmmanuelPres Barack Obama’s pet pit bull. Rahm was the more pleasant & diplomatic of the bros., so he’s the one who went into politics. Ari has had it in for Mel since the whole anti Semitic thing broke. Now with his protector gone and the tape hitting the Internet, Ari & the Morris Agency let Mel go.

Now a wondertrash public service announcement. Seems that about 21 batches of Tylenol have been recalled, due to a mysterious stinky smell. So the stuff may have gone moldy or become contaminated. Diabetes medication Avandia has also made the shit list, since there have been some problems with it causes strokes and heart attacks. That’s what drug manufacturers call “minor & statistically insignificant side effects” when they’re trying to push and hot new product through the FDA approval process!

With some many drug recalls and side effects it’s not surprising that so many people are turning to alternative therapies, like the young Russians in the following video!

Russian hammer heads!

Pain is only in the mind, so if you’ve got a brick on your head don’t go for the Tylenol! Just focus – “use the force, Luke!

wondertrash

Mel Gibson more mama drama

Mel in the Family

If they still had those classic boozy celebrity roasts rife with crude humour and clumsy sarcasm, like the kind Dean Martin used to specialize in back in the early 70’s; then Mel Gibson would’ve been the superstar most likely to have been roasted, up to the past few years. He was a superstar of almost Rat Pack proportions. Nowadays he’s the celebrity most likely to get slow roasted over hot coals. Some of that has to do with his ex girlfriend/baby momma Oksana Grigorieva; and a lot of it has to do with the awful stuff Mel was caught saying on tapes that Grigorieva illegally made.

Hey Mel, Jesse James would like to thank you for getting the heat off of him!

Back in the days when Mel was still enjoying his booze fueled fling with the Plastic Russian, they’d fight all the time. Stuff that would make Britney & KFed look like Sunday school kids. Oksana often like to record these fiery exchanges; perhaps for sentimental value, or maybe it has some thing to do with her being Russian (you know how they were for secret recordings, especially back in the old days). Anyway a lot of stuff got said and recorded, usually while Mel was drunk of his head. Stuff like Oksana’s “a pig in heat who should be raped by a pack of niggers“.

stupid like a fox

Naturally the tapes were source of concern for Mel (He was concerned that the tapes existed, not that he’d actually said the stuff – big difference. Mel might make movies about Jesus Christ but he “ain’t stupid, if you know what I mean” Savvy men of the world are always more sorry about getting caught than about what they’ve done.). Similar comments made by Sandra Bernhard about then vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin effectively ended the mediocre comedienne’s successful career (without in any way impacting on Sarah Palin’s momentum). So Mel went to court and had the tapes banned.

Well some how the tape got leaked to the media sources – radaronline and TMZ. That’s how we know about he ‘pig in heat’ comments. Reps of both outlets listened to the tapes in their entirety. Though they wouldn’t publish them, fearing their own legal liability in posting tapes that had been banned by the court; reps of the agencies did vouch did vouch for the content, with plenty of quotable quotes.

TMZ would like to ask if you’ve stopped beating your girlfriend yet?

The latest bombshell, which might be the one that decisively sinks Mr. Heartthrob’s battle ship, was one recently referred to by the usual Internet sources. The bombshell is an admission by Mel, on tape, that he beat Grigorieva. On the tape a teary Grigorieva is asking Mel how he can strike a woman holding a child twice in the face. Mel responds “you fucking deserved it!” It seems to be the ‘you fucking deserved it‘ comment that has many of Mel’s former female fans ready to break out the razor blades on iodine on his sorry hide.

Braveheart – from heart breaker to face breaker

It get’s worse. This argument was the one during which Oksana supposedly got her front teeth knocked out. Mel’s people are denying that any kind of violence ever took place. However there is supposedly a DVD out there some where floating around like a mine at sea, which shows Oksana’s bloody and bruised face following a Mel Gibson attack. Mel’s people are supposedly desperately trying to verify the existence of the tape, locate it, and then terminate it’s potential as a threat. Sounds very CIA doesn’t it? Can’t really blame him. As Chris Brown could tell him, pictures speak much louder than words!

Oksana Grigoreiva has officially denied through TMZ & Radaronline, that she leaked the tapes. She did say that she began making them after Mel made repeated threats on her life.

Michael Lohan: Dining out on bad parenthood

Mel isn’t the only celebrity in a world of grief these days. Lindsay Lohan has finally got sentenced to 90 days in jail, plus 90 days in rehab. While Dina broke down in court, shrieking “Why, why, why?” – because you’re daughter is a drug addict who endangers the lives of others every time she gets behind the wheel of a car – and insisting that this was “so not fair to my child” & that’s true cause it should’ve happened years ago; Michael Lohan hit the bars, Hours after the sentencing he was pictured living it up @ The Saddle Ranch. That’s reputedly the wildest bar on Sunset Strip! I’m sure that Michael just needs to blow off some grief so that he can keep up his hectic schedule of media conferences & press releases.

michael lohan lives it up at the Saddle Ranch on Sunset Strip hours after Lindsay Lohan's sentencing

irresponsible combinations

As for Lindsay, she’s been getting some help keeping it together. Lindsay had some dental work a little while back. It was a wisdom tooth procedure. Now you know how risky these things can be with celebrities. It was a wisdom tooth extraction that allegedly sent Mischa Barton to the psych ward on a 5150 hold order (filed by her mother?). Lindsay is a sensitive soul, so her dentist made sure that she was loaded up on goodies to see her through the trying weeks ahead, namely Dilaudid & amphetamines. Dilaudid is 3x more powerful than morphine!

Dilaudid & amphetamines seem like an irresponsible combination to give to a desperate and unstable woman at the time of her sentencing, but give the dentists a break. Lindsay is too old for a lollipop, unless it’s a Fentanyl lolli. Just keep you fingers crossed for Lindsay during the next few weeks, cause Dilaudid + amphetamines is a recipe for an overdose!

BTW a heads up to Olivia Munn fan’s. Olivia, occasionally featured int his very blog, has her new book out soon. This after getting a walk on in Ironman 2 (she was the reporter at the Stark Expo), and after being the rumoured choice to play Wasp in the upcoming Batman! She’s a busy gal. She also regularly makes the men’s mag’s 100 hottest chick lists! Keep appraised of Munn’s book news through her twitter account Oliviamunn!

Had DC only realized what a rich vein of subtle self parodying humour could be found in Wonder Woman (like Superman back in the golden days when the comic was basically a situation comedy instead of a graphic novel narrative!), then they might have avoid the recent issue 600 major overhaul!

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