Mel Gibson Cheap Shot of the Day!

Speaking of cheap shots here are some upcoming from a leading source in the field! Note the lower left corner.

and as to those rumors about Bill O Reilly selling his soul to the devil…

As to the rumors about the reunion of 1990’s cult TV classic GvsE: story was that Clayton Rohner and Richards Brookes were getting back together for a 90 minute movie based on the series in which agents of light battled minions of darkness – usually working in some branch of LA’s thriving entertainment & related industries – & based on a script written by Brookes himself. The script involved main characters Chandler Smythe & Henry McNeil trying to get Bill O Reilly to renounce his Fautsian deal with Rupert Morlock, by which he became America’s most influential news anchor. I am unhappy to announce that the story is false.

I guess that explains Lady Gaga!

are Australians evil?

GvsE producers decided that an ‘evil Aussie’ story might be overkill. With Mel Gibson, the racist Michael Jackson TV tribute from an Australian variety show, etc., it’s beginning to seem as if there’s more to our friends from Downunder than “G’day Mate” & “No Worries“. Perhaps all the smiles and easy going charm are an attempt to lure us into a false sense of security & get us to lower our defenses? They do seem to be taking over lately – except for Hugh Jackman who’s left the rat race or something. So GvsE producers have decided to do an evil oil company concept instead.

Mel Gibson’s dog days of summer

What would a day th3ese days be without another Mel Gibson Freakout Tape? He’s got Christian Bale beat fuck for fuck by forty to one! With that in mind here’s another tape from a man claiming to be one of Mel’s “Aussie mates”. A warning though, parts of this tape seem to be edited!

It’s easy to mock Mel, so we do. More importantly Mel serves as a cautionary tale. At his height he was the No 1 actor in Hollywood & worth about $1 billion. Yet none of the fame & success protected him from his problems, some of which may ultimately find some of their cause within himself. He’s not the only major personality to suffer a downfall. There’s also OJ Simpson, Conrad Black, etc. Even well lied down to Earth celebs like Sandra Bullock have had a brush with potential career oblivion. Oh yeah, & there’s also this chick!

It’s as if they bigger they come the harder they fall. Remembering that might help us keep our own lives in proportion the next time we’re tempted to make something of ourselves – perhaps by losing weight or joining a neighborhood gym. Anyways here’s another cautionary tale on the pitfalls of fame, wealth, & power.

They were the most famous & powerful family in the world, and yet they didn’t even own a good ball point pen (which might have expedited Claudius’ histories considerably – ” A pen! A pen! My Caesar’s laurels for a good pen – one that’s refillable, easy to write with, and one who’s ink won’t run!“). Things that are mundane to you & me would be miraculous to them! Success is relative, but trouble is for real!

BTW a special farewell to regular wondertrash reader Tracy Mc. Tracy has left TO for England where she plans to pursue other opportunities/do whatever. I believe that there was some talk about joining a religious cult. Best of luck Tracy, and hopefully you can turn a few of your new Brit friends on to one of Toronto’s flakiest little blogs! Go on and spread the word – and keep reading wondertrash, the blog that always dots it’s T’s and crosses it’s eyes!


"children of superheroes rise up to average among their peers"

celebrities are super wonder people

Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child.
Robert Heinlein

We’re always more concerned with some one else’s manners than with our own.

Gary Coleman’s death comes as the most recent wave in a long series of hi profile celeb kid fuck ups. Now the famous young and the young of the famous seem to start out with one foot over the finish line: important parents, wealth, connections etc. Yet they’re usually in shit before 18. If a celeb kid grows up to be a average sensible person then other people are impressed. “So you’re not in prison or rehab – wow!'” So what’s going wrong? If celeb kids start out with one foot over the finish line then it’s as if the other foot is caught on something. There’s the rub.

rich kids & star babies

It points out something that we don’t like to face about success. We like to believe all that glitters is gold. So when celeb kids go haywire we blame them for fucking up. It couldn’t be a problem with success – as we define success, which is pretty narrowly. Yet the incidence of rich kid & star baby messes is too frequented for there not to be some kind of relationship.

thought experiment theater

Maybe this can be made more acceptable if put in the form of a ‘thought experiment’. How many of you wanted your dad to be Superman, when you were young? It’s seems like a great deal. No one will ever pick on you cause no one can whip your pappy. Plus you get to participate in the adventure and heroism. You’re Jimmy Olson – Superman’s pal!

Strangers without candy

Yet imagine, for the sake of our thought experiment that Superman had a child by Wonder Woman. Would that not be the most fucked up person on the planet or what? You can almost imagine them as an unemployed 30 something slacker bitching and whining in their support group. It might even sound something like this:

the adventures of XRay!

I grew up with everyone telling me how lucky I was to have my parents. It was like I couldn’t get it through to them that maybe they were better off. I mean you just try sneaking a girl into the house when your 14 and your dad has X-Ray vision. “Mamma come here! I saw the boy sneaking a girl into his room, but he’s hidden her some where and now he’s denying it!” “Don’t worry Pappa. This is a job for the lasso of truth!” The next summer I was in regular therapy. Not that I blame being tied up by my mom in front of my girlfriend is what triggered that! That tends to happen when you Mom’s an Amazon.

Or just try getting away with anything behind their back. For instance when our class had the big party I wanted to go. Mom and Dad forbade it. I tried explaining that all the other kids were going. That’s when Dad replied, “Oh yeah – all the other kids? Well what if I use my super speed to create a low pressure vortex directly above the town? The resulting rain storms will make sure that “all the other kids” aren’t going!”

The first thing I heard in class next day was “Way to get your father to screw up our party Fail Out Boy!” After that I wound up eating lunch every day alone in the washroom locked in a toilet stall. Of course I was never what you’d call popular before that.

“Diana please stop making a scene or this is the last time we visit your mother!”

celebrities are super wonder people

Superman Family Values

I guess the only question left for the therapist to ask is whether Super Wonder Boy ever got laid? That’s the same question that people are asking now about Gary Coleman. So whatever we may or may not think about the advantages that money and trouble can bring, I might just say that “Crystal Bowersox dodged an enormous bullet last night & in spite of herself!”

Wondertrash goes boguszen:

Money can’t buy happiness, but allows a choice of misery

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
–Albert Einstein

Some people think they are worth a lot of money just because they have it.
–Fannie Hurst, writer (1889-1968)

Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
–Erma Bombeck, humorist (1927-1996)

She lacks confidence, she craves admiration insatiably. She lives on the reflections of herself in the eyes of others. She does not care to be herself.
–Anais Nin

I’d rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I don’t.
–George Burns

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
–Winston Churchill

A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.
–Miguel de Cervantes

Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book.
-Marcus Tullius Cicero, statesman, orator, and writer (1066-43 BCE)

The mind covers more ground than the heart but goes less far.
–Chinese Proverb

What are you so shocked about? Can’t you listen to chords without knowing their status and destination? Where do they come from? Whither are they going? What does it matter? Listen: that’s enough.
–Claude Debussy, French composer

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
–Albert Einstein

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex and more violent. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.
–Albert Einstein

Einstein’s three rules of work:
1. Out of clutter, find simplicity.
2. From discord, find harmony.
3. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.


Wondertrash has a brush with Britney?

Britney Spears & bogus zen

A few days ago a friend of mind posted a Britney Spears liveleak video to his youtube account, so that I might use it on my blog. It was the What Britney Spears Really Sounds Like On Stage.flv video. Well my friend informs me that sometime last night he received a terse response on the comments section of the video – simply “liar”. It was posted @ about 1 AM and is listed as from

QueenPopBritneyTv. That’s Britney’s official youtube presence.

Mean girls

There have been rumors about friction between Gwyneth Paltrow and Scarlett Johansson on the set of Ironman. If you were expecting the Ironman hotties to carry on like Kim Possible and Shego then you might be disappointed. Gwyneth, for one, doesn’t know what people are talking about. She likes Scarlett just fine, even calling her “a girl after my own heart”. Johansson for her part, claims she’s picking up style tips from Johansson.

That GOOP must be strong stuff to have pacified the gals’ natural bitchiness. One person they might want to get GOOPed would be Supermodel Naomi Campbell. Naomi has some anger issues and especially when she’s coked up. She’s left more than one assistant battered & bruised, and has a hard time keeping herself in cell phones. They are her weapon of choice when she wants to reach out and touch some body. Naomi will soon be appearing on Oprah to talk about her anger issues, and to sign one of those no texting agreements – her future drivers should be pleased!

Though the episode promises to be revealing don’t be too surprised if it just covers old ground. Celebrities can be surprisingly canny when they want to be. Sandra Bullock managed to keep her adoption a secret for 3 months – and that was during Awards season. I’ll never know how she managed to pick up her Razzie in person. Also Halle Berry’s split from Gabriel Aubry is months old too, though we’re just hearing about it:

Halle says through her publicist that she and Aubry are putting their daughter first – translation: Aubry wasn’t good enough for Berry and she hopes that she’s made him cry.

Wondertrash thought of the day: Remember that gossip is only second hand news.


Oprah Bio Author Kitty Kelley Talks About Cold Shoulder

trophy target

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Stalking Oprah

When you go after Oprah Winfrey you’d better go loaded for bear. That’s what Kitty Kelley usually does whenever she writes an unauthorized biography about any of her high profiles targets. now the Queen of dirt wants to add Oprah Winfrey to her trophy collection.

taking the heat over cold shoulder

Kelley has just released her new Oprah book and it appears to follow form with her Sinatra, the Royals, the Bushes, etc. bios. There’s already a lot of talk about drugs, incest, prostitution, homosexuality, Gayle King, and the Kitty Kelley media freeze out! Who knew that Oprah lived such an interesting life?

the Oprah Effect 2.0

Ms. Kelley seems particularly concerned with the freeze out. Usually whenever Kitty writes a tell all, the interviewers line up. Not now. Apparently Oprah is using her massive influence, the kind she used to make Dr Phil, Dr Oz, and Rachel Ray household names, to keep Kitty off of the talk show circuit. Of course that hasn’t stopped people from talking about it. Quite the contrary! Here’s a little news clip featuring Ms Kelley discussing her unauthorized book and it’s unofficial reaction.

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fame in the sleaze age

Oprah should’ve realized the day that Tom Cruise hopped off her couch and into celebrity crazytown that no one can control their own image in the information age. What’s more fame can turn on you to the point where everyone can cash in on your secrets, except you. Sandra Bullock could’ve explained that sad fact to her. So will you be lining up for your copy of the book that promises to tell you about the real Oprah? I’m sure that Tom Cruise already has his advance copy – complete with special deleted chapters. Fame still has it’s privileges – though it’s a much bigger pain in the ass than it used to be.

“Despite your effort…
despite your might…
you cannot escape…
from Oprah’s sight…”

Just because Oprah is freezing Kelley out of the talk show circuit doesn’t mean that Oprah is unaware of the book’s existence. Oprah directly addressed the book recently at the Matrix Awards. While Oprah skipped the usual red carpet, she did launch into the book, describing it as a ‘so called’ biography.

Then she went right into a spiel about her mysterious BFF Gayle King. Oprah said that King had her hands full with all of Oprah’s new biodads coming out of the work work. They probably want a piece of the action, or at least one of those new cars Oprah is so fond of giving away. Oprah then went on to describe Gayle as a wonderful friend who cares more about Lady O than she does her self, and who has never ever been jealous of Oprah no not one day in her life (except for an incident involving Oprah and Tina Turner!). Complete dog like devotion is all that any celeb asks from their companions and that’s a tall order when you’re so full of yourself positivity. That level of positivity usually brings out the worst in people.

Oprah’s final word on the book – “This to shall pass.”

Oprah might be on to something with the “this to shall pass” idea – even though it’s not original. As previously posted right here on Wondertrash Mad Mel Gibson has split from his Russian sugartits Oksana Grigorieva shortly after the birth of their child Lucia. It’s even worse than that, Oksana is having her Mel tattoo removed. The tattoo in question is a small hammer & sickle on her ankle that Mel advised her to get. Who knew Mel’s mind worked that way? No word on whether or not she’s having the 10 pounds of facial filler removed.

One thing that isn’t passing is the trouble Suvivor producer Bruce Beresford-Redman is in. He got in trouble after the murdered body of his wife Monica was found stuffed into a sewer outside their Mexican hotel. Naturally police assumed he did it. Even more so now that new rumors of mutual infidelity have come out. Head over to Celebrity Bitchslap for a little more on that.

Bruce Beresford-Redman: Did Mutual Infidelity lead to murder?

Bogus zen: Celebrities have a head for heights, unfortunately many of them haven’t learned the fine art of taking a fall. Tom Cruise didn’t even managed to make the 2 foot hop from Oprah’s couch unscathed (he only damaged his ego, but when you’re a Follywood celebrities that’s one of your most important assets!). So here now is a Wondertrash thought of the day: Remember that it’s better to be on the ground wising that you were flying, than flying and wishing you were on the ground.


Reach for the Top

What’s the point in scaling the summit if no one is there to watch you fall?

uncouthCelebrities have a real impulse to shoot for the stars. If their personal lives are any indication it sometimes seems like the stars have started shooting back. Still you have to look at it from the celebrities viewpoint: “Why be content where I am when I can miserable, though possibly better off, some where else?”

Try to be something special, just like everyone else!

It’s easy to pick on entertainers for their over arching ambition, and the insecurities it is so deeply rooted in. They’re not alone however. ‘No one followed their demon until it mislead them’ an old saying goes. Ironically for those seeking distinction, it’s fairly commonplace to ‘feel the need for speed’, as the following short video clip demonstrates. Keep your eyes open for Wilie Coyote and his proud sponsors ACME.

fail & pwned or prisoners of gravity?
mocksure your parachute is fully loaded

If you can’t be good be fast, if you can’t be fast be first (if you can’t even be first then be Wondertrash! It’s the distinction of being last plus a honorable mention.), and most importantly make sure that your parachute has been properly packed!


Palin Custody Battle Goes Public

For those of you who’d hoped we’d heard the last of the Palins, tough luck. Though their 15 mins should have run out long ago it looks like there’s still some time on the clock, as former high school hockey player, and former Palin family member Levi Johnson threatens to make the whole custody battle public. He claims that he’s afraid of Sarah Palin and her far reaching influence (she knows Oprah!). So he’s decided that his best defense is to wave his dirty laundry in our faces (Is that a good offense, or just offensive?). Just our luck. Then again you wouldn’t be reading this if you didn’t enjoy the occasional whiff of scandal!

More domestic drama!

BTW – for those following the unfolding Sheen-Mueller case reports are conflicting: She recanted, she didn’t recant, she wants to reconcile, and she has a criminal history involving cocaine & DUI. Run Charlie, run! It seems that the only person able to find any good in this situation is Charlie’s vindictive ex wife Denise Richards! Now you just have to admire that kind of optimism. Charlie Sheen sure knows how to pick ’em!

pic courtesy of EOnline

Wondertrash thought of the day: Remember that there are people worse off than you are, and many of them are rich & famous!


The Stars Are So Big The Earth Is So Small… Stay As You Are

The instant involvement that accompanies instant technologies triggers a conservative, stabilizing, gyroscopic function in man, as reflected by the second-grader who, when requested by her teacher to compose a poem after the first Sputnik was launched into orbit, wrote: “The stars are so big / The earth is so small / Stay as you are.” The little girl who wrote those lines is part of the new tribal society; she lives in a world infinitely more complex, vast and eternal than any scientist has instruments to measure or imagination to describe. 
~Marshall McLuhan
La Vida Loca

It’s been quite a week gossip wise, and what have we learned from the past seven days of cautionary tales? Well for one thing we’ve learned that Oprah’s ego continues to expand to frightening new dimensions. Poor Ellen Degeneres is currently endanger of getting swallowed by it! 
We’ve also learned that when the chips are down, even celebrities can get pathetic and desperate, like Chris Nolan’s felonious brother.  He may be on the verge of extradition to face the music, but look on the bright side – when he gets out he might be on the short list for a date with Anne Hathaway! I hear that she has horrible taste in men.
It’s important to be hopeful, that’s another thing. We can thank Courtney Love for that one. In fact her incoherent Myspace rant has given many much good cause for hope. If what she says is true than we can throw our death anxiety out the window. Not only has Kurt Cobain’s musical career survived his own untimely demise, but he’s branched out into real estate! Death isn’t the barrier to leading a rich full involved life that it once was. I think that I might even go into politics after my own passing, and perhaps even start voting!
That kind of hope is reassuring. Natasha Richardson has shown us that death comes for us all, even celebrities. Poor Natasha was cut down in her prime, during a freak skiing accident. Though first reports described her as Liam Neeson’s wife, as the story picked up steam she became an independent entity. So much so that Liam is now being referred to as the husband of late actress Natasha Richardson. 

Jessica Lange was so inspired by the whole thing that she felt the need to throw herself against something hard while vacationing in Minnesota (perhaps it was just out of boredom?). Unfortunately for her she wasn’t badly damaged in the fall – she only hit her head. Generally it is the least sensitive part of a celebrity’s anatomy; though the also the largest and and most sore. Neeson didn’t seem very encouraged though. He looked pale and haggard as he waved meekly to the paparazzi hounding him into and out of the hospital. Knowing that the show will remorselessly plow on, even over your dead body, can’t be much consolation.
Fame can be an exacting life style. It’s promises you the world, but it asks for everything you’ve got. That’s why it takes a strong amazing person to continue along the path. Some one like Katie Holmes for instance. She has shown that there is still something to learn even while living an amazing life. Like an expensive make over can help cover the damage caused by too much self improvement. Her husband Tom Cruise splashed out about $100 000 to give the missus a high gloss coat of varnish in time for the Tokyo premier of Valkyrie! I wonder if the make over included a few tips on deportment?
Tom: In her own quite way Katie is just as interesting as Paris, Lindsay, or even Britney, isn’t that right Katie?
Katie: Yes Tom.
Tom: Katie do you remember what I told you about agreeing with me in public? People will think that you don’t have a mind of your own.
Katie: Sorry Tom.
Just amazing! Give her credit for surviving the process, so far. She is faring better than poor old Adnan Ghalib. Life was never the same after the circus came to town, and he fell through the looking class. Britney singled him out from the pack, and turned him from an anonymous nobody into one of the most famous young men in the world. It was as if she thought “How would you like to be in my shoes?“, and then realized that was possible!
After being rendered unfit for any useful employment, there are now rumours that Adnan is about to be deported to Afghanistan! Most celebrities just curse out their cruel tormentors in the press, but it took Britney Spears to literally fuck one over. I guess they won’t be too eager to mess with her again anytime soon – “Hey buddy, do you want to be my boyfriend too?“. Of course that’s why Britney is more than a celebrity; she’s a force of nature, like hurricanes, earthquakes, and tidal waves! Then again it’s not so easy on the business end of the telephoto lens. At least we won’t be hearing that “They put themselves out there so they ask for it” excuse from the press corps. Sorry Adnan, though they may send you back, you can never really go home again.
So with some grudging respect I have to admit that it does take a special  sort of person to be a celebrity. It takes more toughness, resiliency, and singlemindedness than a sensible person would wish to have. When life hands you a lemon, hire a film crew and pitch a reality TV deal; just like Chantal Kreviazuk would’ve done if she had any ambition. She should be thankful that she doesn’t have any ambition left. Being that strong and amazing isn’t necessarily an advantage. A weaker person would’ve come to their senses and turned round before things got out of hand. Our celebrities, like the coyote from the road runner cartoons, only seem to be grasping for that next trick to stay in the game. So the adventure continues! It takes an exceptional person to be broken on the wheel.
Daily Dharma: 
A cut worm loves the plow.
~ William Blake, Proverbs of Hell
Coming soon to Mocksure – which celebrities are currently off their medications!
Daily Dharma:

Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

Dream Chasers – Squeeze the Day!

The World’s Most Subversive Meme

Remember to pass this on to your family, your friends, and even your enemies. The fate of our planet may well depend upon your willingness to be this subversive.

Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

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