Demi Moore Hospitalized

Demiconscious – was Ashton tired of a life of tranny tyranny and oppression?

may you live in interesting times – between rehab

Demi Moore has lead an interesting life. She was a major motion picture actress back in the 80’s and 90’s. Then she had a hi profile marriage to another major 80’s and 90’s personality, Bruce Willis. He’s the guy who sold your parents on Seagram’s Vodka Coolers with his cool Rat Packish charm. He and Demi were one of those power couples, like Richard Gere and Cindy Crawford, or later on Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

truth or consequence – fake it or make it: if Burton and Taylor couldn’t do it then what chance did the real Anthony & Cleopatra have?

As much as everyone talks about soul mates, finding your significant other and completing that power circuit doesn’t make everything fall into your out stretched and eager hand. It didn’t work out for Marc Anthony and Cleopatra; nor even Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez. That’s to say nothing of Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. Even a cutesy combo moniker like Bennifer didn’t save them. So eventually and for undisclosed reasons Bruce and Demi split up.

Too good to be true or too fast to last? Maybe just too naked to make it.

Demi went on to live a rich and full life. It was the style to which she was accustomed. She had after all appeared naked and pregnant (though not necessarily in that order) on the cover of Vanity Fair. So she was an unconventional ground breaker. Maybe that’s why she pounced on Asthon Kutcher with the fury of a hungry cougar on the hunt. To the world’s astonishment they got married. Meanwhile, as Asthon became MoD to her kids (that ‘my other dad’ and not ‘ministry of defense’, for our Brit readers), Bruce hung around smiling and supportive. They were often photographed together on vacation, at premiers, etc & etc, with a camaraderie that the Three Musketeers might have envied. If Bruce seemed like he was waiting in the wings then maybe he was asking himself what many others were thinking “How long can this thing last?”

2 1/2 men a re hard to find

It lasted longer than he might have expected, because eventually Bruce went off and got married. That’s okay cause Demi still had Ashton. That’s is until cracks started developing. Eventually, and at about the same time Ashton took over the lead in 2 1/2 Men, things came to ahead. it was announced that the couple were divorcing. Stories came out about open marriages – & to give them the benefit of the doubt maybe it was in the Newt Gingrich traditional family values GOP sense. Then the divorce talk began. Statements were made about unacceptable behavior. The kids announced that Ashton was no longer MoD. He had been demoted to ‘good looking creep that broke mom’s heart’.

more overhauls than the bionic woman

Now the people who had been asking “how long can this go on?” were asking “How is she gonna take it?” “Hard” seemed a pretty good guess. Demi had spent a ton on cosmetic surgery. As much as $600 000 by some accounts. Consensus seemed to be that this was an attempted to keep her much younger husband interested. There’s no refund on plastic surgery (& no undo button either). So she might have invested too much of herself in this venture.

inside out and outside thin – looking bad thinking worse

Well people were about to get there answer. Demi started looking thin. People began talking eating disorder, and some were no doubt thinking “under stress”. Some were probably thinking drugs worse. She gave magazine interviews in which she admitted to doubting her ability and worthiness to be loved. Then things really came to a head.

a gathering of superfriends

On Jan 11 Dems was out at an undisclosed spot living it up. She was surrounded by young celebs like Miley Cyrus, Pauly D (Jersey Shore) DelVecchio, and Brody Jenner. Only the presence of Kim Kardashian and a couple of Bachelorettes might’ve made that who’s who complete! In spite of looking ‘super skinny’ among the young and sexy, Demi managed to get totally trashed and wound up dancing on tables. Or at least an eyewitness tells US Weekly! She also got kinda friendly with young Ryan Rottman, of 90210 fame. There was some shirt unbuttoning and chest tickling involved, according to People, but you’re gonna have to hit that link to find out who unbuttoned and tickled whom.

the red pill or Red Bull?

On Jan 15 Demi accompanied her daughter Rumor out to Sean Penn’s Cinema for Peace Event Benefiting J/P Haitian Relief Organization in L.A. Maybe Demi was feeling a little wild and girlish, but she downed about 12 Red Bulls. She seemed glad to be out and ready to unwind. She took numerous pix on her iPhone and was glad to see anyone approached her. This might have been a reaction to a night out on the 13th when she ran into Ashton. That was an awkward run in at a West Hollywood Golden Globes party in which they spent most of the evening avoiding each other. Naturally a gal might need to blow off steam after that. Unfortunately Demi didn’t get it out of her system.

riding for a fail

If Dems was riding for a fall no one was coming right out and saying. Not until a couple of days ago at least. That’s when TMZ broke the news that Moore had been hospitalized. According to TMZ paramedics were called about 10:45 to come and make an appearance. She was assessed for 30 mins and then transported to a local hospital. Some reports said that there was a substance abuse issue (usually in Hollywood ‘substance abuse issue’ means an issue about which substance is being abused). Demi’s rep told TMZ

“Because of the stresses in her life right now, Demi has chosen to seek professional assistance to treat her exhaustion and improve her overall health. She looks forward to getting well and is grateful for the support of her family and friends.”

whip it!

The plot thickened. It was soon revealed that the ambulance got called after Moore had started doing whip its‘. For those not among the beautiful people – and I pity you! – ‘whip its’ are nitrous oxide! People of Demi’s age and income bracket don’t usually do them, but Demi has been hangin’ with a young fast crowd lately (remember when fentanyl lollipops were cool? That was a more innocent time). Apparently Demi had inhaled a dangerous amount and had a reaction. When she lapsed into semi consciousness a friend became concerned and called the ERT. According to some reports she even had the symptoms of a seizure!

Up-to-date, nihilist whiz hoaxes

Where does that leave Demi right now, besides ‘hospitalized with exhaustion’? Moore was cast in the new Linda Lovelace biopic, as Gloria Steinem (not that being offered Gloria Steinem instead of the Linda Lovelace lead depressed Ms. Moore, but it couldn’t have helped). She’ll probably have to bow out of that (ooh – a part for Katherine Heigl!). She’s got some issues to deal with before she can do movies. For one thing in addition to alleged substance abuse issues, the actress is also said to be dealing with anorexia. So it seems that Moore is on the road to rehab, if not recovery. At least there she may be able to get the treatment for issues including “exhaustion” she seems to need. After an intensely interesting life a rest can be as good as a change!

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Heather Locklear hospitalized

Things are heating up so hold on to your hats. 1stly Heather Locklear is back in hospital. She’s had an off and on battle with booze and pills for over 15 years. She kept it a well hidden secret by drinking on the sly and checking into hotels with a sobriety coach to dry out. It came to light back when her ex Richie Sambora started seeing Charlie Sheen ex Denise Richards. The strain may have been too much for Locklear and she went off the wagon. That’s when her years of secret drinking got out.

The on and off battle is on again with a vengeance. TMZ is reporting that Heather has been admitted to hospital for a booze and pills overdose. Heather’s sister found her and phoned authorities on 2:05 PM. That’s when the Verntura County Sheriff’s Dept got involved. Paramedics who arrived on the scene decided Heather needed to be hospitalized. This comes on the heels of her bust up with former Melrose Place co star Jack Wagner.

Lindsay Lohan – Lien on me

Locklear isn’t the only celeb having a hard time of it lately. Lindsay Lohan specializes in hard times and things are now getting seriously hairy for her. She’s had her brushes with the law from time to time, and usually she comes out ahead. This time the big guns are pointed straight her way. The big guns in question belong to the IRS, and these dudes don’t mess around.

Now everyone who’s been following Lindz knows that she’s run into some serious fiscal trouble lately. That’s because she’s been out of work for awhile. Paying of a pack of lawyers to keep her ass out of jail didn’t help the situation. Some stories have had her bumming money out of friends at the super market check out so that she could afford her Ben & Jerry’s. Her current situation is more serious. Seems that she owes Uncle Sam about $93 000 that she neglected to pay. SO the IRS is putting a lien on her.

Lindz, through her spokes persons, says that shew as unaware of the problem. That’s believable, since for one thing she’s had a lot of plates spinning. Sources also say that the tax bill got lost in the shuffle – Lindz recently replaced most of her financial management. The problem should be easy to fix. Lindz recently got a million dollar pay day for doffing her duds in Playboy. Besides, if things really get rough there’s always Dancing With the Stars!

Sinead O Connor in crisis

A mess with the IRS is bad but it could be worse. It seems to be for radical Irish songstress Sinead O Conner. If you’re beyond a certain age you’ll remember that she’s the one who tore up a picture of the Pope on SNL to protest Andrew Dice Clay’s participation in the show! Clay’s Jewish so it didn’t really make sense – but it was a long time ago.

Lately Sinead’s been erratic. Things started out innocently enough. She had a gig to cut some tracks for some new album. She got herself a Twitter account about the same time. At first the tweets were straight forward – the “hi how are ya” kind. There was even a good dose of self effacing humour – “I’m a gal you can take anywhere twice, the second time to apologize“. Then things started spiraling out of control.

Sinead got married to some guy. It only lasted 16 days. Then she started tweeting about how she needed a man real bad, especially if he was Robert Downey jr! She tweeted that she was developing some strange preoccupations with fresh supermarket produce, what without a good man being handy. Finally she took to the Tweet to ask her followers if they knew any good shrinks in the Dublin/Wicklow area. She explained that she was crying out to the world because Ireland is a poor place to look for help. Well it’s now been revealed that Sinead has attempted suicide a couple of times recently – once by overdose after a performance in LA last Thursday, in which Glenn Close was in attendance! Hopefully things will improve for O Connor.


Zsa Zsa Gabor wants to move up in class

For those unfamiliar with Zsa Zsa Gabor – except as a comedic characterture of an aging Hollywood actress, she was the Kim Kardashian of her day (She and her two sisters originated the Kardashian act). That means she was a characterture of a Hollywood sex symbol. That’s kind of like being a female impersonator except you’re a woman – anyone remember Victor/Victoria? To that end Zsa Zsa made a bunch of B movies that no one remembers, married and divorced alot of husbands – she was kind of in the alimony business, and guest starred on The Beverly Hillbillies a few times. So you can say that she’s a sort of pop cultural icon. Like Susan Somer’s Thigh Master commercials! About the only thing she didn’t get around to was getting shot in the gob by Phil Spector!

Bed room farce antics aside, Zsa Zsa did live a rich and interesting life. She married Anna Nicole Smith’s lover, and almost became Smith’s adoptive mother. That was when Anna Nic tried to convince her lover, who is Zsa Zsa’s husband – Prince von Arnolt, to legally adopt her. That way she could officially become a princess! Sounds flaky buts that how Arnolt inherited his princely title, and probably how the woman he screwed out of the title got it herself!

Even though this is a very European arrangement – in this case “European” differentiates from American in that there is no pretense to any kind of morality or decorum. It’s a “we’re consenting adults and know how the world works *wink wink*” deal – Zsa Zsa wasn’t having any part of it. So she out the kibosh on the deal and Anna Nicole had to settle for a Texas oil billionaire, whom she quickly married and promptly buried.

Did I say bed room farce antics aside? Zsa Zsa did do something genuinely interesting. She slapped a LA traffic cop. The guy pulled Gabor over after he saw her car slowly serving all over the road. Seeing an elderly actress behind the wheel he must’ve assumed that she was having a botox induced stroke, or perhaps was buzzed out on a cocktail of powerful sedatives legally obtained from her many physicians. So he asked her if she needed assistance.

Zsa Zsa, who was allegedly drunk at the time, staggered forth from the vehicle and informed the good officer in a heavily slurred accent that she was a famous actress who’s husband is a Prince, and that she has many powerful friends who could break the fellow like a match stick, so ‘jump back Jack‘ Then she landed him a smack across the chops to make sure he got the point. When I say smack I mean that she hit him, not kissed him. A kiss from that grizzled old beak would’ve been so traumatic that the fellow would’ve had grounds for a law suit.

Now when your main claims to fame are based on a clownish B movie image and a bunch of ridiculous incidents, then you might have a real burning need to be taken more seriously. God knows Zsa Zsa will never be Helen Mirren, not now at her age; but I’m sure that she hasn’t given up hope – God bless her soul. After all Helen Mirren wasn’t really Helen Mirren until she got up in years. In her prime she did the roles Joan Collins turned down – & Joansie didn’t turn down much of anything! The point is that a little respect would be nice, even if completely undeserved.

The recent passing of Jayne Russell and Elizabeth Taylor seem to have brought this point home to ailing Zsa Zsa. It seems that she’s got it in her mind that celebs always go in 3’s (they do: one dies naturally and the other 2 follow along for the attention!). Further more she’s convinced that if she can make number three, then that will prove to the world that she just wasn’t come over stuffed clown with an accent, but an actress of the highest caliber! With that in mind she has insisted on being rushed to the hospital!

Now the official story is that Zsa Zsa was at home fidgeting restlessly in front of the TV when she got the sad news about Taylor. Then, according to her publicist – who may have been standing near by with pen and pad in hand to record Gabor’s words for posterity – Zsa yelps out “Oh, Jane Russell and Liz Taylor — I’m next.” The publicist – John Blanchette doesn’t go on to say whether or not anyone burst out in laughter.

Zsa Zsa took the whole deal very seriously though. She insisted on having her blood pressure taken. According to Blanchette it was “soaring“. Not that you can make anything out of that since Gabor is high pressure at the best of times. Anyway it was enough to get her carted off to the hospital and put on unofficial death watch. As for the prognosis, Blanchette goes on to say that Gabor is a fighter, as one LAPD officer can attest to. Now I’m not sure how to take that remark. With Gabor that just might mean this is one casting call she’s determined to make, even though it’s only for the final curtain. That’s fame for you – eventually it’s being the stiff at your own funeral, and looking as life like as you ever did! Good luck Zsa Zsa!

By the way Zsa Zsa isn’t the only one trying to horn in on the action. Westboro Baptist Church has announced plans to protest at Taylor’s funeral. They take issue with Taylor’s long time AIDS activism, which they call “enabling gays“. So that makes them almost as flaky as Victoria Jackson! Plus they’re looking to score some major publicity! No official word on the rumors that they’re currently shopping around a reality TV premise based on their colorful “ministry“.


Michael Lohan – "This is the big one"

Remember Michael Lohan? He’s the nominal father of America’s #1 rehabber Lindsay Lohan. Now being Lindsay’s dad has it’s pressures, what with trying to negotiate reality TV deals, selling his daughter’s shit on EBay, and occasionally pretending to give a shit (poor Lindsay – her problems make so much sense when put in context). Looks like the pressure finally caught up with him because Father of the Year was whisked off to Hoag Hospital (that’s Hoag with an a and not Hog – despite what you might expect) in Newport Beach for some angioplasty. Now for everyone who doubts that America has the best health care system in the world, the procedure was a complete success. It was so successful in fact that that Mikey was sent home the same day. That gave him a chance to stop into Jack in the Box to get something to eat (Michael was full of beans again, as he screamed out the guy on the drive through). After an ordeal you’ve got to keep your cholesterol, if not your strength, up.

Then again, by way of second opinion, Michael’s chest pains may not have been a heart attack, but a Fred-attack.


Jesse James Engaged

They used to say romance was dead – now it’s time to put it out of it’s misery! from Sandra Bullock to Bombshell Magee seems something like a tragedy. Things have gotten even more tragic for Jesse James recently. Since fucking up his A List marriage JJ has gone on from Bullock to Magee and is currently seeing Kat von D (real name: Katherine von Drachenberg). Von D is the reality TV tattoo artist who got into a little but of shit by going Mel Gibson on her former boss. Her boss is of the Jewish persuasion and during some sort of office spat Kat left the fellow an autographed picture of herself complete with the phrase “Rot in hell Jew boy“. Kat of course denied the incident and went on to claim that the guy set her up, explaining that – ‘you know what those Jews are like‘. Actually that last bit is a joke. Kat never said that part; but she might as well have, since you know what von D is like!

“Hey Jesse – set up the camera and come lick the maggots out of my twat!”

Anyhow James and Von D have recently taken their arrangement to the next level – by announcing that their tying the knot. They’ve probably been tying each other in knots for a while now, since Jesse has an avid interest in fetish sex. His ex Janine Lindmueller and Bombshell “I’m so proud my kids are white” Magee can b seen featured on any number of fringe sex websites rolling around in dog shit, covered in vomit, etc. It’s basically stuff too raw and rancid even to be shown or linked here. So you can just imagine how nasty their sex life is.

I’m the luckiest MoFo in the world!

So what is meant by tying the knot in this case is that they’re making their scuzzy skeevy love official. Von D announced the impending nuptials on her Twitter account recently, tweeting that “I guess the ‘kat’ is outta the bag, eh? Thank you for all the wonderful, loving congratulations from you all. Overwhelmed with joy right now!” In Hollywood you just don’t get more official than Twitter! In this case the whole sordid romance played out via that medium as the gruesome twosome exchanged terns of endearment and other sweet nothing with each other, and the rest of the world. Terms of endearment mean stuff like this:

James: “I would like to be with you at this time. Even if only it could take your hand, as that first night.

Earlier in the month: “I have never felt so loved! I’m the luckiest MoFo in the world! 48 hours away from you feels like a year…you will never be anything but beautiful to me.

Considering that this time last year he was accompanying Sandra Bullock to the Oscars, calling himself the luckiest MoFo in the world has got to be a case of seeing the glass as half full. Maybe it’s just a half truth, since no one would argue with the mofo part of the statement!

lust in the dust in 140 characters or less

Just think of how lucky we are the Twitter has a 140 character limited. Not only does is put the brake son Jesse & Kat’s public displays of gross out romance, but Jesse surely would’ve spelled MoFo right out, if he didn’t have to consider the posting limit. That still leaves the question open of how low these two are gonna go as they plumb the deaths of depravity for fun and profit. The answer to that question will probably be answered when they release they honeymoon sex video as a prelude to their reality TV deal. On the other hand, KVD recently tweeted, or something, that “I think our relationship has matured so much and matures every day and grows. I am not ashamed of anything. I am really excited about it. Everyday we grow stronger.” So maybe going into things by faking the right attitude counts for something. Besides – she was clearly telling the truth when she said she’s not ashamed of anything.

Wondertrash – the anti terror blog

only you can help us fight celebrity terrorism!

A useless man throwing himself away on a worthless woman may seem like a tragedy – or merely a waste of oxygen and public attention, but putting this events into proportion can help us deal with these kind of outrages. For one thing worse things have happened to better people. While you can question “What could be worse than either of these two marrying anyone, let alone each other?“; no one can question that there are better people. In fact you could probably find more outstanding examples of humanity in the sex offender wing of your local prison, or at an Al Qaeda meeting! I added that last part because some of our regular readers are from Homeland Security. You’ve got to be careful what you say online or the big boys will get right on your ass! Now Wondertrash definitely plays for the home team; but our war on terror concentrates more on celebrity terrorism.

George Clooney helps fill Larry King’s hole – gets infected!

Terrible mercy riots

Now one of those better people that worse stuff has happened to would be George Clooney. Clooney was in Sudan earlier: either scouting out film locations, genuinely trying to do something for his fellow man, or just trying to show that Angelina Jolie doesn’t have a monopoly on sanctimonious hype, when a mosquito bit him. It not only bit him but left him something to remember him by – malaria. Clooney made this revelation recently on Piers Morgan’s new show. So if this teaches us anything – in addition to get your shots before you leave the country – it’s than CNN is really really serious about filling the Larry King hole. As for Clooney he shouldn’t worry too much – about half of Hollywood is carrying around way worse bugs than that!

BTW don’t be too concerned about Homeland Security’s occasional presence on this site. They’re not tracking visitors for anti celebrity, and therefore possibly anti American sentiments. So we’re not on any official shit list – unless some of Ricky Gervais’ powerful new enemies got in touch with their powerful Washington friends to complain about this blog’s support of his Golden Globe routine. (“Remember when we got the President elected? Now you owe us a favour!Oprah Winfrey Network, or OWN, rearranges nicely into NWO. Think about it!)

The HS boys are just doing what so many civil servants do – surfing for porno at work when they’re supposed to be doing their job! Now I could say that this is an example of how American tax dollars are being wasted, but I prefer to look at the positive side of it. In that sense they have much in common with the Muslim world. Many of our visitors are from the Middle East, and have found their way here by web searching “Brittney Spears private parts” etc. The search terms are often misspelled – so the kind of arrive by accident, like Columbus when he discovered America by mistaking it for India. Anyhow the important thing to remember is that repressed Middle Eastern Islamic extremists and middle aged ivy league frat boys have way more in common then they think – like Miranda Kerr’s camel toe! On behalf of the blog let me just say ‘Thank you Miranda for your part, in helping keep the world together!

Gigitty gigitty goo – another cat out of the bag!

PS – fanboys may be interested to know the the new Catwoman has finally been named and it’s Anne Hathaway. Now Anne one gorgeous chick, though her talent and professionalism have some what eclipsed her natural hotness! This role may remedy that. one she’s seen in her latex catsuit the fetish community will probably freak the fuck out! In fact look for funky smelling weirdos to be walking funny for the first month or two. While Anne would make a fantastic Catwoman, I always had her pegged more as Hawkgirl!

Now here’s a music video dedication to the fair Ms. Hathaway in honor of her new role – Jethro Tull’s Strip Cartoon. Look forward to seeing you in your textured rubber rain gear playing in shades of gray, in your black & white strip cartoon.


Lisa and her lips

Now from big talk about loose lips to loose talk about big lips Lisa Rinna is pretty well known. Some credit belongs to her costars – those outsized lips that have become her trade mark. Lisa had them packed full of silicone back in 1986, a good 10 years before chicks started routinely getting their smackers blown up with collagen. The surgery served her well for years as she became more and more famous; and her lips became her trade mark.

Me and my big mouth

Lisa was to find out that there can be too much of a good thing. In the case of her lips it was nearly impossible for her to deny having surgery, since human lips generally only get that big if your a carrier of the Voight – Bertrand gene. Her lips were now so big that they virtually spoke for themselves without saying a word! So she had to live down everyone knowing about her big fake lips. Also since they were packed with silicone, certain medical concerns came up over time.

plastic angels

The major difference between silicone and collagen is that silicone is permanent, whereas collagen is temporary, and eventually gets reabsorbed by the body. So with collagen you have to make repeated trips to the doctor to get your lips topped up or they start deflating like party balloons or inflatable couch cushions. If you want to avoid those down in the mouth periods then you can go for silicone. Trouble with silicone is that it can react with the body over time, just like those breast implant horror stories everyone’s heard about for 15 years now.

saving face & down in the mouth – there’s no people like show people

Medical issues are exactly what Rinna faced during her “Harry Loves Lisa” reality TV series.Since Lisa’s lips had been a topic of conversation for some time it might be a smart idea to confront the subject in her show. She’d been coy about answering lip related questions before, so maybe now would be a good time to focus some of that curiosity into her new show. Lisa did a quick fess up on some of the more popular morning chat type shows, and then booked a doctor’s appointment. It was a near perfect scheme since it gave Lisa a semblance of creditability by admitting to something that everyone already knows, it attracts some attention to her show, plus she gets that lip problem fixed. It would have been a no lose scenario except for the undoing of so many near perfect schemes – the unforeseen.

watch your mouth

When Lisa visited her doctor for the delipping consultation she ran into the unforeseen. The doctor told her that her lips were in worse shape than she thought. For one thing the silicone had hardened, just like in breast implants. So getting all of the stuff out could be problematic. Since the show must go on, Lisa went ahead with the lip reduction and hoped for an uneventful recovery. Her recuperation period has not only been eventful, it’s born out some of her doctor’s concerns.

tissue issues

For one thing her lip reduction wasn’t straight forward. 20 years of carrying that around in her mouth left her with some tissue damage. Now her lips aren’t healing as fast as she expected. In fact her surgeon has told her that it could take as much as 6 months to recover. He told her more to, like be careful when you smile cause your lips might burst. So the upshot is that after 25 years in the business Lisa’s lips are getting a well earned vacation, pending possible retirement!

if the wind changes you’ll stay that way

Now lip might sound a bit far fetched but lip explosions really can happen. Stephanie Seymour’s lips are rumoured to have burst during a transatlantic flight. Her mouth was packed with enough gel to get her on a no fly list under today’s restrictions. When the jet hit high altitude and the cabin pressure dropped the pressure got too much and one of her lips ruptured.

Lisa lips – the scariest thing in her life!

So Lisa is taking no chances. She says that she’s taking it easy on her lips until she gets the green light from her doctor. Until then there’s no smiling, no laughing, and she’s avoiding talking as much as possible. Just to be on the safe side. In fact both Lisa and her husband Harry Hamlin are quit concerned about it. Says Lisa “This is turning into the scariest hing in my life. I just hope it doesn’t look deformed.” A friend goes on to comment that concerns over her lips are driving her crazy. So that’s proof for all of you who think that celebs are vain, insensitive, and shallow folk with egos instead of human feelings. It may have taken awhile but Lisa’s lips are having the same effect on her now that they have on many others for years!

One thing remains the same; whether she’s getting them pumped up or deflated, her lips continue to be a big deal. In fact they’re still one of Lisa’s most talked about characteristics! You could say that Lisa’s relationship with her lips is a little like the case of the tail wagging the dog except it might be even more like those old horror films about the ventriloquist who gets taken over by his dummy! Now – like Pamela Anderson and her breast – it’s tough to tell who’s really running the show and who’s just along for the ride. Congratulations to Rinna for finally putting her mouth in it’s place before it ate her career & life. Hope everything works out for an otherwise good natured lady! Besides, maybe Bill Clinton will finally stop stalking her now.

best face forward – just don’t get off on the wrong foot

You can’t blame Lisa. Woman are judged more on appearance than on performance. The result is that even very accomplished women can fall into the insecurity trap of image tweaking. By taking matters into her own hands perhaps Rinna can send out the right message. Just in time too, before Contessa Brewer’s new lips became permanent!

Contessa Brewer looks swell, and maybe swollen!

contessa brewer big lips
PS. Lisa, if you’re reading vitamin E oil – like you get by breaking the capsules, greatly speeds the healing process. As usual check with your physician before trying. As for Contessa, try putting an ice pack on that till the swelling goes down!


National Enquirer giving Michael Douglas 3 months

Remember when the National Enquirer gave Michael Jackson 6 months to live? That was back around 6 months before he died. They almost got as much creditability out of that as they do from their Pulitzer prize nomination. Naturally the encouragement sent them on a deathwatch spree, and they were predicting the immanent demise of everyone in Hollywood, up to and including Oprah & Kirstie Alley – some of Hollywood’s biggest stars in other words. That lead to a blow up on Twitter. Kirstie tool some kind of personal exception to the Enquirers little death prediction – celebrities can be so sensitive – and declared all out war on the mag. She even published the home address of the reporter who had given her for years (so unappreciative for the gift of time), and encouraged whatever fans that she might still have (There are still a few of us Cheers watchers out here!) to harass the hapless journalist! After that the Enquirer went back to their preoccupation with John Edwards’ active love life.

The Enquirer has got their nerve back and re entered the celebrity death business. This time they’re giving beleaguered Michael Douglas 3 months to live. Even casual celebrity gossip followers know that Douglas – one of America’s most talented film makers – is doing battle with a serious case of cancer. However most people decided that he would overcome this, and so went on to other concerns.

Douglas’ many friends, colleagues, acquaintances, and well wishers were sounding optimistic. Shia Labouef – his Wall Street 2 co star – claimed that Douglas would beat this cause he’s “a wolf“. Then again Labouef has every reason to pull for a Douglas recovery. Shia pulled a Megan Fox and publicly criticized his former Hollywood sponsor Steven Spielberg, claiming the director had dropped the ball on the latest Indiana Jones – man are those movies getting old. Ordinarily that would be career suicide since directors have been known to take such comments as personally as Kirstie Alley might take a tabloid death prediction (anyone heard from world’s sexiest woman Megan Fox lately?). However Shia probably felt that he’d made a powerful new friend with Douglas and so his working relationship with Spielberg was now expendable. Nobody plans on death – unless they’re suicidal.

As Douglas conditioned worsened everyone got less optimistic – and Labouef got more nervous about his future (it must be nice to know that at least one person is really pulling for your recovery). Some serious talk about when MD might pass from the mortal coil began. Some gossip had the actor down to 145 pounds. Still more talk had him refusing the more difficult forms of cancer treatment. Tabs were even printing stories about Douglas requesting Catherine Zeta Jones have one more child by him, as a going away present.

Now the Enquirer has come right out and announced that Douglas is about to pass on. They’re featuring it on next weeks cover, along with their official prediction of 3 months left. Further more they’ve down graded his weight to 139. They’re also referring to a mysterious secret that Catherine Zeta is hiding from him. So if you’re following the tragic Michael Douglas story this might be worth checking out. That is unless it would feel too vulturish or something. Not tht it should feel especially vulturish. It’s been noticed more than once that the fame business is something like offering your flesh up for sale in a for of professional cannibalism.

If that’s too morbid then you can check out Elin’s ultimate revenge on Tiger Woods!


Michael Douglas has throat cancer – Julia Roberts goes holy cow

When it rains it pours. First Michael Douglas’ oldest son Cameron is arrested for drug trafficking, now the actor himself is diagnosed with throat cancer.

In other, less tragic, news Julia Roberts decision to convert to Hinduism has created turmoil at home. Roberts made the jump from Christianity to Hinduism while filming Eat Pray Love in India. She was so taken with the teachings on meditation and reincarnation that she even had her children renamed after Hindu gods and goddesses, and had the production blessed by a swami (hopefully not the same guy who predicted that Brad Pitt would dump Angelina Jolie to go back to Jennifer Aniston several years ago).

The children is where the trouble comes in. Julia’s husband Danny Moder is Catholic, and is outraged that Roberts would take her children out of the fold and into some heathen religion. As a matter of fact the couple have had so many blow ups over it that sources are referring to it as a domestic holy war. Danny’s dad and Julia’s Mom aren’t thrilled about Julia’s new religious convictions either, not to mention the possible effects of full tilt veganism on her children’s development. Young Americans don’t grow up to be strong healthy linebackers on a diet of tofu & lentils!

Not that the concerns of family and friends would deter Julia – when she wants something she goes for it (That’s how she got Danny). So sorting this mess out sounds like a job for Oprah Winfrey (who’d better step in before Bill O Reilly accuses Roberts of undermining Christianity).

Speaking of making an uproar, the trailer for Joaquin Phoenix new flick I’m Still Here is out, and here it is!


When Enough is Enough

Fallen Idol

American Idol Fantasia has been busy recently. She wrecked a marriage, got herself into a sex video (the surest path to celebrity according to celeb spawn Dakota, or Montana, Fishburn). Now Fantasia figured that she didn’t need that kind of PR and so she took and overdose. Original speculation was that the pressure of home wrecking and sex tapes got to her and she was looking for the quick way out. Now it turns out that she only took an overdose of Aspirin and Sleep Aid. So she ain’t exactly in Lohan territory. Now that has everyone asking whether the OD was a sympathy ploy, or just an attempt at some extreme relaxation that went a bit too far. Here’s the official word on the along with some other none news (Well except for the part about Mark David Chapman – then again no one expects him to get paroled anyway!).

Paris Hilton could’ve told the girl that celebrity sex tapes, like death, might be an excellent career move but on a personal level it just doesn’t get you anywhere.

emergency belligerence

Some one who has become an overnight celebrity would be Jetblue attendant Steven Slater. slater flipped out when he got hit in the head by a uncooperative elderly passenger. After asking the lady nicely to behave, and then being told to “fuck off”, Slater went on a profanity laced intercom tirade. After calling the passenger out, he the made good his escape through the jet’s emergency exit. That was after grabbing a few brews on the way out. I’m sure that he needed to settle his nerves.

When the police caught up with him there was to be even more embarrassment. He was apparently caught in the act with his partner when police invaded his home. Plus the story went viral. Youtube may have gotten the ball rolling but the rogue flight attendant is being hailed as a hero by everyone who wishes that they had the guts, or where even able, to say “Enough!” So that leaves the story where it is presently: with Slater out of work and talking to lawyers. So you don’t need to be Kreskin to figure out that the lawsuit is coming next.

So Mr. Slater has become the worst kind of celebrity – an unemployed hero. It only goes to show that fame just ain’t worth it. It’s even worse than a life of crime, since if crime pays, then fame costs. Besides their ain’t no future in the hero racket. Pay is lousy, benefits suck, and you can’t even count on wearing really eye catching fetish wear anymore! So unless you’re Wonder Woman, or have a really rockin’ sex tape, do yourself and the rest of the world a break – opt for the quiet life. Whatever you do, don’t get your McNuggets in a twist!


Mel Gibson more mama drama

Mel in the Family

If they still had those classic boozy celebrity roasts rife with crude humour and clumsy sarcasm, like the kind Dean Martin used to specialize in back in the early 70’s; then Mel Gibson would’ve been the superstar most likely to have been roasted, up to the past few years. He was a superstar of almost Rat Pack proportions. Nowadays he’s the celebrity most likely to get slow roasted over hot coals. Some of that has to do with his ex girlfriend/baby momma Oksana Grigorieva; and a lot of it has to do with the awful stuff Mel was caught saying on tapes that Grigorieva illegally made.

Hey Mel, Jesse James would like to thank you for getting the heat off of him!

Back in the days when Mel was still enjoying his booze fueled fling with the Plastic Russian, they’d fight all the time. Stuff that would make Britney & KFed look like Sunday school kids. Oksana often like to record these fiery exchanges; perhaps for sentimental value, or maybe it has some thing to do with her being Russian (you know how they were for secret recordings, especially back in the old days). Anyway a lot of stuff got said and recorded, usually while Mel was drunk of his head. Stuff like Oksana’s “a pig in heat who should be raped by a pack of niggers“.

stupid like a fox

Naturally the tapes were source of concern for Mel (He was concerned that the tapes existed, not that he’d actually said the stuff – big difference. Mel might make movies about Jesus Christ but he “ain’t stupid, if you know what I mean” Savvy men of the world are always more sorry about getting caught than about what they’ve done.). Similar comments made by Sandra Bernhard about then vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin effectively ended the mediocre comedienne’s successful career (without in any way impacting on Sarah Palin’s momentum). So Mel went to court and had the tapes banned.

Well some how the tape got leaked to the media sources – radaronline and TMZ. That’s how we know about he ‘pig in heat’ comments. Reps of both outlets listened to the tapes in their entirety. Though they wouldn’t publish them, fearing their own legal liability in posting tapes that had been banned by the court; reps of the agencies did vouch did vouch for the content, with plenty of quotable quotes.

TMZ would like to ask if you’ve stopped beating your girlfriend yet?

The latest bombshell, which might be the one that decisively sinks Mr. Heartthrob’s battle ship, was one recently referred to by the usual Internet sources. The bombshell is an admission by Mel, on tape, that he beat Grigorieva. On the tape a teary Grigorieva is asking Mel how he can strike a woman holding a child twice in the face. Mel responds “you fucking deserved it!” It seems to be the ‘you fucking deserved it‘ comment that has many of Mel’s former female fans ready to break out the razor blades on iodine on his sorry hide.

Braveheart – from heart breaker to face breaker

It get’s worse. This argument was the one during which Oksana supposedly got her front teeth knocked out. Mel’s people are denying that any kind of violence ever took place. However there is supposedly a DVD out there some where floating around like a mine at sea, which shows Oksana’s bloody and bruised face following a Mel Gibson attack. Mel’s people are supposedly desperately trying to verify the existence of the tape, locate it, and then terminate it’s potential as a threat. Sounds very CIA doesn’t it? Can’t really blame him. As Chris Brown could tell him, pictures speak much louder than words!

Oksana Grigoreiva has officially denied through TMZ & Radaronline, that she leaked the tapes. She did say that she began making them after Mel made repeated threats on her life.

Michael Lohan: Dining out on bad parenthood

Mel isn’t the only celebrity in a world of grief these days. Lindsay Lohan has finally got sentenced to 90 days in jail, plus 90 days in rehab. While Dina broke down in court, shrieking “Why, why, why?” – because you’re daughter is a drug addict who endangers the lives of others every time she gets behind the wheel of a car – and insisting that this was “so not fair to my child” & that’s true cause it should’ve happened years ago; Michael Lohan hit the bars, Hours after the sentencing he was pictured living it up @ The Saddle Ranch. That’s reputedly the wildest bar on Sunset Strip! I’m sure that Michael just needs to blow off some grief so that he can keep up his hectic schedule of media conferences & press releases.

michael lohan lives it up at the Saddle Ranch on Sunset Strip hours after Lindsay Lohan's sentencing

irresponsible combinations

As for Lindsay, she’s been getting some help keeping it together. Lindsay had some dental work a little while back. It was a wisdom tooth procedure. Now you know how risky these things can be with celebrities. It was a wisdom tooth extraction that allegedly sent Mischa Barton to the psych ward on a 5150 hold order (filed by her mother?). Lindsay is a sensitive soul, so her dentist made sure that she was loaded up on goodies to see her through the trying weeks ahead, namely Dilaudid & amphetamines. Dilaudid is 3x more powerful than morphine!

Dilaudid & amphetamines seem like an irresponsible combination to give to a desperate and unstable woman at the time of her sentencing, but give the dentists a break. Lindsay is too old for a lollipop, unless it’s a Fentanyl lolli. Just keep you fingers crossed for Lindsay during the next few weeks, cause Dilaudid + amphetamines is a recipe for an overdose!

BTW a heads up to Olivia Munn fan’s. Olivia, occasionally featured int his very blog, has her new book out soon. This after getting a walk on in Ironman 2 (she was the reporter at the Stark Expo), and after being the rumoured choice to play Wasp in the upcoming Batman! She’s a busy gal. She also regularly makes the men’s mag’s 100 hottest chick lists! Keep appraised of Munn’s book news through her twitter account Oliviamunn!

Had DC only realized what a rich vein of subtle self parodying humour could be found in Wonder Woman (like Superman back in the golden days when the comic was basically a situation comedy instead of a graphic novel narrative!), then they might have avoid the recent issue 600 major overhaul!

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