More Trouble for Earl Girl

7 Simple Dares to fuck up your wedding you’re halfway serious about entertainment gossip, then you’re familiar with the antics of My Name Is Earl girl Jaime Pressly. By antics I mean stunts like pissing in the street and driving around loaded. Now this ain’t stuff she did on the show we’re talking about, but some wacky real life stunts. Her street pissing got caught on camera during her bridal shower. Before anyone could ask whether Bridezilla was marking her territory in an pre wedding estrogen frenzy, Jamie explained that she wasn’t really peeing, it was from a water bottle placed beside her and out of camera range. Oh yeah and it was dare #7 on her bridal party dare list. Since that marriage is currently defunct I guess it wasn’t worth the public urination stunt.

flyin’ high & DUI

As for the DUI – that involved Pressly blowing a 2.2 on the breathalyzer. That’s Boris Yeltsin level drunk (Remember Boris? He was such an alchy that he got caught naked in a Moscow river after a bender – back when he was still running for Pres of that country. He claimed that it was an assignation attempt by his political enemies. Everyone in Moscow split their guts laughing at that – though some in the West almost took it seriously.). So she probably had no business behind the wheel of a car. She was so hi – allegedly – that she could’ve flown without benefit of a plane. Upshot is she got busted and of course plead not guilty. She’s current out on $15 000 bail.

look out for an attack of the Starwhackers!

Well looks like Ms. Pressly has more to worry about then police spot checks. Word is out now that Jaime is in trouble with the IRS. Her trouble stems from about $600 000 in unpaid taxes. The bill breaks down to this: there was some confusion about Ms Pressly’s 2008 taxes, so the IRS filed a $281,699 lien against her back in Sept. 2008. That didn’t get paid (her stylist was handling it *wink*), so another lien of $260,370 got added to that back in Dec. Another lien of $95,080 got tacked on in June 21 (solstice day – do you smell the foul hand of the Illuminati at work?), perhaps just for cheesing of the IRS with her tardiness and giving everyone a hard time. Add those liens up and the total is trouble!

you know you’re in shit when: Pressly’s publicist could not be reached immediately for comment’s hard to say (but easy to guess) what Ms. Pressly’s personal problem is (next stop – rehab), beyond drunk driving and public urination; except to say that Pamela Anderson took more than a decade to get herself fucked up that far in arrears (and then she began screwing the electrician just to get her renovations done!). Besides Pam had a genuinely successful career on an international hit TV show – not a supporting role on a TV comedy (though she started out that way – Tool Time), which gave her more rope to hang herself with. Pressly has done this on a shoe string, in comparison.

following Jessica Simpson down the path of blond perdition

Whatever her personal problems, Pressly has a serious financial problem. Her tax beef is on both state and federal levels. Federal is as bad as it gets. No matter how she’s gotten there, though, she is in deep shit this time. The IRS has taken down celebrities before – Wesley Snipes and Willie Nelson; so they’d have no compunction about tossing a TV supporting actress from a defunct show into the slammer. They nailed Martha Stewart for less. Add that messy divorce from entertainment lawyer Simran Singh (divorce a lawyer and the next thing you know you’re in shit with the government – go figure) – since they’ve only been married for a few months it can’t be amicable, no matter what publicists say – and this could be one humdinger of a year for the Earl Girl.


Lindsay Lohan: On the Bubble, Again

repeat offender

What in the fuck is wrong with Lindsay Lohan?” That’s what the celebrity gossip world is asking after the young actress flunked yet another court mandated drug test. Since last night’s wondertrash post, the exact substance of concern has been made known and it is none other than cocaine. Lindsay herself admitted this via Twitter. She made a brief 140 character statement owning up to her latest misdeed. In addition to admitting that she was on coke, she also owned up to having a problem. Now that’s not saying much; and admitting the obvious may merely be an attempt to preserve some credibility after all other options have been exhausted.

A little Michael Lohan goes a long way

That brings us back to the question of Lindsay’s problem. Her father Michael, as usual, has an opinion. He claims that if he’d been in her life after her release from jail/rehab, none of this ever would have happened. That raises another good question; ‘where the hell was he?‘ not only post release, but in the half dozen or so years previous. The short answer to that is in and out of jail on various charges from fraud to assault. On second thought less of Michael Lohan might be better than more.

go to your room!

There’s also the opinion that since the courts have been notoriously easy on Lindsay, she’s got no motivation to straighten out. These DUI related charges have been getting recycled through the legal system for years now – ever since Lindsay first started going off the rails circa 2007. Back then she smashed up several luxury sedans and pricey cars – 3 in a matter of months – before finally getting nailed. That got dismissed pending her completion of some court ordered self help work. Lindsay either did the minimum required, or skipped completely, so that she was required to appear before court again and again, for more stern talking to’s. No matter how many times she was told to go and think about what she’d done, she never got around to changing her ways.

a bad case of celebrity personality disorder?

Finally there’s the expert opinion, from celebrity observer Will Lee. In discussion with ABC News he hits on something that wondertrash regulars will have known all along. Let’s call it the obvious. According to Mr. Lee, Lindsay problem is that she’s an actress, and they’re a fucked up breed. Worse for Lohan she’s been an actress since childhood (which is better at least than being born one like poor Drew Barrymore). That’s a serious condition, similar to Cameron Douglas style pre adolescent drug addiction. In other words she became conditioned to a life of play acting and make believe.

blame Hollywood

Added to the general lose of touch with reality is the Follywood milieu which not only supports but encourages a high degree of immaturity. As Mr Lee calls it ” A perpetual summer camp without adult supervision”. Follywood denizens are encouraged to live the dreams and take it to the limit, as far as their hearts desire. So the town ain’t in the business of telling people “no”. Here’s Mr Lee to describe the situation in his own words:
next role – Jerri Blank!

Mr. Lee seems to be a very articulate and insightful gentleman (he must be a wondertrash reader!). He covers the essential points too: errant father, enabling mother, lax legal system, Follywood lifestyle. So the simple answer is that there’s no simple answer to Ms Lohan’s woes. Or at least no one answer. It is safe to say that we will be hearing more from her, at least on Twitter if not in a professional capacity!

Starbucks once again safe for the beautiful people!

Speaking of outrages against justice, remember that chick who got doused with acid outside a Vancouver Washington Starbucks? To refresh your memory she was the one who said that a black woman did it. That incident provoked an outpouring of sympathy, and no shortage of racists comments on youtube. It turns out that the whole thing was a hoax. No the woman’s face really was damaged with acid, however there was no black woman involved. It turns out that she did it to herself! What could have been her motivation? Here now are some of the usual professional commentators to speculate on the motive to her madness.

A black person did it!” White folks always fall for that line. BTW regarding the many spelling, grammatical, and syntactical errors on this blog – black computer hackers. A whole gang of them! It’s a pack of Steve Urkels abusing their computer skills to mess up my blog and undermine my credibility!


The Halderman Files

Letterman alleged blackmailer Robert Halderman gets arraigned today as the courts try to determine whether he’s a criminal or merely an unscrupulous businessman. Defense argues that’s a fine line!

David Letterman’s
alleged blackmailer former CBS producer Robert Halderman gets arraigned today. The court will try to determine whether spurned lover Hladerman is a criminal, or merely an unscrupulous businessman. Halderman’s lawyer is bragging that the case is gonna be dismissed because there’s lots of stuff we don’t not. What ever that stuff is, he’s not telling, yet.

I suppose that justice will be served, as long as Halderman doesn’t get some kind of bonus or federal stimulus package!


Spiderman 4


Jackson Doctor May Soon Be Indicted


Charlie Sheen ordered to appear in court

Charlie Sheen’s marriage may be still on, but so is his trial!

Brooke swears that she still loves Charlie – he only threatened to kill her, allegedly. It’s not like he slept with 100’s of cocktail waitresses and escorts. Then she might’ve been justified in taking a golf club to his noggin’ for an old fashioned floggin’! Meanwhile she’s left those charges simmering on the back burner – as if to remind him that he’s better off on her good side right now.

As for Charlie, he says that he wants to reconcile too! However the ‘bad Brooke’ stories are coming out fast & furious: she was arrested on DUI, she was in rehab while preggers, and now Perezhilton is reporting that she was a crack addict! This bad news has got to be coming from somewhere. So no matter how much they say that they still love each other, this sounds more like a cold war than a reconciliation.

Looks like Hanes is dropping Sheen faster than if he was Tiger Woods. Maybe that ‘underwear bomber’ would be available to do a few endorsements for them.


Going Their Own Way


There have been more dubious Tiger Woods sightings than Elvis sightings. This is becoming like “Where’s Waldo”!


In other news we know exactly where Redmond O Neal is going. The son of Ryan O Neal and the late Farrah Fawcett was busted for drug possession while on a 24 hour pass for rehab. That broke the terms of his probation. So it looks like young Redmond is going back to jail for another 30 days.

…gone too far?

Natalie Portman has some very specific ideas about where her career is going. In an interview given to UK Elle for Feb the actress says that she tries to stay away from ‘portraying Jews’ and ‘Holocaust stuff’. Say Postman – birth name Hershlag:

“I’ve always tried to stay away from playing Jews. I get like 20 Holocaust scripts a month, but I hate the genre.

The actress claims that she prefers comedy. She also has some mixed feeling about her role as a sexualized child assassin in Leon. Say Hershlag, I mean Portman:

“There was a lot of controversy about the whole Lolita thing. My parents were super-protective about it, but I got a lot of weird letters. It was really upsetting. I didn’t want to be seen as a sex object, so I went in the opposite direction. I’m definitely not a prude about sex or nudity, I just don’t want to do something that will end up as a screen grab on a porn site.”

I think we’ve heard about such super protective parents before, like Teri Shields. Now if you want to remember Nat’s real name just think “Her slag” and add an extra ‘h’!

Gone back together

There is some good news amongst the bad.

Amor Vincit Omnia! Why let a little thing like an alleged Christmas knife fight stand in the way of what could be a beautiful relationship. Besides, who else would have either of them?

Going down under

Miley Cyrus is going too, but in this case it’s only temporarily. She and her new boyfriend Liam Hemsworth (I guess that underwear model that her dad Billy Ray liked so much is gone) hit the beach in Australia during a brief getaway. Though Miley is gone, fortunately (or unfortunately – depending on whether you’re a Miley fan or not) she’ll be back in time for some awards show or another!

BTW Miley was one of the 1st celebs to depart from Twitter.

Going their separate ways?

What would a week without Britney be like? Her ‘former’ fiance Jason Trawick may soon find out. Though they were planning some kind of engagement last month, they’re are already taking a break.

Skip the marriage and go right to the separation? I like that clear headed, sensible approach!

Gone but not forgotten

Michael Jackson is gone, but we’re hearing so much about him it’s like he never really left. For instance Lenny Kravitz is denying that he leaked a song he collaborated on with Jackson (That’s sensible since Sony, who owns the song, is having a fit about the security breach. If only airports took security half so seriously as media conglomerates do!). The song is already making the rounds of the Internet, but Kravitz is denying any knowledge or responsibility!

So it seems to be ‘go,go,go’ in the exciting world of celebrities. If only they knew when to stop! Many of them could use a short vacation – if only to give the rest of us a breather. If they can’t take a short vacation, then they should at least take a long commercial break!


Steve McNair Case Unfolding


Chris Brown is still trying to set the record straight


Look out Miley Cyrus, ’cause Polanski’s coming to America!

Look out Polanski for that matter. So much has changed since Roman Polanski was last in the land of the free. For one thing rapists use Rohypnol now. Quaaludes are scarcer than hen’s teeth. For another most of the fast chicks have built up a mighty tolerance to drugs and alcohol. For instance they say that Kate Moss swallows Rohypnols like M&M’s, to beat her insomnia. Then again at 36 Moss is about 25 years too old for Polanski.

For another thing modern young women don’t go in for old fashioned come ons like the photography routine, or even a dip in the whirlpool. Should Roman pull such quaint moves on Lindsay Lohan or Miley Cyrus they’d probably laugh in his face. Those girls prefer high velocity stripper pole twirling, or flashing their vag’s out the window of speeding cars. They’ve probably forgotten more than a dockside hooker will ever know. So champagne, a camera, and a fist full of quaaludes is about the equivalent of showing up at the front door with a box of chocolates and a bouquet of daisy’s. How could a Britney Spears respond except perhaps with “You poor sweet silly old man – are you trying to slip me a mickey?”

While Polanski’s old fashioned creepiness might come off like Bela Lugosi’s Dracula in the modern Follywood jungle, the jungle might come off as disillusioning to the elderly predator. If Polanski’s searching for innocence he gonna be hard pressed to find it. Today’s modern starlet, like Mischa Barton, hasn’t been innocent since – well ever. Current rumours about Barton is that she started going off the rails with booze and pills at 14 (That makes her a late bloomer. Drew Barrymore had completed rehab by that age. Then again these modern girls don’t like to go to rehab. It interferes with their partying. Their parents are much less likely to urge them to seek help either – it would interfere with the work schedule!). Trying to seduce an adolescent actress who’s got meth face and crazy eyes, while she’s babbling about cutting herself might leave ole RP wondering which one of them is the innocent. That’s the downside of living a life on the lam – life goes on without you. In today’s Hollywood he might be as out of place as Bela Lugosi in a Quentin Tarantino flick.

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