Gossip Overload

Heather Locklear hospitalized

Things are heating up so hold on to your hats. 1stly Heather Locklear is back in hospital. She’s had an off and on battle with booze and pills for over 15 years. She kept it a well hidden secret by drinking on the sly and checking into hotels with a sobriety coach to dry out. It came to light back when her ex Richie Sambora started seeing Charlie Sheen ex Denise Richards. The strain may have been too much for Locklear and she went off the wagon. That’s when her years of secret drinking got out.

The on and off battle is on again with a vengeance. TMZ is reporting that Heather has been admitted to hospital for a booze and pills overdose. Heather’s sister found her and phoned authorities on 2:05 PM. That’s when the Verntura County Sheriff’s Dept got involved. Paramedics who arrived on the scene decided Heather needed to be hospitalized. This comes on the heels of her bust up with former Melrose Place co star Jack Wagner.

Lindsay Lohan – Lien on me

Locklear isn’t the only celeb having a hard time of it lately. Lindsay Lohan specializes in hard times and things are now getting seriously hairy for her. She’s had her brushes with the law from time to time, and usually she comes out ahead. This time the big guns are pointed straight her way. The big guns in question belong to the IRS, and these dudes don’t mess around.

Now everyone who’s been following Lindz knows that she’s run into some serious fiscal trouble lately. That’s because she’s been out of work for awhile. Paying of a pack of lawyers to keep her ass out of jail didn’t help the situation. Some stories have had her bumming money out of friends at the super market check out so that she could afford her Ben & Jerry’s. Her current situation is more serious. Seems that she owes Uncle Sam about $93 000 that she neglected to pay. SO the IRS is putting a lien on her.

Lindz, through her spokes persons, says that shew as unaware of the problem. That’s believable, since for one thing she’s had a lot of plates spinning. Sources also say that the tax bill got lost in the shuffle – Lindz recently replaced most of her financial management. The problem should be easy to fix. Lindz recently got a million dollar pay day for doffing her duds in Playboy. Besides, if things really get rough there’s always Dancing With the Stars!

Sinead O Connor in crisis

A mess with the IRS is bad but it could be worse. It seems to be for radical Irish songstress Sinead O Conner. If you’re beyond a certain age you’ll remember that she’s the one who tore up a picture of the Pope on SNL to protest Andrew Dice Clay’s participation in the show! Clay’s Jewish so it didn’t really make sense – but it was a long time ago.

Lately Sinead’s been erratic. Things started out innocently enough. She had a gig to cut some tracks for some new album. She got herself a Twitter account about the same time. At first the tweets were straight forward – the “hi how are ya” kind. There was even a good dose of self effacing humour – “I’m a gal you can take anywhere twice, the second time to apologize“. Then things started spiraling out of control.

Sinead got married to some guy. It only lasted 16 days. Then she started tweeting about how she needed a man real bad, especially if he was Robert Downey jr! She tweeted that she was developing some strange preoccupations with fresh supermarket produce, what without a good man being handy. Finally she took to the Tweet to ask her followers if they knew any good shrinks in the Dublin/Wicklow area. She explained that she was crying out to the world because Ireland is a poor place to look for help. Well it’s now been revealed that Sinead has attempted suicide a couple of times recently – once by overdose after a performance in LA last Thursday, in which Glenn Close was in attendance! Hopefully things will improve for O Connor.

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Casey Anthony’s Video Diary

For those of you who have heard about Casey Anthony’s video diary I’m sorry to tell you that the rumours are true – yes she does now have Kate Gosselin’s hair!

Psychomom has been getting a lot of flack lately for continuing to rub the public’s nose in her face. You can’t really blame her. Jail is like hell for a young horny psychopath and sometimes a gal can get lonely. Especially when the closest you can come to genuine emotion is greed, lust, and selfishness! Well never fear Casey cause there really is a guy out there for you and he’s headed straight your way!

Dreams do come true! Incidentally The Unit got busted for possession of the date rape drug Ketamine or Special K. That’s the veterinary horse tranquilizer Kate Moss used to take to calm down after a hard day’s night of allegedly cocaine fueled partying, and back in her heady Pete Doherty days! Cocaine Kate would down two of those – according to some internet gossip sites – just to get some sleep! Of course she had a lot on her mind back then what with Pete getting busted every 5 minutes and spraying blood on random passer bys. If you’re along time gossip follower than you know that it ain’t like it used to be back in the old days!

So the upshot is the celeb gossip has been in the doldrums lately, what with Paris Hilton take time off to develop her numerous brands and Lindsay Lohan in legal limbo. Even mouthy Megan Fox, the girl who can talk even when you don’t pull her cord, seems to have calmed down. Domesticity can do that. Another thing it can do is get some one like Sienna Miller back into the public eye.

Sienna shot to fame by getting jilted by Jude Law after stealing him away from his ex wife. Sienna got a lot of sympathy from folk who felt that Jude wasn’t playing the game right by cheating on his mistress like that. There are no rules but there is such a thing as how the game is played. The sympathy dried up when everyone found out what an alleged SLUT good timer Sienna is. She tool the break up like a real little chin up trooper by dating a merry go round whirl wind of lucky, if not edible, men; like Balthazar Getty. She also made more movies than she had any business doing, until some kind of rumoured falling out with Russell Crowe on Sherwood clipped her wings. Russy we got much to thank you for (say hi to Ryan Doyle next time yer by the Rock, B’ye).

So after GI Joe we kinda lost track of Sienna. I hear that shew as trying to talk herself into hot spots by claiming to be Mischa Barton for a while, but maybe that’s just made up trash you read on sites like this. Anyway those of you who have loved and missed Sienna, and are allowed of your cells to use computers will be happy to know that she has a new project in the works. After failing to revive her career by failing to revive her romance with Jude Law (he got smarter the second time around) Sienna decide to try something worth while and meaningful; like getting herself knocked up. It worked for Bristol Palin!

US Magazine is reporting that Sienna 30 and her current boyfriend (not everyone learns from others’ mistakes) Tom Sturridge 26 are expecting a baby. Now in case you’re wondering what Sienna sees in Sturridge, besides a sperm donor, one of his closest friends is Robert Pattinson. In fact in September, the duo went on a double date with Sturridge’s pal Robert Pattinson and girlfriend Kristen Stewart. The foursome knocked back drinks at London’s Groucho Club.

Now you might well be wonder what this has to do with today’s theme of celebrity crime and punishment. Well let’s just say that there ought a be a law! Then again maybe this is just a false alarm, and some info that’s got twisted out of context and blown out of proportion – like Sienna has finally found a new film job. Maybe even in a sequel to as popular Sci Fi series!

A burning Kim Kardashian question that can be answered without a Valtrex Rx!

Now you know that Kim Kardashian has a flip attitude towards marriage – allegedly (allegedly is the blogger’s get out of jail free card!) Either that or she values marraige like a terminal patient values life, by making the most of the short time available – depends on how you look at it. She’s got a lot of flack for that lately. How far does her contempt for the institution of marriage go though? Could she really be a home wrecker too? Head on over to Gossiprocks for that answer to that burning question!

Love American Style

Love and the age of Reality TV


Just because bloggers want to go on mad drunken tears for months at a time doesn’t mean that the exciting world of celebrity gossip comes to a stand still. In fact it goes remorselessly on. There are the new and developing stories like Kim Kardashian’s alleged marriage and very real divorce, after on 72 days to whomever it was that she was married to. While Kim hummed and hawed about giving the wedding gifts back – “why should I? People wanted me to have them and they help me feel better after my divorce” the mercenary TV personality might say -others wanted to know if it was true that she got a big 20 million pay out for the marriage, in the way of deals from cable TV nets works. For the amount of time that she was married those massive too big to fail pay outs almost amount to what Mike Tyson used to get fore his seconds in the ring, back in his glory days. Of course a marriage can be far nastier than any boxing match.

Truly love is a many splendored thing. Kim isn’t the only one to show it either. One of the big on going stories was the Passion of Saint Mel. Mel got into some heavy duty trouble when he started two timing Jesus with some Russian slut on the make. That wasn’t the best public relations follow up for his hi profile DUI and subsequent separation from his wife Robyn. When Mel got his new Russian sweetie Oksana Griegorieva preggers the shit hit the fan. That ultimately lead up to a whole mess of tape recorded phone calls get made public on celebrity gossip sites like Radaronline – you know how those commies are for wiretaps! It also lead to some domestic abuse charges in which Oksy claimed that she had been sacred and abused by a man who would not allow her the space for her love and gratitude to flow freely, and express it’s dubious existence in that way; as opposed to expressing it’s dubious existence through tape recorded phone calls and criminal charges.

Anyway that thing has come to a head now, for now. Mel has had his big court case on his crime against womanhood, and the judge has handed down the sentence. Basically it’s the usual celebrity deal consisting of community service, with some kind of rehab stint to get tacked on later if Mel ain’t enthusiastic about the comserve. Some celebs, like Lindsay Lohan, seem to have a real problem with that stuff. Any way here’s a short clip of our hero in his big meet up with the judge and she laid down the law – Hollywood style. Go on and grab a closer look cause you know that you want to!

no good deeds go unpunished even in Hollywood

BTW tings are getting nasty for the Kardashians with lots of rumors about her mom falling out with her BFF Kathy Lee Gifford. The National Enquirer is also reporting on some kind of Kardashian Oprah Winfrey rift. It’s apparently a falling out over charity in Haiti. While both women went there to be seen in the presence of the world’s unfortunates; Oprah roughed it with Sean Penn – and you can’t get much rougher than that except maybe Mickey Rourke 15 years ago, while Kim seemed more interested in snagging 5 star accommodations and getting pedicures! BTW Kim says the whole thing was way exaggerated. As if this wasn’t bad enough the Kardashains are having some problems with the help – no revolutions from down in the bowels of the Bastille or anything, as in the following short video:

I just hate it when people are exploitative, or exploited! Speaking of which Rick Perry has aimed some new gimmick at teens. That shows he has vision, meaning that since kids are too youg to vote he must be aware that he’s already blown it this time around. As for the gimmick – I think he’s floating a rumor that he’s related to singer Katy Perry or something.

Just what the youth of America crave – more Jesus! Anyway Jerky Dicky ain’t the only hi profile Repub making waves. Ron Paul is doing it without Jesus. He merely made recourse to a pop culture short cut by way of American Idol contestant Kelly Clarkson, and a Twitter outrage! Here’s somwething from that from our good friends over at the Young Turks (not that I know them personally or anything, I mean beyond trying to borrow money!)

That brings us to our final story of the day, and back to the themes of sex and crime with none other than Paris Hilton. Apparently the snow’s been falling out of season for her down in sunny California!

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Spiderman has sticky fingers

actor superhero scandal crossovers!

If you’re former movie Spiderman Tobey Maguire then you win some and you lose some. Especially if you dabble in illegal high stakes poker games! Maguire is one of many A Listers who meet for top secret hi stakes pokers game about twice a week. The hot shots like to meet at luxury suites in Beverly Hills hotels for Texas Hold’em. Tobe’s is one of the better players, and has allegedly won about 1 million over the past year! So how did he also lose ’em?

When there are better players there are also bitter players. One of those bitter players is a hedge fund manager named Brad Ruderman. Ruderman is a CEO of Ruderman Capital Partners. Now if gambling hedge fund managers give’s you the chills it gets worse. Brad was gambling with company funds! That’s how the FBI got involved. They claim the Ruderman has lost about $25 million of investor funds during these illegal poker games.

For those of you who find these sort of shenanigans disturbing then I’m happy to give you some closure. Mr Ruderman has been convicted of wire fraud, and 2 counts of investment advisor fraud. So he’s currently cooling his heels in a Texas jail until 2018. Though he lost about 300 000 to Tobey Spiderman Maguire, he ain’t the only hi roller to get rolled. Rumor has it that there was also a billionaire businessman, a record label owner, and a director.

Now here’s where it get’s sticky. Seems that this whole deal has gotten into civil court. Tobey is getting sued over some of his winnings. The former CEO’s former clients are taking Tobey to court to try and get some of the loot back! The suit has been filed in US Bankruptcy Court in Los Angeles. The idea is that since the games were illegal, by invitation only, and had a cast of regulars; then Tobey may be some how legally liable for some of that money he wasn’t supposed to have won.


‘As part of the scheme, funds invested in (Ruderman) were transferred to persons such as Defendant (Maguire), who received the funds on account of Ruderman’s gambling losses and on account of Defendant’s gambling winnings.,’ Radar Online reported from court documents.

Naturally Tobey has hired lawyers to help him keep his ill gotten gains. He also maintains that the games were not illegal. So this thing could go the full 9 yards in court. Now crooked investment fund managers squandering honest folks’ money on gambling and strippers – I don’t know whether or not strippers were involved but this is gossip so use your imaginations – might sound a little too 2008 to be interesting, remember that some hi profile movers and shakers were regulars at the Texas Hold’em matches. So far directors and record label owners have been mentioned, plus ‘plenty of A Listers’. So if Tobey is determined to fight this who knows who’s name cold get dragged through the muck when they get called as witnesses ( Leo DeCaprio had to be in on this thing, right?). Then there bound to be all kinds of colorful supporting players in the form of cocktail waitresses, sleazy girlfriends, not to mention the aforementioned strippers. So keep you eyes peeled on Court TV to see this thing play out. That is unless pressure is brought to bear, to make Tobey drop everything and shut the fuck up before to many delicate reputations get punctured beyond repair in the Age of Scandal! I hope one of those sleazy strippers had a Wonder Woman thing going on, just like that one who got caught on security cam with Robert Downey Ironman Junior!

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Andy still a dick

Even Gloria Allred wouldn’t touch this!

I’d say that Andy Dick is still fighting his demons except that these days his demons are probably ashamed to be seen with him. That doesn’t mean that Andy is ashamed to show his face out in public, and his his usual condition too; drunk and disorderly! Seems that Andy was out and about down in Temecula, CA. That’s ’cause fashionable LA establishments won’t let him on their premises. Anyway Andy was enjoying himself in a local restaurant when he got a little too high spirited. That’s a polite euphemism for got drunk out of his mind and made a fool of himself.

everyday is a reality TV episode

Now there’s no word yet on what sort of tomfoolery Andy was involved in (I’m assuming that it was more than a nipple slip), but it did result in the usual visit from the cops. Andy got charged with a misdemeanor charge of disorderly conduct with alcohol. Then he was escorted off the premises and to the nearest drunk tank. It must be reassuring to know that there are some establishments that still welcome him; even if it’s only into the Lindsay Lohan suite. Anyway Andy got some time to sober up and enjoy some complimentary jail house hamburgers before paying his $500 fine and being released. So he is once again free to pursue his new career as a public nuisance! Oh yeah, and he also got this nifty mugshot as a little memento!

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Uploaded with ImageShack.us

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Michael Lohan Arrested for Felony Domestic Violence

Michael Lohan: Fame is an octagon

It’s seems like trouble is the Lohan family business. On that score Lindsay seems to be the main bread winner with her frequent legal run ins and rehab stints. Papa Mikey is no slouch when it comes to rowdy hell raising himself. Mike has this problem which is that he occasionally likes to go ape shit on what ever woman is brain damaged enough to be dating him at the time. Like Kate Major. Kate was some kind of reporter or something with Star Magazine who got hooked up with and then dumped by Jon Gosselin. She rebounded on to Mike Lohan. I’d call that a case of sloppy seconds except that Major hasn’t qualified as ‘seconds‘ for many many helpings. She’s more like that thing festering in tinfoil at the back of the refrigerator.

Anyhow they were getting along famously and Kate was saying Lohan was the great love of her life, just the way she was saying Jon Gosselin was the great love of her life. It’s a lady’s perogative to change her mind – so Kate might as well try it too. Things were going along hunky dory until some one got drunk, we’re not sure who but it could have been both of them, and then the shit hit the fan. The story that trickled down to the public via twitter, the internet, and supermarket tabs, was that Mikey got home all liquored up and found Kate drunk and out cold in an arm chair. one thing lead to another as such situations often do and soon Kate was sprawled on the floor and the cops were on the way. This couldn’t have happened at a worse time for Mikey since he only had 2 weeks left on his probation for some previous domestic assault type incident.

Some guys never win. In Mikey’s case it’s more like some guys never learn. That’s because it appears lover boy has pulled another one of his patented shit for brains stunts. The details are so far sketchy, but it goes something like this:

“Mr. Lohan was arrested after we received a call around 9 p.m. regarding a domestic dispute. He was detained after he was spotted walking on the street near our station. He showed no signs of intoxication that I’m aware of and has been cooperative.”

At least that’s the version Lt. John Ratto gave People Magazine. Maybe Lt Latto is some kind of celebrity liaison officer. The slightly more detailed version as Lohan assaulting an unnamed victim. Lohan thens tarted complaining about an “unrelated medical condition” – I’m guessing chest pains. So he was rushed over to Cedars Sinai Hospital. He’s currently laying low there while he contemplates his next move.

That next move better involve a way to raise a hughnomous wad of cash, ’cause this time the police are holding him on 200 000 bail. It’s gonna be tough for Mikey to pull in those kind of funds since Lindsay is the oly one in the family with any kind of income. Her income is currently tied up in rehab bills and lawyers fees, stemming from her own particular brand of mayhem.

So look on the bright side – Japan may be about to go nuclear, the mid east may be dissolving in turmoil, Charlie Sheen is threatening to unleash violent torpedoes of truth on the nation in the form of a cross country stand up tour, and Donald Trump may be poised to run for office on a Sarah Palin presidential ticket; but at least Michael Lohan is off the streets and in some kind of supervised environment for an indefinite period of time. Every once in a blue moon the system works! There could even be an up side to this. Mikey might eventually earn his own living by pitching a reality TV concept where he fights other D List celebs! They could call the show Michael Lohan’s Starwhackers! It’d beat American Idol to hell!

Firecrotch Redhanded

As for the second most troubled member of the Lohan clan, Lindsay is set to pull a Mel & plead no contest to her jewelry stealing charges. Her mother Dina emphasizes that o contest is not the same as guilty – it’s completely different in the way that not guilty doesn’t mean innocent. She then goes on to call LA a fucked up town – that’s not news but saying it won’t make her any friends, and talk about some imaginary film projects she’s considering for her daughter.

Personally I’d recommend a few whacked out calls to Alex Jones (make sure to frequently mention starwhackers) followed by a Lindsay Lohan nation wide stand up tour. They could call it “Sticky Fingers“, or if the Rolling Stones get pissed over that then maybe “Firecrotch Red Handed“. Read about that over @ Zimbio!

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Paris Hilton prosecutor busted in coke deal



https://i1.wp.com/img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2011/news/110404/david-schubert-320.jpgParis Hilton is a gal who gets in and out of trouble. Like Lindsay Lohan she usually gets away with it. Usually it’s because she always lands on her feet. Sometimes one of her 9 lives comes in handy. Then there are those other occasions when her deal with darkness must be responsible. Like lately.

Paris has a fondness for the kind of party favours that you can’t get at your local 5 & dime variety store – not unless there’s a twitchy homeless guy standing right outside the door. These are the kind of party favours that can get you in a bit of trouble with the law. Trouble is what Paris got when she got nabbed with a significant amount of cocaine in a purse she later claimed wasn’t hers – even though it had all her ID in it. Naturally Paris had to go off for another one of those smashing mugshots of hers. She was then set free to continue with her own special brand of celebrity mayhem!

As usual when Ms. Hilton is involved things can take strange and unexpected turns. Like in this case. Paris was tried for her hard partying ways by a Las Vegas prosecutor named David Charles Schubert, 47. In fact he’s more than a prosecutor – he’s a chief deputy DA. He’s no stranger to publicity either since he also threw the book at Bruno Mars over his cocaine related misdoings. So he’s had some previous experience with drug busts and the kind of bad PR they can bring. No previous experience could’ve prepared him for what was about to happen – though he really should’ve known.

Seems that Dave was out and about, on the street as it were, when he ran into an old acquaintance. Never one to breeze past one of the little people Dave stopped to pass the time of day. One thing lead to another and pretty soon the chief deputy DA was making a drug deal. By drug deal I mean that the dude was buying crack.

Now there’s no shame in that. Chief Deputy DA is a rough job high on demands and with tons of pressure. You’re only as good as your last win because those hungry jaws poised just above you on the food chain are expecting results and not excuses. So sometimes having something that gives you a little added edge – like Popeye with his spinach – makes everyone happy. Everyone except for the poor buggers who get sent to the klink!

It’s a victimless crime and if no body sees it then no body gets mad. However in this case the aforementioned David Charles Schubert made a whopper of a mistake – he did let some one see him do it. The person who saw this dirty little deed go down was probably the worst person in the world to be standing near by when you’re buying dope off of a street dealer – and that’s and undercover cop! According to the Las Vegas Review Journal

Schubert was arrested by a Las Vegas police patrol officer about 4:51 p.m. near Desert Inn Road and Maryland Parkway.

The patrol officer saw what he thought was a drug transaction and stopped Schubert’s vehicle near Sierra Vista Drive and Cambridge Street, police said.

The result was that Schubert was whisked off to the very same facility that Hilton and Mars were taken to, and for much the same treatment: finger printing, mugshot, and I assume strip search followed by anal cavity exam. Officers of the court need to be held to higher standards so we don’t want anyone thinking he got off easy by slipping something up his sleeve, or up anything else!

So far Schubert is being cooperative – a really aggressive anal cavity exam will to that to you. However that attitude is a little after that fact. Since he got caught red – or white -handed, the prosecutors are going at him. His boss DA David Roger is particularly disappointed. He expressed his disapproval in the following terms:

“It’s disheartening to know the individual who I assigned to prosecute high-level drug cases is allegedly using rock cocaine. His future is bleak with the district attorney’s office.”

I haven’t heard such strong language since the last time I brought home a report card! The fact that Schubert was named to a high level Las Vegas anti drug task force probably heightens the disappointment. No one wants to think about a fox guarding the hen house scenario!

Not everyone is appalled and disgusted with this so called law enforcement officials sleazy shenanigans. Schubert’s erstwhile adversary – the Red Baron to his Snoopy – has spoken out in support of the disgraced, and by now tweaking like crazy, prosecutor. David Chesnoff is a hi profile Vegas attorney who’s crossed words with Schubert in both the Hilton and Mars cases. Chesnoff had this to say about his fallen adversary!

“I’m a big believer in the Constitution. I believe everyone is innocent until proven guilty. And I always root for the underdog. I will say this: David’s always been a real professional and always treated me with respect, so I wish him the best.”

Well there you go – trouble comes when you least suspect it and you find friends where you never thought to look. That ought’a do as a moral to this sad and sorry cautionary tale. That is unless you wanna make something out of it like – LEGALIZE DRUGS ALREADY! Then again others like a more traditional moral like “Men who live in glass house better not throw rocks – even if they’re rocks of cocaine“. As for myself, I’ll go for something more common sense and nonjudgmental, like “Make sure that your own nose is clean before you go sticking it into other people’s business!. Unless you’re an entertainment blogger that is – then go for it!

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Malcolm in a Mess

Increasingly adult situations continue to pose problems for child actors

Remember Frankie Muniz? He was the smart alecky high schooler and awkward middle child on Malcolm In The Middle. Since he portrayed a teen ager who had a thought in his head and who could confront increasingly adult situations with a glimmer of intelligence and sensitivity, it gave him credibility as an actor. The way it gave Fred Savage that years before, on the Wonder Years. Well that is before Fred got charged or sued by that wardrobe girl who claimed he felt her up.

I’m not a genius but I play one on TV

People had higher hopes for Muniz. He played a kid with a 160 IQ so that oughta count for something. Plus he seemed comfortable with letting go of fame. He wasn’t out trying to get some new series, or singing career on the go. He was doing other things to keep him interested. He started racing cars. Now that’s a sensible outlet to youthful exuberance, as opposed to crashing them on freeways. He did get a band on the go, but he played serious gigs. Not MTV type stuff angled at starting a performing career. So maybe this was one child star who’d turn out to be normal.

Trouble & Turnblow Love

If that’s what you expected then you might find the most recent news out of Muniz disappointing. Seems that Frankie’s latest increasing adult situation ain’t working out for him. Frankie has gotten involved with a girl –Elycia Turnbow. Turnblow has set herself up to be the Mila Kunis to Muniz creepy troubled Macaulay Kulkin. Not that I’m accusing anyone of playing the “How Does She Put Up With Him” game (read Eric Burns). Let’s just say that the more involved with Turnblow he got, the creepier and more troubled Muniz became. Maybe that’s what she likes about him. Who knows but let’s give her the benefit of the doubt.

Malcolm in a muddle

Anyway the latest increase in Muniz’s adult situation came just recently, and in the form of domestic assault. According to Muniz’s girlfriend (if she’s as much of a girl as she is a friend then she might be a female impersonator!) in her official police report: sometime last Friday they were arguing about previous relationships (she was threatening to leave and go back with her old boyfriend) when Frankie flipped the fuck out and got all despondent. That is a pulled a loaded gun and held to his own head. That was after he punched her in the head and shoved her into a wall. Then he made some noises about killing himself. Naturally she phoned for help, ’cause people need to know what sort of a lunatic she’s living with.

Love for the record

Not surprisingly Muniz had a different story. Firstly he claims, in his official police statement, that “I love her too much. She is the woman I want to marry.” A pathetic cry for help if I’ve ever heard one! After putting everything into context, he then he goes on to tell what he says really happened. He was sleeping last Friday when about 10 PM he was awakened by someone screaming and hitting him in the face. This was the love of his life, the aforementioned Turnblow.

love & other guns

Well Frankie says that what happened next was him just trying to defend himself from that onslaught of love taps. Except for the part about the gun. The gun wasn’t loaded, for one thing. For another he says he didn’t even pull the gun on himself, but the gun holster. It was just a way of making a point, like using air quotes. That Malcolm always could talk himself out of a spot.

Unfortunately this time the cops checked the gun, and found that it was in fact loaded. Perhaps the difference between Muniz and Charlie Sheen is that Charlie would’ve pulled the gun on the chick. So is that why he makes $2 million a week and Muniz can’t get arrested (even lately)? The wimp has no killer instinct!

no harm no foul, but don’t do it again

Maybe that’s also why Muniz didn’t get arrested. The cops checked both parties for injuries, and found none. So that left them with a ticklish “He said, she said” situation of the kind that makes hardened police officers check out for donuts when ever a domestic complaint is called in. Besides, what else could they do, other than impound the gun. Which they did. They also warned the young lovers that if they keep up the mischief, then the next time they’re both going to jail. Sounds like they were too cynical to decide who to root for in that situation!

I’m not normal but I play it on TV

So that upshot is that yet another child star is going off the rails, as Muniz has had his Fred Savage Moment. Which is almost ironic considering shat a good job he did off acting normal on his show. Then again there’s a lot of difference between acting normal and being normal. Whatever normal is. So we shouldn’t be too surprised that Muniz is in his current increasingly adult type situation. Remember that he’s only accused of turning a gun on himself, and not anyone else. So there’s hope for him. Wish him luck, readers!

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O.J. Simpson – the next chapter

Followers of the OJ Simpson story will be aware that justice – or something – finally caught up with the Juice. OJ was accused of killing his ex wife and her alleged lover, and that played out in a huge trial about 15 years back. It became a reality TV spectacle of shifty defense attorneys, incompetent prosecutors, and crooked cops. Designer accessories like Bruno Magli shoes became court exhibits. So it was a real LA deal. In the end the leading man went free.

pulp fiction

Since this was TV and not the movies, the public was unhappy with the outcome. So the scenario either needed a one armed man, or a ‘to be continued‘ format. Since the Juice couldn’t come up with a plausible alternative to his guilt – and anyone who’s ever watched TV from Perry Mason to Murder She Wrote realizes that the first step to proving your innocence when accused of a crime that could put you into the penalty box is to find some one else to blame and pin the thing on them! – That left the ‘to be continued‘ option. So we waited for the Juice to get his comeuppance!

follow the money

For awhile it didn’t look like that would ever happen. Ron Goldman got some measure of retribution by suing the Juice in civil court. He won a wrongful death settlement to the tune of $33 mill. However he and Nicole Brown’s relatives began fighting amongst themselves for the loot – which left a bad taste in every one’s mouth. Since it is forbidden by American civil law to use a law suit to financially ruin anyone, that left the Juice with his NFL pension as walking around money. While the Juice hit the links (pressure didn’t spoil his game, the way it threw Tiger Woods off!) and hung out with floozies, spectators waited to see how long he could keep getting away with this.

The Juice would never make it to the end zone. The financial squeeze eventually caught up with OJ. He began selling shit to raise funds. The National Enquirer reported that he’d boxed up some of his prized possessions like crystal chandeliers & solid gold humidors – both to cheat Goldman out of collecting on them, and to have them ready for either quick resale or speedy shipment out of the country.

booze & bad company in Vegas

He also began selling sports memorabilia under the table, through a friend, to make ends meet. That’s where the trouble ensued. The friend began double crossing OJ: selling the stuff and keeping the money for himself. So the Juice wanted to straighten things out – you know how important it is to see justice done. So while on a trip to Vegas for a friend’s wedding (imagine getting married and having OJ show up as a guest!) the combo of booze and bad company set the wheels of karma – or whatever – in motion.

junk in a trunk

OJ was drunk at the bar and bitching about getting double crossed when a few drunken companions convinced him that he didn’t have to put up with that. After all he was The Juice and wasn’t anyone to be trifled with. So the drunken trio some how got a gun (not surprising – it was in Vegas) and made their way across town to where OJ’s treacherous friend was selling his junk out of a motel room. The next thing OJ was waving a gun at the guy and demanding his money while some one – we know not whom – was calling the cops. Much of what transpired got recorded via cell phone, and replayed on TV. Worse still it was replayed at OJ’s kidnapping armed robbery trial.

looking for a jail with room for media baggage

Now the whole thing may have smelled of a set up, but OJ followed along. Plus the evidence was stacked up high this time. So OJ had to go down on 12 or 13 charges. He got a 33 years sentence, which makes you think that he was being sentenced for something else other than a fight over sports cards. Upshot was that The Juice was finally gonna start serving some serious jail time (unlike Lindsay Lohan). The only question was where to put him? Though prospective jailers insisted that in their institution OJ would be treated like any other prison, the fact was that he wasn’t. He’d be coming with a huge amount of media baggage. So now the problem was where to put him.

the Juice gets Lovelocked

OJ was originally sent to High Desert State Prison in Southern Nevada, for further assessment. While there he was a model prisoner. So that ruled out hard ass prisons. eventually authorities decided on Lovelock outside of Reno. Lovelock is known as a cream puff facility housing mostly sex offenders and other assorted creeps. Lovelock is a low – medium security facility where prisoners are monitored electronically.

bitchslapped!

Even housed among diddlers and peeping toms OJ somehow managed to get himself in trouble. Reports are coming out that the Juice recently received a jail yard shit knocking! No less an authority than Janet Charleston herself is reporting that OJ took a viscous beating from some fellow inmates. According to the rumors Lovelock is filled with white racists, in addition to child molesters and underwear bandits! It was in this racially and sexually charged environment that the Juice went around boasting about all the white chicks he’d had. Then he went one better and said that after they had been with him they never wanted to do white guys again. Then again he was probably never gonna win friends & influence people in a situation like that anyway!

no press is bad press, but no news is good news

When prison skin heads heard about all this loose talk they decided OJ needed another comeuppance. So they laid in wait for the former Hall of Famer. Then as he left the exercise yard, about 9 of them jumped him. The Juice got such a brutal shit knocking that he had to spend 2 1/2 weeks in the prison infirmary. Though it should be said that about 2 of those weeks were just to keep him away from the other cons. Also it’s kind of an embarrassment to the prison – no OJ news could do them any credit- so they wanted to keep it hush hush.

Minimum security – so extra security is gonna cost ya!

You should be glad to hear that the situation is currently under control. Though the Juice is loose – within the electronically monitored confines of his min security facility, he is well protected. He’s paying some of his fellow inmates to do body guard duty for him! Since he’s probably scared now, they can soak him for plenty, too! So I guess that only leaves us with the question “What next?”

PS Today is Valentine’s Day, or VD, and Wondertrash hasn’t forgotten about that. So here’s a little video treat to take the edge off of the occasion by reminding you that love can be wonderful!



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wondertrash

Lindsay Lohan is a Shady Lady

Badda-bling

When word got out about Lindsay Lohan’s latest misfortune. a lot of people thought “What, again?” Some wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. Not that $2500 necklaces get misplaced everyday. It’s just that Lindsay’s latest excuse sounded like it might hold just enough water, again.

Lindsay was accused of stealing the necklace from a jeweler she occasionally does some business with. The store owner claims that Lindsay took it without permission and that there’s video surveillance footage to back that up. Lindsay – who originally said “What necklace?” claimed that she was loaned the necklace for an event – as is commonly done in Tinseltown. She further went onto say that her stylist was supposed to bring it back, but fucked up. So it really isn’t her fault again. Problem is that while CCTV shows Lindsay wearing the piece, it doesn’t explain how it got out the door with her, and so doesn’t disprove her story.

Now when you have 2 low credibility version of the same story going head to head that usually leads to court; which is wear this thing is going. Lindsay got charged for this, although I’m not sure that there has been a time in the past 5 years when Lindsay wasn’t facing charges or under probation – and now has to face a judge. She being charged with a felony this time, too. SO this could mean slammer time for Lohan to the tune of 2 years. How’s that for facing the music?

The state has appointed a kick ass prosecutor too. That would be L.A. County Deputy District Attorney Danette Meyers. Meyers has gone up against Lindsay before, and has always gone for the max. This time seems to be no exception. In fact Lindsay past history of alleged thieving is being entered into evidence. What history is that? Well just to keep everyone current here are some episodes from Lohan’s checkered past:

— She was suspected of taking a $400,000 necklace in 2009 from an Elle Magazine photo shoot.

— She was accused of stealing a $12,000 mink coat in 2008 from a NYC nightclub.

— She was accused of taking a $35,000 Rolex from a “friend” in 2010.

So Sticky Fingers has been busy – allegedly. Believe it or not she skated on each of these charges, despite dodging out numerous probation violations over her drinking driving episode. This was because the powers that be wanted to cut the girl some slack, and because Lindsay has a way of coming up with just the right excuse. Stuff like “The coke in my pocket isn’t mine because this isn’t my coat. I picked it up by mistake when I was leaving the big coke party!” So she’s not guilty of coke possession because she grabbed some one else’s coat with their stash in it. Not like that probably wasn’t the idea, but it creates just enough doubt to make proving intent impossible. So Lohan goes free while anyone halfway honest would’ve been dropped in the pokey.

Now Lindsay is poised to walk free once again. The fact that she’s come up with more “plausible deniablity” shows that her defense strategy is already in place – “I didn’t do it, again“. It might even shed some light on what really went down. The defense only works if Lindsay really was loaned the neck piece. Which doesn’t mean that she didn’t have criminal intentions. Imagine if you will a scene in a mid range LA boutique. New sales person is working the cash when in comes La Lohan. She spends sometime chatting up your boss, and they get along like 2 old friends. Boss then takes off telling you to “Take good care of my friend“. Next thing Lindsay is asking is she can borrow a mid range priced item off the menu – reassuring you that your boss let’s her do this all the time, and she’ll totally have it back manana.

That leaves you with a difficult decision. You can play it safe and tell her to shove off, except that this kind of transaction happens all the time in Hollywood. Celebrities are special people and exceptions are often made for them. Besides you’ve just seen the boss schmoozing it up with her. So do you want to take a chance and piss off your boss? If it doesn’t work out you’ll be looking for a new job without a current reference. Besides it’s not like she picked out the biggest diamond nugget in the place and said “I’ll be leaving with this one“. So you’re left to your own judgment. That probably resulted in the boss coming back a few hours later, and blowing a gasket while screaming “Do you know what you’ve done? You’ve just let $25oo walk out the front door!

This is were we get into the area of intend. Poor judgment in a salesperson isn’t necessarily a criminal matter. Except that if this is how it went down you can almost hear how the wheels in Lohan’s head were turning at the time: “New girl here – unsure of herself, eager to please and fit in, I can handle her!” So she probably deliberately intimidated the girl into letting her walk out with the goods. That left the store owner with the ticklish problem of getting the merch back.

It also leaves the DA’s with the ticklish problem of how to handle Lohan again this time. Look for this to clue up with Lindsay walking, and the store employee – who will be pressured by their boss to say Lindsay took it (and so can look forward to keeping the job until the trial is over and their services are no longer needed) – to face possible perjury charges. If you’re gonna play fast and loose then you better know where the line is, and no one ever said Lindsay was stupid!

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wondertrash
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