Ellen Barkin in NYC streetfight

Barkin Mad

Ellen Barkin can be one mean bitch – at least she was in Johnny Handsome with Mickey Rourke back when they were both pretty. She may have lost her looks (probably in the divorce) but she still has her mean streak! She recently showed it while out and about on the streets of New York City.

Barkin was showing her support for the Occupy Wall Street movement (incidentally every Occupy movement in Canada has been broken up except for Occupy Newfoundland – they’ll be disbanding a half hour later!) when she felt things were getting a little out of hand. So she got a little out of hand. That lead to a case of push comes to shove with one of NYC’s finest.

Now to hear Ellen tell it they were rounding up school girls and herding them in tot he backs of paddy wagons, while tasering them mercilessly with stun guns. So Ellen quickly got in touch with her inner super hero and went Wonder Woman on them. She stepped up and asked the cop what the fuck he though he was doing. That’s when – acco0rding to her – he lost his patience with the mouthy old broad and shoved her onto the side walk. The tale of the tape seems to tell a slightly different story in which the cop merely pushes Barkin out of the way. See for yourselves. BTW Ellen’s the feisty little blonde in the black over coat.

http://www.youtube.com/get_player

Now it’s unclear from that who got in whom’s face – though sources say Ellen did tell the officer to fuck off. I’m sure Ellen was provoked to the use of profanity. I’m not trying to perpetuate the stereotype of actresses being histrionic and prone to wild exaggerations! She also took to celebrity venue of choice – Twitter – to vent her spleen – with more profanity – at the NYPD, and Mayor Bloomberg. Here are some of the highlights of her twitter feed –

“Just threatened on my street by NYPD, cop shoved me, both hands, onto sidewalk..Is it a crime 2 stand in the street in NY? WTF is going on here?”

“I was trying 2 make my way 2 young girl they had thrown in2 the van.She was not a protester. Was not drunk. She was walking home”

“F–k all of u, Bloomberg & every1 goosestepping behind u”

That confirms she knows how to use fuck in the correct context. Now I’m all for people exerting the democratic rights to free speech, even celebrities. I just hope that Miss Barkin has the discretion and tact to be very careful where she parks in NYC from now on. On the bright side the world has been spared the Ellen Barkin mugshot!

A quick update on the Katy Perry – Russell Brand bust up – round two has been fired with leaks from a source who may or may not be speaking for Katy. According to said source Brand is in to weirdo porn – stuff no decent person would look at, like guys in wheelchairs and possibly midgets! OK I made the part about the midgets up, but the wheelchair stuff comes by way of Celebitchy (Via Hollywood Life) quoting US Magazine – where Katy says that Brand is a sick sick man. Here are some of the highlights of that:

*Russell “duped” Katy with the prenup. Katy wanted to sell the photos from their Indian wedding, and she wanted Russell to sign a prenup, but he refused on both counts. Allegedly, Brand wanted to keep their wedding “pure” – he’s quoted as saying, “I want to make our wedding … normal, So it ain’t selling the pictures.” Meanwhile, since they filed in California, a community property state, “it could mean their assets will be divided down the middle therefore putting her $70 million fortune at stake. Their estate also includes $15 million in lavish properties all over the world.”

*Katy wasn’t “kinky” enough to satisfy Russell. A source says: “Katy was kinky enough during their first times together and he was very attracted to her. When things got bad, if they got a roll in the hay, they were always better after.” But the source also says that “despite Katy’s attempts to keep the spark alive in the bedroom by scheduling monthly date nights at swanky hotels, it was ‘never enough.’” This source, who knows intimate details about Katy and Russell’s lovemaking, also said: “He likes dirty things. He really gets off on one particular p0rn0 with a guy in a wheelchair. He’s attracted to things he can’t imagine happening to him. And he has a closet full of sex toys.”

*Russell hated being alone: “Russell always needs someone there and that’s not Katy,” the source says. “She’s busier than he is.”

*Katy’s hard partying lifestyle and friends really bothered him: “Russell can’t be in clubs because of his recovery and Katy didn’t want to give up the partying. She didn’t want to even compromise. That infuriated Russell.”

*Russell wanted to start a family: “When he asked Katy about [having kids],” the source says. “Katy would just smile and says she was too busy.”

*Russell wasn’t supportive of Katy’s career: “She had so many things going on this year and there were so many times he wasn’t there,” the source says. “He told her she wasn’t funny [when she hosted SNL] and he was totally uninterested [when he sat front row at her last concert]. He seemed annoyed he was there. I don’t think he sat through one whole song.”

So I guess we can forget about Brand and Katy always staying the very best of friends like his press release claims. Just can’t wait for their sex tape to get released (you know it’s out there!).

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Matthew Fox beaten up by a chick, Shia Labouef spits on Marylin Manson!

Former LOST star is a drunken slack jawed jerk (allegedly)!





I’m not gonna say that Matthew Fox is a drunken slack jawed jerk who likes to beat up on women ’cause that would be inflammatory as well as defamatory. So let’s just say that the former LOST star got beat up by a chick recently. “How’d that happen?” you might ask. Well Matt was drunk out of his mind and wandering around in public – usually a bad idea for a celeb, or in Cleveland Ohio in this case when he got a little confused. He was leaving a bar ans trying to do the responsible thing by getting a ride home. Unfortunately the poor man didn’t seem to know what the fuck he was doing, since he tried to crawl into bus driver Heather Borman’s vehicle uninvited. Heather had the following to say to Fox & TMZ

“He just kept staring at me with his mouth wide open and not saying anything. I told him, ‘You have to leave buddy. You are trespassing on my bus,'” she said.

The actor then reportedly leaned in and began punching Bormann in the breast and crotch area. She retaliated and punched the actor in the mouth, causing “a cut on his lip,” according to the police report.

“I took one hand to his jaw and he was spitting blood. He stumbled backwards,” Bormann told TMZ.

“This was my self-defense,” she added. “This was the only way I could protect myself … from a man beating up on a woman.”

I think that I can speak for ever one when I say that any man who punches a woman deserves what ever he gets, even if he punched her in the boobs or crotch! What Fox got – in addition to the ego damage of being bitchslapped by a broad – was cuffed by a near by officer and escorted off. He was later released without formal arrest though he does have to met with some prosecutors sometime soon – like maybe Monday. Hope this doesn’t cut into the taping of his new series I, Alex Cross“. Former LOST stars need as much career support as they can get. As for you overly assertive slack jawed drunks out there – don’t dish it out of you can’t take it.

http://wjw.vid.trb.com/player/PaperVideoTest.swf

Let us spray

If you were a chick would you rather get boob punched or spit on? The answer tot hat question determines whether you’re more of a Matt Fox or a Shia Labouef date. LAbouef was out recently with his gal pal and rocker Marylin Manson when he had some kind of a fit. They were @ the Aug. 26 (BELVEDERE) RED at The Box party, when the actor had what wirtnesses are describing as a public meltdown. Labouef tool a started taking sips of his bottled water and then spitting it on both Manson and his gal pal’s legs. According to Life & StyleThen he put more water in his mouth and started spitting it all over his tablemates, including Marilyn Manson. He seemed wasted.” The sad sorry scenario gets worse –

“People started taking their seats in front of the stage at the event, but all of a sudden Shia started shouting at his date and getting visibly angry,” the eyewitness tells Life & Style. Then he headed for the door. “He lunged through the very thick seated crowd, and the crowd pleaded with him and encouraged him to sit down. They tried to hold him back — but he kept struggling through. It was so insane — he just had a total meltdown right in front of everyone,” the eyewitness tells Life & Style. “It was completely out of control. He was so angry and physical. He was determined to get out of there.”

You know you’re fucking up if Marilyn Manson comes off classy in comparison to you. Sounds like one young man’s on the fast track to Dancing With the Stars, & I mean the hard way! Or to put it another way, who’s gonna be playing Megan Fox’s boyfriend in Transformers 4?

wondertrash

More Celebrity Outrage Mania





It been a while since we’ve seen anything from Gerard Depardieu. Recently some jet passengers saw a lot of him. That’s cause Gerard whipped it out on board pre take off and let fly! Gerard claimed he just couldn’t hold it in anymore. Now if only he shows the same enthusiasm about the inevitable rehab drug test!

Now it would be easier to write Depardieu off as just another boorish Frenchman (I’ve just made a bunch of new friends with that statement, or mes amis as I’ll call ’em). However maybe there’s more to this than just some loutish drunk pissing on the floor. Perhaps this was some kind of outrageous performance comedy type gesture. That sort of thing does happen from time to time. AS a matter of fact let’s take a look back at a guy who specialized in just that sort of thing!

So Big G Dep might’ve been channeling the spirit of Tony Clifton! Nor is Gerard Depardieu the only one given to outrageous fits of self expression. Take Anne Hathaway for instance (and given the chance who wouldn’t?).

Anne might want to be more cautious, since performance comedy has it’s risks. Just ask Charlie Sheen who got the Tila Tequila welcome at the Insane Clown Posse meet at the recent Gathering of Jugaloos!

It’s not he first time Miss Tila has gotten that kind of welcome, but I’d just hate to see Anne Hathaway pelted with garbage, at least in a non sex fetish context!



BTW to find out how Australian celebrities helped destroy America’s long running space program head over to Area 51! There’s a lot more to it than you might think!

wondertrash

Roger Ebert vs Ryan Dunn

Yesterday’s post covered how Megan Fox’s big mouth deep sixed her car as a brainless sex kitten. When you’re a celebrity you have to think of your mouth as a loaded gun with a hare trigger – it could go off at the wrong time and ruin everything if you’re not careful with it. Just look at Mel Gibson! Speaking of drunk drivers that brings us to the sad case of Ryan Dunn. Dunn was the popular a star of the popular Jackass series. Ryan died the other day after a drunk driving accident. As it turned out Ryan had been in the bar drinking until about 2:00 in the morning, when he and a friend got into the car to make their way home. At 2:38 Dunn had a fatal accident. Witnesses from the bar say Dunn had at least 6 drinks over the course of the evening.

Tragedy brings out the jerk in celebs

That brings us to Roger Ebert. Ebert lately has a habit of indiscreet tweeting. He made some Mark Twain related comments, specifically about the use of some racially loaded terms in the author’s work, that raised some hackles. Ebert got a pass on that because his wife is black, much the way Ted Danson got a pass on his blackface routine back in his Friar’s Club days because he was dating Whoopee Goldberg. Ted didn’t get a complete pass cause he said some very bad shit; Whoopee defended him and then dropped him, and his motion picture career was over. Unlike Michael Richards he was still allowed to show his non blackened face in public and continued to get a measure of respect. How time’s have changed is something for Dr. Laura to sadly reflect on, and discuss with her 6000 Twitter followers (that’s a come down).

I have something to share with the world – my opinion!

Ebert’s latest unfortunate tweet involves Dunn. Though nobody asked him, Rog felt the need to share his opinion with the rest of the world. Must have something to do with being a film critic (bloggers have the same problem only moreso). Just after the news broke Ebert posted “Friends don’t let Jackasses drink and drive”. You can probably guess how that went down. Bam Magera responded “I just lost my best friend, I have been crying hysterical for a full day and piece of sh*t roger ebert has the gall to put in his 2 cents”. Bam later added, “Millions of people are crying right now, shut your fat f*cking mouth!” Rog sure is making cancer survivors look less sympathetic!

“Come on, I couldn’t have done anything worse than Tony Weiner!”

It get’s worse. Rog has a Facebook page. No celeb just as a Twitter page since you just can’t do you’re image enough damage with one outlet. You’ve got to have Facebook too. It’s kind of like shooting yourself in the foot with both barrels. Anyhow some of Dunn’s fans got quite upset about Mr Ebert’s comments, and so they complained to Facebook. Facebook to the step of deactivating Ebert’s page. Ebert didn’t take this too kindly, in fact he was more torn up about losing his page than the passing of Mr. Dunn. So Ebert once again took it upon himself to make his feeling public (he should probably stop doing that – at least for awhile). Ebert said, “Facebook has removed my page in response, apparently, to malicious complaints from one or two jerks”. Ebert added, “Facebook! My page is harmless and an asset to you. Why did you remove it in response to anonymous jerks? Makes you look bad”. It’s just peachy that he added the part about looking bad.

harmless ass refuses to be anonymous

Ebert should probably be thanking the good people at Facebook. With the way he’s been running his mouth lately he doesn’t need more medium. Basically they were exercising a discretion on his behalf that he has lately been unable to exercise for himself. Besides, he’s now dangerously close to the “3 strikes and you’re out” line. One more quip from Rog and the majority of his Twitter action might come from retweets by Dr Laura and the rest of the rogue’s gallery. Still you have to give him some credit. While he can be a jerk, he’s never been an anonymous jerk. Harmless asset might be overstating things though. I consider him more of a harmless ass. The only thumbs up this time is the one up his ass. Rog time to shut it before the gallery get’s closed indefinitely. Meanwhile the rest of us can only wonder what makes successful and supposedly intelligent people become self destructive fools the minute they get a Twitter account? There must be a little jackass in all of us – RIP Ryan Dunn!

BTW every fictitious person has a Twitter these days. Not just the professionally fictitious either, but some of the genuinely fictitious personalities!

Now here’s more in that Hollywood Mind Control series:

http://www.viddler.com/player/64f47f85/

Update: Ebert fans, and those morbidly curious enough to wonder what he’ll say next, will be glad to hear that the complaining paid off. Ebert has his facebook page back!

wondertrash

Dick gets pissy

Rogue Dick

When you take to gossip blogging there are some people you can’t do with out. Like Andy Dick. On a slow news day he can be like 10 Lindsay Lohans on meth! You’ll be sitting at your word processor all dejected and at a loss about what to write when suddenly you’ll blunder across some Andy Dick story complete with outrageous conduct. Maybe he’ll have groped a show girl, or scored coke in a bar parking lot and then split it with his date/paid escort. This time Andy pee’d in public! He did a lot more than pee, actually; and set a whole new level for celebrity out rage mania.

He makes Charlie Sheen look like a droopy eyed armless child

The scene of the crime was down in Newport Beach. They have a little film festival down there. it’s the kind of thing some towns do when they want to get on the entertainment map, attracted glitterati, and turn a fast buck. It’s a good idea but they good folk of Newport Beach only made one mistake – they didn’t read Wondertrash. If they had then they’d have known about their second mistake, and that was letting Andy Dick anywhere near the premises.

a dick you can’t keep down!

Well like I say Dick did get in and when he did he made a fine spectacle of himself. Eyewitnesses and a festival co-founder saw an allegedly intoxicated Dick unzip his pants, expose himself, rub up against tables, enter a display booth, urinate on the backdrop (in the shape of a “Z” as in Zorro, I hear) and then pull it down and destroy it, reports RadarOnline, according to the Orange County Register. Sounds like the powers that be could’ve saved themselves much time and trouble if they’d just shipped Andy over to the middle east, as a kind of one man war on terror! This man dreams up mayhem like the illegitimate love child of Bruce Willis by Arnold Schwarzenegger!

Dick is cock of the walk at Newport Beach!

Naturally indecent exposure and public urination has lead to some ugly legal talk involving law suits. Not everyone has a taste for outrageous performance art ( and this guy might have Yoko Ono gasp for breath!). Seems that the Newport Beach people feel that Dick was more than a party pooper but was an expensive nuisance as well. So they want to make good on the deal by dragging him into court:

“Obviously, we need to recoup damages,” said Todd Quartararo, festival co-founder and director of marketing. “It was a brand new booth that needs to be replaced. We are exploring legal options to recoup damages.” Quartararo said Dick caused a couple thousand dollars worth of damage.

ticklish dickishness

Dick’s been on a roll lately, since his most recent incident of dickishness was down in Texas. There he got in trouble for allegedly grinding his genitals on a man’s head. Now that’s a brave thing to do in Texas!

My personal choice for 2 1/2 Men!

Now let’s take a look at a day in the life of Andy Dick! It’s a day of blurry flashbacks and thinly disguised remorse.

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Andy still a dick

Even Gloria Allred wouldn’t touch this!

I’d say that Andy Dick is still fighting his demons except that these days his demons are probably ashamed to be seen with him. That doesn’t mean that Andy is ashamed to show his face out in public, and his his usual condition too; drunk and disorderly! Seems that Andy was out and about down in Temecula, CA. That’s ’cause fashionable LA establishments won’t let him on their premises. Anyway Andy was enjoying himself in a local restaurant when he got a little too high spirited. That’s a polite euphemism for got drunk out of his mind and made a fool of himself.

everyday is a reality TV episode

Now there’s no word yet on what sort of tomfoolery Andy was involved in (I’m assuming that it was more than a nipple slip), but it did result in the usual visit from the cops. Andy got charged with a misdemeanor charge of disorderly conduct with alcohol. Then he was escorted off the premises and to the nearest drunk tank. It must be reassuring to know that there are some establishments that still welcome him; even if it’s only into the Lindsay Lohan suite. Anyway Andy got some time to sober up and enjoy some complimentary jail house hamburgers before paying his $500 fine and being released. So he is once again free to pursue his new career as a public nuisance! Oh yeah, and he also got this nifty mugshot as a little memento!

https://i2.wp.com/dlisted.com/files/andydickmugshot.jpg

Uploaded with ImageShack.us

wondertrash

The chips are still down for Chris Brown

I told you not to push the wrong buttons!


Charlie Sheen isn’t the only celebrity missing a publicist. You can add Chris Brown to the list. It’s been a rough year for Brown. Things went wrong for him a couple of Academy Awards ago. He and his then gal pal Rihanna were set to perform a duet number at the event. It was gonna be a big deal for them. Then pre Oscar nerves and anger issues got the better of Brown. While he and Rihanna were motoring around LA they had a disagreement; something about strange women leaving text messages on Brown phone. Next thing you knew Rihanna was wearing the steering wheel like a head band.

Normally that thing would’ve been hushed up. That’s what publicists are for. However this time meddling members of the public got in the way. Witnesses to the altercation phoned the cops. Since Rihanna had taken the keys from the ignition and tossed them out the window – that’s when Chris lost his shit – there was no way to blow the scene. When the authorities arrived Brown had fled the scene on foot, and they found Rihanna battered and bloodied. The police then went on to take Rihanna’s statement and take a lot of crime scene photos that didn’t do brown any good in the court of public opinion.

After that Brown was in the dog house. That’s not when his PR rep quit. Brown still had a committed fan base who were leaving lots of Myspace and Facebook messages of support. So there was still the opportunity to do important work – like rebuilding his career by repairing his image. Chris would have to lay low for awhile. Then when everyone had calmed down a bit he could make some low key public apologies. The apologies are no problem. PR Reps can whip those up pretty quick, and may even have standard form letter type mea culpa on file and waiting just in case; just the way major newspapers have the obits for troubled celebs drawn up in advance and ready to role. It also helps to have an experienced person write these things up for you so that you’ll sound like you know what you did wrong.

Everything was going off according to plan. Chris was even getting ready to release some stuff and do some public appearances. A few duets with established and respectable performers were lined up. That’s so Chris could get back into the public’s good graces on the coat tails of performers that they still liked. The manipulators were using every trick in the book and it looked like the plan might pay off too. Then Chris goes and pulls one of his patented boners.

The boner in question occurred shortly after a recent GMA interview. Chris was being interviewed by Robin Roberts. Now doubt all the ground work had been done in advance. The PR team had moved in with a pre selected set of questions – nothing awkward; and instruction to kid glove the interview. Then Robin went and did something that threw everything out of whack. She brought up Rihanna. That put Chris off his game. By the time he got back to his dressing room he had a full head of steam. So full in fact that he trashed the joint like he was Charlie Sheen entertaining a hooker in a hotel room. He tried to throw a chair through a window too, for good measure. When the creative temperament goes tilt, look out!

That little stunt seemed to be the last straw. It did get Chris a lot of publicity. People started talking about him like he was the bastard child of OJ Simpson by Mel Gibson or something. Only Dick Cheney and Sarah Palin were more publicly disliked. That’s to say that though he might still have a future in politics, show business is looking bleak for him right now! Maybe he can find something on FOX News.

They say that there’s no such thing as bad press. The trouble is that this kind of press was completely opposite tot he kind of press his hard working PR team had been trying to build up for him over the past year. You know, the whole “Chris Brown is not a monster” angle. Then in one impulsive outburst he threw that hard work down the drain. Since trying to help some one who isn’t helping themselves is a waste, his rep Tammy Brook walked off the job in disgust.

So things don’t look good for Chris right now. Getting your own PR rep is a right of passage for celebrities. It mark the acceptance into the ‘community’, the way confirmation does for Christians. They’re the ones who show you the finer points of playing the game. They get rid of those personal problems the way a father confessor might help clear things up with God. So when your PR rep abandons you, it’s like being excommunicated from the entertainment business. After that it’s down hill no matter how bad you want to get back. You can still put yourself out there, but you’re strictly D List. You career prospects are restricted to pitching reality TV shows based on fucking up, and possibly dating Kat Von D.

This is the position that poor Chris currently finds himself in. So for all of you who were worried that a woman beater might worm his way back into a successful entertainment career, relax. If you ever see this guy again it’s gonna be on a double date with Michael Lohan, or on some reality TV spectacle like Dr Drew’s Rehab. Perhaps he might hook up with Octomom!

That might be possible since Chris hasn’t given up and is trying to say the right things, like “I got very emotional, and I wanna apologize for acting like that.” So maybe he could play the bi polar angle. It could even be time for a drug abuse admission. Probelm is that without a PR rep to sell that, he’s gonna have a hard time getting the media to take it seriously. He’s like a tree falling in the forrest without anyone to run around to news outlets for him explaining that the tree has a problem which requires our understanding and sympathy. Look on the bright side Chris – the National Enquirer is gonna be following you for years to come!

http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/apps/cvp/3.0/swf/cnn_416x234_embed.swf?context=embed_edition&videoId=showbiz/2011/03/25/sbt.chris.brown.dwts.controversy.cnn

wondertrash

Michael Lohan Arrested for Felony Domestic Violence

Michael Lohan: Fame is an octagon

It’s seems like trouble is the Lohan family business. On that score Lindsay seems to be the main bread winner with her frequent legal run ins and rehab stints. Papa Mikey is no slouch when it comes to rowdy hell raising himself. Mike has this problem which is that he occasionally likes to go ape shit on what ever woman is brain damaged enough to be dating him at the time. Like Kate Major. Kate was some kind of reporter or something with Star Magazine who got hooked up with and then dumped by Jon Gosselin. She rebounded on to Mike Lohan. I’d call that a case of sloppy seconds except that Major hasn’t qualified as ‘seconds‘ for many many helpings. She’s more like that thing festering in tinfoil at the back of the refrigerator.

Anyhow they were getting along famously and Kate was saying Lohan was the great love of her life, just the way she was saying Jon Gosselin was the great love of her life. It’s a lady’s perogative to change her mind – so Kate might as well try it too. Things were going along hunky dory until some one got drunk, we’re not sure who but it could have been both of them, and then the shit hit the fan. The story that trickled down to the public via twitter, the internet, and supermarket tabs, was that Mikey got home all liquored up and found Kate drunk and out cold in an arm chair. one thing lead to another as such situations often do and soon Kate was sprawled on the floor and the cops were on the way. This couldn’t have happened at a worse time for Mikey since he only had 2 weeks left on his probation for some previous domestic assault type incident.

Some guys never win. In Mikey’s case it’s more like some guys never learn. That’s because it appears lover boy has pulled another one of his patented shit for brains stunts. The details are so far sketchy, but it goes something like this:

“Mr. Lohan was arrested after we received a call around 9 p.m. regarding a domestic dispute. He was detained after he was spotted walking on the street near our station. He showed no signs of intoxication that I’m aware of and has been cooperative.”

At least that’s the version Lt. John Ratto gave People Magazine. Maybe Lt Latto is some kind of celebrity liaison officer. The slightly more detailed version as Lohan assaulting an unnamed victim. Lohan thens tarted complaining about an “unrelated medical condition” – I’m guessing chest pains. So he was rushed over to Cedars Sinai Hospital. He’s currently laying low there while he contemplates his next move.

That next move better involve a way to raise a hughnomous wad of cash, ’cause this time the police are holding him on 200 000 bail. It’s gonna be tough for Mikey to pull in those kind of funds since Lindsay is the oly one in the family with any kind of income. Her income is currently tied up in rehab bills and lawyers fees, stemming from her own particular brand of mayhem.

So look on the bright side – Japan may be about to go nuclear, the mid east may be dissolving in turmoil, Charlie Sheen is threatening to unleash violent torpedoes of truth on the nation in the form of a cross country stand up tour, and Donald Trump may be poised to run for office on a Sarah Palin presidential ticket; but at least Michael Lohan is off the streets and in some kind of supervised environment for an indefinite period of time. Every once in a blue moon the system works! There could even be an up side to this. Mikey might eventually earn his own living by pitching a reality TV concept where he fights other D List celebs! They could call the show Michael Lohan’s Starwhackers! It’d beat American Idol to hell!

Firecrotch Redhanded

As for the second most troubled member of the Lohan clan, Lindsay is set to pull a Mel & plead no contest to her jewelry stealing charges. Her mother Dina emphasizes that o contest is not the same as guilty – it’s completely different in the way that not guilty doesn’t mean innocent. She then goes on to call LA a fucked up town – that’s not news but saying it won’t make her any friends, and talk about some imaginary film projects she’s considering for her daughter.

Personally I’d recommend a few whacked out calls to Alex Jones (make sure to frequently mention starwhackers) followed by a Lindsay Lohan nation wide stand up tour. They could call it “Sticky Fingers“, or if the Rolling Stones get pissed over that then maybe “Firecrotch Red Handed“. Read about that over @ Zimbio!

wondertrash

Rush Fools In Where Angels Fear to Tread

What’s the difference between Gilbert Gottleib and Rush Limbaugh – Gottlieb doesn’t pretend to be a serious political commentator!

What can you say about a big fat pill head who shoots of his mouth public? Now I’m not referring to Alex Jones. Jones is cogent & thoughtful compared to this professional blowhard. The blowhard is Rush Limbaugh and regular listeners probably noticed that this dude’s mouth lost contact with his brain – which itself lost contact with reality so that’s a fine state of affairs – some time back – and started freewheeling. In fact it’s been freewheeling further and further off the beaten path & on on to the lunatic fringe.

Rush offer’s political commentary the way a backed up septic tank offers raw sewage

Now a lot of shit has come out of Limbaugh’s big gaping maw over the course of his bombastic and otherwise banal talk radio career, but the loud mouthed snook has recently out done himself. You might not believe what those loose lips recently let slip. Now for those unfamiliar with Limbaugh’s routine, he’s the guy who takes political commentary down to a carnival barker level. His usual spiel borders on the kill abortionist to respect he sanctity of life routine, or bring democracy to the rest of the world by bombing it flat. He supports mandatory gun owner ship for all America’s – especially deranged kooks who might take a shot at the president (Lush Dumbaugh might call that Tea Party Patriotism others might wonder whether years of pharmaceutical pill abuse have caused some serious brain damage), just in case the Russkies mount some kind of commie counter attack. I’m not sure how he stands on making use of the poor and down trodden in some Solyent Green type plan – but I hear he was a great fan of Swift’s Modest Proposal until some one explained to him that it was a satire. “You mean it’s a fairy story? Just like the Bible? Bah hum bug!” In other words he’s a pair of tinfoil under shorts away from being Glenn Beck.

… amd you thought Charlie Sheen was nuts!

Now when you got a big loose cannon of a mouth then you usually say some pretty outrageous things just as a matter of course. Stuff like “Eat the poor” and “bomb everything“, In other words he’s like Glenn Beck after a stroke. So when you shoot off on a level that makes Charlie Warlock Sheen sound calm, considered and rational, you got some real personal standard of psychosis to maintain. The one thing that you can say about the Rusher is that he’s got a real and undeniable talent for topping himself. To bad he doesn’t have more of a talent for stopping himself.

don’t tempt Mother Nature by driving a Prius

Top himself is what the big fat wind bag recently did on the subject of Japan. Now while the est of North America tormented them selves wit guilt about not doing more to help those poor wretches living over there in the disaster zone; homeless, with limited food and medicine, and often not enough room at the shelters; Rush as a different take on the situation. According to Rush Japan has no one else to blame for their current misfortune because Mother Gaia has malicious laid them low as her way for showing her appreciation for the Prius.

the electrical car will draw down the wrath of God

According to Lush Rimbaugh Japan went wrong went they got all ecological. They started flooding the America car market with all these eco responsible cars with the dinky lawn mower engines on an eco angle – instead of flooding he market with these huge tyrannosaurus rex gas guzzling hummers – Rush figures that this was some transparent attempt to suck up to Mother Earth – and being a woman, you can’t expect anything in the way of gratitude. You can only expect to be trampled under foot. So if you’re not willing to show Big Bitch who’s the boss you gotta expect to be trampled under earth after the Great Devouring Mother has gnawed the meat off your bones and finished sucking the marrow from your bones. So playing along ain’t gonna get you anywhere.

Ruch Limbaugh – an pill induced level of brain damage that makes Ann Coulter look like William F Buckley jr!

Lest Rush get upset and claim to have been misquoted by some Internet blogger, here’s the gist of what he did say on his Tuesday show. While discusing the whole subject of the Japan earthquake, The Rusher said – on the air – that:

“If these are the people that invented the Prius, have mastered public transportation, recycling, why did Mother Earth, Gaia if you will, hit them with this disaster?” “They’ve given us the Prius. Even now, refugees are recycling their garbage.” Here, he began to laugh, continuing, “and yet, Gaia levels them! Just wipes them out!”

“He’s right,” Limbaugh said. “They’ve given us the Prius. Even now, refugees are recycling their garbage.” Here, he began to laugh, continuing, “and yet, Gaia levels them! Just wipes them out!”

suck my goof balls

Now Rusher doesn’t exactly sound like like Mother Theresa. In fact he sounds like he’s back on those goof balls that every Republican condemns and every other republic secretly takes – like Rush himself. Though it must be said that an undisclosed number of those God fearing neocons (is the proper term “Neocon” or “Necrophile”? – I keep getting them confused) do that shit so that the they can score gay sex in public restrooms while adopting the wide stance in the hopes of some toe tapping fun with anonymous strangers! Keeping in touch with the public is what’s helped keep them relevant!

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Gilbert the Gremlin

What the Rusher does sound like is one of those tactless stand up comedians like Gilbert Gottlieb who though that about 13 000 dead Japanese was fodder for crude humour. In fact Gilbert Goblips got taken to task over this shoot from the lip comedy. He lost his lucrative Afleck Duck gig. Since that was bout the only work he currently had, he’s know cooling his heels in the dog house without so much of a bone to gnaw on.

Will Lush Dumbaugh become the next Alex Jones? It’s a dicey business when you can’t control your big shit spewing mouth!

So if Gottlieb can get publicly reamed out for his tactless lack of basic humanity, can we we except a big fat pill addled loud mouth snook – who has basically blamed the Japanese for their own misfortunes – to make his way back to public creditability? Maybe after a brief rehab hiatus, some crocodiles tears, and a lot of transparent excuses? Since the Gottlieb precedent has already been set it might be time for Lush Rimbaugh to take a brief vacation from the talk radio circuit – just the way Dr Laura Schlesinger did after she had that unfortunate attack of Tourette’s Syndrome on the air (Laura S is currently discussing with her publicist the possibility of being bi polar – at least professionally – of course Flip Wilson describes that as “the devil made me do it“). If he can blame the whole incident on a pill addiction relapse, than he might be able to worm his way into Dr Drew’s Celebrity Rehab, an even eventually redemption.

Rush & Gottlieb – watch you step or your feet could wind up in your feet in your mouths again; not that there ain’t plenty of room in there for ’em

A lot of mea culpe’s and some crocodile tears and even that shit cannon of a mouth of his might one day be ready for a return to the airwaves, If he can play the bi polar angle, even he might even be able to work his way back into a broadcasting career via the reality TV rehab route. Word of advice to the Rusher though – in the unlikely event you ever find you self on radio in any capacity other than as Alex Jone’s comic foil side kick, you might want to get your brain in motion before that mouth of yours gets into gear. Your next attack of verbal diarrhea under the guise of no spin straight shootin’ commentary might be our very last, After that you won’t even find cartoon voice over work. Besides there are some eager cooperate spoketoones looking for work and eager to take you jobs!

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wondertrash

Charlie Sheen Replacing Jon Cryer With Andy Dick!

The face is familiar & I never forget a Dick!

https://i2.wp.com/www.usmagazine.com/uploads/assets/articles/39305-charlie-sheens-10-craziest-quotes/1299088968_charlie-206.jpgCharlie Sheen lives & breathes total fucking bitch assness! Maybe that’s why some want to learn his ways. Like Andy Dick. To be fair Dick has been studying from the Book of Charlie – also known as The Hollywood Warlocks Manuel for Living With Fire Breathing Awesomeness – for some time. That means Dickie is no stranger to coke, whores, and making a public spectacle out of himself. He got into as bust up with SNL alum Jon Lovitz over some tasteless comments Dick made about then late Phil Hartman, a friend of Lovtiz’s. So Lovitz knocked him the fuck out like a spider monkey with viper venom in his veins! He’s also exposed himself numerous times, and groped numerous bystanders. His most recent fuck up was shaking his swizzle stick at a passing tour bus full of celebrity gawkers down in LA while hollering out “Wait! Stop! It’s me, Andy Dick!” Most recent until this that is.

The Warlock’s Apprentice

According to the source of all half truths, The National Enquirer, Dick was recently caught out in a nightclub making a fool of himself, or Living It to the Limit Hollywood Warlock Style With A Live Grenade in Each Hand & a Flame Thrower Between His Legs. That’s Sheenspeak for fucking up with whores and coke in front of an audience!

Dick & co. are smokin’ in the boy’s room!

https://i0.wp.com/www.nationalenquirer.com/images/ne/210126/71954.jpgThe scene of the crime was Corner Club in Woodland Hills, CA. The time was Feb 24, back when the whole Sheen brouhaha was just getting warmed up. Dick was getting warmed up too. According to a source on the scene Dick & a female companion made their way to a restroom, where they misused the facilities! By misused I mean that they beginning treating the Men’s Room like it was some sort of social club, instead of as God and city zoning by laws intended. After Dick and his goddess finished making friendly, Dick went out in the parking lot to do a dope deal, then came back and made friendly. Here’s the way it went down according to The National Enquirer!

“I walked in and I saw that freak Andy Dick sucking on a woman’s (slang for breast)” the source divulged.

“They didn’t even care or acknowledge me,” said the source. “He was all over her in the men’s bathroom, she was lifting her shirt and he was kissing her naked breasts.”

After about 15 minutes Dick and his friend went to a car in the parking lot where the source heard Dick say “give me the coke, give me the coke,” to his friend.

While snorting cocaine off a CD cover while in his car, Dick’s gal pal lifted up her shirt and he continued to kiss her naked chest.

“They were in their own little world,” the source said about the pair who were sitting in the car with the door open in the bar parking lot while Dick snorted the cocaine.

“He was oblivious to everything except the cocaine and the woman with him.”

If you can’t shine like Sheen, then don’t be a Dick

Now everyone can relate to the desire to be more like Sheen. He’s special. He’s certainly got poetry in his fingertips! However you don’t have to take the routine to bitch ass Martian rock star extremes. If you do you will die and your face will melt off! So you have to find a side effect free version of a drug called Charlie Sheen. Something safe and approved for everyday life! Like the Mad Lib Generator over @ Vanity Fair! By plugging in the appropriate nouns and verbs, this Sheenspeaking program will allow you to whiz out a paragraph that Hunter S Thompson might have been impressed with! You can do it without making a Dick of yourself too! Although making a Dick out of one’s self sounds like it could have it’s moments!

Mad Lib like Charlie Sheen with Vanity Fair!

“I am on a drug. It’s called Wondertrash. If you try it once, you will freak the fuck out. Your erection will melt off, and your whores will jolt over your fucked body … I’m tired of pretending like I’m not dumbwad—a total freaking 007 killer spy from Uranus. I’ve got wildebeest blood, Apollo DNA! … They picked a fight with a gremlin. They’re trying to take all my Amazons and leave me with no means to create my family. It’s not theoretical physics! They owe me an apology while whacking my balls … I don’t think people are ready for the turd I’m delivering, and delivering with a sense of fucked up love. I exposed hordes to magic! Here’s your semen test. Next one goes in your anus!”

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BTW, PS, & Ad nauseam

PS. You’ve probably seen Boy Wonder Justin Bieber going around looking sour lately. That’s in spite of dating Selena Gomez. The reason Justy is all upset is that no one remembered his birthday. It got blocked out of the headlines along with Muammar Khadafi by the wall to wall continuous coverage of the developing Charlie Sheen saga. Over the past 12 month everyone has been talking about Beiber ad nauseam: Bieber gets his hair cut, Bieber tweets back a fan, Bieber farts – that sort of shit. It was getting to the point where some of the more sensitive members of the public were aboutt o scream if they heard the name Justin Bieber one more time. Then along came something really interesting in the form of Charlie Sheen, to give us a well needed Bieber-break!

‘Fail’ is what happens when you’re not ‘Bi-winning’!

Well Bieber must’ve gotten used to the attention ’cause since it got diverted elsewhere he’s been photographed walking around pouting like Keanu Reeves at the cup cake counter, and howling at paparazzi who weren’t there. It’s so much sadder to see a celeb crack from lack of attention than from too much of it. Anyway Bieber can take some consolation that locks of his hair sold on EBay for $40 000 (Herbert the Pervert maxed out the credit cards on that suspicious purchase!).

BOOM WINNING D’UH

He can also take some consolation in the fact that it might’ve sold for 3 times that, if some of Charlie Sheen old urine test samples weren’t up on EBay simultaneous in competing auctions. Sorry Bieber, but that’s what you get when you go up against “Boom, Winning, D’uh!“. BOOM WINNING D’UH is the sound of a warlock breaking the sound barrier and hitting light speed!

wondertrash
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