Jesse James threatens to write book – anti climax expected!

running out of tiger blood!

After taking a few days off to mourn Charlie Sheen’s gradual return to sanity – God that man came up with some interesting shit! – I’m back to dish, though with much less inspiring shit to work with. For those of you afraid that it has something to do with Justin Bieber’s hair, or Kim Kardashian revealing she has had silicone injections but won’t say where, don’t worry. I can offer livelier fare, but it ain’t much liver.

who’s who

Today’s offering involves a gal more sympathetic than Jennifer Aniston. IN fact she’s only slightly less sympathetic than Rihanna! This chick would be none other than America’s Sweetheart – well one of ’em anyway. The whole America’s Sweetheart deal is kind of like the Heavy Weight Boxing Championship: there’s about a half dozen belts on the go and the public has lost interest. She’s also one of the reining Queens of Romcoms; I guess that’s kind of like the Heavyweight Sweetheart deal. Anyway it’s not Katherine Heigl, but poor humiliated Sandy Bullock.

if you can’t find fresh freaks then send in the clowns

If you’ll recall about a little over a year ago Sandy was on top of the world. She had a blockbuster film career, a skeezy tattooed husband with a pick up truck for the kind of ‘real people‘ credibility Angelina Jolie hasn’t had since she stopped wearing billy Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck, real affection from the movie going public, oh yeah and she had that Oscar in her hot little hand too. It looked like everything was coming up Sandy, until the shit hit the fan.

shitbomb

The shit hit the fan in the form of her husband’s sleazy mistress Michelle Magee. Magee was nicknamed Bombshell – at least that was her working name, and she was the sort of greasy bitch that Tiger Woods wouldn’t have touched with a shitty stick wrapped in an asbestos condom. Not unless he was on his usual Ambien & Viagra cocktail anyway. What Bombshell worked at was stripping and posing for fetish websites. By fetish think vomit and dog shit. It’s all about what don’t wash out! So the chick had a serious career she was working on, with white power and home wrecking as a sideline. All work and no play will leave people asking “why is there stale vomit in your hair?

Vanilla Gorilla makes a monkey out of Bullock!

The shit couldn’t have hit the fan at a worse time either, since as I mentioned people had just watched Sandy pick up her shiny chrome celebrity validation award in a highly televised ceremony. Sandy had been waiting for this moment for a very long time – ever since she wanted to be an actress when she grew up – so she made a big deal out of it. Unfortunately she made a big deal out of the Vanilla Gorilla too. She made some public comments about how real he was, how he’d made her more real, and how he was charming the pants off of Morgan Freeman (although hopefully not with some cooked up scheme that involved getting him to bend over!). In short she said he’d made a Hollywood actress a better person – which is no small feat. Then it got too real.

who’s Ricky Gervias?

Hot on the heels of this all these scuzzy photos of Bombshell licking dog vomit up in her under wear while baring her swastika tattoos to the world came up. Apart from maybe Mel Gibson no one was impressed. It made Sandy look lower than all those mentioned at the intro of the last Golden Globes (almost forgot about that since Charlie Sheen’s wild over the top media blow out didn’t you?). The difference was that this shit actually stuck, and for days and days after. What was sticking was a question: If Jesse was really a bad piece of shit, like we’re finding out; and he was really the most important person in Sandy’s life, like she said; then how could she not know about any of this nazi shit? Something smelled rotten, and it wasn’t just the leftovers from some fetish sex orgy; though that might have been part of it.

there’s more to outrage than pretty pretty dresses

Well then if this question has been plaguing your mind, then you’re as socially aware and conscious as Natalie Portman on a pre Oscar clothing spree. So you might also be interested to know that Vanilla Gorilla has a new book coming out. Normally no one would dignify that book with the purchase price. They’d simply wait for the National Enquirer to give them the gist of it, or borrow it from the public library. However this time there’s a very good reason to put our high minded outrage aside and indulge our morbid curiosity. The reason is that Jesse addresses the Sandy question.

relationshit

According to Jesse in his new book Sandy probably had no idea about his fringe interests in nazism and fetish sex. For one thing she was never really that interested in any part of his life. That included their time in bed together. Jesse claims that bed with Sandy involved books, newspapers, scripts – the kind of shit grease monkeys with Hitler tattoos hate, and as much as 6 dogs. The dogs didn’t even figure in the way he liked either – they were lying affectionately at the foot of the bed, instead of licking fresh maggots out of her vagina! Now Jesse hasn’t come right out and said that she drove him into the arms of sex offenders because she was too damned boring in bed. Gentleman Jesse just left that to be inferred. However some are saying that he has come right straight out and implied that the ex is a lesbian or something, allegedly! Here’s some excerpts of what he did say.

“Jesse would always say that Sandra went to bed with a book or script and five or six of their dogs, leaving little room for him in bed and no chance to have sex,” the source said.

“He also told friend that he and Sandra had zero physical attraction, and they hadn’t had sex for months before they split. Sandra is on edge because Jesse could justify his cheating by creating the false impression that she withheld sex from him or is a lesbian.”

Publishing insiders say that Jesse’s book royalties are tied to how much he reveals about Sandra. She’s agonizing over the possibility that Jesse will spill heartbreaking details of her failure to conceive, and even accuse her of condoning his Nazi fascination.

“Jesse owns a large collection of Nazi memorabilia, including a surfboard with a life-size Hitler doing the Nazi salute that he kept in his office at the garage. He also had swastikas, helmets and Nazi uniforms at the home he shared with Sandra. While Sandra wasn’t a fan of his Nazi stuff, did she turn a blind eye to it? If Jesse tells the world she was OK with his collection, that could come back to haunt her, especially since her late mother was German.”

put the titillate back in tittle tattle!

So that should clear everything up, unless it makes everything a lot more confusing. That’s the problem with tell alls, especially when they tell you nothing. I say if you’re gonna tittle tattle than have the guts and basic honesty to rat out the bastards like a mafia fink trying to get into the witness protection program! That means all bets off, no holds barred, and the Marquis of Queensbury rule book gets tossed right out the window! If not, then don’t waste everyone’s time by getting their hopes up and then pussy footing around ’cause your lawyer told you to be careful and Bullock’s business a manger said “don’t worry something can be worked out!” You’re just taking precious work away from Andrew Morton. At least Jesse’s people are still making some noises about a possible Jesse James ‘alleged‘ sex tape. Though it should be said that the alleged tape doesn’t involve Sandra Bullock, but Miss Tila Tequila and a German Sheppard named Shitler! That ought fill some attention in the post Charlie Sheen celebrity outrage vacuum!

wondertrash

Outbursts!

Charlie Sheen has just got a lot of competition!

https://i2.wp.com/www.fashionweeknews.com/images/phc_0706_dior_08.jpgRemember how I said that there’s more going on in the world of entertainment than Charlie Sheen? Well it’s going on now! The thing is that celebrities hold it in during the award season run up to the Oscars. No one wants to fuck up and lose their invitation to the ball. So celebs have to be on the best behavior. Naturally the walking around on egg shells gets to them. So you have an outburst just after the awards are clued up. Now on with the outburst!

https://i1.wp.com/www.gregrucka.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/wonderwomancvr202.jpg

Natalie Portman makes a stand @ the Oscars

Story No 1 is Oscar related. Remember when Natalie Portman showed up preggers and in her fancy dress; looking as pretty as Natalie Wood? Well there was a little more to her big Oscar evening than that. There was also some fashion politics going on. Portman is the newest face of Dior. as such she was expected to show up at the podium and collect her ward decked out in her sponsor’s finest. Portman didn’t wear Dior, but showed up in Rodarte. So why the last minute switch?

Mel Gibson gets some company

One of the big names at Dior was John Galliano. He was a big name cause he recently got fired. He was fired because he went all Mel Gibson on some poor woman at a restaurant in Paris. He told her that she had a ‘dirty Jewish face‘ and then went on to make some over dodger type remarks. For the record the chick wasn’t Jewish, but why let facts stop you when you’ve got a point to make? Galliano repeated that point on other occasions, and added remarks like “I love Hitler” and “you should be dead” suspected Jews. Unfortunately for Galliano some of these remarks got video taped!

http://www.youtube.com/get_player

When you get video taped shoot from the lip red handed like that it doesn’t leave you much room for self defense (Galliano claims that the couple mistook him for a bum and began insulting them when he tried to strike up a conversation with the random strangers). Just ask Michael Richards! It can also make people of the Jewish persuasion a little upset. They seem to take it almost personally or something! You know how high strung and temperamental they can be, especially when some brings up Hitler and says that they should be dead. Anyway the high strung, temperamental, and very Jewish Natalie Portman took it beyond personal and boycotted Dior on Oscar night. Then she released the following statement:

“I am deeply shocked and disgusted by the video of John Galliano’s comments that surfaced today,” she said in a statement issued last night. “In light of this video, and as an individual who is proud to be Jewish, I will not be associated with Mr. Galliano in any way. I hope at the very least, these terrible comments remind us to reflect and act upon combating these still-existing prejudices that are the opposite of all that is beautiful.”

So Nat’s pissed off. This may put her in violation of her contract with Dior, much the way that CBS is in violation of contract with Charlie Sheen. However it’s unlikely that Dior is gonna get vindictive and sue Portman for a ton. For one thing they’re very sensitive to anything that even smells like bad press. That’s why Galliano got fired, probably out of a cannon that was aimed at a nearby brick wall. It’s also why the good people at Dior tried to out a good face on their situation by issuing the following press release:

“I condemn most firmly the statements made by John Galliano which are total contradiction with the essential values that have always been defended by the House of Christian Dior,” President and CEO Sidney Toledano said in a brief statement released today.

“Today, because of the particularly odious nature of the behavior and words of John Galliano in a video made public this Monday, the Christian Dior house has decided to lay him off immediately and has begun firing procedures against him.”

Now Galliano has some fashion show on Friday. Word is that it’s still set to go through. It’ll probably be as joyful as a funeral too (JG will be in the role of the corpse). On the upside while there are gonna be a lot less celebs attending, there’s bound to be tons more paparazzi. As for Natalie, no word on whether she plans to start using her real name of Herschlag, or continue using her Hollywood slave name Portman.

Christina still a drunk

Christina and Matt Under the influence ... Christina and Matthew

Now fashion faux pas weren’t the only notable fuck ups in the volatile post Oscar period (drugs, alcohol, and pent up bad behavior can be a bad combo. When you add those stories the media was sitting on till after the Oscar, everything can add up into a career ender!). In the case of Christina Aguelira her career has been dead for a while. Certainly since “twilight’s last reaming” @ the Superbowl. That doesn’t mean that Chrissy still doesn’t have a few tricks up her sleeve, like getting arrested!

drunk and disorderly – now indistinguishable from Ashlee Simpson!

Seems Christina and her latest guy Matthew Rutler were out and about, driving around as it were in the wee hours of the morning through the West Hollywood area. There’s nothing wrong with that, unless you’re ripped to the gills; which both Christina & Matthew were. So they got pulled in. Matt was driving so he got slapped with a DUI and released on $30 000 bail. Christina, the passenger, got slapped with a misdemeanor. Law enforcement officials described her as drunk and unable to take care of herself. Of course that’s been Christina’s predicament for awhile now according to Lainey, who’s acting like she predicted this or something:

As for her condition – look, it’s not like we weren’t calling this way back in October. As I noted then:

Ultimately though, what’s really going on with Christina? As I’ve already noted, she’s bored. She’s been bored for a while. This is just the beginning.

Now that story is sort of confirmed by sources close to Christina, who claim that they’ve been trying to get the singer into rehab for weeks. That explains what happened at the Superbowl!

more stormy weather from Hurricane Heather?

Finally some one who we haven’t heard from for a while, though she never ever holds it in. She’s a noted animal activist who blew up her neighbor’s dog with fireworks. She’s also the ex wife of a former Beatle. That lady would be Heather Mills. Now Mills was best known back when she was hooked up with some one genuinely talented. However lack any real ability or interesting quality didn’t stop her from trying to hog more than her fair share of attention.

yelling & telling

The attention grabbing only got worse during the divorce. Maybe that’s because she started to get interesting, but not in a good way. For one thing she started raising an unholy stink in the media. Remember when she tossed a glass of water in the face of Sir Paul’s lawyer, telling the poor woman “you’ve been baptised!“?

ask Peter Andre – hell hath no fury like a page 3 glamor model

She also started telling the press that Sir Paul abused her. Actually that’s not exactly what Mill’s said. She isn’t the sort of person to mince words with delicate phrases like “abuse” when the words “drunken, drug abusing wife beater” are available. The sad part about that is that some of the shit stuck after Paul paid money to get some of his late wife’s diaries back. While some thought the man was merely trying to respect his late wife’s wishes by making sure her journals remained private, some were beginning to suspect that McCartney had something to hide.

Heather gets choked up in the bedroom – PR firm says “come clean”

Well it looks like Sir Paul has a clean bill of health. At least that’s according to Mills ex PR firm. According to Parapluie – the PR firm – they believe that Mills was being less than truthful when she made claims like, “I could kill [Paul], last night, he tried to choke me. The marriage is over.” I’d give Heather the benefit of the doubt and call that one a half truth. While it’s doubtful Paul ever got violent with her, I’m sure she meant it when she said that she could kill him and that the marriage was over!

an echo of your last goodbye

There were some other things that Heather stretched the truth about too, according to the good folk @ Parapluie. Like her Dancing With the Stars money. Poor Ms Joan of Arc claims that she squandered every cent she earned on the show in charitable donations to the unworthy, ’cause that’s just the kind of noble soul she is. If you believe that one then you’d better stay the fuck off of Craigslist! In fact the firm is also accusing Mills of not paying them the money she owes them. That’s why they’re taking her too court for $168 000 in unpaid bills. They’re already forwarding stuff to TMZ too, so brace yourself for more Mills!

wondertrash

Roger Ebert is sorry

American bigmouth

Just because you don’t have a voice doesn’t mean that you still can’t get your foot in your mouth. Take Roger Ebert for instance. Ebert is America’s foremost movie critic. Many have followed his career from back in his Sneak Previews PBS days, when he worked along side the late great Gene Siskel. Back then Siskel & Ebert kept viewers amused with their constant bickering about which movies were actually good. This made 2 good points: 1. that critics, like other experts disagree to the point where sensible people have to wonder whether their opinions are any better than the man in the street, & 2. if those two could actually agree on a flick then it just might be worth dropping ten bucks to see.

a star is born

Siskel died of brain cancer and Ebert went on with other co hosts, & in a network format. Like Cenk Uygur of the Young Turks, he’d out grown the show that made him a star and was now ready for prime time. He even went on to find love, and married a high powered lawyer. It wasn’t all wine and roses though, as Ebert developed a case of cancer that resulted in his lower jaw being removed. Though doctors begged him to have reconstructive surgery that might restore his voice, Ebert claimed that he was worn out from cancer treatments, and was content to leave well enough alone – in that area of his life anyway.

I’ve got something to share with the world – my opinion!

In other areas Ebert was still willing to stir the shit. With the use of internet technology, we hard more from Rog than ever before, as he took to Twitter and blogging to share his opinions with the world. Everything from reincarnation to Pres Obama was fair game, and Rog let fly with wanton abandon.

Huck Finn or fuck him?

Now when you run your lip that much sooner or later you’re gonna say something that gets you in shit – believe me. Well sooner or later has come to pass and Rog has some explaining to do. It all started when Rog took to Twitter – the source of so much celebrity mischief – to take on the controversial Huck Finn issue.

sound and fury

To bring everyone up to speed Huck Finn was written by Mark Twain and is considered a classic of world literature. It also uses certain words that are not in accept usage anymore, like a certain pejorative term for black folk. That word begins with N, ends in G, and can cost you plenty if you say it right out. For those who doubt that words have power Dr Laura and Don Imus can probably tell you that uttering this hateful term is like playing with fire. The racially charged term cost Imus his dubious career as a talk radio crank, and it sent Dr Laura in to the wilderness of Sirius satellite radio.

ever the Twain

The term is so racially charged that it’s gotten Twain banned from most high schools, and might even qualify his work as hate literature under Canadian law. That’s where things get akward. Since Twain is a classic, you can’t really teach modern lit without reference to him. So the compromise is a rewrite where the offensive term is replaced with the word “slave“. If some simple rewrites have been good enough for the Bible, then they should be good enough for Twain. Especially since the replacement term in no way alters the spirit of the book.

license rearranged spells silence

Purist take issue though. They object to the altering of even a jot or tittle of world lit, on the grounds that good writing is sacred, and sacred means license to offend. So a classic book is untouchable, unless it’s a matter of foreign language translation in which case it’s free to be butchered like a chop on a meat room cutting table. To this end Ebert rushed in where angels, or anyone with even am odicum of common sense, would fear to tread, and took on the weighty Twain issue.

Twitter twister

Roger used his medium of choice – Twitter, to defend Twain’s right to use the N word. he claimed for instance that slave was an even more offensive term. He went on to point out that he’d rather be called a N than a slave. I guess he felt that since he is married to black woman he had a right to such statements in the same way the Ted Danson felt that dating Whoopee Goldberg gave him the right to show up at the Friar’s Club in black face. Maybe Danson felt that minstrel show black face was an important part of America’s cultural heritage and dating Ms Goldberg now gave him the opportunity to defend the practice. Whoopee seemed to think different. Though she defended Danson for awhile, they went their separate ways soon enough.

in other words

I guess that Ebert caught it from his missus soon enough too. Once the fuss started to reach shit storm proportions Ebert took to Twitter once again to state the obvious, and something he probably should have thought of before sharing his opinions with the world: that since he’s never been called a slave or an N he really had no business expressing such opinions. It’s just plain ignorant to assume you can express knowledgeable opinions about stuff beyond your personal experience (though if professional communicators strictly adhered to that principle most of them would be out of business, or at least restricted to occasional part time out bursts). In other words Ebert is sorry.

a straw for Dr Laura?

In a way the story is kind of inspiring. For one thing it shows that the handicapped can over come their barriers and limitations to go on and make the same stupid mistakes as the able bodied. Stupidity can be a great equalizer in that way. It also highlights Ebert appalling lack of judgment. For one thing we might be hearing from Dr Laura soon, claiming that this was the point she was trying to make back when she had that unfortunate on air attack of Tourette’s Syndrome (and they say that Megan Fox says stupid stuff! Never would her hotness ever be heard using such discouraging words -so give the little lady a damned break already!). She might see this as her ticket out of the wilderness, and we only just got rid of her!

pissing off the missus

For another thing it highlights something really important. Ebert is married to a black woman. Marriage is a very deep human bond. It connects two people on a level deeper than race, culture, nationality, religion, friendship, or even family (“for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave unto his wife, and the two shall become one person“). So far from giving Ebert a license to use racially charged language, it should have reminded him of something most sensible married men know, and that is that you don’t piss off your wife for anything in this world. That is not unless you want your life to be made a living hell right up to the day she finally slips the arsenic into your morning coffee. That will only happen after she feels you’ve suffered enough, so the day won’t be soon coming. It might highlight something else too, as Jerri Blank in Strangers With Candy would say “It’s wrong to encourage the handicapped, they’ll only go out and hurt themselves“. If Mrs Ebert is reading this I can only ask her to go easy on Rog. He’s not used to dealing with women. So let him off with a slap on the wrist this time. You might try asking him whether he prefers being called cripple or gimp, for instance. Or just unplug his voice modulator every now and then. That might inspire him to reflect on issues about which he has personal experience!

from old jerks to Young Turks!

Now here are those Young Turks, sans Cenk, with their always lively take on the issues!

Now here’s a little music video dedication to Cenk, and his merry band of media outlaws!

In conclusion what can be said except watch for more celebrities to flirt with danger by messing with that word again sometime in the near future. They seem to have some irresistible attraction to the term the requires them to seek out excuses for using it.

wondertrash

Dog Days – Chewed out like a motherfucker!

DOG's WIFE BETH PROFANE TIRADE CAUGHT ON TAPEDuane Dog Chapman is the host of a popular reality TV show. It’s the one where cameras follow him and his team of fellow bounty hunters as the go in pursuit of fugitives. The show has been kind of successful so D Dog has gotten kind of well known. That can be a good thing and a bad thing. One of the bad things is that people pay attention to everything you say. Especially when you say stuff that you’d rather they hadn’t heard. Like the time Doggy Duane C went Tourette’s during a tape recorded conversation and used the N word about as many times in the course of 5 minutes as Christian Batman Bale uses the F word!

A premedicated plot!

To refresh your memories one of DDC’s sons was seeing a black chic. This caused some friction between Duane Dog and his kid. Since Doggy D occasionally uses racially charged language around the office, he didn’t want the chick around lest she get the wrong idea and go blabbin’. As the Dogman pointed out later – after the shit had hit the fan – though he was cool enough to get away with using the word others in the office might not have as much street cred. His exact words, as recorded by his son, are “It’s not that she’s black it’s that we use the word n***r sometimes here. I’m not going to take a chance ever in this life of losing everything I worked for, for thirty years, for some f****** n***r who heard us say n***rand turned us in to the Enquirer Magazine.” We know this because his son taped him as partof a premeditated plot to fix the old man good. He admitted to it.

That statement is highly ironic considering how the story broke – in the National Enquirer. It wouldn’t be the last time. Not that Duane would go Imus again. He was careful about preserving his 30 years work, by preserving what was left of his image. He went on talk shows, wept like Jimmy Swaggart, gave half assed explanations for himself, and said that he wanted to be buried at Mt Vernon Cemetery as a way of standing up and being counted amongst the down trodden – long after it can do him any harm or them any good. He made all the required mea culpa’s with such ferocious desperation that the public let him off with it just to end his disgraceful display of self abasement. So Dog had the bases covered. There was still that big mouthed ignorant wife of his.

the big bad bunny

For those unfamiliar with the Dogs Duane’s wife is a lady named Beth. I say she’s a lady because she has as much to be called that as any other female celeb these days. It’s still pushing it though. She’s a stocky blond woman who looks like Pamela Anderson after a dose of steroids and training with the Russian Ladies Shot Put Team. She’s also got a mouth like a drunken sailor having a fit of swearing sickness. A few years back there was some incident wear a plane got grounded because Beth’s mouth went off like a weapon of mass destruction. Duane and Beth were traveling by air to or from something – probably a little of both. Duane is juiced so settle’s comfortable into his seat for the trip. The stewardess described him as a perfect gentleman – a perfect little drunken gentleman in a mullet.

Beth was less lady like. When something happened abroad plane that she didn’t like she began screaming ans shouting and hollering like she’d just recognized one of America’s most wanted. Dog wakes up from his drunken stupor and asks what the fuck is going on before he realizes his better half has malfunction in public again. So he tells her to shut the fuck up and stop embarrassing him in front of people. Meanwhile a freaked out cabin crew has grounded the plane!

So when you got a big mouthed belligerent wife and an office of people who talk like their in a Klu Klux Klan, the race talk language is bound to reoccur again. It’s pretty much like keeping a loaded gun with a faulty trigger around the house. Sure enough there’s trouble again, as the Blunderbuss has fired!

The whole thing started innocently enough with Duane and Beth getting some renovations done on their bail bonds office. So they hire a gentleman named Bob Talmadge. Talmadge is a pro carpenter so he specializes in these home improvement deals. So he set to work on the Dogs’ Edgewater Colo building. At first everything was good. Duane dropped by and thanked the guy for making what D Dog described as a “hole in the wall” into a “nice” office. Then Big Mouth Beth got into the act.

The cure for big mouths – say it with *st*r*sks

Beth dropped by after the job was completed. Beth really didn’t feel like paying the dude for services rendered, and since the work was already done she decided that maybe the renovations weren’t so great after all. In fact she said that they sucked! She also decided that he’d been stealing stuff while on the job. So she fired him instead of issuing him a check for his work. She also called him a bunch of bad names like “m*th*rf*ck*r!” Here’s a little tape of Beth’s little tirade.

http://www.youtube.com/get_player
don’t be an obscene fucker!

So you can tell right away that Beth is no one you want to get on the wrong side of. What you can’t tell on the tape is that Beth goes on to describe Mr. Talmadge with a word in some dispute Beth called him a “bean sucker“. Beans are one of the stables of Latinos. So some, including some Latin American community leaders, want her called on it and the Dogs finally put off of the air. Marcos Gutierrez – head of the Bay Area Hispanic/Latino Anti Defamation League commented that “for some one who sells themselves on TV as a protector of the people this is outrageous.” Meanwhile Alex Nogales – president of the National Hispanic Media Coalition – speculated that Beth’s big mouth could case trouble for, and even spark hate crimes against, Latinos & Hispanics. He’s even petitioning to get the Dogs taken off of the air.

Beth has something to say in her own defense. While she admits to calling the poor man a “bean sucker” she meant in a good really cool way. She claims it had to do with the man’s prioson record, and nothing to do with Latinos. She also insists that she really has lost stuff around the apartment: gloves, brushes, etc.” So what she wants to know why people are making a big deal out of her actions.

Drunken Mel Gibson calls Jewish Winona Ryder an Oven Dodger

Neigh & Winnie

http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/apps/cvp/3.0/swf/cnn_416x234_embed.swf?context=embed_edition&videoId=showbiz/2010/12/16/behar.winona.ryder.intv.hln


Winona Ryder: Genre babe of the week #23


Winona Ryder has been called many things over the course of her career: a beautiful woman, a talented actress, occasionally “Wanna Ride Her“, and once something very objectionable by disgraced superstar Mel “Worse Than OJ Simpson” Gibson. It was a comment that put Winona ahead of the curve on what sort of fellow Gibson is, and the sort of comment that he was later to become infamous for.

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Allie Macabre

This all began back about 15 years ago. It was a simpler and more innocent day when Robert Downey jr. was still on the skids, or worse doing Allie MacBeal (she’s some good feel!). Back then Mel was the most popular leading actor in Hollywood, next to fellow superhunk Tom Cruise. Winona still had a thriving career as a pretty and talented leading lady in character type roles. Her melancholy good looks and screen presence had put her on the upswing in Hollywood. Within a short time she would be starring opposite Angelina Jolie in Girl Interrupted, and then go on to get caught with sticky fingers in a series of embarrassing shoplifting cases (Winona has issues ranging from prescription drug abuse to kleptomania). Next stop would be obscurity. At the time of the incident that train wreck had yet to leave the station. Winona still had a viable career presence in Hollywood. Viable enough to get into some A List mega parties. Parties like the one where she crossed paths with Archie Bunker on Methamphetamine Mad Mel Gibson!

“You ain’t all that and a bag of chips!”

As Winona recalls in a recent GQ interview she was at one of those mega parties with a gay friend of hers when who should she run into but Mel all drunk and belligerent like. Mel opens his yap an immediately makes some kind of anti gay slur. Winona thinks to herself “OMG” – or whatever people at the time thought of instead of OMG – “This guy’s anti gay“. She still goes right on talking though cause this is Hollywood, the guy is Mel Gibson, and gay acceptance is still waiting for Will & Grace to carry the cause over the mainstream threshold.

Mad to the Max

So Winona bravely disregards the feelings of her gay friend and keeps chatting away with Gibson (there’s no folk like show folk). Some where between the jigs and the reels it slips out that Winona is Jewish. Her actual last name is Horowitz. Everyone knows how Mel is about the Chosen People. They set him off like a Jihadist at a Koran burning. So Mel, liquored up, makes a remark to Ms. Horowitz about her being an “oven dodger“.

“Are they like the LA Dodgers or something?”

The ‘oven dodger’ crack takes a little while to register on Winnie. Maybe at first she thought it had something to do with her escaping a life of domestic servitude and drudgery. Probably she was much to out of it for anything to register on her right away. Then slowly 2 and 2 come together and she realizes that she’s been called something a lot more offensive than “Sugartits“. No word on whether or not Ms. Ryder continued the small talk after that remark, but she does go on to say something like ‘I knew he was a racist homophobe 15 years before any of you and no one would believe me just because I was a fucked up mess!

He has swastika underpants – we get it!

It’s not like Winnie rated high on the creditability scale. She was to rate rock bottom on it in a short time and some shop lifting sprees later. You have to give her credit: even a stopped clock is right twice a day! Also you have to ask “Why speak up now if you knew for 15 years?” Part of the reason was the no one was ready to listen. The more important reason is that the 39 year old Ryder has finally managed to claw her way back from Sean Young like obscurity to a supporting role in the new Natalie Portman flick Black Swan. Ryder plays a washed up ballerina in that and is anxious for it to do well so that she can stop playing a washed up actress in real life! She can also get back to boosting from LA’s finer boutiques.

leave Mel alone?

Since Mel is a magnet for publicity these days dragging him into it might help her film in some way that only Winnie’s pilled out unstable brain can fathom. It ain’t gonna do anything for Mel’s Beaver film. Then again Mel has been done for a while now. At worst this is only the final nail in the career coffin. As for Winnie she working and flat on her back back on the map. No word on whether Winnie has opened a Twitter account yet.

wondertrash

Jesse James and Kat Von D Split?

Remember when Jesse James went with Kat Von D? That was after he humiliated his ex wife – America’s Sweetheart and Oscar Winner Sandra Bullock. Jesse cheated on Sandy with a bevy of tattooed white power sex fetish chicks. Naturally people were disgusted and wanted Bullock to dump James ass, and the rest of him, asap. They didn’t have to wait long to get their wish.

So when Kat Von D announced her hook up with rebounding James people were ambivalent. ON the one hand they thought that the gruesome twosome were a perfect match. KVD is heavily tattooed. She has also had a brush with white power. During her reality TV days she sent her Jewish boss a hate filled racially charged e mail, which she later denied sending, and even later admitted to bu claimed that she didn’t mean it. The back story on that is KVD was working for a guy called Ami James on Miami Ink. James is off the Jewish persuasion – although it’s not clear who persuaded him. He and Kat had a falling out, so Kat left to do her own think. however she left James a little something to remember her by:

That’s Kat – thinking with her heart instead of using her head. Anyway the combination of racism and body art, not to mention the general sleaze factor, seemed to make her the Jesse James dream girl. They did seem to have so much in common what with being fringe culture border line personality types.

On the other hand they didn’t think that it was appropriate for James to be bouncing back into the arms of love, or whatever, so soon. He seemed to have skipped the whole penance period. It’s not that anyone considered Kat Von D to be any great prize, except for those who never out grew their heavy metal stage. It’s just that people objected to JJ being happy so soon after making everyone else so uncomfortable and Sandy Bullock so unhappy. After all he basically ruined her Oscar night!

Well never fear. Things seemed to have worked out – if not for the best then at least ‘worked out”. KVD seems to have moved on from JJ. She’s recently been spotted out and about with other fringe types with borderline personalities (Not Mel Gibson – recent bad experiences have left him gun shy). That doesn’t mean that she and JJ are dunzo. Kat gets around and there’s plenty to go around. However it doesn’t look good for the love birds. Now that the publicity factor has worn off there’s not a lot that JJ can do for KVD. He’s a failed reality TV star and presently fading too fast to even be worthwhile tabloid fodder. So KVD has every reason to move on. If it can happen to Dave & Courtney it can happen to anyone (Arquette might have been more interesting if he’d cheated with tattooed neo nazi porn stars then revealing that Cox just got tired of being his mom – the mom fetish might have been fun in Mrs. Robinson with Anne Bancroft and Dustin Hoffman, but in real life it’s a creepy drag!). Anyone except Demi & AShton – they’re in love and they don’t care who knows it!

So that should provide closure for almost everyone. Everyone except those anticipating an eventually JJ – KVD reality TV show, and poor Sandra Bullock. However even she might be getting a second shot at love. If the rumours are true Sandy is considering hooking up with the one person with whom she shares so much in common: public image, career trajectory, and unfortunate love life – none other than Jennifer Aniston! Naw, that last part ain’t true – but imagine if it were!

Rick Sanchez Fired From CNN – The Damned Jews Got Another One!

disclaimer:
the following is written in conspiracy theory form, as a satire of ideas that are becoming more apparent in our society

News, views, and Jews!

http://videos.mediaite.com/embed/player/?layout=&playlist_cid=&media_type=video&content=27825Q2T9MT1CHWX&widget_type_cid=svp

Rick Sanchez used to be an on air personality with CNN. Nowadays he’s hotter under the collar than George Dubya in a burqa. So what’s got Rickie’s hijab in a twist? Well Jon Stewart doesn’t like him and only gets away with it because the media is controlled by Jews! That puts guys like him at a disadvantage. Guys like Sanchez, are in his words guys whose parents worked hard, who were never quite white enough (“white enough” is WASP as defined by the ruling secret Jewish kabal!), and who never had anything handed to him.

Didn’t Carroll O Connor used to sing this song at the beginning of All In The Family?

Guys like Stewart, on the other hand, are guys from the college educated middle class. Their father’s have degrees, while their mothers have part time jobs of choice that allow them to maintain their dignity and afford pretentious off season vacation packages. Their parents send them to prep schools where they wore penny loafers with dimes in them just to be assholish, and learn to stick their nose in the air by thinking that everyone else is stupid.

a couple of teabags shy of a pot, or just thought no one was listening to Sirius

So naturally there’s an ‘animosity’. That animosity spilled out last night during an astonishing Mel Gibson type radio rant out featuring Sanchez on Pete Dominick’s Sirius XM show. Rick was pissed off about getting replaced as CNN anchor in favour of an Elliot “Quagmire” Spitzer Show (The Jews again! When will they leave this man in peace?), and to promote his perhaps ironically titled new book “Conventional Idiocy“. Sanchez was mighty steamed about getting the ax, so he had a full head of steam to work off.

Guys like the snob on MASH, not the drunks on Cheers!

Now he had the explanation for CNN. The guys there just don’t get it. They don’t get it because they don’t get where he’s coming from. Where he’s coming from – in more or less his own words – is an ‘off white’ background of hard knocks where dads did real jobs for chicken feed and their sons didn’t get into Ivy League colleges with a letter from the bishop or local state senator. So when they see him they just see some ‘latino’.

“It’s not just the right that does this. ‘Cause I’ve known a lot of elite, Northeast establishment liberals that may not use this as a business model, but deep down, when they look at a guy like me, they look at a … they see a guy automatically who belongs in the second tier and not the top tier … White folks usually don’t see it, but we do, those of us who are minorities … Here, I’ll give you my example, it’s this, ‘You know what, I don’t want you anchoring anymore. I really don’t see you as an anchor, I see you more as a reporter. I see you more as a Jon Quinones.’ You know, the guy on ABC. That’s what he told me, he told me he saw me as Jon Quinones. Now, did he not realize that he was telling me, ‘when I see you I think of Hispanic reporters?’ ‘Cause in his mind, I can’t be an anchor, an anchor’s what you give the high profile white guys.”

Rickie has some ‘splainin’ to do

Now what Rickie actually says is that when he sees when he looks at Jon Quinones is a Hispanic reporter. Though “Jon Quinones” are fighting words, let’s not get sidetracked on side issues when there are bigger fish to fry. Fish like that little know it all Jon Stewart. Stewart is similar to those North Eastern Bean Towner types except more so. More so means raised in New Jersey with over educated parents and a temperature controlled silver spoon up his ass (that probably came with batteries & a remote control – you know what ‘those people’ are like with science & gadgets). That’s why the little snot boy just has no respect for anyone who isn’t a member of his little junior chamber of commerce clique of privileged, uptight, smugness. However let’s let Sanchez say it for himself:

“It happens all the time. I think to a certain extent, Jon Stewart and Colbert are the same way. I think Jon Stewart’s a bigot … Yeah, I think he’s a bigot … I think he looks at the world through his mom who was a schoolteacher and his dad who was a physicist, or something like that.

“Great, I’m so happy that he grew up in a suburban, middle class New Jersey home with everything that you could ever imagine.”

Jon Stewart thinks he’s a big man – a regular Jerry Lewis!

Now bigot is a strong word. When Dominick asked Sanchez to be more specific – that’s supposed to be his job as a serious journalist, Sanchez comes up short. It was as if he were just throwing the word around for effect. Just to prove he’s serious though, he reiterates:

“I think Jon’s show is essentially prejudicial … against anybody who doesn’t agree to his point of view, which is very much a white, Liberal establishment point of view. He can’t relate to a guy like me, he can’t relate to a guy whose dad worked all his life. He can’t relate to somebody who grew up poor,” Sanchez said.

Dominick, who was previously the “Daily Show’s” warm-up comic, continued to press Sanchez for specific examples of bigoted conduct by Stewart.

Sanchez ended up attempting to back off the comments slightly. “I’ll take the word ‘bigot’ back. I’ll say prejudicial — uninformed,” he said.

Rick Sanchez’s minority report

Now Sanchez may not have all his facts straight – which as a serious journalist makes him a prime target for satirists like Stewart – but he does have a point. Jewart does seem to pick on Sanchez for some reason. Maybe it’s because he’s intimated by Sanchez’s macho. Maybe it’s because he resents Stewart’s – supposedly – up tight upper middle class Jewish American upbringing. It’s the kind of angst non Jews feel every time they see Biloxi Blues: “If only I’d grown up a whiny little momma’s boy then I could be funny too!“. Then again Stewart picks on almost everyone. So how does he keep getting away with it since he’s not that funny?

The appeal of the Daily Show is lost on me. It seems awkwardly satirical with some downplayed PC ass kissing thrown in. It’s hardly good enough to justify the fuss. In fact it’s barely better than Bill Maher (though much less obnoxious!). Once the genuinely funny and genuinely clever Stephen Colbert came along with some genuine satire, Stewart should have been obsolete. Rick Sanchez has an answer for that one too.

those kind? “Nose” kind!

You see There are a lot of guys like Jon Stewart at CNN. There are a lot of guys like that at other networks to. Whether by consensus of mutual interest or deliberate, nefarious design – these no gooders control the media! When I say a lot of guys I don’t mean Freemasons, though they control freemasonry (and Hollywood, Las Vegas, & the Vatican! That’s part of their insidious plan to control the world by controlling America, and to control America by controlling the entertainment, the gambling and the religion. Although America doesn’t identify it’s self as a Catholic country, a disturbing number of American’s are, and even one President was, Catholic! You dirty mics no who you are! The fact that they managed to get a Catholic elected president, but managed to keep their boys behind the scenes by not getting a Jew elected president should tell you everything about how these types operate! As of this time Disneyland is still in pretty good shape, but it’s getting Jewed up with a vengeance!). They don’t have secret handshakes – though then again they might for all we really know. These guys are Jews, and they like to look out for each other. Kind of like a mafia! Here’s exactly what Sanchez had to say on that:

“Yeah, very powerless people. [laughs] He’s such a minority. I mean, you know, please. What are you kidding? I’m telling you that everybody who runs CNN is a lot like Stewart and a lot of people who run all the other networks are a lot like Stewart. And to imply that somehow they, the people in this country who are Jewish, are an oppressed minority?”

That was both concise and lucid! He summed it up admirably! Now the powers that be, and I shouldn’t have to tell you who that is *winkstein* *winkstein* are trying to shut him up! As of posting time CNN had made an announcement that Sanchez was no longer working with their channel. I guess he must’ve violated some of their little Nazi thought crime rules or something.

Dirty Sanchez, or was Mel Gibson right?

Anyway they made this announcement way in advance of any announcement by Sanchez about his future. They didn’t want to give the man a chance to step out with dignity! Not that those kind understand dignity. You’d think that they pushed Sanchez because they were afraid that Rickie wouldn’t do the honourable thing and jump! So if there’s been no official statement from Sanchez on this, it’s because one is no longer necessary now that the deck has been stacked! So when attempts to reach Sanchez for an official comment on why he went Mel Gibson on the radio repeatedly went unanswered, it’s not because he’s gutless or anything. Let’s just say that the Jews got another one! Besides I’m sure that Rick is taking some needed time off to catch up on reading the Protocols of the Elders of Zion. Did you know that reading that thing is like reading today’s news! It’s like it was written by Nostrodamus or something!

BTW since my eyes first started opening to the shadow world behind this one I’ve learned some amazing things. Here’s the most important things you have to know about the World Zionist Conspiracy!

1. Einstein stole the Theory of Relativity while still working as a patent clerk. The thesis was included as part of some guy’s perpetual motion invention!

2. “High profile white guys” mean Jews. The ‘white elite‘ are the front people, like Rockefeller was for the Rothschilds when he created the Federal Reserve by sinking the Titanic!

3. Jews have suppressed evidence of an alien crash at Area 51 to maintain faith in an Old Testament god, which is their lock on Western Culture. Of course they also try to undermine tradional values, but that just the Hegelian Dialectic in operation!

4. Jews have been spreading the rumour that Jesus Christ was Jewish for centuries!

5. The Jewish didn’t build Stonehenge, but repeatedly tried cheating Stone Age Briton’s out of it!

6. Every time you pay your cell phone bill portions of the money go to sponsor Israel!

7. The Jews not only started Hurricane Katrina, but then tried to blame it on black people!

8. Bill Clinton is secretly Jewish!

9. Jews killed Princess Diana because they feared the influence that Dodi Al Fayd might gain!

10. Some of your best friends might be Jewish. Even worse, you might not know it! They routine anglicize their names, Like Bernie Schwartz to Tony Curtis. This way they can inveigle themselves into society and work it’s ruin. It’s like a kind of Fifth Column right here in our midst. So be on guard, lest they come for you too! My advice – never trust a guy who’s been circumcised, or a woman who’s had a nose job!

Now a little more of Mr Sanchez and some borderline comments about the pres. Wait for it cause it’s about 1 minute into the video.

Well I guess Sanchez’s goose is cooked, and rightly so. His career looks like it’s going the same way as Mel Gibson’s, Michael Richard’s, Don Imus’, etc. Who knew that world was still such a racist place? Still, if Sarah Palin has shown us anything it’s that just because some one has no business having a career doesn’t mean that the public has heard the last of them.

Maybe Sanchez will get onto reality TV via race rehab. Now that’s not a bad idea since at the rate celebs are fucking up in public the powers that be – Jewish or otherwise – are gonna have to do something or their won’t be a celeb left that isn’t racist, drug addicted, a sex offender, or otherwise retarded (I can still say that because the retarded aren’t a race, right? Or are they?). Who knows, maybe inflammatory FOX News can do something for him. They’ve aired more extreme, equally insane views on their network. Glenn Beck, with his chalk board and greasy finger of Vick’s, is already running his news show on an X Files basis! FOX is America’s No 1 source for news related information, just like The Daily Show is America’s No 1 source for news related commentary.

wondertrash
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