US hockey in Sochi – what happened?

When it comes to entertainment sports is a main event. When it comes to hockey America is usually a pretty strong contender (Unless you’re talking about those southern franchises from states where they don’t have ice, sow hat can you expect?). Of the original 6 NHL teams 4 are American franchises. So in Olympic competition the USA can usually be counted on for a medal, and are usually a gold medal threat.

So what the fuck happened to them at the Sochi Winter Olympics? They blew their bronze medal game and went away without a medal, or a goal! Basically they lost 5-0. This is where expert analysis comes in. In this case the expert analysis comes from FOX Sports, and a seasoned respected hockey veteran. Let’s have a brief look at the following FOX video and try to glean a little insight into exactly where the American Hockey Train left the rails.

Alec Baldwin is leaving New York – what happened?

This never ever would’ve happened to them if they’d had Charlie Sheen on board. He whipped the Mighty Ducks into shape!  BTW it’s not only a bad day for American hockey. Things ain’t looking too good for Alec Baldwin either. He managed to offend some people with some impulsive remarks that he may or may not have made. Basically he was accused of using a homophobic slur against a photographer whom he felt was harassing his then pregnant wife. Alec said he didn’t say it and that he didn’t mean it,  but the brouhaha didn’t quite blow over. So that has Alex saying he’s getting the fuck out of New York – which he says has lost it’s soul anyway (according to a recent interview he says NYC’s soul has moved to Brooklyn). He also took the opportunity to deliver some tongue lashings, like:

“Morning Joe” co-host Joe Scarborough “is neither eloquent nor funny,” Baldwin wrote. He called MSNBC star Rachel Maddow “a phony who doesn’t have the same passion for the truth off-camera that she seems to have on the air.” He called CNN’s Anderson Cooper “the self-appointed Jack Valenti of gay media culture,” referring to the late motion picture association president who created the film ratings system.

Nothing personal. Alec has it in for the media these days:

“I loathe and despise the media in a way I did not think possible,” Baldwin writes. “This is the last time I’m going to talk about my personal life in an American publication ever again.” He also denies that he used a homophobic slur during the confrontation with the photographer. “Do you honestly believe I would give someone like TMZ’s Harvey Levin, of all people, another club to beat me with?” he writes.


“If MSNBC went off the air tomorrow, what difference would it make?”

Alec used to work with MSNBC, but his show got pulled followed his alleged controversial comments.

You can read more about Baldwin’s fare well & go to hell goodbye to New York @ Page 6. & USA Today.

Now the $64 000 dollar question is what is Alec gonna do to redeem himself? He could go on Dancing With The Stars. That’s the usual celebrity rehabilitation route. If he picks a same sex dance partner it would not only send out a positive message, but wife Hilaria could also rest assured that no hank panky is going on. That is unless Alec takes his rehabilitation really seriously. The problem with that is it’s totally overdone.

I’d suggest finding a Hollywood mentor to help him negotiate this difficult period. Now when it comes to handling himself in public few are in George Clooney’s league. That’s cause Clooney is as smooth as he is cool. The man never ever says one word out of place. He’s also got out of the USA and over to Lake Como Italy before anything untoward ever had a chance of happening. That’s very good planning. So with GC’s sage guidance Alec might be able to avoid unfotunate public gaffs inthe future. That only leaves the question of what to do aboutt he exsisting fallout.

Naturally there’s only one man for that job. Charlie Sheen has weathered more storms than Alec Baldwin has gotten around to yet. Any one of Charlie’s crisis might’ve finished lesser men. Yet Charlie not only survives but comes out stronger. He’s not reached the point where he’s accepted for who he is and so can live by his own rules. Let’s face it, the man’s a bona fide warlock! So he might be the very one tot each Baldwin how to ride the mercury surf board across the stormy shit tsunami now threatening to engulf his life. With Charlie to show him the way Baldwin might turn this whole thing around and come out bigger, stronger, and better than ever before. Let’s put it this way, it’s either that, or move to France. April’s coming up so it might be a nice time for Paris.

In the meantime hang in there Alec. Keep a low profile. Don’t say anything more than you have to. Maybe catch up on some long neglected hobbies. Sooner or later, and more sooner than later if experience is any indication, some other celebrity is gonna do or say something so outrageous that your current problems will be forgotten like a back page new item. There’s just no shortage of disgraced celebrities in the Internet age, and we’re getting more all the time.

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Alex Jones Goes Ballistic with Piers Morgan

The best TV since the WCW went out of business and the WWF turned into the WWE

If you’re following Twitter trends then you’ve noticed that Alex Jones (they guy who drove Charlie Sheen “warlock” insane) is now at #3. That’s because Jones was just on Piers Morgan‘s CNN show and gave a performance the like of which has never been seen outside the world of pro wrestling (I’m an Andy Kaufman fan so that’s a huge compliment). Basically Alex Jones has accused Piers of being a foreign object that the ref needs to eject from the ring. At least that’s the gist of his petition. The petition has reached over 100 000 signatures. Now whether or not that’s enough to send Piers back to London, it was more than enough to get Alex some mainstream exposure on CNN, & that’s got the twittervcerse buzzing. See what the commotion’s about by viewing Piers and Alex go at it in a no holds barred Texas style smack down in the following videos. Have fun and don’t forget to get yerself riled up!

TV has been crying out for this kind of entertainment ever since sit coms got squeezed out by countless Kardashian reality TV shows. The public has responded too. At least some where tonight some one has thrown a boot through the TV screen. Even the approx half of you who think that Alex has no business on the air are still eager for a rematch! The way the net’s been burning up, CNN would be nuts not too!

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Charlie Sheen’s Video Message to President Obama

Sure Brad & Angelina have gotten engaged, but here are a few words from Charlie Sheen!

As for Brad & Angelina there are some unanswered questions about that too. So far Hollywood ‘jeweler to the stars’ Robert Procop – or that’s what I call him because it’s the sort of phrase you’d expect to turn up in a gossip blog – confirms that he had been commissioned to design an engagement ring for Angelina Jolie and that he is designing it with Brad Pitt. Jolie wore the ring (estimated value $250 000) in public just the other night at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art where she was attending a private viewing.

Brad’s spokeswoman Cynthia Pett-Dante later confirmed the news, saying: ‘It is a promise for the future and their kids are very happy. There’s no date set at this time.

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Watch Lindsay Lohan Age Before Your Eyes (VIDEO)

it seems like yesterday since she’s been around forever

It seems like Lindsay Lohan has been around forever. That’s because she started young. At an early age she was sold into celebrity bondage while still a child. Some blame her parents for this. Now that’s kind of harsh. They didn’t send her up in a balloon or anything, while negotiating with CNN for rights to exclusive child in distress video footage. Nor was she one of a multi embryo celebrood spawned specifically for the purposes of reality TV! Still her parents probably didn’t do much to help. That’s why she’s had to rely on the kindness of strangers over the years, like such as Dr. Drew. Perhaps those high minded meddlers were more strange than kind as Lindsay hasn’t fared too well.

life is a moving violation

Now Lindz has had her problems, like repeated run ins with the law. It seems like Lohan has spent more time in front of a judge than a camera over the past several years. Now to give the poor young lady the benefit of the doubt much of that stemmed from probation violations from previous probation violations from the original charges for things as innocuous as drinking and driving, or blowing off community service and court mandated rehab. It’s like a small nucleus of petty criminal infractions has pyramided out into a life of crime. Then again that Lindsay does have an attitude – like the time she got into that snit with a staff member at Betty Ford. Gosspistas will recall that Lohan got caught coming or going over the wall – like Steve McQueen in the Great Escape, & by a staff member who wasn’t a fan of the film. Next thing you know TMZ is in on the act and the staff member is wearing a neck brace (maybe she had her arm in a sling) and law suits are getting talked about. That poor woman eventually lost her job. You can’t work at Betty Ford if celebrity clients are afraid that there gonna get sued. The case may have been eventually settled or dropped – moral of the story is it don’t pay to play with firecrotch.

sleazy going

So Lindsay has done a lot of troubled living in her 25 years. When you burn the candle at both ends it tends to show. Lohan hasn’t just burned it but set it off like a fire cracker. That’s left her in the worse for wear club. Everyone knows that stress takes it out of you. Just look at Presidents serving especially trying terms of office. They go from youthful America’s Quaterback types with athletic good looks and sleazy easy going charm to grey haired dessicated old geezers recovering from their triple by passes. As for Lohan she’s in worse shape these days than Ronald Reagan was after his run in with David Hinkley! It’s so bad that the last time she really made the news it was the days after hosting Saturday Night Live (her idea). That morning former 80’s rocker Debbie Harry walked out on the street and got swarmed by paparazzi who mistook her for Lohan!

So how bad is it? You can survey the damage that the ravages of fame & see for yourself by viewing the following video. Brace yourself and if there are children present then you might want to get them out of the room before you run this thing.

a little clockwork orange with her vodka?

So what happened to the woman who used to be the promising girl with a spark? Most people blame the usual suspects like drugs and alcohol. If only there were some way to force her to get help, they think, perhaps through amputation or mind control, then she could be restored to some well behaved zombie version of her former self. She might no longer be the girl with the spark they reason but at least you could let her out ion public. So she’d wind up like Alex in a Clockwork Orange – that is unless she rejected her programming and went on one massive relapse bender. Fans of Clockwork Orange will recall that brain washing has side effects – though maybe a light mental flossing might be in order.

you’ve got to reach the top before rock bottom is a worth while trip

Others think that lousy parenting combined with the absence of any real friends in her life as left her at a lose. They closest thing she’s ever had to a nurturing relationship was they time she shared with Samantha Ronson. People who were normally supportive of gay relationships seemed very disapproving of that one. Officially it was because they assumed she was faking it in some kind of an attempt to get attention – not that she’s ever had to attempt to get attention. Unofficially it was probably because they thought Ronson was ‘enabling’ her and it was gonna be a lot more difficult to get to her if she was hiding behind her lover. People have to be isolated and broken down if you’re gonna get them to rock bottom and the pint at which they’re ready to receive help on your terms – oh those rehab power struggles! Charlie Sheen could tell you a thing or two about that believe me!

Baphomet strikes again! – another victim of the New World Order

The conspiracy minded, whom I include myself among, believe that it’s because Hollywood is infested with Illuminati demon worshipers who seek out the brightest and best from America’s youth, lure them into the candy shop like some infernal flame drawing unwary moths, and then proceeds to corrupt them. In practice corrupting them means chewing them up and spitting them out through the usual process of flunkies, drugs, bad deals, plastic surgery, nude photo spreads, tattoos, alternative celebrity spirituality cults, rehab, law suits, and failed comebacks. It’s happened to Britney Spears and Megan Fox is current somewhere in the midst of that cycle. In the end what’s left is unrecognizable.

the down side of child sacrifice

However what happened is only speculation. Only Lindsay may know for sure and no one would believe her if she told them. For one thing no one’s gonna listen to that lying little druggie! So she’s better off keeping quiet, except for whatever she’s obliged to say under oath in a courtroom. What we do know is that celebrity has worked out about as well for her as it has for most of the other child stars out there – except for the ones who died. Saying that fame and fortune ain’t everything it’s cracked up to be, no matter what they – tell you might sound like a bit of a cliche, but in this case it’s more of a truism. So if you have children of your own and are thinking about cashing in on their youth and potential then think twice. You know how that’s gonna work out. Further more no one will believe that you didn’t. That means your excuses won’t wash in the merciless court of public opinion (where they can’t hang you but they’ll get you one way or another cause there’s more than one way to skin a cat!). After all you were warned, and should’ve been smart enough to know different anyway! You’ve seen that show before for one thing!

There are no refunds for a misspent youth so give your heart a facelift!

Part of the trouble with the entertainment business is that it’s a little like selling your soul, or at least like cashing in on youth and beauty. Trouble with that is there are no refunds, no matter how good your plastic surgeon is. The best you can do is roll back the odometer a little for a while. Eventually the mileage catches up with you and brings along the interest charges. Sadly there are no facelifts for the soul, except for perhaps Qaballah.

Saving face or taking heart – gossip that’s like a personal trainer for your soul

However you don’t have to get involved in the celebrity rat race to enjoy show biz. You can do it vicariously and from a safe distance through Wondertrash – the blog that doesn’t look a day over 30!

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Gossip Overload

Heather Locklear hospitalized

Things are heating up so hold on to your hats. 1stly Heather Locklear is back in hospital. She’s had an off and on battle with booze and pills for over 15 years. She kept it a well hidden secret by drinking on the sly and checking into hotels with a sobriety coach to dry out. It came to light back when her ex Richie Sambora started seeing Charlie Sheen ex Denise Richards. The strain may have been too much for Locklear and she went off the wagon. That’s when her years of secret drinking got out.

The on and off battle is on again with a vengeance. TMZ is reporting that Heather has been admitted to hospital for a booze and pills overdose. Heather’s sister found her and phoned authorities on 2:05 PM. That’s when the Verntura County Sheriff’s Dept got involved. Paramedics who arrived on the scene decided Heather needed to be hospitalized. This comes on the heels of her bust up with former Melrose Place co star Jack Wagner.

Lindsay Lohan – Lien on me

Locklear isn’t the only celeb having a hard time of it lately. Lindsay Lohan specializes in hard times and things are now getting seriously hairy for her. She’s had her brushes with the law from time to time, and usually she comes out ahead. This time the big guns are pointed straight her way. The big guns in question belong to the IRS, and these dudes don’t mess around.

Now everyone who’s been following Lindz knows that she’s run into some serious fiscal trouble lately. That’s because she’s been out of work for awhile. Paying of a pack of lawyers to keep her ass out of jail didn’t help the situation. Some stories have had her bumming money out of friends at the super market check out so that she could afford her Ben & Jerry’s. Her current situation is more serious. Seems that she owes Uncle Sam about $93 000 that she neglected to pay. SO the IRS is putting a lien on her.

Lindz, through her spokes persons, says that shew as unaware of the problem. That’s believable, since for one thing she’s had a lot of plates spinning. Sources also say that the tax bill got lost in the shuffle – Lindz recently replaced most of her financial management. The problem should be easy to fix. Lindz recently got a million dollar pay day for doffing her duds in Playboy. Besides, if things really get rough there’s always Dancing With the Stars!

Sinead O Connor in crisis

A mess with the IRS is bad but it could be worse. It seems to be for radical Irish songstress Sinead O Conner. If you’re beyond a certain age you’ll remember that she’s the one who tore up a picture of the Pope on SNL to protest Andrew Dice Clay’s participation in the show! Clay’s Jewish so it didn’t really make sense – but it was a long time ago.

Lately Sinead’s been erratic. Things started out innocently enough. She had a gig to cut some tracks for some new album. She got herself a Twitter account about the same time. At first the tweets were straight forward – the “hi how are ya” kind. There was even a good dose of self effacing humour – “I’m a gal you can take anywhere twice, the second time to apologize“. Then things started spiraling out of control.

Sinead got married to some guy. It only lasted 16 days. Then she started tweeting about how she needed a man real bad, especially if he was Robert Downey jr! She tweeted that she was developing some strange preoccupations with fresh supermarket produce, what without a good man being handy. Finally she took to the Tweet to ask her followers if they knew any good shrinks in the Dublin/Wicklow area. She explained that she was crying out to the world because Ireland is a poor place to look for help. Well it’s now been revealed that Sinead has attempted suicide a couple of times recently – once by overdose after a performance in LA last Thursday, in which Glenn Close was in attendance! Hopefully things will improve for O Connor.


Charlie Sheen Emmy Awards

A little while a go, and about the same time that UFO descended on Israel – not that I’m implying that there’s any kind of connection or anything, Charlie Sheen startled the world. He’s been doing that on and off ever since he discovered the heady joys of drugs, booze, and loose women – not to mention trashing hotel rooms. Let’s face it, he’s a totally bitchin’ rock star from Mars who was born to shock the shit out of the Gnarley Gnarlintons of the world. However back then he took it to a whole new level.

Back then, and it wasn’t so many months ago, Charlie took his fued with producer Chuck Lorre public. He phoned up his good pal conspiracy radio show host Alex Jones to air some of his beefs. That’s when his torrents of warlock rage were unleashed onto an unsuspecting public. We got to hear all about Tiger’s Blood (now a new Red Bull rip off energy drink!), Adonis DNA (Charlie has it!), fire breathing fists, not to mention goddess who walk among us in the form of adult film stars. Who knew?

Something else no one knew was what happened to Charlie. There were theories, like Charlie was a mind controlled monarch slave who’s MK Ultra programming had broken down. That’s why there was a big push for rehab. His controllers wanted to get him back into the shop for a tune up. Other thought that Charlie had a tantric awakening while practising radical and extreme sex with his companions. Hence the references to them as “goddesses”. That’s a tantric term. Most opted for more down to earth explanations like Charlie fried his brains with drugs and booze, and then went a little nuts.

Well whatever it was that happened to him – without benefit of jumping the shit out of Oprah Winfrey’s couch – it had the rest of us on the edge of our seats. Everyone wanted to know what Charlie was gonna say or do next, even if we had to tune into Livestream to watch Sheen’s Korner to see. That was no small feat since there was a wart on in Libya at the time and Col Qadaffi had to fight tooth and nail not only against rebels, but also against Charlie to gets his name into the news edgewise.

Well you’ll be happy to know that things are starting to work out for America’s no 1 warlock. He got fired off of his show, where he was never very happy. He’s hammered out a custody agreement with his ex wife Brooke Mueller – who isn’t an alleged goddess. He also gave a speech at last night’s Emmy’s. Charlie was funny, charming, and coherent – his old self in other words. Here he is so that you can see for yourself!

PS you might think that Charlie’s freak out was bad, but it was nothing compared to Sly Stallone’s. Fortunately that one got covered up, almost!

Wonder Woman Love

Shit Com

a big shit com burning britches behind

Chuck Lorre is sending out a strong message that drugging, boozing, stripper chasing, and other general tom foolery and shit fuckery will not be tolerated. To that end he has ordered Charlie Sheen killed. Not actually but virtually, in the form of his 2 ½ Men character. It must be something like burning an unpopular politician in effigy, and Lorre wants to make sure the festivities get just as much attention as any actual hate rally. So he’s planned a big “fuck off Charlie” episode, complete with a funeral. This has been getting much Internet hype. 2 ½ Men was the top rated TV sit com for years and Lorre wants to make sure that dead Charlie gets higher ratings than live Charlie ever did.

I wouldn’t have done it that way. Sending Sheen’s character into rehab or jail for awhile would’ve been less extreme. If Charlie really had to go, for the good of the team, then I’d have sent him off on a mid life crisis to a Buddhist monastery high in the Himalayas. That’s a nice ironic twist after years of ho’ hounding. Plus it leaves the door open for a come back. Enlightened Charlie could return in the last season to surprise and annoy everyone with flashes of possible insight.

Killing him off is just malicious. Plus it’s real bad business sense. I may be only a lowly, mentally unstable internet blogger, and not a high powered sit com producer; but even I know that killing off a character is a bad move. For one thing, what if your series starts to tank out and you need to bring them back but you can’t because you’ve burned you’re bridges behind you? Then you’ve got two bad choices. (Two bad alternatives to choose between?)

1. You can pull the plug on a major money earner and quietly explain to your colleagues that you got a bit carried away and fucked up by killing the goose that laid the golden egg. By the time you realized what an ass you were it was too late for CPR. So file it under “Milt Spilk’. Hey, pobody’s nerfect!

2. You can opt for some ridiculous plot twist to bring the beloved character back to save the show. Now that might work on Star Trek, where they brought Denise Crosby back from the dead for years, by way of black holes, singularities, time warps, and meddling demi gods from the centre of the galaxy – “Hi Capt Picard. I’m Q and this woman says she knows you.” However when you can’t rewrite the laws of physics these twists can completely destroy the credibility of an otherwise popular show. It could wind up as something people will talk about for years along with the time Fonzie jumped the shark. Like when Pamela Ewing woke up and found her dead husband showering in the bathroom. “Why so surprised Pammy? Haven’t you heard that you can’t keep a good man down?” , “Oh Bobby I’m so happy that you snapped out of it. Now we can get back to normal.”

Disclaimer: Utter Bullshit Follows

That Dallas episode is something that people still talk about. It’s not the worst case. One of the worst case scenarios never happened and involved the Andy Griffith Show. It’s a little known fact that back in the 50’s and at the height of the show’s popularity Griffith had a vicious falling out with co star Don Knotts. Knotts could be very annoying in person and Andy was much more of an asshole than anyone ever let on. So shit happened faster than you could say ‘Lewis & Martin’.

Don did or said something wrong and Andy got madder than a blood hound tryin’ to hump a jack rabbit. So he went to the producers and laid it on them point blank that he wanted Knotts gone in the worst way. Now in that case worst way meant not just out quick, but in some humiliating scene that would make him a laughingstock and ruin him in the industry. He had to wind up looking so bad that he’d never work again because every time people saw him they’d burst out laughing. He mentioned some ideas like having Barney Fife kidnapped, raped, and murdered by a pack of roving circus clowns. He called it “The Crime that Shocked Mayberry”. Or maybe Fife could get killed in a freak accident at the county fair. He could fall into the candy apple machine and then get eaten by mules. He even had one idea where Barney dies meekly after being taken hostage by a drug crazed New York City transvestite. He said it would be cutting edge. Griffith had even dreamed up some dialogue for it, with him asking Knotts “How did you manage to get yourself into this?”, and Knotts answering in character, “How was I supposed to know he was a man? I’ve never been with a woman before!” Needless to say Andy was mad!

That left Mayberry producers with a real problem on their hands. Andy’s ideas were colourful and inventive, but not really Mayberry material. They could simply have Fife leave town, and then quietly fire Knotts, but Griffith wouldn’t have it. He wanted a big humiliating stink to teach Knott’s a lesson he’d never forget. So he was pushing for these weirdo ideas. Of course the sight of Knotts getting lured into a trailer by circus freaks and then getting sadistically butchered while wearing grease paint and a red nose would’ve alienated the audience. That’s how bad things had gotten. Griffith was willing to go that far to screw Knotts, and destroy his own show in the process.

The producers had to show Andy the errors of his ways. So they got together with the writers and came up with an idea so whacked out that even Griffith would think it was too far. They called it ‘the MK Ultra Episode’. The episode would reveal that Barney Fife had been a brain washed slave under the control of Griffith’s character. Just like the victims of CIA brainwashing experiments. Like most brain washed slaves Fife was obedient but incompetent and his blundering had finally gone too far. The sheriff would finally hold his deputy to ultimate accountability by triggering his suicide programming. The final scene would feature a teary Knotts looking Griffith in the eye and crying “Andy, why?” while Griffith explained that there was no room for failure in Mayberry. Griffith would then hand Fife his service revolver and tell him to go out back, and to “be a man about it, because Opie’s watching and you don’t want him to think you’re a loser.” Fife would tearfully take the gun and say “Well, for Opie”, then shuffle out the door, after which a loud shot would be heard.. That would be followed by some light banter between Griffith and Ron Howard, in which Opie asks “What’ll we do about a deputy now Dad?” and Griffith answers “Gee I dunno son. Maybe we’ll have to train a chimp. It’a be easier, and he’d be cheaper to keep. How’d you like a chimp, son?”

The producers thought this would do it. It was so extreme that no one outside of a mental ward would go for it. Plus it was so allegorical that Griffith had to get it. Hopefully he’d sit down, hear out the idea, and then realize that he’d been going over board. “I have been a little carried away lately”, Griffith might say. Then everyone would have a good laugh and be relieved that things got stopped in time, before they went too far.

Trouble was that Andy loved the idea. He thought it was the greatest thing he’d heard. He insisted that the producers do it. Since they’d gone along this far they didn’t know how to back out. They were cornered. So the whole thing got written up and slated in. Don Knotts thought it was some kind of a joke, until Griffith started calling him “Old Yeller” and following him around the set with a prop gun. He’d wave the gun under Knotts’ nose and say “lookin’ forward to your retirement Old Yeller?”

The episode, with the working title of “Old Yeller”, was scheduled in. So with each episode that got completed it moved closer and closer to the head of the line. The only hope was that Griffith would snap out of it and come to his senses, but he showed no signs of easing up. He just kept badgering Knotts by pushing his folksy charm to psychotic extremes. Then a week before the episode was due to go into production Griffith went off on a bender with some cocktail waitress. By the time he got back he was hung over and having memory black outs. So the whole thing blew over.

It was a simpler time. That’s because even though everyone involved was a raging asshole at least they could find a way to get past their problems before the train went off the rails. Even if the way past them was only an alcoholic blackout. Things got a chance to blow over. In Mayberry’s case an unfortunate mess was avoided. Don Knotts escaped from the Old Yeller retirement home and the cast went on pretending to get along. So generations got to enjoy the home spun fun of Mayberry.

Pretending to get along shouldn’t be too hard for show business professionals. However with season premiers looming on the horizon it doesn’t look like things are gonna blow over in time to get back to normal. Unless there’s a cocktail waitress with a quart of Jack Daniels waiting to save the day. When Charlie Sheen’s involved that’s possible. Meanwhile we still have the Internet to entertain us. Or look for Charlie to come back after a year and a ratings dip, to reveal that he was on a secret spy mission and his death was staged to protect his family. Or the kid just had a bad dream. Considering Charlie’s salary demands that’s gonna cost; it might not help much but it’s gonna cost.

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