Brat Pack

gotten rotten

If you read the last Wondertrash post you might have gotten the feeling that I’m just not trying anymore. Maybe the word ‘apathetic’ in the title was a give away. Trying leads to so much mischief in life – if our celebrities are any indication – that sometimes not trying is worth a try. The less effort the less trouble gets made. However if everyone thought like that then the history books would be empty, and school boys would have nothing to trouble them. We can’t all be buddhas, right away anyway. So in the spirit of wholesome mischief, here’s some fresh shit.

Justin TV

It seems that no one is bigger these days then Justin Bieber; not since Charlie Sheen went back on his meds and recovered from that case of Sheenius. It seems that when ever this kid breaks wind it becomes an over publicized non event of the kind that might get 24 hour on going “developing story” type coverage on CNN. So if you so sick of this kid that you want to punch out random mop topped teen on the street, then skip over this part. It’s gonna send you over.

breaking Bieber

The latest out break of Bieber fever has the Beeb on CSI. He was already killed off on Law & Order, but like Jesus the death didn’t take and so he back to haunt us. As said his latest appearance was on CSI, though it might have been easier to take if he’d appeared in a grilled cheese sandwich or bowling alley lane – Jesus style. Anyway Justy keeps his cheesy mainstream so he got on CSI where he met Marge Helgenberger.

Justy & Busty

Now this musty been a big deal in the life of a growing boy. Margy, you’ll recall, is the gal who acts in CSI and whose boobs are prominently feature, often hoist up into a firing position. So Justy must’ve been keen to make a real good impression on her. Maybe that’s why Margy says that he seemed like a real nice guy when she met him. Her exact words, as quoted by Radaronline, were “He was nice to me.” See, I said he was nice!

Everyone can’t have big boobs, so Justy can’t be nice to everyone

Thing was that it didn’t stop there. Seems that Justy wasn’t quite so nice with his other, non mammary endowed castmates. In fact Boobs, I mean Margy, goes on to say that, and once again I quote by way of Radaronline, that “I shouldn’t be saying this but he was kind of a brat.” Actually that part got said on a French radio interview, but Radaronline got wind of it and repeated it! Busty goes on to say that “He was nice to me but he locked one of the producers in a closet and he put his fist through a cake that was one the cast’s table!

the moral of the story

So what can we draw from this? Well for one thing Justy is a real swell guy, if you happen to be a hot chick with great big boobs that stick up at a 45 degree angle. Other wise watch you’re step, cause he can be a rotten little jerk. Also we’ve learned that you have to watch what you say, cause what you say can get around. Even if it’s said over seas and in a foreign language. If it’s about Bieber then the world is gonna know about it and more sooner than later. That probably has something to do with the Internet! Finally we’ve learned that the mass media hasn’t gotten tired of talking about Bieber yet, not matter how sick of him everyone else is. That probably has something to do with his appeal to teenage girls and middle aged “Herbert the Pervert” types. So we’re probably gonna keep hearing too much about him in the future, even if you dearly wish that he and Miley Ray Cyrus would run away together and never be seen or heard from again.

Now something in the spirit of big boobs sticking up on a 45 degree angle!

dirty ditties – every doggerel has it’s day

Some people wonder what’s gotten into celebrities today. I think that it’s the age we live in. The whole sad sorry mess can probably summed up in the following little ditty!

So you real can’t blame the Biebs for being as rotten little jerk when thing are rotten, like the song says! Even a Robin Hood might fall victim to his own vanity.

So when other legends are forgotten, just remember back when things were rotten. It’s a Wondertrash thing!


Malcolm in a Mess

Increasingly adult situations continue to pose problems for child actors

Remember Frankie Muniz? He was the smart alecky high schooler and awkward middle child on Malcolm In The Middle. Since he portrayed a teen ager who had a thought in his head and who could confront increasingly adult situations with a glimmer of intelligence and sensitivity, it gave him credibility as an actor. The way it gave Fred Savage that years before, on the Wonder Years. Well that is before Fred got charged or sued by that wardrobe girl who claimed he felt her up.

I’m not a genius but I play one on TV

People had higher hopes for Muniz. He played a kid with a 160 IQ so that oughta count for something. Plus he seemed comfortable with letting go of fame. He wasn’t out trying to get some new series, or singing career on the go. He was doing other things to keep him interested. He started racing cars. Now that’s a sensible outlet to youthful exuberance, as opposed to crashing them on freeways. He did get a band on the go, but he played serious gigs. Not MTV type stuff angled at starting a performing career. So maybe this was one child star who’d turn out to be normal.

Trouble & Turnblow Love

If that’s what you expected then you might find the most recent news out of Muniz disappointing. Seems that Frankie’s latest increasing adult situation ain’t working out for him. Frankie has gotten involved with a girl –Elycia Turnbow. Turnblow has set herself up to be the Mila Kunis to Muniz creepy troubled Macaulay Kulkin. Not that I’m accusing anyone of playing the “How Does She Put Up With Him” game (read Eric Burns). Let’s just say that the more involved with Turnblow he got, the creepier and more troubled Muniz became. Maybe that’s what she likes about him. Who knows but let’s give her the benefit of the doubt.

Malcolm in a muddle

Anyway the latest increase in Muniz’s adult situation came just recently, and in the form of domestic assault. According to Muniz’s girlfriend (if she’s as much of a girl as she is a friend then she might be a female impersonator!) in her official police report: sometime last Friday they were arguing about previous relationships (she was threatening to leave and go back with her old boyfriend) when Frankie flipped the fuck out and got all despondent. That is a pulled a loaded gun and held to his own head. That was after he punched her in the head and shoved her into a wall. Then he made some noises about killing himself. Naturally she phoned for help, ’cause people need to know what sort of a lunatic she’s living with.

Love for the record

Not surprisingly Muniz had a different story. Firstly he claims, in his official police statement, that “I love her too much. She is the woman I want to marry.” A pathetic cry for help if I’ve ever heard one! After putting everything into context, he then he goes on to tell what he says really happened. He was sleeping last Friday when about 10 PM he was awakened by someone screaming and hitting him in the face. This was the love of his life, the aforementioned Turnblow.

love & other guns

Well Frankie says that what happened next was him just trying to defend himself from that onslaught of love taps. Except for the part about the gun. The gun wasn’t loaded, for one thing. For another he says he didn’t even pull the gun on himself, but the gun holster. It was just a way of making a point, like using air quotes. That Malcolm always could talk himself out of a spot.

Unfortunately this time the cops checked the gun, and found that it was in fact loaded. Perhaps the difference between Muniz and Charlie Sheen is that Charlie would’ve pulled the gun on the chick. So is that why he makes $2 million a week and Muniz can’t get arrested (even lately)? The wimp has no killer instinct!

no harm no foul, but don’t do it again

Maybe that’s also why Muniz didn’t get arrested. The cops checked both parties for injuries, and found none. So that left them with a ticklish “He said, she said” situation of the kind that makes hardened police officers check out for donuts when ever a domestic complaint is called in. Besides, what else could they do, other than impound the gun. Which they did. They also warned the young lovers that if they keep up the mischief, then the next time they’re both going to jail. Sounds like they were too cynical to decide who to root for in that situation!

I’m not normal but I play it on TV

So that upshot is that yet another child star is going off the rails, as Muniz has had his Fred Savage Moment. Which is almost ironic considering shat a good job he did off acting normal on his show. Then again there’s a lot of difference between acting normal and being normal. Whatever normal is. So we shouldn’t be too surprised that Muniz is in his current increasingly adult type situation. Remember that he’s only accused of turning a gun on himself, and not anyone else. So there’s hope for him. Wish him luck, readers!


Celebrity Outrage Mania!

Wonky Willie – more nuts than chocolate!

Usually Awards season marks a lull in celebrity shenanigans. Everyone is on their best behavior because no one wants to fuck up and forfeit their invitation to the prom. Getting jammed up prior to the Oscars and losing your Golden Ticket could mean instant demotion to the D List (Just like Chris Brown about this time last year. If you’re you’re gonna mess up at least wait until after the ceremonies, like Sandra Bullock ex Jesse James. Last year’s Oscars are gonna be a tough act to follow!). So everyone tries to put their best foot forward at all times. That means sucking it in until the season passes so they can get back to their normal bad behavior. Usually that is, but this season seems to be a bit of an exception.

Hornet’s Nest it was Tom Cruise’s controversial announcement that the Oscars don’t really matter that shook everyone loose but we’re getting some alearming reports of celebrity outrage mania coming out of the thirty mile zone. Reports like those concerning Edward Furlong. You might remember him from Terminator 2. People predicted a great future for him but then he got mixed up in drugs of the crystal meth variety, Now that stuff not only messes up you face real bad but can make your career and life unmanageable. So Furlong had a sort of hiatus for awhile. in this case hiatus means he became as unemployable as Lindsay Lohan (a sure Oscar night absentee, even if she ain’t in rehab or wearing a scram bracelet on the night).

That hiatus recently ended when Furlong was cast in The Green Hornet. Hornet is an anticipated film so it’s good work for a promising actor trying to get back on track. Unfortunately some old baggage came back to haunt him. Furlong has had a tempestuous relationship with his ex wife Rachel Kneeland. By tempestuous I mean that the police often have to mediate between the pair. mediation has lead to a restraining order. In fact the terms of the order require Furlong to stay at least 100 yards away from Kneeland at all times. To put that in perspective they could attend the same football game but only of they’re seated in opposite end zones.

Furlong decided to do an end run around the restraining order recently, at least according to the ex. While he’d didn’t go for a touch down, he did get within the 50 yard line. So that was a technical foul and lead to the troubled young actor getting carted off by the cops and then locked up on 75 000 bail! That’s a lot of money for some one who’s last major role was as robot Schwarzenegger’s teen aged side kick, and who spend the time since then burning up his earnings through little glass pipes! It couldn’t have happened at a worse time either – the arrest happened with in 24 hours of Furlong attending a special Green Hornet premier. The actual violation occurred about a month back so that makes the timing sound like a case of revenge being served cold, or at least chilled.Oh the humiliation!

If there’s a bit of spite involved it shouldn’t be too surprising. Furlong and Kneeland, who also goes under the name Rachel Bella, had a real bad bust up. During the divorce Kneeland claimed that Furlong had started to lose his grip on reality after his drug use escalated out of proportion. She claimed that he beat her up, threatened her life frequently, and also became psychotic and suicidal. Oh yeah and she had him committed to a psych ward at one point. Plus a lot of creepy phone message by Furlong for Kneeland have got released along the way. They concern Furlong’s son Ethan by Kneeland and swear bloody reprisals against Kneeland’s current boyfriends should they get anywhere near the lad. Bloody reprisals in this case mean an enraged and drugged up Furlong threatening to tear things out and open things up in the grievous bodily harm vein!

Now Furlong’s reps were claiming that he’d been clean and sober of 5 years. those kind of assurances no doubt helped his career back on track. Now it looks like the poor fellow’s demons are making a reappearance, if not a full blown sequel. They’ve reappeared at the worst time too, just as his Green Hornet project was being hyped up. So it looks like he might be due for another long painful hiatus. At the very least he’s blown his shot at an official Oscar invite. He should still be eligible for some unofficial Oscar night activities though. I’m sure for instance that he could get into Charlie Sheen’s Oscar party!

Terminator: The film's sequel helped launch the young star's career

Child star fuck ups are becoming an epidemic in America. Then again outrageous child behaviour is becoming epidemic. The USA seems to be a culture that has list control of it’s youth, or at least that’s what the Simpsons would have us believe, back in that episode where the Commonwealth of Australia wanted to boot Bart in the bum (They’d never have gotten away with razzing the Aussies like that if they weren’t owned by the same fellow who has a controlling interest in Australia – FOX TV’s Rubert Morlock!). If some of the more outrageous reportage is to be beleived America youth a running whild in the streets as behaviour modifying medications fail to curb their antisocial tendencies, or improve their grades.

So what could be the answer? Well boot camps seem to have had some positive results – if reality Tv is to be believed. If that can help the larger issue of youthful high spiritedness, maybe it could do something for the specific problem of child stars run amok! Considering how the system has failed Lindsay Lohan (not to mention Mischa Barton) it might certainly be worth a try. It could also lead to a whole new series of Celeb Rehab type spin offs in which belligerent child actors are sent off to TV boot camps to have their spirits broken. We can’t be sure what such series might be like, but they would surely be watchable, and might even turn out something like this!

Perhaps the problem of out of control youth seems worse than it is. Nowadays we know everything, thanks to the Internet. So the minute some child star goes of the rails we get the gory details. Then we wax nostalgic for the good old days when Opie said the darnedest things but never got out of line. If you only knew half the shit Shirley Temple was into, it might put things in a whole new perspective! Then again you never hear about the child stars who keep their noses clean and stay on track – like this fellow:

American Gothic’s Lucas Black – Sorcerer’s Apprentice

Down in Trinity South Carolina Sheriff Buck (“That’s Buck with a ‘B’!“) raises kids right, even if that takes a dose of black magic! The complete American Gothic series is available over @!


Rehab Claims Another Child Star Butch Patrick? He was the adorably creepy wolf-boy Eddy Munster on the Munsters TV series (that was the Adams Family rip off, though in a more enjoyable series). Growing up the product of a mixed TV marriage couldn’t have been easy (mother was some kind of ghoul and father was a whatever/Frankenstein creature). Add to that the pressures of being a were-child actor and young Butch was on the road to trouble.

Trouble, for Butch, took the usual form: alcohol, marijuana, and cocaine. Butch has struggled with those chemical demons for years. Years have added up to about 4 decades and counting. Recently years of trouble came to a head. Butch was seeing a young woman, Donna McCall, that he’d met at a fan convention (you know a celebrity is in a serious career slump when they start seeing their stalker – unless they’re Orlando Bloom. Now I’m no referring to the clingy and heavily pregnant Miranda Kerr, though some have pointed out that she does have a creepy stalkerish quality when it comes to Orlando. What I’m referring to is an incident that occurred some years back, Orlando was being stalked by a desperate young woman. She had cornered him in his hotel room. At first Orlando was afraid to leave the room as he watched her watching him through the hotel room window. Then he thought to himself “She’s lonely out there, and I’m lonely in here. We have so much in common!” With that he invited her in and they spent the evening having a heart to heart chat. I guess after that Miranda seemed like an improvement. So it just goes to show that dreams can come true, sort of. Just don’t take a stun gun and duct tape along when you go after your favourite celebrity; cause they’re skittish and the Dexter kit might put them off!). They began seeing each other and there was even some talk of marriage.

Well these Comic-con relationships seldom work out. Butch and his girlfriend had a falling out, and that lead to a bust up, which eventually lead to poor Butch checking himself into rehab. I guess getting dumped by your stalker is a bit of a come down even when your already on the bottom. Butch’s representatives, and he still has them (getting repped is like baptism in show business – you can’t lose it no matter how far you stray from the path) have tried to put a good spin on it. get a grip on his addiction and educate himself. We have thought he could possibly be a product of the child star problem … and are thankful he will take control of his fate. an unnamed spokesperson said. Rehab, education, trying to become a productive member of society; it sounds pretty bad (as bad as your average parole board review!). Maybe worse than Lindsay Lohan. It’s even worse than it sounds – Butch’s rehab isn’t one of those 5 star jobs. The poor fellow is getting dried out in New Jersey! Hopefully this little cautionary tale will serve as food for thought to some of you fame seeking potential celebrities in waiting out there. Entertainment can get ugly when it goes wrong; and it almost never goes right.

I’d say that these child star fuck up stories are becoming more common except that there so common that they’ve become a sad cliche (ever since the late Dana Plato of Different Strokes held up that video store anyway). Now they’re occurring with disturbing regularity. Disney actresses Lindsay Lohan and Demi Lovato are currently simultaneously in rehab. Then again Disney was always the tool of evil. The thing is that gossip never stops. Fortunately (or not) for you, Wondertrash never sleeps!

  • Calendar

    • December 2020
      M T W T F S S
  • Search