The Talk about The Talk

Daytime Bitchfest – fussin’ fightin’, ‘n feudin’!

Leah Remini was best known as the bitchy wife on King of Queens, and for her active involvement with the Church of Scientology. These days she best known, like former MSNBC anchor Contessa Brewer, for getting fired. Leah was the co host of a the View type rip off called Talk. It featured some semi heavy hitters like Holly Robinson Peete, the chick who played Roseanne’s daughter, uber bitch Julie Chen, and Sharon Osbourne. With that much estrogen together in one place there’s bound to be explosions (it’s a very unstable substance that’s been known to become volatile in the presence of criticism or when mixed with alcohol).

So when hosts started getting fired people assumed that some vicious hen on hen pecking was going on behind the scenes. You know how the ladies can get when it come sot fightin’. Originally it was assumed that Julie Chen was behind the hatchet work. Her husband is some kind of high powered network executive(CBS President and Chief Executive Les Moonves – just be thankful she ain’t married to a John Gotti!). Julie like to remind people about that on the set, especially when they disagree with her or anything. So the working theory had been that Chen had gone off her head after going mad with power. She then decided that she wanted thewhole show for her self and started systematically getting ride of the other hosts the way a queen bee clears rivals out of a hive. Women can be a little like Highlander in the movie – “There can be only one!”

A new spin has been put on that theory from an odd direction. Ever since Howard Stern (his name spells ‘Wondertrash‘!) moved on to Sirius people assumed that he would get lost int he satellite radio wilderness like Dr. Laura Schlesinger. Dr Laura used to have an entertaining and provocative phone in radio show until she came over all Tourette’s Syndrome on the air and said some things that ought not be said. At first she claimed that she’d done nothing wrong – “you hear that kind of language all the time on cable TV!” She also claimed that she’d stick to her guns. BY the end of the week she claimed that she immediately knew she’d been wrong the moment the offensive words left her sharp little lips. Though she was in full apology mode by that time it didn’t help. She stepped down from her popular radio stop and over to Sirius – without taking many Twitter followers with her. She had about 6000 last time I checked. Upshot is Sirius is where you go when you go away – it’s like heaven for shock jocks. So it could be Rush Limbaugh’s next stop on the slut walk of shame.

So imagine the surprise of not only hearing from Howard again, but hearing that well known people do his show and talk about shit! In this case the well knowner was Sharon Osbourne. Back in December Osbourne did Stern’s show and the subject of the firing came up. Mizzy Ozzy could’ve taken the diplomatic route and claimed she missed Remini, wished her well in her future projects, or some other such shit. She might have even blamed the economy and called cut backs. Instead she said “Some people don’t really know who they are. You have to know who you are when you’re in something like this. You can’t pretend to be something you’re not.

Shar -O really shouldn’t have said that cause it lead to the last thing we need – another celebrity on Twitter. When Remini caught wind of this (Osbourne probably figured she was safe cause it was Sirius but surprises! – people not only do Stern’s show, they listen to it too!) she went on a Twit fit! Remini tweeted recently on the whole brouhaha – “Sharon thought me and Holly were ‘ghetto'” she tweeted. “We were not funny, awkward and didn’t know ourselves. She has the power that was given to her.” Now when one celeb starts tweetin’ another is sure to responding, like annoying noisy little birds. So Shar-O had to get her comeback in. Ms Ozzy tweeted – “In response to Leah Remini’s continuous comments that I had her fired from “The Talk,” let me just go on the record to say I had absolutely nothing to do with her departure from the show and have no idea why she continues to take to Twitter to spread this false gossip.” Now you know that wasn’t gonna be the last word. Remini responded – “I will not respond to Sharon BUT only to say this, IF she wanted to clear it up she has my number & has had ALL this time and didnt use it.not even to say she was sorry. so to Sharon I say… Well done Sharon, you won. I will move on now as you suggested. And so should u. Be at Peace.

I wonder if she means the “be at peace” crack? You can’t fault Leah for being touchy. Apart from the woman’s pride issue there’s the fact that it’s good to have a job in this economy. The Talk has been picked up for a 3 rd season. It also snags more than 2 million dollars. It’s a nice gig to have. Without it Remini might have to fall back on TV pilots & mid season replacements – or fighting Contessa Brewer for part time air time (she’s helping out at he local New York NBC affiliate). Naturally the little spat has taken an ugly turn. If any of the ladies are on hormone replacement therapy or this could get hard core! We can only hope that the potential nastiness & cattiness doesn’t deter any impressionable young men from doing their duty and knocking up the women their gonna have to support until well after their productive years are long gone! It would be a shame for romantic illusions to die in a daytime chat show setting, instead of on Reality TV!

BTW Wondertrash is now on Tumblr – so check out out for frequent updates!

Former MSNBC anchor going over to the dark side

PS: Contessa Brewer fans shouldn’t be discouraged cause CB ain’t Though she got canned off of her MSNBC anchor spot sometime back in August, the lovely lady does have a come back plan in the works. Based on the principle that broadcast news has descended to the level of pro wrestling Contessa plans to have a ‘political conversion’ and market herself to FOX News as a ‘reformed liberal‘.

If they think she’s some kind of door mat like Keith Olbermann then they’ve got something else coming!

She thinks that it will be an irresistible angle and allow her to deliver such lines during interviews as “don’t give my that liberal editorial line crap cause I worked at MSNBC and I know how that works!” Plus she’s hoping to get signed up for some FOX sponsored neurolinguistic programming course of the kind that have made FOX commentators such verbal terrorists! Wish her luck folks!

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Lisa and her lips

Now from big talk about loose lips to loose talk about big lips Lisa Rinna is pretty well known. Some credit belongs to her costars – those outsized lips that have become her trade mark. Lisa had them packed full of silicone back in 1986, a good 10 years before chicks started routinely getting their smackers blown up with collagen. The surgery served her well for years as she became more and more famous; and her lips became her trade mark.

Me and my big mouth

Lisa was to find out that there can be too much of a good thing. In the case of her lips it was nearly impossible for her to deny having surgery, since human lips generally only get that big if your a carrier of the Voight – Bertrand gene. Her lips were now so big that they virtually spoke for themselves without saying a word! So she had to live down everyone knowing about her big fake lips. Also since they were packed with silicone, certain medical concerns came up over time.

plastic angels

The major difference between silicone and collagen is that silicone is permanent, whereas collagen is temporary, and eventually gets reabsorbed by the body. So with collagen you have to make repeated trips to the doctor to get your lips topped up or they start deflating like party balloons or inflatable couch cushions. If you want to avoid those down in the mouth periods then you can go for silicone. Trouble with silicone is that it can react with the body over time, just like those breast implant horror stories everyone’s heard about for 15 years now.

saving face & down in the mouth – there’s no people like show people

Medical issues are exactly what Rinna faced during her “Harry Loves Lisa” reality TV series.Since Lisa’s lips had been a topic of conversation for some time it might be a smart idea to confront the subject in her show. She’d been coy about answering lip related questions before, so maybe now would be a good time to focus some of that curiosity into her new show. Lisa did a quick fess up on some of the more popular morning chat type shows, and then booked a doctor’s appointment. It was a near perfect scheme since it gave Lisa a semblance of creditability by admitting to something that everyone already knows, it attracts some attention to her show, plus she gets that lip problem fixed. It would have been a no lose scenario except for the undoing of so many near perfect schemes – the unforeseen.

watch your mouth

When Lisa visited her doctor for the delipping consultation she ran into the unforeseen. The doctor told her that her lips were in worse shape than she thought. For one thing the silicone had hardened, just like in breast implants. So getting all of the stuff out could be problematic. Since the show must go on, Lisa went ahead with the lip reduction and hoped for an uneventful recovery. Her recuperation period has not only been eventful, it’s born out some of her doctor’s concerns.

tissue issues

For one thing her lip reduction wasn’t straight forward. 20 years of carrying that around in her mouth left her with some tissue damage. Now her lips aren’t healing as fast as she expected. In fact her surgeon has told her that it could take as much as 6 months to recover. He told her more to, like be careful when you smile cause your lips might burst. So the upshot is that after 25 years in the business Lisa’s lips are getting a well earned vacation, pending possible retirement!

if the wind changes you’ll stay that way

Now lip might sound a bit far fetched but lip explosions really can happen. Stephanie Seymour’s lips are rumoured to have burst during a transatlantic flight. Her mouth was packed with enough gel to get her on a no fly list under today’s restrictions. When the jet hit high altitude and the cabin pressure dropped the pressure got too much and one of her lips ruptured.

Lisa lips – the scariest thing in her life!

So Lisa is taking no chances. She says that she’s taking it easy on her lips until she gets the green light from her doctor. Until then there’s no smiling, no laughing, and she’s avoiding talking as much as possible. Just to be on the safe side. In fact both Lisa and her husband Harry Hamlin are quit concerned about it. Says Lisa “This is turning into the scariest hing in my life. I just hope it doesn’t look deformed.” A friend goes on to comment that concerns over her lips are driving her crazy. So that’s proof for all of you who think that celebs are vain, insensitive, and shallow folk with egos instead of human feelings. It may have taken awhile but Lisa’s lips are having the same effect on her now that they have on many others for years!

One thing remains the same; whether she’s getting them pumped up or deflated, her lips continue to be a big deal. In fact they’re still one of Lisa’s most talked about characteristics! You could say that Lisa’s relationship with her lips is a little like the case of the tail wagging the dog except it might be even more like those old horror films about the ventriloquist who gets taken over by his dummy! Now – like Pamela Anderson and her breast – it’s tough to tell who’s really running the show and who’s just along for the ride. Congratulations to Rinna for finally putting her mouth in it’s place before it ate her career & life. Hope everything works out for an otherwise good natured lady! Besides, maybe Bill Clinton will finally stop stalking her now.

best face forward – just don’t get off on the wrong foot

You can’t blame Lisa. Woman are judged more on appearance than on performance. The result is that even very accomplished women can fall into the insecurity trap of image tweaking. By taking matters into her own hands perhaps Rinna can send out the right message. Just in time too, before Contessa Brewer’s new lips became permanent!

Contessa Brewer looks swell, and maybe swollen!

contessa brewer big lips
PS. Lisa, if you’re reading vitamin E oil – like you get by breaking the capsules, greatly speeds the healing process. As usual check with your physician before trying. As for Contessa, try putting an ice pack on that till the swelling goes down!


Erin Barry is spicy, Google search spicy!

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are in the middle of an on again off again divorce. That’s a kind of sarcastic way of putting it so let’s just say that they’ve had an eventful week. At the week’s start there was a rumour going around that the power couple were decoupling in the form of a high powered celebrity divorce. After that tidbit had been circulating through the grape vine for 24 hours or do Eva people released an official statement that the rumours were bullshit. She and Tony were happier than ever and nobody had no plans about going no where. That brings us up to mid week. Now, with the week running out, it seems like there’s some confirmation on the Longoria-Parker bust up rumours.

The confirmation comes in the form of a young woman named Erin Barry. She’s the wife of a former Spurs teammate of Parker’s – Brent Barry. Apart from a Spurs connection the pair have something else in common too – text messages. There are 100’s of ’em if the scuttlebutt is to be believed. They came to light in the worst possible Tiger Woods type way too. Eva found ’em. With that Eva went out and filed for divorce. Eva has denied filing for divorce, but such reliable sources as Sports Illustrated are going with the story – unofficially anyway!

Sports Illustrated Bryan Armen Graham tweeted, Have it on good authority from entertainment sources that “former teammate” in Tony Parker-Eva Longoria affair is Brent Barry… Don’t have much else on Parker/Longoria affair. Source did mention Barry and wife are going through a divorce. Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush revealed to his Twitter followers, “We spoke to Erin Barry…Brent Barry’s wife from San Antonio Spurs…she cried and said “No comment”.

This was a particularly stupid thing for Parker to do. For one thing he and Longoria married without benefit of a pre nup. Thatw as a major bone of contention between Eva and her future former mother in law back when she and the Spurs point guard got hitched in Paris a few years back. Tony’s mom thought that a prenup was a must have form of marriage insurance. Her rational: Tony made way more money than Eva. Plus he had better long term prospects. Eva was a TV actress who’s career was uncertain from one TV season to the next, whereas Tony was a world class athlete who could look forward to maybe 10 years in the game. That gave him a earning potential of several dozen times Eva’s.

Eva had a counter argument – they were gonna last forever. For one thing she’s Eva Longoria. So no man could ever possibly leave her. Besides this was her very special day and she didn’t want Tony’s mom fucking up the festivities with her divorce talk. That’s such a downer. So Eva laid down the law in the form of an ultimatum – “You can come to the wedding, but you gotta cut out the prenup talk!” Tony’s mom tried another appeal to reason. Guess who won out?

So that has left our lovebirds working without an net. That’s fine and well, as long as you don’t trip up. With Eva’s career in a terminal down turn, this could be a great time for her to cash in on this divorce thing. You can’t say that the cunning little minx doesn’t know what she’s doing. As for Tony – you should’a listened to your mom! Still it could be worse. Gloria Allred could be horning her way into the act!

Read more: Erin Barry, the lady behind divorce of Eva Longoria and Tony Parker |

what’s on in the box?

This has got to be kind of embarrassing. Especially when you’re Eva Longoria and have a certain reputation for sexiness to live up to. It might help to put things into some kind of perspective – like such as it could have been worse. “How could it have been any worse than it is?” you might well ask. I might well ask that myself and I’m an entertainment blogger! Just look at it his way – at least you’re not Contessa Brewer!

“I’m a valedictorian – get me out of here!”

Slimey Hidey Hole

What the hell is going on there?” you might well ask. It would be another excellent question. What’s going on there is Contessa’s coverage of the fall of Saddam Hussein. During the fun and frivolity of Bagdad’s fall Saddam’s hidey hole got discovered by some intrepid journalists. So what with things being as they were some one got the bright idea of getting Brewer to give ti a try. Getting locked in a box rife with a madman’s funky scent just had to be the reason she became a journo in the 1st place (that would explain her time with Don Imus). I can just imagine some mischievous crew man saying out of microphone range “Hey Contessa, he must’ve whacked off plenty while he was in there!” Not like there was much else to do.

let me slip into something uncomfortable

Now the rationale behind that little stunt is obvious. Contessa is one hot babe with a reputation for heart stopping sexiness second only to Eva Longoria’s. So some one probably got the bright idea that the whole story would be far more titillating if Contessa slipped into something more red, and then climbed into the stink box, damsel in distress style. To give Brewer credit she does seem unenthusiastic about the whole deal.

I can only give Ms Brewer the very same advice and consolation that I would to Eva herself – half assed platitudes! It could be worse. Besides Lynda Carter did that stuff all the time back on Wonder Woman. Of course when she got locked in boxes she was usually also bound and gagged. Kudos to Brewer for refusing to take it that far! Then again she was already in Al Capone’s vault territory – so the stunt couldn’t stand going any farther!

So that about clues everything up except for the outstanding question”What possessed Tony Parker to cheat?” He’s got a hot wife and no prenup so if he found himself tempted the right answer should have been obvious – practice gun retention. “Brother get the rocket back in your pocket!” As usual cartoons have a certain insight to share on the human condition, and in this case Tony’s motivation may have been something like this:

So remember to keep on trucking but give the old giggity giggity a rest long enough to come up for air, and to check in on Wondertrash!

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