Oksana Grigorieva makes nice


Oksana Grigorieva was a troublesome woman who caused all sorts of unnecessary anguish. Then she met Mel Gibson! Not that her life began with Gibson. She’d been around, and for a while. She’d been some sort of musician, though people who know her laugh at the claim to anything serious. She’d gotten knocked up by Timothy “The Spy Who Shagged Me” Dalton. She had a kid by him, named Alexander, and that kept her in walking around money for a few years. It didn’t do much for Dalton since his career went into a death spiral after getting his dose of Grigorieva. There are somethings that even James Bond can’t survive. Still it might be unfair to give Oksie too mucgh credit. Dalton’s career was also undermined by his habit of walking around hot Hollywood eateries with his fly down and no underwear on!

she’s silly putty purty!

Anyhow Momma’s Little Dividend kept Oksie livin’ the lifestyles of the rich and famous Hollywood style for a few years. That was convenient since she wasn’t getting any younger and had to pay for the up keep on her face, which was how she made her living. So that left her living it up, getting silly putty injected into her head, and sizing up her next victim! For awhile that looked like record producer David Foster. She was staying in his guest house and putting a lot of pressure on the poor man’s marriage when some one better came along in the form of Mel Gibson. So she latched onto him, but not before trashing Foster’s marriage.

the poor man’s rich girl, or vice versa

Part of what ruined Foster’s marriage was that Oksany was knocked up in the family way with a child that might or might not have been Super Dave’s. That takes infidelity beyond the level of keeping some stray Russian tramp in the pool house (which would be much more fun if the Russian in question was Milla Jovovich, and not some down market blow jobber who looks like she pay off her lips on the installment plan). Mrs Foster need not have jumped the gun since Oksany was busy reconsidered her child’s paternity! She decided that the father might actually be Mel, and not the guy she’d been slutting it up win the pool house with for awhile. That might sound revisionist, but Oksany is a big believer in convenience – her own if not any one else’s.

from Russia with love & C.O.D.!

So that lead to the explosion of Mel’s marriage. Illegitimate kids by Russian sluts will do that. Mel insisted that he left his wife because they lacked common spiritual ground – and finding common ground with Mello these days might require a tinfoil hat – but since she was the one who filed you can use your imaginations. That left poor Mel showing off his new *ahem* prize in public, and in a serious of embarrassing music videos. Maybe they were mucus videos – who knows.

love or a cold war

The relationship seemed happy, if embarrassing, for awhile. Yet the course of true love never runs smooth. That’s to say nothing about whatever Mel and Oksany shared. So soon enough things took one of those strange turns that characterize Mel’s life lately. Some how the love birds turned on each other. Mel made a lot of bad remarks about Oksany publicly – like she was a drunken smutty pig. Or he would have if he hadn’t thought that might be an insult to drunken smutty pigs.

love is never having to speak up for the tape recorder

He said a lot of other stuff too, and didn’t mind who felt insulted by that. We know because Oksany had taken to taping their heated phone conversations. Perhaps it was out of sentiment, and a desire to preserve the memory of what they had after Braveheart had moved on. You know how soft heart money grubbing whores can be. She wasn’t shy about sharing Mel’s special feelings with the world either – & the tapes found their way onto TMZ, or Radaronline, on one of these trash sites (heh heh). When you a woman who’s well and truly loved then you just want the whole world to know about it and envy you, so who can blame her!

hand puppet theater – sock it to me!

Now that didn’t do Mel’s career any good, not that there was anything left of it to worry about; beside that sock puppet film he had cooked up with Jodie Foster (who may or may not be related to David Foster, depending on how paranoid you are about nepotism in Hollywood). Since Mel was kind of hanging on by a shred of a thread he kind of took it personally. So the gloves were off and the lawyers were in on the act. Tempers boiled and rhetoric became inflammatory, while onlookers feared that the situation might go OJ if participants didn’t watch their step, or if Mello got too liquored up and had a bad day. He did make those rose garden comments!

things come fool circle

Just when it seemed that the shit would hit the fan things calmed down. Part of this was because Oksany had to take it instead of just dishing it. Mel got some friends in the Malibu Police Dept – he’s still got a few – to look into extortion charges and possible deportation. Exile from the land of opportunity seemed to put the fear of God into her godless commie soul. Plus she’d become part of the story and the paparazzi were hounding her in public. She was easier to get to than Mel, but her shit backfiring on her wasn’t anything she’d planned on, and seemed to take some of the fun out of it for her. Meanwhile Mel had gone back to his wife Robin, and that seemed to be a stabilizing influence on him. So the only thing left was for the dust to settle.

The Tabloid Narc

That seemed to have happened. Some time last week the Enquirer, unless it was the Examiner, The Globe, or some other shit mag, reported that Mel and Oksany had been spotted out in public together walking calmly and talking softly without any broken teeth or enraged screaming. Perhaps the absence of a tape recorder helped to keep thing on the level. Anyway the tabloid narc, who knew Mel in some capacity, said that he looked at him with a ‘what the fuck’ expression on his face. Mel just nodded and looked back, unless he looked back first and then nodded. There may or may not have been a wink involved.

Mel less psychotic than usual

So while anyone who was still interested was busy asking “what the fuck is going on with Gibson” it comes out that Oksany has just dropped her domestic assault charges. Those charges stemmed from the tape recording period. Oksany claimed that an enraged and psychotic Mel had fucked up her face while out of his mind. She mentioned that again and again during the recordings. Most figured that it was a life time of bad plastic surgery that left her worse for wear, but that was a matter for the courts to decide.Or it was before Oksany dropped the charges.

hit me baby one more time

Now Oksany had been all worked up what with being abused and all. Apparently getting smacked in the gov, allegedly, by Gibson was some great matter of principle that everyone was required to support her on by backing her to the hilt like she was Rihanna or something. Once she actually sat down and thought about it, though, she seemed to feel more like Tila Tequila, as in “Let’s put the whole Merriman mess behind us so I can get on with my career“. Oksany doesn’t pout it so cynically. She spins it a little more sympathetically, which is what you do if you want people to support you, or at least not try and take your head off for continuing to waste their time.

round 2?

Oksany version, which she gave to E via her lawyer through a “source” claims that Mrs. G dropped her case because she wanted to be free to contact Gibson in relation to their daughter Lucia. So she’s basically putting the well being of her daughter first, and wasn’t using the charges as leverage in a low down and dirty custody battle. That means the man that she swore on a stack was a danger to life and limb is now free to once again be an active participant in the life of both her and her daughter. So this is the part where something in her story just doesn’t add up, like “were you shitting us then, or are you shitting us now?” Maybe she was shitting us all along. Maybe, like Jodie Foster and the movie going public, she’s decided that Mel ain’t so bad, only a bit misunderstood stood. It’s a lady’s prerogative to change her mind, but honesty ain’t required.

Wonder Woman sez – “Don’t be a victim!”

Lunapic Photo Editing


Brat Pack

gotten rotten

If you read the last Wondertrash post you might have gotten the feeling that I’m just not trying anymore. Maybe the word ‘apathetic’ in the title was a give away. Trying leads to so much mischief in life – if our celebrities are any indication – that sometimes not trying is worth a try. The less effort the less trouble gets made. However if everyone thought like that then the history books would be empty, and school boys would have nothing to trouble them. We can’t all be buddhas, right away anyway. So in the spirit of wholesome mischief, here’s some fresh shit.

Justin TV

It seems that no one is bigger these days then Justin Bieber; not since Charlie Sheen went back on his meds and recovered from that case of Sheenius. It seems that when ever this kid breaks wind it becomes an over publicized non event of the kind that might get 24 hour on going “developing story” type coverage on CNN. So if you so sick of this kid that you want to punch out random mop topped teen on the street, then skip over this part. It’s gonna send you over.

breaking Bieber

The latest out break of Bieber fever has the Beeb on CSI. He was already killed off on Law & Order, but like Jesus the death didn’t take and so he back to haunt us. As said his latest appearance was on CSI, though it might have been easier to take if he’d appeared in a grilled cheese sandwich or bowling alley lane – Jesus style. Anyway Justy keeps his cheesy mainstream so he got on CSI where he met Marge Helgenberger.

Justy & Busty

Now this musty been a big deal in the life of a growing boy. Margy, you’ll recall, is the gal who acts in CSI and whose boobs are prominently feature, often hoist up into a firing position. So Justy must’ve been keen to make a real good impression on her. Maybe that’s why Margy says that he seemed like a real nice guy when she met him. Her exact words, as quoted by Radaronline, were “He was nice to me.” See, I said he was nice!

Everyone can’t have big boobs, so Justy can’t be nice to everyone

Thing was that it didn’t stop there. Seems that Justy wasn’t quite so nice with his other, non mammary endowed castmates. In fact Boobs, I mean Margy, goes on to say that, and once again I quote by way of Radaronline, that “I shouldn’t be saying this but he was kind of a brat.” Actually that part got said on a French radio interview, but Radaronline got wind of it and repeated it! Busty goes on to say that “He was nice to me but he locked one of the producers in a closet and he put his fist through a cake that was one the cast’s table!

the moral of the story

So what can we draw from this? Well for one thing Justy is a real swell guy, if you happen to be a hot chick with great big boobs that stick up at a 45 degree angle. Other wise watch you’re step, cause he can be a rotten little jerk. Also we’ve learned that you have to watch what you say, cause what you say can get around. Even if it’s said over seas and in a foreign language. If it’s about Bieber then the world is gonna know about it and more sooner than later. That probably has something to do with the Internet! Finally we’ve learned that the mass media hasn’t gotten tired of talking about Bieber yet, not matter how sick of him everyone else is. That probably has something to do with his appeal to teenage girls and middle aged “Herbert the Pervert” types. So we’re probably gonna keep hearing too much about him in the future, even if you dearly wish that he and Miley Ray Cyrus would run away together and never be seen or heard from again.

Now something in the spirit of big boobs sticking up on a 45 degree angle!

dirty ditties – every doggerel has it’s day

Some people wonder what’s gotten into celebrities today. I think that it’s the age we live in. The whole sad sorry mess can probably summed up in the following little ditty!

So you real can’t blame the Biebs for being as rotten little jerk when thing are rotten, like the song says! Even a Robin Hood might fall victim to his own vanity.

So when other legends are forgotten, just remember back when things were rotten. It’s a Wondertrash thing!


Andy still a dick

Even Gloria Allred wouldn’t touch this!

I’d say that Andy Dick is still fighting his demons except that these days his demons are probably ashamed to be seen with him. That doesn’t mean that Andy is ashamed to show his face out in public, and his his usual condition too; drunk and disorderly! Seems that Andy was out and about down in Temecula, CA. That’s ’cause fashionable LA establishments won’t let him on their premises. Anyway Andy was enjoying himself in a local restaurant when he got a little too high spirited. That’s a polite euphemism for got drunk out of his mind and made a fool of himself.

everyday is a reality TV episode

Now there’s no word yet on what sort of tomfoolery Andy was involved in (I’m assuming that it was more than a nipple slip), but it did result in the usual visit from the cops. Andy got charged with a misdemeanor charge of disorderly conduct with alcohol. Then he was escorted off the premises and to the nearest drunk tank. It must be reassuring to know that there are some establishments that still welcome him; even if it’s only into the Lindsay Lohan suite. Anyway Andy got some time to sober up and enjoy some complimentary jail house hamburgers before paying his $500 fine and being released. So he is once again free to pursue his new career as a public nuisance! Oh yeah, and he also got this nifty mugshot as a little memento!


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Zsa Zsa Gabor wants to move up in class

For those unfamiliar with Zsa Zsa Gabor – except as a comedic characterture of an aging Hollywood actress, she was the Kim Kardashian of her day (She and her two sisters originated the Kardashian act). That means she was a characterture of a Hollywood sex symbol. That’s kind of like being a female impersonator except you’re a woman – anyone remember Victor/Victoria? To that end Zsa Zsa made a bunch of B movies that no one remembers, married and divorced alot of husbands – she was kind of in the alimony business, and guest starred on The Beverly Hillbillies a few times. So you can say that she’s a sort of pop cultural icon. Like Susan Somer’s Thigh Master commercials! About the only thing she didn’t get around to was getting shot in the gob by Phil Spector!

Bed room farce antics aside, Zsa Zsa did live a rich and interesting life. She married Anna Nicole Smith’s lover, and almost became Smith’s adoptive mother. That was when Anna Nic tried to convince her lover, who is Zsa Zsa’s husband – Prince von Arnolt, to legally adopt her. That way she could officially become a princess! Sounds flaky buts that how Arnolt inherited his princely title, and probably how the woman he screwed out of the title got it herself!

Even though this is a very European arrangement – in this case “European” differentiates from American in that there is no pretense to any kind of morality or decorum. It’s a “we’re consenting adults and know how the world works *wink wink*” deal – Zsa Zsa wasn’t having any part of it. So she out the kibosh on the deal and Anna Nicole had to settle for a Texas oil billionaire, whom she quickly married and promptly buried.

Did I say bed room farce antics aside? Zsa Zsa did do something genuinely interesting. She slapped a LA traffic cop. The guy pulled Gabor over after he saw her car slowly serving all over the road. Seeing an elderly actress behind the wheel he must’ve assumed that she was having a botox induced stroke, or perhaps was buzzed out on a cocktail of powerful sedatives legally obtained from her many physicians. So he asked her if she needed assistance.

Zsa Zsa, who was allegedly drunk at the time, staggered forth from the vehicle and informed the good officer in a heavily slurred accent that she was a famous actress who’s husband is a Prince, and that she has many powerful friends who could break the fellow like a match stick, so ‘jump back Jack‘ Then she landed him a smack across the chops to make sure he got the point. When I say smack I mean that she hit him, not kissed him. A kiss from that grizzled old beak would’ve been so traumatic that the fellow would’ve had grounds for a law suit.

Now when your main claims to fame are based on a clownish B movie image and a bunch of ridiculous incidents, then you might have a real burning need to be taken more seriously. God knows Zsa Zsa will never be Helen Mirren, not now at her age; but I’m sure that she hasn’t given up hope – God bless her soul. After all Helen Mirren wasn’t really Helen Mirren until she got up in years. In her prime she did the roles Joan Collins turned down – & Joansie didn’t turn down much of anything! The point is that a little respect would be nice, even if completely undeserved.

The recent passing of Jayne Russell and Elizabeth Taylor seem to have brought this point home to ailing Zsa Zsa. It seems that she’s got it in her mind that celebs always go in 3’s (they do: one dies naturally and the other 2 follow along for the attention!). Further more she’s convinced that if she can make number three, then that will prove to the world that she just wasn’t come over stuffed clown with an accent, but an actress of the highest caliber! With that in mind she has insisted on being rushed to the hospital!

Now the official story is that Zsa Zsa was at home fidgeting restlessly in front of the TV when she got the sad news about Taylor. Then, according to her publicist – who may have been standing near by with pen and pad in hand to record Gabor’s words for posterity – Zsa yelps out “Oh, Jane Russell and Liz Taylor — I’m next.” The publicist – John Blanchette doesn’t go on to say whether or not anyone burst out in laughter.

Zsa Zsa took the whole deal very seriously though. She insisted on having her blood pressure taken. According to Blanchette it was “soaring“. Not that you can make anything out of that since Gabor is high pressure at the best of times. Anyway it was enough to get her carted off to the hospital and put on unofficial death watch. As for the prognosis, Blanchette goes on to say that Gabor is a fighter, as one LAPD officer can attest to. Now I’m not sure how to take that remark. With Gabor that just might mean this is one casting call she’s determined to make, even though it’s only for the final curtain. That’s fame for you – eventually it’s being the stiff at your own funeral, and looking as life like as you ever did! Good luck Zsa Zsa!

By the way Zsa Zsa isn’t the only one trying to horn in on the action. Westboro Baptist Church has announced plans to protest at Taylor’s funeral. They take issue with Taylor’s long time AIDS activism, which they call “enabling gays“. So that makes them almost as flaky as Victoria Jackson! Plus they’re looking to score some major publicity! No official word on the rumors that they’re currently shopping around a reality TV premise based on their colorful “ministry“.


Celebrity Outrage Mania!

Wonky Willie – more nuts than chocolate!

Usually Awards season marks a lull in celebrity shenanigans. Everyone is on their best behavior because no one wants to fuck up and forfeit their invitation to the prom. Getting jammed up prior to the Oscars and losing your Golden Ticket could mean instant demotion to the D List (Just like Chris Brown about this time last year. If you’re you’re gonna mess up at least wait until after the ceremonies, like Sandra Bullock ex Jesse James. Last year’s Oscars are gonna be a tough act to follow!). So everyone tries to put their best foot forward at all times. That means sucking it in until the season passes so they can get back to their normal bad behavior. Usually that is, but this season seems to be a bit of an exception.

Hornet’s Nest

https://i2.wp.com/i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/01/11/article-1346263-0CB9A9A2000005DC-204_233x423.jpgMaybe it was Tom Cruise’s controversial announcement that the Oscars don’t really matter that shook everyone loose but we’re getting some alearming reports of celebrity outrage mania coming out of the thirty mile zone. Reports like those concerning Edward Furlong. You might remember him from Terminator 2. People predicted a great future for him but then he got mixed up in drugs of the crystal meth variety, Now that stuff not only messes up you face real bad but can make your career and life unmanageable. So Furlong had a sort of hiatus for awhile. in this case hiatus means he became as unemployable as Lindsay Lohan (a sure Oscar night absentee, even if she ain’t in rehab or wearing a scram bracelet on the night).

That hiatus recently ended when Furlong was cast in The Green Hornet. Hornet is an anticipated film so it’s good work for a promising actor trying to get back on track. Unfortunately some old baggage came back to haunt him. Furlong has had a tempestuous relationship with his ex wife Rachel Kneeland. By tempestuous I mean that the police often have to mediate between the pair. mediation has lead to a restraining order. In fact the terms of the order require Furlong to stay at least 100 yards away from Kneeland at all times. To put that in perspective they could attend the same football game but only of they’re seated in opposite end zones.

Furlong decided to do an end run around the restraining order recently, at least according to the ex. While he’d didn’t go for a touch down, he did get within the 50 yard line. So that was a technical foul and lead to the troubled young actor getting carted off by the cops and then locked up on 75 000 bail! That’s a lot of money for some one who’s last major role was as robot Schwarzenegger’s teen aged side kick, and who spend the time since then burning up his earnings through little glass pipes! It couldn’t have happened at a worse time either – the arrest happened with in 24 hours of Furlong attending a special Green Hornet premier. The actual violation occurred about a month back so that makes the timing sound like a case of revenge being served cold, or at least chilled.Oh the humiliation!

If there’s a bit of spite involved it shouldn’t be too surprising. Furlong and Kneeland, who also goes under the name Rachel Bella, had a real bad bust up. During the divorce Kneeland claimed that Furlong had started to lose his grip on reality after his drug use escalated out of proportion. She claimed that he beat her up, threatened her life frequently, and also became psychotic and suicidal. Oh yeah and she had him committed to a psych ward at one point. Plus a lot of creepy phone message by Furlong for Kneeland have got released along the way. They concern Furlong’s son Ethan by Kneeland and swear bloody reprisals against Kneeland’s current boyfriends should they get anywhere near the lad. Bloody reprisals in this case mean an enraged and drugged up Furlong threatening to tear things out and open things up in the grievous bodily harm vein!

Now Furlong’s reps were claiming that he’d been clean and sober of 5 years. those kind of assurances no doubt helped his career back on track. Now it looks like the poor fellow’s demons are making a reappearance, if not a full blown sequel. They’ve reappeared at the worst time too, just as his Green Hornet project was being hyped up. So it looks like he might be due for another long painful hiatus. At the very least he’s blown his shot at an official Oscar invite. He should still be eligible for some unofficial Oscar night activities though. I’m sure for instance that he could get into Charlie Sheen’s Oscar party!

Terminator: The film's sequel helped launch the young star's career

Child star fuck ups are becoming an epidemic in America. Then again outrageous child behaviour is becoming epidemic. The USA seems to be a culture that has list control of it’s youth, or at least that’s what the Simpsons would have us believe, back in that episode where the Commonwealth of Australia wanted to boot Bart in the bum (They’d never have gotten away with razzing the Aussies like that if they weren’t owned by the same fellow who has a controlling interest in Australia – FOX TV’s Rubert Morlock!). If some of the more outrageous reportage is to be beleived America youth a running whild in the streets as behaviour modifying medications fail to curb their antisocial tendencies, or improve their grades.

So what could be the answer? Well boot camps seem to have had some positive results – if reality Tv is to be believed. If that can help the larger issue of youthful high spiritedness, maybe it could do something for the specific problem of child stars run amok! Considering how the system has failed Lindsay Lohan (not to mention Mischa Barton) it might certainly be worth a try. It could also lead to a whole new series of Celeb Rehab type spin offs in which belligerent child actors are sent off to TV boot camps to have their spirits broken. We can’t be sure what such series might be like, but they would surely be watchable, and might even turn out something like this!

Perhaps the problem of out of control youth seems worse than it is. Nowadays we know everything, thanks to the Internet. So the minute some child star goes of the rails we get the gory details. Then we wax nostalgic for the good old days when Opie said the darnedest things but never got out of line. If you only knew half the shit Shirley Temple was into, it might put things in a whole new perspective! Then again you never hear about the child stars who keep their noses clean and stay on track – like this fellow:

American Gothic’s Lucas Black – Sorcerer’s Apprentice


Down in Trinity South Carolina Sheriff Buck (“That’s Buck with a ‘B’!“) raises kids right, even if that takes a dose of black magic! The complete American Gothic series is available over @ Fancast.com!


David Cassidy DUI

marshmallow stars

David Cassidy Mug Shot

Celebrities can have fits of bad judgment. This is especially true if the poor wretches are former child stars. Among child stars names like Danny Bonaduce usually get the bad ink. Danny’s Partridge Family co stars have have kept their noses clean – with the exception of Susan Dey and her battle with anorexia. That is until now. Reports are coming in that another member of the musical TV clan has gotten into some legal trouble and this time it’s – wait for it – David Cassidy.

Cassidy played the oldest son and lead singer on the early 70’s hit show. He was also one of the original TV teen heart throbs, along with Ricky Nelson and Bobby Goldsboro. He was fairly well connected too. Shirley Jones who played his mom on the show was also his step mother in real life. She was married to Dave’s dad – star of stage screen and TV Jack Cassidy. His mother is Evelyn Ward. Since both parents were performers they toured constantly. So Dave was raised by his grandmother in New Jersey. His relationship to his parents can’t be called close – they were divorced for 2 years before David found out!

Life was to improve when David entered the family business. As Keith Partridge he became one of the most popular TV performers in the 1970’s. That’s the show that also gave us Danny B and Susan Dey. After the show went off of the air Cassidy’s career moved into low gear. He did some live Vegas style performances. He also briefly volunteered to be former co star Danny Bonaduce’s sobriety coach. Neither of these projects blossomed into long term career options.

David got by. He continued to perform. He wrote an autobiography. He married a slew of attractive woman and fathered several children. He continued to speak fondly of co star Susan Dey, whom he said had a massive crush on him but wasn’t slutty enough for his tastes. Not surprisingly communications between the former co stars broke down – “on her end not mine” Cassidy reports. Oh yeah, and he also recently got busted for DUI!

David was careening around the Florida turnpike in his White Mercedes Wednesday even – and by careening I meant hat he was all over the road – when some friendly officers pulled him over and inquired into his condition. Since Dave had a little trouble standing up without swaying from side to side, the officers administered field sobriety tests. That lead to Keith Partridge being hauled off to the can! It also lead to the latest celebrity mug shot!

Dave registered a 1.41 on the breathalyzer (having once blown a 1.55 I can tell you that’s a lot of drinking! Now that’s a story, but since I’m not a celebrity it gets to stay secret.). DAve copped to a drink at diner, plus he said he popped a hydrocodone – which might have made him seem moer drunk than he was. The officers found a half empty bottle of Labrot Graham Woodford Reserve Kentucky Bourbon in the back seat, and that made them suspect that Cassidy was way more drunk than he was willing to let on. So that meant that Dave had to spend some time on their company. Up until 3 AM when he was released on $350 bail, that is.

Not surprisingly Dave takes issue with the official story. Well his PR rep Jo-Ann Geffen is. According to her his side is that Dave was not drunk. For one thing Dave, via his mouthpiece, claims that officers screwed up the breathalyzer – so the results are not valid. At least he didn’t claim that Mark Furhman was administering the test (though Fuhrman might well have been. I can’t imagine that his career went anywhere but down after his own brush with fame). Dave also insists that he wasn’t 100% that day. he’d attended a funeral that morning. So the poor fellow was worn out. Now he does cop to taking a glass of wine, and the hydrocodone. His back was out (that excuse again) and he needed to do something about the pain. However he was not swinging down bourbon behind the wheel like some good ole boy on his way to a NASCAR day at the races. Dave insists that he would never endanger fellow motorists in that way! The up shot of that is that at least he knows why what he allegedly did was wrong – which puts him light years ahead of your average celebrity offended (Nick Hogan for instance). That’s good, since it means the situation isn’t serious enough for a Partridge Family Celebrity Rehab Reunion!


Tom Cruise & the Legion of Superheroes!


IN other news: last night’s election results may have shaken many Americans – the ones @ MSNBC anyway (Hang in there Contessa Brewer), but never fear. Help is open the way because Tom Cruise has a plan. The former A List actor recently announced that he is going to end the war on terror by converting Al Qaidaist from backward Islam to enlightened Scientology. Once the auditing kicks in then they’re bound to see the error of their ways, and understand that the real enemy isn’t Wall Street Bankers, British Petroleum (they’re part of the Illuminati!), or the Rove-Cheney Gang; but Xenu and the minions of darkness! Here’s apicture of Tom cavorting with a cause!

You have to admire Tom’s attempt to find a peaceful resolution to this difficult situation. Hopefully, with greater awareness, differences can be worked out, and an optimal resolution reached. If not, Tom has a Plan B – and that involves ass whipping Mission Impossible style. To that end he has Jessica Alba on stand by and in a cat suit!

Jessica normally doesn’t prowl the streets of LA dressed like Catwoman, but Tom has her on speed dial and the call could come at any moment. So she has to be ready to swing into action at a moment’s notice. It’s reassuring to know that we can rest securely since celebrities are on the job. I just hope that Tom and Jessica haven’t hired Keith Partridge as their wheel man in this caper!



When Bunnies Attack

Bunny Bummer

https://i2.wp.com/images.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/2010920//300.victoria.cm.102010.jpgAt 66 Angela Dorian has had a long and varied career int he entertainment industry. You may remember her from bit parts and guest roles on series like Hogan’s Heroes, Star Trek, Perry Mason and Bonanza. She was also in Rosemary’s Baby (man the RB curse has claimed so many!). She perhaps best known as a former Playboy Bunny.

It’s been a while since Dorian the Bunny has been anything like a celebrity, but that doesn’t mean that she still doesn’t have it in her! For one thing she ain’t some blue haired granny playing bingo and settling into a Momma’s Family existence of crusty impatience and falling stockings. This broad has still got herself a man! More than that she still got what it takes to keep him in line too. Maybe she’s even got a bit too much!

By a bit too much I mean that Dorian went from laying down the lay to facing the music herself. On Saturday at about 7PM it became evident that Dorian was a bad bunny when she got hauled off to jail for shooting her unnamed boyfriend. That poor man wound up with a hole in his chest that crafty Dorian – that wascally wabbit! – claimed was put there by drug dealers.

However it later emerged that drug dealer had nothing to do with it. Dorian herself had shot the hapless man. That lead to a charge of attempted murder, and a million dollar bail. It also lead to her being incarcerated in Century Regional Detention Facility, in Lynnewood. That’s housed such hi profile ne’er do wells as Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Ritchie. So after a long hiatus from fame it looks like Dorian has finally made it into the winner’s circle and the exalted company therein! It just goes to show that it’s never to late, if you’ve still got some life in you! Naturally Dorian has pleaded not guilty.


Jesse James and Kat Von D Split?

Remember when Jesse James went with Kat Von D? That was after he humiliated his ex wife – America’s Sweetheart and Oscar Winner Sandra Bullock. Jesse cheated on Sandy with a bevy of tattooed white power sex fetish chicks. Naturally people were disgusted and wanted Bullock to dump James ass, and the rest of him, asap. They didn’t have to wait long to get their wish.

So when Kat Von D announced her hook up with rebounding James people were ambivalent. ON the one hand they thought that the gruesome twosome were a perfect match. KVD is heavily tattooed. She has also had a brush with white power. During her reality TV days she sent her Jewish boss a hate filled racially charged e mail, which she later denied sending, and even later admitted to bu claimed that she didn’t mean it. The back story on that is KVD was working for a guy called Ami James on Miami Ink. James is off the Jewish persuasion – although it’s not clear who persuaded him. He and Kat had a falling out, so Kat left to do her own think. however she left James a little something to remember her by:

That’s Kat – thinking with her heart instead of using her head. Anyway the combination of racism and body art, not to mention the general sleaze factor, seemed to make her the Jesse James dream girl. They did seem to have so much in common what with being fringe culture border line personality types.

On the other hand they didn’t think that it was appropriate for James to be bouncing back into the arms of love, or whatever, so soon. He seemed to have skipped the whole penance period. It’s not that anyone considered Kat Von D to be any great prize, except for those who never out grew their heavy metal stage. It’s just that people objected to JJ being happy so soon after making everyone else so uncomfortable and Sandy Bullock so unhappy. After all he basically ruined her Oscar night!

Well never fear. Things seemed to have worked out – if not for the best then at least ‘worked out”. KVD seems to have moved on from JJ. She’s recently been spotted out and about with other fringe types with borderline personalities (Not Mel Gibson – recent bad experiences have left him gun shy). That doesn’t mean that she and JJ are dunzo. Kat gets around and there’s plenty to go around. However it doesn’t look good for the love birds. Now that the publicity factor has worn off there’s not a lot that JJ can do for KVD. He’s a failed reality TV star and presently fading too fast to even be worthwhile tabloid fodder. So KVD has every reason to move on. If it can happen to Dave & Courtney it can happen to anyone (Arquette might have been more interesting if he’d cheated with tattooed neo nazi porn stars then revealing that Cox just got tired of being his mom – the mom fetish might have been fun in Mrs. Robinson with Anne Bancroft and Dustin Hoffman, but in real life it’s a creepy drag!). Anyone except Demi & AShton – they’re in love and they don’t care who knows it!

So that should provide closure for almost everyone. Everyone except those anticipating an eventually JJ – KVD reality TV show, and poor Sandra Bullock. However even she might be getting a second shot at love. If the rumours are true Sandy is considering hooking up with the one person with whom she shares so much in common: public image, career trajectory, and unfortunate love life – none other than Jennifer Aniston! Naw, that last part ain’t true – but imagine if it were!

Courteney Cox and David Arquette Split

David Arquette & Courtney Cox have had a good run. They met on the set of Scream and have been married for 11 years. However you can’t fight the law of averages, even in, or especially in, Hollywood. Representatives of the couple have ann0unced that they were officially separated. In fact they have been living apart for a few months now.

“We have agreed to a trial separation that dates back for some time,” the duo said in a statement. “The reason for this separation is to better understand ourselves and the qualities we need in a partner and for our marriage. We remain best friends and responsible parents to our daughter and we still love each other deeply. As we go though this process we are determined to use kindness and understanding to get through this together.”

“We are comfortable with the boundaries that we have established for each other during this separation and we hope that our friends, family, fans and the media also show us respect, dignity, understanding and love at this time as well.”

Cox & Arquette have weathered the usual celebrity relationship crises of counseling, addiction, speculation, and and the fishbowl life style. They seemed to be staying the course and settling into a relatively stable long term partnership. Now news is breaking that Arquette has been cheating and that’s what busting things wide open.

Rumour has it, and by rumour I mean that there are pictures – that Arquette has gotten cozy with a hot new chick. She’s cocktail waitress Jasmine Waltz, and here are those incriminating photos by way of TMZ!

There now, wasn’t that special? It ain’t anything that Demi Moore hasn’t – probably – turned a blind eye to on numerous occasions. Then again Demi hasn’t had her nose rubbed in it tabloid style. That’s adds a whole new dimension to disgrace; as Brett Farve could attest to! (BTW the latest on Demi, Ashton, and their beautiful relationship is that they are planning on adopting a baby to prove that there’s no truth to the cheating rumours and that they are happier and stronger together than ever! It’s not so much a fix it baby as a prove it baby, and so is another prospective celebrity entering Utopia with an inauspicious start.)

In fact numerous gossip blind items have had both Cox and Arquette in an open marriage, with Cox freely bedding her Cougar Town co stars. According to the blinds Arquette knew and was okay with it, since he was getting around himself. It was one of those “If you don’t care I don’t care” arrangements that have kept European marriages intact for centuries. It was all very sophisticated, until the story leaked. Then thing changed cause the cover on the phony act got blown. Now that “understanding” is an embarrassment to both stars, but especially to aging Courtney.

“We’re not having sex, and I completely understand,” Arquette, 39, said. “She’s in a place of wanting to be real and emotional. She’s an emotional being. She’s an amazing woman. If it doesn’t feel right, she doesn’t feel like bonding in that way.”

Now this story is still developing. Arquette, the cheater, is also the one most willing to reconcile. He phoned in Howard Stern’s Sirius satellite radio show to try and set the record straight by spinning it to his tune. According to Arquette’s version Cox stopped having sex with him while they were shooting Scream 4. The separation was also her idea. She came up with that on their 11th wedding anniversary. Her rationale was that she was tired of being Arquette’s “mother“.

Arquette is also eager to reconcile. He told Stern that Cox was the most amazing person that’s he’s ever met. He insists also that he did not cheat on Cox, except ‘technically‘ with Waltz. It’s the old ‘sure we were married but we were also separated, so it doesn’t count‘ loophole. He tales some responsibility for the bust himself – sort off. He acknowledges Cox complaints about his immaturity with “I totally get that!“. He also acknowledges that the separation will give him the time he needs at 46 to mature and grow up.

What is clear is that he wants Cox to stick around. Not because he’s so hot for her. They haven’t done the deed in over 4 months by his own Howard Stern admission. Basically he needs her because she’s his only claim to a public profile. Most people who know of Arquette -that is those who do know about him – know him as “the guy that chick from Friends married, you know the comedian“. Now Courtney barely has a public image; what she has is ‘old times sake‘ nostalgia. All that Arquette has is that reflected glory. So if they split he’s less than nowhere and possibly less than Jesse James – who was at least interesting in his own right. So this relationship is worth fighting for, more so in these economic times. That leaves the rest of us asking how interesting these 2 otherwise uninteresting people might get. Damn it – I hope that this isn’t a build up to a reality TV series!


Don’t call me fucking Joey!

everything old is loud again!

So what’s it like to be a famous actor, and a cast member of one of televisions most beloved sit coms? What MASH was for baby boomers Friends was for Gen X’ers – though without the political protest, idealism, of pretense of concern with anything out side or beyond one’s own limited existence and confined social circle (Still it was a very good show, MASH I mean). Now if Matt LeBlanc wasn’t the Alan Alda of the show – that honor goes unquestionably to Jennifer Ansiton, he was certainly the Wayne Rogers, or perhaps even MacLean Stevenson (BTW that makes Courtney Cox the Hotlips, Daivd Schwimmer is Frank Burns, and Matthew Perry – wait a minute maybe Perry is Alda and Aniston is more of a Mike Farrell…). The point is that he was no Gary Burghoff – that’s Lisa Kudrow’s role! Yet that’s exactly what the entertainment media is making him out to be. Naturally LeBlanc is pissed!

How pissed? Well Matt was over in Merry Ole England recently to give an interview to the UK Mirror (the Mirror is one of those fishwrappers frequently involved in multi million dollar libel cases, when they’re not paying a small fortune to some prostitute to tell them how long David Beckham’s dick is – so they kind of serve as an inspiration for online gossip bloggers!) . Matt however wasn’t so merry. While sitting down for the interview LeBlanc accidentally knocked over a glass of water. The reporter naturally assumed that LeBlanc was referencing his lovably thick Friends character and blurted “You all right, Joey? How YOU do-in?” The paper should’ve sent some one along who was experienced enough to know that you don’t say things like that to a former somebody. I guess they just didn’t think Joey was worth the consideration.

Joey LeBlanc thought that it was worth consideration. He considered it enough at the time to blow his stack over it. By blow his stack I mean that he said “I’m not Joey. Don’t you dare call me Joey. The papers say I’m finished, so don’t call me f**king Joey. I want to leave that all behind. I’m moving on.” Just in case the reporter didn’t catch that Joey went on “I’m not Joey. For the last time. I’m not f**king Joey. It’s Matt. Matt LeBlanc. Joey’s in the past. I’m trying to do something new.”

Now that’s not what Joey usually says. Joey usually tries to make the best of it by telling people what they want to hear. Things like “If people really believe me as that character, I have done my job. I don’t look on it as a negative thing. I take it as a compliment.“, which got brought up In a recent interview.

Now if that’s eating shit and calling it sugar, then it’s only because the man is a consummate professional. Kind of the way Lynda Carter was – during her drinking period – whenever some owner from one of the thousands of online Wonder Woman fans sites would call her up for some comments to add to his latest podcast. If Lynda was 3 sheets to the wind at the time she might be heard getting impatient, and even showing some low key sarcasm -“Oh yeah, good ole Wonder Woman. We gotta keep ole Wonder Woman kicking – woo hooo!

Also you have to consider the strain that Joey is under recently. His last show was the short lived Friends spin off Joey which didn’t make 13 episodes. His new project is a freak show called Matt LeBlanc where Joey plays a character called Matt LeBlanc that isn’t the real Matt LeBlanc, but based on public perceptions about who LeBlanc is. So there’s probably way too much Joey in there. Also it might mess with Joey’s sense of reality – that’s tenuous in actors at the best of times. More over actors, unlike regular folk, don’t find the best in themselves during adversity.

So perhaps Joey thought he was in character like Joaquin Phoenix on Letterman a year back; and again a couple of nights ago. Or even like William Shatner on Saturday Night Live when he told the nerds to “get a life“. Now if they’d listened to that there’d never have been a comic con 2010! Everyone knew Capt. Kirk didn’t mean it – if people got a life than no one would watch TV and movies!

It was the same kind of sly self parody (on Joey’s part) that has made William Shatner once again a household name to a generation of people to young to remember Star Trek as anything but a reference for the Next Generation Movies and Deep Space: Voyager – “7 of 9, summon the Bjork!” JOey has been around long enough to know that no matter how hopeless associated with a role you have become there is an eventual chance to get past it by owning it through self referential culturally relevant parody. Just like Betty White! Unless you’re Gary Coleman. So pipe down Joey, you’ll be just fine in 15 to 25 years!

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