Year of the Bunny

A green Playboy Bunny attending the Karma Foun...Image via Wikipedia

Bunnies are a big deal. Ever since they invaded the island continent of Australia people realized they needed watching. Of course many already figured that out from watching they mayhem these warm cuddly creatures regularly created in Saturday morning children’s cartoons. It seemed like they were constantly thwarting attempts to murder them, often with the use of mallets, high explosives, and even spring loaded boxing gloves – often provided by ACME Inc., probably free in exchange for product placement.
It was only a matter of time before these menaces found their way into popular culture – a wasteland that like the Australian Outback is tailor made for them. Hugh Hefner introduced the bunny to the world back in the 60’s through his chain of fetish cocktail clubs. There hard up unfaithful swingers could be waited on by attractive young women in rabbit costumes – floppy ears, fuzzy tail, etc. I even hear that the original costume featured oversized plastic “Bugs Bunny” teeth, which were quickly phased out – possibly following some injuries.
Hefner’s strain of Playboy Bunny proved even more popular than the cartoon breed. Soon we were up to our ear holes in grinning, bulging young varmints who were on the make with a vengeance. They sported every charm plastic surgery, and Hef’s substantial check book, could provide, up to and including over bites of buck toothed cartoon rabbit proportions! Hef made a good living marketing human bunnies for public consumption. The trouble started when these things began getting loose and roaming at large – free range bunnies began making trouble!
The first one to really get in the public eye was Anna Nicole “Big Bunny” Smith. Once she got a taste of the Golden Carrot she decided she liked it, and went on pursuing it with a vengeance that Bugs might envy! She left no stone unturned – plastic surgery, mercenary marriage, and even videoed herself giving birth to daughter Dannilynn so that the footage could be marketed! Anna eventually came to grieve, but not before she made a major mess out of her own live, the lives of her family and acquaintances, not to mention the Marshal clan – that;’s the family of the 90 something oil billionaire she married for true love back in the 90’s. Hey, it was the Clinton era!
Now people should’ve learned their lesson from ANS, and started treating these fluffy fearsome creatures with as much trepidation as the Monty Python Knights faced that killer rabbit in Holy Grail! Unfortunately the beast was loose – and the Aussie can tell you how hard those mangy critters are to handle once they get a foothold. Anyhow there was a five hundred channel universe for them to roam free in now. In fact there was far more air space than there was content to fill it. That’s why they invented Reality TV. So it seemed like there couldn’t be too much harm done by these friendly menaces. Soon bunnies were popping up everywhere, in The Bunnies Next Door Playboy reality TV show, as Gene Simmons sig other in Family Jewels, in the form of Gene Simmons sig other Shannon Tweed, and even in the news if you count the local weather slut or Katie Curic on the Evening News! Tom Cruise even tossed his long time partner Nicole Kidman for creepy bunny Katie Holmes. Australia knows no respite from these beasts!
With the rise of Britney Spears & Scarlett Johansson it looked that bunnies had not only gone mainstream but were about to gain a credibility that they had heretofore not enjoyed. It was only when a rare breed of Alaskan Killer Bunny, named Sarah Palin, started to invade America’s capitol, & even beginning to encroach within the belt way, that the public started to become fully conscious of the threat. Bearing a relentless smile, Sarah gnawed away on the collective mind of her country like some rogue bunny working it’s fearsome choppers through a cabbage patch! It was touch and go for awhile, and even David Letterman had about as much luck dealing with her as Elmer Fudd. Eventually the Alaskan Killer Bunny was deflected into the realms of reality TV and the tabloids – where she burned herself out. Another critter nearly invaded the White House by attaching herself to pres Candidate John “Pretty Boy” Edwards. However she was an extremely destructive version; ruining Edwards character, marriage, and career before he could get her anywhere near the Nation’s # 1 position. It worked out like a virus destroying it’s host! However It was a close call.
So where does that leave bunnies in the future? By now they’ve left such a track wreckord – in the form of the usual trail of wreckage, that the public should be well aware of the threat posed! However there still seems to be a place for these worthless destructive creatures. Word has it that Charlie’s Angels is rebooting, and going back to what was the original title and premise of the 1st series. Produces say that they are adding much more jiggle and fluff to the series, and plan to rename it “Bunny Squad”.Producers claim they were inspired by the small Southern town that announced plans to give the local Sherif’s dept. a public image make over by hiring Hooter’s girls as officers. Citing that “It worked for Hooters”, the sherif claimed that public attitudes towards law enforcement might improve if officers were perceived as more friendly and attractive! He also claimed that there was some enthusiastic support for the proposal, though only from small town criminals – “Are you gonna take me away officer?” “I might have to cuff and taser you too!” “Then the day only gets better. Lead on Sgt Pepper!“ ”Oh she’s Pepper. I’m Salty!” “Hallalujah!” As it turned out the whole report, that started the Charlie’s Angels reboot, was an article in The Onion – a herb so refreshingly toxic that even bunnies avoid it! – but by then the damage was done. Once it gets started it’s hard to stop. For instance I hear that David E Kelley is trying to get his Wonder Woman pilot redone in a new fluff and jiggle format tentatively titled Wonder Bunny! Just don’t get your carrot stuck in the Magic Lasso of Truth!
The Goodies: The Goodies vs the Moon Bunnies
Watch Invasion of the Moon Creatures – The Goodies in Comedy | View More Free Videos Online at

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