More Trouble for Michael Douglas

It really hasn’t been a good year for Michael Douglas. First his oldest son Cameron got busted in a major meth trafficking crack down. He got caught in a New York hotel trying to sell about 20 000 in drugs to an undercover cop. That lead to a court date that lead to even more trouble. Cameron’s girlfriend tried to pass him heroin inside an electric toothbrush in open court. She got caught and that didn’t do anything for young Cameron’s case.

Naturally this preyed on Michael’s mind. He’d attempted to straighten the kid out with the tough love approach. He had cut the kid off financially. As a Hollywood brat Cameron wasn’t really qualified to do anything, except work in films or deal dope. Since Michael had put the kibosh on any film work it was down to dope dealing. So of course Michael felt personally responsible for his son’s misfortune. Perhaps that’s why the actor recently developed throat cancer.

While Michael was trying to deal with his son’s incarceration and his own illness his ex wife Diandra came out of the wood work. Mike and Diandra had been married for about 23 years. They divorced about 10 years back when Michael got hooked up with Catherine Zeta Jones. The divorce was fairly amicable, with Mike and Diandra agreeing on a split up of everything that he’d earned while they were together. The fine print included any future earnings from projects he’d worked on during their time together. The fine print paid off for Diandra. She earned about 6 million last year out of that.

The fine print didn’t work out do well for Mike. He’s recently released Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps. Since it’s a Wall Street sequel and Mike did Wall Street while he was with Diandra, she thinks that she’s entitled to a piece of the action. So her lawyers are suing Douglas for some of the proceeds.

Mike doesn’t want to take this lying down. So he’s had his lawyers contest this, and issue a public statement calling Diandra a greedy woman who won’t let him live in peace. Diandra’s people have responded, claiming in their own press release that it’s exactly the opposite – not that Diandra isn’t greedy, but that Michael isn’t living up to his obligations.

So it’s kind of ironic that this brouhaha has developed over a money film. It couldn’t have happen at a worse time either, since Douglas really needs the peace and quiet to deal with his health, and family, issues. So what can you say, except money never sleeps, trouble never stops, and there’s no rest for the weary.

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Tiger & Elin are done

http://www.youtube.com/get_player

Tiger Woods’ multi million dollar divorce from Elin Nordgrin is a done deal. Now that was only a matter of time ever since Tiger’s sleazy secret sex life became public. Gossipistas will recall that the Woods story came to light over the course of a wild and wacky weekend in which a text message meant for Tiger got intercepted by Elin. That resulted in one of America’s shortest getaways, a battered and toothless Tiger sprawled semi conscious across the front lane, and Elin trying to explain to CHP’s why she was holding a bloody golf club in her hand. Oh yeah and Tiger’s mother in law had a minor heart attack and had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital, after passing out in the bathroom.

After that Tiger’s world unraveled as slut after slut after slut came forward repeating the same story of pills, cheap sex in expensive hotels, and Tiger lying to Elin so he could keep on keeping on behind her back. Elin wound up looking almost as ridiculous as Sandra Bullock. So naturally the divorce talk started. Tiger’s worth upwards from 1 billion, and Elin was in line for a good chunk of that change.

For awhile it looked like they might patch it up. Tiger astonishingly persisted in playing golf – though now very badly. Elin released a statement that the divorce was on hold pending his performance in the Master’s tournament. Naturally he screwed that up, and the divorce was back on. The only question was how fast would they get it done.

Well word has come out to day that they have finally got it done, and even now the ink is drying on the divorce papers. Reports have Elin cashing in to the tune of 100 mill to 750 mill. Meanwhile Tiger’s income has dropped by as much as 100 mill. He lost 35 mill in endorsements, plus the rest in anticipates tournament winnings. There’s just no such thing as safe sex.

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Lindsay on the Loose

Lindsay Lohan Goes Free

http://www.viddler.com/player/afbca21e/

Lindsay finishes sentence – she’s had longer hangovers!

Those who were hoping that Lindsay Lohan might be getting a major dose of justice might be in for a major disappointment. The actress was recently incarcerated in Lynnwood Rehabilitation Facility for violation of her probation. The probation stems back to a 2007 incident involving a car and intoxicants. The powers that be cut her some slack on that, and ordered her into an alcohol awareness program. Lindsay is already pretty alcohol aware, and so decided to skip most of the program. Perhaps she was waiting until they got to the sobriety awareness part?

Anyway Lindsay’s continued defiance lead to more court dates, more recommended 12 step programs, a scram bracelet – the newest rogue celebrity accessory – and finally getting banged up in the poky! Though she screamed and cried during sentencing, and promised to be good this time – the miniature “fuck off” inscribed into her nail polish called her sincerity into question!

Well just a short time ago Lindsay began serving what was supposed to be a 90 day sentence. Stories coming out of Lynnwood had Lohan behaving as a model prison: quiet, compliant, and cooperative. There were a few hitches: Logan wasn’t eating – though she’s never been one for solid food and usually prefers a liquid diet; and she’d stopped drinking – anything. Maybe she wasn’t used to water as a main beverage instead of a mixer. However word was that the water in the facility is as filthy as anything seen since the days of cholera.

Lindsay’s otherwise model behavior seems to have paid of. The sometime actress and tabloid mainstay (God bless her – what would we do without her?) was sprung loose earlier today. Prison officials declared severe overcrowding combined with the non violent nature of Lohan’s offense as the reason for her early release. With so many rapists and serial murders running amok in the Land of the Free it just didn’t make sense to blow tax payers’ money on a celebrity. With America coming out of a recession the argument has validity. Of course if they made the wealthy pay for their own imprisonment it might go along way towards furthering the cause of American Justice. Since the USA has a two tiered health care system, why then not opt for the best penal system too?

BTW Lindsay maybe free from captivity but isn’t being reintroduced into the wild just yet. The actress has been transferred from prison custody into a 90 day treatment program. If this 90 days lasts as long as her last 90 day sentence it’ll be over before her hangover!

Good Luck Chuck – Charlie’s devils

Charlie Sheen gets 30 days in Promises Rehab for Chrsitmas DAy Knife Fight with wife Brooke MuellerIn an unrelated but parallel story Charlie Sheen is off the hook over his domestic assault beef. The actor got into some trouble over allegations that he threatened his wife – Brooke Mueller – with a knife during a Christmas Dinner altercation. Things looked bad for Chuck until it was revealed that Brooke was even more drunk than he was at the time. Plus she had a colorful cocaine past- including an alleged stint in rehab while preggers!

The fact that Brooke’s story kept changing didn’t help her credibility much. First she claimed that Charlie had held a knife to her throat. Then she said that she made it up. Then her lawyer said that she only said that cause she had Battered Woman Syndrome or something. Cynics thought that she was keeping her options open while trying to figure out which side of the 20 million a year (which Chuck gets for 2 1/2 Men) she fell on. If he divorced her she’d burn him, but if he let her keep riding the gravy train then she wouldn’t screw up his pay check.

Denise Richards even spoke out in Charlie’s defense. She claimed that Charlie was a great father who never physically abused her (similar to what Mel Gibson’s ex Robyn is currently saying about Mad Max via court depositions). Considering that this is the woman who as much as accused him of pedophilia during their ultra nasty divorce (Denise publicly claimed that Charlie enjoyed looking at “borderline porn” on the Internet. Then she brought her kids into the judge for an emergency closed door session following a return from a visit with Charlie. She claimed they were acting oddly. The judge examined the kids and then laughed Denise out of his office.) and people began thinking that money must talk or something. So considering the skanks and ho bags that seemed drawn to Sheen, the public started giving him the benefit of the doubt.

That only left the courts to deal with. Now Charlie’s crack legal team were working overtime to get everything banged down to the minimum. They worked out a plea bargain where Chuck could do some minimal jail time and be back on the loose in time for the next season of his highly rated show. There was even a work release during the day so Sheen wouldn’t get too cooped up. Charlie liked the idea of that since it gave him a chance to keep up on one of his favorite hobbies- chain smoking. However when it turned out that prison no smoking laws applied to the work release as well so the deal went out the window.

Now finally some closure has been reached in this sordid affair. Charlie was sentenced earlier today. He managed to avoid jail time too. Chuck will get the usual celebrity slap on the wrist – 30 days in rehab. He’ll be checking into Promises Rehab Center – a facility with a track record of failure where celebrities are concerned (they failed with Lohan a couple of times and have had a few other hi profile losers pass through their gates including Hollywood’s answer to Jerri Blank, Tara Reid!) sometime soon. No word on what Promises smoking policy might be. As for Chuck – next stop, divorce court.

So the moral of today’s story is – in the words of Jerri Blank – you should always take responsibility for your actions, unless you don’t have to!

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Here’s to togetherness!

Brangie vs the (gutter) press

Moksana might be at each other’s thoughts, both legally and literally of the leaked tape recorded conversations of an hysterical Mel ranting racist death threats against his former mistress are to be believed (in the world of journalism a run on sentenced is known as “gonzo“. That was originated by the late great Hunter Thompson who was freakishly gifted as a writer – bless his soul – but did like to write stoned and so sometimes lost track of where one sentence ended and another began. Sometimes he’d just mush several of them together!) – but there’s one couple who just don’t know when to quit – Brangelina. Brangelina, or Brangie for short, are not only solidly together, but are fighting mad about it. So much so that they’ve taken Brit tab News of the World to court over stories about the power couple disconnecting and even having a post nup type division of assets drawn up.

B-ish movie actress types
it wasn't easy including a martial arts finale in Paul W Anderson's 3 Musketeers but would a Milla Jovovich film really be the same without one?It hasn’t been a good few years for News of the World. They also lost a suit to Kate Beckinsale – the Underworld vampire who married Len Wisman. The News referred to Beckinsale as a “B movie actress” She took exception and sued. She also won an undisclosed sum. The News’ defense, that references to Ms. Beckinsale were a misprint, and that they meant Milla Jovovich, didn’t seem to help their defense any. BTW Milla is moving up in class: she’s featured as Milady in her husband Paul W Anderson’s new adaption of the 3 Musketeers! I just hope that the Milla Martial Arts Massacre Finale made the film’s final cut!
Make room for Jethro – Fail in the Family

http://www.viddler.com/player/8d738757/

Speaking of Follywood Family Values the Palin’s have another crisis: Bristol Palin has defied her mother and become engaged to Levi Johnston. Now Sarah Barracuda is no fan of Ricky Hollywood, ever since he sold out and began spilling shit about her. When questioned about it by reporters she did mention that the lad might be welcome in her house for Thanksgiving, but only after being grilled in the oven for several hours and served up honey glazed with an apple in his mouth. So you can kind of take that 2 ways. Since Sarah’s bagged bigger, meaner creatures than Levi he might probably take it as a warning. That’s what Bristol seems to have taken it as, & so bypassed telling Mom in favour of blurting the news out through the tabloids. So it was presented to Mom as a fait accompli, or “it’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission” in other words!

Teen pregnancy, reality TV, and other consequences
Now you can’t blame Sarah for having reservations. Bristol is her eldest, and has been a target for entertainment industry bullies, like David “I’m into creepy stuff” Letterman! So naturally she wants to make sure that Bristol has a guy who can both provide for her daughter and protect her. Quite frankly this Levi fellow comes off as shiftless (and useless!).
next stop Sunnyvale Trailer Park!
However Sarah needn’t worry. Bristol and Levi have their immediate future all worked out. They’re planning a reality TV series (what else?) based on their life together as the 2 most famous young Alaskans on the planet. With a deal like that in the works they should be able to land a million dollar check from some desperate cable TV producers. If the show’s as promising as it sounds, it might even keep them busy right up to mid season replacements. Besides with some minor retooling – like replacing Todd with Mel Gibson as crusty family patriarch, and rewriting Sarah as Dingbat, they might have a bona fide hit on their hands!

So that covers about everyone except the Lohan’s! Remember the post from a few days back pointing out that jail was a Lohan family tradition? Well Dad might be joining Lindsay, since he’s been charged with 2nd degree harassment for threatening to kill current gal pal and Jon Gosselin cast off Kate Major. According to Major she was sleeping one off when Big Mike barged in, called her a “fucking cunt”, and threw her to the ground by overturning her chair. Mikey L counter claims that Major was drunk off her ass when he made the threat so how can she swear to it? – oops!

Sandra Bullock taskes back cheating husband

sandra bullock puts breaks on divorce from trashy cheating husbandThe story that won’t die has a new twist: Sandra Bullock is considering taking Jesse James back! Word has it, via the National Enquirer -source of all half truth’s – that Bullock is calling off her 250 million dollar divorce. What got into her?

Well the unofficial story is that Bullock is so filled with joy after the adoption of her new baby that she wants to give her husband another chance. The usual unnamed sources say that Sandra is impressed with the way Jesse is seeking help for his sex addiction, and moved by his remorse. He must’ve been very remorseful since he humiliated Bullock in the worst way imaginable, by cheating on her with tattooed neo Nazi strippers! The news broke at the worst time, within a week of Sandra winning her best actress Oscar. Sandra’s acceptance speech praised James for making her more real and a better actress. In other words he made a total fool of her.

The unofficial story, and this is unsubstantiated rumour of the kind that makes the rounds of Internet blogs such as this one, is that James has got dirt on her. The dirt is a sex tape featuring Bullock and something called the Dirty Sanchez. The Dirty Sanchez is a variation of Scat Play – a sex fetish involving human feces. In the case of the Dirty Sanchez a brown ‘mustache’ is left across the upper lip of one of the participants. So the story goes that James, getting dirty with Bullock, has threatened to release the tape unless she comes to her senses and takes him back. If the tape comes out then all of Sandra’s public sympathy could dry up faster than you can say “Tom Cruise on Oprah’s Couch!” Of course if she takes back the most evil man in America, then she’s gonna lose a lot of that sympathy anyway!

Maybe Sandra is just more forgiving than Tiger Wood’s estranged wife Elin Nordgren. Elin is already planning her post Woods life. She’s making some long term plans, like enrolling in a psych course at a Florida university. Considering the nature of her course – “human abnormal behavior”, she might be planning on taking her wayward spoouse back too!

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Conan’s Interview on 60 Minutes VIDEO

Conan O Brien talks double crosses and dirty deals as he tells about getting the shit end of the stick in his own words.

http://cnettv.cnet.com/av/video/cbsnews/atlantis2/player-dest.swf
Watch CBS News Videos Online

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Tiger Woods & Jesse James ‘Mistresses’ Get Reality TV Offer

More sewage

[redlasso id=’cae74f57-c5c1-42fb-9da7-3e5a298225fe’]

We are living in the age of sleaze. The number of high profiles sexcapades that have recently come to light emphasize that. Tiger Woods racked up umpteen mistresses, and showed the world that his private life was a messy contrast to his athletic virtuosity. Sandra Bullock hasn’t seen the light of day since her husband’s scuzzy mistresses crawled out of the wood work. They’ve both reached new levels of fame, yet that seems to have impaired their public careers.

crime pays

Though Jesse and Tiger can’t cash in on their wrongdoings, others can. Stripper McGee and Jamie Jungers have been approached by who else, reality TV producers, with the offer of a new series. The producer in question is Bobby Goldstein and he things that the time is right to cash in on the wave of high profile infidelity!

He even has a name picked out for this newest addition to the crap TV spectrum. He wants to call the show Cheaters! He has all the pieces for this reality TV onslaught except one, he needs a network to pick it up. That shouldn’t be too hard. If Dr Drew can get his celeb rehab show on the air, not to mention his sex rehab, then there must be a place for Celebrities Cheaters. So keep your eyes peeled for it – not!

Tiger Woods & Jesse James 'Mistresses' Get Reality TV Offer

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