Coming This Week to the National Enquirer

Food for though from the next National Enquirer. Looks like the celebrity set are either too fat or too thin. Most are too thin, like Tara Reid. She down to a walking skeletal 95 pounds. Of course Tara is ona liquid diet. That diet is kind of harsh and can mess up the intestines. So you’re still screwed even if you go back on solids. The rest, like Mary-Kate Olson, and Nicole Richie are old news, until we get to Elin Nordgrin – the former Ms. Tiger. She’s down to 110 pounds. Even though 110 is bloated and super-sized within the celeb set, this could indicate a serious problem if she’s lost a lot of weight suddenly, say following the divorce.


https://i2.wp.com/surveys.ami-admin.com/images/ne/10.09.10/big.jpg

BTW the “Guess who” 255 and gaining is of course Whitney Houston. Her metabolism has been screwed up from years of cocaine abuse. Now, without the artificial outside stimulants, her system has become lethargic. Everything gets stored instead of burned. Something similar, to a lesser degree, happened to model and Species actress Natasha Henstridge.

Though born in Springdale, Newfoundland and raised in Fort McMurray Alberta (Ft Mac is one of Newfoundland’s largest cities!), by 15 she was living in Paris and working as a high end fashion model. In order to keep her end high The Tash, by her own admission, used a lot of diet aids that are no longer on the market. She explained that at the time she didn’t see it as cheating; they gave her the energy to exercise more (just like steroids do to pro baseballers!).

Anyway after having kids Natasha decided it was time to clean up. So she went stimulant free. The result was that she put on about 10 pounds. Not a lot on a 5’11” woman with her frame. Still it was enough for her to speak about it on TV. Henstridge said that now the 10 or 15 won’t budge. So years of diet pill abuse may have thrown her metabolism slightly off kilter. It’s not enough to keep Henstridge out of a bikini down in Malibu, and no one in Malibu is complaining about the view!

https://i1.wp.com/i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/08/05/article-1204498-05F4E362000005DC-143_468x594.jpg

Besides, in Natasha’s defense, even highly active persons can have an occasional weight issue.

https://mocksure.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/big_wonder_woman_by_wieringo.jpg?w=237

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Biggest Losers & the Skinny on Image

weighty affairs


Drew Carey
has dropped some weight lately. Maybe he’s worried sick: either about The Price Is Right or the state of Cleveland Ohio’s down town area. Let’s have a look at the following video in which a gaunt, but familiar, character makes an appearance at the Cleveland City council:

[redlasso id=’7f984fc0-622b-4591-8acc-942d07b7eeee’]

50 pounds for 50 Cent

Drew ain’t he only one dropping the pounds. The once husky 50 Cent has lost about 50 pounds. 50 bagged a movie role where he had to play a cancer patient. Only problem being that 50 looked way too healthy to play that. Where there’s a will there’s a way – so 50 went on a liquid diet (amino acids, not vodka like Jessica Simpson) and ran the tread mill 3 hours a day until he reached his new skeletal appearance. Just hope that there’s now long term damage (crash dieting can cause heart problems).

[redlasso id=’bc980e33-eff8-48d8-8718-3c627fefe307′]

“Don’t be concerned”. I’m concerned that they would tell us not to be concerned!

I’m even more concerned that some impressionable types may try to imitated the drastic, dramatic weight loss of the celebs. Especially with swim suit season fast upon us. So if you’re trying to wedge yourself into something you’ve got no business getting into in the first place then before you go all Al Roker on us just remember that it’s nice to look nice, but it’s good to stay healthy!

mighty mouth

BTW as a further reminder not to fuck witht he features God gave you, here are some pictures of Peaches Honeyblossom Cummysuckle Geldorf and her amazing new overbite!

Peaches Gledorf overbite

Sorry about the harsh lighting but the veneers she’s got on those things are so blindingly white that they screw up the digicams!

brand new Sam

Some celebs go well beyond the bounds of crash diets, grotesque dental work, and collagen lips in their quest for image & identity make over. Speaking of which you might be glad to hear the Samantha Ronson’s gender reassignment procedure is coming along swimmingly! Just have a peep:

sex change sam

Sam’s like a new man! If it wasn’t for those familiar firm fierce features I’d never have recognized her. Second thought gender reassignment seems to be softening her looks somewhat.

pretty rude

Of course there are those celebs who don’t need drastic weight loss or bad plastic surgery to alarm us – like Kristin Bella Swan Stewart. KS has been pretty vocal about her hatred 0f paparazzi in particular and fame in general. That doesn’t stop her from making an appearance on her balcony to grab a little attention.

Kristen Bella swan Stewart one fingered salute
Kristen Bella swan Stewart one fingered salute

That young woman is becoming a handful! Not only that but by the look in her eyes she’s either on meth, or possessed.


Wondertrash thought of the day:

The whole point of Camp is to dethrone the serious. Camp is playful, anti-serious. More precisely, Camp involves a new, more complex relation to “the serious.” One can be serious about the frivolous, frivolous about the serious.

Camp proposes a comic vision of the world. But not a bitter or polemical comedy. If tragedy is an experience of hyperinvolvement, comedy is an experience of underinvolvement, of detachment.

~ Susan SontagNotes On “Camp”

Speaking of which here’s a blast from the past

http://www.veoh.com/static/swf/webplayer/WebPlayer.swf?version=AFrontend.5.5.1.1006&permalinkId=v1633588Hcsdmzas&player=videodetailsembedded&videoAutoPlay=0&id=13632138
Watch Hype Pressure – The Goodies in Comedy | View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

That talent show panel could have used Paula Abdul!

Now here’s something just as cheesy but without the tongue in cheek!

http://www.veoh.com/static/swf/webplayer/WebPlayer.swf?version=AFrontend.5.5.1.1006&permalinkId=v13871508dmjhfWY&player=videodetailsembedded&videoAutoPlay=0&id=13632138
Watch SPace 1999 – Earthbound.divx in Entertainment | View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

wondertrash

This just in – Kim Kardashian is a tard!

celebritarded!

kim kardashian gaggedKim Kardashian is known for having a few sex tapes out, having done a few reality TV series, and for having dating a few famous people. She’s also good looking in a Monica Lewinsky sort of way (Bill Clinton must be stalking that chick cause she seems like his dream girl!) KK is also famous for having an ass so big it could qualify as outdoor plumbing! It’s a shame that the other end doesn’t work as well because Kim has made a few comments that have made it clear which end – heads or tails – is in charge.

conspicuous consumption

When you’ve got a great big fat arse on you then putting on weight becomes an issue. Kim has been fairly open in the past about having to watch what she eats. Like everyone fighting the battle of the budge she’s got her diet secrets (though in her case the battle of the bulge seems to be mostly a rear guard action!).

battles of the bulge and other dangerous curves

Now the statements that cast some doubt on Ms. Kardashian’s mental proficiency were in regard to her weight control secrets. She made the statements to, who else, Ryan Seacrest. Seacrest is the one who tormented Heidi Montag into getting a pair of knockers so large that if she were positioned strategically Homeland Security might be able to mount some kind of satellite tracking dish on them. Now that’s an exaggeration, but I’m sure that they could be sued to road block more troublesome spots along the US – Mexican border! Ryan always seems to be on hand when any kind of trouble goes down.

Diner with White House Correspondents – choke on this

Back to Miss Kim. Seems that while she was chatting away to RS she let her coveted diet tactics slip. The conversation took place @ the White House Correspondents banquet. The WHC was responsible for a lot of silly statements from a number of people, and is already getting a reputation similar to the annual Southfork Barbecue on Dallas. Though it was the event of the Dallas social season it usually ended in a scene, and often with Cliff Barnes drunk and face down in either the pool or the barbecue.

Ryan Seacrest is a necessary rat

Seacrest was asking Kim how she manages to put the breaks on when she’s faced with a tempting dinner. Kim reveals that she carries Windex around with her. When a meals looks just too damned good she takes it out, and then sprays down the food. It’s then inedible on the basis that even some one stupid enough to put Windex on their food wouldn’t be dumb enough to eat it.

a little dab will do ya!

Now in Kim’s defense she only uses the Windex at home. When she’s out at a restaurant she settles for dumping soda on it. Beyond that it’s pretty indefensible. For one thing wouldn’t it be easier not to buy the food. To go out and get food that you have to pour Windex on to avoid eating is complicated. There are too many steps. It would be more believable if she said that she gets Windex & vinegar mixed up regularly.

Kim needs to smarten up and get saucy!

For another thing it’s just a disgraceful way to treat your food. Once you’ve put Windex on it it’s useless period. So why not go for a less extreme option; one that will make the food unappetizing, rather than potentially lethal? A bottle of Tabasco sauce would work just as well. Since many people enjoy super hot meals the food is still salvageable. If that would be too drastic a shift for Ms. Kardashian then she could taper off of the Windex by way of things that are still to strong to be edible, without being flat out poisonous. Like the Bhut Jolokia (Naga Ghost Chili) which is known has the hottest pepper in the world. It ranks at something like 1 million on the Scoville scale. If Ms. Kim added a couple of these to her meals then she might not feel like eating again for days, and possibly weeks. Even hard core chili pepper lovers can get ko’d by this, just like the poor man in the following short video!

Kim Kardashian wears a dental gag http://www.celebuzz.com/top... on TwitpicOne of those should put KK off of food, possibly for days. Besides their are other less extreme methods of limiting food intake. For instance Kim could go back to wearing that dental gag she’s so fond of! Or she could start watching any one of those numerous reality TV chef shows. As a last ditch she might even simply remind herself about the lacking hygiene levels in some of America’s best restaurants! Think about that too much and the Windex will start looking like a good idea – mild poison versus short order chef’s crotch grab germs and mucus spray! Besides, most food is so over processed today that a shot of Windex is neither here nor there!

ON a brighter note, no matter how bleak the present looks there’s always a chance that things can turn around. 10 years ago Robert Downey jr couldn’t buy a job in acting – despite nearly winning the Academy Award for his brilliant screen portrayal of Charles Chaplin. Then Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise walked amongst the Hollywood Hills as gods upon the Earth. Now Tom Cruise would have a hard time buying film work. Mel Gibson might want to start saving up for that matter.

As for Downey, not only has he scored with Ironman 2, but he’s got a whole bunch of people on Twitter pretending to be him. I’ve got no idea who the real one is, if the real Robert Downey is even on Twitter, since none of those accounts are verified. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery – and even the Bible says that we are made to be like God, and be imitators of Christ – though both of those persons, assuming they are distinct, should be above and beyond flattery – then it goes to show how dart hings can turn around. “Better to be alive dog than a dead lion; for where there is life there is also hope.” ~ Ecclesiastes.

Name results for: robert downey jr

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Peaches Geldof Twitter "gun" photo

Pix courtesy of MetroUK


They grow up so fast now! One day they’re an innocent child, and the next they’re checked into rehab with a 25 vicodin a day habit. When you’re stuck with a name like “Peaches Geldof” your chances of growing up normal must be about 1 000 000 to 1!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32545640

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

In other news Angelina Jolie was recently photographed looking scrawnier than ever! In fact she’s beginning to look like Waylon Flowers’ Madame!

wondertrash

Coming soon to the National Enquirer

Good to see that the NE is still on the cutting edge of American journalism. It’ll probably take Dateline or 20/20 6 months to get around to something like this.


Kirstie Alley will be so hugely pissed that she didn’t make the cover. It gives her one less thing to twitter about in her otherwise full & active life. Well maybe if she was on her agent’s ass, instead of cruising up and down the potato chip aisle as Costco (that’s the new intensive physical training programing she’s mentioned) then she could’ve made the America’s Worst Fat Asses issue too!

people of costco

To see more of Costco customers in their natural habitat link over to PeopleofCostco. Incidentally I can almost confirm that the original idea for the people of Costco website came from a special needs student who wanted to call it piggiesatcostco.

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