Coming soon from the National Enquirer

Khloe Kardashian – who’s your daddy?

Hopefully not O J Simpson!

Just when you thought that the whole sordid Kardashian saga couldn’t get any lower – O J Simpson gets in on the act. According to the NE anyway. OJ’s a bad bad man and I hear he’s even considering voting for Newt Gingrich should the Gingster get the official Repub nom.

The Enquirer has a few other stories in the works and here’s a run down:

After a week in which she’s been under constant attack by her critics, cooking queen Paula Deen is facing a new bombshell – a top doctor says she has only THREE YEARS to live.
In a special divorce shockers report, Enquirer reveals the different marriage troubles that Lisa Marie Presley, John Travolta and Marie Osmond are facing and whether their marriages can be saved.
Former “View” host Star Jones is piling on the pounds after suffering a shocking emotional blow, the ENQUIRER reveals exclusively. Candid new photos show Star at least 30lbs heavier and Enquirer tells why she’s pigging out on 5,000 calories a day.

Meanwhile the entertainment media is still aghast over news of Seal & Heidi Klum’s unexpected break up. They always seemed so happy if their frequent re commitment ceremonies were any indication. Now in retrospect that does come off as anxious and compulsive. Perhaps it was only a cover for those irreconcilable differences Klum is expected to site as grounds for the split up. So far the story has Klum as the one filing against Seal. Now here’s TheGayBill’s take on the sad news:

We know two things from the above video: Bill is gay, and he’s viewed some interesting porn. As two why Seal and Klum are calling it quits, we’ll have to hang on. Maybe Seal gifted Klum with one of those Justin Theroux handbags for Christmas – like the one that set Jennifer Aniston off, allegedly. Never use accessories to do jewelry’s job!

More facts will probably emerge next week when Klum files and both sides prepare for a show down.


Katy Perry put fame ahead of kids

Russell Brand started his career as an edgy Brit radio host. He got kicked off that gig by telling listeners that he’d fucked the granddaughter of Andrew Sachs, among thousands of others. Andrew Sachs is the guy who played Manuel on Fawlty Towers, and his grand daughter is some kind of notable London psychic. Andy got mad and made a public stink that got Brand the boot.

Upshot is that Brand is famous for sex, scandal, and for claiming to have bagged more ass than Wilt the Stilt! When he married recovering Christian power pop singer Katy Perry people figured that it wasn’t the only show biz relationship based on irreconcilable differences. People also asked how long it could go on. Since the couple were married in a lavish ceremony, back in 2010, skeptics wouldn’t have long to wait. Only about 14 months. That’s how long it took for the papers to get officially filed.

Now there had been rumblings for some time. Ellen DeGeneres made some remarks about it when Russ made an appearance a few months back. EdG asked if it were true that Katy had filed for divorce and Russ jokingly responded “She should have told me.” Way to use humor as a deflection! Even though Russ was maintaining that there was zero fire under the smoke the alarm buzzer went off earlier today when it was reveled that Russ himself had filed against his wife. Russ claims that he took the initiative of divorcing he wife because her family are church happy and couldn’t take it if she’d filed. So basically he’s divorcing his wife to be a gentleman – not sure if that’s more deflective humor!

Brand sites “irreconcilable differences” in his divorce papers. Now before you go jumping to the obvious conclusions about Brand screwing up his marriage by getting drunk and sleeping around – bewared. That boozed out horn hound routine was just hype. The real reason, and Brand is not too gentlemanly to admit it, or have others drop hints about it on his behalf, is that Katy was an immature, shallow, and selfish person. Now that’s not what Brand’s people are saying. They have a kinder gentler spin. The official story says that Russ was ready to settle down, and Katy didn’t want kids. Her career is too hot now and a pack of rug rats would only have slowed her down. Hope her Christian kin ain’t reading those comments or it would defeat the whole purpose of Russ filing first!

Some other little comments are getting dropped too. Stuff like perhaps Katy didn’t realize what kind of a commitment marriage was. It’s not all harsh criticism though. Brand does say that he knows he will always remain best friends with his soon to be ex mate. That could prove challenging since when the couple married back in October 2010 – in a ceremony featuring the pair riding elephants, they are believed to have hooked up with out a pre nup. So Russ could be due of half of what the missus made since Oct 2010 – and it’s been a lucrative 14 months for Perry! Her “Kissed a Girl” single made about a cool 50 mill, and her California Dreamin’ world tour is already at he 20 mill mark in earnings. So who thinks that Russ is gonna be just as gentlemanly about letting his wife keep her caash as he was about sparing her Christian family’s feeling?


Bad Grammer

Kelsey Frasier Grammer had been married to Real Housewives Camille Donatacci for 13 and had 2 kids: Jude and Mason. Then their marriage exploded in allegations of cheating and cross dressing. The cheating allegations proved true, we can only guess about the cross dressing.

We know that the cheating stories were true because Kelsey side piece came out fo the wood work claiming to be knocked up by the TV star. The sides piece was a British airline hostess fresh from the friendly skies and named Kayte Walsh. She was 30 and Grammer was 56.

Kayte miscarried, but Frasier claimed that he wanted to marry the woman anyway, causing some to wonder whether he had alcohol related brain damage or something. So some nuptials got planned. Before they could get followed through on a divorce had to be planned – it’s just like a fairy tale! So Frasier and the missus went at it. Housewives fan saw that play pout on Camille’s reality TV show!

Lawyers were hired and blame was assigned. It could’ve dragged on and on and on, but Kelsey was eager for the beaver, so he coughed up 50 mill to get it over and done with quickly, if not painlessly. The ideas was that Camille would take the hefty windfall and go off to do what ever Hollywood ex wives do: live happily ever after in a wold of plastic surgery, colonic therapy, and New Age self exploration. Maybe she’d write a book about reinventing herself.

This is where the hangover starts. Seems that Kelsey’s plans to get everything clued up quick hit a snag when he and Camille started bickering over the kids. According to Camille, who has given her side to the National Enquirer, she was only too happy to share joint custody with Kelsey. But then Grammer got greedy and demanded total sole custody of the kids. That would’ve cut Mom out of the picture. So the pair went to war – funny how unavoidable war is even in our present enlightened age. Must be a human nature thing I guess.

According to Camille Grammar has no right to full custody. After all he’s the one who selfishness ruined his marriage by knocking up a stewardess. That left the children confused and traumatized. He abandoned his parental rights when he abandoned his parental duties, and you can’t have it both ways, even if you’re Dr Frasier Crane!

Frasier did some other bad suff to. Frasier has been introducing the kids to the new Mrs Grammar. That’s awkward but unavoidable. However something he might have avoided doing was introducing her to the kids as “your other mother”. I guess that makes Camille “the starter mom”. Naturally Camille saw red, hit the roof, and then went ballistic, after hearing about Kelsey’s grammar! Now any farm boy fresh off the back of the pick up could’a told him that was a bad idea. Maybe he was being spiteful. You know how adversity brings out the best in people, unless adversity is a divorce, in which case the devil might go running for shelter.

“Just say ‘yes!’ – If we can separate image from self, then we can get rid of awareness, and that will make reality obsolete!”

Kelsey Grammar’s sleazy antics once again raise the question of “Why do the beautiful people engage in self destructive behavior?” That’s a question at least as old as the self help movement. So we can date it as far back as the 60’s. It’s lead to the whole self awareness movement, which evolved into New Age, and eventually Oprah Winfrey! Now self awareness is a long involved process and that takes both time and effort. Why make a long haul commitment when you can fly now and pay later? That’s the $64 000 question that helped self help evolve into what it’s become today – what ever that is.

Now it shouldn’t surprise you to know that the whole self help movement was invented back in the early 60’s by a plastic surgeon named Maxwell Maltz. He’s reputed to have done way more than 60 000 nose jobs before he got wise. He discovered somewhere in the process of bobbing those noses that you could make a woman look like a princess but she’d still feel like a loser.

So Maltz decided that the problem was self image. That’s when he made the switch from plastic surgery to pop psychology! He decided that what you had to do to make people whole healthy and successful was to do some reconstructive surgery on their self image. Then you could crack out winners as if by assembly line. He called it working on the person from the circumference in, instead of from the center out! So you can tell it was invented by a plastic surgeon. In a way you could say that he invented the make over – which is what self help has become (though that’s not a 64 000 question, or at least I ain’t gonna get anything for that answer!).

hear now!

Here now is an audio of the book that made Maltz an obscure household name. So set your servo mechanism towards personal growth and tune into Psycho-cybernetics! Your self image will thank you for it! Actually it won’t. That shallow selfish nob will move on and lose your phone number!
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Hello Larry Taylor was not only one of Hollywood’s true movie stars; She got around. She married Eddie Fischer just months before she ran off to do Cleopatra with Richard Burton. Eddie – like poor Nick Lacey with Jessica, had no idea what was what until Richie and Lizzie were exchanged expensive stones and other more personal forget me nots, By the time the show was over Liz decided that she wanted a Greek Hero, even if that mean a Welsh actor playing a Roman. So there was no room for a little Jewish singer in her life.

Now that’s fine and well. People expected Taylor to run around like a cat with liniment on her arse, except that in this case the was a twist. Lizzie had stolen Fischer away from Tanny. Now Tammy was the wholesome Mountain Dew Elli May Clampett time who innocence appealed to horny adolescent boys. Innocence was a big part of her appeal. So when Taylor – who was the vamp of the day – moved in for the kill. Spectators viewed it as something a wolf goring Bambie in one of those morbid Disney films,

To put it in modern perspective – it was the same as when Angelina Jolie stole Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston. People decided that she’d gone a little too far – but since she was an oversexed bitch that they couldn’t blame her as long as she meant it. So Eddie and Lizzie lived it up for a few mothers and then Lizzie’s hot sexy bitch instincts took over.

As mentioned she went off to do Cleopatra with Richard Burton. Burton played Marc Anthony – a proud, intelligent brave; and even more than that – the last of the Greek Heroes. Lizzie as Cleopatra had to seduce Marc -Ricard Anthony, because they’re passionate doomed love affair formed the basis of the story. That meant that Richie and Lizzie had to do plenty of scripted sexy time pulls lots of emotionally charged scenes! soon it was bye-bye Tammy.

There’s been a lot of talk about who was to blame int his. Tammy was the beloved image of innocent youth, and Liz was the voracious man eating vagina dentata. Since those were the parts that they were supposed to play then no one could really blame Lizzie too much. It didn’t go down well and the vox populi (they phrase vox populi is handier than “they” since interlocutors will then get cute and asked you who “they” are. Now one will defy the vox populi.), who decided that she’d get a pass if Lizze was serious. That was the Brad Angelina Jennifer scenario of their day.

Well Lizzie buggered that up by dropping Fischer like a hot potato when she went after Burton. Liz had that Jolie” I do what ever the hell I want because I’m a wild crazy fuck!‘ attitude. So she may not have been well aware of the seriousness of the situation when she embarked on her affair wit Burton. When she dropped him after a few months to go after Burton – the public turned and never quite forgave her.

That’s a paralleled to today’s Bragelinsten arrangement to – where the public has decided they’ll let jolie get way with this, but they can’t expect anymore from them just because she’s hers. So her picture shave flopped even though Anstion has a steady A List career. Jolie may be shying away from dropping Pitt because she’s afraid of a little of the Hollywood voodoo that hit Lizzie, in the form of failed career, ruined looks, failing health, etc. She needn’t worry in this case because the American public is now aiting for the opposite result and are earnestly hoping that Jolie will drop her Mattell Ken Doll, and go back to the half schizophrenic potential serial killer that they fell in lover with that (Shame that no one ever explained that to Jolie).

Anyway this brings us back to the living Legend Elizabeth Taylor. After ditching Eddie and irking the American Movie Public her life started to go down hill. I don’t know whether that was coincidence or the will of the movie gods, but her life started to get screwed up. She started playing tramps in films. She started to gain weight and lose her special appeal. She also rebounded off of Richard Burton and to an American politician which proved to be the worst marriage of her life. In fact she never totally took off the weight she gained during that unhappy union.

That left Liz in her post motion picture carer. Since she had some charisma she got by. She appeared in Dynasty, she designed a few perfumes, she may ever have done a few cartoon voice overs (she was considered for a voice in the Flintstones with John Goodman). You might say that Taylor’s career was heading in a direction that so many and event he most famous careers go – straight in to the crapper!

Taylor has one way of getting into the media again and aging. She just kept marrying and divorcing, This was once again either a case of Taylor’s flagrant disreguard of the unwritten rules of Hollywood – or that her twat was too hot to stop. So she went on her well know post movie star career as a serial marrier. IN fact the roster of Lizzie’s conquest is listed below and are as follows:


Taylor has been married eight times to seven husbands:

  • Conrad “Nicky” Hilton (6 May 1950 – 29 January 1951) (divorced)
  • Michael Wilding (21 February 1952 – 26 January 1957) (divorced)
  • Michael Todd (2 February 1957 – 22 March 1958) (widowed)
  • Eddie Fisher (12 May 1959 – 6 March 1964) (divorced)
  • Richard Burton (15 March 1964 – 26 June 1974) (divorced)
  • Richard Burton (10 October 1975 – 29 July 1976) (divorced)
  • Note: between 1975 and 1976, Taylor was the “companion” to the Iranian ambassador to Washington, Ardeshir Zahedi. They were dubbed “the hottest couple”, and both divorced their significant others during their relationship. Taylor even traveled with him to Tehran for a time. Shah Reza Pahlavi convinced Zahedi to end his relationship with Taylor.
  • John Warner (4 December 1976 – 7 November 1982) (divorced)
  • Larry Fortensky (6 October 1991 – 31 October 1996) (divorced)

You should notice two things right away: 1.marrying Conrad Nickey Hilton gives her a Paris Hilton connection; 2, she’s been married 8 times over the past 45 years! That’s an enormous amount of emotional baggage to carry around with you! Now where you’ve got that much karma following in your track and waiting for an inconvenient moment to pounce, then it’s only a matter of time before something very inconvenient lands on you.

In this case inconvenient comes in the form of Larry Fortensky. Now if you’ll recall Liz meet Larry when they were both banged up in the Betty Ford Center – America being what it is the Betty Ford Clinic draws a real cross section of America society from washed up teen pop singers to laid of steel workers. Drugs are a great equalizer. Anyway Lizzie & Larry hit it off and next thing you know and as quick as a wink, the former Hollywood sex goddess is hitched up with a recovering alcoholic unemployed bricklayer. Just call him the original Kevin Federline.

They seemed to get along for a while. Larry doted on Liz constantly & following her around with shawls that he could suddenly toss them over her if a paparazzi was spotted lurking int he bushes. This was supposed to present the image of Larry as a caring husband, rather than what everyone thought that he was. What they thought he was is what you would think of the 40 year old man who goes after a 70+ woman with millions of dollars. Apart from dubious media stunts the pair actually seemed to get along and Larry seemed to know his place.

Now this kind of celebrity hook ups almost never ever last unless you’re James Garner or something. So naturally the Larry & Lizzie arrangement started growing apart. They divorced and Larry got a very a generous settlement (ever get the impression that Liz doesn’t kid herself?), They went their separate ways, Larry to what ever nice blue collar home that struck his fancy, and Liz to other male companions who could give her what she needed in her declining years.

Now the thing abut these amicable split ups is that they’re like dormant volcanoes waiting to erupt with destructive fury at any moment and without warning. That’s what happened to Liz later over that last man she ever married – Larry Fortensky. Seem that Lucky Larry ran into some fiduciary problems.

Now these fiduciary problems of the third degree.Mainly Larry is in default on some major loans and now is in danger of losing his home. So he’s sent out the SOS to his sugar mommy to cut him a check and keep a roof over his head, Hitting up the ex to keep you in your new home might sound like a helluva nerve – especially when too was already taken care of – except that Liz has steeped in and done this kind of thing before.

In fact Liz has repeatedly bailed Larry out of one financial jam after another. One fo the most serious was after Larry seriously injured himself falling down the stairs drunk, and was never able to do an honest days work after! Liz paid up his mortgage and then chipped in which some living money.

Once again Larry is in arrears. Since that his house has been foreclosed on. Unless he gets some immediate help, he’s gonna be out on the street. Once again he’s turned to old reliable except hat this time there’s a twist. Liz is in very frail health. By frail think Mr. Burns from the Simpsons before his regular morning defibrillation. So Lizzie isn’t actually non compete memphis to go writing out checks to some dead beat she used to screw 20 years ago when she was emotional vulnerable. So this looks like Larry might have to make it on his own. Give him the benefit of the doubt though, if he can hook up with Taylor at Betty Ford, then he jut might have what it takes to jump start his career with a spot on Celebrity Rehab, & if not that then Dancing With The Stars!


Money Never Sleeps & Marriage Comes Back To Haunt You

Happy ever after in the market place

Money and marriage seem to go together like love & marriage in the movies. Why not since we are living in the real world, or at least the material one. So naturally when folks get hitched up money issues get highlighted. That’s why the legal profession thought up the pre nup as a form of marriage insurance. Now a famous Hollywood ex wife is helping the law talking guys dream up some new precedents that could impact the way movies get made, for better or for worse.

Deandre Douglas is the ex wife of Michael Douglas. She was his wife back when he had a booming movie career instead of cancer. They split up some where along the way and the usual financial arrangements got made. Deandre went away quietly and Michael went off with a woman who’s seldom quiet. That’s Happily Ever After on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams.

Fast forward several years. Michael is still hitched up to Catherine Zeta Jones. He’s also make a motion picture come back with Wall Street 2 – Money Never Sleeps. The sequel is an idea you can bank on in Tinsel Town cause it’s like betting on success. The people who enjoyed you’re previous work will probably come out to see you “to be continued” stuff. That is unless you got drunk, went nuts, and turned racist or something. Then forget about it. Your celebrity career will consist of nothing but beating up your Russian girlfriend and getting your mug shot taken. But enough about Andy Dick.

Wall Street 2 did pretty good because Michael Douglas is a very talented actor director producer screen writer etc. That’s just the stuff he takes credit for and not including writing the musical score and working out some snappy choreography that unfortunately never made it in. Plus he’s a nice guy by Hollywood standards, which translates into not usually a jerk in man in the street terms. So the flick made some money.

That’s where Deandre comes in, and out of the wood work. She’s suing mike for a piece of the action. “Didn’t she get paid off already?” many of you might be asking. Sure she did. Mike might be a strong willed sex addicted ego maniac but he’s not a stinge. Then why is she coming back dogging an ill man? Well as usual there’s a catch.

the better half better have!

According to divorce law when a couple splits the better half is entitled to everything the more valuable half earned during their years together. Mike & Didi split up years ago and back when Catherine Zeta was a mere 40 year old slip of a thing. However Wall Street 2 is the sequel to a movie made when Mike was with Didi. So she’s arguing that this is a continuation of the first film. So it’s covered by community property. So she should get half of Michael’s take from the flick.

It’s an interesting legal argument that might have some basis. The idea is that this is a totally separate project. The reality is that this plays on some past work. A good portion of the film’s success comes from people having enjoyed the previous film. Deandre is entitled to her share from the original, so she has an argument for a piece of this. Whether her lawyers can get a judge to agree with that is a matter for the courts.

This is where the story gets interesting. Hollywood has been running out of good ideas ever since American writers stopped doing good novels and Andrew Lloyd Weber killed Broadway. With the usual sources of good ideas gone that makes sequels an important source of new screenplay material. So tons of these things get made. Most of them aren’t as watchable as anything Michael Douglas might do.

Now it’s no secret that almost everyone in Hollywood is as into serial marriage as they are into making sequels. It’s also common knowledge that divorces cost the big players a bundle. Steven Spielberg got taken for half his net worth when Amy Irving cut him loose. That was about 100 million at the time. Pre nups were supposed to provide the big boys with some kind of coverage. However if this goes through and sets precedent then no one’s safe anymore. That means every time some one pumps out some sequel from some thing done tens years or so ago, then the ex and her jackals could come out of the wood work to open old wounds. Since no one wants that this means the death of the sequel!

Since sequels are totally over done and an excuse to get good money out of bad films, it might be worth rooting for Deandre. She could be the woman who kills the sequel. Id f she can pull that off then she’ll have changed the way that movies get made. No more resting on past laurels. That can only be good for the industry. Just think of a film industry with no more sequels. So they can get on to making other kinds of flicks. Like stuff based on comic books, video games, and classic TV series. So you go girl!


Jesse James threatens to write book – anti climax expected!

running out of tiger blood!

After taking a few days off to mourn Charlie Sheen’s gradual return to sanity – God that man came up with some interesting shit! – I’m back to dish, though with much less inspiring shit to work with. For those of you afraid that it has something to do with Justin Bieber’s hair, or Kim Kardashian revealing she has had silicone injections but won’t say where, don’t worry. I can offer livelier fare, but it ain’t much liver.

who’s who

Today’s offering involves a gal more sympathetic than Jennifer Aniston. IN fact she’s only slightly less sympathetic than Rihanna! This chick would be none other than America’s Sweetheart – well one of ’em anyway. The whole America’s Sweetheart deal is kind of like the Heavy Weight Boxing Championship: there’s about a half dozen belts on the go and the public has lost interest. She’s also one of the reining Queens of Romcoms; I guess that’s kind of like the Heavyweight Sweetheart deal. Anyway it’s not Katherine Heigl, but poor humiliated Sandy Bullock.

if you can’t find fresh freaks then send in the clowns

If you’ll recall about a little over a year ago Sandy was on top of the world. She had a blockbuster film career, a skeezy tattooed husband with a pick up truck for the kind of ‘real people‘ credibility Angelina Jolie hasn’t had since she stopped wearing billy Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck, real affection from the movie going public, oh yeah and she had that Oscar in her hot little hand too. It looked like everything was coming up Sandy, until the shit hit the fan.


The shit hit the fan in the form of her husband’s sleazy mistress Michelle Magee. Magee was nicknamed Bombshell – at least that was her working name, and she was the sort of greasy bitch that Tiger Woods wouldn’t have touched with a shitty stick wrapped in an asbestos condom. Not unless he was on his usual Ambien & Viagra cocktail anyway. What Bombshell worked at was stripping and posing for fetish websites. By fetish think vomit and dog shit. It’s all about what don’t wash out! So the chick had a serious career she was working on, with white power and home wrecking as a sideline. All work and no play will leave people asking “why is there stale vomit in your hair?

Vanilla Gorilla makes a monkey out of Bullock!

The shit couldn’t have hit the fan at a worse time either, since as I mentioned people had just watched Sandy pick up her shiny chrome celebrity validation award in a highly televised ceremony. Sandy had been waiting for this moment for a very long time – ever since she wanted to be an actress when she grew up – so she made a big deal out of it. Unfortunately she made a big deal out of the Vanilla Gorilla too. She made some public comments about how real he was, how he’d made her more real, and how he was charming the pants off of Morgan Freeman (although hopefully not with some cooked up scheme that involved getting him to bend over!). In short she said he’d made a Hollywood actress a better person – which is no small feat. Then it got too real.

who’s Ricky Gervias?

Hot on the heels of this all these scuzzy photos of Bombshell licking dog vomit up in her under wear while baring her swastika tattoos to the world came up. Apart from maybe Mel Gibson no one was impressed. It made Sandy look lower than all those mentioned at the intro of the last Golden Globes (almost forgot about that since Charlie Sheen’s wild over the top media blow out didn’t you?). The difference was that this shit actually stuck, and for days and days after. What was sticking was a question: If Jesse was really a bad piece of shit, like we’re finding out; and he was really the most important person in Sandy’s life, like she said; then how could she not know about any of this nazi shit? Something smelled rotten, and it wasn’t just the leftovers from some fetish sex orgy; though that might have been part of it.

there’s more to outrage than pretty pretty dresses

Well then if this question has been plaguing your mind, then you’re as socially aware and conscious as Natalie Portman on a pre Oscar clothing spree. So you might also be interested to know that Vanilla Gorilla has a new book coming out. Normally no one would dignify that book with the purchase price. They’d simply wait for the National Enquirer to give them the gist of it, or borrow it from the public library. However this time there’s a very good reason to put our high minded outrage aside and indulge our morbid curiosity. The reason is that Jesse addresses the Sandy question.


According to Jesse in his new book Sandy probably had no idea about his fringe interests in nazism and fetish sex. For one thing she was never really that interested in any part of his life. That included their time in bed together. Jesse claims that bed with Sandy involved books, newspapers, scripts – the kind of shit grease monkeys with Hitler tattoos hate, and as much as 6 dogs. The dogs didn’t even figure in the way he liked either – they were lying affectionately at the foot of the bed, instead of licking fresh maggots out of her vagina! Now Jesse hasn’t come right out and said that she drove him into the arms of sex offenders because she was too damned boring in bed. Gentleman Jesse just left that to be inferred. However some are saying that he has come right straight out and implied that the ex is a lesbian or something, allegedly! Here’s some excerpts of what he did say.

“Jesse would always say that Sandra went to bed with a book or script and five or six of their dogs, leaving little room for him in bed and no chance to have sex,” the source said.

“He also told friend that he and Sandra had zero physical attraction, and they hadn’t had sex for months before they split. Sandra is on edge because Jesse could justify his cheating by creating the false impression that she withheld sex from him or is a lesbian.”

Publishing insiders say that Jesse’s book royalties are tied to how much he reveals about Sandra. She’s agonizing over the possibility that Jesse will spill heartbreaking details of her failure to conceive, and even accuse her of condoning his Nazi fascination.

“Jesse owns a large collection of Nazi memorabilia, including a surfboard with a life-size Hitler doing the Nazi salute that he kept in his office at the garage. He also had swastikas, helmets and Nazi uniforms at the home he shared with Sandra. While Sandra wasn’t a fan of his Nazi stuff, did she turn a blind eye to it? If Jesse tells the world she was OK with his collection, that could come back to haunt her, especially since her late mother was German.”

put the titillate back in tittle tattle!

So that should clear everything up, unless it makes everything a lot more confusing. That’s the problem with tell alls, especially when they tell you nothing. I say if you’re gonna tittle tattle than have the guts and basic honesty to rat out the bastards like a mafia fink trying to get into the witness protection program! That means all bets off, no holds barred, and the Marquis of Queensbury rule book gets tossed right out the window! If not, then don’t waste everyone’s time by getting their hopes up and then pussy footing around ’cause your lawyer told you to be careful and Bullock’s business a manger said “don’t worry something can be worked out!” You’re just taking precious work away from Andrew Morton. At least Jesse’s people are still making some noises about a possible Jesse James ‘alleged‘ sex tape. Though it should be said that the alleged tape doesn’t involve Sandra Bullock, but Miss Tila Tequila and a German Sheppard named Shitler! That ought fill some attention in the post Charlie Sheen celebrity outrage vacuum!


Hollywood Heartbreak Hotel

sex couple splits there is a strange alignment of planets or some one’s text message got loose because there’s a slew of high profile celebrity bust ups. First off Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds. They got married about a couple of years back. They hooked up back in the heady days of Obamamania. That was an optimistic time and people may have been more inclined to take chances. Well Obamamania is over and so are the Reynolds-Johanssons.

The couple have issued the standard press release in which they wish each other well, claim that they are still friends, and refuse to blame each other for the bust up. Now the split must’ve been a bad one if they feel the need to put a good face on it like that. Some gossip sites are claiming that they’ve been busted up for the past 6 months. Maybe Ryan decided to enjoy his Sexiest Man Alive status.

Insiders say that it was Scarlett who initiated the split. Apparently she’s been unhappy in the relationship for awhile (it couldn’t have been that long because the marriage hasn’t lasted that long). AS for Ryan, he’s seeking comfort with his ex. Ryan’s people are quick to emphasis that comfort doesn’t mean in a sexual way. There’s still a divorce proceeding going on and who would want it to shift from irreconcilable difference to alienation of affection or even adultery.

Hurley loses another one and Scary ain’t the only pair of love birds to fly into that great high rise window known as divorce. Elizabeth Hurley has filed for divorce from her significant other Arun Nayar. Hurley has had a colorful past, maybe even more so than her former main man Hugh Grant. Back in the days when they were still together Liz cheated on Hugh with her Passenger 57 co star Tom Sizemore.

Sizemore was a talented actor but is better known today as a drug addict, occasional Celebrity Rehab guest, and frequent mention in gossip and crime columns. Sizemore is heavy drug user and looks skeevy, so who knows what kind of diseases she risked by hooking up with him. AS for Sizemore, he admits he did Hurley, but only as a way of putting Grant in his place. He said in an interview that while he was doing Hurley he kept picturing Grant’s “smug handsome face“. Now he’s probably not the first guy to picture some one else while plugging Hurley’s bung hole, but that borders on latent homosexuality.

So they went their separate ways: Grant to a $40 dollar blow job and mug shot, Hurley to Arun. She came to that marriage with a rep, and bill of health, only slightly better than Paris Hilton. Arun’s family is very well off so naturally they were less than thrilled about Hurley as an addition to the family. Arun’s mom took the news almost as badly as Danny Moder’s mom when she learned that her son was doing Julia Roberts. Arun’s father disowned him. Since Arun worked in the family business and lived on the family estate, this cramped his style. There’s a good woman behind every successful man! Well that thing has run it’s course with the announcement that the Hurley-Nayar marriage has gone tits up. It had a good reason for going tits up too – Hurley is allegedly cheating with Aussie cricketer Shane Warne. For those unfamiliar with Warne he looks like a big meatball with spiky blond hair and an orange rub on tan. Think of him as a grown up Bart Simpson on steroids! So it’s lucky for Hurley that she managed to bag him before Katie Jordan Price snapped him up. Liz has her hooks firmly in though – it’s been reported that the odd couple spent the night together in London’s Bently Hotel! The good news is that Nayar can now move out of the dog house and back into the family home!

Wonder Woman dumped?

That brings us to Megan Gale and Andy Lee. They’re kind of a big deal Downunder. Megan was almost a big deal all over, since she was cast to play Wonder Woman in a now defunct film project that also was to feature Common as Green Lantern. Apart from that she was best known as a runway model and David Jones spokesperson, until Miranda Kerr got her job. Not that Miranda edged her out. Megan quit convinced that Wonder Woman was gonna be her ticket to movie stardom. Everyone assured her that the project was a go and Megan being unfamiliar with movie people believed them. That was very naive of her. It alos left her at loose ends.

Without much in the way of a career Gale started her own fashion line – Isola. She also got sued over the name since it was similar to another fashion design firm. When she wasn’t designing bikini’s she was a regular guest host on her boyfriend’s popular radio show Hamish & Andy Lee. So you could say that she was in a slump.

It gets worse. Megan is currently about 33. That’s not only past your best before date as a fashion model (but don’t get me wrong because Gale is till unbelievably gorgeous), but it’s running into overtime with your biological clock. Gale made some noise about reproducing, but Andy made more noises about being happy with the current arrangement. So Andy kept grinning as Gale’s facial features kept contracting into a tight little knot at the center of her face. Eventually the inevitable happened and Megan cut Lee loose. They made some public statements about still being the best of ‘mates‘, and even cracked wise about Megan being seen kissing Liz Hurley in a glass elevator. It’s a relief to know that’s a joke since Gale can do way better!

When Dexter gets messy, he gets seriously messy

That brings us to another 2 year bust up. Dexter star Michael C Hall has split from his wife Dexter co star Jennifer Carpenter. They seemed like a good match since they’re both Southerners and serious television actors. When Hall got cancer Carpenter nursed him through his illness much the way Loni Anderson nursed Burt Reynolds through his health issues. That had some commenting that Carpenter was a keeper.

Hall wasn’t to keep her long. Rumors started circulating about some awful fights between the couple on the Dexter set. The fights supposedly pertained to Hall’s supposed cheating with Julia Stiles. So there’s a kick in the pants for everyone who still insisted that Hall was a closeted gay. Some reports have Dexter doing Stile since October. Lainey says:

I mentioned yesterday that there are a few more details about one of the recent splits announced in Hollywood this week. Turns out there was someone else: his love interest this season on his tv show. Their chemistry was so crazy and so evident to everyone that writer and producers, seeing it play out on set, actually cranked up their sex scenes to capture it for show. Her career has seen a resurgence since.

Eventually the two fell in love. They were together, very close, at a Halloween party in New York this fall hosted by a famously controversial writer (this isn’t a super important detail) and those who observed them that night are not surprised now that he’s ended it with his wife.

So that has everyone speculating on the future of the series. In particular it has everyone speculating about Carpenter’s future with the series. Things are so tense between the estranged couple now that it’s practically impossible for them to work together. So if the series is to survive then some one has to go. Since it’s unlikely to be Hall, it looks like Carpenter’s character Deb Morgan may not survive this season. Just another example of how fucking in the work place can be such a bad career move. It’s also an example of how looks and money aren’t the answer to life.


Erin Barry is spicy, Google search spicy!

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are in the middle of an on again off again divorce. That’s a kind of sarcastic way of putting it so let’s just say that they’ve had an eventful week. At the week’s start there was a rumour going around that the power couple were decoupling in the form of a high powered celebrity divorce. After that tidbit had been circulating through the grape vine for 24 hours or do Eva people released an official statement that the rumours were bullshit. She and Tony were happier than ever and nobody had no plans about going no where. That brings us up to mid week. Now, with the week running out, it seems like there’s some confirmation on the Longoria-Parker bust up rumours.

The confirmation comes in the form of a young woman named Erin Barry. She’s the wife of a former Spurs teammate of Parker’s – Brent Barry. Apart from a Spurs connection the pair have something else in common too – text messages. There are 100’s of ’em if the scuttlebutt is to be believed. They came to light in the worst possible Tiger Woods type way too. Eva found ’em. With that Eva went out and filed for divorce. Eva has denied filing for divorce, but such reliable sources as Sports Illustrated are going with the story – unofficially anyway!

Sports Illustrated Bryan Armen Graham tweeted, Have it on good authority from entertainment sources that “former teammate” in Tony Parker-Eva Longoria affair is Brent Barry… Don’t have much else on Parker/Longoria affair. Source did mention Barry and wife are going through a divorce. Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush revealed to his Twitter followers, “We spoke to Erin Barry…Brent Barry’s wife from San Antonio Spurs…she cried and said “No comment”.

This was a particularly stupid thing for Parker to do. For one thing he and Longoria married without benefit of a pre nup. Thatw as a major bone of contention between Eva and her future former mother in law back when she and the Spurs point guard got hitched in Paris a few years back. Tony’s mom thought that a prenup was a must have form of marriage insurance. Her rational: Tony made way more money than Eva. Plus he had better long term prospects. Eva was a TV actress who’s career was uncertain from one TV season to the next, whereas Tony was a world class athlete who could look forward to maybe 10 years in the game. That gave him a earning potential of several dozen times Eva’s.

Eva had a counter argument – they were gonna last forever. For one thing she’s Eva Longoria. So no man could ever possibly leave her. Besides this was her very special day and she didn’t want Tony’s mom fucking up the festivities with her divorce talk. That’s such a downer. So Eva laid down the law in the form of an ultimatum – “You can come to the wedding, but you gotta cut out the prenup talk!” Tony’s mom tried another appeal to reason. Guess who won out?

So that has left our lovebirds working without an net. That’s fine and well, as long as you don’t trip up. With Eva’s career in a terminal down turn, this could be a great time for her to cash in on this divorce thing. You can’t say that the cunning little minx doesn’t know what she’s doing. As for Tony – you should’a listened to your mom! Still it could be worse. Gloria Allred could be horning her way into the act!

Read more: Erin Barry, the lady behind divorce of Eva Longoria and Tony Parker |

what’s on in the box?

This has got to be kind of embarrassing. Especially when you’re Eva Longoria and have a certain reputation for sexiness to live up to. It might help to put things into some kind of perspective – like such as it could have been worse. “How could it have been any worse than it is?” you might well ask. I might well ask that myself and I’m an entertainment blogger! Just look at it his way – at least you’re not Contessa Brewer!

“I’m a valedictorian – get me out of here!”

Slimey Hidey Hole

What the hell is going on there?” you might well ask. It would be another excellent question. What’s going on there is Contessa’s coverage of the fall of Saddam Hussein. During the fun and frivolity of Bagdad’s fall Saddam’s hidey hole got discovered by some intrepid journalists. So what with things being as they were some one got the bright idea of getting Brewer to give ti a try. Getting locked in a box rife with a madman’s funky scent just had to be the reason she became a journo in the 1st place (that would explain her time with Don Imus). I can just imagine some mischievous crew man saying out of microphone range “Hey Contessa, he must’ve whacked off plenty while he was in there!” Not like there was much else to do.

let me slip into something uncomfortable

Now the rationale behind that little stunt is obvious. Contessa is one hot babe with a reputation for heart stopping sexiness second only to Eva Longoria’s. So some one probably got the bright idea that the whole story would be far more titillating if Contessa slipped into something more red, and then climbed into the stink box, damsel in distress style. To give Brewer credit she does seem unenthusiastic about the whole deal.

I can only give Ms Brewer the very same advice and consolation that I would to Eva herself – half assed platitudes! It could be worse. Besides Lynda Carter did that stuff all the time back on Wonder Woman. Of course when she got locked in boxes she was usually also bound and gagged. Kudos to Brewer for refusing to take it that far! Then again she was already in Al Capone’s vault territory – so the stunt couldn’t stand going any farther!

So that about clues everything up except for the outstanding question”What possessed Tony Parker to cheat?” He’s got a hot wife and no prenup so if he found himself tempted the right answer should have been obvious – practice gun retention. “Brother get the rocket back in your pocket!” As usual cartoons have a certain insight to share on the human condition, and in this case Tony’s motivation may have been something like this:

So remember to keep on trucking but give the old giggity giggity a rest long enough to come up for air, and to check in on Wondertrash!


Momma Mia

a little tittle tattle Gawker has caught everyone’s attention with a salacious bit of tittle tattle posted earlier today. According to their blind gossip item a major celebrity – barely an A Lister in their words – is a very sick customer. When they say sick they mean well beyond the usual Hollywood standards. This guy isn’t just content with anal sex, or to crap in chicks’ mouths, like the rest of those Walk of Fame perverts. This guy’s into a whole other ball of wax!

Don’t take my word for it. The exact piece posted went like this:

He calls his mates “mom” and sucks his thumb after sex. This famous ladies’ man’s girlfriend got knocked up to snag him and this pregnant celeb is having a test tube baby. Everyone has mommy issues!

1. “According to an ex-girlfriend of this A list movie actor (barely A list by the way), our actor likes to call the person he is having sex with, “mom” and also sucks his thumb after sex. Can you say disturbing?” [CDaN]

Man that’s some awful stuff! Though we might have expected this kind of stuff from Ronald & Nancy Reagan, we expect something more dangerous and exotic from our professional actors! Strangely not many people are asking who it could be. It’s as if folks already have some pretty strong ideas about who the Hollywood Mama’s Boy might be. Now Hollywood is spoiled for choice when it comes to selecting among deviants, however there’s just one name that shoots ahead of the rest when it comes to these sort of shenanigans.

The name of course is David Arquette and he was vocal on Howard Stern’s Sirius Radio about the mommy angle in his Courtney Cox relationship. He told Howie that Courts dumped him because she was tired of being his “Mommy“. Now we all took that to be figurative. You know the sort of thing; Dave was an immature and irresponsible oaf – like Homer Simpson – and Courts got tired of playing Marge. However as the following CNN video confirms, he did cry after sex.

No wonder Courtney dumped his sissy ass! That must’ve just gotten way too creepy after awhile. That’s so far beyond creepy that waking up post coitus on Dexter’s dissection table would be a relief in comparison to the crying and thumb sucking. Many people cry after sex, and even during and before. Also sucking is not an unknown occurrence. However what if this points to some kind of deeper issue. There’s a very short step from crying to thumb sucking. So could Mr. Arquette by the Gawker Mystery Weenie? Like we say here @ Wondertrashcelebrities are fucked up people!“. I wonder if Dave made Courtney spank him during sex, and if this sis something he picked up off of Brit Celebs? I hear that they’re all into that shit over there! Why couldn’t he be into normal kinky stuff, like every other pervert not on a sex offenders’ registry?


More Trouble for Michael Douglas

It really hasn’t been a good year for Michael Douglas. First his oldest son Cameron got busted in a major meth trafficking crack down. He got caught in a New York hotel trying to sell about 20 000 in drugs to an undercover cop. That lead to a court date that lead to even more trouble. Cameron’s girlfriend tried to pass him heroin inside an electric toothbrush in open court. She got caught and that didn’t do anything for young Cameron’s case.

Naturally this preyed on Michael’s mind. He’d attempted to straighten the kid out with the tough love approach. He had cut the kid off financially. As a Hollywood brat Cameron wasn’t really qualified to do anything, except work in films or deal dope. Since Michael had put the kibosh on any film work it was down to dope dealing. So of course Michael felt personally responsible for his son’s misfortune. Perhaps that’s why the actor recently developed throat cancer.

While Michael was trying to deal with his son’s incarceration and his own illness his ex wife Diandra came out of the wood work. Mike and Diandra had been married for about 23 years. They divorced about 10 years back when Michael got hooked up with Catherine Zeta Jones. The divorce was fairly amicable, with Mike and Diandra agreeing on a split up of everything that he’d earned while they were together. The fine print included any future earnings from projects he’d worked on during their time together. The fine print paid off for Diandra. She earned about 6 million last year out of that.

The fine print didn’t work out do well for Mike. He’s recently released Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps. Since it’s a Wall Street sequel and Mike did Wall Street while he was with Diandra, she thinks that she’s entitled to a piece of the action. So her lawyers are suing Douglas for some of the proceeds.

Mike doesn’t want to take this lying down. So he’s had his lawyers contest this, and issue a public statement calling Diandra a greedy woman who won’t let him live in peace. Diandra’s people have responded, claiming in their own press release that it’s exactly the opposite – not that Diandra isn’t greedy, but that Michael isn’t living up to his obligations.

So it’s kind of ironic that this brouhaha has developed over a money film. It couldn’t have happen at a worse time either, since Douglas really needs the peace and quiet to deal with his health, and family, issues. So what can you say, except money never sleeps, trouble never stops, and there’s no rest for the weary.

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