Hollywood Bruiseology

“Everything’s Wrong”

Some one once said, and it was probably one of those Hollywood producers (they’re the guys who were way too clever to be Wall Street bankers), that “It’s better to have a good idea than a new idea.” So in Hollywood some things are always in fashion because they never ever go out of style – like sexy young women!


“Open City”

Hollywood is the promised land of ego tripping and every year the seekers fight their way there, willing and even eager to pay a dreadful price to become the next flavour of the month. If they’re appetizing enough then they might even become the next Angelina Jolie. That was Megan Fox – before she proved unfit for human consumption. So now she’s in Charlie the Tuna Territory. Is it her sad fate to survive in spite of herself? Watch and see.

“Make the Weather”

The thing about pretty girls is that there are many many more where she came from. The gene pool just keeps churning them out like they’re a dime a dozen. That’s good news for Hollywood since sex sells. So no one is going out of business anytime soon. In fact these days if you’re selling your soul you’re doing it in a buyer’s market! So if you expect to stand out in those cattle calls then you’d better have something special if you want to stand even a snowball’s chance in hell!

“A Girl’s Gotta Do”

Something special ain’t no kind of guarantee – but it does give you a chance. So her are some girls most likely submitted for your approval. Pay close attention and make some mental notes because one of these fair damsels might one day be more than just some Hollywood also ran. Our first fair maiden is Emmanuelle Vaugier, a genuinely beautiful lady that you might have seen in such projects as Lost Girl and Saw 2. She’s the B List lady with the A List looks. She was born and raised in Vancouver, BC – the province with the reputation for hot chicks, & raised in a french speaking family. If classy sexiness got you there then she’d be there already. For now you can see a little more of her ion the following short videos!


So now that you’re in love, or something like it, then it’s time to teach you a lesson; that there’s more than one beautiful woman in show business. Our next offering is an unbelievably hot young woman from Hepburn, Saskatchewan. Her big notable movie role was in Bitchslap but you probably first saw her – without even knowing it – in those Resident Evil video games. That’s cause game programmers used her as the basis for Jill Valentine. IN fact she tired out for the role of JV in RE 5 but didn’t get it. That’s probably because Milla Jovovich “allegedly” fears her, and is afraid to do a scene with a woman just as beautiful as she is, but ten years younger! Her name is Julia Voth and she’s so hot & beautiful that men have been know to break down in tears just at the sight of one of her pictures. Anyone woman can make a man cum, but getting him to weep is taking it to a whole different level! Let’s see if you can pass the cry test with the following short snippets!

If she ever unleashes it – look out!

So as any fool can plainly see the lady’s got it even when she’s caught unawares! In fact many men would gladly cut off their right testicle for a chance at her. Being a gentle Taurus, Julia would probably say “If you want to impress me then try chocolates, wine, flowers, or even some tasteful jewelry – but take the bloody amputated testicles away! They’re disgusting!” She also looks pretty cool in a Wonder Woman costume!


Bad news if you’re not into sensible courting. However is you’re still intent on doing some kind of Van Gogh demonstration of sick, obsessive love then there’s good news; and that is there are more beautiful young starlets in Hollywood.

“Thinking About Sex Again”

Our next one is not only hot but talented too. She’s an artist and the daughter of an artist. When she’s not whipping up some genuinely good pieces she’s making the rounds of the cattle calls and trying to get an in in Tinsel Town. You’ve seen this pretty lady before. In fact if you’re a male between the ages of 24 & 45 then demographically speaking she’s probably the reason why you bought that pack of Tic Tacs. She’s Kate Kelton and is better known as the first non blonde Tic Tac chick, and still the most popular!

This might be one of those unsubstantiated Internet rumors but I hear that the people at Wildmind Animations based their Erin Esurance on a cross between Tic Tac Chick and Gabrielle ” Lt. Gay Ellis” Drake from the old UFO Sci Fi series!

So now that you’ve got a hankering for something minty fresh open your other eye,cause Kate also looks nifty in a Wonder Woman outfit!


I’d hate to be the one responsible for getting anyone addicted to Tic Tacs, so here are some distractions. When it comes to distractions no one on earth is more distracting than Daniella van Graas. In fact she’s bullet proof bracelets and an invisible plane away from being Wonder Woman. This Dutch treat was in All My Children and did some walk ons in plenty of movies. Then she got the female supporting lead in Perfect Stranger, with Halle Berry and Bruce Willis. She was the one you were lookin’ at when you were supposed to be lookin’ at Halle. Her current alter ego is as the Aveeno Woman in the face cream commercials and here’s a closer look!

“They’re All Out of Liquor, Let’s Find Another Party”

Now most of you readers of the male persuasion must be in a hot & bothered lather! Confronted with so many lovely ladies you may not be sure which way to turn, and only wish that you could have them all. That means it’s time for a patented Wondertrash dose of reality – in the form of a classic music video. So while you’re having your grubby little dreams over those pretty pretty ladies, and dreaming about what you might do in a more ideal world, don’t say that no one ever warned you!

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