Bad Grammer

Kelsey Frasier Grammer had been married to Real Housewives Camille Donatacci for 13 and had 2 kids: Jude and Mason. Then their marriage exploded in allegations of cheating and cross dressing. The cheating allegations proved true, we can only guess about the cross dressing.

We know that the cheating stories were true because Kelsey side piece came out fo the wood work claiming to be knocked up by the TV star. The sides piece was a British airline hostess fresh from the friendly skies and named Kayte Walsh. She was 30 and Grammer was 56.

Kayte miscarried, but Frasier claimed that he wanted to marry the woman anyway, causing some to wonder whether he had alcohol related brain damage or something. So some nuptials got planned. Before they could get followed through on a divorce had to be planned – it’s just like a fairy tale! So Frasier and the missus went at it. Housewives fan saw that play pout on Camille’s reality TV show!

Lawyers were hired and blame was assigned. It could’ve dragged on and on and on, but Kelsey was eager for the beaver, so he coughed up 50 mill to get it over and done with quickly, if not painlessly. The ideas was that Camille would take the hefty windfall and go off to do what ever Hollywood ex wives do: live happily ever after in a wold of plastic surgery, colonic therapy, and New Age self exploration. Maybe she’d write a book about reinventing herself.

This is where the hangover starts. Seems that Kelsey’s plans to get everything clued up quick hit a snag when he and Camille started bickering over the kids. According to Camille, who has given her side to the National Enquirer, she was only too happy to share joint custody with Kelsey. But then Grammer got greedy and demanded total sole custody of the kids. That would’ve cut Mom out of the picture. So the pair went to war – funny how unavoidable war is even in our present enlightened age. Must be a human nature thing I guess.

According to Camille Grammar has no right to full custody. After all he’s the one who selfishness ruined his marriage by knocking up a stewardess. That left the children confused and traumatized. He abandoned his parental rights when he abandoned his parental duties, and you can’t have it both ways, even if you’re Dr Frasier Crane!

Frasier did some other bad suff to. Frasier has been introducing the kids to the new Mrs Grammar. That’s awkward but unavoidable. However something he might have avoided doing was introducing her to the kids as “your other mother”. I guess that makes Camille “the starter mom”. Naturally Camille saw red, hit the roof, and then went ballistic, after hearing about Kelsey’s grammar! Now any farm boy fresh off the back of the pick up could’a told him that was a bad idea. Maybe he was being spiteful. You know how adversity brings out the best in people, unless adversity is a divorce, in which case the devil might go running for shelter.

“Just say ‘yes!’ – If we can separate image from self, then we can get rid of awareness, and that will make reality obsolete!”

Kelsey Grammar’s sleazy antics once again raise the question of “Why do the beautiful people engage in self destructive behavior?” That’s a question at least as old as the self help movement. So we can date it as far back as the 60’s. It’s lead to the whole self awareness movement, which evolved into New Age, and eventually Oprah Winfrey! Now self awareness is a long involved process and that takes both time and effort. Why make a long haul commitment when you can fly now and pay later? That’s the $64 000 question that helped self help evolve into what it’s become today – what ever that is.

Now it shouldn’t surprise you to know that the whole self help movement was invented back in the early 60’s by a plastic surgeon named Maxwell Maltz. He’s reputed to have done way more than 60 000 nose jobs before he got wise. He discovered somewhere in the process of bobbing those noses that you could make a woman look like a princess but she’d still feel like a loser.

So Maltz decided that the problem was self image. That’s when he made the switch from plastic surgery to pop psychology! He decided that what you had to do to make people whole healthy and successful was to do some reconstructive surgery on their self image. Then you could crack out winners as if by assembly line. He called it working on the person from the circumference in, instead of from the center out! So you can tell it was invented by a plastic surgeon. In a way you could say that he invented the make over – which is what self help has become (though that’s not a 64 000 question, or at least I ain’t gonna get anything for that answer!).

hear now!

Here now is an audio of the book that made Maltz an obscure household name. So set your servo mechanism towards personal growth and tune into Psycho-cybernetics! Your self image will thank you for it! Actually it won’t. That shallow selfish nob will move on and lose your phone number!
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Kathy Lee Gifford is still mad

It has been recently revealed that Regis Philbin has decided to follow Larry King into retirement. This supposedly follows a decision by his producers to cut his salary if he decided to stay on. Regis took that as a slap in the face and walked. Someone who knows a thing or two about face slaps Regis’ ex partner Kathy Lee Gifford.

Regis & Kathy Lee started out as a local New York morning chat show. They quickly became the biggest deal in their market. Then the show got syndicated and went national. They rest of the nation decided they liked the pair as much as New York, and their friendly animosity routine took them to TV stardom.That’s when things started taking a bad turn for Kathy.

She got involved in some scandals – like her husband getting caught taking a hooker to a hotel room. Kathy carried on like she had the perfect marriage (and sort of originated the Elizabeth Hasselback routine, you know “I couldn’t decide whether to decorate my new living room in pink or dusty rose, so I let hubby decide. I think we’re gonna have an NFL theme! I should’ve asked Angie Harmon for advice instead.“). So the cheating kid of deflated the whole Stepford Wife image. Things only got worse when Kath was linked to some kind of New York sweat shop. Her name became mud. So Regis cut her loose. Those are the times when you find out who your friends are.

Kathy had good reason to remember that friendship too. As Regis broke in the newer younger Kathy Lee, in the form of soap opera actress Kelly Ripa, Lee’s career went into a downward spiral. A sitcom she’d planned fell through. Some musicals she’d written never got anywhere near Broadway. Oh yeah, and she did an album that went nowhere. Eventually she had to take work as and entertainment corespondent with Pat O Brien’s show. Now once did Regis ever lend his support to the woman who helped him make it to the top, and that had Kathy Lee telling anyone who would listen that “Regis betrayed me!

The people she was telling were notables like Martha Stewart. Kathy confided to Stewart that she would’ve loved to have been invited back to the show, perhaps on some kind of regular guest host ticket. Lee went on to tell Stewart that it would only happen “when hell freezes over“. What set that off was Regis’ New Years Eve gig with FOX back in 05. Kathy was hoping to get picked up for that, but Regis once again went with a younger woman -weather girl Jillian Barberie. That brought the bad blood, which had been simmering for awhile, to the boil.

Kathy is boiling again. It’s not that she expects any help from Regis. She’s found her way back onto daytime TV, with her Today Show gig opposite Hoda Koth. It’s Regis retirement plans that have her hot under the collar. Now that Regis has some extra time on his hands he’s decided to write his memoirs, for fun and profit. That has Kathy nervous. She and Regis had plenty of fights behind the scenes, and since Regis doesn’t share Gifford’s ideas of loyalty, she’s afraid that the old boy will spill the beans. In fact she’s terrified that he’s gonna vilify her in his new book so that he can come off looking good – or simply to settle old scores. Anyway with Gifford only recently climbing back into the mainstream media, a smear job couldn’t come at a worse time; and that has her reminding everyone off how Regis gave her the shaft.


Celebrity Smack Down #2

Remembrance of things past

Everyone loves a sequel (unless it was that last Indiana Jones flick, in which case even Shia Labouef thought it sucked), and if you liked yesterday’s post then you’re in luck. In the last post I covered how celebrities can sometimes have a touch of loose lips – the kind that Hollywood plastic surgeons can’t tighten. IN fact you might say that one of their favorite yoga postures is “foot in mouth” pose (a shock to those of you who were gonna guess “head up ass“). One of the highest horse power yaps in Tinsel Town belongs to Megan Fox (when I say that her mouth is hi horse power I don’t mean it in the way that they say *wink, wink*). Megan’s mouth is so prolific in silly utterances that it only seemed right to do an entire post on Little Miss Mouthy. Especially since she managed to provoke the very mild ire of Lynda Carter – which is very hard to do (When Lynda begins with “I like her but…” look for the steam shooting out of her ears). Megan is by no means the only celebrity offender with a mouth loaded and ready for action. Take Keith Richards for instance.

side effects

Keith has got a lot of credibility as the heart and soul of the Rolling Stones. He’s also done an ungodly amount of drugs over the years. IN this case too much of a good thing has had side effects. Let’s just say that every so often Keith’s mind wanders and his mouth decides to follow along and see where it goes. Just like the time Keith claimed to have snorted his dead dad’s ashes (unless it was that container of Snalt he left lying around). Then he took it back. Then he took back the take back. He’s said some other stuff too, like Mick Jagger is a stuck up sell out (which is unfair – he’s no Sir Ben Kingsley!). Of course Keith is jealous over Jagger’s knighthood, and has even taken to calling him “Mike” or “Mikey” within earshot and just out of spite. He also said that Johnny Depp looks like a drug dealer – but he didn’t mean anything by that.

Striking out in Sweden

Well for a guy who can dish it out he has some trouble taking it and that has lead to the latest occurrence of Keith Richards Public Outrage Mania! The story started back in 2007 when the Stones were still touring. Back then they were in Sweden. Despite what Jessica Alba may say about the land of Ikea and sex change surgery, one particular Swede was less than neutral about the Stones. Markus Larrson covered the concert and in his review referred tot he band as amateurs. Now that’s a lot kinder than the rest of us who call them washed up years ago – but Keith took exception.

Life & the City of Light

Now you have to watch what you say because even if you trash talk from a discreet distance time & chance can put you face to face with your target. That’s what recently happened when Richards and Larrson met face to face in Paris. Keith was in the City of Light to promote his new autobiography called Life. He made a stop at a hotel to meet and greet some members of the media when lo and behold who should he find himself face to face with but Mr. Larrson.

Gothenberg a go go

At the time of the ’07 Gothenberg concert Richards had been so irate about Larrson’s review (2 out of 5 stars) that he demanded an apology. This time he didn’t recognize Larrson – well not right away anyway. It seems that time,, and years of drug abuse were on Larrson’s side since Richards was chatting amicable with him for about ten minutes before he realized what was what (Keith must be improving. He recently revealed in an interview that Johnny Depp had been dropping by the house for 2 years before he figured out who Edward Scissorhands was. “I thought he was just another drug dealer my son dragged in.” Richards explained).

Don’t worry till you see the blanks of his eyes

When the wheels finally clicked sparks started flying. Richards confronted the Swede angrily. Markus explains, “His eyes got black and he was absolutely furious. He stood up and asked if we would put out the lights and settle the disagreement straight away. At first I was just surprised, I thought he was pulling my leg, but then I realized he was serious and then I felt uncomfortable and I just wanted to get out of there pretty fast. Things didn’t get better after that. Markus then claims that the elderly rocker hit him over the head before telling him “You’re lucky to get out of here alive!!!!!! I assume that Markus added the exclamation marks. Keith doesn’t seem like more than a three exclamation mark dude at most. Still you get the point – hairy situation.

trash talking a two way street

So let that be a lesson to all you trash talkers out there. We all enjoy the good fun of talking smack about others. Especially if they’re famous. Even more so if they’re natural targets (speaking of which it has just been announced that Carrie Prejean is pregnant – so the world can look forward to the first birth of a silicon based life form!). Yet beware. Even if you’re a protected member of the media, and even if you’re safely away in the land of democratic socialism and seasonal affective disorder, your words can find you out and come back to haunt you. Or at the very least hit you over the head.

sorry Charlie

BTW speaking of celebrity trash talk Gloria Allred has opened her big toxic yap again. Now whenever Allred open that maw of her’s it must send off emissions of fallout like Chernobyl. This time the toxic cloud was directed towards Charlie Sheen, and the words were in the form of an open letter (though you have to admire her for putting her pen where her mouth is, it’s also stupid for a lawyer to put anything in writing). The letter was a sort of diatribe calling Sheen out and detailing some of the violent incidents he’s had with women over the years – you know like the time he shot John Travolta’s wife. Here’s the letter:

Dear Charlie,

You did it again. I can almost see the smirk on your face. You were involved in a scandal in New York where you damaged property and your female companion was allegedly so frightened by your conduct that she hid in the bathroom.

The resulting coverage boosted your ratings for your CBS show “Two and a Half Men”. What you did in the hotel room seemed not to faze you any more than your past criminal conduct has.

Yesterday you were quoted on Extra as saying “If a guy has one bad night everybody goes insane and panics. I’m not panicking.” I can understand why you aren’t panicking Charlie. By now, you understand that the mainstream press and the Hollywood press have their own addiction. They are addicted to celebrities and to scandal, and you are one of their favorites.

They love covering what you do, because it is good for their business as well. The fact that you have hurt women in the past and that you present a potential risk to them in the future if you do not get help seems to be of little or no concern to the press.

They either ignore it, gloss over it or minimize it. For example, last Saturday night, CNN aired what they titled “The Charlie Sheen Story”. Nowhere in the broadcast was it mentioned that a criminal case was filed against you in Malibu, CA in 1997 (People v. Sheen, Case #7MA0345) or that in that case, my client, Brittany Ashland, (photo above) alleged that she suffered substantial physical injuries because of you. Nobody mentioned that you pled no contest in that case to one count of battery with serious injuries, Penal Code Section 243D, a misdemeanor. CNN completely failed to state that your sentence was one year suspended jail time, two years probation, $2,800 fine, 300 hours of community service and 8 counseling sessions.

Elsewhere in the media, there was also hardly any mention of that case when reporters discussed your latest scandal. Instead the discussion was about you, your addictions, whether you party with prostitutes, and your ability to continue to work on your hit show. In other words, with rare exception it was all about Charlie, with minimal mention of women you have hurt in the past.

Almost nobody mentioned that in the recent criminal case brought against you in Colorado that you were originally charged with felony conduct against your wife Brooke Meuller. Almost nobody quoted the full quote of one of the responding police officers to your home in Aspen.

Valerie McFarlane (also my client) has stated “I was one of the responding police officers on Christmas day 2009 to the Sheen home in Aspen. During my investigation I interviewed Charlie Sheen’s wife. I also observed her injuries and photographed them for the record. I observed a red mark on the upper part of her neck which appeared to be as a result of a strangulation hold and red marks on her arms. I also saw older bruises that appeared to be in the healing process. A knife was recovered at the scene which Brooke alleged had been used by the defendant to threaten her. Brooke was crying uncontrollably as she described the incident to me.”

In fact, the press barely mentioned that you were convicted of misdemeanor assault on your wife, Brooke Meuller for what you did to her in your home on Christmas Day 2009.

After all, it was only the mother of your children that you assaulted in your home.

Dangerous and criminal conduct against a woman seems not to matter to most press. What really matters to them is Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.

The fact that the court failed to require you to serve any time in custody for your criminal conduct in the case involving the victim Brittany Ashland, and the criminal case involving your wife is not generally considered important enough for serious discussion. Instead there seems to be an almost secret admiration for how you get away without serious consequences for your dangerous criminal conduct.

I was in court in Aspen and noticed the smirk on your face when the court failed to sentence you to jail time. I understood why you smirked. As a celebrity you seemed to get away with what the typical person without money and power cannot. You might also have felt that the criminal justice system as well as most press stands in awe of your celebrity and appears to be seduced by it.

Charlie, I for one am not seduced by it. I don’t think assaulting and hurting women is funny. I am not one of those standing in line hoping for an interview with you, or an autograph.

Instead, I think about women you will meet in the future. Will they be at risk of harm if you do not get help?

I think about your young daughters. What kind of message are they receiving about violent criminal conduct that men like you are permitted to engage in with little or no consequence?

What if men did to them what you have done to women?

You may have a smirk on your face now, but I doubt that you would think that it was funny if your daughters were the victims of criminal acts. At this point, for the sake of your daughters and other people’s daughters I hope you and your enablers (the celebrity press) get help before it is too late.

Gloria Allred
Attorney at Law
November 9, 2010

Allred knows a thing or two about sleazy antics

Some, like the author of Crazy Days & Crazy Nights, have applauded Allred in this instance. However it’s worth remembering that Allred has an even more colourful history than Sheen. She’s currently repping Rachel Uchitel – one of Tiger Woods’ sluts, she may or may not have represented one of Charlie’s many many abused exs, and she started her career of infamy by launching a gender discrimination suit against the Boyscouts of America. Basically she’s Hollywood’s version of an ambulance chaser. It seems like Allred will do or say anything to get her name in the press – much like Balloon Boy Dad Richard Heene – though it should be pointed out for the sake of possible libel litigation that Gloria Allred has not now, nor has she ever, launched anyone in a balloon – that we know of. Whether or not she’s capable of it is something that I leave to your imaginations. Hey, you guys have been around!

PS Don’t let the trash talk go too far. Remember to mind your language. Who wants to be in need of muzzling?


Salahi’s get sued & Mothers Against Mel Gibson

celebrity gate grashers the salahis get into more legal troubleWhat kind of people are the Salahi’s? Well they’re the kind of people who can get high powered Washington operators like Desiree Rodgers fired. Desiree was the White House social director who got canned after the Salahi’s gate crashed an Obama event. They can also get things heated up on The View. After the White House stunt some View resident liberals (that’s everyone except Elizabeth Hasselbeck – but she might be coming around) made some strong statements like the Salahi’s are criminal and should be locked up. Even though this seems obvious, even without the White House stunt, the Salahi’s took exception and decided to sue. They also claim that Whoopee Goldberg roughed them up, verbally that is.

The Salahi’s are also the kind of folk who can get sued by they former manager Mahogany Jones. The gruesome twosome owe Jones a significant amount of money and that’s let to a law suit of it’s own. That’s also started Mahogany’s tongue wagging. Mahogany describes the Sahali’s as soulless sociopathic grifters who can seem nice at first but who will stop at nothing to get what they want – and what they want is publicity. At least that’s what she told Geraldo:

Now that’s some pretty strong language, especially there towards then end. It seems like the Salahi’s have a way of getting folk hot and bothered. So then it’s unfortunate that they have an insatiable desire of publicity. Maybe they should try taking the sage advice that TV Mom Shirley Jones gave to Mel Gibson by way of Hollywood TV:

BTW Hollywood TV seemed to be stalking TV moms that night. Shortly before pouncing on Shirley Jones they surprised Meredith Baxter. They pounced on her out side the Geffen Playhouse in Westwood:

Meredith’s advice and response was fairly sensible. Then again she’s been out of the business for a while, maybe long enough to return to her senses.

Meredith wasn’t the only TV Mom – Florence Henderson also had some compassionate words!

She has a heart! Well God bless her. Looks like Hollywod TV tracked down every TV Mom except Marge Simpson on this. In case you’re wondering what they’e all doing out side the Geffen theater, Dick Van Dyke was performing there.

Good ole Dick can still pack ’em in. What’s more he had some genuinely useful advice – “Hide out!“. Sooner or later fame comes to that.

They Salahi’s aren’t hiding out, but are getting a bit much with their series of annoying poses and their constant publicity hounding. It also seems like there aren’t too many lines that they wouldn’t cross to get to the top of the Celebrity D List ladder. At least no one has gotten hurt yet, except possibly Desiree Rodgers – who lost her White House job after the Salahi’s pulled that infamous stunt. It might be worth while to remind them that fame isn’t much of a game since there’s no challenge at all to getting attention. Just take the ladies of Comic Con for instance. They can turn the world on with just their smile, & some eye catching co play gear.

BTW for the many Gary Spaceman Bell fans – here’s his latest show.

Now that’s conspiracy theorizing! Let’s see Tila Tequila top that!


Dog Days for Megan Fox

Sarah Palin and Kate Gosselin conspire to destroy American television!

Looks like good news bad news depending on how you feel about Mel Gibson and reality TV. An unofficial, and there fore unscientific, online poll hosted by news site Zimbio has 74% of persons poled claiming that they would see another Mel Gibson movie. That’s almost as many as would avoid watching a new Bristol Palin Levi Johnston reality TV series! So who knows – there may actually be something to this; the pole I mean, and not that awful reality TV series that the Palins are planning. BTW I hear that the real reason why Mother Gosselin has gone of to visit Sister Sarah in Alaska is that they have appalling plans for a joint reality TV venture!

before Megan, after Fox

Now that reality is out of the way it’s back to the movies. Megan Fox used to have a promising career before she publicly mouthed off about director Michael Bay. It was all a part of her “straight shooter” routine. I say routine because they say in Follywood that when you can fake sincerity you’ve got it made. Megan may have faked it not wisely but too well since Bay took umbrage (got pissed off!). Some of his minions (flunkies) also began posting shit about her online; like that she’s a semi literate, half retarded TV actress with too much plastic surgery and a diva complex.

Bay unofficially mad; Megan officially out of a job

Once Megan figured out that Bay was unofficially mad she packed up the straight talk and put her motor mouth in reverse gear. At an awards show she publicity expressed her gratitude to Bay and the Transformers film franchisewhich has given me so much“. In another interview Mouthy Megan says that Transformers gave her a world, since before that she was sitting around eating Ramen Noodles. Informed Megan followers will probably doubt that she ever said any such thing since she started on a little show called Faith & Hope for 5 years, so it’s not like she was a complete nobody. Besides she confided to Conan O Brien, during an interview, that her favorite food is found at Red Lobster, and not in boil in the bag pouches! Now lest you accuse me of trying to put words in Megan’s mouth, here’s that Ramen Noodle interview, from Australian TV.

pretty disappointed & a fleet of lead balloons

I am so very disappointed in that young woman! Megan’s pretty disappointed too since Michael Bay went from being unofficial mad to officially dropping her from T3! Megan had other irons in the fire, like Jennifer’s Body *smirk* and Jonah Hex *snicker*. Still when your immediate career plans consist of a bunch of films that will drop faster than a fleet of lead balloons, it doesn’t hurt to have a guy like Bay in your corner.

new It

Maybe that’s why Megan is royally pissed about Transformers new addition. The new addition is Victoria’s Secret model Rosie Huntington Whiteley, who has been hired to play Shia LaBeouf’s new love interest (man for a nerd that guy gets some real action – on screen anyway!). Now Rosie is a VS/underwear model so she has tons of previous experience when it comes to standing around looking hot & stupid. So much so that the entertainment media is calling her the new It Girl. That’s what has Megger’s knickers in a knot.

The old new It Girl & Coming Up Rosie

You see Meggers used to be the new It Girl, back when she had a viable movie career. In fact she’s still attached to the title. Coming in second regularly in those online World’s Hottest polls can be an important ego booster! Now everything is coming up Rosie. In fact RHW is booked up in magazine covers right up until the July 4rth 2011 Transformers 3 release. Those covers don’t just help promote the film but are also a valuable source of income, so that’s a lot of work! That has Meggers muttering under her breath, and often right out loud, about how this just isn’t right. Megan puts it more bluntly: she refers to Rosie as that “Victoria’s Secret slut” and complains about the amount of attention the young woman is getting. It’s reassuring that Meggers hasn’t lost that refreshing directness we’ve come to associate with her!

“Hi. You might remember me. I used to be the next Angelina Jolie.”

While Megan might be mad others are pleased with the change up, like the film’s crew. They’re describing RHW as a great change, specifically she’s a ‘real doll’, ‘sweet’, and ‘a joy to work with’. The inference then being that this is a change because Meggers was none of those things. In fact behind the scenes scuttlebutt is that the whole crew loves The New It Girl. So that leaves Megan stuck with her title of The Old New It Girl. (I suppose that means Angelina Jolie is officially still the It Girl but unofficially the Old It Girl). As masseuse botherer Al Gore could tell her, being the former next something without actually having been anything ain’t gonna get you anywhere!

if sex stills sells will Movies Inc bring sexy back?

Still there is some hope. The movie could tank. Then the new it girl will get blamed and the studio will want the old new it girl back. With money at stake it would be out of Bay’s hands. Producers outrank directors in the Follywood pecking order as directors outrank leading A list actors/actresses. Studio executives outrank the lot and they only think about deals and the bottom line (that’s why we have so many films based on comic books and old TV shows these days!). The executroids won’t want money squandered on a personal grudge, and so might lay down the law to force Bay to bring Fox back out of the dog house.

The face is familiar but what the hell was the name again? Worst movie moniker since Arnold Schwarzenegger!

Besides, Rosie Huntington Whiteley has almost no chance of making it as an actress. For one thing her name is almost too long to be remembered. That’s okay as a model; people only have to remember your face. As an actress they’ve got to remember your name. Hers would be tough to keep in mind without a 3×5 index card. So unless she changes it to something like Rose Hunt, or even Apu de Beaumarchais, she might have to go back to staring blankly into still cameras to earn her keep. In which case the next whirlwind 12 months of Transformers promotional magazine covers will be excellent experience – & save some money kid. You wouldn’t want to wind up as the next Megan Fox!

BTW there’s something that really needs to be addressed. Those stories going around about Anne Hathaway sneaking around Comic Con disguised as Hawkgirl are probably false.

Anne Hathaway hawkgirl comic conAnne Hathaway hawkgirl comic con
Also if you like Hollywood history check out

All about Oscar: the history and politics of the Academy Awards

Von Emanuel Levy

on googlebooks!


Here’s to togetherness!

Brangie vs the (gutter) press

Moksana might be at each other’s thoughts, both legally and literally of the leaked tape recorded conversations of an hysterical Mel ranting racist death threats against his former mistress are to be believed (in the world of journalism a run on sentenced is known as “gonzo“. That was originated by the late great Hunter Thompson who was freakishly gifted as a writer – bless his soul – but did like to write stoned and so sometimes lost track of where one sentence ended and another began. Sometimes he’d just mush several of them together!) – but there’s one couple who just don’t know when to quit – Brangelina. Brangelina, or Brangie for short, are not only solidly together, but are fighting mad about it. So much so that they’ve taken Brit tab News of the World to court over stories about the power couple disconnecting and even having a post nup type division of assets drawn up.

B-ish movie actress types
it wasn't easy including a martial arts finale in Paul W Anderson's 3 Musketeers but would a Milla Jovovich film really be the same without one?It hasn’t been a good few years for News of the World. They also lost a suit to Kate Beckinsale – the Underworld vampire who married Len Wisman. The News referred to Beckinsale as a “B movie actress” She took exception and sued. She also won an undisclosed sum. The News’ defense, that references to Ms. Beckinsale were a misprint, and that they meant Milla Jovovich, didn’t seem to help their defense any. BTW Milla is moving up in class: she’s featured as Milady in her husband Paul W Anderson’s new adaption of the 3 Musketeers! I just hope that the Milla Martial Arts Massacre Finale made the film’s final cut!
Make room for Jethro – Fail in the Family

Speaking of Follywood Family Values the Palin’s have another crisis: Bristol Palin has defied her mother and become engaged to Levi Johnston. Now Sarah Barracuda is no fan of Ricky Hollywood, ever since he sold out and began spilling shit about her. When questioned about it by reporters she did mention that the lad might be welcome in her house for Thanksgiving, but only after being grilled in the oven for several hours and served up honey glazed with an apple in his mouth. So you can kind of take that 2 ways. Since Sarah’s bagged bigger, meaner creatures than Levi he might probably take it as a warning. That’s what Bristol seems to have taken it as, & so bypassed telling Mom in favour of blurting the news out through the tabloids. So it was presented to Mom as a fait accompli, or “it’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission” in other words!

Teen pregnancy, reality TV, and other consequences
Now you can’t blame Sarah for having reservations. Bristol is her eldest, and has been a target for entertainment industry bullies, like David “I’m into creepy stuff” Letterman! So naturally she wants to make sure that Bristol has a guy who can both provide for her daughter and protect her. Quite frankly this Levi fellow comes off as shiftless (and useless!).
next stop Sunnyvale Trailer Park!
However Sarah needn’t worry. Bristol and Levi have their immediate future all worked out. They’re planning a reality TV series (what else?) based on their life together as the 2 most famous young Alaskans on the planet. With a deal like that in the works they should be able to land a million dollar check from some desperate cable TV producers. If the show’s as promising as it sounds, it might even keep them busy right up to mid season replacements. Besides with some minor retooling – like replacing Todd with Mel Gibson as crusty family patriarch, and rewriting Sarah as Dingbat, they might have a bona fide hit on their hands!

So that covers about everyone except the Lohan’s! Remember the post from a few days back pointing out that jail was a Lohan family tradition? Well Dad might be joining Lindsay, since he’s been charged with 2nd degree harassment for threatening to kill current gal pal and Jon Gosselin cast off Kate Major. According to Major she was sleeping one off when Big Mike barged in, called her a “fucking cunt”, and threw her to the ground by overturning her chair. Mikey L counter claims that Major was drunk off her ass when he made the threat so how can she swear to it? – oops!

Bad vs Evil

The couple that you can’t get enough of, Mel & Oksana, are at it again. Apparently there is some kind of hush-hush emergency hearing under way in which Mel’s people are accusing Oksana’s people of fabricating a case against him. They haven’t been specific on what they mean by fabricating, although some Mel’s supporters have claimed that the tapes were doctored. Not that Mel didn’t say all those awful things about wetbacks, niggers, Russian cunts, blow jobs, rose gardens, etc. It’s just that he was taken out of contest – he didn’t mean it that way. Of course that begs the question of how do you take “you should be raped to death by a pack of niggers & wetbacks, but first you will blow me!” out of context? At least it’s more plausible than Mel’s original explanation: that Oksana had faked the tapes by splicing together lines from his old movies! Then again considering some of Mel’s taglines that’s completely plausible!

As for Oksana, she may be a gold digging whore but she has her price. Word has it the Oksana was offered a 15 million dollar separation package if she would just agree to keep quiet about Mel’s racist ranting and homicidal threats. Oksana initially accepted the whopping offer bit then reneged on the deal. Now that’s only good sense – always reject the first offer! Besides perhaps Oksana decided that the world needed to know how mad Mad Max is. That would strengthen her custody claim on young Lucia. Young Lucia would strengthen Oksana’s claim on Mel’s waning fortunes. That could add up to much more than a paltry 15 million.

Oksana’s claims of abuse, both to her and her daughter might be intended to boost the custody case too. Oksana released some rough looking shots of her self with jagged broken front teeth, and claiming that Mel had broken her expensive dental veneers while in a fit of rage. She has also released some pictures of Lucia Gibson Grigorieva – her first tabloid shots and already more sensational than anything released about the Brangelina brood! – showing a small red mark on the baby’s chin. Now the mark is about the same size as a pimple, but Oksana insists that this is proof of child abuse. It supposedly occurred during the incident in which Mel broke Oksana’s teeth, and wasn’t there before the incident. Of course a claim like that can cut both ways since observers are asking why the hell she stayed with him for a year after that, if he was such a menace. Should it turn out that Oksana herself made the mark on her daughtyer’s chin, say to support her custody case, then people are gonna wanna cut her up with rusty razor blades.

To cap things off Mel is mounting a counter offensive – as if he hasn’t been offensive enough already. Apparently he’s having Grigorieva investigated for extortion. With so many illegally recorded tapes and demands for money it seems like a reasonable case. So Mel’s people met with the LA Sheriff’s Dept yesterday (they still owe him over that drunk driving arrest) to present evidence that Oksana threatened to go public with the tapes if Mel didn’t pay up to the tune of ten million. Oksana says that’s ridiculous – after all she’s already claimed to have walked away from a 15 million offer that she originally accepted. Maybe that’s why she’s mentioning it now. It never hurts to try and grab a little creditability, even by way of a likely story! BTW Mel is also being investigated over possible criminal violations.

wondertrash on the road

BTW today’s blog has been posted from Hotel Visitel in Montreal’s Latin Quarter – next to Old Montreal and about 15 minutes from Dorval International Airport. For the reasonable price of about 60 to 80 dollars per night your comfortable room includes a double bed, cable TV, bar fridge, full bathroom with tub, and hi speed wireless Internet; plus room service and reception services are available. Oh yeah, and they have jacuzzi bathes available for a lot less than use of Mel or Oksana’s might cost.

Hotel Visitel: 1617 rue St-Hubert, Montreal, Quebec H2l 3Z1 Phone: 514 529 0990

Tell ’em wondertrash sent you!


Wrongful Death

8 ways wondertrash can help you survive a plane crash

Gary Coleman – more opportunities than ever before & this time nothing to complain about!

Wrongful death is the theme as Gary Coleman’s parents take it to the next level. They started asking all sorts of questions following their estranged son’s suspicious death. Now Coleman’s parents made it clear that they weren’t blaming Gary’s ex wife Shannon Price. Explicitly not blaming a person is the sneaky way of blaming them – as if by pointing out that suspecting the person would be the reasonable thing to do but your not going to do it in spite of that. Besides they merely want closure.

Well spite aside, Gary’s parents now are suing for custody of the remains. That sounds a little odd since they were to interested in Gary while he was still alive and among us. In fact their had been a 25 year separation between them. Now that he’s gone they seem making up for lost time.

So what interest could they have in Gary Coleman’s body (besides releasing the autopsy video for cash?). Perhaps they wanted it tested to see if Shannon was poisoning him or something. That is unless they actually planned to have Coleman’s corpse stuffed and then taken on tour, in a last ditch effort to wring more money out of the hapless fellow. I will say this – fighting over the body is a poor way of getting closure. Another thing, this is something that Sophocles never anticipated in Antigone. Then again for clear portrayal of human nature inaction you have to resort to the Bible.

In other news David Carradine’s widow is suing over his death. Carradine was found in a Thai hotel hung by the neck in what appeared to have been a sex stunt gone wrong. Carradine had a history of sex related weirdness including trying to shoot him self in the groin with a blank cartridge. Carradine later commented on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson that he’d screwed up a perfectly good tattoo over that stunt.

History didn’t stop the conspiracy theories from growing. Soon kung fu message boards were posting that Carradine was a rogue shaolin master gone to Hong Kong to crush the Chinese mafia. He had been assignation on the way by black hand Taoists masters as Bruce Lee had been when he tried the same stunt decades earlier. Or so the story goes.

Well no his widow is getting in on the act. She’s suing the production company over wrongful death. I’m not sure what the basis for the suit is but it doesn’t seem to have anything to do with Kung fu conspiracies. It may not even have much to do with hotels letting in underage hookers – but the production company has more cash than the hookers. I guess the Widow Carradine has been in Hollywood too long to believe in conspiracies, & especially when there’s a buck to be made (to which she may even be entitled). There’s no people like show people, you know!

truths, half truths, and utter bull shit:

Wondertrash would like to confirm that the rumors are in fact true: Mel Gibson did briefly work in Australia under the screen name Randy Gibb!

Bridge on the captain!

Blogged with the Flock Browser


Oprah Fights With Gayle King; Goes Back To Stedman

In what might be a Lindsay Lohan Samantha Ronson scene without the drugs, cops, rehab, ambulances, and SWAT teams; Oprah Winfrey and long time ‘companion’ Gayle King have had a falling out. By falling out I mean that Gayle actually uttered the words “I hate you” out loud and to Oprah’s face.

the fall out from the falling out

No words on that caused the falling out. However the usual unnamed sources claim that their relationship is now hanging by the shred of a thread. Further more there’s some really nasty side stories developing. Gayle King is getting super sucky with the Obama family lately. Not for the usually reasons: influence, status, etc. She knows that Oprah covets the Obama connection and this is Gayle’s way of sticking it to her long time friend.

steady with Steadman – Steadman as she goes

Meanwhile Oprah has a trick up her own sleeve. She’s apparently back with Steadman Graham. The 6’4″ motivational speaker has been spotted coming out of the woodwork and back into Oprah’s life. For those unfamiliar with the Steadman back story he’s a big good looking ex football type and self made multi millionaire; he’s also a constant reminder to the world that no man is good looking or successful enough to deserve Oprah. That kinda worked the way Gabriel Aubry was supposed to rmeind the world that no man is good looking or successful enough for Halle Berry (and did she give him a hard time about that too!). The one difference being that Halle managed to get down off her high horse long enough to get knocked up, once.

Oprah’s self made family & friends with benefits

Now it should be stated that Oprah has never ever officially ‘come out of the closet’. Oprah has maintained that as far as the world needs to know Steadman is some guy she likes taking out dancing and on vacation, while Gayle is some chick who spends a lot of time in Oprah’s home, when they’re not sharing hotel rooms for professional purposes (King has some kind of unofficial position with HARPO).

Official counter spin aside the 2 grown women who formerly couldn’t get enough of each other are currently carrying on like a pair of high schoolers having a ‘spat’. The obvious conclusion – it’s okay if Gayle hates Oprah. She’ll be back in the picture soon ’cause she knows shit. Besides, if Oprah really want to cheese King off she wouldn’t be back with Steadman, she’d be palling up to good friend Ellen DeGeneres. There seems to be a certain low key middle aged chemistry between those two, in an officially not gay way that is.

Wondertrash thought of the day:

photo courtesy of Roger Ebert via twitpic

gettin’ centered

Love the toilet paper in the bottom right of the picture – what more of an impression of existence do you need? Possibly a few stains would’ve been not only an indication of existence but a sign of life, too. Gossip is also a way of making those impressions. It’s part of the reason celebrities like being talked about: existential angst. Well it’s either that or sheer immature self centeredness. Now go out there and exchange that self centeredness for contentedness!


Megan Fox is made of fail

fox bitten

An update on the Shia Vs Spielberg story. Shia was recently churlish enough to pull a Megan Fox & bite the hand that feed him. So what could’ve gotten into the young man? Maybe Shia’s just PO’d lately because the studios want to tap him & Megan Fox for a Sonny and Cher bio pic.

YouTube Video

Megan Fox will take you all the way to her grass hut to play on her waterber

Strangely Megan doesn’t seem to mind the idea, but Megan’s a scamp a camp and a bit of a V-A-M-P vamp! Besides, Kim Kardsahian really really wanted the Cher role, for credibility! However Cher is the woman Megan Fox was supposed to be (if she’d known her role – we’ve watched her struggle with that).

Click this bar to view the full image.

Apparently some studio executard got the idea after watching I Walk The Line with Phoenix & Witherspoon. I can’t wait to hear Shia & Megan sing I Got You Babe.

Though there are similarities, Megan & Shia remind me much more of Hansel & Gretel in the above pic. It must be their youth, and the fear in their eyes *shudders*.

BTW the Sonny & Cher parallel also works in reference to John McCain & Sarah Palin! Their break up was just as painful for some. Elizabeth Hasslebeck, or Nel Flanders – the goofy 2 shoes, was crying over her Bible for weeks, asking young Grace “Why Honey, Why?”

If Megan Fox was offered work in a Sonny & Cher biopic she might welcome it right now, ’cause current rumor is that she’s been fired off of Transformers 3. I guess that thought she was out of line with the Hitler crack. Actually what really got his goat was when Meggers described T2 as all flash and fx without much acting or story. In fact Michael Bay is currently busy trying to find a replacement for Fox as Shia LaBeouf’s love interest. Don’t be surprised if Bay gets Fox’s Jennifer’s Body co star Amanda Seyfried to take on the part, or even Lindsay Lohan. That depends on how spiteful Michael Bay is during the casting process. As for Megan Fox she will probably return from whence she came – TV sitcoms. Either that or directly to entertainment hell – reality TV!

BTW – Amanda Stayfried has just busted up with her boyfiriend. Now in the entertainment world a bust up goes with a career status change. Everyone in Follywood is out to do well, and, like Halle Berry, don’t want to date no losers. So as players move up and down the food chain they, like molecules, come unglued and form new bonds. If you drop from a B Lister ( a Blister?) to C or below, then you’re former partner might want to cut you free so that they find themselves a more appropriate match. You can’t blame them for it – if you moved from B to A then you’d do as much for them. So If Stayfried has dropped her guy then it might because she’s just quantum leaped up the food chain recently. This could support the idea that she’s being considered for Foxy’s replacement.

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