Halle Berry’s Ex Investigated for Child Endangerment

Beautiful people get pretty ugly

Once upon a time in Hollywood

Once upon a time in an enchanted kingdom called Hollywood a beautiful movie queen met a handsome prince and swept him off his feet. Everyone carried on like the pair were the king and queen of the prom. Then they had a kid together. Then things went sour and they went their separate ways. That’s the part where the storyline diverges from Brangelina.

the couple in question

The couple in question were Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry. When they split up people were shocked but not too shocked. It’s kind of the way people felt when Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher busted up. Halle and Gabby seemed to be handling the bust up well and even agreed on joint custody. Then Halle got a film job down in South Africa.

where’s King Solomon when you need him?

Halle had to go away for 3 to 6 months and planned to take baby Nahla with her. Now Gabby wasn’t having any of that. So he suggested that Halle leave the tot with him while she clued up her movie making. Halle wasn’t any more pleased about leaving her daughter for 3 to 6 months than he was. So there was a stalemate.

father go farther

Now being mature reasonable people they managed to hit upon an ad hoc arrangement. Halle would take Nahla to South Africa and Gabby would come along for the ride. She’d pay him to be the child’s care giver – kind of like a nanny – and they’d live under the same roof. In the event that living under the same roof became unbearable then Halle would rent a near by villa for Gabby. Nahla could stay there with her father during the day while Halle did her close ups. Perfectly sensible arrangement that only required large sums of money to pull off (It might have been even more reasonable if she’d rented the villa from the start, instead of waiting to see if things became unreasonable)!

this is gonna take a while, and Katherine Heigl, so you know it’s getting nasty

So it seemed like our estranged super couple were working it out. Then some where along the way they fell out again. Just recently stories started surfacing about Halle and Gabby heading off to court for a flat out knock down drag out custody show down! Like I said, this has been building up for awhile.

On Jan 31 2011 – that’s about 1 year ago if you’re following the Halle Gabby timeline – People Mag reported that Halle was headed to court. Her objective was full custody of daughter Nahla. She was so serious that she dropped out of the lead in New Years Eve. That was good news for Katherine Heigl, who got to replace her. Halle was determined because in the words of her reps and lawyers –

“Halle has serious concerns for her daughter’s well-being while in the care of her father for any extended period of time and is prepared to take all necessary steps to protect her. She has attempted to resolve these custody issues amicably with her daughter’s father, Gabriel Aubry, directly, but given his lack of cooperation, Halle has no choice but to seek swift judicial intervention. Halle has always made the needs and safety of her daughter her first priority and, both while Halle and Gabriel were a couple and since their break-up, Halle has only acted in her daughter’s best interest.”

the cruelest month & Kim Kardashian included!

Now to you or I that might sound like the kind of half baked statement that comes out of the usual PR cookie cutter. However it preceded and interesting back and forth between Halle & Gabby. At 1st Gabby, by way of People Mag, claimed that the allegations were untrue & irresponsible. He claimed that he was being maigned, and tat he didn’t wanted to be dragged into some dispute over one of Halle’s films. Then D Listed & TMZ got in on the act. Basically the story that came out through those outlets was that Halle had issues. While she was dating Olivier Martinez, to whom she is now engaged, Aubry claimed that she was not over him. She was possessive & objected to him dating other people, and would even phone him up in a rage. Halle responded that Gabby was crazy and jealous. Needless to say Gabby was disappointed by Halle’s response. Feb 2011 was a rough month for them. There was even a Kim Kardashian angle. Here’s brief recap:

From People: Team Berry says that Halle got mad when Gabriel started dating amateur porn star and role model to our youth Kim Kardashian, because she didn’t want a reality star in her daughter’s life. Meaning Halle was afraid that the cameras that constantly follow Kim would catch her daughter and she’d end up on TV. Yes, because Nahla can sign her own releases. However, Team Aubry says that Nahla never laid eyes on the twin warthogs clinging to Kim’s ass.
1 point for Team Aubry

From TMZ: One of Gabriel’s ex-girlfriends has put a white cone on his head by saying that he’s bi-racist and always used racial slurs against black people. Gabriel’s ex, who dated him for 2 years, says he never beat her ass, but he treated women like shit.
2 points for Team Berry

From TMZ: Team Berry is going hard on this one. Sources close to Halle have added possible “child abuse allegations” to Gabriel’s rap sheet by saying that Nahla always hysterically cries when he picks her up for visits. Halle constantly has a “something in the milk ain’t clean” moment whenever she sees Nahla with Gabriel. Nahla seems scared of her own father and Halle thinks something wrong is going down. The child touching and/or child whoopin’ seed has been planted.
1 point for Team Berry

From Radar: Because this whole disaster is the second coming of OctoSana & Mad Mel, Team Gabriel says he has recorded tapes of Halle RAGING at him in her crazy bitch voice. Team Gabriel says that since he’s an upstanding moral man of integrity (served on a bed of lukewarm sarcasm noodles), he’s not going to release the tapes to the media. Gabriel is saving them just in case shit gets really real REAL in their custody fight.
1 point for Team Aubry

From Radar: So much for that “no leaking” rule. Radar magically got a hold of an e-mail Halle allegedly sent to Gabriel during one of her jealous meltdowns. Halle’s e-mail reads, “You were only good for one thing…Thanks for the donation.” Hey, that’s the same thank you note I get in the mail whenever I put a dollar in the tithing basket at my mom’s Catholic church. Team Gabriel also adds that he did call Halle a “fucking bitch” when she “provoked” him, but he’s never thrown a racial slur at her. In fact, Team Gabriel swears that he kept calm and quiet whenever she screamed at him on the phone.

history repeats it’s self in current events ‘here we go again’ agony

Luckily they got through Feb and the rest of the year. There were a few minor court skirmishes but things carried on as if they were normal. That brings us to current events. 3 year old Nahla was visiting her father when things took an odd turn. Seems Nahla didn’t want to go to school that day and Aubry let her off the hook. When nanny Alliance Kamdem showed up she wanted to know what the deal was and things got heated. Nanny claims that Aubry pushed, while she was holding Nahla. So naturally that lead to child endangerment charges.

Nanny Alliance

It lead Halle, with her nanny, back to court. She’s asked a judge for a restraining order. The order is to prohibit Aubry from any contact with Nanny Kamden until the child endangerment issue is resolved. That could be tough to resolve since nanny Kamden is making allegations about Aubry yelling and screaming and Nahla, which causes her to cower in fear. Kamden also claims Aubry makes young Nahla sit in a corner in his condo. To that end the L.A. County Dept. of Children and Family Services is also conducting a child endangerment investigation. Kamden claims she fears retaliation from Aubry.

“insufficient and speculative” – just like a blog!

As of now the restraining order is out. The judge called the petition “insufficient and speculative.” One further development, Kamden has quit her hi profile nanny job with Berry.

“The thing that attracts people to “The Sopranos” is the family element. It shows that America still has a longing for that traditional upbringing.” Christine O’Donnell

photo from the skull cave

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Is Khloe REALLY a Kardashian?

The news just gets worse and worse for the Kartrashians. 1st Kim is involved in an alleged marriage that only took about 72 days to enrage the American public; then Khloe turns out to have some questionable parentage. What kind of questions could there be about her parentage? Well there are some allegations that she’s a “love child”. IN plain English that means that her alleged father Robert Kardashian may not be her biological father. For more info just take a look at this short vid from the good people at TMZ!

This sort of fake wedding shit never happened with Paris Hilton. She had enough respect for the institution of marriage to leave her shenanigans at the level of sex tapes and media stunts! So not being a Kardashian might be a potion in Khloe’s favour right now! For some heated debate on the topic head right over to Gossiprocks forum where the Khloe thread is now 5 pages and growing!

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Shannon "Tweed off" with Gene Simmons


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Jon & Kate didn’t make it. Neither did Hulk Hogan & whatshername – you know, that greedy old bitch who looks like Dog Duayne Chapman’s wife and screwed a 23 year old pool boy – She Hulk. So has reality TV claimed another marriage? Looks like that Family Jewels couple Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed might be hitting a rough patch. Or at least that’s what they’re saying publicly. With their son and daughter pretty much grown and out of the house Shannon has pretty much had enough of Gene’s constant fucking around philandering ways. Though she knew he was a rock star with a 12 inch tongue when she didn’t marry him, she claims that she’s your average wide eyed, naive, ex Playboy bunny, and thought that some how marrying a satanic rock star would be a fairy tale come true. In what Monarch mind controlled brain washed delusion baby?

TV Bunny gets hopping mad on camera

Apparently it was some pictures of Gene out with younger prettier bunnies that has Shannon’s tweed (since she’s from Newfoundland I assume that her tweed is herring bone) rubbed the wrong way. As you could see in the above clip Shannon is pretty worked up and maintained her pique for the reality TV crew that follow the couple everywhere. Shannon also managed to appear on the Kathy Lee & Hoda (Hoda sounds like one of those banned diet aids) with her despised common law significant other – partner I believe is the accepted term for some one you’re doing long term but not formally committed to – to promoted their reality TV show and impending potential bust up. They traded some cute barbs too. So Shannon ain’t exactly sharing a Kleenex box with Huma Abedin over their respective wayward wieners. IN fact the lady seems all business!

full disclosure or plausible deniablity?

So that has folks of the cynical variety – like Internet bloggers between UFO disclosure posts – speculating about the reality of this reality TV. Could Shannon and Gene really be on the outs after 20 odd years – and odd they must have been – of a fairly stable and highly successful partnership?? Could some pictures of Gene-O out and about with a couple of random floozies but not pictured in any incriminating positions really have gotten her goat? Maybe with the kiddies grown and flown she’s ready to pull the usual maneuver of pulling the plug on a relationship that’s outlived it’s usefulness, then cashing in on alimony and community property as a show biz bride’s retirement package! Any of these options might be plausible, if reality TV wasn’t as scripted and staged as pro wrestling!

Sounds like a publicity stunt

The consensus among the skeptics is that this is just some ploy to hype up their already popular and well liked series. For one thing marital domestic fireworks might be a gimmick to get folk to keep watching. For another it take s a couple on pretty firm ground get on TV and pretend to jab at each other. If there were any real friction there then the sparring could well bleed over into unmanageable animosity. Besides, Gene is fresh of playing a concert down in Newfoundland. As stated that’s Shannon’s birth place, and rumors on the rock was that he did the show as a favor to the missus. So I’m calling bullshit on the dog & pony act, unlike Sarah Palin’s hotly denied separation. If those two are still together now then I doubt that either is going anywhere. At least it’s entertaining bullshit. With a couple as likeable as those two, viewers will probably play along with the corny play acting.

Bogus bust ups

P.S. Here’s a hint about how you can tell when a bust up is bogus or for realz. When German adult film actress Xenia Seeberg -best known from Lexx and some widely view porno type flicks, separated from her husband Sven Martinek the shit came to blows. Xenia is a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. So when the pair showed up at the Berlin premier of Inglorious Basterds they not only showed up separately, but Sven showed up wearing sun glasses and an eye patch! Apparently Xenia got riled a beat the snot out of the poor man while in one of her kung fu fits! Now if violence ain’t for real then it certainly gets points for realism!

Dave knows a creepy thing or two

Now here’s part 2 of Hollywood & MK Ultra. Betcha didn’t know that the real reason Joaquin Phoenix went cuckoo was because his brain washing backfired. That’s when they sent him to Dr. Dave. Letterman knows a thing or two about handling slaves, that is if the blackmailer’s stories can be believed!

http://www.youtube.com/get_player
proceed at your own risk!


BTW this won’t need pointing out to the observant among you, but in the above Gene Simmons Shannon Tweed simulated fight video, Gene is shown flashing the Illuminati hand sign at one point. Now that hand sign has been seen everywhere lately and everyone from George W to Betty White to Justin Bieber to Prince William has been seen making it. Just for your information the technical name of that particular occult gesture is the Baphomet Sign.

“Hello Princess – Brown Levi 2003 11A!”

More on the occult: a helpful hint for those of you trying to pick up a little action is that Monarch sex slaves, such as Paris Hilton, can sometimes be triggered using the code phrase “Hello Princess“. This activates their Monarch Mind Control Brain Programming. Once the trigger phrase is used, princess, whomever she may be, will have the bit in her teeth and be ready to go to the races. You may then have your will of your hot to trot hottie.

in my mind and in my car, we can’t rewind we’ve gone too far – entertainment & entrapment!

However unless you know the appropriate follow up trigger phrase there can be some strange side effects; like the lady can suddenly seize up and go ridged on you. That’s a precaution the slave handler programmers put into to make sure no one messes with their action. It can be damned inconvenient too if it happens at the wrong time and in the wrong place! I know a guy who says he once had a hell of a time trying to get a half naked Liv Tyler out of a phone booth, and eventually had to leave her there. He was afraid the cosplay costume she was wearing would start attracting unwanted attention! Of course that could be just shit you hear a the conspiracy conventions!

julia voth as wonder woman

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Wonder Woman vs the Terminator – Hasta La Vista, Baby!

Wonder Woman vs Predator!



Tis the season for dirty laundry. If you’re into that sort of thing you could take your pick nowadays. take Arnold Schwarzenegger for instance. Arnie was the body builder who shot to fame with a combo for steroids and snappy one liners! By the time he was filming predator he was serious enough about Kennedy Kid Maria Schriver to take time out from shooting to jet off to Hyannis Port for some chowder and a wedding!

Skip forward a decade or so, past some cheesy action flicks, some good attempts at comedy, and a run for governor and many Kennedy family barbecues, to the present situation. The present situation is that the Sperminator is deep in shit. Seems that while the Gov was grinning for the cameras with Maria at his side, and getting solar panels installed on the gov’s mansion to show that he was a conservative with his heart in the right place; he was also banging away at the hired help. The gov had a side piece in the form of “staff with benefits” That lead to a child that came along about the same time as one of his kid’s with Maria. When Arnie and American Maid weren’t busy soiling the sheets in the gov’s mansion, sidepiece was busy trying on Maria’s cloths and jewelry. I could bore you with details except you wouldn’t be bored, and a pro can do it better! So here’s the pro!

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Wow, I mean wow. Over 50 years since World War 2 and Germans are still evil! Of course Arnie is an Austrian. To be clear an Austrian is a German with enough PR savvy to deny being German in public. The Pope doesn’t deny being German but he’s got so many other PR problems that there’d hardly be any point.

Back to Evil Arnie! Now that you’ve got all the dirty details you probably want to know what else is new. Maria is seeing a lawyer. Also should push come to shove she stands to get a real windfall. As much as 50 mill according to some sources. Though she is a Kennedy that doesn’t make her as rich as you think. That loot got split up in trust amongst numerous grand kids (John John was well heeled at the time of his untimely death. He was reputedly worth 250 mill at the time. It should be said that much of that was from Jackie and made post JFK, through Onassis and her various projects.). Arnie on the other hand has money to burn, what with his long career of cranking out the bash ’em up flicks.

So it’s not surprising that Arnie ain’t to thrilled with this whole divorce deal. According to Popeater he’s “willing to beg” to get his wife back. According to Poopeater Arnie has said through some professional mouth piece that:

“He knows that he has made mistakes, terrible mistakes in his past but isn’t prepared to lose the greatest woman in his life. This has nothing to do with money or the children. He misses her terribly and will do whatever it takes to win her back. Even begging.”

I like the ‘this isn’t about the money, or the kids’ comment. Mentioning money and tacking on the kids as an after thought just makes it so much more convincing. He didn’t have to mention his political career since that’s over and done with, even if they do change the constitution to let Evil Germans run for pres. So the moral of the story is that there’s a time and place for everything, and even if you’re a big shot action hero it might be a good idea to learn the art of gun control – now an issue Arnie will never have to grapple with politically.

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Good Luck, Chuck

There’s an up side to everything. Take marriage for instance. By definition it might be a life sentence to an institution, but there’s always the possibility of parole, called divorce. Yesterday Wondertrash covered the story of how Kelsey Grammer got time off for bad behavior. That’s kind of like no good deed going unpunished in reverse. Well when it comes to bad behavior no one tops the Warlock Charlie Sheen. Now, in addition to enriching the language with his numerous catch phrases, the Sheeenius has given hope to the hopeless by finding light at the end of the tunnel.

It started about 3 years ago, as the Warlock was coming off of another brutal divorce from ex wife and high priced slut Denise Richards. That was a nasty piece of business that startled spectators with it’s allegations of internet porn, prescription pill abuse, and conspiracy theories! Since Denise has a dirty mouth – in more ways than one – no one took her seriously. When she denied breaking up BFF Heather Locklear’s marriage to Richie Sambora, everyone decided that she was completely full of shit. Though she said that she did what she didn’t do out of love, and because of her mother’s terminal illness, people weren’t buying it. Perhaps that’s because the strain of the whole ordeal drove Heather nuts and into an alcoholic relapse.

After that nasty business Charlie was ready to start over. A change is as good as a rest and as luck would have it Charlie got neither in the form of coke head Brooke Mueller. Though they made a big show of togetherness by posing on magazine covers together with their new twins – basically to rub Richards’ snout in it, their turned out to be far more to Brooke that met the eye. Like a drug addiction that drove her into rehab while pregnant (and they think she’s a better parent than him?).

Now when you get drugs, ho bags, and Charlie Sheen all together in the same place fireworks happen. Happen they did during a family Christmas get together. Charlie was getting lubricated and Brooke was getting bitchy. So about the time the dinner was served Charlie got so addled, what with the booze and the harpy shrieking at him, that he got a little confused. He temporarily lost track of the turkey. He mistook his lovely wife Brooke for the center piece and aimed a sharp object in her general vicinity, allegedly. Now mistaking Brooke for a turkey is a mistake that anyone might, allegedly, make; drunk or sober. It still got blow all out of porportion and made the usual Charlie Sheen type headline “Christmas knife fight at Sheen’s residence leads to actor’s arrest!

Calling cops into the picture is just uncool, and bound to put a strain on an otherwise fragile relationship. When things reach that point you have to either remove the cause from the patient or the patient from the cause, as my daddy used to say. So the principals in the drama went off to their respective lawyers to get everything ironed out in a mature and civilized fashion, like successful Hollywood types do. Then they each went off to TMZ to tell the world how bad the other was. Charlie had an insatiable lust for coke and hookers, apparently; and Brooke was whore of such epic proportions that she made Denise Richards look good in comparison. I think that the Sheenius won that battle of the insults!

While the lawyers were making busy and Brooke was running her mouth to gossip[ sites Charlie lost him self in work. He had his successful 2 1/2 Men show. Now what with pouring himself into the job, he needed occasional releases – to blow of steam. That lead to some more headlines, and about 5000 in damage to a New York hotel room. Charlie’s wild over the top antics also lead to some friction with his 2 1/2 Mern boss. That also lead to his colorful. Before it was over CNN was knee deep in goddesses and outlandish rhetoric!

So it’s been quite a 3 years for Mr Sheen. The good news is that thhis sad period has officially come to an end. Though they divorced a while ago, their was still the outstanding issue of the kids’ custody. When Charlie went warlock before a live national audience, Mueller took the opportunity to pounce. She seemed to think that the kids would be better off with a drugged out loser than in a house full of hookers. So she brought poor Charles back into court to dredge up their unhappy marital issues. That has now been resolved. US Weekly has reported that the pair have worked out some kind of a deal. There are no details about where Bob & Max are gonna wind up; with the coke head or living with hookers, but US W states that Brooke and Charlie are happy with the arrangement. They must be mad optimists if they can find anything to be happy about in that mess. Anyway this will hopefully give Charlie more free time to work on his stand up routine. Maybe he can even bring Sheen’s Korner back!

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Bad Grammer



Kelsey Frasier Grammer had been married to Real Housewives Camille Donatacci for 13 and had 2 kids: Jude and Mason. Then their marriage exploded in allegations of cheating and cross dressing. The cheating allegations proved true, we can only guess about the cross dressing.

We know that the cheating stories were true because Kelsey side piece came out fo the wood work claiming to be knocked up by the TV star. The sides piece was a British airline hostess fresh from the friendly skies and named Kayte Walsh. She was 30 and Grammer was 56.

Kayte miscarried, but Frasier claimed that he wanted to marry the woman anyway, causing some to wonder whether he had alcohol related brain damage or something. So some nuptials got planned. Before they could get followed through on a divorce had to be planned – it’s just like a fairy tale! So Frasier and the missus went at it. Housewives fan saw that play pout on Camille’s reality TV show!

Lawyers were hired and blame was assigned. It could’ve dragged on and on and on, but Kelsey was eager for the beaver, so he coughed up 50 mill to get it over and done with quickly, if not painlessly. The ideas was that Camille would take the hefty windfall and go off to do what ever Hollywood ex wives do: live happily ever after in a wold of plastic surgery, colonic therapy, and New Age self exploration. Maybe she’d write a book about reinventing herself.

This is where the hangover starts. Seems that Kelsey’s plans to get everything clued up quick hit a snag when he and Camille started bickering over the kids. According to Camille, who has given her side to the National Enquirer, she was only too happy to share joint custody with Kelsey. But then Grammer got greedy and demanded total sole custody of the kids. That would’ve cut Mom out of the picture. So the pair went to war – funny how unavoidable war is even in our present enlightened age. Must be a human nature thing I guess.

According to Camille Grammar has no right to full custody. After all he’s the one who selfishness ruined his marriage by knocking up a stewardess. That left the children confused and traumatized. He abandoned his parental rights when he abandoned his parental duties, and you can’t have it both ways, even if you’re Dr Frasier Crane!

Frasier did some other bad suff to. Frasier has been introducing the kids to the new Mrs Grammar. That’s awkward but unavoidable. However something he might have avoided doing was introducing her to the kids as “your other mother”. I guess that makes Camille “the starter mom”. Naturally Camille saw red, hit the roof, and then went ballistic, after hearing about Kelsey’s grammar! Now any farm boy fresh off the back of the pick up could’a told him that was a bad idea. Maybe he was being spiteful. You know how adversity brings out the best in people, unless adversity is a divorce, in which case the devil might go running for shelter.

“Just say ‘yes!’ – If we can separate image from self, then we can get rid of awareness, and that will make reality obsolete!”

Kelsey Grammar’s sleazy antics once again raise the question of “Why do the beautiful people engage in self destructive behavior?” That’s a question at least as old as the self help movement. So we can date it as far back as the 60’s. It’s lead to the whole self awareness movement, which evolved into New Age, and eventually Oprah Winfrey! Now self awareness is a long involved process and that takes both time and effort. Why make a long haul commitment when you can fly now and pay later? That’s the $64 000 question that helped self help evolve into what it’s become today – what ever that is.

Now it shouldn’t surprise you to know that the whole self help movement was invented back in the early 60’s by a plastic surgeon named Maxwell Maltz. He’s reputed to have done way more than 60 000 nose jobs before he got wise. He discovered somewhere in the process of bobbing those noses that you could make a woman look like a princess but she’d still feel like a loser.

So Maltz decided that the problem was self image. That’s when he made the switch from plastic surgery to pop psychology! He decided that what you had to do to make people whole healthy and successful was to do some reconstructive surgery on their self image. Then you could crack out winners as if by assembly line. He called it working on the person from the circumference in, instead of from the center out! So you can tell it was invented by a plastic surgeon. In a way you could say that he invented the make over – which is what self help has become (though that’s not a 64 000 question, or at least I ain’t gonna get anything for that answer!).

hear now!

Here now is an audio of the book that made Maltz an obscure household name. So set your servo mechanism towards personal growth and tune into Psycho-cybernetics! Your self image will thank you for it! Actually it won’t. That shallow selfish nob will move on and lose your phone number!

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wondertrash

Oksana Grigorieva makes nice


Oksanity!

Oksana Grigorieva was a troublesome woman who caused all sorts of unnecessary anguish. Then she met Mel Gibson! Not that her life began with Gibson. She’d been around, and for a while. She’d been some sort of musician, though people who know her laugh at the claim to anything serious. She’d gotten knocked up by Timothy “The Spy Who Shagged Me” Dalton. She had a kid by him, named Alexander, and that kept her in walking around money for a few years. It didn’t do much for Dalton since his career went into a death spiral after getting his dose of Grigorieva. There are somethings that even James Bond can’t survive. Still it might be unfair to give Oksie too mucgh credit. Dalton’s career was also undermined by his habit of walking around hot Hollywood eateries with his fly down and no underwear on!

she’s silly putty purty!

Anyhow Momma’s Little Dividend kept Oksie livin’ the lifestyles of the rich and famous Hollywood style for a few years. That was convenient since she wasn’t getting any younger and had to pay for the up keep on her face, which was how she made her living. So that left her living it up, getting silly putty injected into her head, and sizing up her next victim! For awhile that looked like record producer David Foster. She was staying in his guest house and putting a lot of pressure on the poor man’s marriage when some one better came along in the form of Mel Gibson. So she latched onto him, but not before trashing Foster’s marriage.

the poor man’s rich girl, or vice versa

Part of what ruined Foster’s marriage was that Oksany was knocked up in the family way with a child that might or might not have been Super Dave’s. That takes infidelity beyond the level of keeping some stray Russian tramp in the pool house (which would be much more fun if the Russian in question was Milla Jovovich, and not some down market blow jobber who looks like she pay off her lips on the installment plan). Mrs Foster need not have jumped the gun since Oksany was busy reconsidered her child’s paternity! She decided that the father might actually be Mel, and not the guy she’d been slutting it up win the pool house with for awhile. That might sound revisionist, but Oksany is a big believer in convenience – her own if not any one else’s.

from Russia with love & C.O.D.!

So that lead to the explosion of Mel’s marriage. Illegitimate kids by Russian sluts will do that. Mel insisted that he left his wife because they lacked common spiritual ground – and finding common ground with Mello these days might require a tinfoil hat – but since she was the one who filed you can use your imaginations. That left poor Mel showing off his new *ahem* prize in public, and in a serious of embarrassing music videos. Maybe they were mucus videos – who knows.

love or a cold war

The relationship seemed happy, if embarrassing, for awhile. Yet the course of true love never runs smooth. That’s to say nothing about whatever Mel and Oksany shared. So soon enough things took one of those strange turns that characterize Mel’s life lately. Some how the love birds turned on each other. Mel made a lot of bad remarks about Oksany publicly – like she was a drunken smutty pig. Or he would have if he hadn’t thought that might be an insult to drunken smutty pigs.

love is never having to speak up for the tape recorder

He said a lot of other stuff too, and didn’t mind who felt insulted by that. We know because Oksany had taken to taping their heated phone conversations. Perhaps it was out of sentiment, and a desire to preserve the memory of what they had after Braveheart had moved on. You know how soft heart money grubbing whores can be. She wasn’t shy about sharing Mel’s special feelings with the world either – & the tapes found their way onto TMZ, or Radaronline, on one of these trash sites (heh heh). When you a woman who’s well and truly loved then you just want the whole world to know about it and envy you, so who can blame her!

hand puppet theater – sock it to me!

Now that didn’t do Mel’s career any good, not that there was anything left of it to worry about; beside that sock puppet film he had cooked up with Jodie Foster (who may or may not be related to David Foster, depending on how paranoid you are about nepotism in Hollywood). Since Mel was kind of hanging on by a shred of a thread he kind of took it personally. So the gloves were off and the lawyers were in on the act. Tempers boiled and rhetoric became inflammatory, while onlookers feared that the situation might go OJ if participants didn’t watch their step, or if Mello got too liquored up and had a bad day. He did make those rose garden comments!

things come fool circle

Just when it seemed that the shit would hit the fan things calmed down. Part of this was because Oksany had to take it instead of just dishing it. Mel got some friends in the Malibu Police Dept – he’s still got a few – to look into extortion charges and possible deportation. Exile from the land of opportunity seemed to put the fear of God into her godless commie soul. Plus she’d become part of the story and the paparazzi were hounding her in public. She was easier to get to than Mel, but her shit backfiring on her wasn’t anything she’d planned on, and seemed to take some of the fun out of it for her. Meanwhile Mel had gone back to his wife Robin, and that seemed to be a stabilizing influence on him. So the only thing left was for the dust to settle.

The Tabloid Narc

That seemed to have happened. Some time last week the Enquirer, unless it was the Examiner, The Globe, or some other shit mag, reported that Mel and Oksany had been spotted out in public together walking calmly and talking softly without any broken teeth or enraged screaming. Perhaps the absence of a tape recorder helped to keep thing on the level. Anyway the tabloid narc, who knew Mel in some capacity, said that he looked at him with a ‘what the fuck’ expression on his face. Mel just nodded and looked back, unless he looked back first and then nodded. There may or may not have been a wink involved.

Mel less psychotic than usual

So while anyone who was still interested was busy asking “what the fuck is going on with Gibson” it comes out that Oksany has just dropped her domestic assault charges. Those charges stemmed from the tape recording period. Oksany claimed that an enraged and psychotic Mel had fucked up her face while out of his mind. She mentioned that again and again during the recordings. Most figured that it was a life time of bad plastic surgery that left her worse for wear, but that was a matter for the courts to decide.Or it was before Oksany dropped the charges.

hit me baby one more time

Now Oksany had been all worked up what with being abused and all. Apparently getting smacked in the gov, allegedly, by Gibson was some great matter of principle that everyone was required to support her on by backing her to the hilt like she was Rihanna or something. Once she actually sat down and thought about it, though, she seemed to feel more like Tila Tequila, as in “Let’s put the whole Merriman mess behind us so I can get on with my career“. Oksany doesn’t pout it so cynically. She spins it a little more sympathetically, which is what you do if you want people to support you, or at least not try and take your head off for continuing to waste their time.

round 2?

Oksany version, which she gave to E via her lawyer through a “source” claims that Mrs. G dropped her case because she wanted to be free to contact Gibson in relation to their daughter Lucia. So she’s basically putting the well being of her daughter first, and wasn’t using the charges as leverage in a low down and dirty custody battle. That means the man that she swore on a stack was a danger to life and limb is now free to once again be an active participant in the life of both her and her daughter. So this is the part where something in her story just doesn’t add up, like “were you shitting us then, or are you shitting us now?” Maybe she was shitting us all along. Maybe, like Jodie Foster and the movie going public, she’s decided that Mel ain’t so bad, only a bit misunderstood stood. It’s a lady’s prerogative to change her mind, but honesty ain’t required.

Wonder Woman sez – “Don’t be a victim!”

Lunapic Photo Editing

wondertrash

Hello Larry

https://i1.wp.com/www.thirdage.com/files/imagecache/350x350/files/elizabeth-taylor-larry-fortensky.jpgLiz Taylor was not only one of Hollywood’s true movie stars; She got around. She married Eddie Fischer just months before she ran off to do Cleopatra with Richard Burton. Eddie – like poor Nick Lacey with Jessica, had no idea what was what until Richie and Lizzie were exchanged expensive stones and other more personal forget me nots, By the time the show was over Liz decided that she wanted a Greek Hero, even if that mean a Welsh actor playing a Roman. So there was no room for a little Jewish singer in her life.

Now that’s fine and well. People expected Taylor to run around like a cat with liniment on her arse, except that in this case the was a twist. Lizzie had stolen Fischer away from Tanny. Now Tammy was the wholesome Mountain Dew Elli May Clampett time who innocence appealed to horny adolescent boys. Innocence was a big part of her appeal. So when Taylor – who was the vamp of the day – moved in for the kill. Spectators viewed it as something a wolf goring Bambie in one of those morbid Disney films,

To put it in modern perspective – it was the same as when Angelina Jolie stole Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston. People decided that she’d gone a little too far – but since she was an oversexed bitch that they couldn’t blame her as long as she meant it. So Eddie and Lizzie lived it up for a few mothers and then Lizzie’s hot sexy bitch instincts took over.

As mentioned she went off to do Cleopatra with Richard Burton. Burton played Marc Anthony – a proud, intelligent brave; and even more than that – the last of the Greek Heroes. Lizzie as Cleopatra had to seduce Marc -Ricard Anthony, because they’re passionate doomed love affair formed the basis of the story. That meant that Richie and Lizzie had to do plenty of scripted sexy time pulls lots of emotionally charged scenes! soon it was bye-bye Tammy.

There’s been a lot of talk about who was to blame int his. Tammy was the beloved image of innocent youth, and Liz was the voracious man eating vagina dentata. Since those were the parts that they were supposed to play then no one could really blame Lizzie too much. It didn’t go down well and the vox populi (they phrase vox populi is handier than “they” since interlocutors will then get cute and asked you who “they” are. Now one will defy the vox populi.), who decided that she’d get a pass if Lizze was serious. That was the Brad Angelina Jennifer scenario of their day.

Well Lizzie buggered that up by dropping Fischer like a hot potato when she went after Burton. Liz had that Jolie” I do what ever the hell I want because I’m a wild crazy fuck!‘ attitude. So she may not have been well aware of the seriousness of the situation when she embarked on her affair wit Burton. When she dropped him after a few months to go after Burton – the public turned and never quite forgave her.

That’s a paralleled to today’s Bragelinsten arrangement to – where the public has decided they’ll let jolie get way with this, but they can’t expect anymore from them just because she’s hers. So her picture shave flopped even though Anstion has a steady A List career. Jolie may be shying away from dropping Pitt because she’s afraid of a little of the Hollywood voodoo that hit Lizzie, in the form of failed career, ruined looks, failing health, etc. She needn’t worry in this case because the American public is now aiting for the opposite result and are earnestly hoping that Jolie will drop her Mattell Ken Doll, and go back to the half schizophrenic potential serial killer that they fell in lover with that (Shame that no one ever explained that to Jolie).

Anyway this brings us back to the living Legend Elizabeth Taylor. After ditching Eddie and irking the American Movie Public her life started to go down hill. I don’t know whether that was coincidence or the will of the movie gods, but her life started to get screwed up. She started playing tramps in films. She started to gain weight and lose her special appeal. She also rebounded off of Richard Burton and to an American politician which proved to be the worst marriage of her life. In fact she never totally took off the weight she gained during that unhappy union.

That left Liz in her post motion picture carer. Since she had some charisma she got by. She appeared in Dynasty, she designed a few perfumes, she may ever have done a few cartoon voice overs (she was considered for a voice in the Flintstones with John Goodman). You might say that Taylor’s career was heading in a direction that so many and event he most famous careers go – straight in to the crapper!

Taylor has one way of getting into the media again and aging. She just kept marrying and divorcing, This was once again either a case of Taylor’s flagrant disreguard of the unwritten rules of Hollywood – or that her twat was too hot to stop. So she went on her well know post movie star career as a serial marrier. IN fact the roster of Lizzie’s conquest is listed below and are as follows:

Marriages

Taylor has been married eight times to seven husbands:

  • Conrad “Nicky” Hilton (6 May 1950 – 29 January 1951) (divorced)
  • Michael Wilding (21 February 1952 – 26 January 1957) (divorced)
  • Michael Todd (2 February 1957 – 22 March 1958) (widowed)
  • Eddie Fisher (12 May 1959 – 6 March 1964) (divorced)
  • Richard Burton (15 March 1964 – 26 June 1974) (divorced)
  • Richard Burton (10 October 1975 – 29 July 1976) (divorced)
  • Note: between 1975 and 1976, Taylor was the “companion” to the Iranian ambassador to Washington, Ardeshir Zahedi. They were dubbed “the hottest couple”, and both divorced their significant others during their relationship. Taylor even traveled with him to Tehran for a time. Shah Reza Pahlavi convinced Zahedi to end his relationship with Taylor.
  • John Warner (4 December 1976 – 7 November 1982) (divorced)
  • Larry Fortensky (6 October 1991 – 31 October 1996) (divorced)

You should notice two things right away: 1.marrying Conrad Nickey Hilton gives her a Paris Hilton connection; 2, she’s been married 8 times over the past 45 years! That’s an enormous amount of emotional baggage to carry around with you! Now where you’ve got that much karma following in your track and waiting for an inconvenient moment to pounce, then it’s only a matter of time before something very inconvenient lands on you.

In this case inconvenient comes in the form of Larry Fortensky. Now if you’ll recall Liz meet Larry when they were both banged up in the Betty Ford Center – America being what it is the Betty Ford Clinic draws a real cross section of America society from washed up teen pop singers to laid of steel workers. Drugs are a great equalizer. Anyway Lizzie & Larry hit it off and next thing you know and as quick as a wink, the former Hollywood sex goddess is hitched up with a recovering alcoholic unemployed bricklayer. Just call him the original Kevin Federline.

They seemed to get along for a while. Larry doted on Liz constantly & following her around with shawls that he could suddenly toss them over her if a paparazzi was spotted lurking int he bushes. This was supposed to present the image of Larry as a caring husband, rather than what everyone thought that he was. What they thought he was is what you would think of the 40 year old man who goes after a 70+ woman with millions of dollars. Apart from dubious media stunts the pair actually seemed to get along and Larry seemed to know his place.

Now this kind of celebrity hook ups almost never ever last unless you’re James Garner or something. So naturally the Larry & Lizzie arrangement started growing apart. They divorced and Larry got a very a generous settlement (ever get the impression that Liz doesn’t kid herself?), They went their separate ways, Larry to what ever nice blue collar home that struck his fancy, and Liz to other male companions who could give her what she needed in her declining years.

Now the thing abut these amicable split ups is that they’re like dormant volcanoes waiting to erupt with destructive fury at any moment and without warning. That’s what happened to Liz later over that last man she ever married – Larry Fortensky. Seem that Lucky Larry ran into some fiduciary problems.

Now these fiduciary problems of the third degree.Mainly Larry is in default on some major loans and now is in danger of losing his home. So he’s sent out the SOS to his sugar mommy to cut him a check and keep a roof over his head, Hitting up the ex to keep you in your new home might sound like a helluva nerve – especially when too was already taken care of – except that Liz has steeped in and done this kind of thing before.

In fact Liz has repeatedly bailed Larry out of one financial jam after another. One fo the most serious was after Larry seriously injured himself falling down the stairs drunk, and was never able to do an honest days work after! Liz paid up his mortgage and then chipped in which some living money.

Once again Larry is in arrears. Since that his house has been foreclosed on. Unless he gets some immediate help, he’s gonna be out on the street. Once again he’s turned to old reliable except hat this time there’s a twist. Liz is in very frail health. By frail think Mr. Burns from the Simpsons before his regular morning defibrillation. So Lizzie isn’t actually non compete memphis to go writing out checks to some dead beat she used to screw 20 years ago when she was emotional vulnerable. So this looks like Larry might have to make it on his own. Give him the benefit of the doubt though, if he can hook up with Taylor at Betty Ford, then he jut might have what it takes to jump start his career with a spot on Celebrity Rehab, & if not that then Dancing With The Stars!

wondertrash

Money Never Sleeps & Marriage Comes Back To Haunt You

Happy ever after in the market place

Money and marriage seem to go together like love & marriage in the movies. Why not since we are living in the real world, or at least the material one. So naturally when folks get hitched up money issues get highlighted. That’s why the legal profession thought up the pre nup as a form of marriage insurance. Now a famous Hollywood ex wife is helping the law talking guys dream up some new precedents that could impact the way movies get made, for better or for worse.

Deandre Douglas is the ex wife of Michael Douglas. She was his wife back when he had a booming movie career instead of cancer. They split up some where along the way and the usual financial arrangements got made. Deandre went away quietly and Michael went off with a woman who’s seldom quiet. That’s Happily Ever After on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams.

Fast forward several years. Michael is still hitched up to Catherine Zeta Jones. He’s also make a motion picture come back with Wall Street 2 – Money Never Sleeps. The sequel is an idea you can bank on in Tinsel Town cause it’s like betting on success. The people who enjoyed you’re previous work will probably come out to see you “to be continued” stuff. That is unless you got drunk, went nuts, and turned racist or something. Then forget about it. Your celebrity career will consist of nothing but beating up your Russian girlfriend and getting your mug shot taken. But enough about Andy Dick.

Wall Street 2 did pretty good because Michael Douglas is a very talented actor director producer screen writer etc. That’s just the stuff he takes credit for and not including writing the musical score and working out some snappy choreography that unfortunately never made it in. Plus he’s a nice guy by Hollywood standards, which translates into not usually a jerk in man in the street terms. So the flick made some money.

That’s where Deandre comes in, and out of the wood work. She’s suing mike for a piece of the action. “Didn’t she get paid off already?” many of you might be asking. Sure she did. Mike might be a strong willed sex addicted ego maniac but he’s not a stinge. Then why is she coming back dogging an ill man? Well as usual there’s a catch.

the better half better have!

According to divorce law when a couple splits the better half is entitled to everything the more valuable half earned during their years together. Mike & Didi split up years ago and back when Catherine Zeta was a mere 40 year old slip of a thing. However Wall Street 2 is the sequel to a movie made when Mike was with Didi. So she’s arguing that this is a continuation of the first film. So it’s covered by community property. So she should get half of Michael’s take from the flick.

It’s an interesting legal argument that might have some basis. The idea is that this is a totally separate project. The reality is that this plays on some past work. A good portion of the film’s success comes from people having enjoyed the previous film. Deandre is entitled to her share from the original, so she has an argument for a piece of this. Whether her lawyers can get a judge to agree with that is a matter for the courts.

This is where the story gets interesting. Hollywood has been running out of good ideas ever since American writers stopped doing good novels and Andrew Lloyd Weber killed Broadway. With the usual sources of good ideas gone that makes sequels an important source of new screenplay material. So tons of these things get made. Most of them aren’t as watchable as anything Michael Douglas might do.

Now it’s no secret that almost everyone in Hollywood is as into serial marriage as they are into making sequels. It’s also common knowledge that divorces cost the big players a bundle. Steven Spielberg got taken for half his net worth when Amy Irving cut him loose. That was about 100 million at the time. Pre nups were supposed to provide the big boys with some kind of coverage. However if this goes through and sets precedent then no one’s safe anymore. That means every time some one pumps out some sequel from some thing done tens years or so ago, then the ex and her jackals could come out of the wood work to open old wounds. Since no one wants that this means the death of the sequel!

Since sequels are totally over done and an excuse to get good money out of bad films, it might be worth rooting for Deandre. She could be the woman who kills the sequel. Id f she can pull that off then she’ll have changed the way that movies get made. No more resting on past laurels. That can only be good for the industry. Just think of a film industry with no more sequels. So they can get on to making other kinds of flicks. Like stuff based on comic books, video games, and classic TV series. So you go girl!

wondertrash

American Dad

BIlly Ray Cyrus – “Hannah Montana ruined my life”


Billy Ray Cyrus is no stranger to the lime light. About 10 years ago he was a one hit wonder with his Achy Breaky Heart, his Kentucky fried good looks, and his trade mark mullet. Billy Ray’s career never recovered from his Achy Breaky Heart. That was to be his one time big hit and he kinda faded into obscurity after that. That is until he became a proud pappy to Disney wunderkin Miley Cyrus.

Miley is Billy R’s daughter. She was still a teenager when she was Disney’s Hannah Montana. The showed featured Cyrus as Montana – a teenybopper rock star with a Justin Bieber like career. The show was a hit both among teenage girls and creepy middle aged men. So Miley became a bona fide star. That meant Billy Ray got to be a household name again.

“G-String Circus”

It seemed like Billy appreciated his unlikely return to the lime light. He knew how fast it could slip away. So he not only put himself out there again, but encouraged Miley to make the most of it. He even began grooming her for her post Disney Teen career by sexing up in image in preparation for the inevitable shift into adulthood – it’s never too soon to start. He released some pictures of her on the net in more mature situations – wet t shirt in shower. He encouraged her to pose nude in Vanity Fair. Plus he liked to tell interviewers about her stripper pole that he had installed int he rec room. He described that as good clean family fun. Now that last bit would come off tacky to anyone even if their last name was Palin!

Billy Ray ain’t the first parent to get carried away while living vicariously through their kids. He won’t be the only one to have had some second thoughts along the way. In fact Billy Ray has admitted to some regrets about his daughter’s career only recently, in a GQ Magazine interview. During the course of the GQ chat Billy admits that he blames the whole Hannah Montana thing for the break up of his marriage. Then he goes on to claim that he’s been made the fall guy for his daughter. Said Billy:

“Every time the train went off the track … her people, or as they say in today’s news, her handlers, every time they’d put [the blame on] me … I took it because I’m her daddy … OK, nail me to the cross,” he told GQ.

Billy also fears that there are people around his daughter who are leading her down the wrong track – though he didn’t come right out and say anything about starwhackers. This is what he did say:

“I’m scared for her,” he said. “She’s got a lot of people around her that’s putting her in a great deal of danger. I want to get her sheltered from the storm.”

Now this sudden flood of paternal concern might have been more convincing if it had happened before Miley turned 18. Saying things like this after you loose legal custodianship over your daughter’s earnings will only make people question your motives. Like maybe you’re getting cut out of the action and want back in. So you start dropping a lot of hints and making innuendo that start adding up to “conservatorship“. That would be convenient. Especially if you don’t think of it as hijacking some one else’s life, but more like a Patriot Act for your family (coming soon to American Dad!).

https://i2.wp.com/media.daemonstv.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/AMERICAN-DAD-G-String-Circus-550x412.jpg

Though Miley is hardly Jessica SimpsonChristina AqueliraBritney Spears fucked up, she’s had her moments. Of course many of those moments were arranged by Billy Ray – but let’s not get side tracked. The point is that this is the age of intervention. That means there’s usually a good excuse to jump into some one else’s life and start meddling. Why let the fact that they’re an adult and legally entitled to live their own life stop you?

Besides why wait and take the chance that your daughter could go Britney when you could get a head start on being Jamie Spears right now? Of course the difference is that Jaime Spears didn’t maneuver his way into his daughter’s life via the media. He stepped in during an emergency, reluctantly. He remains involved at eh request of both Ms Spears and her attorneys. Recruiting support for some kind of family ambush via TMZ & the Internet is really more of a Michael Lohan type move.

https://i1.wp.com/www.bestcomiccovers.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/Body-Doubles-wonder-woman.jpg

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