Halle Berry Fallout

Fair lady – Stormy weather

Halle Berry‘s life has enough drama for any ten lunatics. It seems like there’s always a “Storm” brewing around her. Take just recently for example. Halle was enjoying Thanksgiving in her spacious home with her foreign lover Oliver Martinez when her ex foreign lover Canuck Gabby Aubry showed up with daughter Nahla as per court agreement. Court agreements might be some kinda sort spot at Casa del Berry what with Halle getting denied permission to take her daughter away from the horde of stalkers psychos and paparazzi she says is stalking her and over to the relatively safety & civility of la Belle France. Court said no way cause Nahla’s dad was just too important a part of the little girl’s life. So you can see how any reminder of the courts intrusions into Halle’s beautiful life might be unwelcome triggers for ballistics!

if you push my buttons I’ll pull your trigger

Ballistics is what happened because current and ex came to blows. To put it in a nut shell Martinez “allegedly” con fronts Aubry and tells him that the time has come to move on. That sets Aubry off – he and Martinez might share a version of the same language and (former & present) relationships with the same woman, but that’s where it ends. Gabriel raised his fist in anger – so we’re told – and let fly. Marty let him have the first one or two, but then nailed him and pinned him to the ground – breaking Gabby’s jaw and rib in the process (& and also causing unspecified head injuries).

What’s the big Hallebaloo?

Now men can be beasts. Fortunately Halle had it under control. While the men folk were busy trying to kill each other Halle got right on the phone and called the cops! Maybe inspired by her good example Martinez places battered Gabby under citizen’s arrest, and hands him over to official authority types when they arrive. Gabby is then whisked off to hospital to gets his injuries tended to, and then off to the pokey for booking. That’s cause Marty pressed charges. If you saw the lump on his highly photogenic knuckle you wouldn’t blame him either! Anyway Aubry got held on $20 000 bond or something – so that’s a couple of grand his Halle lawyers won’t get, and then was released.

more knuckle headed publicity

Now the think about Halle is that she’s a real trooper – as she herself will tell you in her “plain old crackers” way. Being an attractive superheroines has it’s difficulties, which she has had to struggle with her entire life! So when shit happens you don’t let it get to you. You keep clam and carry on as if you were normal. That’s just what Halle did, by getting out and about in public. It gave Marty a chance to show off his manly knuckle boo boo too! Here’s a picture of that.


Sometimes life hands you a turd – count on Halle to make Shit-ade out of it! Halle however is not one to leave her Shit-ade half stirred! Life goes on! So Halle was determined to get out there and display a positive attitude. Perhaps with that in mind she took young Nahla off for an enjoyable after noon out. Mother and daughter took in something called Yo Gabba Gabba . Now that’s not something Halle takes to make her easier to live with – like an L Dopa inhibitor – and washed down with a glass of that Shit-ade. Yo Gabba Gabba is a kids show that young Nahla is wild about. So Halle thought it would be good to indulge the young girl. A thoughtful way to take her wee mind off of her father’s recent beating and booking. So off they went to the Nokia Theater in Hollywood (though it should be mentioned that Halle pronounces “theater” as “theatre” now, because she’s with a Frenchman and planning on moving to France).

Halle goes from ballistic to staging a small invasion!

Halle’s a thoughtful woman and this time she thought of everything. For instance when she went to Yo Gabba she covered the angels. That means she traveled with an armed escort. You might think that I’m exaggerating or perhaps even being sarcastic when I write that If Benazir Bhutto had traveled around with this kind of goon squad she’s be alive today! Just to show that I’m on the level in everything I write, here’s a photo of Halle & Delta Force 1!

You & what army?

The above might seem a little bit excessive but don’t blame Halle. Some mothers are over protective! Besides – you cynically suspicious celebrity gossip readers – how do you even know that the armed guard is for Halle and Nahla? It might be for Martinez. Think about it – he popped his good knuckle mangling Aubry’s face. So now he’s defenseless, while Aubry still has many other body parts to work with! What if Aubry pops out of the bushes and ambushes Marty? Why he might attack Marty’s foot with the seat of his pants or something. So naturally Martinez must be terrified. Halle, being the thoughtful woman she is, may have called out an armed guard to keep things under control, because she wants this relationship to work, for a change.

Coming soon – more of the same?

So far we’ve had a Thanksgiving Day Fist Fight, a military style invasion of the Nokia Theater, or Theatre, in addition to numerous court battles. So many of you might be now asking “What next?” If you are then you haven’t been paying attention. What comes next is probably gonna be more court battles & legal issues. The big question is how far is it gonna go, how long can it go on, and how crazy is it gonna get? To find out the answers to those question you might have to keep reading Wondertrash, the blog that gives celebrities the benefit of the doubt no matter how far fetched it might be! That goes double when they’re a super heroine!

bullshit disclaimer

Coming Soon – Shocking Scandals! 

Angelina Jolie – things are as bad as you thought!

There are some stories currently in development that could quite literally shake the entertainment world straight to it’s foundations. I can’t too much about what we’re cooking up but this picture was recently smuggled out of Angelina Jolie’s residence and confirms some worst suspicions!

In other news: though Anne Hathaway is now happily married tot he guy she was dating for several years, the sad news is that she is still a mind control MK Ultra monarch slave! That was reported right here on this blog back when she had her programming meltdown on the Conan O Brien show and broke out in rap. Anne has starred in many MK Ultra themed movies over the years starting with the Princess Diaries (hidden bloodline programming) followed up by Ella Enchanted ( Magical Power Slave script). Hopefully Anne will break free of the terrible mind control used to keep her enthralled. Meanwhile remember that you don’t get this kind of dish from Tila Tequila!

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Halle Berry’s ex takes a beating

Halle is hell

Something was bound to happen after Halle Berry lost that custody case and it has happened with a vengeance. It started innocently enough when her ex Gabriel Aubry dropped their daughter off at Berry’s home following a custodial visit. Berry’s current guy Oliver Martinez was there and friction developed.  According to reports Martinez walked up to Gabby and said something. Gabby took a swing. Martinez then proceeded to beat the living shit out of Aubry. Beat the living shit in this case means that Aubry got a busted rib, broken jaw, and other unspecified head injuries. So Aubrey had to go to hospital  Then Martinez charged him – that’s adding insult to injury! Martinez was working over time this Thanksgiving because when the cops showed up he proceeded to make a citizens arrest!

Halle Berry was the unfortunate referee of a fight between ex-boyfriend Gabriel Aubry and current fiancé Olivier Martinez on Thursday morning. The fight left Aubry hospitalized and in jail. Martinez was taken to the hospital, but released.The two men got in a verbal argument that quickly escalated to a physical altercation, according to reports. The fight took place at Berry’s home on Thanksgiving morning, and the two have had known problems in their relationships with Berry. She recently lost a court petition to move to France with daughter Nahla and Martinez.Berry was the one to call the police, and Martinez issued a citizen’s arrest of Aubry in order to keep the calm until police could arrive. Aubry was first taken to the hospital, where he was treated for a broken rib and facial contusions. He was then released into the custody of the Los Angeles police and, at last report, is still awaiting booking.

They say that every cloud has a silver lining but it’s hard to find a bright spot here, except possibly the realization that some one some where is having a way worse Thanksgiving than you are, and having it in the can with their mug on the tabs (and in blogs such as this one!). That can actually be a little reassuring, depending on how bad your day has been going.

So let’s see what He does for poor Gabriel Aubry. God hasn’t dealt with Halle Berry lately.

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Paris Hilton says gays are "disgusting"

Paris Hilton recently got recorded describing homosexuals in less than flattering terms. In fact she describes them in terms that other people usually use to describe her! You can hear for yourself by playing the video below, & after turning down the Alex Jones audio player above.

Some people have pointed out that Paris is probably not the person to talk about sexual promiscuity, or diseases either, if the Valtrex rumours are true. Guess Mitt Romney glad he didn’t say anything like that!

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Pistol Packin’ Pippa

Riding the carousel of hope

Celebrities are people who like to pretend that they’ve done something. That’s a compromise between the desire to be important and whatever is holding them back, like fear & insecurity, laziness, complacency, or a deep vein of laize faire. Many of them recognize this – perhaps through a deep process of introspection or just the usual therapy, and that can draw them into various kinds of activism. This is an election year so you’ll see that soon.

enough to stop you in your tricks

Incidentally the difference between politicians and celebrities is that celebs like to pretend that they’ve done something and politicians like to pretend that they haven’t. Remember the time when Richard M Nixon swore up and down that he wasn’t a crook? Nixon’s problem was that he just wasn’t a very good actor. So one thing that you can say about actors is that at least pretending to do stuff is less dangerous than actually doing stuff, most of the time.

The Circus comes to Paris – more unforgettable royal moments

Sometimes pretending to do something can backfire. That’s what happened to Pippa Middleton recently on a trip to Paris. For the half dozen or so people who don’t know Pippa Middleton is the younger sister of the Duchess of MiddletonPrince William’s new bride Mrs. Kate Windsor. She’s a cute girl who became even more attractive through her sister’s new found cache. So she’s kind of a British Bristol Palin. She was rumored to be involved with William’s younger brother Prince Harry for awhile but whenever he’s asked about it he laughs and shakes his head. Harry’s known to be a bit impulsive and trouble prone but no one really wants to be involved with Pips cause she brings the circus to town. No one that is except the few brave souls who went out in public with her during her recent Parisian excursion. That turned out badly.

Pippa the pistol

Pippa was out and about seeing and being seen while riding around town in an Audi and accompanied by some hoity-toity friends like fashion mogul Arthur de Soultrait. You can imagine how many friends you make when your parents are millionaires and your sister is married to the Prince of Wales! It was Soultrait’s birthday recently so no doubt everyone was still feeling on top of the world. So when they noticed some pesky paparazzi tailing them it was understandable that some youth high spiritless ensued. By high spiritedness I mean that there was an ‘incident’. The police weren’t so understanding because the incident involved a gun.

Pippa & co. vs the scuttlebutt shutterbugs

Seems that when Pippa & co. noticed that shutterbugs were on their tail they responded like Capt. Kirk when there are Klingon’s off the starboard bow! One of Pips’ companions whipped out a gun and then took aim straight at one of the cameramen. From the pics that are now circulating around the world the guy drew a bead right on the paparazzo! That’s a kind of unfair duel since the paps is shooting pictures. In an information age that left Pips friend outgunned.

especially scandalous

Now the reason this is especially scandalous is that France has some very strict gun laws. It goes back to the whole war on terrorism thing. France was one of the ‘coalition of the willing’ if you’ll recall. It’s only natural that they would’ve been supportive since then American President George W Bush is a descendant of French nobleman and founding member of the Knights Templar Godfrey de Bouillon (The Templars have been threatening a reunion for years, just like one of those classic 70’s rock bands). Supportive is fine but it can have side effects like restrictive laws and TSA groin grabs!

who would’ve guessed that the war on terror would eventually catch a celebrity?

In this case one of the results were some restrictive fire arms laws. For instance it is absolutely forbidden to use a gun to warn people off. If you have a license of a gun you must keep is covered at all time and out of sight of the public. If you break the law you could wind up spending 7 years behind bars. Now the guy is claiming that the gun was a fake and everyone – not surprisingly – is agreeing with him. Though the only thing you can tell from the pictures is that the gun appears to be a semi automatic & pointed at a photographer, even the paparazzo is swearing up and down that it was a toy. If the gun is a fake they could still send the guy away for 2.

Worst Case Ontario

What this means is that the police will be investigating. Pippa’s world famous body could even be hauled in for questioning. That’s bad enough but in a worst case scenario:

“If the evidence points to [Pippa Middleton’s] involvement, she will be prosecuted,” a judicial source told Us Weekly. “Anybody involved in the illegal use of a handgun in public is liable to arrest and interrogation.”

spinning it old school

Not that it’s likely to happen. Pippa wasn’t holding the gun. The guy sittin’ beside her is probably in a world of trouble right now though. The Royal Family is kind of in a state too. They’ve been contacted for a comment. That’s just the kind of a call they sit around eagerly waiting for. They responded with real enthusiasm too. A Royal Spokesperson said that since Pippa is not a member of the Royal Family then it’s not the Royal Family’s responsibility. That’s how you say “No comment now fuck off” in upper class britspeak.

the way I see it – like a live grenade with the Pip pulled out

So where does this leave us? There’s a young man in Paris looking at criminal charges cause he had the misfortune to be sitting next to Pippa Middleton (& sitting next to her is like sitting next to a grenade with the pin pulled out – you never know when it’s gonna go off!). Plus the Royal Family are sitting around wondering how much trouble Pippa is gonna make for them. The Middletons have no doubt got an earful from their other daughter – the good one – who no doubt got it from her husband who got it from his father Prince Charles who got it direct from the Queen or by way of Prince Phillip, depending on the seriousness of the situation. That’s called a chain reaction.

dodging bullets like Wonder Woman

So the Middletons, who are an ambitious family that just got the biggest break they could ever get are probably sitting around wondering how to make Pippa tow the line. That probably has Pippa reflecting that having a Duchess as your big sister is no fun sometimes. So when Prince Harry laughs and shakes his head about her then maybe he’s a wiser young man than everyone has taken him for. In other worlds Pippa’s a bad girl to be standing next to in a lightening storm! Then again many celebrities are dangers to themselves and others.

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Worst Oscar Dresses of All Time

The Oscars are almost upon us. As Hollywood movie industry award shows go this is the high holiday. So it’s easy to get carried away. That’s why it’s important to keep it in proportion. It doesn’t really matter who wins what for some movie most of the viewers either never saw or have long forgotten about. What really matters is who wears what!

John Galliano did get a kind of dishonorable mention last time around. That was when Natalie Portman took time out of her Black Swan acceptance speech to castigate JG for certain drunken comments that he’d carelessly allowed to be recorded while he was living it up on the streets of Paris! If you’ll recall John took some time to explain that Adolph Hilter just might have been a wee little bit misunderstood. Some how his point got lost qand he got charged. convicted and fined $50 000 under France’s hate speech laws.

Former sex kitten Bridget Bardot got herself in similar hot water through her many nuisance letters to the french papers in which she repeatedly questioned why Muslims were allowed to live in France. Eventually the law caught up with her and she had even more opportunity to explain her views in a french court room. Not that BB should be accused of fanning the flames of global unrest by picking on Muslims. For one thing her ideas are probably just something that she picked up off of her National Front hubby. For another she’s used to a certain amount of attention which is harder to get as you get older and start looking like an ice cream Sunday that was left out on the dash board of a car over the course of a hot summer afternoon. BB has shown that an old broad can still turn heads and raise eyebrows, she just has to try harder and learn to be way more inventive over time!

The upshot is that fashion is as important to the event as a lot of prestige films. A really good designer gown can get an actress talked about, even if no one knows what the hell she starred in to get her an Oscar invite (pay attention Katherine Heigl!). ON the other hand wrapping yourself in an eyesore only makes a spectacle of yourself and get’s you in the WTF section of the National Enquirer – regardless of whatever sterling performance you put in that year. So if you don’t want your good wrok overshadowed by a wardrobe fuck up, or if you want you lackluster work overshadowed by a fashion win, you’d better be mindful to dress for success! Now here’s a brief and informative video on fashion and the Oscars!

Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

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French Orgies, Strauss-Kahn Questioned In Prostitution Case

Politics would be way more interesting if it were a little more like show business. Not that politics is show business for boring people – only that it could use some more pizzazz. That’s they way they do it in France. Over there things get wild. At least they do for Dominic Strauss Kahn. He got in some trouble a while back ofr allegedly assaulting a made in New York. Eventually the charges got dropped when it turned out that she was unsure of her testimony and that started everyone talking set up.

DSK wasn’t gonna be staying out of hot water for long though, cause he’s back in the middle of another big sloppy sex scandal. This time there’s more than enough evidence to keep him busy worming his way out of tings for awhile. For instance there’s talk about strippers, and wild French sex orgies! It’s just the kind of over the top scandal American politics could use right now to shake of some of the grey pin strip blandness that’s dogging the Republican primaries (those of you who’d been hoping Newt Capt. Moonbase Gingrich would liven things up have been disappointed)! Let’s face it, when it comes to show business style politics Strauss Kahn is a Rat Packin’ Frank Sinatra of a rogue who makes the American politicos look like a pack of limp eyed armless children. You’re a totally bitchin’ rock star from Mars dude! Just tell those Gnarly Gnarlintons to lighten up and fuck off! If the bitches don’t like that then go out and trash a hotel room!

Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

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Never say never again

Remember how Halle Berry said that she’d never get married again? Well it’s a lady’s prerogative to change her mind and Berry has announced her engagement to Oliver Martinez. Now Halle had previously denied being engaged to Martinez. You can’t blame her for that since Oliver lives way over in France and Berry is involved in some kid of heated custody battle with her ex Gabriel Aubry right now. So there would be no use in upsetting everyone by coming out and saying something too soon. It might only give them more time to react! Timing is everything, and the element of surprise might not hurt either!

You see Halle has also recently filed to take daughter Nahla out of the country and over to France – the home of her prospective new beau. Naturally Gabby is opposed – damned opposed. He flipped a lid when Halle had to go to South Africa for a film. That was only for three months. This arrangement could be temporarily permanent. So there’s got to be some bad blood boiling up.

Gabby is fighting it but his case could be weakened by his recent alleged altercation with a former Nanny. Gabs had Nahla for the day and didn’t feel like sending daughter to school. She’s only 3 and why should he burn up a major chunk of his court appointed daddy time by sending his daughter out to Montessori school (that’s some kind of elite brainwashing programming for show business kids – the pass word is “arugula”). So he let her stay home. When nan comes to pick the kid up she demands to know the score. Gabs asks what the fuck it is to her and an alleged shoving match ensues. Then Gabs – who denied the incident took place in the way the nanny said it did – was ordered off for anger management.

After that there were tons of pap shots of Halle, Ollie, and Nahla out and about and looking like a merry little family. Not that she was deliberately trying to rub Gabs’ nose in it. Halle don’t play that way cause she just ain’t that kind of gal. Anyway something seemed to be building up and now we have it. The big plan seems to be hitching with Martinez and moving to Europe. Hopefully this whole thing isn’t some spiteful little plan to stick it to Aubry. That might turn her marriage to Martinez into an unfortunate fiasco – & that probably won’t end well.

Speaking of popularity Gisele Bundchen has been getting a lot of flack lately. That’s because she kind of blasted the Pats performance in the previous Superbowl. She said something about her husband Tom Brady not being able to throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time. She added a fuck in there probably for emphasis.

The Superbowl it a kind of sacred and semi religious event among the American Sports Fanatic. So unsportsmanlike like comments by some one not directly involved might be on the border of the acceptable. It would be like accusing a priest of stealing out of the collection plate would’ve been, back in the days before everyone found out what many of them actually did. Many people felt they were over the line and Gisele has been getting every sort of crap even and including comparing her to Jessica Simpson, accusing her of ruining Brady, and jinxing the Pats. Not that she spends night’s under a full moon summoning demons & boiling up her menstrual blood in a cauldron, so she can slip her witch’s brew into Brady’s morning smoothie. “There darling, how was that?”, “Emasculating, dear!” Though to hear the Internet posters go on it might not surprise them much if she did.

So far the only one to speak up for Gisele has been her sister angel Adriana Lima. When caught of guard and quizzed about Bundchen’s comments in a recent interview Lima respondedLeave her alone“. Gisele herself hasn’t addressed the touchy issue. She’s probably enough enough shits with her hubs and his colleagues. Besides those other players wives have never ever liked her. I heart that they’ve ostracized her from the moment she became partof teh Patriots family, and exclude her at team wive functions. The same sort of thing happened to Joey Heatherton back when she married a Dallas Cowboy, and may have eventually driven the poor woman to drink.

Anyway Bunders ain’t said anything about what she said, but she has been tweetin’. In fact one of her recent post bowl tweets involved this new add for Givinchey. Let’s take a little peep at that and remind ourselves of the Gisele that Gisele used to be back when she was admired for parading around in her underwear, instead of despised for speaking in public!

Of course some caution should be used before blaming a woman for spoiling the Superbowl. If a woman spoils the Superbowl then a woman will have to save the Superbowl, and what woman could do that?
That would create a locker room situation!

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