Those Were The Days

I have seen the future and it’s a repeat
up up and away in my beautiful balloon

So what’s happened to Jon Gosselin since Jon & Kate + 8? Well what hasn’t happened to him? After he had his high profile falling out with the dragon lady he went on a sex spree dating women such like as Hailey Glassman and Kate Major. Hailey Glassman was the daughter of Kate’s plastic surgeon and a party girl of Jersey Shore caliber. Kate Major was a tabloid reporter with Star Magazine who rebounded onto another fringe celebrity you might have heard of – some guy named Michael Lohan. Jonno was more than a play boy party guy on the loose though; he also briefly designed some shit for Ed Hardy – which is the line of men’s clothes that looks like it was based on those black light posters from the 70’s, and he tried to cook up some reality TV scheme with the aforementioned Michael Lohan. About the only stones he left unturned were sending on of his infamous brood up in a hot air balloon, and dating Paris Hilton.

https://i0.wp.com/fc03.deviantart.net/fs49/i/2009/226/e/1/Jon_And_Kate_by_GahbeeScreamz.jpg


it’s like you’re a pin and I’m a needle – so who’s more of a prick?

The public only put up with this shit for as long as they did because they felt a little sorry for him. All of America had seen the way Kate berated and belittled him in front of a national audience. That is if you consider constantly referring to him as pathetic and useless is belittling. Some might call it emasculating. However went Jon so far that he managed to irk the nation.

picking the lesser of two evils

They weren’t so fond of Kate either. She was appearing every where there was a TV camera; like the View, on book tours, Dancing With the Stars, you name it. If there was a camera and a pay check she was there with her hen’s arse hair cut and flashing her grim steely grin. She got a few other appearances she might not have liked, such as the magazine cover showing her smacking on one of the sextuplets, and that infamous youtube video telling one of her thirsty brood to shut up as the child begged for water. The fact that she badgered one of the assistants for bottled water, took a couple of sips in front of her child, then put it away out of reach didn’t do much for her public image. Not since Steve Irwin dangled his new born son in front of a hungry croc had the world been so outraged with such atrocious parenting. So in spite of the fact that The Learning Channel retooled, or detooled, the show into Kate Plus 8, the viewing public began losing interest. They just wanted these two awful people to go away.

what goes up must come down

That left the gruesome twosome facing hard times. Kate started crying about making ends meet and being near bankruptcy. Since she was living in a 2 or 3 million dollar home most people thought “yeah, go cry to Octomom“. “I got a lead on a really great nanny from Jenny McCartney but maybe can’t afford her unless you keep watching my show and buying my shit” ain’t a line to elicit sympathy from people who go out and work for their keep. Only threatening to go into porn as a last resort might have motivated people to continue supporting her reality TV show.

Jon leaves show business for serious work in ecology – There goes the environment!

People who work for their keep now ironically includes Kate’s ex Jon. Kate might’ve been able to get some public appearance work, but no one wanted to see hide or rapidly receding hair of Jon. So he wound up far away from smart nightclubs, Vegas casinos, and celebrity bottom feeders of the Charlie Sheen goddesses variety. In fact he wound up installing solar panels for Green Pointe Energy in Penn. What can you say besides “easy come easy go” except “don’t forget to write“?

it’s not a make up…

It looked like Jon had gone straight but he hadn’t abandoned the public. He kept his ever dwindling followers updated via his Twitter account. That’s where the world learned that he might be reconciling with Kate. Actually the world didn’t learn about it that way. The world had stopped paying attention long ago. The tabloids learned about it and passed the news on, probably to fill some space. What Jon was saying via the most over used celebrity medium yet in existence was “No I am not back with Kate“. He felt the need to say that because he had been seen seeing her again.

keep on tweetin’

So what got into him? Jon also tweeted that “I am acutely aware of the mistakes I made in 2009, and I am ashamed of the choices I made“. That’s a little long for Twitter so maybe his publicist came up with it. Then again Jon doesn’t have a publicist, so it’s probably some kind of cut and paste deal. Anyway the upshot of the whole business is – besides that Jon has learned a lot of self help double talk about “owning his actions“, which is what people say instead of “taking responsibility” – that Jon appears to be reconsidering the break up.


… we’re just taking back the break up

Friends of Kate say that she’s considering taking baby steps with Jon (there’s been enough patter of little feet in that arrangement already!). Not that she regrets divorcing Jon cause she says explicitly that doesn’t, or at least some unnamed friend said that on her behalf to the Globe. It’s just that things haven’t been the same since those heady jet set days of their reality TV show, and Kate’s multi million dollar book deals and speaking tours.

getting high on a lot of hot air

So you can’t blame the kooky kids for getting a little nostalgic for the good old days, and maybe even trying to recapture some of that special magic they shared. High powered celebrity was a role Kate seemed to fall into with disturbing ease. Almost as easily as she fell from grace. The thing is that a lot of water has passed under the bridge since then. The viewing public had doubts about encouraging bad behavior ever since Richard Heene faked sending his kid up in a home made hot air balloon. People were so outraged that not even insisting that it was supposed to be a UFO hoax could placate them! After the Duggars America decided that the family values trend had to be discouraged.

Friends with Valtrex

So TV has moved on from dysfunctional families. Today’s viewer is more interested drunken dyed orange teenagers who sleep around, fight, and occasionally do laundry (think of Jersey Shore as Friends on Valtrex!), then in wondering how far momma’s gonna go or how many kids she’s gonna pop out to keep the show going and the checks coming. So the sad truth is that times have changed and the world has moved on past Jon & Kate. Sometimes you can’t go back home again, even if you invite your old TV crew back for the family reunion.

https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/_XM-OgI8GaeU/TALweLUuYmI/AAAAAAAAKHw/fQmmubkHdpM/Noname.jpg

BTW some of you might have noticed that there’s something real in the world. Japan is in a hell of a state. Many celeb gossip follower enjoy a little break from too much reality. However this time there’s something that you can really do. Like adding your two cents worth in a way that really matters. Just try this:

Text REDCROSS to 30333 in CANADA & In the USA Text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10. Japan needs you!

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Dog Days for Megan Fox

Sarah Palin and Kate Gosselin conspire to destroy American television!

Looks like good news bad news depending on how you feel about Mel Gibson and reality TV. An unofficial, and there fore unscientific, online poll hosted by news site Zimbio has 74% of persons poled claiming that they would see another Mel Gibson movie. That’s almost as many as would avoid watching a new Bristol Palin Levi Johnston reality TV series! So who knows – there may actually be something to this; the pole I mean, and not that awful reality TV series that the Palins are planning. BTW I hear that the real reason why Mother Gosselin has gone of to visit Sister Sarah in Alaska is that they have appalling plans for a joint reality TV venture!

before Megan, after Fox

Now that reality is out of the way it’s back to the movies. Megan Fox used to have a promising career before she publicly mouthed off about director Michael Bay. It was all a part of her “straight shooter” routine. I say routine because they say in Follywood that when you can fake sincerity you’ve got it made. Megan may have faked it not wisely but too well since Bay took umbrage (got pissed off!). Some of his minions (flunkies) also began posting shit about her online; like that she’s a semi literate, half retarded TV actress with too much plastic surgery and a diva complex.

Bay unofficially mad; Megan officially out of a job

Once Megan figured out that Bay was unofficially mad she packed up the straight talk and put her motor mouth in reverse gear. At an awards show she publicity expressed her gratitude to Bay and the Transformers film franchisewhich has given me so much“. In another interview Mouthy Megan says that Transformers gave her a world, since before that she was sitting around eating Ramen Noodles. Informed Megan followers will probably doubt that she ever said any such thing since she started on a little show called Faith & Hope for 5 years, so it’s not like she was a complete nobody. Besides she confided to Conan O Brien, during an interview, that her favorite food is found at Red Lobster, and not in boil in the bag pouches! Now lest you accuse me of trying to put words in Megan’s mouth, here’s that Ramen Noodle interview, from Australian TV.

pretty disappointed & a fleet of lead balloons

I am so very disappointed in that young woman! Megan’s pretty disappointed too since Michael Bay went from being unofficial mad to officially dropping her from T3! Megan had other irons in the fire, like Jennifer’s Body *smirk* and Jonah Hex *snicker*. Still when your immediate career plans consist of a bunch of films that will drop faster than a fleet of lead balloons, it doesn’t hurt to have a guy like Bay in your corner.

new It

Maybe that’s why Megan is royally pissed about Transformers new addition. The new addition is Victoria’s Secret model Rosie Huntington Whiteley, who has been hired to play Shia LaBeouf’s new love interest (man for a nerd that guy gets some real action – on screen anyway!). Now Rosie is a VS/underwear model so she has tons of previous experience when it comes to standing around looking hot & stupid. So much so that the entertainment media is calling her the new It Girl. That’s what has Megger’s knickers in a knot.

The old new It Girl & Coming Up Rosie

You see Meggers used to be the new It Girl, back when she had a viable movie career. In fact she’s still attached to the title. Coming in second regularly in those online World’s Hottest polls can be an important ego booster! Now everything is coming up Rosie. In fact RHW is booked up in magazine covers right up until the July 4rth 2011 Transformers 3 release. Those covers don’t just help promote the film but are also a valuable source of income, so that’s a lot of work! That has Meggers muttering under her breath, and often right out loud, about how this just isn’t right. Megan puts it more bluntly: she refers to Rosie as that “Victoria’s Secret slut” and complains about the amount of attention the young woman is getting. It’s reassuring that Meggers hasn’t lost that refreshing directness we’ve come to associate with her!

“Hi. You might remember me. I used to be the next Angelina Jolie.”

While Megan might be mad others are pleased with the change up, like the film’s crew. They’re describing RHW as a great change, specifically she’s a ‘real doll’, ‘sweet’, and ‘a joy to work with’. The inference then being that this is a change because Meggers was none of those things. In fact behind the scenes scuttlebutt is that the whole crew loves The New It Girl. So that leaves Megan stuck with her title of The Old New It Girl. (I suppose that means Angelina Jolie is officially still the It Girl but unofficially the Old It Girl). As masseuse botherer Al Gore could tell her, being the former next something without actually having been anything ain’t gonna get you anywhere!

if sex stills sells will Movies Inc bring sexy back?

Still there is some hope. The movie could tank. Then the new it girl will get blamed and the studio will want the old new it girl back. With money at stake it would be out of Bay’s hands. Producers outrank directors in the Follywood pecking order as directors outrank leading A list actors/actresses. Studio executives outrank the lot and they only think about deals and the bottom line (that’s why we have so many films based on comic books and old TV shows these days!). The executroids won’t want money squandered on a personal grudge, and so might lay down the law to force Bay to bring Fox back out of the dog house.

The face is familiar but what the hell was the name again? Worst movie moniker since Arnold Schwarzenegger!

Besides, Rosie Huntington Whiteley has almost no chance of making it as an actress. For one thing her name is almost too long to be remembered. That’s okay as a model; people only have to remember your face. As an actress they’ve got to remember your name. Hers would be tough to keep in mind without a 3×5 index card. So unless she changes it to something like Rose Hunt, or even Apu de Beaumarchais, she might have to go back to staring blankly into still cameras to earn her keep. In which case the next whirlwind 12 months of Transformers promotional magazine covers will be excellent experience – & save some money kid. You wouldn’t want to wind up as the next Megan Fox!

BTW there’s something that really needs to be addressed. Those stories going around about Anne Hathaway sneaking around Comic Con disguised as Hawkgirl are probably false.


Anne Hathaway hawkgirl comic conAnne Hathaway hawkgirl comic con
Also if you like Hollywood history check out

All about Oscar: the history and politics of the Academy Awards

Von Emanuel Levy

on googlebooks!

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"DWTS" Says Goodbye to Kate Gosselin

All My Children

It’s very rarely that there’s any genuine good news to post about celebrities, but today’s the day. The good news is about celebrity turbo womb Kate Gosselin. She’s finally gotten axed from Dancing With the Stars! It must be a great relief to be able to get back to the children who mean so much to her!

search for tomorrow

Kate had hung on for weeks despite poor performances, and antagonizing her dance partner to tears. Meanwhile her sleazoid hubby Jon claimed that all the time away on the dance floor and hobnobbing it with the likes of Pam Anderson made Kate an even more unfit mom. I guess he was concerned about who was minding the kids. Kate insisted that she needed her DWTS gig to feed her numerous brood – you can’t feed 8 kids working @ McDonald’s. Besides they would be safe with their 3 or 4 nannies while Kate doing her thing. (Now you don’t hear Octomom complaining about supporting her children, and she logs in 4 hours at the gym 3 or 4 times a week!)

meanwhile, in another world

That lead to Jon threatening to sue for custody. That option had a lot of wins for Jon: he could stop paying child support (since Kate has to do DWTS I guess that Jon isn’t very supportive), and he could claim child support from her. He could probably even land a few TV spots and paydays himself. No one wants it to come to that!

Edge of fright

That brings us to last night. Kate was going head to head with Polyethylene Pam. Pam pulled out all the stops too. Kate might have eight mouths to feed, but Pam has 2 giant breasts to support. Plus she’s under a mountain of debt. Pam, showing her usually image savvy, dolled herself up like Dolly Parton. Meanwhile Kate lumbered around the dance floor like she was on Valinumb! She probably couldn’t take her mind off of her 8 kids watching their mom on TV. Upshot was that Kate lost.

As the stomach turns

That lead to some waterworks from Mean Momma Kate. Those who thought that they’d never see her cry must’ve been shocked. As tears flowed fearly, Kate thanked everyone she worked with, the dance partner she antagonized to a near breakdown (he must be happy that the ordeal is over), and everyone who provided her with such an amazing opportunity. Who knew that Kate could wear her heart on her sleeve like that, or that she even had one – a heart I mean. She can afford good sleeves. She could probably afford a heart too, but she opted for the tummy tuck. At least she didn’t start on about the kids being disappointed because they won’t be seeing her on DWTS next week. They see her so seldom as it is!

At least her mascara didn’t start running, ’cause that would’ve been too much!

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Kate Gosselin is a mean mean drama queen!

Postmortem Gosselins – post modern Brady Bunch


Dancing With the Stars
has reminded America of just how big a bitch Kate Gosselin is. When her dancing partner threw up his hands and walked out on her it underscored everything we already knew and had put to the back of our minds. Kate picked out a spineless nice guy to use as a sperm donor/eye dropper. Some one who could be easily bullied into towing the line later on, no matter how carried away Kate might get and how zany her schemes might become. Some might have called it a smart plan that covers the angles. It didn’t cover one important angle though, and that is absolutely nobody can put up with Kate’s shit!

Competition: If you smoke you’re brains out I’ll smoke my head off. Anything you can do I can do better!

The show did something else. It’s gotten Jon Gosselin to take an active interest in his numerous offsprings’ lives. Jon seemed to get side tracked while escaping from Stalag +8. The poor boy got lost in a succession of sleazy broads and seedy schemes like a drunk who’s won the lottery. His first taste of freedom ever must’ve gone right to his and, and then on through.

Conjectures of a guilty spectator

When the trainwreck had gone far enough the same crowd who egged them on like spectators howling “jump” at a suicide scene suddenly decided that Kate and Jon were horrible people and were too disgusting to watch. Lawyers scooped up the money as Jon and Kate squabbled with each other. Soon Jon was out of the series and Kate was out of money. That’s when TLC decided to put the show on hiatus – perhaps to be replaced by another real life tattoo parlor series (How could Kat Von D not have hooked up with Jesse James? She’s gotta be his dream girl!).

Courting Kate in this best of all possible worlds

Kate landed her DWTS gig. Jon narrowly missed landing in jail. However Jon now feels that Kate is spending too much time bullying her dancing partner and not enough time tyrannizing over her family. It’s something like “Why would you want to be an absentee mother when you could go on being an unfit mother at home?” So Jon is taking Kate to court to sue for primary custody. That would be a good deal not only for the kids but all the way around. Jon could stop paying Kate child support and start collecting it from her. That’s called “win-win” in the Jon Gosselin playbook ( … and you didn’t think that there was such a thing as a Jon Gosselin playbook!). It also means that any future deal making has to be done through the custodial parent in this best of all possible worlds. It’s spring, and everything is coming up Gosselin.

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Jon Gosselin In Playgirl?

We’re going to be seeing more of Jon Gosselin, although most of us have already seen enough. PLaygirl Magazine has offered America’s most famous under endowed super father 20 000 to reveal everything in their magazine. Jon has something to prove too, since both his wife and one of his former mistresses have publicly disparaged his masculinity! Besides, he can use the money, too.

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Kate Gosselin does DWTS

http://www.youtube.com/get_player

The ladies are a real mixed bag this time: in addition to Kate Gosselin there Erin Andrews who’s looking for some image redemption after her unfortunate peep hole video scandal, and Pamela Anderson who will do anything, anywhere, anytime since falling into over 1 million in debt. Platinum tiled swimming pools don’t come cheap, and that’s in addition to her other rumored expensive habits.

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Hailey Glassman says the closest Jon Gosselin has been to being over hung is hung over!

Happy VD!

They were a big item back when Jon Gosselin still despised his estranged wife Kate. He was the star of TLC’s high rated “Jon & Kate + 8” – the show about the couple with too many kids. She is Hailey Glassman, the daughter of the plastic surgeon who performed Kate’s complimentary nips and tucks. Jon decided that a younger woman would be more interesting than his wife’s newly tightened folds and creases – so he stopped eating shit and made a break for it.

Hailey was pretty vocal about the relationship at the time. She claimed that Jon Gosselin was the love of her life (even though Ole Jon looks like he couldn’t get laid in a whore house with a fist full of 50 dollar bills!). She claimed that Kate was certifiable (she was on to something there, though even a stopped clock is right twice a day!). She also said that she wasn’t in it for the obvious reasons. She didn’t want her 15 minutes of fame and “you can take them back. I just want Jon!”

Well now Ms. Glassman has changed her tune. She’s been pretty disparaging of her former lover, in an interview granted to Stepping Out. I’m not surprised that the relationship fizzled. Jon’s just not the guy she ‘fell in love with’. For one thing he’s unemployed. For another thing he’s unemployable (forbidden from working in TV due to his TLC contract). He’s also up to his neck in debt and flat broke.

So what did Jon bring to the table besides slim pickens?

So what was left to keep them together? Not his winning personality! According to Glassman in her Stepping Out interview Jon was a ‘textbook sociopath’ who tried top frame her for robbery! His wit was a weak as his charm according to the scorned woman who also went on to quote her grande amor as saying, of his sexuality ‘You know how subconscious [sic] I am of down there.’ That brings us to strike three. Jon is very small according to the mistress who went out of her way to be seen with him only short months ago. She claims that ‘Jon was hung like a 9 year old’ and no more than 3 inches even when in the firing position. This was even something of a joke between her and her mom. Here’s a little more of what Hailey said:

”He’s hung like a nine-year-old boy,” she says. “I’m serious. This is true…3 inches.” Anything else to add on the subject, Hailey?

* “Anybody who sleeps with him will notice. It’s very noticeable. It’s so tiny, tiny, tiny.”
* “I would laugh about it with my mom.”
* “He said, ‘You know how subconscious [sic] I am of down there.’”
* “I would tell him to his face, ‘I don’t think you would cheat on me because you’re so small.’ I would tell him that all the time.”

Now that explains why she dumped his ass. That only leaves her to explain what she was doing with him in the first place – besides the obvious. If she times it right she can come up with something just in time for Valentine’s Day. She better make it good too. So far she hasn’t said anything that Hallmark could reprint on any of their VD cards!

BTW Hailey Glassman’s interview comes hot on the heels for some more high profile blabber. Here are the highlights:

http://www.youtube.com/get_player

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