Elisabetta Canalis & Steve-O Dating?

George Clooney ex shameful out of control down ward spiral continues!

Can it be true that Elisabetta Canalis is dating that Jackass guy? If the name Elisabetta Canalis sounds vaguely familiar it’s because she previously dated Gorgeous George Clooney. Then she got caught up in a drugs and prostitution scandal in which George Clooney almost had to testify – there were some hi profile types in on that. So Lizzie had to go.

She went to Dancing With the Stars. Now she’s moved on! Of course this may not really be trading up. No shame Lizzie, cause Georgie’s a notoriously hard man to pin down. better women than you have tried and failed – I’m talking cocktail waitresses and Vegas showgirls!

another mag’s Angie is a one man Armie

In other news Angie Harmon is covering Vogue – no wait it’s Armie Hammer; not that those two are easily mistaken for one another. It’s just that there are so many celebrities today that they start to bleed together.

Aguilera is juicy – & messed up worse than a shit house rat

So it might be a rough day for Angie and Lizzie but there are those worse off, like Christina Aguilera. She’s still over weight, and in the following pic something seems to be trickling down her right leg – at least according to Tyler Durden. Whatever the mystery fluid is it’s the wrong colour for urine.

Some people think that fame if glamorous – but it’s not all rehab and eating disorders. Basically it’s like wearing your underwear on the outside. Wearing your underwear on the outside is a stunt best left to professionals and superheroes! That might be okay on any other day, but on the wrong day it’s bad news!

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Scandal Saturday

Who let the Dogg out?

Snoop Dogg is not only out but on the grass (allegedly) in this recent youtube video (there was a little too much to be said to fit into Tweet form) where he had some wise words on the recent Kim Kardashian fiasco. Now play close attention cause you never know when this is gonna come in handy – especially if you start datin’ one of those reality TV stars.

He’s only sayin’ what everyone is thinkin’, right?

Cold blooded bitch” is a bit harsh. “A bit harsh” doesn’t make it untrue. InterestinglyKim Kardashian anagrams to I am a kind shark. With the hate fest in full swing it looks like that shark’s goose is cooked, that is unless she can find an inventive way of cashing in on all that ill will – & where there’s a will there’s away. Maybe she could appear publicly in a pillory and charge passerby’s to toss rotten fruit and vegetables at her. That is a basic motivation behind much reality type TV, which is really hi tech bear baiting minus the cruelty to animals!

Spice Girl


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When we last left Demi Moore she had been carted off to the emergency ward for something called whip its. Doing whip its is basically inhaling nitrous oxide to get high. People thought that this was a bit much because whip its are usually something that young people do; and Demi was expected to have the age, income, and sophistication to do better.

Then the 911 tape came out. That featured a ‘friend’ – and it’s always good to have a few in Hollywood just in case you start to code blue or something, some one who’s on the payroll but not in the will so they have an incentive to keep you breathing – saying that Demi took a bad turn after smoking something that wasn’t pot.

Current rumor is that it might have been Spice. Now Spice is a kind of herbal blend marketed as a legal marijuana substitute. Many forms are so mild that you can’t even get a decent buzz out of it. Others are sprayed with a toxic blend of designers chemicals that can leave you running to the toilet or on the way to the emergency ward fairly quickly!

Seal and Heidi are still in a crisis

With Demi Moore’s recent freak out and Fran Drescher‘s UFO abduction – she was chipped! – Seal and Heidi Klum‘s impending whatever nearly got lost in the shuffle. People were shocked at first because they always had made a big deal out of being so happy. Then people became quickly distracted. Part of the reason that folk may have got distracted was because it was no one was exactly sure what was happening. No one knew whether they were divorcing, taking a break, or reconciling.

Well here’s what we do know so far. Hedi initiated the split. Also the pair have a prenup. that comes in handy since Klum earned a healthy $70 mill. She’s got a few irons in the fire like a jewelry line and her Lifetime reality TV shows. Meanwhile Seal has a relatively paltry $15 mill.

Now it didn’t always used to be that way. When the got together back in 2005 the financial situation was more even. Klum was also knocked up and on the rebound from that Italian billionaire race car driver who dropped her like stale sour kraut.

Heidi’s had huge success since then. As said Heidi’s also the one who hired the lawyers. It’s kind of a truism that most relationships bust up over money. When one partner is worth about 5 times the other it could be a strain.

Then again as Heidi points out Seal does have a temper. She can’t give any specific examples of his temper problem – you know the kind of things that might frighten a woman like punching holes in walls, breaking things, or making threats – those mere trifling details that give people a clearer picture of what’s going on; even though she seems to feel pretty free in talking about the split up. He does have this Leica camera collection that he’s pretty fussy & picky about – oooh that monster!

don’t pay attention – play attention with Wondertrash!

So remember to keep reading Wondertrash and play attention cause like advice from the Snoop Dogg, you never know when it might come in handy!

Bogus zen: “People do not believe lies because they have to, but because they want to

Malcolm Muggeridge

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Heather Mills hairy lawsuit

1st the real news. Some of you know that there is a big Republican primary race going on. If you’ve been following then you know that it’s working out something like this:

Just don’t start referring to the Republican Primary Race as the WKRP Turkey Drop. They can get mad when they’ve been crossed and I don’t want it getting back to them that you picked it up here! Now on to the rest of the shit that’s fit to print!

It was Sir Paul McCartney who showed the world how annoying Heather Mills was, by marrying the woman. Since then she went on to wage a hi profile war of environmentalism, engage in a nasty divorce with Sir Paul, and blow up a neighbor’s dog with fire works – allegedly. The neighbor swears that it was some big to do at the Mills residence that lead to her dog’s demise. Mills was setting off fire works and a stray one hit the dog and detonated. Mills says that she had nothing to do with the dog’s explosion. So perhaps it was natural causes, like spontaneous canine combustion – you know how it is, sometimes a bitch is volatile!

That brings us to Heather Mills latest incident. Heather is a gal who likes to look her very best. Image can be important when you spend much of your life ticking people off. With that in mind Mills likes to keep herself groomed for success. So she used to patronize Brit stylist David Paul. Now Mills was divorcing at the time so didn’t have a lot of cash on hand. Since she was divorcing without a pre nup it seemed safe to assume that she’d be totally good for it. So Dave went ahead on her head.

That was between 2005 2007 and Paul still ain’t been paid. That’s rough cause Paul charges about $5000 a day for his coveted services. So you could understand Heather not paying when she was short on cash. However Heather ain’t short lately. That’s cause she got a windfall $US38.9 million from her McCartney divorce. So she’s in a position to make good on her debts. That’s why Daivd Paul is taking her to Los Angeles County Superior Court for the 80 000 he says she owes for his services rendered.

It’s easy to be hard on Heather, because no one likes her. However there’s a very good reason for a woman in her position do drop a wad on her hair. To find out what that reason is head straight over to thecelebrityviplounge!

From now on Mills gotta avoid any guy with the name Paul cause it’s just leads to negative publicity!

In other news Heidi Klum and Seal may not be divorcing. Sources say that the couple are in a rough patch. On a recent trip to Aspen there was a lot of screaming and yelling. Then there was a lot of talk about bailing out. Now reports have them back under the same roof and trying to work things out. They do have 4 kids so let’s hope that can get it together.

Speaking of bust ups that may not be happening Star Magazine is reporting that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are on the verge of a bust up. According to Star the pair are sick and tired of fighting over every detail of their lives together. Plus they barely spoke over the Christmas season. Also according to Star Jolie is upset of rumors of Brad’s child with another woman. Considering half of her kids with him are by other women you’d think that Jolie would be more cosmopolitan about it.

The Star then goes on to point out that Brad and Ange are really different people with Angie as a worldly type who get’s threatened by open relationships and Brad as a homebody that wants to retire and take care of the kids. Star goes on to point out that the split may not be permanent but one of those “breaks”. Now that’s hedging your bets in case it doesn’t happen!

Finally Joe Paterno has died. He was perhaps the greatest college football coach ever, but went out on a low note when he got caught in the middle of a sex abuse case. Paterno was 85 a died of lung cancer.

Now for a Wondertrash motivational poster!

So you were expecting Capt. Kirk on the Love Boat? … because the only difference between Capt. Steuben and Col. Klink is a war and bad publicity! I guess he can’t blame this one on Gilligan again!


Gossip Overload

Heather Locklear hospitalized

Things are heating up so hold on to your hats. 1stly Heather Locklear is back in hospital. She’s had an off and on battle with booze and pills for over 15 years. She kept it a well hidden secret by drinking on the sly and checking into hotels with a sobriety coach to dry out. It came to light back when her ex Richie Sambora started seeing Charlie Sheen ex Denise Richards. The strain may have been too much for Locklear and she went off the wagon. That’s when her years of secret drinking got out.

The on and off battle is on again with a vengeance. TMZ is reporting that Heather has been admitted to hospital for a booze and pills overdose. Heather’s sister found her and phoned authorities on 2:05 PM. That’s when the Verntura County Sheriff’s Dept got involved. Paramedics who arrived on the scene decided Heather needed to be hospitalized. This comes on the heels of her bust up with former Melrose Place co star Jack Wagner.

Lindsay Lohan – Lien on me

Locklear isn’t the only celeb having a hard time of it lately. Lindsay Lohan specializes in hard times and things are now getting seriously hairy for her. She’s had her brushes with the law from time to time, and usually she comes out ahead. This time the big guns are pointed straight her way. The big guns in question belong to the IRS, and these dudes don’t mess around.

Now everyone who’s been following Lindz knows that she’s run into some serious fiscal trouble lately. That’s because she’s been out of work for awhile. Paying of a pack of lawyers to keep her ass out of jail didn’t help the situation. Some stories have had her bumming money out of friends at the super market check out so that she could afford her Ben & Jerry’s. Her current situation is more serious. Seems that she owes Uncle Sam about $93 000 that she neglected to pay. SO the IRS is putting a lien on her.

Lindz, through her spokes persons, says that shew as unaware of the problem. That’s believable, since for one thing she’s had a lot of plates spinning. Sources also say that the tax bill got lost in the shuffle – Lindz recently replaced most of her financial management. The problem should be easy to fix. Lindz recently got a million dollar pay day for doffing her duds in Playboy. Besides, if things really get rough there’s always Dancing With the Stars!

Sinead O Connor in crisis

A mess with the IRS is bad but it could be worse. It seems to be for radical Irish songstress Sinead O Conner. If you’re beyond a certain age you’ll remember that she’s the one who tore up a picture of the Pope on SNL to protest Andrew Dice Clay’s participation in the show! Clay’s Jewish so it didn’t really make sense – but it was a long time ago.

Lately Sinead’s been erratic. Things started out innocently enough. She had a gig to cut some tracks for some new album. She got herself a Twitter account about the same time. At first the tweets were straight forward – the “hi how are ya” kind. There was even a good dose of self effacing humour – “I’m a gal you can take anywhere twice, the second time to apologize“. Then things started spiraling out of control.

Sinead got married to some guy. It only lasted 16 days. Then she started tweeting about how she needed a man real bad, especially if he was Robert Downey jr! She tweeted that she was developing some strange preoccupations with fresh supermarket produce, what without a good man being handy. Finally she took to the Tweet to ask her followers if they knew any good shrinks in the Dublin/Wicklow area. She explained that she was crying out to the world because Ireland is a poor place to look for help. Well it’s now been revealed that Sinead has attempted suicide a couple of times recently – once by overdose after a performance in LA last Thursday, in which Glenn Close was in attendance! Hopefully things will improve for O Connor.


Belle’s Kitchen

Fans of The Food Network’s Paula Deen might be in for a bit of a surprise. That’s because a former employee of Dern’s has some startling allegations to make. In fact she’s already made them, and the gist of it is that Deen might not be the person that you think she is. The employee is Renee Mincey, and she worked for Deen in her Savannah Georgia eatery called The Lady & Sons. Back then Mincey worked in the kitchen, and that gave her a behind the scene’s view of what went on. What went on was strange shit that might make the hair on the back of your head stand up on end. It might also make your stomach do a few spins too.

For instance once Deen was having the staff mix up a mess of stuffing in a large vat. Deen decided to get her hands dirty so she rolled up her sleeves and shoved in her fist, to give the stuffing a good old-fashioned stir. Now that sort of two fisted food prep might make some of the more squeamish among you get a little green around the gills but I’ve got bad news, it gets worse. While Deen was up to her elbows in stuffing she lost an artificial nail. This is a problem because the recipe didn’t include false nails. So the staff spent about an hour and a half dredging the stuffing looking for Deen’s lost talon. It turned out to be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Meanwhile the customers are getting a bit restless. So Deen decides ‘what the hell’ and sends the stuffing out with the nail included. Think of it as a free prize, just like Crackerjacks and breakfast cereal used to include.

Anyone can have an off day. Especially if they’re doing things that they’re not supposed to be doing. However Mince claims that this was pretty much par for the course as far as The Lady & Sons were concerned. That’s partly because Deen had such bad habits. For instance she was known to take food off of customers plates. That was usual. Before something might get sent out to the table Deen wold shove a pudgy paw into the plate, pull out a choice morsel, and then shove it into her face. This was just to find out of the food was up to scratch. Problem was that Deen would do this bare handed. According to Mincey her hands were often unwashed!

Paula had even more disturbing habits. For instance she would routinely eat the scraps left behind on customers’ plates. It didn’t stop at the plates either. If Paula couldn’t intercept the goodies from the plates being brought back into the kitchen, then she’d follow the goodies all the way tot the trash. She’d eat the food right out of the garbage can! Mincey remembers a particular incident involving a chicken leg. The plate got back to the kitchen with a chicken drumstick still on board. Deen wasn’t fast enough so the drumstick got tossed into the trash. The drumstick must’ve been particularly succulent, or else Deen was having some kind of medication side effect because Deen reached right down into the trash can, pulled out the drumstick, and started gnawing away! Let’s hope Deen doesn’t use the wold “I wouldn’t serve anything I wouldn’t eat myself” promotion!

According to Mincey Deen was more than a slob. She was also a bully! Now when Mincey was first hired at The Lady & Sons she thought that Deen was the finest kind of person. That is until Mincey got herself knocked up. Then, even though pregnant, Mincey had to continue working a 70 hour work week. Since she already had a family to support, she wasn’t in any position to say no. Fortunately her doctor intervened for her, and ordered mandatory bed rest. When Mincey called Deen, from the hospital, to explain the situation, Deen didn’t want to accept it. So eventually the doctor had to intervene. He phoned Deen to explain the situation to her in no uncertain terms.

That seemed to put a strain on their relationship. Mincey says that Deen never once called during the pregnancy to find out how her employee was doing. Nor did she offer any congratulations once Mincey had given birth. Worse still, when Miney eventually did return to work she got a demotion. She was moved from the kitchen into waitressing. Deen explained this as being better for Mincey’ s family situation. Mincey says she wasn’t sure how that worked out since she had to do more hours and more work for less pay. Worse still Deen eventually got rid of Mincey by accusing her of stealing. Mincey forgot to charge a customer for a buffet and Deen decided oit was a theft. So she gave Mincey the boot! Mincey says she was devastated since she looked on her co workers as family – except for Deen who was nothing but a bully.

Naturally Paula Deen denies all of this. When contacted by the Notional Enquirer – who’s carrying the story – Deen’s publicist says that the stories are nothing more than hot air. The spin doctor claims that Mincey is an ex employee with a grudge. She got canned fair and square for poor job performance, customer complaints, and oh yeah stealing! Deen’s spin doctor wasn’t too happy about allegations of unsanitary kitchen practices either. The rep said that was ‘vulgar’ and untrue, then went on to remind the NE that Deen is a hard working woman and a generous employer. As for Mincey, she claims that “It’s time for her fans to find out what kind of a person she really is”. Now doesn’t that just take the cake?

Now here’s more of that MK Ultra Hollywood series:



Shannon "Tweed off" with Gene Simmons


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Jon & Kate didn’t make it. Neither did Hulk Hogan & whatshername – you know, that greedy old bitch who looks like Dog Duayne Chapman’s wife and screwed a 23 year old pool boy – She Hulk. So has reality TV claimed another marriage? Looks like that Family Jewels couple Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed might be hitting a rough patch. Or at least that’s what they’re saying publicly. With their son and daughter pretty much grown and out of the house Shannon has pretty much had enough of Gene’s constant fucking around philandering ways. Though she knew he was a rock star with a 12 inch tongue when she didn’t marry him, she claims that she’s your average wide eyed, naive, ex Playboy bunny, and thought that some how marrying a satanic rock star would be a fairy tale come true. In what Monarch mind controlled brain washed delusion baby?

TV Bunny gets hopping mad on camera

Apparently it was some pictures of Gene out with younger prettier bunnies that has Shannon’s tweed (since she’s from Newfoundland I assume that her tweed is herring bone) rubbed the wrong way. As you could see in the above clip Shannon is pretty worked up and maintained her pique for the reality TV crew that follow the couple everywhere. Shannon also managed to appear on the Kathy Lee & Hoda (Hoda sounds like one of those banned diet aids) with her despised common law significant other – partner I believe is the accepted term for some one you’re doing long term but not formally committed to – to promoted their reality TV show and impending potential bust up. They traded some cute barbs too. So Shannon ain’t exactly sharing a Kleenex box with Huma Abedin over their respective wayward wieners. IN fact the lady seems all business!

full disclosure or plausible deniablity?

So that has folks of the cynical variety – like Internet bloggers between UFO disclosure posts – speculating about the reality of this reality TV. Could Shannon and Gene really be on the outs after 20 odd years – and odd they must have been – of a fairly stable and highly successful partnership?? Could some pictures of Gene-O out and about with a couple of random floozies but not pictured in any incriminating positions really have gotten her goat? Maybe with the kiddies grown and flown she’s ready to pull the usual maneuver of pulling the plug on a relationship that’s outlived it’s usefulness, then cashing in on alimony and community property as a show biz bride’s retirement package! Any of these options might be plausible, if reality TV wasn’t as scripted and staged as pro wrestling!

Sounds like a publicity stunt

The consensus among the skeptics is that this is just some ploy to hype up their already popular and well liked series. For one thing marital domestic fireworks might be a gimmick to get folk to keep watching. For another it take s a couple on pretty firm ground get on TV and pretend to jab at each other. If there were any real friction there then the sparring could well bleed over into unmanageable animosity. Besides, Gene is fresh of playing a concert down in Newfoundland. As stated that’s Shannon’s birth place, and rumors on the rock was that he did the show as a favor to the missus. So I’m calling bullshit on the dog & pony act, unlike Sarah Palin’s hotly denied separation. If those two are still together now then I doubt that either is going anywhere. At least it’s entertaining bullshit. With a couple as likeable as those two, viewers will probably play along with the corny play acting.

Bogus bust ups

P.S. Here’s a hint about how you can tell when a bust up is bogus or for realz. When German adult film actress Xenia Seeberg -best known from Lexx and some widely view porno type flicks, separated from her husband Sven Martinek the shit came to blows. Xenia is a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. So when the pair showed up at the Berlin premier of Inglorious Basterds they not only showed up separately, but Sven showed up wearing sun glasses and an eye patch! Apparently Xenia got riled a beat the snot out of the poor man while in one of her kung fu fits! Now if violence ain’t for real then it certainly gets points for realism!

Dave knows a creepy thing or two

Now here’s part 2 of Hollywood & MK Ultra. Betcha didn’t know that the real reason Joaquin Phoenix went cuckoo was because his brain washing backfired. That’s when they sent him to Dr. Dave. Letterman knows a thing or two about handling slaves, that is if the blackmailer’s stories can be believed!

proceed at your own risk!

BTW this won’t need pointing out to the observant among you, but in the above Gene Simmons Shannon Tweed simulated fight video, Gene is shown flashing the Illuminati hand sign at one point. Now that hand sign has been seen everywhere lately and everyone from George W to Betty White to Justin Bieber to Prince William has been seen making it. Just for your information the technical name of that particular occult gesture is the Baphomet Sign.

“Hello Princess – Brown Levi 2003 11A!”

More on the occult: a helpful hint for those of you trying to pick up a little action is that Monarch sex slaves, such as Paris Hilton, can sometimes be triggered using the code phrase “Hello Princess“. This activates their Monarch Mind Control Brain Programming. Once the trigger phrase is used, princess, whomever she may be, will have the bit in her teeth and be ready to go to the races. You may then have your will of your hot to trot hottie.

in my mind and in my car, we can’t rewind we’ve gone too far – entertainment & entrapment!

However unless you know the appropriate follow up trigger phrase there can be some strange side effects; like the lady can suddenly seize up and go ridged on you. That’s a precaution the slave handler programmers put into to make sure no one messes with their action. It can be damned inconvenient too if it happens at the wrong time and in the wrong place! I know a guy who says he once had a hell of a time trying to get a half naked Liv Tyler out of a phone booth, and eventually had to leave her there. He was afraid the cosplay costume she was wearing would start attracting unwanted attention! Of course that could be just shit you hear a the conspiracy conventions!

julia voth as wonder woman


Brat Pack

gotten rotten

If you read the last Wondertrash post you might have gotten the feeling that I’m just not trying anymore. Maybe the word ‘apathetic’ in the title was a give away. Trying leads to so much mischief in life – if our celebrities are any indication – that sometimes not trying is worth a try. The less effort the less trouble gets made. However if everyone thought like that then the history books would be empty, and school boys would have nothing to trouble them. We can’t all be buddhas, right away anyway. So in the spirit of wholesome mischief, here’s some fresh shit.

Justin TV

It seems that no one is bigger these days then Justin Bieber; not since Charlie Sheen went back on his meds and recovered from that case of Sheenius. It seems that when ever this kid breaks wind it becomes an over publicized non event of the kind that might get 24 hour on going “developing story” type coverage on CNN. So if you so sick of this kid that you want to punch out random mop topped teen on the street, then skip over this part. It’s gonna send you over.

breaking Bieber

The latest out break of Bieber fever has the Beeb on CSI. He was already killed off on Law & Order, but like Jesus the death didn’t take and so he back to haunt us. As said his latest appearance was on CSI, though it might have been easier to take if he’d appeared in a grilled cheese sandwich or bowling alley lane – Jesus style. Anyway Justy keeps his cheesy mainstream so he got on CSI where he met Marge Helgenberger.

Justy & Busty

Now this musty been a big deal in the life of a growing boy. Margy, you’ll recall, is the gal who acts in CSI and whose boobs are prominently feature, often hoist up into a firing position. So Justy must’ve been keen to make a real good impression on her. Maybe that’s why Margy says that he seemed like a real nice guy when she met him. Her exact words, as quoted by Radaronline, were “He was nice to me.” See, I said he was nice!

Everyone can’t have big boobs, so Justy can’t be nice to everyone

Thing was that it didn’t stop there. Seems that Justy wasn’t quite so nice with his other, non mammary endowed castmates. In fact Boobs, I mean Margy, goes on to say that, and once again I quote by way of Radaronline, that “I shouldn’t be saying this but he was kind of a brat.” Actually that part got said on a French radio interview, but Radaronline got wind of it and repeated it! Busty goes on to say that “He was nice to me but he locked one of the producers in a closet and he put his fist through a cake that was one the cast’s table!

the moral of the story

So what can we draw from this? Well for one thing Justy is a real swell guy, if you happen to be a hot chick with great big boobs that stick up at a 45 degree angle. Other wise watch you’re step, cause he can be a rotten little jerk. Also we’ve learned that you have to watch what you say, cause what you say can get around. Even if it’s said over seas and in a foreign language. If it’s about Bieber then the world is gonna know about it and more sooner than later. That probably has something to do with the Internet! Finally we’ve learned that the mass media hasn’t gotten tired of talking about Bieber yet, not matter how sick of him everyone else is. That probably has something to do with his appeal to teenage girls and middle aged “Herbert the Pervert” types. So we’re probably gonna keep hearing too much about him in the future, even if you dearly wish that he and Miley Ray Cyrus would run away together and never be seen or heard from again.

Now something in the spirit of big boobs sticking up on a 45 degree angle!

dirty ditties – every doggerel has it’s day

Some people wonder what’s gotten into celebrities today. I think that it’s the age we live in. The whole sad sorry mess can probably summed up in the following little ditty!

So you real can’t blame the Biebs for being as rotten little jerk when thing are rotten, like the song says! Even a Robin Hood might fall victim to his own vanity.

So when other legends are forgotten, just remember back when things were rotten. It’s a Wondertrash thing!


Andy still a dick

Even Gloria Allred wouldn’t touch this!

I’d say that Andy Dick is still fighting his demons except that these days his demons are probably ashamed to be seen with him. That doesn’t mean that Andy is ashamed to show his face out in public, and his his usual condition too; drunk and disorderly! Seems that Andy was out and about down in Temecula, CA. That’s ’cause fashionable LA establishments won’t let him on their premises. Anyway Andy was enjoying himself in a local restaurant when he got a little too high spirited. That’s a polite euphemism for got drunk out of his mind and made a fool of himself.

everyday is a reality TV episode

Now there’s no word yet on what sort of tomfoolery Andy was involved in (I’m assuming that it was more than a nipple slip), but it did result in the usual visit from the cops. Andy got charged with a misdemeanor charge of disorderly conduct with alcohol. Then he was escorted off the premises and to the nearest drunk tank. It must be reassuring to know that there are some establishments that still welcome him; even if it’s only into the Lindsay Lohan suite. Anyway Andy got some time to sober up and enjoy some complimentary jail house hamburgers before paying his $500 fine and being released. So he is once again free to pursue his new career as a public nuisance! Oh yeah, and he also got this nifty mugshot as a little memento!


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Fright of Passage – "10 points for Gryffindor!"

Movie witch gets the Carrie treatment

So who doesn’t like Emma Watson? Well some of her classmates if rumours are to be believed. now I’m not talking about her Hogworts classmates, but the smart alecks down at Brown. Watson made news on both sides of the Atlantic when she opted for an American ivy league education instead of signing on at Oxbridge! She could never explain why she decided to go American, but if Brown was her choice then poor grades & low test scores may have had a lot to do with it. Brown has a rep as the ‘remedial’ ivy league school!

Now just because Browners aren’t the brightest bulbs in America’s elitist ivy league system doesn’t mean that they can’t come up with some good ones when the opportunity presents it’s self. Watson was an opportunity that a spas could’ve hit with a blunder buss at 100 paces while wearing a blindfold. The poor girl just showed up with so much baggage in the way of her film career that it provided a rich vein to mine. For instance whenever Watson opened her mouth in class, say to answer a question, the local smart asses would chime in “10 points for Gryffindor!” Now for those of you who aren’t Potter maniacs that’s a reference to her films. To give Browners a break on that, it might not be specifically anti Watson. She just didn’t know that American students aren’t supposed to volunteer answers in class!

Well all this good natured Animal House type razzing lead to rumour about poor tender Hermione being bullied. Naturally Watson denied it. Watson said in a statement that “I have never been bullied in my life and certainly not Brown!” She’s a Brit and so felt the need to be a jolly good sport about victimization, or something. If she thinks that’s how you fit in on American campuses then she’s still got much to learn – the usual way a gal gets more popular is by sleeping with a jock!

Anyway the Browners felt the need to show that they weren’t such jolly good sports, by agreeing with her! Megan Estes, some kind of big shot in the student body, said that “we try to take care of our own at Brown, and I think we try to make sure she feels like anybody else.” Now it should be mentioned that Estes doesn’t know Watson personally, but has played Hermione in a Brown campus production of Harry Potter. So that makes her some kind of an expert.

Perhaps the teachers put it more articulately. Not surprising – just because they teach at Brown doesn’t mean that the were educated there. In fact some are only passing through, like visiting professor Bianca Dahl. Dahl teaches some crypto lefty course called “global humanitarianism“, or something. So that means she’s got perspective, and maybe even context! Any way Bianca had this to say on the Watson crisis “There was an awareness of her, but in a protective way. I can’t fathom that faculty or students would allow bullying to happen!” Whoa Nelly – no one said anything about the faculty! I guess some one just blew their tenure!!

Any how the upshot is that Ms Watson has decided to take some time off from the hectic world of collegiate bullying perhaps to get back to the dog eat dog world of movie making. She’s planning on sitting out at least a semester. Now Hermione is quite clear that this has to doing with the knuckle heads at Brown giving her a hard time or anything. in fact she’s stated, by way of some celebrity medium or another, that “This 10 points for Gryffindor thing never happened. Accusing Brown students of something as serious as bullying and causing me to leave is beyond unfair!” As for her plans after her sabbatical, a friend says that she’s planning to continue her education abroad. So whether the accusations against Brown are beyond unfair or not; Hermi as no plans to get anywhere near the place again! It only goes to show that the real world of the transmundane is far far more frightening than the unreal world of witches and goblins could ever hope to be. It also means that those Browners will have to find some other use for that big bucket of goat’s blood they were saving for the big year end dance!


Lindsay Lohan: Living on the Ledge but Still Employable

Pushing the limits is their job – but knowing where to stop is minding their business!

Fame’s a mixed bag. You can be one of the most famous people on earth and still not make money out of it (if you’re unfortunate enough to be OJ Simpson then it could even drive you broke!). This usually happens when some celebrity has gone too far with pushing the limits. Then they can become an insurance risk, unreliable, or just too much of a pain in the ass to be worth bothering with.

deflation & stagnation

The gossip blogosphere is full of celebs have become so overheated that they probably couldn’t land a job in the entertainment industry if they stood by the side of the road holding up a cardboard sign reading “will act for food!Lisa Rinna tried that a few years back when she tried reviving her post Melrose Place career; though the sign read “Honk if you love Lisa“. The stunt didn’t work out so she got her lips deflated. That sparked some mild, temporary interest in the actress. She’s currently trying to decide on her next career move, which will either be revealing something startling about her personal life, or going into reality TV!

when the big picture looks like a jig saw puzzle

Mel Gibson is the current king of radio active celebrities. When he went nuts in the back of that squad car after a night of trolling the bars there was no turning back. Well not after he went Hitler and started divulging his strange crypto-Catholic anti Masonic conspiracy theories about the Jews causing every war in history as a way to prevent Cardinal Siri from ever becoming Pope Gregory the 17th! Seems that the Jews had an agenda to corrupt the mass by getting John 23rd on the Vatican throne. People couldn’t see the sense in what Gibson was saying, and most assumed that he’d left his tin foil hat in the microwave too long. So he was done. Oksana Grigorieva was just the cincher!

nuts & gum, together at last

Mel has plenty of company these days, as celebrity images heat up and implode like Japanese nuclear reactors. Tiger Woods got in shit when the world found out that he was more interesting than anyone ever suspected. That cost him a king’s ransom in hi powered product endorsements! Michael Richards killed that soft spot everyone had in their hearts for Kramer when he went nuts before a live audience. Jerry Seinfeld is still counting the slot residual earnings over that one; and cutting back to only two Porsche splurges a year. Jerry also has to consider the economy – can’t blame Kramer for everything! Sandra Bullock’s career went into a stall after the news about her sham marriage broke. That was back at the Oscars. Sandra had won some Ms Congeniality Award. That’s something you get for being too talented to be sexy, but too good looking to be a character player. It’s an awkward category that Julia Roberts has successfully exploited for a couple of decades. Anyway Bullock bags her Oscar and then gets ready to move into total world domination mode. She plotting her next Barbara Walters interview: what she’ll say, how she’ll act all faux modest, and how good she’s gonna come off. Then the news breaks that her grease monkey husband – Vanilla Gorilla – was into radical politics and porn fetish strippers! After that she had a harder time showing her face in public than Michelle Obama after she touched the Queen!

livin la vida Lohan

The upshot is that every once in a while a celeb gets in shit and then has a hard time working afterwards. The queen of disgraced celebs is probably Lindsay Lohan. She started out a a Disney child star and quickly got a reputation for talent and versatility, even as her parents were getting a rep for being ambitious and difficult. Lindsay then got her self a reputation for substance abuse and criminal behavior. So the work dried up. At least until she could get her act together through rehab or something. That left her paying lawyers fees and rehab bills out of pocket without an income. Meanwhile we kept seeing lots and lots of Lindsay usually through the tabloids or Court TV!

trainwreck in waiting

So the $64 000 question was “did the once promising actress still had a future as anything other than a trainwreck?” Observers were dubious because she had a long track record of screw ups behind her. She was too consistent to be reliable in other words! No one wanted to work with her. For one thing she might OD in the middle of her next project, and leave producers holding the bag – Heath Ledger style. At the very least she might get any project she’s involved with into some kind of unwanted scandal through getting accused of something criminal – like stealing from her bosses or co stars. Lindsay always maintains that she doesn’t do such stuff, but she also admits to being a magnet for trouble. In a bottom line business that’s the same difference. When it’s a who you know business that can leave you hard up. No one wants to bet on a loser carrying around a ton of baggage (Lindsay, we should meet!).

fame is when crime doesn’t pay anymore

No it’s an ill wind that blows no good and Lindsay has found the silver lining in her ill wind (like how I mashed that metaphor?). It seems that there is some one in the entertainment industry (soon to be the Intertainment Industry if current trends continue!) willing to not only give her a break but even stick his neck out and give her another second chance! The guy is film producer Mark Fiore. Fiore doesn’t have brain damage or anything – as far as I know – but he is the producer of Gotti Three Generations. For the 50% of the pop born after 1990 John Gotti was a Gambino Mafia boss (he allegedly knocked off Paul Castellano to get that gig, but no one was ever able to prove anything!) known as the Teflon Don for his knack of beating criminal convictions. He also liked $5000 suits and plenty of attention. In fact he was more interested in being a media star than in making money for the organization. He high profile antics brought a lot of heat specifically at him, and eventually brought him down and damaged his organization. It’s another cautionary tale: even if crime pays fame might not.

Lindsay finds work despite economy!

Now Mark though Lindsay would be just great in his new mafia pic. Not only is she a fine little actress but she has some real life experience to bring to the role. Besides people might be interested in seeing whether she can pull it off. So if she doesn’t screw up this thing might actually work out for everyone involved. So Lindsay got hired for the part of one of Gotti’s daughters; maybe the one who went to work for the Star before getting into reality VT. I think she’s Victoria.

Lohan’s new friend is thrilled in not so many words

Lohan’s possible involvement in some kind of actual movie has been kicking around for awhile but now it’s picking up steam with confirmation from Fiore himself. MF recently told Radar that he’s thrilled with Lohan. Well he didn’t actually say thrilled. He was more understated. What he did say was that “She’s very professional. People make mistakes. Look at other people in Hollywood.” So this sounds promising. Further more the honey moon shows no signs of cooling off, since Fiore went onto say that he wanted Lohan to do another project for him, in addition to Gotti!

the future is a violent torpedo of truth, or maybe only a curve ball

This means that Lohan could be on the verge of some kind of long awaited career comeback! She’s not only got a job, but the possibility of a working relationship with a producer. These working relationships are the basis of successful long term careers; like Johnny Depp and Tim Burton, Martin Scorsese and Robert Deniro, not to mention Russell Crowe and Ridley Scott! Up until about a year or so ago you could’ve added Megan Fox and Michael Bay to that all star list, but the recoil on Fox’s hi caliber mouth finally deep sixed that! This means that to pass go and collect her $200 Lindsay just has to avoid any more colourful screw ups. Oh yeah and she also has to get past the Grand Jury! Her lawyers are currently asking the state what kind of jail time they might be thinking about – just in case of a worst case scenario! Should things turn sour for her, again, then there’s always room on Charlie Sheen’s Violent Torpedoes of Truth tour. I hear that he’s desperate for a mascot ever since “dog napping terroristDenise Richards took her pug back!

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