Halle Berry Fallout

Fair lady – Stormy weather

Halle Berry‘s life has enough drama for any ten lunatics. It seems like there’s always a “Storm” brewing around her. Take just recently for example. Halle was enjoying Thanksgiving in her spacious home with her foreign lover Oliver Martinez when her ex foreign lover Canuck Gabby Aubry showed up with daughter Nahla as per court agreement. Court agreements might be some kinda sort spot at Casa del Berry what with Halle getting denied permission to take her daughter away from the horde of stalkers psychos and paparazzi she says is stalking her and over to the relatively safety & civility of la Belle France. Court said no way cause Nahla’s dad was just too important a part of the little girl’s life. So you can see how any reminder of the courts intrusions into Halle’s beautiful life might be unwelcome triggers for ballistics!

if you push my buttons I’ll pull your trigger

Ballistics is what happened because current and ex came to blows. To put it in a nut shell Martinez “allegedly” con fronts Aubry and tells him that the time has come to move on. That sets Aubry off – he and Martinez might share a version of the same language and (former & present) relationships with the same woman, but that’s where it ends. Gabriel raised his fist in anger – so we’re told – and let fly. Marty let him have the first one or two, but then nailed him and pinned him to the ground – breaking Gabby’s jaw and rib in the process (& and also causing unspecified head injuries).

What’s the big Hallebaloo?

Now men can be beasts. Fortunately Halle had it under control. While the men folk were busy trying to kill each other Halle got right on the phone and called the cops! Maybe inspired by her good example Martinez places battered Gabby under citizen’s arrest, and hands him over to official authority types when they arrive. Gabby is then whisked off to hospital to gets his injuries tended to, and then off to the pokey for booking. That’s cause Marty pressed charges. If you saw the lump on his highly photogenic knuckle you wouldn’t blame him either! Anyway Aubry got held on $20 000 bond or something – so that’s a couple of grand his Halle lawyers won’t get, and then was released.

more knuckle headed publicity

Now the think about Halle is that she’s a real trooper – as she herself will tell you in her “plain old crackers” way. Being an attractive superheroines has it’s difficulties, which she has had to struggle with her entire life! So when shit happens you don’t let it get to you. You keep clam and carry on as if you were normal. That’s just what Halle did, by getting out and about in public. It gave Marty a chance to show off his manly knuckle boo boo too! Here’s a picture of that.

Shit-ade

Sometimes life hands you a turd – count on Halle to make Shit-ade out of it! Halle however is not one to leave her Shit-ade half stirred! Life goes on! So Halle was determined to get out there and display a positive attitude. Perhaps with that in mind she took young Nahla off for an enjoyable after noon out. Mother and daughter took in something called Yo Gabba Gabba . Now that’s not something Halle takes to make her easier to live with – like an L Dopa inhibitor – and washed down with a glass of that Shit-ade. Yo Gabba Gabba is a kids show that young Nahla is wild about. So Halle thought it would be good to indulge the young girl. A thoughtful way to take her wee mind off of her father’s recent beating and booking. So off they went to the Nokia Theater in Hollywood (though it should be mentioned that Halle pronounces “theater” as “theatre” now, because she’s with a Frenchman and planning on moving to France).

Halle goes from ballistic to staging a small invasion!

Halle’s a thoughtful woman and this time she thought of everything. For instance when she went to Yo Gabba she covered the angels. That means she traveled with an armed escort. You might think that I’m exaggerating or perhaps even being sarcastic when I write that If Benazir Bhutto had traveled around with this kind of goon squad she’s be alive today! Just to show that I’m on the level in everything I write, here’s a photo of Halle & Delta Force 1!

You & what army?

The above might seem a little bit excessive but don’t blame Halle. Some mothers are over protective! Besides – you cynically suspicious celebrity gossip readers – how do you even know that the armed guard is for Halle and Nahla? It might be for Martinez. Think about it – he popped his good knuckle mangling Aubry’s face. So now he’s defenseless, while Aubry still has many other body parts to work with! What if Aubry pops out of the bushes and ambushes Marty? Why he might attack Marty’s foot with the seat of his pants or something. So naturally Martinez must be terrified. Halle, being the thoughtful woman she is, may have called out an armed guard to keep things under control, because she wants this relationship to work, for a change.

Coming soon – more of the same?

So far we’ve had a Thanksgiving Day Fist Fight, a military style invasion of the Nokia Theater, or Theatre, in addition to numerous court battles. So many of you might be now asking “What next?” If you are then you haven’t been paying attention. What comes next is probably gonna be more court battles & legal issues. The big question is how far is it gonna go, how long can it go on, and how crazy is it gonna get? To find out the answers to those question you might have to keep reading Wondertrash, the blog that gives celebrities the benefit of the doubt no matter how far fetched it might be! That goes double when they’re a super heroine!

bullshit disclaimer

Coming Soon – Shocking Scandals! 

Angelina Jolie – things are as bad as you thought!

There are some stories currently in development that could quite literally shake the entertainment world straight to it’s foundations. I can’t too much about what we’re cooking up but this picture was recently smuggled out of Angelina Jolie’s residence and confirms some worst suspicions!

In other news: though Anne Hathaway is now happily married tot he guy she was dating for several years, the sad news is that she is still a mind control MK Ultra monarch slave! That was reported right here on this blog back when she had her programming meltdown on the Conan O Brien show and broke out in rap. Anne has starred in many MK Ultra themed movies over the years starting with the Princess Diaries (hidden bloodline programming) followed up by Ella Enchanted ( Magical Power Slave script). Hopefully Anne will break free of the terrible mind control used to keep her enthralled. Meanwhile remember that you don’t get this kind of dish from Tila Tequila!

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Halle Berry’s ex takes a beating

Halle is hell

Something was bound to happen after Halle Berry lost that custody case and it has happened with a vengeance. It started innocently enough when her ex Gabriel Aubry dropped their daughter off at Berry’s home following a custodial visit. Berry’s current guy Oliver Martinez was there and friction developed.  According to reports Martinez walked up to Gabby and said something. Gabby took a swing. Martinez then proceeded to beat the living shit out of Aubry. Beat the living shit in this case means that Aubry got a busted rib, broken jaw, and other unspecified head injuries. So Aubrey had to go to hospital  Then Martinez charged him – that’s adding insult to injury! Martinez was working over time this Thanksgiving because when the cops showed up he proceeded to make a citizens arrest!

by 
Halle Berry was the unfortunate referee of a fight between ex-boyfriend Gabriel Aubry and current fiancé Olivier Martinez on Thursday morning. The fight left Aubry hospitalized and in jail. Martinez was taken to the hospital, but released.The two men got in a verbal argument that quickly escalated to a physical altercation, according to reports. The fight took place at Berry’s home on Thanksgiving morning, and the two have had known problems in their relationships with Berry. She recently lost a court petition to move to France with daughter Nahla and Martinez.Berry was the one to call the police, and Martinez issued a citizen’s arrest of Aubry in order to keep the calm until police could arrive. Aubry was first taken to the hospital, where he was treated for a broken rib and facial contusions. He was then released into the custody of the Los Angeles police and, at last report, is still awaiting booking.

They say that every cloud has a silver lining but it’s hard to find a bright spot here, except possibly the realization that some one some where is having a way worse Thanksgiving than you are, and having it in the can with their mug on the tabs (and in blogs such as this one!). That can actually be a little reassuring, depending on how bad your day has been going.

So let’s see what He does for poor Gabriel Aubry. God hasn’t dealt with Halle Berry lately.

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David Letterman – Salma Hayek Pinault’s Prune Shot

Salma accidentally hit Kevin James where it counts during the filming of “Here Comes The Boom.”


Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

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Jennifer Garner on Jessica Biel’s heroism at Variety’s 4th Annual Power …

Jennifer Garner on Jessica Biel‘s heroism at Variety’s 4th Annual Power …


Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

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Katherine Heigl emotional speech at Variety’s 4th Annual Power Of Women …

Katherine Heigl emotional speech at Variety’s 4th Annual Power Of Women …


Latest Gossip = Slap Egotists

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Celebrity Craziness Matrix

celebrity has it’s seamy side

If Wondertrash has a message to impart it’s “Celebrity – don’t let it happen to you!” In many way celebrities are just like the rest of us: they struggle with the same issues, are driven by the same motivations, and are plagued by the same insecurities. They just do it on a larger scale and in front of a global audience. Hence the saying that fame is like wearing your underwear on the outside! It’s basically turning your life into a reality TV show.

ordinarily different & just a little bit special

In some ways thought, & bless their little hearts, celebrities can be a little bit different. They have the quirks, or eccentricities if you will, that make them stand apart from the ordinary bread of men & women comprised of those of us with enough common sense to avoid attracting too much attention. Anyone who will pose nude for Playboy while pregnant, send their kid up in a home made hot air balloon, of get 8 or 9 live embryos implanted into their uterus just for attention, plus the fame & fortune that can come with it, have got to be a little crazy.

celebrity in the matrix

 

Well now that Celebrity Craziness Factor has finally been organized. The good people over @ Jest have set down and dreamed up something that they call the Celebrity Craziness Matrix. According to the CC Matrix Celebrity Personality Disorder can be plotted on your standard x y axis with your favorite personalities falling some where between self aware to oblivious on the x axis, & zany to dangerous on the y.

dangerously self aware

Now that sounds mathematical & abstract. It makes more sense with real celebrity examples. If you look at the chart below you will see that – at the upper left, personalities like Lady Gaga & Andy Dick are self aware, but harmlessly zany. Julian Assange and Charlie Sheen on the other hand, are self aware but dangerous! You can talk to Chuck Lorre if you have any questions about the veracity of Sheen’s assessment! He’s still hurtin’ from the time he picked a fight with a warlock!

lovable lunatics

Now in the other range we have celebs who are less self aware. You might call them loveable dim wits – though some are less loveable than others. The likes of Gary Busey & Ozzy Osbourne aren’t known for dropping around deep philosophical ponderings. They are lovably zany. Part of the reason we do love them is because they don’t take themselves too seriously.

Mel Gibson is like an Antimatter Tom Cruise!

Then we have the less loveable hovering over at the dangerous end of oblivious. That includes people like Mel Gibson (think of him as Tom Cruise with the zany transferred into dangerous!), Lindsay Lohan, and Amanda Bynes. Their combo of dangerous & oblivious would make them poor people to be standing next to in a lightening storm. You’d be sure to get zapped. Then you’d be that charred frazzle standing beside an untouched Lindsay or Amanda in the tabloid pic!

Nick Nolte is Peter O Toole crossed with Courtney Love!

Then there are the borderline cases. People like Peter O Toole. His natural flamboyance made him a very entertaining actor, & lovably zany. His sharp wit combined with years of alcoholism means that he’s kind of back and forth between self aware and oblivious, depending. He’s kind of like the Courtney Love anti particle. Court’s extremely intelligent and also prone to occassional attacks of awareness. Other times she completely out of it!. Whereas O Toole is delightful & entertaining, Love is no one you’d turn your back on. Nick Nolte is another back & forth case but between zany & dangerous.

Mr. In Between! Jeff Probst is a male Anne Hathaway!

Then straight in the center we have Jeff Probst. We don’t know if his central placement makes him just right – like Goldilocks porridge. Does he have the right combo of zany/dangerous/oblivious/self awareness so that everything cancels everything else out, or does he just lack too much of any celebrity quality? Who ever he is he must be a special case among a rare breed! Like a male Anne Hathaway! Anne of course is the ‘reverse’ celebrity. Whereas other celebrities are like us but a bit different, Anne’s the opposite of that! So she’s a kind of “mirror image” of celebrity. Think of her as like Hawkgirl in the Justice League; & not quite like the other superheros! Or to put it another way, she doesn’t have an official Twitter account (that she could accidentally post mildly embarrassing pics of herself on).

 

There just isn’t matrix enough to mention everyone


Hopefully this celebrity crazy matrix can one day be refined into a proper diagnostic tool, like Robert Hare’s psychopath check list. Then it could hopefully be used to get celebs the right kind of help; or possibly identify non celebs with the right kind of crazy to make it in show biz! At this stage it can’t answer everything. Halle Berry didn’t make the matrix. For one thing no one is sure whether she knows what she’s doing. Besides, they were probably to damned afraid of her to put her in there (so she’d go along side LeAnn Rimes?)! So for now just enjoy it in it’s raw form & have some fun deciding where your favorites would fit in!

 

Anne Hathaway – the “reverse” celebrity

Kooky to the max & just a bit in bad taste

Celebrities are a little out there, and a little more willing to take chances and to expose themselves. That’s what makes Wondertrash possible. There’s a little celebrity in most of us though. So remember that you don’t have to be rich & famous to make a Wondertrash moment. Just be willing to put yourself out there, and take a chance by exposing yourself to what life has to offer. Then you too willing be rockin’ it Wondertrash style!

1 in 12 persons have celebrity personality disorder – can you spot which one?

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2012 Razzies

Overture, curtain lights – this is it, the night of nights!

Milla Jovovich Academy Awards Oscar Night 2012Tonight is Academy Awards night. That comes at the end of an awards season of hyped up galas at which show people wear nice cloths, claim shiny statuettes, and take themselves way too seriously. The Noble Prizes wouldn’t get this much hype and that’s even if they were handing out awards for the cure for cancer and proof of God’s existence. No one dresses particularly nice at the Nobels, so who’d want to take their picture. Plus at the Oscars there’s always that chance that some one will make an acceptance speech drunk or high; or that something embarrassing is gonna come a out about a winner in the next week or two. Nobel noms seldom give their acceptance speech drunk, or high; and the most embarrassing thing that might come out about them after a win in Stockholm is that they forgot to carry the ‘y‘ or something. So the Oscars are genuinely interesting.

everyelsewhere

Wondertrash usually boycotts the awards. For one thing you hear about them every where you turn. So you don’t need to hear about hem everywhere else (every where else is ‘here’) For another thing they’re a little ‘self congratulatory’. Like Ricky Gervais pointed out, award shows could use a sense of humor. However, you can’t completely ignore the Oscars.

moneyballs

So I’ll make a prediction. Look for Brad Pitt to get at least one Oscar. They’ll give it to him to drive Angelina Jolie nuts. Her Blood & Honey was ignored, if not snubbed, by the nomination committee. Now B&H was a last minute deal, but got released on Dec 23 last year, so it’s eligible on a technicality; by getting released just under the wire. It’s one of those ambitious prestige pieces that Hollywood loves to nominate and was supposed to mark Jolie’s transition from thinking man’s bombshell to serious Hollywood director. So not getting a single Oscar nom for an ambitious prestige piece is a slap in the face – maybe more so than SAG nominating her for Best Actress in a Comedy for her work in The Tourist. Then look for her and Brad to possibly split in about 6 months, as the pressures of award show ego tripping finally tear them apart. She’s always seen herself as the one telling him “Awards don’t really matter. Look how many I have!” My theory is that Hollywood finally got tired of toying with them and has decided to deliver the coup de grace!

entertainment terrorism

The thing about the Oscars is that it’s not just performance. It’s also politics. When Marly Matlin won her Oscar for Children of a Lesser God it send her then lover, and mentor, William Hurt ballistic. He flipped out on the limo ride home after the awards. He start yelling at her and giving her the whole “who do you think that you are?” speech – by reminding her that many serious and talented actors worked years and never got an Academy nomination, while she just had the award tossed in her lap. Marly & Bill broke up after that. It almost makes you wonder if they gave her that award just to get under Hurt’s skin (if you really want to get under his skin then absent mindedly refer to him as “William Baldwin” within earshot, then duck & cover!). You know just the way everyone Tom Cruise has ever worked with has got the Oscar, except ambitious hard working Tom. It’s like they were teasing hims or something. As for Marly, like Cuba Gooding jr her career went into a different gear after the Oscar win. Although she did keep working. I saw her on an episode of Seinfeld recently. She was a BL – Beautiful Linesman, who helped George misinterpret a conversation through lip reading. Of course that was a repeat. She’s active on Twitter though!

Razzie dazzle

The point is that there’s a lot about these awards shows that are worth ignoring. So @Wondertrash they don’t get more attention. Except for the Razzies. That Razzies are the anti Oscars, and celebrate chow biz at it’s trashy worst. So it’s the Wondertrash of awards ceremonies. They get a distinguished crowd too. Halle Berry is a proud former Razzie winner. She dropped by to pick up her statuette too. That showed the world that she had a sense of humour, and knew how to look like she didn’t take herself too seriously. Then she had her nasty bust up with Gabriel Aubry and peoples tarted rethinking that. This year Adam Sandler leads the pack with a breath taking 11 Razie Nominations. He’s in a class by himself – but he’s got some company. So here’s a few snippets on the 2012 Razzies!

Wondertrash – the reigning World Heaveyweight Sweetheart of entertainment blogs!

Tonight’s full roster of Oscar presenters & performers

saturdaynightlive:

  • Christian Bale
    • Bale received an Oscar® for his supporting role in “The Fighter.”
  • Halle Berry
    • Berry won an Oscar® in 2001 for her lead performance in “Monster’s Ball.”
  • The “Bridesmaids” Cast
    • Six actresses – Rose Byrne, Ellie Kemper, Melissa McCarthy, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Maya Rudolph and Kristen Wiig – from the hit comedy “Bridesmaids” will be presenters at the 84th Academy Awards. McCarthy received her first Oscar® nomination this year for her supporting role in the film, and Wiig also became a first-time nominee for the film’s original screenplay.
  • Cirque du Soleil®
    • The troupe Will Pay Tribute to Hollywood’s Biggest Night with Its Largest Ensemble Cast Ever Assembled in One Act
  • Bradley Cooper
    • Cooper will be seen next in “The Words” and, later this year, in “The Place Beyond the Pines” and “The Silver Linings Playbook.”
  • Tom Cruise
    • Cruise was nominated for his lead performances in “Born on the Fourth of July” and “Jerry Maguire.” He also was nominated for his supporting role in “Magnolia.”
  • Penélope Cruz
    • Cruz won an Oscar in 2008 for her supporting role in “Vicky Cristina Barcelona.” She was also nominated for her lead performance in “Volver” (2006) and for her supporting role in “Nine” (2009).
  • Cameron Diaz
    • Diaz will be seen next in “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” and “Gambit.”
  • Michael Douglas
    • Douglas won an Oscar for his lead performance in “Wall Street” (1987) and a Best Picture award as a producer of “One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest” (1975).
  • Will Ferrell
    • Ferrell’s film credits include “Everything Must Go,” “Blades of Glory,” “Stranger Than Fiction,” “Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby,” “The Producers,” “Bewitched,” “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy,” “Elf” and “Old School.”
  • Tina Fey
    • Fey came to prominence as a regular on “Saturday Night Live” and currently stars in, produces and writes for the Emmy®-winning comedy series “30 Rock.”
  • Colin Firth
    • Two-time nominee Firth took home an Academy Award for his lead performance in “The King’s Speech.”
  • Zach Galifianakis
    • Galifianakis, who was recently seen in “The Muppets,” will be making his first Oscar show appearance. His other film credits include “Puss in Boots,” “Due Date,” “Dinner for Schmucks,” “Up in the Air,” “What Happens in Vegas,” “Into the Wild” and the two “Hangover” films.
  • Tom Hanks
    • Hanks, who is a governor of the Academy, won consecutive Oscars® in 1993 and 1994 for his lead performances in “Philadelphia” and “Forrest Gump.”
  • Angelina Jolie
    • In 1999 Jolie took home the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for her performance in “Girl, Interrupted,” and she received a nomination in 2008 for her lead performance in “Changeling.”
  • Milla Jovocich
    • Jovovich hosted the Academy’s Scientific and Technical Awards on Saturday, February 11
  • Melissa Leo
    • Leo received an Oscar® for her supporting role in “The Fighter.”
  • Jennifer Lopez
    • Lopez, who serves as a judge on “American Idol,” will be seen next in the feature “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” and recently completed work on “Parker” and “Ice Age: Continental Drift.”
  • Natalie Portman
    • Two-time nominee Portman took home an Academy Award for her lead performance in “Black Swan.”
  • Chris Rock
    • In 2005 Rock served as host of the 77th Academy Awards. He will be seen next in “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” and “2 Days in New York.”
  • Ben Stiller
    • Stiller will be playing the title character in “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty,” which he is also directing, and will be seen next in “Neighborhood Watch.”
  • Emma Stone
    • Stone appears in the Best Picture nominee “The Help.” Her other film credits include “Crazy, Stupid, Love.,” “Friends with Benefits,” “Easy A” and “Superbad.”
  • Meryl Streep
    • Streep, who is nominated for her lead performance in “The Iron Lady,” has been nominated a total of 17 times – the most for any performer in Oscar history, or as many times as Glenn Close and Peter O’ Toole combined!

The best of the rest or the rest of the best? Either way wondertrash is always on and slightly off!

Awards celebrate the best, worst, or most whatever. So give the best a rest and whateverelsewhere with these award winners that are not only hot but so relevant that – unlike an Oscar statuette or a one time use only designer gown – you can even use them in real life: the 10 Hottest Chilis!

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Heidi & Seal – tension escalating?

It’s been a mind boggling time for celebrity gossip – from Gisele Bundchen buggering the Superbowl to Demi Moore going to rehab after going to the emergency ward right up to the untimely passing of Whitney Houston. The result of the gossip overload is that Seal & Heidi Klum‘s divorce got blown straight out of the headlines and into the back pages right back there with Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry. The last time we heard anything from them Seal couldn’t get his wedding ring off because he was married to an amazing woman! Then Seal’s ex former supermodel Tatjana Patitz came out and said to Intouch that Seal ain’t the nicest guy in the world. In fact she claimed that he had anger issues and a tremendous ego. Then she went on to urge Heidi not to take him back! “There are children involved,” she warned.

The plot has thickened. It turned out that Seal may well have some issues. His relationship with wife Heidi even got “physical” at leas once. That was when he pushed her during a heated argument and had to be restrained by security. He might also be a little lacking in sensitivity to women. A female employee of his got sacked following a campaign to get her fired that seemed to have been provoked by her complaints about ‘sexual harassment’. Male crew members called her a hooker and claimed she slept with the boss. When she brought this to Seal’s attention he laughed it off. Seal even has a slightly criminal past – he used to deal pot and ‘advertise’ for hookers back in London (he posted their phone numbers in phone booths – no arrests).

Now there are reports that Heidi is ready to take the separation to the next level – by taking the kids. Reports have her ready to ditch the Brentwood pad shared with Seal and head back to New York. She was apparently blindsided by his ‘criminal’ past (perhaps because he wasn’t exactly in the mafia by the sounds of it, so some minor incidents might’ve been easy to miss – we’ll give Heidi a pass on this one). Seal’s ‘double life’ combined with his anger issues have lead Heidi to conclude that “his lifestyle and criminal issues don’t provide a ‘conductive environment’ for their kids” (quote from from Star, print edition, February 27, 2012). Since Seal plans to keep LA as his permanent base this could gear up into one fearsome custody battle between the former ‘golden couple’. For one thing the wedding ring is off! That could mean even more ‘startling’ allegations.

Tabloid journalism is about the stars. There are different sorts of stars. Some are the kind with big plastic sun glasses and big plastic lips. Some are the kind that send visitors to trailer park denizens who claimed that they tried to pick them up for hybrid breeding with the use of a tractor beam. Needless to say that trailer park meth is a scourge to North America and a boon to the tabs. It’s an ill wind that blows no good.

Anyhow with that in mind here’s a little something on the whole UFO phenomenon – “who are they?”, “where do they come from?”, and “why do they come?”. Basically the same old questions that still remain unanswered. They remained unanswered because the egg heads, like those Big Bang Theory boys, are unable to come up with nay solutions despite their many years of avoiding social contact through science. If they can’t make contact with intelligent life in this world then how are they gonna make contact with life from beyond it? However the tabloids are unafraid to go boldly and make contact with anything and everything intelligent or otherwise. So here’s a little wondertrash contribution to the issue!

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Never say never again

Remember how Halle Berry said that she’d never get married again? Well it’s a lady’s prerogative to change her mind and Berry has announced her engagement to Oliver Martinez. Now Halle had previously denied being engaged to Martinez. You can’t blame her for that since Oliver lives way over in France and Berry is involved in some kid of heated custody battle with her ex Gabriel Aubry right now. So there would be no use in upsetting everyone by coming out and saying something too soon. It might only give them more time to react! Timing is everything, and the element of surprise might not hurt either!

You see Halle has also recently filed to take daughter Nahla out of the country and over to France – the home of her prospective new beau. Naturally Gabby is opposed – damned opposed. He flipped a lid when Halle had to go to South Africa for a film. That was only for three months. This arrangement could be temporarily permanent. So there’s got to be some bad blood boiling up.

Gabby is fighting it but his case could be weakened by his recent alleged altercation with a former Nanny. Gabs had Nahla for the day and didn’t feel like sending daughter to school. She’s only 3 and why should he burn up a major chunk of his court appointed daddy time by sending his daughter out to Montessori school (that’s some kind of elite brainwashing programming for show business kids – the pass word is “arugula”). So he let her stay home. When nan comes to pick the kid up she demands to know the score. Gabs asks what the fuck it is to her and an alleged shoving match ensues. Then Gabs – who denied the incident took place in the way the nanny said it did – was ordered off for anger management.

After that there were tons of pap shots of Halle, Ollie, and Nahla out and about and looking like a merry little family. Not that she was deliberately trying to rub Gabs’ nose in it. Halle don’t play that way cause she just ain’t that kind of gal. Anyway something seemed to be building up and now we have it. The big plan seems to be hitching with Martinez and moving to Europe. Hopefully this whole thing isn’t some spiteful little plan to stick it to Aubry. That might turn her marriage to Martinez into an unfortunate fiasco – & that probably won’t end well.


Speaking of popularity Gisele Bundchen has been getting a lot of flack lately. That’s because she kind of blasted the Pats performance in the previous Superbowl. She said something about her husband Tom Brady not being able to throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time. She added a fuck in there probably for emphasis.


The Superbowl it a kind of sacred and semi religious event among the American Sports Fanatic. So unsportsmanlike like comments by some one not directly involved might be on the border of the acceptable. It would be like accusing a priest of stealing out of the collection plate would’ve been, back in the days before everyone found out what many of them actually did. Many people felt they were over the line and Gisele has been getting every sort of crap even and including comparing her to Jessica Simpson, accusing her of ruining Brady, and jinxing the Pats. Not that she spends night’s under a full moon summoning demons & boiling up her menstrual blood in a cauldron, so she can slip her witch’s brew into Brady’s morning smoothie. “There darling, how was that?”, “Emasculating, dear!” Though to hear the Internet posters go on it might not surprise them much if she did.

So far the only one to speak up for Gisele has been her sister angel Adriana Lima. When caught of guard and quizzed about Bundchen’s comments in a recent interview Lima respondedLeave her alone“. Gisele herself hasn’t addressed the touchy issue. She’s probably enough enough shits with her hubs and his colleagues. Besides those other players wives have never ever liked her. I heart that they’ve ostracized her from the moment she became partof teh Patriots family, and exclude her at team wive functions. The same sort of thing happened to Joey Heatherton back when she married a Dallas Cowboy, and may have eventually driven the poor woman to drink.

Anyway Bunders ain’t said anything about what she said, but she has been tweetin’. In fact one of her recent post bowl tweets involved this new add for Givinchey. Let’s take a little peep at that and remind ourselves of the Gisele that Gisele used to be back when she was admired for parading around in her underwear, instead of despised for speaking in public!

Of course some caution should be used before blaming a woman for spoiling the Superbowl. If a woman spoils the Superbowl then a woman will have to save the Superbowl, and what woman could do that?
That would create a locker room situation!

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Halle Berry’s Ex Investigated for Child Endangerment

Beautiful people get pretty ugly

Once upon a time in Hollywood

Once upon a time in an enchanted kingdom called Hollywood a beautiful movie queen met a handsome prince and swept him off his feet. Everyone carried on like the pair were the king and queen of the prom. Then they had a kid together. Then things went sour and they went their separate ways. That’s the part where the storyline diverges from Brangelina.

the couple in question

The couple in question were Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry. When they split up people were shocked but not too shocked. It’s kind of the way people felt when Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher busted up. Halle and Gabby seemed to be handling the bust up well and even agreed on joint custody. Then Halle got a film job down in South Africa.

where’s King Solomon when you need him?

Halle had to go away for 3 to 6 months and planned to take baby Nahla with her. Now Gabby wasn’t having any of that. So he suggested that Halle leave the tot with him while she clued up her movie making. Halle wasn’t any more pleased about leaving her daughter for 3 to 6 months than he was. So there was a stalemate.

father go farther

Now being mature reasonable people they managed to hit upon an ad hoc arrangement. Halle would take Nahla to South Africa and Gabby would come along for the ride. She’d pay him to be the child’s care giver – kind of like a nanny – and they’d live under the same roof. In the event that living under the same roof became unbearable then Halle would rent a near by villa for Gabby. Nahla could stay there with her father during the day while Halle did her close ups. Perfectly sensible arrangement that only required large sums of money to pull off (It might have been even more reasonable if she’d rented the villa from the start, instead of waiting to see if things became unreasonable)!

this is gonna take a while, and Katherine Heigl, so you know it’s getting nasty

So it seemed like our estranged super couple were working it out. Then some where along the way they fell out again. Just recently stories started surfacing about Halle and Gabby heading off to court for a flat out knock down drag out custody show down! Like I said, this has been building up for awhile.

On Jan 31 2011 – that’s about 1 year ago if you’re following the Halle Gabby timeline – People Mag reported that Halle was headed to court. Her objective was full custody of daughter Nahla. She was so serious that she dropped out of the lead in New Years Eve. That was good news for Katherine Heigl, who got to replace her. Halle was determined because in the words of her reps and lawyers –

“Halle has serious concerns for her daughter’s well-being while in the care of her father for any extended period of time and is prepared to take all necessary steps to protect her. She has attempted to resolve these custody issues amicably with her daughter’s father, Gabriel Aubry, directly, but given his lack of cooperation, Halle has no choice but to seek swift judicial intervention. Halle has always made the needs and safety of her daughter her first priority and, both while Halle and Gabriel were a couple and since their break-up, Halle has only acted in her daughter’s best interest.”

the cruelest month & Kim Kardashian included!

Now to you or I that might sound like the kind of half baked statement that comes out of the usual PR cookie cutter. However it preceded and interesting back and forth between Halle & Gabby. At 1st Gabby, by way of People Mag, claimed that the allegations were untrue & irresponsible. He claimed that he was being maigned, and tat he didn’t wanted to be dragged into some dispute over one of Halle’s films. Then D Listed & TMZ got in on the act. Basically the story that came out through those outlets was that Halle had issues. While she was dating Olivier Martinez, to whom she is now engaged, Aubry claimed that she was not over him. She was possessive & objected to him dating other people, and would even phone him up in a rage. Halle responded that Gabby was crazy and jealous. Needless to say Gabby was disappointed by Halle’s response. Feb 2011 was a rough month for them. There was even a Kim Kardashian angle. Here’s brief recap:

From People: Team Berry says that Halle got mad when Gabriel started dating amateur porn star and role model to our youth Kim Kardashian, because she didn’t want a reality star in her daughter’s life. Meaning Halle was afraid that the cameras that constantly follow Kim would catch her daughter and she’d end up on TV. Yes, because Nahla can sign her own releases. However, Team Aubry says that Nahla never laid eyes on the twin warthogs clinging to Kim’s ass.
1 point for Team Aubry

From TMZ: One of Gabriel’s ex-girlfriends has put a white cone on his head by saying that he’s bi-racist and always used racial slurs against black people. Gabriel’s ex, who dated him for 2 years, says he never beat her ass, but he treated women like shit.
2 points for Team Berry

From TMZ: Team Berry is going hard on this one. Sources close to Halle have added possible “child abuse allegations” to Gabriel’s rap sheet by saying that Nahla always hysterically cries when he picks her up for visits. Halle constantly has a “something in the milk ain’t clean” moment whenever she sees Nahla with Gabriel. Nahla seems scared of her own father and Halle thinks something wrong is going down. The child touching and/or child whoopin’ seed has been planted.
1 point for Team Berry

From Radar: Because this whole disaster is the second coming of OctoSana & Mad Mel, Team Gabriel says he has recorded tapes of Halle RAGING at him in her crazy bitch voice. Team Gabriel says that since he’s an upstanding moral man of integrity (served on a bed of lukewarm sarcasm noodles), he’s not going to release the tapes to the media. Gabriel is saving them just in case shit gets really real REAL in their custody fight.
1 point for Team Aubry

From Radar: So much for that “no leaking” rule. Radar magically got a hold of an e-mail Halle allegedly sent to Gabriel during one of her jealous meltdowns. Halle’s e-mail reads, “You were only good for one thing…Thanks for the donation.” Hey, that’s the same thank you note I get in the mail whenever I put a dollar in the tithing basket at my mom’s Catholic church. Team Gabriel also adds that he did call Halle a “fucking bitch” when she “provoked” him, but he’s never thrown a racial slur at her. In fact, Team Gabriel swears that he kept calm and quiet whenever she screamed at him on the phone.

history repeats it’s self in current events ‘here we go again’ agony

Luckily they got through Feb and the rest of the year. There were a few minor court skirmishes but things carried on as if they were normal. That brings us to current events. 3 year old Nahla was visiting her father when things took an odd turn. Seems Nahla didn’t want to go to school that day and Aubry let her off the hook. When nanny Alliance Kamdem showed up she wanted to know what the deal was and things got heated. Nanny claims that Aubry pushed, while she was holding Nahla. So naturally that lead to child endangerment charges.

Nanny Alliance

It lead Halle, with her nanny, back to court. She’s asked a judge for a restraining order. The order is to prohibit Aubry from any contact with Nanny Kamden until the child endangerment issue is resolved. That could be tough to resolve since nanny Kamden is making allegations about Aubry yelling and screaming and Nahla, which causes her to cower in fear. Kamden also claims Aubry makes young Nahla sit in a corner in his condo. To that end the L.A. County Dept. of Children and Family Services is also conducting a child endangerment investigation. Kamden claims she fears retaliation from Aubry.

“insufficient and speculative” – just like a blog!

As of now the restraining order is out. The judge called the petition “insufficient and speculative.” One further development, Kamden has quit her hi profile nanny job with Berry.

“The thing that attracts people to “The Sopranos” is the family element. It shows that America still has a longing for that traditional upbringing.” Christine O’Donnell

photo from the skull cave

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