Wonder Woman vs the Terminator – Hasta La Vista, Baby!

Wonder Woman vs Predator!



Tis the season for dirty laundry. If you’re into that sort of thing you could take your pick nowadays. take Arnold Schwarzenegger for instance. Arnie was the body builder who shot to fame with a combo for steroids and snappy one liners! By the time he was filming predator he was serious enough about Kennedy Kid Maria Schriver to take time out from shooting to jet off to Hyannis Port for some chowder and a wedding!

Skip forward a decade or so, past some cheesy action flicks, some good attempts at comedy, and a run for governor and many Kennedy family barbecues, to the present situation. The present situation is that the Sperminator is deep in shit. Seems that while the Gov was grinning for the cameras with Maria at his side, and getting solar panels installed on the gov’s mansion to show that he was a conservative with his heart in the right place; he was also banging away at the hired help. The gov had a side piece in the form of “staff with benefits” That lead to a child that came along about the same time as one of his kid’s with Maria. When Arnie and American Maid weren’t busy soiling the sheets in the gov’s mansion, sidepiece was busy trying on Maria’s cloths and jewelry. I could bore you with details except you wouldn’t be bored, and a pro can do it better! So here’s the pro!

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Wow, I mean wow. Over 50 years since World War 2 and Germans are still evil! Of course Arnie is an Austrian. To be clear an Austrian is a German with enough PR savvy to deny being German in public. The Pope doesn’t deny being German but he’s got so many other PR problems that there’d hardly be any point.

Back to Evil Arnie! Now that you’ve got all the dirty details you probably want to know what else is new. Maria is seeing a lawyer. Also should push come to shove she stands to get a real windfall. As much as 50 mill according to some sources. Though she is a Kennedy that doesn’t make her as rich as you think. That loot got split up in trust amongst numerous grand kids (John John was well heeled at the time of his untimely death. He was reputedly worth 250 mill at the time. It should be said that much of that was from Jackie and made post JFK, through Onassis and her various projects.). Arnie on the other hand has money to burn, what with his long career of cranking out the bash ’em up flicks.

So it’s not surprising that Arnie ain’t to thrilled with this whole divorce deal. According to Popeater he’s “willing to beg” to get his wife back. According to Poopeater Arnie has said through some professional mouth piece that:

“He knows that he has made mistakes, terrible mistakes in his past but isn’t prepared to lose the greatest woman in his life. This has nothing to do with money or the children. He misses her terribly and will do whatever it takes to win her back. Even begging.”

I like the ‘this isn’t about the money, or the kids’ comment. Mentioning money and tacking on the kids as an after thought just makes it so much more convincing. He didn’t have to mention his political career since that’s over and done with, even if they do change the constitution to let Evil Germans run for pres. So the moral of the story is that there’s a time and place for everything, and even if you’re a big shot action hero it might be a good idea to learn the art of gun control – now an issue Arnie will never have to grapple with politically.

wondertrash

Andy still a dick

Even Gloria Allred wouldn’t touch this!

I’d say that Andy Dick is still fighting his demons except that these days his demons are probably ashamed to be seen with him. That doesn’t mean that Andy is ashamed to show his face out in public, and his his usual condition too; drunk and disorderly! Seems that Andy was out and about down in Temecula, CA. That’s ’cause fashionable LA establishments won’t let him on their premises. Anyway Andy was enjoying himself in a local restaurant when he got a little too high spirited. That’s a polite euphemism for got drunk out of his mind and made a fool of himself.

everyday is a reality TV episode

Now there’s no word yet on what sort of tomfoolery Andy was involved in (I’m assuming that it was more than a nipple slip), but it did result in the usual visit from the cops. Andy got charged with a misdemeanor charge of disorderly conduct with alcohol. Then he was escorted off the premises and to the nearest drunk tank. It must be reassuring to know that there are some establishments that still welcome him; even if it’s only into the Lindsay Lohan suite. Anyway Andy got some time to sober up and enjoy some complimentary jail house hamburgers before paying his $500 fine and being released. So he is once again free to pursue his new career as a public nuisance! Oh yeah, and he also got this nifty mugshot as a little memento!

https://i2.wp.com/dlisted.com/files/andydickmugshot.jpg

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wondertrash

Zsa Zsa Gabor wants to move up in class

For those unfamiliar with Zsa Zsa Gabor – except as a comedic characterture of an aging Hollywood actress, she was the Kim Kardashian of her day (She and her two sisters originated the Kardashian act). That means she was a characterture of a Hollywood sex symbol. That’s kind of like being a female impersonator except you’re a woman – anyone remember Victor/Victoria? To that end Zsa Zsa made a bunch of B movies that no one remembers, married and divorced alot of husbands – she was kind of in the alimony business, and guest starred on The Beverly Hillbillies a few times. So you can say that she’s a sort of pop cultural icon. Like Susan Somer’s Thigh Master commercials! About the only thing she didn’t get around to was getting shot in the gob by Phil Spector!

Bed room farce antics aside, Zsa Zsa did live a rich and interesting life. She married Anna Nicole Smith’s lover, and almost became Smith’s adoptive mother. That was when Anna Nic tried to convince her lover, who is Zsa Zsa’s husband – Prince von Arnolt, to legally adopt her. That way she could officially become a princess! Sounds flaky buts that how Arnolt inherited his princely title, and probably how the woman he screwed out of the title got it herself!

Even though this is a very European arrangement – in this case “European” differentiates from American in that there is no pretense to any kind of morality or decorum. It’s a “we’re consenting adults and know how the world works *wink wink*” deal – Zsa Zsa wasn’t having any part of it. So she out the kibosh on the deal and Anna Nicole had to settle for a Texas oil billionaire, whom she quickly married and promptly buried.

Did I say bed room farce antics aside? Zsa Zsa did do something genuinely interesting. She slapped a LA traffic cop. The guy pulled Gabor over after he saw her car slowly serving all over the road. Seeing an elderly actress behind the wheel he must’ve assumed that she was having a botox induced stroke, or perhaps was buzzed out on a cocktail of powerful sedatives legally obtained from her many physicians. So he asked her if she needed assistance.

Zsa Zsa, who was allegedly drunk at the time, staggered forth from the vehicle and informed the good officer in a heavily slurred accent that she was a famous actress who’s husband is a Prince, and that she has many powerful friends who could break the fellow like a match stick, so ‘jump back Jack‘ Then she landed him a smack across the chops to make sure he got the point. When I say smack I mean that she hit him, not kissed him. A kiss from that grizzled old beak would’ve been so traumatic that the fellow would’ve had grounds for a law suit.

Now when your main claims to fame are based on a clownish B movie image and a bunch of ridiculous incidents, then you might have a real burning need to be taken more seriously. God knows Zsa Zsa will never be Helen Mirren, not now at her age; but I’m sure that she hasn’t given up hope – God bless her soul. After all Helen Mirren wasn’t really Helen Mirren until she got up in years. In her prime she did the roles Joan Collins turned down – & Joansie didn’t turn down much of anything! The point is that a little respect would be nice, even if completely undeserved.

The recent passing of Jayne Russell and Elizabeth Taylor seem to have brought this point home to ailing Zsa Zsa. It seems that she’s got it in her mind that celebs always go in 3’s (they do: one dies naturally and the other 2 follow along for the attention!). Further more she’s convinced that if she can make number three, then that will prove to the world that she just wasn’t come over stuffed clown with an accent, but an actress of the highest caliber! With that in mind she has insisted on being rushed to the hospital!

Now the official story is that Zsa Zsa was at home fidgeting restlessly in front of the TV when she got the sad news about Taylor. Then, according to her publicist – who may have been standing near by with pen and pad in hand to record Gabor’s words for posterity – Zsa yelps out “Oh, Jane Russell and Liz Taylor — I’m next.” The publicist – John Blanchette doesn’t go on to say whether or not anyone burst out in laughter.

Zsa Zsa took the whole deal very seriously though. She insisted on having her blood pressure taken. According to Blanchette it was “soaring“. Not that you can make anything out of that since Gabor is high pressure at the best of times. Anyway it was enough to get her carted off to the hospital and put on unofficial death watch. As for the prognosis, Blanchette goes on to say that Gabor is a fighter, as one LAPD officer can attest to. Now I’m not sure how to take that remark. With Gabor that just might mean this is one casting call she’s determined to make, even though it’s only for the final curtain. That’s fame for you – eventually it’s being the stiff at your own funeral, and looking as life like as you ever did! Good luck Zsa Zsa!

By the way Zsa Zsa isn’t the only one trying to horn in on the action. Westboro Baptist Church has announced plans to protest at Taylor’s funeral. They take issue with Taylor’s long time AIDS activism, which they call “enabling gays“. So that makes them almost as flaky as Victoria Jackson! Plus they’re looking to score some major publicity! No official word on the rumors that they’re currently shopping around a reality TV premise based on their colorful “ministry“.

wondertrash

Michael Lohan Arrested for Felony Domestic Violence

Michael Lohan: Fame is an octagon

It’s seems like trouble is the Lohan family business. On that score Lindsay seems to be the main bread winner with her frequent legal run ins and rehab stints. Papa Mikey is no slouch when it comes to rowdy hell raising himself. Mike has this problem which is that he occasionally likes to go ape shit on what ever woman is brain damaged enough to be dating him at the time. Like Kate Major. Kate was some kind of reporter or something with Star Magazine who got hooked up with and then dumped by Jon Gosselin. She rebounded on to Mike Lohan. I’d call that a case of sloppy seconds except that Major hasn’t qualified as ‘seconds‘ for many many helpings. She’s more like that thing festering in tinfoil at the back of the refrigerator.

Anyhow they were getting along famously and Kate was saying Lohan was the great love of her life, just the way she was saying Jon Gosselin was the great love of her life. It’s a lady’s perogative to change her mind – so Kate might as well try it too. Things were going along hunky dory until some one got drunk, we’re not sure who but it could have been both of them, and then the shit hit the fan. The story that trickled down to the public via twitter, the internet, and supermarket tabs, was that Mikey got home all liquored up and found Kate drunk and out cold in an arm chair. one thing lead to another as such situations often do and soon Kate was sprawled on the floor and the cops were on the way. This couldn’t have happened at a worse time for Mikey since he only had 2 weeks left on his probation for some previous domestic assault type incident.

Some guys never win. In Mikey’s case it’s more like some guys never learn. That’s because it appears lover boy has pulled another one of his patented shit for brains stunts. The details are so far sketchy, but it goes something like this:

“Mr. Lohan was arrested after we received a call around 9 p.m. regarding a domestic dispute. He was detained after he was spotted walking on the street near our station. He showed no signs of intoxication that I’m aware of and has been cooperative.”

At least that’s the version Lt. John Ratto gave People Magazine. Maybe Lt Latto is some kind of celebrity liaison officer. The slightly more detailed version as Lohan assaulting an unnamed victim. Lohan thens tarted complaining about an “unrelated medical condition” – I’m guessing chest pains. So he was rushed over to Cedars Sinai Hospital. He’s currently laying low there while he contemplates his next move.

That next move better involve a way to raise a hughnomous wad of cash, ’cause this time the police are holding him on 200 000 bail. It’s gonna be tough for Mikey to pull in those kind of funds since Lindsay is the oly one in the family with any kind of income. Her income is currently tied up in rehab bills and lawyers fees, stemming from her own particular brand of mayhem.

So look on the bright side – Japan may be about to go nuclear, the mid east may be dissolving in turmoil, Charlie Sheen is threatening to unleash violent torpedoes of truth on the nation in the form of a cross country stand up tour, and Donald Trump may be poised to run for office on a Sarah Palin presidential ticket; but at least Michael Lohan is off the streets and in some kind of supervised environment for an indefinite period of time. Every once in a blue moon the system works! There could even be an up side to this. Mikey might eventually earn his own living by pitching a reality TV concept where he fights other D List celebs! They could call the show Michael Lohan’s Starwhackers! It’d beat American Idol to hell!

Firecrotch Redhanded

As for the second most troubled member of the Lohan clan, Lindsay is set to pull a Mel & plead no contest to her jewelry stealing charges. Her mother Dina emphasizes that o contest is not the same as guilty – it’s completely different in the way that not guilty doesn’t mean innocent. She then goes on to call LA a fucked up town – that’s not news but saying it won’t make her any friends, and talk about some imaginary film projects she’s considering for her daughter.

Personally I’d recommend a few whacked out calls to Alex Jones (make sure to frequently mention starwhackers) followed by a Lindsay Lohan nation wide stand up tour. They could call it “Sticky Fingers“, or if the Rolling Stones get pissed over that then maybe “Firecrotch Red Handed“. Read about that over @ Zimbio!

wondertrash

Jesse James threatens to write book – anti climax expected!

running out of tiger blood!

After taking a few days off to mourn Charlie Sheen’s gradual return to sanity – God that man came up with some interesting shit! – I’m back to dish, though with much less inspiring shit to work with. For those of you afraid that it has something to do with Justin Bieber’s hair, or Kim Kardashian revealing she has had silicone injections but won’t say where, don’t worry. I can offer livelier fare, but it ain’t much liver.

who’s who

Today’s offering involves a gal more sympathetic than Jennifer Aniston. IN fact she’s only slightly less sympathetic than Rihanna! This chick would be none other than America’s Sweetheart – well one of ’em anyway. The whole America’s Sweetheart deal is kind of like the Heavy Weight Boxing Championship: there’s about a half dozen belts on the go and the public has lost interest. She’s also one of the reining Queens of Romcoms; I guess that’s kind of like the Heavyweight Sweetheart deal. Anyway it’s not Katherine Heigl, but poor humiliated Sandy Bullock.

if you can’t find fresh freaks then send in the clowns

If you’ll recall about a little over a year ago Sandy was on top of the world. She had a blockbuster film career, a skeezy tattooed husband with a pick up truck for the kind of ‘real people‘ credibility Angelina Jolie hasn’t had since she stopped wearing billy Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck, real affection from the movie going public, oh yeah and she had that Oscar in her hot little hand too. It looked like everything was coming up Sandy, until the shit hit the fan.

shitbomb

The shit hit the fan in the form of her husband’s sleazy mistress Michelle Magee. Magee was nicknamed Bombshell – at least that was her working name, and she was the sort of greasy bitch that Tiger Woods wouldn’t have touched with a shitty stick wrapped in an asbestos condom. Not unless he was on his usual Ambien & Viagra cocktail anyway. What Bombshell worked at was stripping and posing for fetish websites. By fetish think vomit and dog shit. It’s all about what don’t wash out! So the chick had a serious career she was working on, with white power and home wrecking as a sideline. All work and no play will leave people asking “why is there stale vomit in your hair?

Vanilla Gorilla makes a monkey out of Bullock!

The shit couldn’t have hit the fan at a worse time either, since as I mentioned people had just watched Sandy pick up her shiny chrome celebrity validation award in a highly televised ceremony. Sandy had been waiting for this moment for a very long time – ever since she wanted to be an actress when she grew up – so she made a big deal out of it. Unfortunately she made a big deal out of the Vanilla Gorilla too. She made some public comments about how real he was, how he’d made her more real, and how he was charming the pants off of Morgan Freeman (although hopefully not with some cooked up scheme that involved getting him to bend over!). In short she said he’d made a Hollywood actress a better person – which is no small feat. Then it got too real.

who’s Ricky Gervias?

Hot on the heels of this all these scuzzy photos of Bombshell licking dog vomit up in her under wear while baring her swastika tattoos to the world came up. Apart from maybe Mel Gibson no one was impressed. It made Sandy look lower than all those mentioned at the intro of the last Golden Globes (almost forgot about that since Charlie Sheen’s wild over the top media blow out didn’t you?). The difference was that this shit actually stuck, and for days and days after. What was sticking was a question: If Jesse was really a bad piece of shit, like we’re finding out; and he was really the most important person in Sandy’s life, like she said; then how could she not know about any of this nazi shit? Something smelled rotten, and it wasn’t just the leftovers from some fetish sex orgy; though that might have been part of it.

there’s more to outrage than pretty pretty dresses

Well then if this question has been plaguing your mind, then you’re as socially aware and conscious as Natalie Portman on a pre Oscar clothing spree. So you might also be interested to know that Vanilla Gorilla has a new book coming out. Normally no one would dignify that book with the purchase price. They’d simply wait for the National Enquirer to give them the gist of it, or borrow it from the public library. However this time there’s a very good reason to put our high minded outrage aside and indulge our morbid curiosity. The reason is that Jesse addresses the Sandy question.

relationshit

According to Jesse in his new book Sandy probably had no idea about his fringe interests in nazism and fetish sex. For one thing she was never really that interested in any part of his life. That included their time in bed together. Jesse claims that bed with Sandy involved books, newspapers, scripts – the kind of shit grease monkeys with Hitler tattoos hate, and as much as 6 dogs. The dogs didn’t even figure in the way he liked either – they were lying affectionately at the foot of the bed, instead of licking fresh maggots out of her vagina! Now Jesse hasn’t come right out and said that she drove him into the arms of sex offenders because she was too damned boring in bed. Gentleman Jesse just left that to be inferred. However some are saying that he has come right straight out and implied that the ex is a lesbian or something, allegedly! Here’s some excerpts of what he did say.

“Jesse would always say that Sandra went to bed with a book or script and five or six of their dogs, leaving little room for him in bed and no chance to have sex,” the source said.

“He also told friend that he and Sandra had zero physical attraction, and they hadn’t had sex for months before they split. Sandra is on edge because Jesse could justify his cheating by creating the false impression that she withheld sex from him or is a lesbian.”

Publishing insiders say that Jesse’s book royalties are tied to how much he reveals about Sandra. She’s agonizing over the possibility that Jesse will spill heartbreaking details of her failure to conceive, and even accuse her of condoning his Nazi fascination.

“Jesse owns a large collection of Nazi memorabilia, including a surfboard with a life-size Hitler doing the Nazi salute that he kept in his office at the garage. He also had swastikas, helmets and Nazi uniforms at the home he shared with Sandra. While Sandra wasn’t a fan of his Nazi stuff, did she turn a blind eye to it? If Jesse tells the world she was OK with his collection, that could come back to haunt her, especially since her late mother was German.”

put the titillate back in tittle tattle!

So that should clear everything up, unless it makes everything a lot more confusing. That’s the problem with tell alls, especially when they tell you nothing. I say if you’re gonna tittle tattle than have the guts and basic honesty to rat out the bastards like a mafia fink trying to get into the witness protection program! That means all bets off, no holds barred, and the Marquis of Queensbury rule book gets tossed right out the window! If not, then don’t waste everyone’s time by getting their hopes up and then pussy footing around ’cause your lawyer told you to be careful and Bullock’s business a manger said “don’t worry something can be worked out!” You’re just taking precious work away from Andrew Morton. At least Jesse’s people are still making some noises about a possible Jesse James ‘alleged‘ sex tape. Though it should be said that the alleged tape doesn’t involve Sandra Bullock, but Miss Tila Tequila and a German Sheppard named Shitler! That ought fill some attention in the post Charlie Sheen celebrity outrage vacuum!

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Hollywood Refugees

Is it possible for some one to take over control of every aspect of your life? If you’re married, or if you’re Randy Quaid, then the answer is “yes“. How does this secret band of Hollywood Star Whackers take control of an unsuspecting celebrity? Well according to Randy Quaid they tag you cell phone, put bogus stories about you into the media, and of course set up power of attorney documents giving them access to your royalty stream in perpetuity! After that they’ve got you right where they want you. They only thing left for them is to get you out of the way.

That’s what Randy Quaid was afraid would happen to him and his wife Evi when their strange adventure began. It started with some legal beefs over unpaid bills. Quaid claims that he and his wife were totally set up. That’s the way these ‘total businessmen‘ operate. Then things got gradually worse, until the Quaids had become something of a joke in the entertainment community. With their reputation ruined and the law closing in with a vengeance, that left the Quaids looking for sanctuary. They attempted to find that in Vancouver, Canada, until the long arm of the law closed in on them there too. Once they were picked up outside a bank it looked like deportation, and a messy trial/media spectacle would follow.

The Quaids have so far short circuited that. They applied to the Canadian government for protection, claiming that they were refugees from Hollywood who only wanted to be left alone by the criminals in the United States. If they were sent back then their lives would be in immediate jeopardy from the band of above the law star whackers who’ve offed the likes of Heath Ledger and others.

Now when that first came out people thought that it must be a lame ploy to avoid deportation. Canada won’t sent people back if they’re in immanent danger of being killed. However if it’s a ploy then the Quaids are taking it to the next level. Randy & Evi gave an interview on Good Morning America today in which they elaborated on their strange conspiracy theories. Not only did they give some details on what they believe is happening to them, but also named some names about who else might be at risk. According to Bonny & Clyde, Lindsay Lohan needs to watch her step – but not in the way that Dr. Drew means (If there are star whackers out there then Dr. Drew has got to be in on it. He already demonstrated criminal tendencies with his “frame her up better than the Mona Lisa” comments about Lohan.). Britney Spears is on thin ice too. Their master stroke was left for Mel Gibson.

According to the couple Gibson has been targeted by the Star Whackers. What’s more Oksana Grigorieva was ‘sent in‘ to ‘destroy him‘. Now that’s consistent with their thinking. Gibson has been very successful, so his royalty stream has gotta flow like Niagra Falls, even after all those unpleasant telephone recordings about rose gardens and blow jobs. All some shrewd star whacker would have to do is get him declared mental, take over power of attorney, and make sure that he’s discredited in the media so that he will neither be believed or defended! That would explain everything except the tapes themselves. Evi has an answer for that one thought – “He was drugged! Some one slipped him a mickey!” she claimed on GMA. Most people who know about Mel assume that he was drunk and that no one else slipped him anything that he wasn’t voluntarily sipping. Still if some one wanted to slip him a mickey, it probably wouldn’t be too hard – “Hey Gibson – wanna drink?

But enough commentary. Here are the Quaids in their own words from that Good Morning America interview! They explain everything including how close Dennis Quaid is to becoming another Hollywood casualty. He’s already been pigeon holed into making crap films, according to Evi. Dennis has also been mysteriously alienated from his brother and sister in law. The “crap movies” comment may have had something to do with that. You know how sensitive performers can be. However Evi reassures viewers that Dennis is talented, so no slight was meant. Here now is the interview, so put on your tin fiol hats and be prepared to be amazed.

http://abcnews.go.com/assets/player/walt2.6/flash/SFP_Walt_2_65.swf

A compelling argument. Lucidly communicated too. They’ve answered everything. In fact the only stone left unturned would be a possible Diana Napolis aka Curio Jones connection. I’ve always wondered why that particular story got buried by the media. I guess no one messes with Jennifer Love Hewitt! Now before you poo poo these ideas remember that stranger things have happened, unless Marylin Munroe really did od on sleeping pils. Besides,Hollywood Star Whackers anagrams to Swarthy, hallowed crooks That’s gotta be more than coincidence!

It’s easy to make fun of the Quaids. For one thing they’re obviously crazy. However let’s move out of our comfort zones for a moment, and assume for the sake of argument that they’re sane. For one thing they’re not saying anything that hasn’t been said before. When the late lamented Michael Jackson passed on from Neverland to the final neverland, his own sister Janet claimed that he’d been helped along by people around him that had decided he was worth more dead. At the time we assumed that it was grief talking and so everyone cut her slack. Yet it has just been announced that Michael Jackson was Forbes Top Dead Earner last year. He made $270 million, and that’s more than Oprah! Now Jackson’s family say that they haven’t seen one thin dime of this. The business managers pay the bills but won’t issue them any checks. So where’s the money going?

Also, in some twitter posts some time back Courtney Love claimed that she was being ripped off by a group of business managers who had set up bogus social insurance numbers for her late husband Kurt Cobain. They then proceeded to take out mortgages on these SIN’s. Love claimed that these financial shenanigans had left her almost broke.

Now when Courtney starts talking strange people assume that she’s on something and they stop paying attention. Yet a pattern is developing. So many Hollywood stars passed on back in 2009 that people began referring to it as the year of death. It seemed that there were more deaths than might be expected from coincidence alone. So who’s to say whether or not there might be something to the talk of conspiracies and star whackers.

BTW happy birthday to the world’s most beautiful woman Aishwarya Rai.

Incidentally, one of Ms. Rai’s biggest pet peeves is people who pronounce her lat name as Buchanan! You can call her the most beautiful woman in the world though, well right after this chick!

wondertrash

Body English


how to win friends and influence people: first, stop being yourself

http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:uma:video:mtv.com:587885

Movie TrailersMovies Blog

IN show business PR is big business. When millions are invested into the image of some young waiter or waitress on their way to becoming the next who ever – you don’t want any malfunctions derailing things. You want to build on their likability and creditability as much as possible, so that people will want to see their movies and support their projects. Interviews can be rough since it requires young performers to answer questions and often give opinions. If they say the wrong thing then it could be the train to goodbyesville for ’em.

dancing with the stars, singing for their supper

You can almost imagine a small battalion of image wranglers and interview coaches employed by the studios to help young talent to keep their feet out of their mouths! They might offer such helpful hints such as “When Letterman asks about your previous relationship act like you’re cool with it and totally get the joke – don’t stare off in the distance and start talking to yourself” or “If anyone asks, Sarah Palin is a wing nut but you’re enjoying her daughter in Dancing With the Stars“.

attack of the Krisbians

So with the sad fates of Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise serving as cautionary reminders more and more emphasis gets put on faking it – or prepping for those risky public interviews as if they were high school examinations or job interviews to be tap danced through. That makes it even more difficult to get to know what sort of person our favourite celebrities really are. “Not finding out” is the point, I guess. Occasionally though an interview will be minor enough and the question awkward enough to provoke some kind of psuedo human response. AS in the case of Kristen Stewart when asked by an MTV host if she knew what “Krisbians” are.

http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:uma:video:mtv.com:587894

Movie TrailersMovies Blog
Different strokes for different folks

Kristen does a lot of nail chewing in that one. If she ain’t highly uncomfortable then she’s a much better actress than several Twilight installments would suggest. As for Krisbians, if you didn’t get it they’re lesbians who want to bend the fair Ms Stewart to their will! You can see the appeal, Ms Kristen is an attractive young woman. They didn’t mention how many people Ms Stewart may have turned Krisbian, or whether the rumours are true about her being a practicing Krisbian herself – but that was neither the time nor the place. Let us just be thankful that so successful a young woman – successful enough to be on Emma Hermione Watson’s hit list, is still capable of some human, or at least human like, responses. Of course I suppose that those human touches will get airbrushed out by the time she’s ready for her big magazine cover or spread.

It amazing that the celebrity class, who are schooled in the black arts of fake sincerity, are still sometimes capable of giving themselves away through body language. Then again a life of constant deception must be rough. No one can ever know what you’re really feeling thinking etc cause if they did then they might not like you as much any more and your future career as a talk show host or info-mercial pitch man might go down the toilet. Then you’d have nothing to look forward to but reality TV redemption, and that’s a hard path back! So you’re stuck with constantly faking it and suppressing yourself for the sake of the image. Must feel a lot like being Clark Kent!

freaking Megan out

Speaking of which the woman who was almost Wonder Woman, Megan Gale, is usually a pretty controlled customer. She’s hardly the kind ot blow her cool. Yet some Italian TV presenters got quite a reaction out of her for their show. It only needed a amorous Italian driver behind the wheel of a high speed automobile to freak Megan out! Then she showed viewers all kinds of body language!

Even non Italian speakers will have a fair idea whats going on their by Ms Gale’s shocked expressions. That’s part of what made the practical joke so good – Gale’s responses are universally understandable and no explanation is necessary. Plus there’s no need to edit out naughty language! When she crossed her self and started praying even the most obtuse should’ve caught on. I like the way she took control and pulled the keys out of the ignition. Now that lady is an Amazon! You’ll be happy to know that Megan reverted back into her mild mannered alter ego in time to attend the studio audience screening for the clip!

wondertrash

Jesse James and Kat Von D Split?

Remember when Jesse James went with Kat Von D? That was after he humiliated his ex wife – America’s Sweetheart and Oscar Winner Sandra Bullock. Jesse cheated on Sandy with a bevy of tattooed white power sex fetish chicks. Naturally people were disgusted and wanted Bullock to dump James ass, and the rest of him, asap. They didn’t have to wait long to get their wish.

So when Kat Von D announced her hook up with rebounding James people were ambivalent. ON the one hand they thought that the gruesome twosome were a perfect match. KVD is heavily tattooed. She has also had a brush with white power. During her reality TV days she sent her Jewish boss a hate filled racially charged e mail, which she later denied sending, and even later admitted to bu claimed that she didn’t mean it. The back story on that is KVD was working for a guy called Ami James on Miami Ink. James is off the Jewish persuasion – although it’s not clear who persuaded him. He and Kat had a falling out, so Kat left to do her own think. however she left James a little something to remember her by:

That’s Kat – thinking with her heart instead of using her head. Anyway the combination of racism and body art, not to mention the general sleaze factor, seemed to make her the Jesse James dream girl. They did seem to have so much in common what with being fringe culture border line personality types.

On the other hand they didn’t think that it was appropriate for James to be bouncing back into the arms of love, or whatever, so soon. He seemed to have skipped the whole penance period. It’s not that anyone considered Kat Von D to be any great prize, except for those who never out grew their heavy metal stage. It’s just that people objected to JJ being happy so soon after making everyone else so uncomfortable and Sandy Bullock so unhappy. After all he basically ruined her Oscar night!

Well never fear. Things seemed to have worked out – if not for the best then at least ‘worked out”. KVD seems to have moved on from JJ. She’s recently been spotted out and about with other fringe types with borderline personalities (Not Mel Gibson – recent bad experiences have left him gun shy). That doesn’t mean that she and JJ are dunzo. Kat gets around and there’s plenty to go around. However it doesn’t look good for the love birds. Now that the publicity factor has worn off there’s not a lot that JJ can do for KVD. He’s a failed reality TV star and presently fading too fast to even be worthwhile tabloid fodder. So KVD has every reason to move on. If it can happen to Dave & Courtney it can happen to anyone (Arquette might have been more interesting if he’d cheated with tattooed neo nazi porn stars then revealing that Cox just got tired of being his mom – the mom fetish might have been fun in Mrs. Robinson with Anne Bancroft and Dustin Hoffman, but in real life it’s a creepy drag!). Anyone except Demi & AShton – they’re in love and they don’t care who knows it!

So that should provide closure for almost everyone. Everyone except those anticipating an eventually JJ – KVD reality TV show, and poor Sandra Bullock. However even she might be getting a second shot at love. If the rumours are true Sandy is considering hooking up with the one person with whom she shares so much in common: public image, career trajectory, and unfortunate love life – none other than Jennifer Aniston! Naw, that last part ain’t true – but imagine if it were!

A meme is born

Every so often an idea catches on and goes viral. When it does it’s called a meme, and it’s usually a picture or gif, maybe even a short video clip like Keyboard Cat. The latest such meme involves Matrix actor Keanu Reeves.

Like many successful celebrities Keanu’s had a rough life. His long term girlfriend drove her car off a cliff while under the influence of cocaine. This happened shortly after their child was delivered still born (Marylin Manson was implicated in the death of Keanu’s girlfriend since he is believed to have been the one to supply her with the cocaine. According to some reports he then either sent her home in her car, or called her to come back to his place after she’d successfully made it home.). That’s a terrible blow but it didn’t stop Keanu from being one of the nicest guys in the business. He bought crew members on the Matrix their own motor bike, for one thing. Still those kind of tragedies have to leave a mark.

Whether or not they left an imprint, the hunky actor has been seen looking sad quite a bit lately. The recent pictures of Keanu on his birthday, shown wandering the streets of New York City looking lost and disheveled, and stopping for a solitary snack of a cupcake, made therounds of the Internet. Since Reeves is one of the genuinely best liked of Hollywood actors, the actor’s apparent angst made his many fans uncomfortable. As often happened they responded to the discomfort with black humour. By black humour I mean that a whole bunch of “Sad Kenau” photmanips began showing up on message boards. Here are a few such photomanips that popped up on the Internet’s premier celebrity gossip message board Gossiprocks:



Now all y’all can have a portable Sad Keanu!












































So what are we to make of this? Making a game out of some one’s sadness seems cruel, but it might not be personal. It might just be an attempt to understand the phenomenon by re contextualizing it: putting it in combination after combination after combination in an attempt to gain some feel or insight. It might also be an attempt to deal with our own awkwardness in the presence of that kind of low key “I’d ask ‘what’s the point is I still gave a damn” malaise (Keanu does seem surreally detached in the original photos and the copies seem to emphasize that). If we can say one thing with relative certainty, it could give birth to new and more dangerous memes, like Prancing Michael Sera or Silly Leo Dicaprio!

Incidentally this whole thing got started with an article reporting that “Sad Keanu talks to himself alone on birthday“. So that started people speculating on how rough things were for him. Now it should be pointed out that talking to yourself isn’t unusual for people in that profession. Even some of the most grounded Hollywood actors have been known to have an ‘off moment’, like this!

wondertrash

Rick Sanchez Fired From CNN – The Damned Jews Got Another One!

disclaimer:
the following is written in conspiracy theory form, as a satire of ideas that are becoming more apparent in our society

News, views, and Jews!

http://videos.mediaite.com/embed/player/?layout=&playlist_cid=&media_type=video&content=27825Q2T9MT1CHWX&widget_type_cid=svp

Rick Sanchez used to be an on air personality with CNN. Nowadays he’s hotter under the collar than George Dubya in a burqa. So what’s got Rickie’s hijab in a twist? Well Jon Stewart doesn’t like him and only gets away with it because the media is controlled by Jews! That puts guys like him at a disadvantage. Guys like Sanchez, are in his words guys whose parents worked hard, who were never quite white enough (“white enough” is WASP as defined by the ruling secret Jewish kabal!), and who never had anything handed to him.

Didn’t Carroll O Connor used to sing this song at the beginning of All In The Family?

Guys like Stewart, on the other hand, are guys from the college educated middle class. Their father’s have degrees, while their mothers have part time jobs of choice that allow them to maintain their dignity and afford pretentious off season vacation packages. Their parents send them to prep schools where they wore penny loafers with dimes in them just to be assholish, and learn to stick their nose in the air by thinking that everyone else is stupid.

a couple of teabags shy of a pot, or just thought no one was listening to Sirius

So naturally there’s an ‘animosity’. That animosity spilled out last night during an astonishing Mel Gibson type radio rant out featuring Sanchez on Pete Dominick’s Sirius XM show. Rick was pissed off about getting replaced as CNN anchor in favour of an Elliot “Quagmire” Spitzer Show (The Jews again! When will they leave this man in peace?), and to promote his perhaps ironically titled new book “Conventional Idiocy“. Sanchez was mighty steamed about getting the ax, so he had a full head of steam to work off.

Guys like the snob on MASH, not the drunks on Cheers!

Now he had the explanation for CNN. The guys there just don’t get it. They don’t get it because they don’t get where he’s coming from. Where he’s coming from – in more or less his own words – is an ‘off white’ background of hard knocks where dads did real jobs for chicken feed and their sons didn’t get into Ivy League colleges with a letter from the bishop or local state senator. So when they see him they just see some ‘latino’.

“It’s not just the right that does this. ‘Cause I’ve known a lot of elite, Northeast establishment liberals that may not use this as a business model, but deep down, when they look at a guy like me, they look at a … they see a guy automatically who belongs in the second tier and not the top tier … White folks usually don’t see it, but we do, those of us who are minorities … Here, I’ll give you my example, it’s this, ‘You know what, I don’t want you anchoring anymore. I really don’t see you as an anchor, I see you more as a reporter. I see you more as a Jon Quinones.’ You know, the guy on ABC. That’s what he told me, he told me he saw me as Jon Quinones. Now, did he not realize that he was telling me, ‘when I see you I think of Hispanic reporters?’ ‘Cause in his mind, I can’t be an anchor, an anchor’s what you give the high profile white guys.”

Rickie has some ‘splainin’ to do

Now what Rickie actually says is that when he sees when he looks at Jon Quinones is a Hispanic reporter. Though “Jon Quinones” are fighting words, let’s not get sidetracked on side issues when there are bigger fish to fry. Fish like that little know it all Jon Stewart. Stewart is similar to those North Eastern Bean Towner types except more so. More so means raised in New Jersey with over educated parents and a temperature controlled silver spoon up his ass (that probably came with batteries & a remote control – you know what ‘those people’ are like with science & gadgets). That’s why the little snot boy just has no respect for anyone who isn’t a member of his little junior chamber of commerce clique of privileged, uptight, smugness. However let’s let Sanchez say it for himself:

“It happens all the time. I think to a certain extent, Jon Stewart and Colbert are the same way. I think Jon Stewart’s a bigot … Yeah, I think he’s a bigot … I think he looks at the world through his mom who was a schoolteacher and his dad who was a physicist, or something like that.

“Great, I’m so happy that he grew up in a suburban, middle class New Jersey home with everything that you could ever imagine.”

Jon Stewart thinks he’s a big man – a regular Jerry Lewis!

Now bigot is a strong word. When Dominick asked Sanchez to be more specific – that’s supposed to be his job as a serious journalist, Sanchez comes up short. It was as if he were just throwing the word around for effect. Just to prove he’s serious though, he reiterates:

“I think Jon’s show is essentially prejudicial … against anybody who doesn’t agree to his point of view, which is very much a white, Liberal establishment point of view. He can’t relate to a guy like me, he can’t relate to a guy whose dad worked all his life. He can’t relate to somebody who grew up poor,” Sanchez said.

Dominick, who was previously the “Daily Show’s” warm-up comic, continued to press Sanchez for specific examples of bigoted conduct by Stewart.

Sanchez ended up attempting to back off the comments slightly. “I’ll take the word ‘bigot’ back. I’ll say prejudicial — uninformed,” he said.

Rick Sanchez’s minority report

Now Sanchez may not have all his facts straight – which as a serious journalist makes him a prime target for satirists like Stewart – but he does have a point. Jewart does seem to pick on Sanchez for some reason. Maybe it’s because he’s intimated by Sanchez’s macho. Maybe it’s because he resents Stewart’s – supposedly – up tight upper middle class Jewish American upbringing. It’s the kind of angst non Jews feel every time they see Biloxi Blues: “If only I’d grown up a whiny little momma’s boy then I could be funny too!“. Then again Stewart picks on almost everyone. So how does he keep getting away with it since he’s not that funny?

The appeal of the Daily Show is lost on me. It seems awkwardly satirical with some downplayed PC ass kissing thrown in. It’s hardly good enough to justify the fuss. In fact it’s barely better than Bill Maher (though much less obnoxious!). Once the genuinely funny and genuinely clever Stephen Colbert came along with some genuine satire, Stewart should have been obsolete. Rick Sanchez has an answer for that one too.

those kind? “Nose” kind!

You see There are a lot of guys like Jon Stewart at CNN. There are a lot of guys like that at other networks to. Whether by consensus of mutual interest or deliberate, nefarious design – these no gooders control the media! When I say a lot of guys I don’t mean Freemasons, though they control freemasonry (and Hollywood, Las Vegas, & the Vatican! That’s part of their insidious plan to control the world by controlling America, and to control America by controlling the entertainment, the gambling and the religion. Although America doesn’t identify it’s self as a Catholic country, a disturbing number of American’s are, and even one President was, Catholic! You dirty mics no who you are! The fact that they managed to get a Catholic elected president, but managed to keep their boys behind the scenes by not getting a Jew elected president should tell you everything about how these types operate! As of this time Disneyland is still in pretty good shape, but it’s getting Jewed up with a vengeance!). They don’t have secret handshakes – though then again they might for all we really know. These guys are Jews, and they like to look out for each other. Kind of like a mafia! Here’s exactly what Sanchez had to say on that:

“Yeah, very powerless people. [laughs] He’s such a minority. I mean, you know, please. What are you kidding? I’m telling you that everybody who runs CNN is a lot like Stewart and a lot of people who run all the other networks are a lot like Stewart. And to imply that somehow they, the people in this country who are Jewish, are an oppressed minority?”

That was both concise and lucid! He summed it up admirably! Now the powers that be, and I shouldn’t have to tell you who that is *winkstein* *winkstein* are trying to shut him up! As of posting time CNN had made an announcement that Sanchez was no longer working with their channel. I guess he must’ve violated some of their little Nazi thought crime rules or something.

Dirty Sanchez, or was Mel Gibson right?

Anyway they made this announcement way in advance of any announcement by Sanchez about his future. They didn’t want to give the man a chance to step out with dignity! Not that those kind understand dignity. You’d think that they pushed Sanchez because they were afraid that Rickie wouldn’t do the honourable thing and jump! So if there’s been no official statement from Sanchez on this, it’s because one is no longer necessary now that the deck has been stacked! So when attempts to reach Sanchez for an official comment on why he went Mel Gibson on the radio repeatedly went unanswered, it’s not because he’s gutless or anything. Let’s just say that the Jews got another one! Besides I’m sure that Rick is taking some needed time off to catch up on reading the Protocols of the Elders of Zion. Did you know that reading that thing is like reading today’s news! It’s like it was written by Nostrodamus or something!

BTW since my eyes first started opening to the shadow world behind this one I’ve learned some amazing things. Here’s the most important things you have to know about the World Zionist Conspiracy!

1. Einstein stole the Theory of Relativity while still working as a patent clerk. The thesis was included as part of some guy’s perpetual motion invention!

2. “High profile white guys” mean Jews. The ‘white elite‘ are the front people, like Rockefeller was for the Rothschilds when he created the Federal Reserve by sinking the Titanic!

3. Jews have suppressed evidence of an alien crash at Area 51 to maintain faith in an Old Testament god, which is their lock on Western Culture. Of course they also try to undermine tradional values, but that just the Hegelian Dialectic in operation!

4. Jews have been spreading the rumour that Jesus Christ was Jewish for centuries!

5. The Jewish didn’t build Stonehenge, but repeatedly tried cheating Stone Age Briton’s out of it!

6. Every time you pay your cell phone bill portions of the money go to sponsor Israel!

7. The Jews not only started Hurricane Katrina, but then tried to blame it on black people!

8. Bill Clinton is secretly Jewish!

9. Jews killed Princess Diana because they feared the influence that Dodi Al Fayd might gain!

10. Some of your best friends might be Jewish. Even worse, you might not know it! They routine anglicize their names, Like Bernie Schwartz to Tony Curtis. This way they can inveigle themselves into society and work it’s ruin. It’s like a kind of Fifth Column right here in our midst. So be on guard, lest they come for you too! My advice – never trust a guy who’s been circumcised, or a woman who’s had a nose job!

Now a little more of Mr Sanchez and some borderline comments about the pres. Wait for it cause it’s about 1 minute into the video.

Well I guess Sanchez’s goose is cooked, and rightly so. His career looks like it’s going the same way as Mel Gibson’s, Michael Richard’s, Don Imus’, etc. Who knew that world was still such a racist place? Still, if Sarah Palin has shown us anything it’s that just because some one has no business having a career doesn’t mean that the public has heard the last of them.

Maybe Sanchez will get onto reality TV via race rehab. Now that’s not a bad idea since at the rate celebs are fucking up in public the powers that be – Jewish or otherwise – are gonna have to do something or their won’t be a celeb left that isn’t racist, drug addicted, a sex offender, or otherwise retarded (I can still say that because the retarded aren’t a race, right? Or are they?). Who knows, maybe inflammatory FOX News can do something for him. They’ve aired more extreme, equally insane views on their network. Glenn Beck, with his chalk board and greasy finger of Vick’s, is already running his news show on an X Files basis! FOX is America’s No 1 source for news related information, just like The Daily Show is America’s No 1 source for news related commentary.

wondertrash
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