The Girl Most Likely

Mouthy Megan

Remember when Megan Fox used to be the next Angelina Jolie. That was back int hose heady days when her puss was on every magazine cover, her bizarre comments covered in every entertainment column, Michael Bay was still her friend & mentor, and she had a lucrative serial deal in the ongoing Transformers franchise. Then Megan opened her yap and said a thing or two that pissed Bay off. Whether or not he took the comments of a 23 year old actress with a hair trigger mouth seriously or not, he decided that she was an aggravation that he didn’t need in his life and career. So he cut her loose. Now officially Bay was concerned about Megan’s weight lose and general health. There were some rumours about her & BAG being into meth or something – they fight like cats and dogs, so much so that the police have been called in by neighbors a few times to break the lovers up. So maybe Bay was afraid that she was going Charlie Sheen or something. Well the first thing you know Meggers is at lose ends, and every movie she’s in tanks out harder than the Tourist! I’m sure that Al Gore could’ve explained to her what being the next something leads to. Megan had to find out for herself.

sex sells unless you’re box office poison

Now saying that every movie she was in tanked out harder than the Tourist is a little unfair. For one thing it creates the impression of a long string of consistent failure. That would be a false impression since the string isn’t that long, although its’ very consistent. You see poor pretty Megan hasn’t had her chance to ruin many films since Jennifer’s Body & Jonah Hex. That’s because directors aren’t lining up to work with a bitchy young actress with attitude and only one thing going for her. Especially considering the way she runs her mouth. So Meggers options have been kind of limited.

WTF? You gotta be kiddin’!

Her newest flick to be released is called Passion Play. You probably haven’t heard about it cause it’s a stinker, and it stars Megan. So no one is going to going out of their way to promote, even though it also stars Mickey Rouke. Now the flick is kind of like Moulin Rouge on acid and if you want a brief synopsis here it is:

Megan plays a girl who’s a little different. For one thing she’s a circus freak. For another she has a set of wings (I hear that the writer ot the idea while watching Victoria Secret clips on youtube!). So she might be an angel, or merely a tragic freak of nature. That parts left open for audience interpretation. Anyway the Mickster plays a boozy burned out jazz trumpet player. So his role is pretty close to life, or would be if he could play jazz on the trumpet. He some how manages to fall in love with Megan by overlooking her over powering beauty to see the wings sticking out of her back. So naturally he decides to do something foolish about it – like trying to save her. To that end he seduces her away from a gangster played by Bill Murray, and resolves to cut the wings off of her back.

Justin Bieber is a pussy!

If you’re laughing then you’re having the same reaction as viewers at the Toronto Film Festival – except that they also walked out of the theater! Since these highly hyped international film festivals are an important marketing vehicle for new films, and almost on par with Comiccon, that reaction hurt. It hurt so bad that the flick got pulled out of general distribution, and released straight to DVD. You know, the same way that Lindsay Lohan’s work did after she turned rogue and went on a drug and alcohol fueled public rampage! That has observers asking when Meggers plans to try and reinvent herself by flipping the fuck out, going on a bender, and checking into rehab. Perhaps she’ll go for the less extreme Justin Bieber route and cut off her hair or something.

winning friends and influencing people

Some might say that putting another nail in the career coffin was a waste of time. Other might ask “What career?” and then point out hat in her position it was a good move as long as the check cleared. I’m of the opinion that no life experience, no matter how painful or humiliating, is a waste. For one thing Meggers made a new friend along the way in the person of Mickey Rouke.

what drug is this guy on?

Mickey’s a fine actor who faced his own personal demons and struggle back to get real respect as a character actor. He’s earned critical acclaim and real fan affection too. As a guy who’s been around the block backwards and forwards, and then made it back again his opinion carries weight (that is unless those trips around the block have left lingering side effects). He has some pretty strong opinions on Meggers too, like:

“I think the pleasant surprise was this girl who’s a world-class beauty turned out to be probably the best young actress I’ve ever worked with,” Rourke said. “I don’t know if a lot of her films have showcased her acting ability more than, say, being action-oriented, but she really stepped up the plate with this one and was very consistent and professional, beyond her years. At 23, I couldn’t do half of what she’s doing.”

anything to get out of these pants!

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but not even Charlie Sheen has said anything that unbelievable! The reason that’s unbelievable is because most people figure that Megan would find it challenging to play a tree in an elementary school play.That has people asking what the fuck has gotten into him? Well if there’s anything suspicious in his pockets remember – “Those aren’t my pants! I borrowed them from Tom Sizemore!

Optimists see the glass as half full while cynics wonder what it’s full of

However once again the optimistic side of my nature has won out (can’t you tell?). I believe that Mickey really believes what he’s saying and more so he means it. Meaning what you say is a big deal for a prop actor. Not that Megan’s “alleged” talent – and I use the world alleged because I want to avoid being libelous (she’s hard to slander!) – but maybe because she actually made a good impression on him. I’m sure that the young lady can be very charming and agreeable when she wants to be. Now that her career is going down in flames she probably wants to be more than ever. So I’m sure she sweet talked the soft soaped the old boy like she was basting a Thanksgiving Turkey.

playground politics and schoolyard strategies – one day you’ll be ready for high school mind games!

That’s a stupid & transparent good strategy. By good I mean that every desperate on the way out actress gets around to it. Like Sienna Miller after she got canned off of Sherwood (I won’t bore you with details but she managed to alienate both Russell Crowe and Ridley Scott with her stupid lies and scheming. Russ knows when a girl has got to go, and he knows what kind of games Miller plays because he’s played them too – Meg Ryan.). After it became clear that her future was history – from GI Joe she went straight to Broadway and on to nowhere -she started making friendly with Jude Law again. He was on the way back up with his Robb Downey jr connection. So why not hitch your wagon to a rising star? Jude was silly enough to fall for it, but was saved at teh last minute when Sienna realized that the job offers and magazine covers still weren’t pouring in yet!

what next?

Mickey Rouke is kind of on the way back up too (even though his career is basically in it’s Lifetime Achievement Award stage). So getting on his good side may pay off in real dividends – not just friendship. If he likes you well enough he might want you to *ahem* act in one of his real films. At least that’s what you might think if you’re a young actress who’s long on ambition and short on gray matter! So you see the experience wasn’t wasted. Megan has learned from her experiences – like Michael Vick did during his time in the doghouse. He came back to be an even better football player and the hardest working QB in the whole damned NFL! Now Megan is showing a whole new professional attitude too! I just hope that she’s learned not to say anything in interviews that will try the less patient among us! Here’s lookin’ at you, kid!

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