Russell Crowe & the UFO

Famous actor’s MK Ultra programming is starting to break down!

Russell Crowe has not only seen UFO but captured his hallucination on film! That’s no mean feet! Big Russ was at his office down under, in Woolloomooloo. Woolloomooloo is right int he middle of Sydney, near the world famous opera house for those unfamiliar with Downunder geography. Russ & a chum, possibly Great Big Sea‘s Allan Doyle though there is absolutely no confirmation on that, were playing around with Russ’s new camera. The camera was a Canon 5D, fixed and with no flash. Russ had set it up to catch fruit bats or flying wallabies, perhaps great winged wombats, or whatever other freaks of nature evolved along their separate paths down in Oz. In fact you remember those winged monkeys from the Wizard of Oz that the witch sends after Dorothy? They were actually a now extinct breed of Australian flying monkey called Chumbawumbas. The Wizard of Oz producers had them specially imported for the flick cause they thought that it would be cool, except that the little fellows wound up bringing a virus back with them that wiped out the whole species. It’s another Hollywood tragedy.

I was looking for great flying lambamaloos and then it got really crazy!

Anyway Russ & his friend were sitting around with their camera and waiting for great flying lumbamaloos, or what ever creepy things take flight in the island continent when something really bizarre happened! Russ picked up something on his camera and it wasn’t a dingamalingaloo, or even a gongalongowikiloo. This was a genuine bona fide out of this world ET piloted UFO.At least that’s the way Capt Star Russ Crowe tells it. Well actually he’s a little more understated about it. Russ says

UFO? Time Lapse Photos Outside RC’s Woolloomooloo Office (THESE ARE REAL!)
Canon 5D, No Flash, can’t be a lense flare because it moves , camera is fixed
It’s not a video it is 3 time lapse photo’s taken in 4.5 seconds
I will grant you at the time the music wasn’t playing, also, yes, we have pushed in on the frame..this is 3 photo’s in order, nothing added

further more there’s a video about it now on youtube. That’s featured below.

The Starships Are Coming

What the woolloomooloo?

Now before you start with that “I used to like him before he went weird and lost his mind” crap just stop and think of r a minute. Russ nowhere says anything about spaceships or aliens.  He says “UFO”. UFO means unidentified flying object. So if it’s flying and unidentified then technically that’s true.

swingin’ with the stars

Also even if he saw saucers that doesn’t necessarily destroy his credibility. Many famous people like such as Jimmy Carter & Fran Drescher have seen saucers (not too mention Robbie Williams, though I’m not sure whether he’s seen em or just looks for em). Fran even claims to have been beamed up and implanted! Of course Jimmy & Franny ain’t the company you’d keep if you cared about your credibility.

Anne Hathaway is still brainwashed

Besides there is probably some completely rational explanation for this. Maybe Russell has had MK Ultra monarch programming, as so many celebrities have had. Think of how many freaky episodes mind control victim Anne Hathaway has had (yes Anne I know you have an Oscar now and don’t have to take shit like that from people like me anymore – but I kid because i love).

remember to forget

Author Fritz Springmeier says that one symptom of monarch programming is UFO experiences. These are programmed in as cover memories. When people are whisked away for some brain washing, the programmers just hypnotize the subject into thinking that they were abducted by aliens. So the victim has an explanation, and no one else will take them seriously. The alien abduction scenario also explained the missing time monarch victims frequently experience – that is until they learned how to program in back up amnesia! Then victim couldn’t remember that they forgot they had for got. 


So poor Russ was probably really in some secret government laboratory dosed out of his mind on LSD and getting the whole Clockwork Orange treatment. Then they programmed in the UFO Woolloomooloo memory as a cover (incidentally many Australian place names are also used as MK Ultra trigger phrases, because they almost never come up in causal conversation). They then planted the images on his new camera to reinforce the brainwashing. As for the friend – totally in on it. Look for Russ to be in some MK Ultra themed flick very soon, & possibly something where angelic beings called nephilim visit earth in flying saucers to meet earth girls. That will confirm that Russ has been MK Ultra’s and remember you heard that here 1st!

Alternative conspiracies

Alternatively the government might be getting ready to make their long anticipated full disclosure on alien contact. Everyone with a tinfoil hat has been waiting for that ever since Roswell. That is except for those nuts who don’t believe that flying saucers crashed in Roswell, New Mexico. Many of those maintain that Area 51 has nothing to do with UFO’s but is in fact where NASA faked the moon landing.

moon doggy dog

The idea is that there was a space race on with the commies at the time. Russia had beaten America into space and space was a strategic advantage. When Russia sent that dog Sputnik up in the hang glider, or whatever, it triggered War of the Worlds level paranoia in a freaked out at he best of times American population. They were envisioning battalions of Russian attack dogs being para dropped on the land of the free from hi altitude. So what could you do but go to the moon. If you couldn’t actually get there then you’d have to fake it.


New Mexico desert is very similar to the  lunar surface. So instead of actually going to the moon you just set up a sound stage. Then you make a little movie – just like Star Trek, and shamelessly broadcast it to the world as the real thing. The Ruskies will take this seriously and go madder than a bunch of Klingons on red alert. When the commies saw that astronaut with the golf club the Red Curtain completely lost their collective shit. Groups of Soviet scientist were working over time calculating the impact damage a solid titanium golf ball launched from the moon might do if it hit the middle of Moscow. According to the theory this is where Ronald Reagan got the whole Star Wars Strategic Defense Initiative from. Of course the scene of the crime – Area 51 – had to be sealed off from the rest of the world. Also an implausible cover story had to be concocted. That was a UFO crash. The public could never know the truth, but that was a small price to pay for winning the cold war.

a close shave with Occam’s Razor

Occam’s Razor will tell you that is the most far fetched sort of conspiracy theory – so of course then it must’ve been aliens. It’s pure logic. Therefore the American government has been sitting on this huge secret since 1947. There only problem was how to unload the truth onto the American public. Everyone still remembers the fuss Orson Welles caused with his little Mercury Theater prank., So the news had to be broken very carefully and discretely.

Katherine Heigl killed celebrity adoption

Careful and discrete is where Russell Crowe comes in! NASA, Homeland Security, and FEMA – who really run the USA, need a way to break the UFO news to the public. Traditionally the government has used movie stars to direct and mold public opinion. It’s how they sold war bonds back during WW2. People think that celebrities are gods and will believe anything that they say. So you just have to get an A List actor to spot a UFO and everyone will accept it. Soon other movie starts will see saucer because they like to imitate each other and start trends – remember how everyone started adopting from Africa after Angelina Jolie did (but promptly stopped when Katherine Heigl did)? Soon saucer sighting will be cool, chic, and eventually passé. Then the government can come out and announce the existence of aliens with out anyone giving a damn (BTW why do you think that the Pope is stepping down? The Catholic Church owns some of the largest observatories in the world.). That’s called full disclosure with controlled spin.

Then again maybe the explanation is closer to earth. Perhaps Russ and his friend just caught one of those strange Aussie creepy crawlies on film. There’s so much bizarre wild life down there that I doubt even the locals can keep track of it. Russ probably caught some glow in the dark Australian bat or something on his camera. Normally he would’ve known the difference but you know – Australian wine. The stuff packs a punch. Anyway when you’ve got movie actors and wine and strange wildlife together things can get confused. So the starships aren’t coming just yet.

BTW maybe Russell Crowe needs to have a long talk with Commander Ed Staker & the good people @ SHADO. The rest of you can familiarize yourselves with SHADO by watching Episode 1 of Brit Sci Fi cult classic UFO below. Keep your eyes peeled for Gabrielle Drake & her pink moon wig!  Also remember to tune into A View From Space with Gary the Spaceman Bell tonite on 640 AM Toronto! GB starts promptly @ 11 & if you can tune in then hit the link to their site and catch the live streaming. This show is so wild it makes Alex Jones look like Anderson Cooper!

UFO – Identified

Deleted User | Myspace Video

Coming Soon: Kristen Stewart approached to play Dorothy in Wizard of Oz remake!

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Breaking Biden

 The following might be true, but probably isn’t because I made it up while my mind wandering during last night’s presidential debate!

After last night’s vice presidential debate people are asking themselves “Joe, what the fuck got into you?” Usually he’s Joe Gaffworthy, the guy you gotta watch cause occasionally he says things that got lost in translation, between speaker and listener. If people were waiting for one of those Joe Biden moments last night, though, then they got way more than they bargained for by getting more than they ever expected. Joe not only wiped the floor with Paul Ryan, but screwed the kid around  like he was a sailor on leave with a double dose of Viagra. Such a big change from the understated Biden from the Palin debate has people wondering if he really is on something like maybe steroids!

Joltin Joe

Well my fictitious sources tell me that the Veep ain’t juicin’, not on synthetic chemicals anyway. Joe Biden is in fact relying on a special blend of herbal pep pills to get his mojo in top gear for the difficult and challenging days ahead. It all started a while back. As you know Joe ain’t a spring chicken any more. Even though the job of vice pres is far from challenging – in fact a major job requirement is the being seen and not heard – Joe felt he needed a little something to put the spark in his plugs.So, & on the recommendation of Al Gore, he began taking Korean Red Ginseng. After a week he was all go, & in a month Biden was over heard bragging that he “feels like Bill Clinton!

gotta get the zinger back in the droopy drawers

Now pep can be addictive. However it was the disappointing Obama debate that pushed Biden to extremes.  Party insiders privately felt that the president had dropped the ball, & was in danger of letting the team down. Quite frankly the Beltway Dems were frightened that they’d be out of work in about a month, as the White House got packed to the brim with more Mormons than Howard Hughes Las Vegas penthouse back during the ‘saving his urine‘ crazy days! Let’s face it, Wash DC was in danger of turning into a Donnie & Marie Osmond Bros family reunion!

Joe Biden is a one man stimulus package waiting to happen!

Aware of the growing malaise within the democratic party’s inner circle Joe Biden decided something had to be done. The last time the dems had an attack of malaise was during Jimmy Carter and that lead to Ronald Reagan and almost 15 years of republican government. Only Good Time Willie snapped liberals out of their slump. Rather than let that happen again Biden boosted his ginseng dosage. He also began blending it with an exotic cocktail of herbal all natural mood elevators and energy boosters! Stuff like wheatgrass, moringa, royal jelly, tumbo tortu, kava java, etc. This would usually be mixed together in a blender and then served up to the Veep in a Red Bull smoothy!

Paul Ryan might be pretty, but it don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that swing!

The stuff worked like a charm.Within days Biden was barreling around the white house like a fireball! “Just relax and let me take care of it Bar” became his new catch phrase. By the time the debate came around Biden was like a rocket twitching on the launch pad and ready for take off. However it had some side effects. Stuff like the smirking, and laughing to himself, that people noticed. Plus the debate had to be switched to a sit down round table type format. That’s because since Joe has been on the new energy booster routine he’s had a more or less permanent erection! So naturally they couldn’t do the thing standing up. Stimulus packages aside – viewers might see more than they were supposed to. Like a whole different kinda Big Bird! Then they might vote Democrat for all the wrong reasons!

“This shit has changed me from what I was into what I can be – So I’m Jack Kennedy now!”

Dems are pretty happy about last night’s performance. Joe left em happy. However they’re not necessarily wanting more. For one thing they’re a little concerned about those twitchy side effects. Not that they thjink he could gamma ray over dose and turn into the Incredible Hulk. They are afraid that a turbo charged Joe Biden could go berserk and then run off on some pre election sexual rampage. Though sex scandals have helped make the democratic party great, and might even be long over due, it’s the last thing the party needs right now. So the back room boys are trying to talk Biden in to toning it down. They want him to cut out the weird herbal junk mixed up with red bull, and maybe cut back to the simple red ginseng tablets. Joe’s only reply is if they’ve run into Sarah Palin lately and if she asks about him. So they’re working on a secret plot to get the veep into rehab should he start to go completely out of control. Today Sarah Palin, tomorrow Paris Hilton!

borrowed mojo

Meanwhile the President is very supportive of the idea. Besides he’s been seen lately hanging around the veep’s office and rummaging through the medicine cabinet in it’s private washroom. Aides aren’t to concerned about this because the Pres seems to be getting his old confidence back. Also Michelle is privately saying that “Barack hasn’t been this frisky in years!” A few insiders are expressing concern about the President’s recent facial & muscles twitches, but hopeful organizers are writing them off as a pack of George Stephanopouli

Remember to keep reading wondertrash because we’re a stimulus package that’s always in a swing state!

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